E183 - Mothers Day Special: Lessons on Parenthood from Jake's Mum (Liz Humphrey)

To celebrate Mother’s Day, Jake and Damian sat down with Jake’s mum, Liz Humphrey, to chat about Jake’s upbringing and her parenting advice, among much more.

Jake shares his experiences being the victim of bullying whilst at school, and Liz explores how she dealt with this challenging time as a parent and as a teacher. She offers advice that she would pass onto the next generation of parents, including how to make your children feel safe in their own home, offering them a space of solace.

Damian interviews the two of them about their relationship and how it has changed as Jake became an adult, including the ways Jake brings new experiences into Liz’s life, like riding motorcycles around central London!

This conversation is an in depth look into how we can seek to improve the lives of children and become better parents, and people, along the way.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

# High Performance Podcast Episode Summary

**Episode Title:** Celebrating Mothers: A Conversation with Jake Humphrey's Mum

**Episode Summary:**

- In honor of Mother's Day, Jake Humphrey, the host of the High Performance Podcast, sits down with his mother, Liz Humphrey, to discuss her parenting experiences and her role in shaping Jake's life.

- The episode begins with a discussion about Jake's experience of being bullied at school. Liz shares how she handled the situation as a parent and a teacher, emphasizing the importance of providing a safe and supportive home environment for children who are experiencing bullying.

- The conversation then shifts to the relationship between Jake and Liz as he became an adult. Liz talks about how she has adapted to Jake's changing needs and interests over the years, including his decision to pursue a career in television and his passion for riding motorcycles.

- The episode also touches on the topic of high performance in parenting. Liz shares her thoughts on what it means to be a high-performing parent, emphasizing the importance of being loving, supportive, and encouraging, while also setting boundaries and expectations.

- Jake and Liz discuss the importance of open communication and mutual respect in their relationship, and how they have been able to maintain a close bond despite Jake's busy career.

- The episode concludes with a reflection on the lessons that Liz has learned as a parent and the advice she would give to other parents. She emphasizes the importance of being present for your children, listening to them, and helping them to develop their own unique strengths and interests.

**Key Points:**

- The importance of providing a safe and supportive home environment for children who are experiencing bullying.
- The need for parents to adapt to their children's changing needs and interests as they grow older.
- High performance in parenting involves being loving, supportive, and encouraging, while also setting boundaries and expectations.
- Open communication and mutual respect are essential for maintaining a strong parent-child relationship.
- Parents should be present for their children, listen to them, and help them to develop their own unique strengths and interests.

# Podcast Episode Summary:

**Title:** Parenting Insights: A Candid Conversation with Jake Humphrey's Mother, Liz

**Key Points:**

- **Nurturing a Safe and Supportive Home:** Liz emphasizes the importance of creating a home environment where children feel secure and loved. She encourages parents to listen to their children, be encouraging, and set a good example.

- **The Value of Hard Work:** Liz instills the value of hard work and dedication in her children. She shares how she and her husband set clear expectations and encouraged their children to take on responsibilities from a young age.

- **Fostering Strong Family Bonds:** Liz highlights the significance of family connections. She recalls family bike rides, weekend activities, and shared meals as cherished moments that strengthened their family bond.

- **Embracing Change in the Parent-Child Relationship:** Liz acknowledges that the parent-child relationship evolves over time. As children grow older, they become more independent and may have different interests. She emphasizes the importance of adapting to these changes and maintaining a strong connection with children as they become adults.

- **The Power of Grandparenting:** Liz reflects on the joys of being a grandparent. She describes the special bond she shares with her grandchildren and the fulfillment she finds in passing on her values and experiences to them.

- **Key Takeaways for Parents:**

- Set a good example for your children.
- Listen to your children and encourage them to express themselves.
- Be supportive and encouraging of your children's interests and endeavors.
- Create a home environment that is safe, loving, and conducive to growth.
- Embrace the changing dynamics of the parent-child relationship as your children grow older.
- Cherish the moments you have with your children, both big and small.

# Mother's Day Special: Jake Humphrey Chats with His Mother, Liz Humphrey

**Jake Humphrey's Upbringing and Liz's Parenting Advice**

- Jake Humphrey, alongside Damian Hughes, engages in a heartfelt conversation with his mother, Liz Humphrey, on the occasion of Mother's Day.
- Jake shares his experiences of being bullied during his school days, shedding light on his perspective as a victim.
- Liz, a teacher herself, delves into how she navigated this challenging time as a parent and an educator.
- Liz offers valuable parenting advice for the next generation, emphasizing the importance of creating a safe and comforting home environment for children.

**Changing Dynamics Between Jake and Liz as Jake Grew Up**

- Damian probes Jake and Liz about the evolution of their relationship as Jake transitioned into adulthood.
- Jake shares how he introduces new experiences into Liz's life, such as riding motorcycles in central London, bringing a fresh perspective to their bond.

**Insights into Improving the Lives of Children and Becoming Better Parents**

- The conversation delves into insightful discussions on how to enhance the lives of children and foster better parenting skills.
- Liz emphasizes the significance of active listening and understanding a child's perspective, rather than merely reacting to their actions.
- Jake and Liz reflect on the importance of creating a supportive and nurturing environment for children to thrive.

**Key Takeaways and Overall Message**

- The podcast offers valuable insights into the complexities of parenting and the profound impact parents have on their children's lives.
- Liz's experiences as a parent and an educator provide practical advice and guidance for raising happy and well-adjusted children.
- The conversation highlights the importance of open communication, empathy, and creating a safe space for children to express themselves.
- The overall message emphasizes the enduring love and bond between a mother and her child, transcending the challenges and changes that come with time.

[00:00.000 -> 00:06.440] Hi there, I'm Jay Comfrey and you're listening to High Performance, the podcast that shows
[00:06.440 -> 00:08.320] you it's within.
[00:08.320 -> 00:11.420] Your ambition, your purpose, your truth, it's all there.
[00:11.420 -> 00:15.800] We just help unlock it by turning the lived experiences of the planet's highest performers
[00:15.800 -> 00:16.800] into your life lessons.
[00:16.800 -> 00:21.720] And this is a slightly different episode where Professor Damien Hughes, my learner co-host
[00:21.720 -> 00:26.840] of the podcast, is going to speak to my mum about life as
[00:26.840 -> 00:31.400] my mum, as a parent, as a wife, as a daughter.
[00:31.400 -> 00:35.560] It's to celebrate Mother's Day and we would love to shout out all the amazing mums and
[00:35.560 -> 00:41.480] the mums-to-be and the dads who have to act as mums and the people who represent parents
[00:41.480 -> 00:43.380] in everyone's lives.
[00:43.380 -> 00:49.040] You are invaluable and incredible and I really hope you enjoy this episode of the High Performance Podcast.
[00:55.600 -> 01:00.880] As a person with a very deep voice, I'm hired all the time for advertising campaigns.
[01:00.880 -> 01:10.880] But a deep voice doesn't sell B2B and advertising on the wrong platform doesn't sell B2B either. That's why if you're a B2B marketer, you should use LinkedIn Ads.
[01:10.880 -> 01:14.840] LinkedIn has the targeting capabilities to help you reach the world's largest professional
[01:14.840 -> 01:21.040] audience. That's right, over 70 million decision makers all in one place. All the big wigs,
[01:21.040 -> 01:25.200] then medium wigs. Also small wigs, who are on the path to becoming big wigs.
[01:25.200 -> 01:29.920] Okay, that's enough about wigs. LinkedIn ads allows you to focus on getting your B2B
[01:29.920 -> 01:34.840] message to the right people. So, does that mean you should use ads on LinkedIn instead
[01:34.840 -> 01:40.920] of hiring me, the man with the deepest voice in the world? Yes. Yes it does. Get started
[01:40.920 -> 01:45.000] today and see why LinkedIn is the place to be, to be.
[01:45.000 -> 01:48.000] We'll even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign.
[01:48.000 -> 01:51.000] Go to linkedin.com slash results to claim your credit.
[01:51.000 -> 01:53.000] That's linkedin.com slash results.
[01:53.000 -> 01:55.000] Terms and conditions apply.
[01:58.000 -> 02:01.000] On our podcast, we love to highlight businesses that are doing things a better way,
[02:01.000 -> 02:03.000] so you can live a better life.
[02:03.000 -> 02:06.800] And that's why when I found Mint Mobile I had to share.
[02:06.800 -> 02:10.200] So Mint Mobile ditched retail stores and all those overhead costs
[02:10.200 -> 02:15.200] and instead sells their phone plans online and passes those savings to you.
[02:15.200 -> 02:18.000] And for a limited time they're passing on even more savings
[02:18.000 -> 02:23.000] with a new customer offer that cuts all Mint Mobile plans to $15 a month
[02:23.000 -> 02:26.300] when you purchase a 3 month plan. That's unlimited
[02:26.300 -> 02:34.800] talk, text and data for $15 a month. And by the way, the quality of Mint Mobile's wireless
[02:34.800 -> 02:40.280] service in comparison to providers that we've worked with before is incredible. Mint Mobile
[02:40.280 -> 02:49.400] is here to rescue you with premium wireless plans for 15 bucks a month. So say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans, those jaw-dropping monthly bills, those
[02:49.400 -> 02:53.880] unexpected overages, because all the plans come with unlimited talk and text and high
[02:53.880 -> 02:58.320] speed data delivered on the nation's largest 5G network.
[02:58.320 -> 03:02.820] Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan, bring your phone number along with all your
[03:02.820 -> 03:04.360] existing contacts.
[03:04.360 -> 03:09.040] So ditch overpriced wireless with Mint Mobile's limited time deal and get premium wireless
[03:09.040 -> 03:13.860] service for just $15 a month. To get this new customer offer and your new
[03:13.860 -> 03:28.280] 3 month unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash HPP. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at Mintmobile.com
[03:28.280 -> 03:39.560] slash HPP. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details.
[03:39.560 -> 03:44.240] We'll welcome everyone to a special episode of the High Performance Podcast and this is
[03:44.240 -> 03:49.280] celebrating mothers. We love mothers. We love Mother's Day, Mother's Day is very
[03:49.280 -> 03:52.600] soon and we just thought it'd be a really interesting opportunity Damien to
[03:52.600 -> 03:56.280] look at high performance through the lens of a mum. Well one of the things
[03:56.280 -> 04:00.720] that we've often speak about Jake is that there's research on this that talks
[04:00.720 -> 04:06.600] on the three things that impact the quality of your life are parents, postcode y gwneud y pethau sy'n effeithio ar y gwahanol o'ch bywyd yw teuluoedd, y llyfrgell a'r addysg.
[04:06.600 -> 04:10.320] Felly, nid yw'r effaith o'r trwyo o'r rhain yn ymwneud â'u gynllunio
[04:10.320 -> 04:14.320] ac rwy'n credu bod llawer o'n gwestiynau wedi dweud wrthym am y pŵer o'r teuluoedd
[04:14.320 -> 04:17.720] neu'r gynulliadau yn eu bywydau o ran ffynnu eu gweld bywydau,
[04:17.720 -> 04:22.120] creu cyfleoedd, ymdrechu nhw pan mae gennym momenau anodd
[04:22.120 -> 04:25.880] ac rwy'n credu bod e'n dda iawn iawn bod ni'n ymdrechu ychydig yn fwy mawr i hynny. up when we have difficult moments and I think it's only appropriate that we delve a little
[04:25.880 -> 04:26.880] bit deeper into it.
[04:26.880 -> 04:30.000] Do you remember when we first started High Performance, you and I would have that conversation
[04:30.000 -> 04:33.960] before an episode where I'd go, what are you most looking forward to about today's episode,
[04:33.960 -> 04:37.600] do you remember? And then we would do the interview, so let's revisit that, like what
[04:37.600 -> 04:41.560] are you most interested in when it comes to today's conversation?
[04:41.560 -> 04:47.600] Well I was going back and revisiting our episode with Sean Wayne recently, the England Rugby League coach, and he had that great line
[04:47.600 -> 04:52.100] that how you do anything is how you do everything. And I love the idea that one
[04:52.100 -> 04:55.120] of the things of how you can tell somebody's character is look at the
[04:55.120 -> 04:58.240] people that have helped shape them, whether it's their life partner that
[04:58.240 -> 05:02.720] they've chosen to associate with, but also the role of a parent and how their
[05:02.720 -> 05:05.160] outlook shapes our own.
[05:05.160 -> 05:10.120] And given that we've been working together now for three and a half years on this podcast,
[05:10.120 -> 05:14.800] I'm looking forward to delving a bit deeper into how your worldview has been shaped.
[05:14.800 -> 05:20.280] Because on today's high performance podcast in celebration of Mother's Day and mums around
[05:20.280 -> 05:22.360] the world, my mum is here.
[05:22.360 -> 05:23.360] Hello.
[05:23.360 -> 05:24.360] This is very exciting.
[05:24.360 -> 05:26.880] Very bizarre. How out of
[05:26.880 -> 05:32.680] your comfort zone are you right now? Oh, quite a, quite a step out. Yes. So listen, I'm going
[05:32.680 -> 05:37.800] to lead on this cause I, cause I want to interview you, but I also want to then get Jake's interpretation
[05:37.800 -> 05:43.020] of it. Cause I think that that view will be fascinating. So we start all these interviews
[05:43.020 -> 05:46.360] with the same question and I know you listen to this on the dog walks
[05:46.360 -> 05:49.780] Which is what is high performance to you?
[05:50.440 -> 05:55.760] I really don't know what high performance is as far as a parent is concerned is the honest truth
[05:56.840 -> 06:01.620] There isn't a manual that says how to do it. It's suck it and see it's
[06:02.560 -> 06:05.800] Experiment and sometimes if you don't take any notice of
[06:05.800 -> 06:08.420] what you're doing, it doesn't work.
[06:08.420 -> 06:13.400] It could so easily fail and I'm sure there are occasions when it has failed.
[06:13.400 -> 06:19.720] But I just think as long as you're a loving family, which luckily we are, and maybe you
[06:19.720 -> 06:27.480] just keep an eye on things and you talk to your kids a lot and even more important, you listen
[06:27.480 -> 06:35.080] to them. I do find it a challenging question as to what high performance is. I do my best.
[06:35.080 -> 06:38.800] But what I love is that you've said, I don't know, and then you've broken it down into
[06:38.800 -> 06:46.080] at least five really important elements that I think you're almost not acknowledging the importance
[06:46.080 -> 06:51.440] of them to yourself. Jake what would you say is your answer to that question?
[06:51.440 -> 06:56.320] Jake- Well we had a motto as a family growing up it got mentioned still gets
[06:56.320 -> 07:01.120] mentioned which is roots and wings and I think that that's where my mum and dad
[07:01.120 -> 07:05.400] were absolutely incredible for us as children. I remember going on, did
[07:05.400 -> 07:08.880] you listen to the episode I did with Rangan Chatterjee where I went on his podcast? And
[07:08.880 -> 07:13.760] you know I was busy saying I had a very normal upbringing, you know, it wasn't like a world
[07:13.760 -> 07:18.120] class upbringing because we didn't come from money and we weren't like, you know, we didn't
[07:18.120 -> 07:22.280] have an entrepreneurial mindset and we, you know, all of these other things. And actually
[07:22.280 -> 07:29.880] it was in that interview Rangan said, I think you absolutely had a world-class upbringing. You need to change your view that just because
[07:29.880 -> 07:35.200] it wasn't different or I don't know, like we weren't a family and we're still not really
[07:35.200 -> 07:39.920] a family are we, where it's like, be, not be the best but like, you know, go and do
[07:39.920 -> 07:41.880] amazing things and change the world.
[07:41.880 -> 07:47.500] It was encouraged you to strive to be better than than anybody else as good as you could be was actually fine.
[07:47.500 -> 07:49.640] Yeah and why was that do you think?
[07:49.640 -> 07:54.480] I think as long as you are happy in what you're doing I never wanted you to feel that you were
[07:54.480 -> 07:59.880] under pressure to be the first in the swimming race. Do you remember the bicycle race Jake?
[07:59.880 -> 08:08.880] I remember, well basically everything I did was it wasn't, well let's be honest I wasn't great at anything. Well, sporty things, you're very good at
[08:08.880 -> 08:16.840] delivering newspapers, sporty things, that's the level I've got. You always aspired to do and we had to say it doesn't
[08:16.840 -> 08:20.840] matter, you know, go and do the bike race and if you come last it doesn't matter
[08:20.840 -> 08:25.520] somebody's got to be and it's fine. What was I like then when I used to like
[08:25.520 -> 08:29.600] because I you know I messed everything up right as a you know I just there was I didn't excel did
[08:29.600 -> 08:35.520] I anything we're going right up to when I was in 18 probably. Yes. What was I like then when I failed
[08:35.520 -> 08:40.160] and messed up and when you cried a bit on the bike race I do remember seeing this child weeping.
[08:41.760 -> 08:45.960] 14 maybe he joined a cycle club and he all he ever wanted as a little
[08:45.960 -> 08:50.320] child he never wanted anything else but a bicycle he had a bike until he was
[08:50.320 -> 08:55.680] four that had been welded by his uncle endless times because he wore it out. No
[08:55.680 -> 08:59.980] money for a new bike. When he was five he got a really smart new bike which lasted for
[08:59.980 -> 09:05.720] years and he was desperate to to be in a, to be in a group when we moved to
[09:05.720 -> 09:11.780] Norfolk, so he joined a fit sign cycling club and he in his mind was going to be
[09:11.780 -> 09:15.920] the winner of the race and it was going to be fantastic and you know boys own
[09:15.920 -> 09:21.920] stuff and he didn't I mean it was a really sort of sad thing to see this lad
[09:21.920 -> 09:26.720] just getting further and further back on the on the tour around was a housing estate, wasn't it, with roundabouts.
[09:26.720 -> 09:30.200] But, you know, it doesn't actually do you any harm.
[09:30.200 -> 09:36.080] It does teach you that you're not somebody out of a film or a magazine or a story.
[09:36.080 -> 09:38.040] You're just an ordinary person.
[09:38.040 -> 09:39.040] And it was fine.
[09:39.040 -> 09:40.040] I don't think it actually mattered.
[09:40.040 -> 09:41.040] Did I cry during the race?
[09:41.040 -> 09:42.040] You did, yes.
[09:42.040 -> 09:43.040] I'm sorry to say you did.
[09:43.040 -> 09:44.040] I had totally forgotten that memory.
[09:44.040 -> 09:45.120] Oh yeah? And now I remember I was crying while I was did, yes. I'm sorry to say you did. I had totally forgotten that memory.
[09:50.240 -> 09:54.720] And now I remember I was crying while I was racing, wasn't I? Yes. Realization struck, didn't it? Because I wasn't very good at much and was not successful at anything,
[09:54.720 -> 09:58.160] I remember now, and this is a weird sort of thing to suddenly remember the emotion, I remember
[09:58.160 -> 10:03.920] thinking, this is the day, this is the night, this is the day I show you all what I'm made of.
[10:04.640 -> 10:06.960] And then I had total disbelief that after it was
[10:06.960 -> 10:09.120] Like nine laps around a course or whatever
[10:09.760 -> 10:14.860] Halfway through and so far behind. I was in total disbelief that this had happened
[10:15.040 -> 10:21.160] Then I started crying and still race still you still completed it. You didn't he didn't know was important
[10:21.360 -> 10:25.940] It was very important. Yes, So I mean, I love the
[10:25.940 -> 10:30.260] equanimity in which you're dealing with that, of you telling Jay that it was, it
[10:30.260 -> 10:35.180] wasn't important to be first or top of the class, it was just about being happy.
[10:35.180 -> 10:39.260] Now I just want to jump forward a bit because I know a little bit about this
[10:39.260 -> 10:47.120] story, about when Jay experienced being bullied at school. Now as a parent that speaks to you
[10:47.120 -> 10:53.680] worse. Tell us, how did you handle that? Well it was bad luck, we moved house at the
[10:53.680 -> 10:58.240] wrong time as far as friendship groups were concerned. He went into a primary
[10:58.240 -> 11:03.640] school, would you be nine? Yeah probably, nine years old. And all the little boys had their
[11:03.640 -> 11:06.880] friendship groups, they played football together. And
[11:06.880 -> 11:11.640] this lad came in and said, Oh, I can play football. And I think he perhaps was a bit,
[11:11.640 -> 11:17.040] you know, bit cocky in their eyes. I don't know. And they really very soon realized he
[11:17.040 -> 11:24.720] couldn't play football. He didn't have, you know, a right and left foot. And it very quickly,
[11:24.720 -> 11:26.080] and you were a bit anxious and I remember
[11:26.080 -> 11:30.780] you used to sort of twitchy nose a bit and rub your nose and bullying just
[11:30.780 -> 11:34.820] comes out of nowhere and it's generally very nice children who can be involved
[11:34.820 -> 11:40.400] in in bullying their friends and you can't get away from it somehow and you
[11:40.400 -> 11:47.320] went to secondary school it continued it continued at Scouts And how many hours did we sit on the stairs?
[11:49.240 -> 11:51.240] Awful, yeah
[11:52.040 -> 11:56.040] Because I mean it sounds awful, but I'm interested in that
[11:56.800 -> 12:01.800] He's obviously emerged from that with some scars, but generally quite healthy
[12:02.600 -> 12:05.760] Positive than scars now, at the time it was it
[12:05.760 -> 12:10.200] was sad. But tell us what you did to help create that result. We talked a lot, we
[12:10.200 -> 12:13.360] talked an awful lot and we encouraged him to believe that it wasn't his fault
[12:13.360 -> 12:17.360] it was just something that was happening and he couldn't actually make it right
[12:17.360 -> 12:21.800] and as a teacher I knew that children who are bullied have to change
[12:21.800 -> 12:26.200] dramatically before it stops, Something has to be dramatic.
[12:26.200 -> 12:30.760] And we eventually went to the school and said, you know, this is making him really unhappy,
[12:30.760 -> 12:37.480] it's making us unhappy and it shouldn't be happening. And so the next day in assembly,
[12:37.480 -> 12:41.600] a member of staff stood up and said, right, Jay Comfrey is being bullied. It's got to
[12:41.600 -> 12:45.240] stop to the whole class Or the whole year group.
[12:45.240 -> 12:47.360] Steve I think it was either a year group or it could
[12:47.360 -> 12:51.760] even be one of those big old school assemblies and they made, you know how you sit on the
[12:51.760 -> 12:56.440] floor cross-legged? Can Jay Comfrey stand up? You're the kid already being bullied.
[12:56.440 -> 12:58.640] You need to stop bullying Jay Comfrey.
[12:58.640 -> 12:59.640] Lucy Didn't help at all did it?
[12:59.640 -> 13:00.640] Steve Well can you imagine?
[13:00.640 -> 13:04.280] Steve So you're the teacher and you hear that.
[13:04.280 -> 13:06.480] So how do you process that to be able to
[13:06.480 -> 13:11.380] deal with it in a responsible way? When it's your own child it's very different from if I was in
[13:11.380 -> 13:15.360] school. You know if I was at school, I mean I used to give safe space for
[13:15.360 -> 13:19.280] children in my classroom at lunchtime and before school and so on, you
[13:19.280 -> 13:23.560] know, open door always. But that doesn't stop the bullying, it doesn't change
[13:23.560 -> 13:29.480] other people's behavior and that's the really difficult thing but all was well because we moved
[13:29.480 -> 13:35.920] house Jake went to the local school came home Wow it's fantastic people are so
[13:35.920 -> 13:42.140] nice and I've made a friend who is still a friend and the whole thing just was
[13:42.140 -> 13:45.200] curtains closed yeah a friend that was enough.
[13:45.200 -> 13:51.000] But it was though, to have one person at school, got someone you know.
[13:51.000 -> 13:56.000] It's difficult. And the school was great and I think we actually did say to
[13:56.000 -> 14:00.400] them, you know, there have been issues with friendship groups just keeping an eye on
[14:00.400 -> 14:06.280] him for us. My memory is like, I remember sitting on the stairs at
[14:06.280 -> 14:10.140] Bishop's Close, our old house, seeing you and dad in the kitchen and you're like
[14:10.140 -> 14:14.720] happy and everything's fine, and I'm sitting there thinking, I've got to tell them, I've got to tell them.
[14:14.720 -> 14:18.400] But you don't want to tell your parents how bad it is because it makes them so sad.
[14:18.400 -> 14:28.880] Yeah, it's horrible. Yeah it is, but that's the bit I'm intrigued about, about how you handled
[14:28.880 -> 14:35.280] it Liz, because we're parents ourselves. I've got two children, I know you've got two grandchildren
[14:35.280 -> 14:41.000] to Jake and Harriet and I think sometimes that we're living it and feel it's very raw
[14:41.000 -> 15:08.680] when you're in the moment, but I'm interested in what advice or wisdom you'd pass on to Mae'n ffodus i mi ddweud, mae'n ffodus i mi dweud, mae'n ffodus i mi dweud, mae'n ffodus i mi dweud, mae'n ffodus i mi dweud, mae'n ffodus i mi dweud, mae'n ffodus i mi dweud, mae'n ffodus i mi dweud, mae'n ffodus i mi dweud, mae'n ffodus i mi dweud, mae'n ffodus i mi dweud, mae'n ffodus i mi dweud, mae'n ffodus i mi dweud, mae'n ffodus i mi dweud, mae'n ffodus i mewn i'r ffynonau, mae'n ffodus i mi dweud, mae'n ffodus i mi dweud, mae'n ffodus i mewn i'r ffynonau, mae'n ffodus i mewn i'r ffynonau, mae'n ffodus i mewn i'r ffynonau, mae'n ffodus i mewn i'r ffynonau, mae'n ffuds i mewn i'r ffynonau, mae'n ffuds i mewn i'r ffynonau, mae'n ffuds i mewn i'r ffynonau, mae'n ffuds i mewn i'r ffynonau, mae'n ffuds i mewn i'r ffynonau, mae'n ffuds i mewn i'r ffynonau, mae'n ffuds i mewn i'r ffynonau, mae'n ffuds i mewn i'r ffynonau, mae'n ffuds can you give to anyone listening to this? Well you know I mean you've got parents on two sides of the issue haven't you? You've got parents who've got
[15:08.680 -> 15:12.760] children who are doing the bullying or being associated with it because you
[15:12.760 -> 15:17.920] say you know it's generally one kid and and their little cohort join in and and
[15:17.920 -> 15:23.260] then you've got the child who is actually being bullied and it is all you
[15:23.260 -> 15:26.480] can do is just keep keep you know having their back and
[15:26.480 -> 15:32.120] talking to them a lot and and really trying hard to encourage other things
[15:32.120 -> 15:37.600] out of out of school out of home but you know you went to Sea Scouts and it's all
[15:37.600 -> 15:42.740] the same people wasn't it? Yeah it's weird how it sort of spreads. What is the right thing to
[15:42.740 -> 15:48.120] say for parents who are listening to this, whose kids are going through it at the time? I mean, the biggest thing is just
[15:48.120 -> 15:54.360] that sense that you're really safe at home. That was the big thing for me. And it is,
[15:54.360 -> 15:58.640] I was quite old, you see, I was at high school, I wasn't like a, you know, six or seven year
[15:58.640 -> 15:59.640] old struggling with this.
[15:59.640 -> 16:06.080] I mean, you just need to know that it isn't you, it's them and you're actually a valuable person.
[16:06.080 -> 16:09.760] Yeah, yeah and you need to try and take their loneliness away from them because
[16:09.760 -> 16:13.080] that is the hardest thing because you can tell your brother and sister but
[16:13.080 -> 16:15.360] obviously they're your brother and sister so they take the mickey, right, as
[16:15.360 -> 16:19.640] they would and you can't tell anyone at school and then at weekends like what
[16:19.640 -> 16:22.600] you do at weekends because you haven't got any friends so everyone else is
[16:22.600 -> 16:30.000] doing stuff and you hear the conversation we're doing this we're doing that there's a party and you're not invited and that loneliness
[16:30.000 -> 16:36.600] is hard so anything you can say to a young person to let them know that all right I know
[16:36.600 -> 16:41.080] you want a load of mates but we're here for you that is what that for me was really powerful
[16:41.080 -> 16:48.760] that mum and dad were like because you also feel weirdly like, am I gonna get told off because like I'm in this, you know what I mean?
[16:48.760 -> 16:51.460] Not that you've done anything wrong but you, that's how it happens isn't it? You feel
[16:51.460 -> 16:54.960] like you're the problem, so you think, oh if I tell my parents are they gonna judge
[16:54.960 -> 16:59.800] me in some way? So I think never make it anyone's been bullied feel like they've
[16:59.800 -> 17:02.440] done anything wrong. That's the single worst thing you can say, well what have
[17:02.440 -> 17:07.400] you said? How have you acted? You know, because even like when mum goes, um, he tried to sort
[17:07.400 -> 17:10.360] of claim he was good at football. The problem that sort of rank was a bit with me because
[17:10.360 -> 17:15.480] all I was trying to do was get in. Hey guys, I'm new. Yes. Of course you're going to say
[17:15.480 -> 17:19.080] you can play football because at that time that was how you judge the kids. The ones
[17:19.080 -> 17:22.400] that could play football were right up there. So I think that was really important. And
[17:22.400 -> 17:28.800] just that reminder that everything passes and that one one day... But when you're in it, that's hard to take on board, isn't it?
[17:28.800 -> 17:34.040] But I now sit here and I am glad that this, that I went through this because actually you
[17:34.040 -> 17:38.560] learn about people, you learn about your emotions, you... I am pleased it happened,
[17:38.560 -> 17:47.040] as hard as it was at the time. Well that brings us to an item where you feature in the high
[17:47.040 -> 17:52.000] performance tour that we do Liz, because we talk about, because Jake does a very
[17:52.000 -> 17:56.940] powerful bit where he speaks about some of the toxicity of modern life,
[17:56.940 -> 18:01.920] especially life on social media, and there's a heartbreaking voice note
[18:01.920 -> 18:07.340] that features you in it, responding to some of the messages
[18:07.340 -> 18:08.340] that Jake's getting.
[18:08.340 -> 18:13.520] Now for you and Rex, you're not people that engage in that kind of toxicity.
[18:13.520 -> 18:18.800] You're not that people that engage with negativity in many ways it sounds like.
[18:18.800 -> 18:22.880] And yet through your son, you've been forced to confront it.
[18:22.880 -> 18:23.880] How does that affect you?
[18:23.880 -> 18:27.880] Oh, it makes me
[18:24.920 -> 18:30.840] very cross, initially very cross because
[18:27.880 -> 18:33.320] it's so wrong, it's so, I mean it's just
[18:30.840 -> 18:34.760] pathetic and then I think actually you
[18:33.320 -> 18:37.080] know these people would never say
[18:34.760 -> 18:38.680] anything like that to your face would
[18:37.080 -> 18:41.480] they? I'm sure people don't stop you in
[18:38.680 -> 18:43.760] the street and you just have to
[18:41.480 -> 18:45.120] think they're just sad people and there's no
[18:43.760 -> 18:47.400] point worrying about it, you can't do anything about it, but it is hurtful.
[18:47.400 -> 18:51.100] Even if you know you're doing a really good job, you're doing your best,
[18:51.100 -> 18:57.100] you're trying to be as good a person as you can, it is really hurtful.
[18:57.100 -> 19:02.200] And I suppose it's perhaps linking a bit back to being young and being bullied, maybe.
[19:02.200 -> 19:05.720] I don't know, I haven't thought about that. So what advice
[19:05.720 -> 19:11.800] do you give to Jake and to your other children when they do experience some of those kind
[19:11.800 -> 19:17.640] of messages, that kind of... I guess I would say it's their problem, not your problem.
[19:17.640 -> 19:22.160] I think that was, and that's really helpful advice actually, and I remember having that
[19:22.160 -> 19:29.040] conversation, you know, when Twitter first started it was so amazing and positive and then it became so negative as it is today. I remember mum
[19:29.040 -> 19:33.240] saying exactly that, her saying, you probably don't even remember having this conversation
[19:33.240 -> 19:36.440] but I remember saying to you, I don't understand what's happening, suddenly everything on Twitter
[19:36.440 -> 19:40.480] is horrible whereas everything on Twitter used to be nice. And actually mum was the
[19:40.480 -> 19:45.280] person who said, look, there's so much sadness and upset and anger and frustration
[19:45.280 -> 19:49.020] out there. You know, people are angry with the government and they're angry with global
[19:49.020 -> 19:51.800] warming and they're angry with members of their family and they're angry with their
[19:51.800 -> 19:55.880] boss. And she said, like, this is just an outlet for their anger. And I think the exact
[19:55.880 -> 19:59.280] words you said, you said to me once, like all these messages you get, they're all about
[19:59.280 -> 20:01.480] them and they're not about you. Do you remember saying that?
[20:01.480 -> 20:02.480] No.
[20:02.480 -> 20:06.720] And that was really nice because I was like, yes,
[20:06.720 -> 20:11.140] it's something, it means it's nothing to do with you. You know, people saying these things
[20:11.140 -> 20:14.200] is nothing to do with it. And that's why on the, that really is on the high performance
[20:14.200 -> 20:17.760] tour. When I talk about, I translate one of the tweets into Spanish and I say, look, it's
[20:17.760 -> 20:22.600] the same tweet in another language because I can't understand it. It has no impact. And
[20:22.600 -> 20:28.760] then that feeds right back into the central theme of high performance often which is your reaction matters an awful lot more than the things
[20:28.760 -> 20:33.260] that happen and I would echo that and say to mum you know don't you be triggered by
[20:33.260 -> 20:36.580] either you know I know it's horrible it's your kid and you know that he's just trying
[20:36.580 -> 20:41.880] his best and working hard but I would just say that what affects me is if you're affected
[20:41.880 -> 20:45.100] by it yeah I'm not interested in the person who said it.
[20:45.100 -> 20:46.860] Steve So can I ask you then, as the mother of somebody
[20:46.860 -> 20:53.740] that has chosen a public profile like Jay Kaz, because you've also got two other children
[20:53.740 -> 20:56.340] that have chosen not to go down a similar route.
[20:56.340 -> 20:58.340] Anna Good job, isn't it?
[20:58.340 -> 21:01.620] Steve Well, I'm just interested in terms of how
[21:01.620 -> 21:08.860] you deal with that, because I remember Jake telling me that sometimes people, when they speak to you, when they say, how's the family, they
[21:08.860 -> 21:13.740] actually often mean, how's Jake? I've seen him on TV. And Jake told me a
[21:13.740 -> 21:18.900] really beautiful story about how you always bring in everybody in the other
[21:18.900 -> 21:23.780] ones. And I'm interested in just your whole philosophy around that. I love my
[21:23.780 -> 21:25.320] kids all equally. I love my kids all equally.
[21:25.320 -> 21:28.040] I love my grandchildren all equally.
[21:28.040 -> 21:30.160] They say, who's your favorite today, grandma?
[21:30.160 -> 21:31.880] Today, they ask you.
[21:31.880 -> 21:35.660] I see such amazing things in my other two kids,
[21:35.660 -> 21:37.280] what they've done, how they're doing it,
[21:37.280 -> 21:40.760] how hard they work, and what nice people they are.
[21:40.760 -> 21:43.960] So Jake isn't special in the family.
[21:43.960 -> 21:46.600] He has a big sister who when he first
[21:46.600 -> 21:51.720] started work was very keen on making sure he knew his place in the family and
[21:51.720 -> 21:55.520] the fact we were very pleased for him but he was still the boy who laid on the
[21:55.520 -> 22:01.400] sofa and ate crisps and nothing changes and I would honestly say to anybody he
[22:01.400 -> 22:06.600] is exactly the same as he's always been. Well, that's not an easy thing to achieve.
[22:06.600 -> 22:10.520] I know you're saying that as a very matter of fact, but it is matter of fact, really.
[22:10.520 -> 22:11.080] It is.
[22:11.480 -> 22:17.640] I mean, I remember him having an interview for, um, blue Peter and I was at work and
[22:17.640 -> 22:20.080] I, and I don't know how I got the message.
[22:20.560 -> 22:21.960] This is just bizarre.
[22:22.000 -> 22:23.680] How can this possibly be happening?
[22:24.080 -> 22:28.260] And that could have been the point where he, you know, went off and didn't get the job
[22:28.260 -> 22:35.480] as it happens, but you could have gone off then and been lost to the family, lost to
[22:35.480 -> 22:37.140] everybody and everything you knew.
[22:37.140 -> 22:39.380] And you know, that just has never happened.
[22:39.380 -> 22:41.540] So it's not, this is no credit on me.
[22:41.540 -> 22:42.540] It's all.
[22:42.540 -> 22:45.000] No, I don't think it is all credit on me and no credit on you.
[22:45.000 -> 22:51.000] I mean, you know, I remember standing in the pit lane in Australia for my first ever Formula One race in 2009.
[22:51.000 -> 22:55.000] And, you know, I've got David Coulthard and Eddie Jordan alongside me.
[22:55.000 -> 22:58.000] I've got A-list celebrities left, right and centre.
[22:58.000 -> 22:59.000] I've got a producer to impress.
[22:59.000 -> 23:03.000] I was given a one-year contract when I started the Formula One job and my boss said to me,
[23:03.000 -> 23:09.120] the first 10 seconds you go on air, everyone will make a decision that will determine what happens next. They'd
[23:09.120 -> 23:12.960] not give me much of a pay rise from my job on CBBC. Do you remember I was thinking this
[23:12.960 -> 23:17.040] new job was going to make my like financial future and it wasn't to be, but they knew I
[23:17.040 -> 23:22.480] wouldn't say no, whatever they offered. And two minutes before we go on air for the first time,
[23:23.360 -> 23:25.120] rang mum and dad. And I did
[23:25.120 -> 23:30.480] that didn't I, every show I think before and after. It just, just grounded me. It reminded
[23:30.480 -> 23:34.720] me where it, where I'd come from. And you know, you know, the story I got into TV because
[23:34.720 -> 23:38.800] I failed my A-levels, which was probably a tricky day for mum because, and I'm still
[23:38.800 -> 23:42.600] a bit annoyed with her because after we'd got the A-level results, I remember her saying,
[23:42.600 -> 23:45.040] what am I, how can I hold my head up in the staff room?
[23:45.040 -> 23:46.080] Do you remember that?
[23:46.080 -> 23:46.960] Yes, I do.
[23:46.960 -> 23:50.480] But I'm thinking, hold on a minute, sod the bloody staff you work with.
[23:50.480 -> 23:51.280] It was my school.
[23:51.840 -> 23:54.720] I don't know what my future holds now, all my plans have gone out the window.
[23:54.720 -> 23:56.800] I was cross, for that day I was cross.
[23:56.800 -> 23:57.120] I know.
[23:58.000 -> 23:58.880] But cross with who?
[23:59.440 -> 23:59.600] With Jake.
[23:59.600 -> 24:02.000] Cross with Jake, yes, because I think he should have worked harder.
[24:02.000 -> 24:08.680] He should have known, he was a big lad, he was full full of confidence and chat and he should have known he was going to fail
[24:09.360 -> 24:11.960] So once you process the anger, yes
[24:11.960 -> 24:17.600] How did you pick him up and go to the head teacher asked to redo your a levels and come back to school?
[24:17.600 -> 24:19.360] Which you did
[24:19.360 -> 24:21.360] Mum was always very much
[24:21.880 -> 24:26.080] Action is solves the problem here. So I remember, and I, you know,
[24:26.080 -> 24:30.280] I never excelled at school, so I remember when I was behind in year 10 and we got my
[24:30.280 -> 24:34.480] end of year report. Do you remember I hid it under my, I hid my end of year report under
[24:34.480 -> 24:39.160] my mattress until it felt like a good day to share it with them, so like good things
[24:39.160 -> 24:45.600] had happened. We also had three boxes which was good, average and poor.
[24:45.600 -> 24:46.800] Do you remember what we've done?
[24:46.800 -> 24:47.800] Yes.
[24:47.800 -> 24:52.120] So I tippexed out all the ones that were in the poor and moved them into the good thinking
[24:52.120 -> 24:53.120] they won't notice that.
[24:53.120 -> 24:55.360] So, I mean, how stupid is that?
[24:55.360 -> 25:01.680] And I remember going, oh, they must have just got them in the wrong boxes and tippexed out.
[25:01.680 -> 25:06.240] And mum then, and I can still see it now, you know those little notebooks with the ring
[25:06.240 -> 25:07.240] on the top?
[25:07.240 -> 25:11.800] She wrote on the front of this notebook, she wrote, this is just before the summer holidays,
[25:11.800 -> 25:15.720] you know the six weeks off in the summer, after Jacob's school report, I would like
[25:15.720 -> 25:21.120] you to fill in here please all the work which has been done to a low standard or that he's
[25:21.120 -> 25:28.560] missed and we will do everything we can over the summer to catch up. And then the rule was, do you remember that summer holiday, I was not
[25:28.560 -> 25:31.680] allowed out with any of my mates or anyone else.
[25:31.680 -> 25:33.680] And you had mates then? You had lots of mates then?
[25:33.680 -> 25:38.520] This is when we'd moved schools by now, things were much better. I was not allowed out until after lunch and the whole
[25:38.520 -> 25:44.680] morning for the whole summer holiday was catching up. My work ethic comes from the
[25:44.680 -> 25:46.920] work ethic at home, that work solves
[25:46.920 -> 25:53.920] pretty much every issue.
[25:53.920 -> 25:59.200] As a person with a very deep voice, I'm hired all the time for advertising campaigns, but
[25:59.200 -> 26:04.940] a deep voice doesn't sell B2B and advertising on the wrong platform doesn't sell B2B either.
[26:04.940 -> 26:09.280] That's why if you're a B2B marketer, you should use LinkedIn ads. LinkedIn has the
[26:09.280 -> 26:13.600] targeting capabilities to help you reach the world's largest professional audience.
[26:13.600 -> 26:19.840] That's right, over 70 million decision makers all in one place. All the big wigs, then medium
[26:19.840 -> 26:24.360] wigs. Also small wigs, who are on the path to becoming big wigs. Okay, that's enough
[26:24.360 -> 26:25.520] about wigs. LinkedIn ads allows you to focus on wigs. Okay, that's enough about wigs.
[26:25.520 -> 26:29.680] LinkedIn ads allows you to focus on getting your B2B message to the right people.
[26:29.680 -> 26:35.120] So, does that mean you should use ads on LinkedIn instead of hiring me, the man with the deepest
[26:35.120 -> 26:36.440] voice in the world?
[26:36.440 -> 26:37.440] Yes.
[26:37.440 -> 26:38.720] Yes, it does.
[26:38.720 -> 26:43.240] Get started today and see why LinkedIn is the place to be, to be.
[26:43.240 -> 26:46.240] We'll even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign.
[26:46.240 -> 26:51.680] Go to LinkedIn.com slash results to claim your credit. That's LinkedIn.com slash results.
[26:51.680 -> 26:59.680] Terms and conditions apply. Save big on the brands you love at the Fred Meyer 5am Black Friday sale.
[26:59.680 -> 27:05.520] Shop in store on Black Friday for 50% off socks and underwear. Board games and card games are buy one
[27:05.520 -> 27:12.240] get one free. Save on great gifts for everyone like TVs and appliances. And the first 100 customers
[27:12.240 -> 27:18.240] on Black Friday will get free gift cards too. So shop Friday, November 24th and save big.
[27:18.240 -> 27:22.560] Doors open at 5am so get there early. Fred Meyer, fresh for everyone.
[27:22.800 -> 27:26.280] they're early. Fred Meyer, fresh for everyone.
[27:28.640 -> 27:32.080] On our podcast, we love to highlight businesses that are doing things a better way so you can live a better life. And
[27:32.080 -> 27:35.680] that's why when I found Mint Mobile, I had to share. So Mint
[27:35.680 -> 27:38.780] Mobile ditched retail stores and all those overhead costs and
[27:38.780 -> 27:42.880] instead sells their phone plans online and passes those savings
[27:42.880 -> 27:47.860] to you. And for a limited time, they're passing on even more savings with a new customer offer that
[27:47.860 -> 27:52.920] cuts all Mint Mobile plans to $15 a month when you purchase a three-month
[27:52.920 -> 28:00.800] plan. That's unlimited talk, text and data for $15 a month. And by the way the
[28:00.800 -> 28:06.640] quality of Mint Mobile's wireless service in comparison to providers that we've worked with before
[28:06.640 -> 28:07.720] is incredible.
[28:07.720 -> 28:10.120] Mint Mobile is here to rescue you
[28:10.120 -> 28:13.000] with premium wireless plans for 15 bucks a month.
[28:13.000 -> 28:15.760] So say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans,
[28:15.760 -> 28:17.480] those jaw-dropping monthly bills,
[28:17.480 -> 28:19.400] those unexpected overages,
[28:19.400 -> 28:21.920] because all the plans come with unlimited talk and text
[28:21.920 -> 28:23.320] and high-speed data
[28:23.320 -> 28:26.000] delivered on the nation's largest 5G network.
[28:26.000 -> 28:32.000] Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan, bring your phone number along with all your existing contacts.
[28:32.000 -> 28:40.000] So ditch overpriced wireless with Mint Mobile's limited time deal and get premium wireless service for just 15 bucks a month.
[28:40.000 -> 28:48.700] To get this new customer offer and your new 3 month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com.hpp.
[28:48.700 -> 28:52.100] That's mintmobile.com.hpp.
[28:52.100 -> 28:57.900] Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com.hpp.
[28:57.900 -> 29:00.300] Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply.
[29:00.300 -> 29:02.100] See Mint Mobile for details.
[29:02.000 -> 29:06.000] see Mint Mobile for details.
[29:12.000 -> 29:13.000] So Liz you brought some items that are related to your son and to parenting. And I haven't seen these.
[29:13.000 -> 29:19.000] These were items that I thought were going to be, you know, following the path of Jake's life.
[29:19.000 -> 29:30.240] Do I give them to him? These two are the roots and wings. Oh, there they are. So that is my grandpa. How amazing is that photograph? That makes
[29:30.240 -> 29:34.240] you emotional, right? So what year would that be, Les?
[29:34.240 -> 29:38.200] 1932, I think. Why does that get you?
[29:38.200 -> 29:41.800] He's handsome. He's handsome, he is.
[29:41.800 -> 29:45.560] And young. And he wasn't on active service, he joined the Colsharine guards
[29:45.560 -> 29:49.640] back as soon as war broke out but they said no we've got no police officers so
[29:49.640 -> 29:56.120] he was shipped back to to Derbyshire police force. Well I was just gonna say I
[29:56.120 -> 30:01.080] think that that really shows you wings from a young, the other one should have
[30:01.080 -> 30:06.000] been first really, the fact that he came from a very very
[30:13.040 -> 30:13.600] Poor village family with no money no prospects and you couldn't even stand at school because his family couldn't afford to send him
[30:15.000 -> 30:17.160] and he You know had dreams and met them
[30:17.680 -> 30:19.680] so tell us what were the
[30:20.280 -> 30:26.380] Qualities or the characteristics of your dad that you that you see in both yourself and then in
[30:26.380 -> 30:28.180] your children and grandchildren?
[30:28.180 -> 30:30.540] I'd say attention to detail, man.
[30:30.540 -> 30:31.540] Yes.
[30:31.540 -> 30:32.540] Do you remember?
[30:32.540 -> 30:33.540] He's quite a sticker.
[30:33.540 -> 30:34.540] Not a hair out of place.
[30:34.540 -> 30:35.540] And his shoes were polished every day.
[30:35.540 -> 30:36.540] He taught me to clean my shoes.
[30:36.540 -> 30:38.260] And his laces were straight every day.
[30:38.260 -> 30:40.780] So how you do anything is how you do everything.
[30:40.780 -> 30:41.780] Exactly.
[30:41.780 -> 30:45.760] So when I do a TV show now and I clean my shoes before a
[30:45.760 -> 30:50.480] football match, I do them myself. When I was working in Formula One, traveling the world,
[30:50.480 -> 30:55.080] I would iron my own shirt in the Winnebago, like no one else irons that shirt, no one,
[30:55.080 -> 31:00.840] like he was Mr. Attention. But he was very kind, he was a very kind chap. Yeah. And then
[31:00.840 -> 31:08.400] the other photo is my granddad, so that's my dad's dad. Basically a pretty common pose for him, sitting in his wheelchair, wearing a sun hat, eating food.
[31:08.400 -> 31:10.400] He loved to barbecue, didn't he?
[31:10.400 -> 31:12.400] And can I ask a related question to that?
[31:12.400 -> 31:19.400] Because Jake has spoken powerfully in the past about his grandmother's suicide.
[31:19.400 -> 31:20.400] Yes.
[31:20.400 -> 31:24.400] In relation to that. And Jake spoke about the impact it had on him.
[31:24.400 -> 31:25.640] I'm interested in the impact that it had on him. I'm interested in
[31:26.120 -> 31:28.420] The impact that it had on you at that time
[31:34.820 -> 31:36.820] She was lovely
[31:41.240 -> 31:49.480] She was the nicest woman wasn't she? Yeah, amazing. She was great to me. How could I
[31:49.480 -> 31:56.400] cry after all these years? I know. She's much miss. She was lovely, but she just couldn't.
[31:56.400 -> 32:09.400] Her husband died, her dad died, would it be six months later? And she just couldn't see the future which was really sad. She
[32:09.400 -> 32:14.560] was good fun, she was... She left a note for the family, it was written on a
[32:14.560 -> 32:18.440] calendar wasn't it? Back of a calendar. I can't remember. I remember in it you know she just
[32:18.440 -> 32:26.120] wrote just go and do amazing things and I think we all carry that now. That was the message that she
[32:26.120 -> 32:47.040] left for you that was her legacy. It's a shame she's missed it all. Yes. Good old Ena. You can tell we're proper So what's your next item Liz? This is to do with cycling. I mean I just said
[32:47.040 -> 32:54.200] something from John. We used to go for bike rides as a family. We lived in
[32:54.200 -> 32:56.800] Peterborough, there were cycle rides everywhere and there's somewhere called
[32:56.800 -> 33:09.760] Ferry Meadows which would be about, would it be about four miles away? Fantastic way fantastic park area so we had Rachel and Jacob but Tom was too little to put
[33:09.760 -> 33:26.000] Thomas on I think we used to call, Hi, Hi Jacob.
[33:26.000 -> 33:28.000] How do we know all these people on this bike ride?
[33:28.000 -> 33:30.000] So they were just...
[33:30.000 -> 33:32.000] We cycled everywhere didn't we?
[33:32.000 -> 33:36.000] Well this is, I mean yes, your dad used to take you to nursery on the back of the bike didn't he?
[33:36.000 -> 33:40.000] And cycling was a great thing living in Peterborough because it was so easy, it was so flat.
[33:40.000 -> 33:48.420] And Jake's abiding passion was cycles until we were about 16 I suppose. Yeah
[33:48.420 -> 33:53.080] probably, till I got my bike nicked out the shed. Yes. So even that bike race you
[33:53.080 -> 33:56.680] mum described earlier, that didn't kill your passion for it? No I think I did a
[33:56.680 -> 34:00.400] couple more, that was the first one I think, I still did a couple more after that. You used to ride out with them didn't you?
[34:00.400 -> 34:04.120] Yes. And then eventually I did yeah, eventually I used to go on a Sunday, sort of
[34:04.120 -> 34:07.160] do the training rides but decided that maybe the competing was
[34:07.160 -> 34:14.560] not for me. You still cycle now? Yeah, not much, but still dream I could compete in the
[34:14.560 -> 34:21.680] Tour de France. But when you see those, those bibs there, how, like, what's your reaction to them?
[34:21.680 -> 34:26.960] Just like all being together. I like seeing the names like Tom
[34:26.960 -> 34:32.160] and Rachel on there like you know we were like a family of ducks. Yeah yeah yeah. But we did like
[34:32.160 -> 34:37.760] we didn't do anything extravagant like we had no money really as a family growing up. I think
[34:37.760 -> 34:41.520] I'm right in saying my dad what was dad's salary when he actually retired at the end of his career
[34:41.520 -> 34:45.800] was like 30 something grand a year you know at the end of his career, it was like 30 something grand a year, you know, at the end of his whole career. Yeah.
[34:45.800 -> 34:48.000] You know, we were not a rich family at that time.
[34:48.000 -> 34:49.000] That's a long time ago.
[34:49.000 -> 34:52.160] Yes, but mum was, you know, part-time teacher, dad charity worker.
[34:52.160 -> 34:54.040] I was full-time for the last 20 years.
[34:54.040 -> 34:56.040] Were you full-time when we were little kids?
[34:56.040 -> 34:57.760] No, till we moved to New York.
[34:57.760 -> 35:02.560] So I remember those days, and just like, so there was no extravagance, right, to keep
[35:02.560 -> 35:03.560] us happy.
[35:03.560 -> 35:05.640] The stuff to keep us happy was,
[35:05.640 -> 35:08.840] let's go on a bike ride, let's play in the garden.
[35:08.840 -> 35:11.480] I mean, the other big thing that I sort of remember
[35:11.480 -> 35:12.480] when I think of this period
[35:12.480 -> 35:15.160] and all the way through my whole upbringing is hard work.
[35:15.160 -> 35:18.080] Like, and I struggle with this a bit now,
[35:18.080 -> 35:20.920] home is like a place that I work all the time.
[35:20.920 -> 35:22.280] I find it hard to be at home
[35:22.280 -> 35:24.640] and to not have a list of jobs and tick them off.
[35:24.640 -> 35:27.800] I mean, I remember constantly every single weekend
[35:27.800 -> 35:32.380] Mom and dad would sit down on a Saturday morning with an A4 paper with a list
[35:32.380 -> 35:34.920] Oh, Liz what we're gonna tick off this weekend, wouldn't you?
[35:34.920 -> 35:39.800] Dad wouldn't go through the day ticking off the jobs, but we also had lots of jobs to do for our jobs, didn't we?
[35:39.800 -> 35:42.840] Yes, it was it was a work ethic house dad would work late
[35:42.840 -> 35:45.140] I'm in I remember him often coming home
[35:45.140 -> 35:49.940] and having food on his lap, wouldn't he? Mum did marking and homework for her teaching
[35:49.940 -> 35:56.300] job all evening and all weekend. And we did fun stuff, but we didn't just walk around
[35:56.300 -> 36:01.340] Norwich, did we? Dad didn't take me to watch football, did he? Weekends were a place for
[36:01.340 -> 36:02.340] work.
[36:02.340 -> 36:10.400] We used to sometimes, when we moved to Norfolkfolk have a supper at the local pub on a Friday night at the end of the working week, but that was about the most extravagant.
[36:11.360 -> 36:19.760] But when we think about the parents set the example, our children are absorbing messages even if you don't explicitly tell them.
[36:20.400 -> 36:22.160] What do you see
[36:22.160 -> 36:26.480] in Jake and in Tom and in Rachel that you think you can draw a
[36:26.480 -> 36:31.600] direct line to you and Rex and the example you set? I don't know whether I
[36:31.600 -> 36:35.800] can do that because you can't look at yourself can you? I can't objectively
[36:35.800 -> 36:42.600] think I did this or this or I failed to do that but I do think that I mean your
[36:42.600 -> 36:47.320] grandma Ina was very influential she was a sparky feisty
[36:47.320 -> 36:49.320] person she had loads of friends she
[36:49.320 -> 36:52.000] really enjoyed her social life she
[36:52.000 -> 36:55.520] enjoyed most things she did and I do see
[36:55.520 -> 36:59.320] Rachel now a daughter it has got lots of
[36:59.320 -> 37:01.440] grandma Ina's traits she lost a garden
[37:01.440 -> 37:03.680] grandma you know she was like I'm going
[37:03.680 -> 37:07.440] to have that tree up and she would dig a tree up, wouldn't she? Just because she thought she could.
[37:07.440 -> 37:12.280] Yeah, that's probably actually where we, when we reflect on her and it feels really raw
[37:12.280 -> 37:16.240] and painful, it's because of that probably, isn't it? Because she had, she was so full
[37:16.240 -> 37:22.120] of like life and like, you know, she just did amazing things. She made stuff happen.
[37:22.120 -> 37:25.080] Power, willpower. Yes. And I think all three
[37:25.080 -> 37:28.520] of us have got that, you know, my brother runs his own business, that's hard work. My
[37:28.520 -> 37:33.040] sister works for the NHS, that's hard work. You know, I mess around on the telly, you
[37:33.040 -> 37:36.920] can probably argue it's not such hard work, but there's an element of that. You know,
[37:36.920 -> 37:42.880] I think that willpower and that hard, like the work ethic from my mum and dad is something
[37:42.880 -> 37:46.000] that I'll forever be grateful for. Makes makes us sound very dull doesn't it?
[37:46.000 -> 37:48.000] But I don't think it is.
[37:48.000 -> 37:50.000] When I see those bibs, I'll tell you the effects it has on me.
[37:50.000 -> 37:54.000] I remember before I became a parent, my wife and I went on,
[37:54.000 -> 37:56.000] because we said we don't know what we're doing,
[37:56.000 -> 37:59.000] and we knew somebody that ran like a parenting skills course,
[37:59.000 -> 38:03.000] and we just went to find out what you do as a mum and dad.
[38:03.000 -> 38:06.160] And there was an exercise that
[38:04.320 -> 38:08.880] reminds me of where they asked us all
[38:06.160 -> 38:10.960] to write down our strongest memories of
[38:08.880 -> 38:12.960] being a child and the impact of it and
[38:10.960 -> 38:14.520] when we collated them there was two
[38:12.960 -> 38:16.640] things that were common. One, it was all
[38:14.520 -> 38:18.320] low-cost activities so it wasn't
[38:16.640 -> 38:21.280] anything, it wasn't about expensive
[38:18.320 -> 38:23.560] outings or games or presents but the
[38:21.280 -> 38:26.320] second thing was it inevitably involved the parent. I mean
[38:26.320 -> 38:31.340] that's what that makes me, that's what it takes my mind when I look at those
[38:31.340 -> 38:36.020] bibs of that's not expensive to go out on the bike. No. But you remember it
[38:36.020 -> 38:42.820] because your mum and dad were there. If we were lucky. Yeah you're right, that family connection. So tell us the third item then please.
[38:42.820 -> 38:47.080] The third item is a bit, it's even more random. It's I had a ticket
[38:47.080 -> 38:50.120] but it's actually I just wanted to
[38:52.320 -> 38:57.300] Emphasize how your relationship with your children very much changes as the years pass
[38:57.960 -> 39:01.080] You know to begin with you are the God in their eyes
[39:01.080 -> 39:25.680] I'm sure you they do everything you say and everything you you want them to and then they change and you change and you have separate more separate lives and we have we have very separate lives but very involved lives we live within walking distance of each other which is quite bizarre and we do enjoy doing things and going out together, at Christmas Rex had a quiz, and it was a question for the women in the
[39:25.680 -> 39:30.800] family, so four of us, what would your favourite thing to do on a Sunday afternoon?
[39:30.800 -> 39:34.480] We all wrote down what we thought, they were all identical, weren't they?
[39:34.480 -> 39:40.800] We liked to go to the beach with the dogs and have a pub lunch, and that was everybody's
[39:40.800 -> 39:44.160] favourite thing to do on a Sunday.
[39:44.160 -> 39:48.040] And Jake introduced us to Matthew Bourne because he lived next door to one of the
[39:48.040 -> 39:49.680] Matthew Bourne dancers at one time.
[39:50.200 -> 39:52.000] And I'd never seen modern ballet.
[39:52.000 -> 39:55.800] I didn't think I was particularly keen on ballet with tutus and little headdresses
[39:55.800 -> 39:56.120] and things.
[39:56.400 -> 40:01.560] Matthew Bourne's ballet at Sadler's Wells, Swan Lake, wasn't it?
[40:01.680 -> 40:01.960] Yeah.
[40:03.040 -> 40:03.960] Blew me away.
[40:04.480 -> 40:06.480] I think I've only seen it three times, but
[40:06.480 -> 40:11.520] we've seen all the ones that come to the, and they come to, to the theatre in Norwich
[40:11.520 -> 40:15.640] and they are just wonderful. And it's, it's sort of things like that, that we have really
[40:15.640 -> 40:21.560] enjoyed and passed on our appreciation of different things. I would perhaps never have
[40:21.560 -> 40:22.560] gone.
[40:22.560 -> 40:23.560] It's weird. You end up learning from your kids in some way.
[40:23.560 -> 40:29.800] That's right. That's right. I mean, there's, there's sort of several things that I would perhaps never have gone. You end up learning from your kids. That's right. That's right. I mean, there's several things that I have done. I have ridden a motorbike
[40:29.800 -> 40:35.880] in London in the traffic. I would never have done that. We went to see Hamilton. Jake treated
[40:35.880 -> 40:40.640] us was it for a Christmas or a birthday or some special treated us to go and see Hamilton.
[40:40.640 -> 40:46.200] And we arrived at the station and I assume we were getting on the tube and he said, no,
[40:46.200 -> 40:47.200] no, no, our transport's over here.
[40:47.200 -> 40:49.200] I thought, oh, taxi, quite nice.
[40:49.200 -> 40:53.000] Anyway, there were just three guys standing there with motorbikes.
[40:53.000 -> 40:55.600] What is going on?
[40:55.600 -> 40:56.800] Here's your helmet.
[40:56.800 -> 40:59.400] Well, it was the most exhilarating.
[40:59.400 -> 41:00.200] It's wonderful.
[41:00.200 -> 41:01.800] Absolutely wonderful.
[41:01.800 -> 41:05.920] So, you know, older
[41:03.800 -> 41:08.480] kids can be sort of your friends as
[41:05.920 -> 41:10.400] well, your kind friends that do nice
[41:08.480 -> 41:12.600] things for you. Lovely, I love that.
[41:10.400 -> 41:14.440] Because that's such a, we were talking about this
[41:12.600 -> 41:17.040] recently Jake and I, where you'd seen
[41:14.440 -> 41:19.040] something that resonated with you, you said it
[41:17.040 -> 41:21.000] was somebody talking about success as a
[41:19.040 -> 41:22.600] parent is when your children want to
[41:21.000 -> 41:26.600] spend time with you, when they don't
[41:22.600 -> 41:28.320] have to. And that's a really beautiful encapsulation of it.
[41:28.320 -> 41:29.160] It is nice.
[41:29.160 -> 41:31.120] I mean, I think there was a time
[41:31.120 -> 41:32.960] when you felt a bit remote,
[41:32.960 -> 41:34.720] simply because you were based in London
[41:34.720 -> 41:36.520] and we were all in Norwich.
[41:36.520 -> 41:37.880] And there was always a little wistful,
[41:37.880 -> 41:40.400] oh, we did that together sort of feeling.
[41:40.400 -> 41:42.440] And you used to phone every day, didn't you?
[41:42.440 -> 41:44.040] When you lived in Norwich,
[41:44.040 -> 41:47.200] a day didn't go past without a quick phone call from Jake,
[41:47.200 -> 41:51.920] which all our friends thought, this is really weird, that he should phone you every day.
[41:51.920 -> 41:52.920] No, it's only a minute.
[41:52.920 -> 41:56.640] It's only, hi, I'm all right.
[41:56.640 -> 41:57.640] And you don't do that anymore.
[41:57.640 -> 41:58.640] Steve Because they live nearby and see them.
[41:58.640 -> 42:04.120] I mean, they, my mum and dad have my kids after school on a Tuesday with every other
[42:04.120 -> 42:08.720] grandchild. So they have seven grandkids on a Tuesday after school, which is quite a feat
[42:08.800 -> 42:14.320] But I remember speaking to you once about this because you said I have to go and it sounded to me on the other end
[42:14.320 -> 42:19.820] of the phone like it was like a swallows and Amazon sort of experience where the kids were climbing trees and
[42:19.920 -> 42:25.960] It was sort of doing like there was no tech involved. It was about just be doing what it sounds like
[42:25.960 -> 42:32.720] Yeah, your three children experienced of being outdoors. Yes. I like to keep them away from screens. It's not easy
[42:33.800 -> 42:39.880] Especially when it's raining or you know, I don't mind if they're playing together on a game, but actually I don't like it much
[42:40.240 -> 42:44.480] So, how are you different as a grandparent than you were as a parent?
[42:45.600 -> 42:49.760] So how are you different as a grandparent than you were as a parent? Much the same I would think am I? Yeah I mean me and my older sister who's not
[42:49.760 -> 42:54.000] much older than me we were walking ourselves to school how many miles? Two?
[42:54.000 -> 42:58.280] Felt like two. I bet it blimmin' well is. Well perhaps it is yes. A couple of miles to
[42:58.280 -> 43:01.680] school I would have been, well I left Peterborough when I was nine so I'd have been
[43:01.680 -> 43:07.400] seven or eight, six, seven, eight. My sister would have been eight or nine and we were walking, I mean, that's the same age
[43:07.400 -> 43:12.280] now as Flo and Seb. I can't imagine Flo and Seb walking out of the front door, walking
[43:12.280 -> 43:15.880] two miles to school, you just assume you'll see them at the end of the day. But that was
[43:15.880 -> 43:19.840] the way that mum and dad were and still are as grandparents. I mean, I once went to collect
[43:19.840 -> 43:33.920] our kids after school one day on a Tuesday and one of the grandkids was in a tree and he said I've been I've been stuck in here for 20 minutes. I'll get you done, you go in the house. But that's brilliant because that doesn't young sort of modern
[43:33.920 -> 43:37.480] parenting doesn't let your kids do that. No I just think I hear you know if
[43:37.480 -> 43:41.320] somebody the little one does fall over a lot because he tries to keep up with his
[43:41.320 -> 43:47.440] big cousins and somebody just brings him in, you know, Joe is nearly 15 nearly 16
[43:48.840 -> 43:51.360] And they just look after each other
[43:51.360 -> 43:56.400] So, you know if there's a problem that somebody will come and tell and he's got a wet foot
[43:56.400 -> 44:00.520] He's put it on the ice in the pond and I think they keep mom and dad young as well. Well mom
[44:01.800 -> 44:06.800] But I think I think mom has a real awareness of getting
[44:06.800 -> 44:10.720] older, don't you? Oh, I hate it, yes. She hates it, she has a sense of her mortality
[44:10.720 -> 44:16.440] now. Like that feeling that, are you going to be at Frances's wedding? I know, I know.
[44:16.440 -> 44:21.160] Probably not, Flo or Seb's, hopefully, maybe not. This, I get this constant sense from
[44:21.160 -> 44:25.760] mum that she wants to pack it in now, she wants the kids to have memories
[44:31.200 -> 44:37.440] of being at her house and impact them while you can. Yes, I mean you know we don't spoil them, we don't do exciting things, they just play and we feed them, but it's very nice to hear
[44:37.440 -> 44:42.560] you know the chat from parents as to what the kids have said about being with us and what
[44:42.560 -> 44:48.480] they've done. I just want the kids to relate to each other, know each other, be best friends.
[44:48.480 -> 44:52.040] I think you see that as your legacy, the cousins almost having a brother-sister
[44:52.040 -> 44:57.280] relationship. Well they are my stake in the future, aren't they? Let's ask a question
[44:57.280 -> 45:01.360] about that and I want you to overcome your natural self-deprecation and tell me,
[45:01.360 -> 45:05.680] when your grandchildren are one day interviewed
[45:05.680 -> 45:09.920] and they're asked to like tell us about your grandma, what do you want them to
[45:09.920 -> 45:18.560] say about you? Oh, I don't know. They loved me.
[45:20.400 -> 45:27.000] She's off again? There's nothing else to say to that, is there? That says everything.
[45:27.000 -> 45:35.000] Goes by quick. Goes by way too quickly. Yeah. So Jade, well let's build on that
[45:35.000 -> 45:42.240] then and ask when you think of your mum, what are the immediate
[45:42.240 -> 45:48.880] thoughts that come to mind? What would you want? The first thing is, and probably the most important thing, I would just say as you can see today, she left it all out there.
[45:48.880 -> 45:55.200] You know, very emotional, her emotions run very close to the surface, but I think
[45:55.200 -> 45:59.080] that's because she cares. Like you can see the love for her dad still, who's been
[45:59.080 -> 46:03.700] dead for almost 30 years, the love for her mother-in-law, who like, you know, she
[46:03.700 -> 46:05.520] clearly dearly loved, the love for her grandchildren, the love for her mother-in-law who like you know she clearly dearly loved,
[46:05.520 -> 46:10.160] the love for her grandchildren, the love for her job being a teacher, the love for the kids that
[46:10.160 -> 46:14.560] she taught for all those years, the love for my dad, the fact they've been together for so long
[46:14.560 -> 46:20.080] and you know he can be a tricky at times. Only for a short time. She left it all out there.
[46:21.200 -> 46:26.300] She let you know how she felt about you. There is, you know, when my
[46:26.300 -> 46:31.040] mum finally isn't around, nobody will go, oh I wonder whether she really loved me, I
[46:31.040 -> 46:36.160] wonder whether she really cared, like we know how mum feels about us and I think that's
[46:36.160 -> 46:40.720] the most important thing. So can we ask you some quickfire questions then in relation
[46:40.720 -> 46:45.360] to... Who are you with quickfire? I don't know. Well take your time and we'll see how we get on.
[46:45.360 -> 46:51.640] Okay. What would you say then are the three non-negotiable behaviors for being
[46:51.640 -> 46:59.380] a parent that you would like to pass on to listeners? Set a good example, listen
[46:59.380 -> 47:08.080] to your kids and I suppose being encouraging. Whatever they think they would like to do, have a go,
[47:08.080 -> 47:16.680] give it a shot. So what advice would you give to a teenage Liz, before she became a parent?
[47:16.680 -> 47:25.300] Oh, enjoy life a bit more, be a bit braver, I think think I think to some extent it was circumstance
[47:25.300 -> 47:30.500] living in the fence there's not much going on but I would advise me to be
[47:30.500 -> 47:34.160] braver what would you say is your greatest strength as a parent and your
[47:34.160 -> 47:41.760] biggest weakness greatest strength I'm their biggest weakness can't you can
[47:41.760 -> 47:45.280] think of this pointing out my mum's weakness.
[47:45.280 -> 47:46.280] Lucy.
[47:46.280 -> 47:47.280] Yeah, you can.
[47:47.280 -> 47:48.280] Jay.
[47:48.280 -> 47:50.640] It's very hard to point out a weakness for your, for your parent because-
[47:50.640 -> 47:51.640] Lucy.
[47:51.640 -> 47:52.640] Well, this is for yourself, isn't it?
[47:52.640 -> 47:56.840] You, I can't accept that, you know, I haven't found a weakness and done something about
[47:56.840 -> 47:57.840] it.
[47:57.840 -> 47:58.840] Jay.
[47:58.840 -> 47:59.840] There you go.
[47:59.840 -> 48:00.840] That's a nice insight into the way that my mum and dad have lived.
[48:00.840 -> 48:01.840] I can't accept that if I'd have found it, I wouldn't have dealt with it.
[48:01.840 -> 48:02.840] Steve.
[48:02.840 -> 48:03.840] You wouldn't have dealt with it, yeah.
[48:03.840 -> 48:04.840] It's a good one.
[48:04.840 -> 48:05.600] Lucy. Will that do? Steve. It was a great it. If I'd have found it, I wouldn't have dealt with it. You wouldn't have dealt with it, yeah. It's a good one.
[48:05.600 -> 48:07.600] Will that do?
[48:07.600 -> 48:11.600] It was a great answer. There's no right or wrong answers. It's not a Tesla.
[48:11.600 -> 48:13.600] You know what I mean. You know what I mean.
[48:13.600 -> 48:15.600] I do. And it's a lovely answer.
[48:15.600 -> 48:26.880] If you could go back to one moment of your parenting life, what would it be? Why? Um, I suppose We're a very chatty family
[48:27.120 -> 48:28.080] um
[48:28.080 -> 48:29.600] and if
[48:29.600 -> 48:32.400] There was not an extra person around the table
[48:33.200 -> 48:38.000] Um, it was unusual for you know, most weeks there'd be somebody else some other friend
[48:38.800 -> 48:43.360] Um, I can't remember which friend when dad got a ruler out and measured the pie
[48:43.600 -> 48:52.360] So that everybody got exactly the same, do you remember that? An actual physical ruler? An actual physical ruler and it was a round pie and we had
[48:52.360 -> 48:58.560] obviously extra person for tea, he was measuring but I think the general
[48:58.560 -> 49:04.280] kerfuffle and hubbub round the table at meal times and it used to get so and
[49:04.280 -> 49:09.800] still maybe sometimes still does and do you remember whoever held the pepper pot everybody
[49:09.800 -> 49:13.300] else had to shut up and listen to that person to make the point they wanted to
[49:13.300 -> 49:19.140] make so those sort of things sitting around a table eating together. When
[49:19.140 -> 49:24.220] you've got little kids or even littleish kids like we have sometimes it gets a
[49:24.220 -> 49:26.920] bit much doesn't it always people people, always busy, always mad.
[49:26.920 -> 49:30.160] I think that is a good lesson for these days.
[49:30.160 -> 49:32.040] The house is quiet quick, isn't it?
[49:32.040 -> 49:33.040] Before you know it, they're gone.
[49:33.040 -> 49:34.040] Yes.
[49:34.040 -> 49:35.040] And the house is silent.
[49:35.040 -> 49:37.760] And you know, the one thing mum wants back is the madness every single meal time.
[49:37.760 -> 49:38.760] Yeah.
[49:38.760 -> 49:41.840] It's a good lesson for parents of young children now.
[49:41.840 -> 49:47.120] If there was a motto to describe your style of
[49:44.960 -> 49:50.560] parenting, what would it be?
[49:47.120 -> 49:51.680] Oh, give it a go, I think. Whatever you
[49:50.560 -> 49:55.360] think,
[49:51.680 -> 49:58.000] give it a go. And if it's wrong, then
[49:55.360 -> 50:00.080] you change it. And finally, what would you
[49:58.000 -> 50:03.760] say is your one golden rule
[50:00.080 -> 50:05.440] for being a parent? Always, always
[50:03.760 -> 50:08.800] treat everybody with respect, I think make sure you involve
[50:08.800 -> 50:21.240] everybody equally. Thank you so much. Damian, Jake, I know it's my mum and obviously I think
[50:21.240 -> 50:30.320] the world of her and I really enjoyed that conversation actually, although it's kind of strange in equal measure. But I really hope that for, you know, maybe for
[50:30.320 -> 50:36.080] some young parents listening to this, for someone who's got children in their 40s, that they can
[50:37.200 -> 50:42.160] learn from what my mum spoke about and remember like the power of connection is so important when
[50:42.160 -> 50:48.200] it comes to parenting. Just being a parent isn't enough, being a present parent is what matters. Yeah definitely, I
[50:48.200 -> 50:53.120] mean from my point of view, thank you, it was a real privilege to you and to your
[50:53.120 -> 50:57.640] mum that you were prepared to both speak so candidly and honestly about it, about
[50:57.640 -> 51:03.160] the highs and the lows of your experience and of being a parent and it
[51:03.160 -> 51:08.840] was that that I said to you mum innit, that when I became a dad, I didn't know what I was doing.
[51:08.840 -> 51:10.120] I still don't.
[51:10.120 -> 51:12.840] My kids would probably say, but when I went on that course
[51:12.840 -> 51:14.920] and understood that it was about,
[51:14.920 -> 51:17.240] didn't have to be expensive stuff you did,
[51:17.240 -> 51:21.080] it was about just being there and doing stuff with them.
[51:21.080 -> 51:28.080] The power of being present is really important. And I feel I've lost sight of that along the way sometimes gyda nhw, mae'r pwer yn bod yn bwysig iawn, ac rwy'n teimlo, rwy'n cael gweld hynny'n y ffordd
[51:28.080 -> 51:34.320] weithiau, lle rwyf wedi mynd i weithio fy hun i ffraswl, meddwl fy mod i'n gwneud y peth, rwy'n ei wneud
[51:34.320 -> 51:40.080] ar gyfer fy nhrolwyr, ac fel i mi, roedd Covid yn fwy fawr, oherwydd mae'n fy nabod i fod yn ymlaen, ac mae'n gwneud i
[51:40.080 -> 51:46.320] mi sefydlu bod y plant ddim yn ymwneud ag yr hyn rydw i'n ei ddod o mewn, maen nhw'n ymwneud ag i fi fod made me realize that the kids weren't bothered about what I was bringing in, they
[51:44.040 -> 51:49.120] were bothered about me being in and being
[51:46.320 -> 51:50.920] there for them and I think listening to
[51:49.120 -> 51:52.760] your mum was a powerful reminder of that
[51:50.920 -> 51:54.880] for me as well. Yeah I mean look at the
[51:52.760 -> 51:57.600] three things that she chose to bring in
[51:54.880 -> 52:00.120] in her little carrier bag of joy. A
[51:57.600 -> 52:01.960] photo of my grandparents, well that's not
[52:00.120 -> 52:04.920] something that costs money or that you
[52:01.960 -> 52:06.480] buy or that is material and then three
[52:04.920 -> 52:07.920] bibs worn by me, my brother and sister, when out cycling that is
[52:07.920 -> 52:11.840] representing us being together as a family and then the final one which was
[52:11.840 -> 52:15.920] a program for a theater show that I took her to when I was a lot older. Again it
[52:15.920 -> 52:19.280] was not to do with the theater show it was to do with the connection all of
[52:19.280 -> 52:25.040] those things that she brought were about human connection. Yeah, definitely.
[52:25.040 -> 52:28.680] And I think there's something there that any of us can can recognize.
[52:28.680 -> 52:31.600] You know, we always say that definition of high performance
[52:31.600 -> 52:34.040] is doing the best you can, where you are in the moment you're in.
[52:34.480 -> 52:36.440] And I think that is exactly.
[52:39.600 -> 52:43.120] Save big on the brands you love at the Fred Meyer 5 a.m.
[52:43.120 -> 52:48.680] Black Friday sale shop in store on Black Friday for 50% off socks and underwear.
[52:48.680 -> 52:51.880] Board games and card games are buy one get one free.
[52:51.880 -> 52:55.860] Save on great gifts for everyone like TVs and appliances.
[52:55.860 -> 53:00.160] And the first 100 customers on Black Friday will get free gift cards too.
[53:00.160 -> 53:03.280] So shop Friday, November 24th and save big.
[53:03.280 -> 53:05.600] Doors open at 5am som. So get there early.
[53:05.600 -> 53:07.600] Fred Meyer, fresh for everyone.
[53:11.000 -> 53:14.600] So what your mom said that you don't need great wealth, you don't need great privilege,
[53:14.600 -> 53:21.000] you don't need lots of advantages, you just need to care to be there in the moment
[53:21.400 -> 53:26.960] and be consistent in the way that you show up and show you
[53:24.800 -> 53:28.320] love and affection. Oh by the way if
[53:26.960 -> 53:31.400] you're a parent listening to this or a
[53:28.320 -> 53:34.040] parent to be or you're a child of a
[53:31.400 -> 53:36.080] parent, all of us are, you do feel like
[53:34.040 -> 53:38.800] you're getting it wrong 99% of the
[53:36.080 -> 53:40.640] time right? So I have an understanding that
[53:38.800 -> 53:42.160] that is kind of the default mode is, oh I
[53:40.640 -> 53:44.120] messed up as a parent, we all feel like
[53:42.160 -> 53:45.800] it. Well there was something in this
[53:44.120 -> 53:47.640] conversation with my wife recently because we're saying even if you did
[53:47.640 -> 53:51.640] everything perfectly that would create issues in its own right because life
[53:51.640 -> 53:54.880] isn't perfect. So when your children grow up and become an adult and these
[53:54.880 -> 54:00.080] experience imperfections, they don't have the the minerals to be able to cope with
[54:00.080 -> 54:25.680] it. So it's not about getting it perfect, it's just doing the best job thatffi'r pwynt y mae eich mam wedi dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dweud, dwe They're remarkably forgiving in terms of my own inadequacies or my own failings.
[54:25.680 -> 54:28.320] Toby Well look, thank you for your honesty.
[54:28.320 -> 54:30.160] Thank you for steering the conversation so well.
[54:30.160 -> 54:31.880] Karl No, it was a privilege, mate.
[54:31.880 -> 54:33.560] Thank you for letting me do it.
[54:33.560 -> 54:35.840] Toby Well, thanks as always to listening to this
[54:35.840 -> 54:37.600] episode of the High Performance Podcast.
[54:37.600 -> 54:41.720] I hope that it was an interesting insight into the way that I've been brought up and
[54:41.720 -> 54:45.480] the lessons and the moments that have perhaps shaped the way that I see the world and
[54:45.480 -> 54:50.420] Huge thanks to my mom as well very much out of her comfort zone coming on here and talking in that way
[54:50.420 -> 54:57.040] So hugely appreciated and of course without the great questions and the brilliant steering from professor Damien Hughes
[54:57.240 -> 55:00.540] It wouldn't have been anything like it was so thanks to Damien as well
[55:00.540 -> 55:03.200] And don't forget for you listening to this you can get even more from us
[55:03.200 -> 55:09.160] You can check us out on YouTube or you can head to the highperformancepodcast.com to see all
[55:09.160 -> 55:26.240] the things that we're up to. Thanks for listening. Bye!