Podcast: The High Performance
Published Date:
Mon, 02 Jan 2023 00:01:43 GMT
Duration:
1:08:35
Explicit:
False
Guests:
MP3 Audio:
Please note that the summary is generated based on the transcript and may not capture all the nuances or details discussed in the podcast episode.
Courtney Black is a fitness influencer, Sunday Times best selling author and the owner of one of the most successful UK fitness apps, ‘Courtney Black Fitness’. Courtney believes that high performance is 'being successful at something that you are truly authentic with', a motto she has employed in the building of her fitness empire. In this episode, Courtney shares how she scaled her business, utilising her social media following to grow her brand and having to change direction due to the pandemic. She highlights the importance of self development, finding purpose and making difficult decisions in business.
Courtney also discusses the eating disorder that she developed as a teenager. She offers insight into how her eating disorder overwhelmed her life, opening up about her lack of self-confidence and the changes in her personality. She encourages us to challenge our own beauty standards, and shares that exercise shouldn't just be about looking good - it should be about feeling good!
If you, or someone you know, is struggling with an eating disorder, please follow the link below:
- - - -
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**Navigating Challenges and Building a Fitness Empire: Courtney Black's Journey**
**Introduction:**
Courtney Black, a fitness influencer, Sunday Times best-selling author, and the founder of one of the UK's most successful fitness apps, 'Courtney Black Fitness,' shares her inspiring story of overcoming challenges, embracing self-development, and building a thriving business.
**Overcoming an Eating Disorder:**
Courtney candidly discusses her struggles with an eating disorder during her teenage years. She opens up about how it consumed her life, leading to a lack of self-confidence and negative personality changes. Courtney emphasizes the importance of challenging societal beauty standards and encourages people to focus on feeling good rather than just looking good through exercise.
**The Power of Self-Development:**
Courtney highlights the significance of self-development in her journey. She emphasizes the need to identify and separate external factors beyond our control from those within our control. By focusing on personal growth and purpose, Courtney transformed her mindset and became the most successful version of herself.
**Adapting to Change:**
The COVID-19 pandemic brought unexpected challenges to Courtney's business. She had to quickly adapt and change direction, demonstrating resilience and adaptability. Courtney's ability to embrace change and find new opportunities amidst adversity proved crucial in sustaining her business.
**Making Difficult Decisions:**
Courtney reflects on the difficult decisions she had to make throughout her entrepreneurial journey. She emphasizes the importance of trusting one's intuition and making choices that align with personal values and goals. Courtney encourages listeners to embrace challenges and not shy away from making tough decisions when necessary.
**Key Insights:**
* **High performance is about being successful at something you are truly authentic with.**
* **Challenge societal beauty standards and focus on feeling good through exercise.**
* **Self-development is essential for personal growth and success.**
* **Embrace change and adapt to new opportunities.**
* **Trust your intuition and make difficult decisions aligned with your values and goals.**
**Conclusion:**
Courtney Black's journey serves as an inspiration for those seeking to overcome challenges, pursue their passions, and achieve high performance in their lives. By embracing self-development, adapting to change, and making difficult decisions, Courtney built a thriving fitness empire and became a role model for many. Her story highlights the importance of authenticity, resilience, and the pursuit of purpose in achieving success.
**Courtney Black's Journey to Self-Discovery and Business Success**
Courtney Black, a fitness influencer, Sunday Times best-selling author, and owner of one of the UK's most successful fitness apps, Courtney Black Fitness, shares her inspiring story of overcoming an eating disorder, evolving her business, and finding true happiness.
**Overcoming an Eating Disorder**
Courtney candidly discusses her struggles with an eating disorder as a teenager. She describes how her pursuit of perfection led her to develop unhealthy habits, including excessive exercise, restrictive eating, and body dysmorphia. She emphasizes the importance of challenging societal beauty standards and promoting a healthy relationship with exercise and food.
**The Power of Authenticity**
Courtney's journey to recovery and self-acceptance involved embracing her true self and letting go of the facade she had created on social media. She realized that being authentic and vulnerable with her followers resonated with them more than her carefully curated image. This authenticity led to a surge in genuine connections and support from her audience.
**Evolving Her Business**
Courtney's business, initially built on the pillars of toxicity and vanity, underwent a significant transformation as she embraced authenticity. She shifted her focus from selling a perfect image to empowering individuals to feel good about themselves. This genuine approach resulted in a more engaged and loyal following, leading to the success of her fitness app and other ventures.
**The Importance of Self-Development**
Courtney emphasizes the significance of personal growth and self-development in achieving success and happiness. She encourages individuals to ask themselves tough questions about their motivations, values, and goals. She believes that continuous learning and introspection are essential for staying motivated and making meaningful contributions to the world.
**Making Difficult Decisions**
Courtney highlights the challenges of making difficult decisions, particularly when they involve letting go of relationships or opportunities that no longer serve one's best interests. She stresses the importance of trusting one's intuition and surrounding oneself with supportive individuals who genuinely care about one's well-being.
**Key Takeaways**
1. **Embrace Authenticity:** Being genuine and vulnerable with your audience fosters deeper connections and builds a loyal following.
2. **Focus on Impact:** Shift your focus from selling a perfect image to empowering individuals to make positive changes in their lives.
3. **Prioritize Self-Development:** Continuously invest in personal growth and introspection to stay motivated and make meaningful contributions.
4. **Make Difficult Decisions:** Trust your intuition and have the courage to let go of relationships or opportunities that no longer serve you.
5. **Surround Yourself with Positivity:** Surround yourself with supportive individuals who genuinely care about your well-being.
# Podcast Episode Summary: Courtney Black - "High Performance"
**Courtney Black's Journey to Success:**
- Courtney Black, a fitness influencer, Sunday Times bestselling author, and owner of one of the UK's most successful fitness apps, "Courtney Black Fitness," shares her journey to building her fitness empire.
- She emphasizes the importance of high performance as "being successful at something that you are truly authentic with."
**Overcoming an Eating Disorder:**
- Courtney opens up about her struggles with an eating disorder as a teenager.
- She describes how the disorder overwhelmed her life, leading to low self-confidence and changes in her personality.
- Courtney encourages listeners to challenge societal beauty standards and emphasizes that exercise should be about feeling good, not just looking good.
**The Importance of Self-Development and Purpose:**
- Courtney highlights the significance of self-development and finding purpose in life.
- She believes that making difficult decisions in business is essential for growth.
**Navigating Business Challenges:**
- Courtney discusses the challenges she faced during the COVID-19 pandemic when her gym-based business had to pivot to home workouts.
- She explains how she adapted her business model, utilized her social media following, and focused on subscriber growth to overcome these challenges.
**The Power of Therapy and Building a Supportive Team:**
- Courtney credits therapy with helping her manage the pressures of entrepreneurship and maintaining a healthy work-life balance.
- She emphasizes the importance of surrounding oneself with honest and supportive people, both personally and professionally.
**The Importance of Empathy and Authenticity:**
- Courtney reflects on her journey and recognizes the importance of empathy and authenticity in achieving success.
- She believes that genuine connections with others and a focus on well-being are crucial for long-term success.
**Key Takeaways:**
- High performance is about being authentic and successful in areas that align with one's values.
- Self-development and finding purpose are essential for personal and professional growth.
- Adaptability and resilience are crucial for navigating challenges and achieving success.
- Therapy and building a supportive team can help individuals manage stress and maintain a healthy work-life balance.
- Empathy and authenticity are key ingredients for building genuine connections and achieving long-term success.
# Podcast Episode Summary: Courtney Black's Journey to Fitness Empire Success and Eating Disorder Struggles
**Courtney Black's Journey to Fitness Empire Success**
* Courtney Black, a fitness influencer, Sunday Times best-selling author, and founder of one of the UK's most successful fitness apps, 'Courtney Black Fitness,' shares her story of building her fitness empire.
* She emphasizes the importance of self-development, finding purpose, and making difficult business decisions.
**Courtney Black's Eating Disorder Struggles**
* Courtney opens up about her struggles with an eating disorder as a teenager.
* She describes how the disorder consumed her life, leading to low self-confidence and changes in her personality.
* Courtney encourages listeners to challenge societal beauty standards and emphasizes that exercise should be about feeling good, not just looking good.
**Key Takeaways**
* High performance is defined as "being successful at something that you are truly authentic with."
* Courtney's success is attributed to her ability to connect with her audience and provide value through her fitness app and social media presence.
* Courtney's journey highlights the importance of authenticity, self-belief, and resilience in achieving success.
* Eating disorders can be devastating, and it is important to seek help if you or someone you know is struggling.
**Call to Action**
* Courtney encourages listeners to challenge societal beauty standards and focus on feeling good through exercise.
* She also emphasizes the importance of seeking help if you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder.
**Additional Information**
* For more information on eating disorders and how to get help, please visit the following website: https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/get-help-for-myself/i-need-support-now/helplines/
* Tickets for the High Performance Podcast live tour are available at: https://www.thehighperformancepodcast.com/live2023
* The High Performance Daily Journal is now available: smarturl.it/HPJournal
* Subscribe to the High Performance Podcast YouTube channel: https://bit.ly/3UKkrRD
* Join the High Performance Podcast book club: https://www.facebook.com/groups/highperformancebookclub
* Join the High Performance Podcast Telegram channel: https://t.me/highperformance_circle
[00:00.000 -> 00:07.560] Hi there, I'm Jake Humphrey and I wish you a very happy new year from the High Performance
[00:07.560 -> 00:09.040] Podcast.
[00:09.040 -> 00:14.680] Throughout 2023, we are going to be standing right alongside you, reminding you that it's
[00:14.680 -> 00:15.680] within.
[00:15.680 -> 00:18.960] Your ambition, your purpose, your story are all there.
[00:18.960 -> 00:22.840] We are going to help unlock it by turning the lived experiences of the planet's highest
[00:22.840 -> 00:25.240] performers into your life lessons
[00:25.240 -> 00:28.880] every single week throughout the new year.
[00:28.880 -> 00:32.760] Myself and Professor Damien Hughes are going to be having conversations that may well just
[00:32.760 -> 00:38.640] change the game for you, but I want to start 2023 by sharing a quote from Epictetus, one
[00:38.640 -> 00:40.160] of the Stoics.
[00:40.160 -> 00:41.160] He says,
[00:41.160 -> 00:46.120] The chief task in life is simply this, to identify and separate matters
[00:46.120 -> 00:48.360] so that I can say clearly to myself,
[00:48.360 -> 00:51.280] which are externals not under my control
[00:51.280 -> 00:55.600] and which have to do with the choices I actually control.
[00:55.600 -> 00:56.560] And I wanted to share that
[00:56.560 -> 00:59.240] because I think that's the single most important message
[00:59.240 -> 01:03.400] for you to hear from me ahead of a brand new year.
[01:03.400 -> 01:05.220] It was probably the most important practice
[01:05.220 -> 01:06.360] in Stoic philosophy,
[01:06.360 -> 01:10.260] understanding the difference between what we can change
[01:10.260 -> 01:11.740] and what we can't.
[01:11.740 -> 01:14.320] Realizing that things will happen all the time to us
[01:14.320 -> 01:15.860] that we can't control,
[01:15.860 -> 01:18.520] but it's still our responsibility to deal with them.
[01:18.520 -> 01:21.840] Realizing that in 2023, despite best intentions,
[01:21.840 -> 01:23.480] despite best efforts,
[01:23.480 -> 01:25.280] despite doing everything that you think you can,
[01:25.280 -> 01:26.400] things will still go wrong.
[01:27.040 -> 01:29.680] Moments will still arrive where everything feels like a failure,
[01:29.680 -> 01:31.040] where you feel like you're struggling.
[01:31.920 -> 01:33.120] That will happen.
[01:33.120 -> 01:36.400] But what you have to do is let go of those things.
[01:37.200 -> 01:40.160] You can't control the uncontrollable.
[01:40.160 -> 01:42.560] I think it's a great thought to start the new year with.
[01:43.200 -> 01:46.520] I also think this is a great episode to start the new year with. I also think this is a great episode
[01:46.520 -> 01:48.320] to start the new year with.
[01:48.320 -> 01:52.440] Today, we welcome Courtney Black.
[01:52.440 -> 01:54.200] My friends think I'm mental.
[01:54.200 -> 01:56.680] I wake up at five in the morning and Amy, she goes to me,
[01:56.680 -> 02:00.000] you don't just get out of bed, you leap out of bed.
[02:00.000 -> 02:01.920] You're like a zombie getting out of bed
[02:01.920 -> 02:04.160] because my mind is constantly going.
[02:04.160 -> 02:05.760] I am always thinking, what's next, what's next? I told you guys because my mind is constantly going. I am always thinking what's
[02:05.760 -> 02:09.920] next, what's next. I told you guys earlier that I'm constantly moving. I'm moving places because
[02:09.920 -> 02:16.720] I don't know where I want to be. I was born in 96 so at that time it was the best beach bodies,
[02:16.720 -> 02:23.040] the best magazines. I used to run on the treadmill to the Victoria's Secret catwalk for hours. It
[02:23.040 -> 02:25.520] cost me £100 to make this e-book, right? It probably
[02:25.520 -> 02:30.760] took me a week to make it and I earned like £300k off of it. I know it's a very typical
[02:30.760 -> 02:34.200] thing that people probably hear on us all the time, oh you have to make a lot of sacrifices,
[02:34.200 -> 02:35.200] but you do.
[02:35.200 -> 02:38.900] You know, I really enjoyed this conversation. Courtney Black is very quickly becoming a
[02:38.900 -> 02:43.520] household name. She has hundreds of thousands of people following her online. Her fitness
[02:43.520 -> 02:45.640] business and her app are hugely popular.
[02:45.640 -> 02:47.900] You're about to hear that her energy is infectious,
[02:47.900 -> 02:49.520] her openness is disarming.
[02:49.520 -> 02:51.320] She has a true army of followers.
[02:51.320 -> 02:53.920] She is an inspiration for me.
[02:53.920 -> 02:55.200] I also think she's the epitome
[02:55.200 -> 02:59.000] of a purpose-driven businesswoman in 2023.
[02:59.000 -> 03:01.120] But you're about to hear both the things
[03:01.120 -> 03:02.320] that she was able to control
[03:02.320 -> 03:04.840] and the things that were out of her control.
[03:04.840 -> 03:06.960] You're also gonna hear how she reacted to the things that she was able to control and the things that were out of her control. You're also gonna hear how she reacted
[03:06.960 -> 03:08.520] to the things that she couldn't control.
[03:08.520 -> 03:10.440] You're gonna hear her talk about pain
[03:10.440 -> 03:12.640] from years gone by that drives her daily
[03:12.640 -> 03:14.780] to deliver to her very best.
[03:14.780 -> 03:18.600] This is the true story of how she built her fitness empire
[03:18.600 -> 03:20.400] and what you can learn from her
[03:20.400 -> 03:21.600] and how you must realize
[03:21.600 -> 03:24.760] that as we bring you the first episode of 2023,
[03:24.760 -> 03:29.200] taking control of your future is scary, but absolutely vital.
[03:29.200 -> 03:34.000] I really hope you stick with high performance every single week throughout 2023.
[03:34.000 -> 03:38.800] We talk all the time about creating habits and how important consistency is.
[03:38.800 -> 03:46.000] I'd like you to consistently come back to this podcast every single week throughout 2023, particularly when you're struggling,
[03:46.000 -> 03:50.000] as we bring you game-changing content every single week.
[03:50.000 -> 03:52.000] Here we go then.
[03:52.000 -> 03:56.000] Let's kick off the biggest ever year of high-performance content
[03:56.000 -> 03:59.000] by welcoming Courtney Black.
[04:03.000 -> 04:08.880] As a person with a very deep voice, I'm hired all the time for advertising campaigns.
[04:08.880 -> 04:14.600] But a deep voice doesn't sell B2B, and advertising on the wrong platform doesn't sell B2B either.
[04:14.600 -> 04:18.680] That's why if you're a B2B marketer, you should use LinkedIn ads.
[04:18.680 -> 04:22.680] LinkedIn has the targeting capabilities to help you reach the world's largest professional
[04:22.680 -> 04:23.680] audience.
[04:23.680 -> 04:27.640] That's right, over 70 million decision makers all in one place.
[04:27.640 -> 04:33.000] All the big wigs, then medium wigs, also small wigs who are on the path to becoming big wigs.
[04:33.000 -> 04:35.160] Okay, that's enough about wigs.
[04:35.160 -> 04:39.600] LinkedIn ads allows you to focus on getting your B2B message to the right people.
[04:39.600 -> 04:44.760] So does that mean you should use ads on LinkedIn instead of hiring me, the man with the deepest
[04:44.760 -> 04:46.160] voice in the world?
[04:46.160 -> 04:47.160] Yes.
[04:47.160 -> 04:48.360] Yes, it does.
[04:48.360 -> 04:52.880] Get started today and see why LinkedIn is the place to be, to be.
[04:52.880 -> 04:56.160] We'll even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign.
[04:56.160 -> 04:59.360] Go to LinkedIn.com slash results to claim your credit.
[04:59.360 -> 05:01.760] That's LinkedIn.com slash results.
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[06:47.360 -> 06:50.680] So Courtney, what does high performance mean to you?
[06:50.680 -> 06:54.960] For me, high performance is probably a bit different to what other people have said.
[06:54.960 -> 06:59.840] And it's being successful at something that you're being truly authentic with. For such
[06:59.840 -> 07:04.600] a long time, I was trying to live up to like a standard that I couldn't maintain. And I
[07:04.600 -> 07:08.100] lost myself completely with that. I've become the most successful version of
[07:08.100 -> 07:12.000] myself and the biggest high performer that I could be when I've stopped
[07:12.000 -> 07:15.400] worrying so much about stuff like that. I mean I've had such huge pressure on my
[07:15.400 -> 07:19.320] shoulders from such a young age and I feel like that is again is what made me
[07:19.320 -> 07:24.040] lose myself. I mean I had an eating disorder when I was like 17 and that's
[07:24.040 -> 07:25.060] completely life-changing
[07:25.060 -> 07:28.800] but that's because I was so worried about what people thought when they looked at me
[07:28.800 -> 07:32.980] and then I started having panic attacks when my business was probably at its biggest when
[07:32.980 -> 07:37.180] it was booming because I was so worried about like what people thought about my workouts.
[07:37.180 -> 07:41.340] I know it sounds silly but about what people was doing if they liked what I was doing and
[07:41.340 -> 07:46.640] if they liked what I was providing them and then that again made me lose myself again.
[07:46.640 -> 07:50.160] I've become the most successful version of myself when I've stopped worrying about that
[07:50.160 -> 07:53.040] so much and I've just become authentic to who I am.
[07:53.040 -> 07:57.480] I think anyone that you meet and they're being truly authentic to who they are, you start
[07:57.480 -> 07:58.480] loving them, right?
[07:58.480 -> 07:59.480] You love what they do.
[07:59.480 -> 08:01.120] You love how they are as a person.
[08:01.120 -> 08:02.560] You feel like you can connect to them.
[08:02.560 -> 08:06.240] I feel like every single day I have such a big pressure on my shoulders because I have so many
[08:06.240 -> 08:10.400] thousands of people in fact giving me that one hour of their day to come and
[08:10.400 -> 08:13.280] train with me, to come and work out with me and that can make or break their day
[08:13.280 -> 08:17.920] and I feel like that's a huge pressure but I can't worry about that too much
[08:17.920 -> 08:20.720] because it's gonna be so many people that don't enjoy something but then they
[08:20.720 -> 08:24.200] do enjoy something. There's everyone thinks a completely different way and
[08:24.200 -> 08:26.200] you can't control the way that someone thinks and
[08:26.200 -> 08:30.520] I think the the best way to be a high performer is to just love what you do.
[08:30.520 -> 08:35.600] That's personally for me what being a high performer is. So let's roll the
[08:35.600 -> 08:39.920] clock back then to the period where you were struggling with an eating disorder.
[08:39.920 -> 08:43.120] It kind of sounds from what you said like you were so concerned about what
[08:43.120 -> 08:46.340] the outside world thought of you.% like where did that come from?
[08:46.340 -> 08:52.600] So I used to dance and I think I've always danced my whole life and my mom put me in this like baby pink
[08:52.900 -> 08:55.740] Lycra Latin dress and I remember this picture being
[08:56.300 -> 09:02.880] Like shown of me and I was mortified and I how old were you probably 14, right?
[09:02.880 -> 09:03.220] Yeah
[09:03.220 -> 09:07.680] and I remember there was just being all the girls were just stick thin and they was like,
[09:07.680 -> 09:11.600] you're going to be a better dancer if you can throw yourself around, if you can be as light as possible.
[09:11.600 -> 09:14.080] And that stuck in my head, like massively.
[09:14.080 -> 09:18.640] And then I would look in the mirror every single day, like a 14, 15 year old and pinch my belly.
[09:18.640 -> 09:21.680] The first thing I would do is pinch my belly when I woke up in the morning.
[09:21.680 -> 09:24.400] And I feel like beauty standards were so big back then.
[09:24.400 -> 09:27.360] And it was even worse in like the dancing world in the performing
[09:27.360 -> 09:31.160] world and I was so worried about other people and what they thought when they
[09:31.160 -> 09:35.520] looked at me that it completely took over my life I mean I would wake up in
[09:35.520 -> 09:38.360] the morning at like 4 in the morning when I was working in the city so I got
[09:38.360 -> 09:42.720] my first job in the city when I was like 17 18 and I would get the night bus to
[09:42.720 -> 09:49.400] the gym at like 4 in the morning going through Bo which was so dangerous I wouldn't even do that now just so I could get to the gym
[09:49.400 -> 09:53.560] for a couple of hours in the morning and I could train and I was so worried about what
[09:53.560 -> 09:57.080] other people thought I was worried that people thought that I was overweight that people
[09:57.080 -> 10:01.240] thought I wasn't going to be the best dancer that it completely consumed me like all I
[10:01.240 -> 10:08.200] thought about was being skinny and obviously from that it become a self-hating sort of thing, I never really loved myself, I always
[10:08.200 -> 10:11.920] judged other people based on what they looked at because I thought people was
[10:11.920 -> 10:15.960] judging me. I've become quite a horrible person I think, I mean I remember
[10:15.960 -> 10:19.320] looking at people and thinking, you don't look great or the first thing I'd
[10:19.320 -> 10:22.400] do when I walked in the room is judge someone on what they look like rather
[10:22.400 -> 10:27.960] than how they held themself or how they spoke to me. Or even the things that they said,
[10:27.960 -> 10:33.000] which is the most important thing. Yeah, rather than learn from people, I'm
[10:33.000 -> 10:36.720] surrounded by so many different people these days and the first thing I think
[10:36.720 -> 10:40.600] about isn't the hair or how much weight they've got on them and being a
[10:40.600 -> 10:44.320] big part of my job, I mean I make people look better right, but also make people
[10:44.320 -> 10:45.280] feel better, but I make people look better, right? But I also make people feel better.
[10:45.280 -> 10:46.120] But I make people look better.
[10:46.120 -> 10:48.360] But I never once look at someone and think,
[10:48.360 -> 10:49.680] God, what are they wearing?
[10:49.680 -> 10:51.080] Or why do they look like that?
[10:51.080 -> 10:52.740] Whereas that was all I used to think
[10:52.740 -> 10:53.640] when I looked at someone.
[10:53.640 -> 10:56.440] And I didn't really understand the true value of a person.
[10:56.440 -> 10:57.960] And that goes back to what I said earlier
[10:57.960 -> 11:00.180] about being authentic to who you are.
[11:01.120 -> 11:02.880] Being authentic to who you are is not sitting there
[11:02.880 -> 11:04.680] and judging someone for what they look like.
[11:04.680 -> 11:08.960] But I was so absorbed by that because that's what I thought people thought of me.
[11:08.960 -> 11:14.400] So can I ask you, you described that pink dress you were wearing and that was a trigger for you of
[11:14.400 -> 11:17.680] being concerned about your size and your shape.
[11:17.680 -> 11:21.200] Was anything said to you at that time as well that reinforced it?
[11:21.200 -> 11:26.000] I think you get like the girls and they're quite catty and
[11:24.600 -> 11:28.080] they don't have to directly say it to you
[11:26.000 -> 11:29.440] you can tell by someone's attitude what
[11:28.080 -> 11:32.160] they're thinking it might have just been
[11:29.440 -> 11:35.200] me being really insecure but I think when
[11:32.160 -> 11:37.280] I was in school I literally once got
[11:35.200 -> 11:39.760] called Mr. Tubby you know that he was
[11:37.280 -> 11:41.960] pink weren't he? Yeah Mr. Blobby. Mr. Blobby
[11:39.760 -> 11:43.400] you know the pink one and I just
[11:41.960 -> 11:45.280] remember being called that in primary
[11:43.400 -> 11:47.540] school and it stuck with me for ages I I was not bullied, don't get me wrong, I was
[11:47.540 -> 11:51.220] never bullied in school, I was always completely different to anyone else but
[11:51.220 -> 11:55.740] that was just by my attitude and I chose to not really have that many friends in
[11:55.740 -> 11:59.440] school because I was always on the go, I was different to anyone else, I used to
[11:59.440 -> 12:03.580] do my homework in my breaks and stuff, it wasn't by what I looked like, I was
[12:03.580 -> 12:08.200] never bullied by what I looked like which I was never bullied by what I looked like, which I think a lot of people are, and that takes it by that. But I think
[12:08.200 -> 12:12.680] it was just me being worried about what other people thought of me all the time. So it wasn't
[12:12.680 -> 12:17.000] directly people saying things about me. It was just a constant worry in my head.
[12:17.000 -> 12:19.080] Toby Rice So take us into your head then and give us
[12:19.080 -> 12:23.720] some examples of the conversations you were having with yourself from 17 onwards.
[12:23.720 -> 12:28.120] Jessica Lee I think it was more every time someone looked at me it wasn't because they was
[12:28.120 -> 12:31.200] looking at me because I was maybe dancing really well or because I look
[12:31.200 -> 12:34.960] good it was I was looking at me because I I looked awful or I looked overweight
[12:34.960 -> 12:39.800] or something was wrong with me and I was so paranoid about that. Now I'm I mean I
[12:39.800 -> 12:42.280] walk down the street now and if someone looks at me you you look back at me
[12:42.280 -> 12:45.540] smile right? But I would look back at them think what they're looking at or why are they
[12:45.540 -> 12:48.660] looking at me like that and I don't really know where that insecurity come
[12:48.660 -> 12:52.780] from because I've always been such a confident person but I used to I think I
[12:52.780 -> 12:56.200] used to mask that with saying that I was really confident I never got nervous and
[12:56.200 -> 12:59.860] stuff like that when I was a kid and I used to use that as like my fuel but
[12:59.860 -> 13:03.500] when I was dancing I was crippled with this like horrible feeling of like
[13:03.500 -> 13:09.320] self-loathing and hated everything about myself and I went I took that into school I took that into
[13:09.320 -> 13:14.360] relationships I took that into obviously getting older and having that eating disorder and being
[13:14.360 -> 13:21.840] that judgmental person. I remember when I started being a personal trainer I was still so worried
[13:21.840 -> 13:28.340] about what people thought of me and I still couldn't understand when people didn't feel that way. I used to judge pretty much all my clients. I made
[13:28.340 -> 13:32.500] one girl cry because she once come in and because she said to me that she
[13:32.500 -> 13:36.060] couldn't understand why she couldn't stop eating, she couldn't understand why she
[13:36.060 -> 13:40.140] couldn't say no to this extra bit of food on the weekend and I just went to
[13:40.140 -> 13:43.940] her, stop being so lazy. I couldn't understand why someone couldn't think
[13:43.940 -> 13:48.120] the way that I thought about food and I just remember I made a cry and that was such a turning point
[13:48.120 -> 13:52.040] in my career. I thought I never want anyone to feel like that. And I just thought, why
[13:52.040 -> 13:56.800] am I being so un-understanding? And I could never understand how people didn't think the
[13:56.800 -> 14:01.840] way that I thought. And it's quite an upsetting thing, but now I can look back and that made
[14:01.840 -> 14:05.340] me like the business person I am today and that made
[14:05.340 -> 14:08.880] me help so many people today because I've learnt from their mistakes.
[14:08.880 -> 14:13.060] And I think this will resonate with a lot of people who go through their lives thinking
[14:13.060 -> 14:19.040] those people are unkind or they're sniggering behind my back or you know everyone else is
[14:19.040 -> 14:24.360] out to get me. There's a really important realisation here that all of this is us projecting
[14:24.360 -> 14:26.800] actually how we feel about ourselves onto the rest of the world.
[14:26.800 -> 14:30.560] 100%! Nobody else walks down the road and looks and looks at you and thinks what
[14:30.560 -> 14:34.760] have she got on, what's she... that's you in your head. Only since I've stopped caring
[14:34.760 -> 14:39.000] so much about what I look like is when I'm so less judgmental.
[14:39.000 -> 14:43.280] Right, so how do we... because people listening to this would love to be where you are now
[14:43.280 -> 14:45.960] but they are where you were then.
[14:45.960 -> 14:47.800] It was such a turning point for me in my life.
[14:47.800 -> 14:49.400] I think it's baby steps.
[14:49.400 -> 14:50.880] I don't think it's going to happen overnight.
[14:50.880 -> 14:52.160] It's the same with an eating disorder.
[14:52.160 -> 14:54.680] You're not going to recover from an eating disorder overnight.
[14:54.680 -> 14:58.000] And there is always going to be parts of your life when you're going to be triggered by
[14:58.000 -> 14:59.000] that.
[14:59.000 -> 15:00.000] I don't feel like this every day.
[15:00.000 -> 15:01.000] Don't get me wrong.
[15:01.000 -> 15:02.000] Ever.
[15:02.000 -> 15:08.000] I wake up some days and I still pinch myself and I still look at myself and I think you're not good enough. I doubted myself yesterday. I doubted myself this morning
[15:08.000 -> 15:12.440] before I come on here. You snap out of it. How would you snap out of it? You've got to
[15:12.440 -> 15:16.320] remember. I used to do silly things like get post-it notes and stick them on my mirrors
[15:16.320 -> 15:21.080] and write down all the things I liked about myself rather than being so critical of all
[15:21.080 -> 15:24.400] the things I didn't like about myself. See why is that silly? I know that's what I'm
[15:24.400 -> 15:26.700] saying, but we all laugh at things like that, don't we?
[15:26.700 -> 15:29.200] In our heads we laugh and we think, God, what are we doing that for?
[15:29.200 -> 15:30.200] Do we?
[15:30.200 -> 15:31.200] It's all self-development.
[15:31.200 -> 15:32.200] But we're not laughing though, are we?
[15:32.200 -> 15:33.200] No, exactly.
[15:33.200 -> 15:34.200] It sounds to me like a really nice...
[15:34.200 -> 15:38.120] It's a great idea, but when I first started doing that I thought, God, what am I doing?
[15:38.120 -> 15:39.480] Why am I doing that?
[15:39.480 -> 15:45.800] Because we've been embedded for so many years, we've been told for so many years self-development
[15:45.800 -> 15:50.080] is silly. What I was anyway I was told that maybe it was growing up in the East
[15:50.080 -> 15:54.600] End have a hard shell have a hard exterior don't let anyone see that
[15:54.600 -> 16:00.680] you're feeling down or feeling upset but I mean I've got a therapist helped
[16:00.680 -> 16:04.760] massively helped me with my business massively. I started having panic attacks and I
[16:04.760 -> 16:05.520] thought I always used to look at people who have therapists and laugh at that. helped massively, helped me with my business massively. So I can have panic attacks and I thought,
[16:05.520 -> 16:07.400] I always used to look at people who are therapists
[16:07.400 -> 16:08.680] and laugh at that.
[16:08.680 -> 16:09.520] Why would I laugh at that?
[16:09.520 -> 16:11.000] Because, like, why would you find that funny?
[16:11.000 -> 16:13.480] Yeah, again, I think it's just from my upbringing.
[16:13.480 -> 16:16.160] Like, nobody ever had a therapist.
[16:16.160 -> 16:17.000] Sure.
[16:17.000 -> 16:19.060] Nobody ever spoke about things like that.
[16:19.060 -> 16:21.560] If I told my mum, for example,
[16:21.560 -> 16:24.520] that I was like chewing and spitting out my food
[16:24.520 -> 16:25.280] and if I told my mum that I was thinking that people spitting out my food and if I told my
[16:25.280 -> 16:28.440] mum that I was thinking that people was thinking about this, she probably wouldn't
[16:28.440 -> 16:32.320] have even understood me. She probably would have just said, why are you doing that? She wouldn't have said to me,
[16:32.320 -> 16:36.520] okay Courtney, let's get you a therapist. One, we couldn't afford that and two, like
[16:36.520 -> 16:40.720] it's just something that wasn't done. Toby Van Dammen So did you tell anyone when you were in the
[16:40.720 -> 16:49.640] absolute depths of despair of your eating disorder? Courtney, I mean I was really really skinny and even then like I got people coming up to me in the gym
[16:49.640 -> 16:53.040] and saying are you okay like do you need some help but none of my family ever
[16:53.040 -> 16:57.040] noticed it. They used to say to me when I used to go to the family parties and
[16:57.040 -> 16:59.800] they didn't know that I was taking food in the toilet chewing it out spitting it out
[16:59.800 -> 17:04.200] and in the absolute depth of it they just thought I was being miserable they
[17:04.200 -> 17:07.560] thought I was being moody they said to me why is Courtney not interacting, why
[17:07.560 -> 17:11.320] is Courtney like picking at her food and that's the worst thing you can say to
[17:11.320 -> 17:15.120] someone when they're in the depth of an eating disorder is why are you doing that? I don't know.
[17:15.120 -> 17:20.720] So tell us then, so because we're fathers of young daughters as well, so there's a
[17:20.720 -> 17:25.080] part of me as I'm hearing this, like it's sending shivers down my spine.
[17:25.080 -> 17:30.960] So tell us what can we do, like not with our own children necessarily but if
[17:30.960 -> 17:35.760] somebody is like that and it's easy to label them as miserable or disconnected
[17:35.760 -> 17:40.680] or moody, what can we, like what kind of questions should we be asking that help
[17:40.680 -> 17:45.400] people? I would personally say that you've got to tread on thin waters.
[17:45.400 -> 17:49.000] Like, it's such a hard topic to discuss and
[17:49.000 -> 17:52.000] I was so defensive. So if my mum, for example,
[17:52.000 -> 17:55.800] I had to wait until the point that I knew I was ready to tell my mum,
[17:55.800 -> 17:59.200] because it's an embarrassing thing to tell your mum that you're doing certain things,
[17:59.200 -> 18:02.400] it's pretty embarrassing and you're also quite scared that she's going to tell you off.
[18:02.400 -> 18:05.000] It's asking the questions that nobody else asks. How are you feeling? Like, why do you think that you're also quite scared that she's going to tell you off. It's asking the questions that nobody else asks.
[18:05.000 -> 18:07.000] How are you feeling?
[18:07.000 -> 18:09.000] Why do you think that you're not eating this?
[18:09.000 -> 18:13.000] Do you understand the consequences it's going to have on your body?
[18:13.000 -> 18:16.000] I only truly stopped doing it when I googled myself.
[18:16.000 -> 18:18.000] What are the consequences of me doing this?
[18:18.000 -> 18:19.000] What are the health...
[18:19.000 -> 18:21.000] Am I really benefiting my health?
[18:21.000 -> 18:23.000] Or am I disrupting my health?
[18:23.000 -> 18:27.200] I found out that I was making my tooth decay. I was causing stomach ulcers, that's the only thing that
[18:27.200 -> 18:31.200] stopped me, not because I thought like I was in a bad headspace, because that bad
[18:31.200 -> 18:35.840] headspace was something like I quite enjoyed being segregated myself.
[18:35.840 -> 18:41.000] Did you? Yeah, like because when you're so emotionally attached to food, that time
[18:41.000 -> 18:43.960] when you're sitting in the bathroom and you're spitting food out, is the time
[18:43.960 -> 18:47.360] when you're on your own, is the time when you're sitting in the bathroom and you're spitting food out is the time when you're on your own, it's a time when you're getting that little bit
[18:47.360 -> 18:50.760] of relief and it's making you feel better because you don't want to eat
[18:50.760 -> 18:53.920] food in front of people. Well you're not lonely, like deeply lonely at this point.
[18:53.920 -> 18:59.320] 100% 100%. I can't relate back to it now, I can literally can't go back to it now
[18:59.320 -> 19:04.040] because if I even have a thought like this I'm so disturbed by it and whenever
[19:04.040 -> 19:08.720] someone comes to me through Instagram or they email me all I want to do is help them
[19:08.720 -> 19:12.760] and all I want to do is tell them like that is that's not a good time to be in
[19:12.760 -> 19:16.840] that's not the best time but for me I couldn't wait to get away I used to go on
[19:16.840 -> 19:20.840] dates for example couldn't wait to get out there because I couldn't wait to get
[19:20.840 -> 19:26.120] home and be on my own and chew and spit my food out and stuff like
[19:26.120 -> 19:29.360] that. Could not wait. I've just been on a date with someone. I've been sitting there
[19:29.360 -> 19:31.800] having a conversation, but in the back of my mind I'm thinking, can't wait to get home,
[19:31.800 -> 19:32.800] can't wait to go home.
[19:32.800 -> 19:33.800] It took over your life completely.
[19:33.800 -> 19:34.800] Completely.
[19:34.800 -> 19:39.880] So, I still want to really drill down into how you begin to emerge from this, particularly
[19:39.880 -> 19:43.200] for those that are listening to this and they're still in the depths of it and they are crying
[19:43.200 -> 19:45.600] out for you to say something that they can latch on to and
[19:45.600 -> 19:50.240] go right I'm gonna do that I'm gonna make that call or I'm gonna think in a
[19:50.240 -> 19:53.960] certain way. It's hard because you have to truly want to yeah and I think for a
[19:53.960 -> 19:58.360] long period of my time I didn't want to come out of that and it was I think I
[19:58.360 -> 20:02.720] just wanted to be happy again I wanted to stop losing relationships I wanted to
[20:02.720 -> 20:06.200] stop losing friendships I was losing friendships I stop losing relationships. I wanted to stop losing friendships. I was losing friendships, I was losing relationships,
[20:06.200 -> 20:07.400] I was losing jobs.
[20:07.400 -> 20:09.980] I had no personality, I was losing myself.
[20:09.980 -> 20:11.720] And I think you will feel that.
[20:11.720 -> 20:13.600] You will feel that you're losing yourself.
[20:13.600 -> 20:16.000] You're being snappy at people, you're losing your period.
[20:16.000 -> 20:18.080] So you're not feeling 100%.
[20:18.080 -> 20:21.040] You're just not being the person that you should be.
[20:21.040 -> 20:23.960] It's the same as if someone's a really bad drug addict.
[20:23.960 -> 20:28.040] Unless they wanna come out of that, however much rehab they have and however much people
[20:28.040 -> 20:32.600] tell them like, oh do this, oh do this, oh just stop drinking. It's not as easy as
[20:32.600 -> 20:36.520] that. You have to mentally want to be there. You have to mentally want to make
[20:36.520 -> 20:39.680] that change and then you can start thinking of ways that are gonna truly
[20:39.680 -> 20:43.920] help you. It might be as easy as taking a mirror out of your living room,
[20:43.920 -> 20:45.200] distancing yourself
[20:45.200 -> 20:50.400] from people that you might find triggering, unfollowing people on social media, stop watching
[20:50.400 -> 20:53.760] things that you're finding triggering. I used to watch a lot of model programs, I used to
[20:53.760 -> 20:57.640] watch a lot of catwalk shows and stuff like that where people are really skinny, I used
[20:57.640 -> 21:02.800] to watch a lot of people's food diaries and how these celebrities get slim and I used
[21:02.800 -> 21:06.200] to read a lot of magazines that would pick people apart for what they look like.
[21:06.200 -> 21:08.400] Remove these triggers from your life,
[21:08.400 -> 21:10.200] and then you're less likely to be triggered, right?
[21:10.200 -> 21:11.800] So, just to pick up on that,
[21:11.800 -> 21:14.200] you were then inviting into your life then
[21:14.200 -> 21:18.800] all of the things that were making you think in the way you did.
[21:18.800 -> 21:21.400] So when you were looking at people with these toxic thoughts
[21:21.400 -> 21:24.800] about how they looked and how they felt about you,
[21:24.800 -> 21:25.120] you were absorbing that through all kinds of types of media. with these toxic thoughts about how they looked and how they felt about you, you
[21:25.120 -> 21:30.000] were absorbing that through all kinds of types of media. Exactly, you couldn't get
[21:30.000 -> 21:36.080] away from it. I mean I was a, I was born in 96, so at that time it was the best
[21:36.080 -> 21:40.600] Beach Bodies, the best magazines, I used to run on the treadmill to the Victoria
[21:40.600 -> 21:45.560] Secret catalog for hours. And you've told that story where you
[21:45.560 -> 21:49.320] actually did two hours and collapsed while you were watching it. On the cruise, yeah.
[21:49.320 -> 21:53.880] I was known as the girl that used to run, I had a treadmill in my bedroom for example, I was
[21:53.880 -> 21:57.520] known as the girl who used to run to the Victoria's Secret catwalk. That was
[21:57.520 -> 22:01.840] my motivation. Why is my motivation not thinking, okay I want to
[22:01.840 -> 22:07.960] be able to run 10-15k because it's an accomplishment, which it is now. Mine was, I want to be able to run for two hours because I want to burn
[22:07.960 -> 22:09.260] off all the food that I've ate that day.
[22:09.260 -> 22:11.120] Toby Vayne So really what we're saying here is everything
[22:11.120 -> 22:15.560] that you did was about negativity, not about positivity.
[22:15.560 -> 22:18.840] Lucy Walker 100%. 100%. Everything was, I hated my body,
[22:18.840 -> 22:22.400] so I wanted to exercise. I didn't like the way that I looked, so I wanted to exercise.
[22:22.400 -> 22:27.520] I didn't feel like food was doing anything for me except for making me fat, so I didn't
[22:27.520 -> 22:28.520] want to eat food.
[22:28.520 -> 22:30.360] Toby Van Dammen So psychologists call this, you can either
[22:30.360 -> 22:33.720] move towards something or you can move away from it.
[22:33.720 -> 22:37.880] We've established that what you didn't want, what you were often moving away from, of being
[22:37.880 -> 22:42.120] perceived as being fat or unattractive, what was your trigger to identify what you wanted
[22:42.120 -> 22:46.400] to move towards instead, like a more healthy version of you?
[22:46.400 -> 22:51.600] Like what happened that allowed you to set a new sense of direction?
[22:51.600 -> 22:58.400] I just wanted to feel good. I didn't want to feel unhappy anymore. I didn't want to feel miserable anymore.
[22:58.400 -> 23:05.720] But was that one single moment where you realized, I'm actually really unhappy or was it a
[23:03.480 -> 23:07.560] cumulative process? I think it was a cumulative to
[23:05.720 -> 23:10.120] be honest with you. It was just before
[23:07.560 -> 23:12.640] lockdown when it was like that sort of
[23:10.120 -> 23:14.760] hit but it was over the over probably a
[23:12.640 -> 23:16.840] year of being in unhappy
[23:14.760 -> 23:19.440] relationships where I was with people
[23:16.840 -> 23:21.080] who didn't even show me any affection. They
[23:19.440 -> 23:23.000] didn't like me for who I was. I was
[23:21.080 -> 23:24.560] really like letting people get away
[23:23.000 -> 23:26.240] with murder, letting people treat me like
[23:24.560 -> 23:26.840] I shouldn't have been treated. I was letting friends walk all over me who I was. I was really like letting people get away with murder, letting people treat me like I shouldn't have been treated, I was letting friends
[23:26.840 -> 23:31.200] walk all over me, I was going out a lot and I was going like heavily raving, I
[23:31.200 -> 23:35.480] was just doing things that didn't even like give me any sort of happiness at
[23:35.480 -> 23:40.220] all. I remember I was I was filled to the nines with fillers, I had lip fillers,
[23:40.220 -> 23:44.400] cheek fillers, jaw fillers because I was again trying to be the perfect person,
[23:44.400 -> 23:48.320] trying to be something that I wasn't. I was walking out the door and I was so concerned
[23:48.320 -> 23:51.680] that because I've always had quite a big following that people would look at me and think, God,
[23:51.680 -> 23:55.840] that's not who we follow. People didn't believe in who I was and I didn't believe in who I
[23:55.840 -> 24:00.360] was. You were so twisted up. Yeah, I was so sick and tired of it. Like how can that be
[24:00.360 -> 24:09.120] a happy, a happy young girl? I mean, I was 21 at the time. And you were having fillers and things like that at 21? Compelling, but again this comes with
[24:09.120 -> 24:13.740] social media, everyone was offering me it for free. So I mean I was 21, I didn't like
[24:13.740 -> 24:17.600] the way that I looked, I was trying to look like someone that I wasn't. I mean and
[24:17.600 -> 24:20.360] people don't believe me when I say I literally looked in the mirror one day
[24:20.360 -> 24:23.680] and I thought that needs to go. That is literally what happened to me. Go on,
[24:23.680 -> 24:27.240] what do you mean by that? Take us into that day, you woke up in the morning.
[24:27.240 -> 24:31.280] I was in the gym, training my clients, I think I was 22 at this time and this was
[24:31.280 -> 24:38.000] in December and we went into lockdown in March, yeah, so it was quick. I went to
[24:38.000 -> 24:40.680] the gym and I was training my client and I looked in the mirror, obviously I knew
[24:40.680 -> 24:44.760] that people used to sort of mock me and say things to me, I mean I've got a
[24:44.760 -> 24:45.600] social media following, I used to get the messages say things to me. I mean, I've got a social media following.
[24:45.600 -> 24:46.960] I used to get the messages.
[24:46.960 -> 24:48.080] What sort of stuff?
[24:48.080 -> 24:50.000] Oh, what's going on with her face?
[24:50.000 -> 24:51.200] Why have you got all that in your face?
[24:51.760 -> 24:52.560] You need to stop.
[24:52.560 -> 24:53.520] You look like an alien.
[24:53.520 -> 24:57.440] And when you read them previous to this, how did you feel then?
[24:57.440 -> 24:58.480] I never took it in.
[24:58.480 -> 25:00.800] I liked doing these things to myself.
[25:00.800 -> 25:03.040] But obviously they do keep in your mind, right?
[25:03.040 -> 25:04.160] They do keep going.
[25:04.160 -> 25:10.040] And I just remember being in work this day and I looked nothing like myself. But obviously they do keep in your mind right? They do keep going. And I just remember being in work this day and I looked nothing like myself. I remember what I used
[25:10.040 -> 25:13.600] to look like, my lips were like this, and every single time I walked around that gym
[25:13.600 -> 25:16.880] I thought that someone was looking at me. And that's when I knew that this had to change
[25:16.880 -> 25:20.880] because how draining that every single time you walk around a gym when you're working
[25:20.880 -> 25:29.080] with your friends, you thought that someone was looking at your face. Like they probably even wasn't but I remember I said to Jay in who owned
[25:29.080 -> 25:32.440] the gym I said this needs to go and he went what do you mean I went tomorrow
[25:32.440 -> 25:37.040] this is being done and I went if I if I if I feel differently I'll just get it
[25:37.040 -> 25:41.520] done again but right now I'm so unhappy and I don't feel like myself and this
[25:41.520 -> 25:49.200] needs to go and then I woke up the next the next day I followed through with it I got it all dissolved and I... Sorry, explain this
[25:49.200 -> 25:52.000] for someone who doesn't understand so what was it that needed to go?
[25:52.000 -> 25:57.600] Fillers! My face was completely dismolved. Right so how do you get rid of them then?
[25:57.600 -> 26:00.200] Is it not? You have to have it dissolved, you have to have injections put in your face.
[26:00.200 -> 26:06.200] It's crazy yeah. Right. My face was, I did not look anything like myself. Like I was
[26:06.200 -> 26:09.720] a completely different person. And again, that comes with the mask. Like I'm worried
[26:09.720 -> 26:11.200] that people were looking at me thinking I'm not different.
[26:11.200 -> 26:14.560] That's exactly what it all was. It was just a mask you were wearing, wasn't it?
[26:14.560 -> 26:21.640] And when that went, people do not believe me, I instantly was happier. I instantly walked
[26:21.640 -> 26:26.680] out the door. Of course, I still didn't think I looked I looked amazing whatever because I was still quite self-conscious
[26:27.080 -> 26:30.400] But I walked in that gym a couple days later when it was all sorted
[26:30.680 -> 26:35.440] And I didn't think that anyone was staring at me because that anymore. They was like, I just felt normal
[26:35.440 -> 26:39.800] I just felt like a normal person something had changed then while you were doing all these things you'd always done
[26:39.800 -> 26:41.520] Why do you aware in this mask?
[26:41.520 -> 26:45.680] Something underneath the change you've got to a point somehow... Just had enough.
[26:45.680 -> 26:46.480] Just had enough.
[26:46.480 -> 26:50.800] Just had enough, I think it was, I just had enough. I just wanted to be happy, I wanted to be,
[26:50.800 -> 26:55.680] I've always been such a confident and bubbly girl and I was not confident or bubbly anymore. I was
[26:55.680 -> 27:00.960] miserable, I was moody, I was judgmental and I just remembered who I was when I used to be.
[27:00.960 -> 27:08.320] And I think my mum used to say to me, why are you so like aggy? Why are you so moody? Because I wasn't, I wasn't who I was anymore. I was
[27:08.320 -> 27:12.840] losing myself bit by bit. I was going out with idiots. I was surrounding myself
[27:12.840 -> 27:16.960] with idiots and everyone was a bit shocked when I unfollowed loads of people
[27:16.960 -> 27:20.960] that I was going out with, like that I was mingling with on social media and
[27:20.960 -> 27:25.080] just before Dr. Dunlea was like to me, why have you unfollowed us? And I said, because I don't want to follow you anymore.
[27:25.080 -> 27:27.240] And what were they bringing to your life
[27:27.240 -> 27:28.800] that you no longer wanted in your life?
[27:28.800 -> 27:30.360] They was posting angry stories,
[27:30.360 -> 27:31.940] they was angry at everyone.
[27:31.940 -> 27:34.120] There was always like screenshotting things,
[27:34.120 -> 27:35.360] like taking the piss out of people,
[27:35.360 -> 27:38.400] like being judgmental, like there was always going out
[27:38.400 -> 27:40.820] and like, I've never been a party girl.
[27:40.820 -> 27:42.800] They're going out there videoing each other,
[27:42.800 -> 27:48.920] like just being reckless, like causing havoc. I thought thought this isn't me, like what am I doing? And I
[27:48.920 -> 27:53.720] was so angry that I'd fell into this this person and I thought this need this
[27:53.720 -> 27:57.920] needs to stop. So that decision you made to stop and following them, did they turn
[27:57.920 -> 28:02.760] on you and start applying some of that anger towards you? 100% they all think I'm
[28:02.760 -> 28:07.000] prestigious. Like I've moved moved to Southwest London now,
[28:07.000 -> 28:09.000] I've got bigger following, blah blah blah.
[28:09.000 -> 28:10.000] No, I'm just happy.
[28:10.000 -> 28:13.000] That's because they're still in the world that you were in before, right?
[28:13.000 -> 28:15.000] Which is dominated by opinion.
[28:15.000 -> 28:20.000] And we talk often on this podcast about opinion is totally valueless, right?
[28:20.000 -> 28:22.000] It's all about empathy.
[28:22.000 -> 28:26.620] But you had been sort of dragged into this world where opinion was above everything else
[28:26.620 -> 28:29.020] So your opinion of other people was all that mattered
[28:29.100 -> 28:35.520] Their opinion of you was all the thought about all the all the people in your life did on social media was share their opinions
[28:35.660 -> 28:42.560] There was no room for empathy. No one ever. I imagine ever said to you in that period. How are you really feeling?
[28:42.560 -> 28:48.440] I see you look amazing on your Instagram, but what's the truth about how you're feeling? And I think this is a really powerful conversation
[28:48.440 -> 28:52.020] because all of our children and all the young people that listen to this podcast are growing
[28:52.020 -> 28:57.980] up in a world where they are taught, you've got to have an opinion, you've got to be aggressive.
[28:57.980 -> 29:01.560] And the worst thing is, at the opinion is that everyone else is doing fine and we're
[29:01.560 -> 29:05.840] doing shit. That's not what's going on. We're all struggling.
[29:05.840 -> 29:10.260] We're all flawed. We all have self doubts, but we're all desperate to show the world
[29:10.260 -> 29:13.880] that we look great and we look amazing. And that's what you did. Yeah, a hundred percent.
[29:13.880 -> 29:18.800] Killed you. Killed me. Honestly killed me. And my therapist told me one vital lesson
[29:18.800 -> 29:23.320] is what you're thinking is not what someone else is thinking. Your emotions are your own
[29:23.320 -> 29:25.420] and someone else's emotions are their own.
[29:25.420 -> 29:26.960] When someone says something to you,
[29:26.960 -> 29:28.560] and you don't like what they're saying,
[29:28.560 -> 29:30.480] don't always take it on face value,
[29:30.480 -> 29:32.820] because you don't understand what's going through their head.
[29:32.820 -> 29:34.240] They could say something to you,
[29:34.240 -> 29:36.040] and you've took it in a completely different way
[29:36.040 -> 29:39.100] to how they meant it, but that's their own emotions.
[29:39.100 -> 29:40.760] Have you ever read that book of
[29:40.760 -> 29:42.360] How to Win Friends and Influence People?
[29:42.360 -> 29:43.920] Yeah, that was kind of easy, yeah.
[29:43.920 -> 29:45.320] Such an amazing book, and it's like,
[29:45.320 -> 29:49.480] it's talking about how people are gonna perceive you, how you perceive other
[29:49.480 -> 29:53.480] people and taking things just for face value and just for how they are. People
[29:53.480 -> 29:56.040] don't always mean what they're saying, they're not always trying to be horrible.
[29:56.040 -> 29:58.600] Them big kids when they said Mr. Blobby, they didn't know that was gonna stick
[29:58.600 -> 30:02.200] with me. These people, when I, my mum didn't know that when she used to say to
[30:02.200 -> 30:06.080] me, oh you need to get into this dress, that I was going to take it in a certain way.
[30:06.080 -> 30:08.760] I mean, for example, yesterday, my mate went to me,
[30:08.760 -> 30:09.920] don't wear white on camera
[30:09.920 -> 30:11.760] because it's going to make you look big.
[30:11.760 -> 30:12.720] She didn't know that I'd need,
[30:12.720 -> 30:14.360] like that was going to trigger my eating disorder,
[30:14.360 -> 30:15.440] more anyway.
[30:15.440 -> 30:17.720] So it's been brilliant to hear all the things
[30:17.720 -> 30:19.000] that you took out of your life,
[30:19.000 -> 30:21.400] from friends to face filler, right?
[30:21.400 -> 30:22.520] Apart from the therapist,
[30:22.520 -> 30:24.520] what are the things that you brought into your life
[30:24.520 -> 30:26.880] that were really good for you?
[30:26.880 -> 30:31.040] Actually taking time for myself and saying no to things that I didn't want to do. I used
[30:31.040 -> 30:36.000] to be so worried about if people would say if I ended up not wanting to go to a party,
[30:36.000 -> 30:38.880] ended up not wanting to go out for dinner with someone. Sometimes the best thing you
[30:38.880 -> 30:43.680] can do is actually just give yourself some time. For example, if I say to someone that
[30:43.680 -> 30:47.380] I'm going to go for dinner with them on Friday, but then I decide that I don't want to go for dinner with them on
[30:47.380 -> 30:50.860] Friday because it's going to be a lot better for me to, I don't know, sit indoors, have
[30:50.860 -> 30:56.460] a bath, go for a walk, listen to a podcast, then I'm going to do that, rather than trying
[30:56.460 -> 31:01.040] to please everyone. Be such a people pleaser all the time. And I think adding things into
[31:01.040 -> 31:05.040] my life that really, truly mean value to me, spending more time
[31:05.040 -> 31:09.120] with my family rather than spending time with people that I'm just trying to impress all
[31:09.120 -> 31:10.120] the time.
[31:10.120 -> 31:13.560] I think little things can really truly improve your life.
[31:13.560 -> 31:19.560] Getting fresh air, prioritizing getting fresh air, prioritizing spending a bit of time just
[31:19.560 -> 31:23.440] going out for a coffee and maybe speaking to someone new, going out for a coffee and
[31:23.440 -> 31:28.120] not taking your phone with you and smiling at someone rather than when someone looks at you looking away
[31:28.120 -> 31:31.560] because you're worried, oh what are they trying to, are they trying to flirt with me? Are
[31:31.560 -> 31:36.920] they judging me? Just meet new people, be around new circumstances. You never know where
[31:36.920 -> 31:37.960] life's going to take you.
[31:37.960 -> 31:41.440] Toby Vayne Well it sounds like listening to you that
[31:41.440 -> 32:07.040] stop doing things allowed you space to actually start asking yourself some pretty significant i'ch gwrando i chi, mae'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o' byw yn byw bywyd o'r gofalau o'r bobl eraill o'r hyn y byddai'n ei wneud a'r swyddau y byddai'n eu gwneud.
[32:07.040 -> 32:10.240] Roedd yn rhan o'n gynllun o'r enw Ikigai,
[32:10.240 -> 32:12.240] dwi ddim yn gwybod os ydych chi'n ymwybodol o hynny.
[32:12.240 -> 32:14.240] Mae'n teimlo'n ddwylo,
[32:14.240 -> 32:17.240] yw'n ymwneud â chael sylwad o ddewis ar gyfer eich bywyd.
[32:17.240 -> 32:21.240] Ac mae wedi cael ymchwil o'r dynol Dan Boonard,
[32:21.240 -> 32:23.240] a dewis y llyfr yw The Blue Zones,
[32:23.240 -> 32:26.400] lle bydd pobl yn byw'n fwy, yn iechyd, yn fwy hapus.
[32:26.400 -> 32:27.520] Ac un o'r ffactorau o hynny
[32:27.520 -> 32:29.000] yw eu bod yn cael y dealltwriaeth o ikigai,
[32:29.000 -> 32:30.640] y dealltwriaeth o'r rhan fwyaf,
[32:30.640 -> 32:33.600] sydd yn ofalus yn ystod cwmniadau,
[32:33.600 -> 32:35.320] beth dwi'n hoffi'n ei wneud,
[32:35.320 -> 32:36.360] beth o'r gwahaniaeth y gallaf ei wneud
[32:36.360 -> 32:37.840] i'r rhan fwyaf o'r byd,
[32:37.840 -> 32:39.080] beth y gall fynd â'r arian
[32:39.080 -> 32:41.160] a beth y gwnawn i'n dda iawn.
[32:41.160 -> 32:42.000] Felly dwi'n ddiddorol...
[32:42.000 -> 32:42.640] Dwi'n credu bod y rhai o'r rhai yn mynd
[32:42.640 -> 32:43.800] yn ddiweddarach, i gyd, i chi.
[32:43.800 -> 32:47.000] Ie, ond, wrth fy nghyfio i chi, rwy with you. Yeah, but listening to you, I think that, like you say,
[32:47.000 -> 32:50.000] stop going out on a Friday night with people that you don't give a shit about
[32:50.000 -> 32:55.000] and actually have a bath, go for a walk, do things that are good for you.
[32:55.000 -> 32:57.000] Opened up the space for you to start answering...
[32:57.000 -> 32:58.000] Exactly.
[32:58.000 -> 32:59.000] ...those questions.
[32:59.000 -> 33:00.000] Exactly.
[33:00.000 -> 33:04.000] So I'm interested about how you would apply those questions
[33:04.000 -> 33:05.600] to what happened next in your career.
[33:05.600 -> 33:10.080] Good question. I don't think you're ever gonna be truly successful at something if you don't love it
[33:10.080 -> 33:15.560] And if you're not being genuine with it, so I always ask myself that question before I go into any job
[33:15.560 -> 33:19.040] Am I doing this for money? Am I doing this because I actually want to do it?
[33:19.040 -> 33:22.120] Is it gonna stress me out? Do I feel like it's gonna serve me a purpose?
[33:22.120 -> 33:29.940] I mean again, I was doing jobs when I was unhappy simply because they was paying the bills. Nothing good was
[33:29.940 -> 33:32.980] coming from this. I didn't feel good when I was doing it, I didn't feel good when I
[33:32.980 -> 33:37.160] was posting it, I didn't feel good during it and I just felt like I wasn't being
[33:37.160 -> 33:40.440] myself at all. Whereas now obviously everyone wants to earn money right? I'm
[33:40.440 -> 33:43.920] not gonna stand there and say just do things that you love because we all love
[33:43.920 -> 33:47.140] not doing much, we all love seeing our family but
[33:47.140 -> 33:51.100] unfortunately we've got around a living but I think there's a fine line between
[33:51.100 -> 33:54.300] doing things because you feel like you have to and again doing things because
[33:54.300 -> 33:57.020] you actually want to because you actually care about the cause and I
[33:57.020 -> 34:02.380] think it's just tapping into that and it's hard to it's it's hard to explain
[34:02.380 -> 34:05.640] someone but it's happening to something that you truly love and giving it a hundred percent because it's hard it's hard to explain to someone, but it's tapping into something that you truly love
[34:05.640 -> 34:08.920] and giving it 100% because it's hard to do, isn't it?
[34:08.920 -> 34:13.160] Well, what's interesting here is that you'd built a brand. The Courtney Black brand was
[34:13.160 -> 34:18.240] built entirely on, not necessarily a lie, but it was built on a kind of a falsehood
[34:18.240 -> 34:21.520] really based around all this toxicity. So it was built on...
[34:21.520 -> 34:24.640] Oh, but it wasn't staying like that.
[34:24.640 -> 34:25.000] Exactly. It was the thing. but it wasn't staying like that.
[34:25.000 -> 34:26.000] Exactly.
[34:26.000 -> 34:27.000] Because it couldn't.
[34:27.000 -> 34:29.000] Because once you changed, this had to change.
[34:29.000 -> 34:30.000] No, no, no.
[34:30.000 -> 34:31.000] It wasn't staying like that.
[34:31.000 -> 34:32.000] I grew, I grew, I grew.
[34:32.000 -> 34:35.000] I built a really successful business at a young age.
[34:35.000 -> 34:37.000] I mean, it's nowhere near where my business is now.
[34:37.000 -> 34:39.000] But I mean, I remember I was writing these e-books,
[34:39.000 -> 34:44.000] and I earned a really good living when I was obviously really unhappy.
[34:44.000 -> 34:48.480] I was training people. I was doing 14 hour days in this studio.
[34:48.480 -> 34:51.440] I was successful, like I was doing really well.
[34:51.440 -> 34:53.520] And then it went like this.
[34:53.520 -> 34:55.880] People didn't care about me anymore on social media.
[34:55.880 -> 35:00.320] I was losing clients because I was being so miserable and I wasn't understanding people
[35:00.320 -> 35:03.880] and I wasn't truly tapping into people's, like they didn't want to be around me.
[35:03.880 -> 35:09.560] How hard was that for you? Because I imagine you based a lot of your self-worth on the
[35:09.560 -> 35:10.880] love you got on social media.
[35:10.880 -> 35:14.080] 100%. All I cared about was money as well though. All I cared about was what I looked
[35:14.080 -> 35:18.200] like and all I cared about was money. And all I thought was, how can I do this? I was
[35:18.200 -> 35:23.400] this close to quitting being a trainer, this close. And the last thing that I'd done was
[35:23.400 -> 35:25.120] I started writing them e-books
[35:25.120 -> 35:28.400] and then I actually truly got so much love
[35:28.400 -> 35:30.440] from the messages that I was getting people saying,
[35:30.440 -> 35:31.720] you've made me feel healthier,
[35:31.720 -> 35:33.400] you've made me a happier person.
[35:33.400 -> 35:35.160] And rather than people saying to me,
[35:35.160 -> 35:36.720] oh, I wanna look like you,
[35:36.720 -> 35:38.820] nobody cared about what I look like anymore.
[35:38.820 -> 35:40.860] They cared about how I was making them feel.
[35:40.860 -> 35:42.320] That was life-changing for me.
[35:42.320 -> 35:44.400] Like people were sending me in like,
[35:44.400 -> 35:48.420] it's helped their kids, it's helped this, because I was talking about how I gained weight, I was talking
[35:48.420 -> 35:53.000] about how I was getting myself feeling better, how they could exercise within a small amount
[35:53.000 -> 35:56.320] of time, how they could feel better, and rather than people saying, oh I want to look like
[35:56.320 -> 36:00.120] you, how do I look like you, how do I get skinny like you, how do I do this, how do
[36:00.120 -> 36:03.400] I do that, they were actually thinking, wow, you've made me feel better.
[36:03.400 -> 36:06.360] So when did you start being authentic then?
[36:06.360 -> 36:08.000] When I'm telling people the truth on social
[36:08.000 -> 36:10.360] and what impact did that have for your following
[36:10.360 -> 36:11.360] and the reaction you got?
[36:11.360 -> 36:15.240] Lockdown, because I first started doing the live workouts
[36:15.240 -> 36:18.480] when I thought I need to train.
[36:18.480 -> 36:20.440] It was selfish, completely selfish of me.
[36:20.440 -> 36:21.640] I started doing these live workouts
[36:21.640 -> 36:23.360] because I thought, okay, if I turn up to my,
[36:23.360 -> 36:27.840] I think I had like 280,000 followers on Instagram. and I thought, if I say that I'm going to
[36:27.840 -> 36:32.240] do a live workout every day for these people, I'm then going to stick to my training routine.
[36:32.240 -> 36:37.200] Little did I know that every day, everyone was going to join, and it got up to like 30,000,
[36:37.200 -> 36:40.020] 35,000 live views on a daily basis.
[36:40.020 -> 36:42.740] You can't hide with all these people on a camera.
[36:42.740 -> 36:48.100] You cannot be a fake person every day for like five months it would be really hard it's like being on a TV show
[36:48.100 -> 36:52.540] right you can't be fake on a TV show I don't think if it's documenting you
[36:52.540 -> 36:57.040] every second of the day I was turning up and remember I'm exercising I'm doing
[36:57.040 -> 37:01.460] burpees I've not got such makeup on I'm sweating and everyone loved me for it
[37:01.460 -> 37:05.840] and I was just like nothing matters like. Like, what I looked like didn't
[37:05.840 -> 37:10.720] matter. The fact that I was bending over and I had belly rolls, people loved me for it. They
[37:10.720 -> 37:15.840] tuned in every day because they felt like they was with a friend and being myself is what people
[37:15.840 -> 37:19.120] enjoyed. So you realised that you had it wrong all those years? I had it wrong all these years. I'm
[37:19.120 -> 37:23.520] trying to, if only I'd done that like all them years ago, who knows where my business would have
[37:23.520 -> 37:29.200] been. But it needed that, I mean, it's unfortunate that the world had to go into lockdown and it had to
[37:29.200 -> 37:34.880] be that, but I turned up every day and of course at first I was so worried about the people that
[37:34.880 -> 37:39.600] was looking at me on this camera, but that instantly went when I knew how much people was,
[37:40.320 -> 37:44.400] I mean I used to get messages going, I love how you've come on this morning, my kids are loving
[37:44.400 -> 37:46.260] you, you're putting a smile on my face.
[37:46.260 -> 37:47.960] Like, how rewarding is that?
[37:47.960 -> 37:49.760] Rather than being, wow, you look good.
[37:49.760 -> 37:52.480] And it was rewarding because it was true energy.
[37:52.480 -> 37:55.160] This isn't like, this wasn't the next phase of fakery,
[37:55.160 -> 37:57.080] right now I'm going to pretend to be really
[37:57.080 -> 37:59.560] like driven and excited to help people out.
[37:59.560 -> 38:01.380] This was the real you.
[38:01.380 -> 38:02.840] And I think that is an amazing story
[38:02.840 -> 38:06.640] to go from feeling that you had to lie to
[38:06.640 -> 38:12.120] the world, right, and put all of that at the forefront of what you were doing to get to
[38:12.120 -> 38:16.040] the point where it's total freedom. But I'm also really interested in the business side
[38:16.040 -> 38:19.560] because there are loads of people that are themselves on social media, but they don't
[38:19.560 -> 38:23.760] run a business in the way that you do. So can we talk about the business side of your
[38:23.760 -> 38:27.160] life? Why do you believe you're a successful businesswoman?
[38:27.160 -> 38:32.480] Well, going back to when I was a kid, I'm not a special person at all, right?
[38:32.480 -> 38:37.240] You can probably hear that from my voice. I'm not like a typical English,
[38:37.240 -> 38:41.040] British person, you know, like the typical wealthy sort of person that you'd see.
[38:41.040 -> 38:45.440] I just love everything that's nitty-gritty about life.
[38:45.440 -> 38:50.160] But when I was in school, I was the geek. All I wanted to do was get home, go to my
[38:50.160 -> 38:55.600] computer games, work out how to use Photoshop to make my magazines. There's always something
[38:55.600 -> 39:00.160] going in my brain. My friends think I'm mental. I wake up at five in the morning and Amy,
[39:00.160 -> 39:10.520] she goes to me, you don't just get out of bed. You leap out of bed You're like a zombie getting out of bed because my mind is constantly going. I am always thinking what's next. What's next?
[39:10.520 -> 39:15.180] I told you guys earlier that I'm constantly moving and moving places because I don't know where I want to be
[39:15.180 -> 39:18.800] I'm constantly thinking what's next. I'm constantly thinking about new ideas
[39:18.800 -> 39:22.680] I text my employees at 5 in the morning 4 in the morning
[39:22.680 -> 39:28.120] Sometimes when I have an idea because I just want to note it down, I'm just thinking of the next thing and I'm
[39:28.120 -> 39:32.960] always so on the ball, I find it so hard to switch off. I can only like really
[39:32.960 -> 39:36.160] switch off for a five-day holiday. I couldn't think of anything worse than going away for two weeks.
[39:36.160 -> 39:43.640] Because I just, my legs would be going. Yeah, my leg would be going. I'd be thinking I need to get back, I want to work. I enjoy
[39:43.640 -> 39:49.920] working, I enjoy being busy. Like my friends go to me, you're doing too much. I don't think I
[39:49.920 -> 39:55.520] am. I like being busy, I like waking up in the morning, freeing my mind, filming for
[39:55.520 -> 39:59.920] the app, exercising, sitting back down, doing a couple zoom calls, being here
[39:59.920 -> 40:06.940] there and everywhere. I give everything what I do 100% and I never stop thinking what's next.
[40:06.940 -> 40:11.760] And I think to be successful and to have a successful business, you do have to make a
[40:11.760 -> 40:15.800] lot of sacrifices. I know it's a very typical thing that people probably hear on us all
[40:15.800 -> 40:20.440] the time. Oh, you have to make a lot of sacrifices, but you do. I'm not going to be here for my
[40:20.440 -> 40:24.280] niece's birthday party. So I'm going to see her the week before. I'm not always seeing
[40:24.280 -> 40:27.920] my friends. I have to say to my friends, guys I can't come out tonight because
[40:27.920 -> 40:31.720] tomorrow I want to be fresh. I have to cancel dinners, I have to cancel things.
[40:31.720 -> 40:34.720] To be honest with you, if they're good friends they're gonna stay around and I
[40:34.720 -> 40:38.040] always just think I am very cautious to know that I need to still make time for
[40:38.040 -> 40:41.200] people and I need to still make time for my family and friends. I'm still a good
[40:41.200 -> 40:53.200] daughter, I'm still a good auntie, I'm still a good sister, but unfortunately my business means a lot to me. It's what makes me happy.
[40:53.200 -> 40:58.480] As a person with a very deep voice, I'm hired all the time for advertising campaigns. But
[40:58.480 -> 41:04.200] a deep voice doesn't sell B2B, and advertising on the wrong platform doesn't sell B2B either.
[41:04.200 -> 41:08.000] That's why if you're a B2B marketer, you should use LinkedIn ads.
[41:08.000 -> 41:13.000] LinkedIn has the targeting capabilities to help you reach the world's largest professional audience.
[41:13.000 -> 41:17.000] That's right, over 70 million decision makers all in one place.
[41:17.000 -> 41:23.000] All the big wigs, then medium wigs, also small wigs who are on the path to becoming big wigs.
[41:23.000 -> 41:24.000] Okay, that's enough about wigs.
[41:24.000 -> 41:26.280] LinkedIn ads allows you to focus
[41:26.280 -> 41:29.120] on getting your B2B message to the right people.
[41:29.120 -> 41:32.040] So, does that mean you should use ads on LinkedIn
[41:32.040 -> 41:33.320] instead of hiring me,
[41:33.320 -> 41:36.080] the man with the deepest voice in the world?
[41:36.080 -> 41:37.900] Yes, yes it does.
[41:37.900 -> 41:40.040] Get started today and see why LinkedIn
[41:40.040 -> 41:42.460] is the place to be, to be.
[41:42.460 -> 41:45.720] We'll even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign.
[41:45.720 -> 41:48.880] Go to linkedin.com slash results to claim your credit.
[41:48.880 -> 41:51.160] That's linkedin.com slash results.
[41:51.160 -> 41:52.560] Terms and conditions apply.
[41:55.520 -> 41:57.720] On our podcast, we love to highlight businesses
[41:57.720 -> 41:59.220] that are doing things a better way
[41:59.220 -> 42:01.160] so you can live a better life.
[42:01.160 -> 42:04.520] And that's why when I found Mint Mobile, I had to share.
[42:04.520 -> 42:09.120] So Mint Mobile ditched retail stores and all those overhead costs and instead sells
[42:09.120 -> 42:13.560] their phone plans online and passes those savings to you. And for a limited
[42:13.560 -> 42:17.080] time they're passing on even more savings with a new customer offer that
[42:17.080 -> 42:22.400] cuts all Mint Mobile plans to $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan
[42:22.400 -> 42:28.600] that's unlimited talk, text and data for $15
[42:28.600 -> 42:33.620] a month. And by the way, the quality of Mint Mobile's wireless service in comparison to
[42:33.620 -> 42:38.600] providers that we've worked with before is incredible. Mint Mobile is here to rescue
[42:38.600 -> 42:44.200] you with premium wireless plans for $15 a month. So say goodbye to your overpriced wireless
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[42:46.680 -> 42:48.620] those unexpected overages,
[42:48.620 -> 42:51.140] because all the plans come with unlimited talk and text
[42:51.140 -> 42:52.920] and high-speed data delivered
[42:52.920 -> 42:55.700] on the nation's largest 5G network.
[42:55.700 -> 42:58.400] Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan.
[42:58.400 -> 42:59.760] Bring your phone number along
[42:59.760 -> 43:01.760] with all your existing contacts.
[43:01.760 -> 43:03.360] So ditch overpriced wireless
[43:03.360 -> 43:08.460] with Mint Mobile's limited-time deal and get premium wireless service for just 15 bucks a
[43:08.460 -> 43:12.840] month. To get this new customer offer and your new three month unlimited wireless
[43:12.840 -> 43:18.180] plan for just 15 bucks a month go to mintmobile.com slash HPP that's
[43:18.180 -> 43:24.180] mintmobile.com slash HPP. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at
[43:24.180 -> 43:26.920] mintmobile.com slash HPP.
[43:26.920 -> 43:35.840] Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. So
[43:35.840 -> 43:40.640] tell us what is it that gives you that energy to spring out of bed every
[43:40.640 -> 43:45.600] morning? What is it that gives you the energy to turn down dinner invites? i'r bwyd bob dydd. Beth yw'r peth sy'n rhoi'r energia i ddiogelu'r cyfarfodau'r dîm?
[43:45.600 -> 43:47.600] Mae'n rhaid i mi fod yn ddiddorol.
[43:47.600 -> 43:53.040] Ac er enghraifft, dyna'n beth da, ac rwy'n deall'r syniad, ond rwy'n meddwl,
[43:53.040 -> 43:56.640] i bobl sy'n clywed hyn, mae'n mynd i mewn, rwy'n credu bod gen i energia, ond rhaid i
[43:56.640 -> 44:02.320] hyn fod yn canol, rydw i'n hoffi gwybod, beth yw'r peth, defnyddio, beth yw'r peth rydych chi'n ei wneud,
[44:02.320 -> 44:09.080] oherwydd mae'n mwy na dim ond yn gwneud arian. Beth yw'r syniad o'r rhan? like define what is it that you do? Because it's more than just making money. What's the sense of purpose? Of course, so it's changing people's lives and I know
[44:09.080 -> 44:14.080] that's cliche. It's people saying to me I've suffered with food my whole life
[44:14.080 -> 44:17.880] and you've helped me recover from an eating disorder. It's people saying to me
[44:17.880 -> 44:21.760] I've had cancer and you've, I mean I've got one girl who does my workouts and
[44:21.760 -> 44:30.560] she's literally got one arm. Anything is possible. Like exercise is such a huge relief and seeing these people's lives change so much, how can
[44:30.560 -> 44:34.480] you not be motivated and inspired to do that every single day? Of course, not everyone's
[44:34.480 -> 44:40.000] going to be a personal trainer, so that's not going to apply to everyone. But find something
[44:40.000 -> 44:44.360] that is rewarding. It's not just your work, by the way, it's things that you do outside
[44:44.360 -> 44:48.520] of work, something that might help people, help people outside of work, and then you're
[44:48.520 -> 44:52.480] going to be happier when you go to work. Not everyone's going to be in a job that they're
[44:52.480 -> 44:57.480] going to feel personally rewarded for, right? You guys run this podcast, but there's people
[44:57.480 -> 45:01.800] around here that the podcast isn't necessarily rewarding for them. It's a rewarding job because
[45:01.800 -> 45:08.720] they get to see how many lives this podcast changes, but they're not at the forefront of it. But you can't always be at the forefront of everything,
[45:08.720 -> 45:13.440] right? But the little things that you do in life and you can see people that are getting happier,
[45:13.440 -> 45:17.360] they're getting more rewarded from certain things, that's so life-changing. And that's
[45:17.360 -> 45:21.520] going to be your get up and go. And how do you work out who gets to come on the journey with
[45:21.520 -> 45:26.240] you? How do you pick the team around you? Because you know, you're central to this, right?
[45:26.240 -> 45:27.840] And they're there with you, but they're not you.
[45:27.840 -> 45:30.080] So how do you work out who needs to be?
[45:30.080 -> 45:30.920] What do you look for?
[45:30.920 -> 45:31.740] It's really hard.
[45:31.740 -> 45:35.200] I've lost like four employees over the last two years.
[45:35.200 -> 45:36.520] One of them being my best friend.
[45:36.520 -> 45:37.760] And I've actually recently fell out
[45:37.760 -> 45:39.240] with my best friend from work.
[45:39.240 -> 45:40.240] Why?
[45:40.240 -> 45:41.160] I don't know.
[45:41.160 -> 45:43.080] And I feel like it's really sad
[45:43.080 -> 45:45.540] because we was best best friends she
[45:45.540 -> 45:50.400] started working for me it was never an issue of work maybe again like we're
[45:50.400 -> 45:54.560] very two different person she's very sensitive I'm not but yeah I don't know
[45:54.560 -> 45:58.200] I moved to London I just feel like we really drifted apart and however much we
[45:58.200 -> 46:02.480] tried to make that work it wasn't working and I don't feel like people are
[46:02.480 -> 46:09.480] always as genuine as they feel like as you want them to be. I feel I was holding on to friendships that and I mean I
[46:09.480 -> 46:12.560] always say to you guys I said to you earlier don't surround yourself people
[46:12.560 -> 46:16.120] that don't have your best interests and I was doing that basically I was trying
[46:16.120 -> 46:19.200] to make something work that wasn't working and sometimes you have to let go of
[46:19.200 -> 46:22.520] people and unfortunately I had to let go of my best friend I had to let go of
[46:22.520 -> 46:25.080] people in the in the workplace because they're not doing they're not they don't want the best for you and they don't want to let go of my best friend. I had to let go of people in the workplace because they're not doing...
[46:25.080 -> 46:28.640] they're not... they don't want the best for you and they don't want to be part of that life.
[46:28.640 -> 46:33.960] And as somebody then that has spent a lot of time looking for validation from other people,
[46:33.960 -> 46:38.520] how do you deal with that when maybe you and your friend do have that fallout?
[46:38.520 -> 46:41.240] How does that make you feel and how do you now process it?
[46:41.240 -> 46:43.520] Oh, it's horrible. It's initially horrible.
[46:43.520 -> 46:46.160] It's that feeling of, have I done something wrong?
[46:46.160 -> 46:48.240] And that's, honestly, I don't know if I said to you earlier,
[46:48.240 -> 46:50.400] I've come so far, the first thing I thought of
[46:50.400 -> 46:51.960] when I've stopped being friends with her,
[46:51.960 -> 46:55.320] this is recent, by the way, I thought, what have I done?
[46:55.320 -> 46:56.480] What have I done wrong?
[46:56.480 -> 46:59.080] It's not me, it's not her,
[46:59.080 -> 47:00.720] it's just we're both not connecting.
[47:00.720 -> 47:03.800] And as I said earlier, you're not someone else's emotions.
[47:03.800 -> 47:07.080] I don't know how she's feeling, she doesn't know how I feel, even though we're vocalising it
[47:07.080 -> 47:10.160] to each other we're still taking it the wrong way and sometimes it's good to
[47:10.160 -> 47:14.840] just take a step back and it's it's good to know that sometimes things aren't
[47:14.840 -> 47:17.840] going to work out, everything can't be hunky-dory, like you can't be getting on
[47:17.840 -> 47:21.640] with everyone all the time and sometimes these relationships just don't work
[47:21.640 -> 47:26.000] anymore. People grow as different people, you want different things. As you're saying it Courtney, I'm reminded of the echoes of a previous yw'r ymdrechion sy'n dweud y byddai'r gydweithiau yn dweud, nid yw'n gweithio arall. Mae pobl yn gweithio fel bobl wahanol.
[47:26.000 -> 47:28.000] Mae angen pethau wahanol.
[47:28.000 -> 47:30.000] Fel y dweud, Courtney, rwy'n cael fy nghyfro o'r
[47:30.000 -> 47:32.000] echo o'r ymdrechion gyntaf
[47:32.000 -> 47:34.000] gyda'r ffotbolaidd Dymunedol
[47:34.000 -> 47:36.000] Robin Van Persie, a ddweud o
[47:36.000 -> 47:38.000] sut, pan ddechreuodd ar ei gyrfa ffotbolaidd,
[47:38.000 -> 47:40.000] roedd yn mwynhau ei grŵp ddwiedrwch
[47:40.000 -> 47:42.000] y dynion a oedd yn mynd gyda nhw
[47:42.000 -> 47:44.000] a mwynhau'r holl bethau gwych
[47:44.000 -> 47:45.040] a wnaeth y gyrfa y gynllunio'n ddiweddar and experience all the great things he did and he reached a plateau in his career where
[47:45.040 -> 47:50.080] he had to make the decision of your journey's at an end with me now, we need to, I'll still
[47:50.080 -> 47:54.640] love you and I'll always have affection but I need to go in a different direction without
[47:54.640 -> 48:02.840] you guys. So how do you now determine who comes with you on this next stage of the journey?
[48:02.840 -> 48:10.280] Who becomes a member of your new tribe? I think it's hard to know someone's true intentions and that does take a long time to build that
[48:10.280 -> 48:16.640] trust in people. But for example, my assistant Alex, she beams everything that I would ever
[48:16.640 -> 48:21.860] want someone to work for me for. She's honest, she's open, she tells me when I'm in the wrong.
[48:21.860 -> 48:25.200] If I say something and she thinks she doesn't agree with it, she tells me.
[48:25.200 -> 48:28.400] People, you need to have honest and open people around you.
[48:28.400 -> 48:29.640] You don't want people to be agreeing with everything
[48:29.640 -> 48:30.480] you say all the time.
[48:30.480 -> 48:32.200] If you come into this podcast
[48:32.200 -> 48:34.600] and your team don't agree with something you say,
[48:34.600 -> 48:36.580] do you want them to tell you
[48:36.580 -> 48:39.000] or do you want to come on here and just do it anyway?
[48:39.000 -> 48:40.280] You want an honest opinion.
[48:40.280 -> 48:42.800] If you still feel like that's right in your gut,
[48:42.800 -> 48:44.000] then still go with it.
[48:44.000 -> 48:45.000] You don't want people to just agree
[48:45.000 -> 48:45.900] with what you're saying because,
[48:45.900 -> 48:47.600] oh, you've got a big audience
[48:47.600 -> 48:50.000] or people normally pussyfoot around you.
[48:50.000 -> 48:53.600] You want someone to really want you to do the best.
[48:53.600 -> 48:55.400] You need to also reciprocate that.
[48:55.400 -> 48:57.300] Otherwise, that's not gonna last for very long.
[48:57.300 -> 48:58.600] And I've learned that in business as well.
[48:58.600 -> 49:00.500] Always check in with how people are.
[49:00.500 -> 49:02.400] Always be really considerate
[49:02.400 -> 49:08.680] and always really wanna know how someone else is feeling because it's not just you that matters, it's them as well. If you're not
[49:08.680 -> 49:12.720] caring with people that are working for you, your team around you, they're going to get
[49:12.720 -> 49:16.920] bored. And I've learnt that. I mean, maybe that's what happened with my best friend.
[49:16.920 -> 49:19.600] Maybe I wasn't caring enough for her. Maybe that was a little bit me.
[49:19.600 -> 49:21.000] Or maybe it's just okay.
[49:21.000 -> 49:22.400] Yeah, and it's fine.
[49:22.400 -> 49:23.400] And life moves on.
[49:23.400 -> 49:28.220] Life does move on. And sometimes you're making it worse by just trying to make it perfect all the time
[49:28.220 -> 49:31.660] and trying to make things work that aren't meant to work and that's fine.
[49:31.660 -> 49:35.580] Life does move on. I'm really interested as well to talk about your decision
[49:35.580 -> 49:39.700] making because you built a whole business around people going to the
[49:39.700 -> 49:43.780] gym and then lockdown came and you had to pivot and then your whole business
[49:43.780 -> 49:48.540] had to be about home workouts. Well yeah let's talk about scary and then lockdown came and you had to pivot and then your whole business had to be about home workouts. Well yeah let's talk about scary and then talk
[49:48.540 -> 49:52.760] about how you turn it from scary into successful. It's crazy because I could
[49:52.760 -> 49:56.800] never imagine myself, everyone says to me now like what do you what gym do you go to?
[49:56.800 -> 50:01.240] Don't step foot in the gym. I've tried it, I've dabbled back in it, hated it but I
[50:01.240 -> 50:05.640] was so hell-bent on going to the gym, it was your release, I used to
[50:05.640 -> 50:08.960] laugh at people that used to do home workouts and then this got thrown on me
[50:08.960 -> 50:13.040] and I've just spent all of my life savings, everything that I earned my
[50:13.040 -> 50:16.240] money on, I mean I've got a flat, I mean how am I gonna afford to pay for my flat,
[50:16.240 -> 50:20.040] I've just paid for this app, I've filmed every single workout on gym equipment
[50:20.040 -> 50:23.440] and then we've gone into lockdown. Literally the launch for my app was the
[50:23.440 -> 50:29.760] week before lockdown. And just to reiterate, you put your life savings into the app, you've taken a big risk,
[50:29.760 -> 50:33.320] people don't talk often enough in business about the risk. Tell us the risk of this app.
[50:33.320 -> 50:37.880] Everything. Every penny that I earn, doing them 14 hour days, working on bank holidays,
[50:37.880 -> 50:42.840] doing everything that I could in that gym, earning the money from the ebooks. I literally
[50:42.840 -> 50:49.560] just had this app and my flat. I mean, was it. I've gone from thinking okay this app's gonna turn over
[50:49.560 -> 50:53.440] this much, it already had a few subscribers, to thinking what the hell
[50:53.440 -> 50:56.440] everyone's gonna unsubscribe, I'm not working in the gym anymore, we're not
[50:56.440 -> 50:59.760] allowed to work in the gym, I'm self-employed.
[50:59.760 -> 51:07.100] Wow, right, so just go back and tell us about the app then for people that don't know it So what was the intention behind it?
[51:07.100 -> 51:14.060] Um, and why were you confident that it was going to be successful to put to go all in on that scale in a business?
[51:14.100 -> 51:16.100] It's the most important thing you can do in a business
[51:16.180 -> 51:19.100] Like it's the same as if you're teaching one child
[51:19.140 -> 51:22.040] Why can't you get four kids in that class and scale your business bigger?
[51:22.040 -> 51:25.560] I was earning I was selling crazy amounts of e-books.
[51:25.560 -> 51:27.160] Like, and when I say crazy amounts,
[51:27.160 -> 51:30.760] I remember it cost me 100 pounds to make this e-book, right?
[51:30.760 -> 51:32.360] It probably took me a week to make it,
[51:32.360 -> 51:34.520] and I earned like 300K off of it.
[51:34.520 -> 51:35.360] Right.
[51:35.360 -> 51:38.160] Right, so I'd sold a shit ton of e-books, yeah?
[51:38.160 -> 51:39.920] And this was just a PDF document.
[51:39.920 -> 51:42.320] People, it's changing so many people's lives.
[51:42.320 -> 51:43.160] Yeah.
[51:43.160 -> 51:43.980] What am I gonna do next?
[51:43.980 -> 51:46.000] I can't have 10, 15, 30 e-books.
[51:46.000 -> 51:47.440] People are gonna be so bored of that.
[51:47.440 -> 51:50.000] There's only so much you can put in an e-book.
[51:50.000 -> 51:51.920] How can I scale this into something bigger?
[51:51.920 -> 51:54.000] How can I hit people all around the world?
[51:54.000 -> 51:55.100] How can I add videos?
[51:55.100 -> 51:56.820] How can I add voiceovers?
[51:56.820 -> 51:59.200] How can I really tap into someone,
[51:59.200 -> 52:01.440] help them with their food, help them with their nutrition,
[52:01.440 -> 52:03.640] make it more personalized so I can tell them
[52:03.640 -> 52:04.920] how many calories they're eating,
[52:04.920 -> 52:07.240] how to make themselves feel better, how to fuel their day.
[52:07.240 -> 52:08.240] It's an app, right?
[52:08.240 -> 52:13.760] There's no better thing that you can do in business than have a subscriber base.
[52:13.760 -> 52:17.360] A subscriber base that is there and they're loyal, right?
[52:17.360 -> 52:21.600] So say like 30,000 people bought these e-books and I had 30,000 people on an app paying 15
[52:21.600 -> 52:22.600] night down a month.
[52:22.600 -> 52:25.200] I don't even need to explain that to you.
[52:25.200 -> 52:29.040] That's a shit ton of money. And you're helping so many more people.
[52:29.040 -> 52:35.200] But what's interesting here is we've spoken about the purpose. The purpose of the app
[52:35.200 -> 52:39.200] wasn't, was it to make money or was it to reach as many people as possible and change
[52:39.200 -> 52:40.200] their lives?
[52:40.200 -> 52:41.200] Reach as many people.
[52:41.200 -> 52:42.480] Because then the byproduct is you make money.
[52:42.480 -> 52:46.300] I never thought I was going to have this many subscribers, don't get me wrong. Like you just want to be
[52:46.300 -> 52:48.820] comfortable, you want to be happy, you want to be earning a good wage and you
[52:48.820 -> 52:54.280] want to be able to fund this app. I mean in lockdown I didn't charge for any of
[52:54.280 -> 52:59.620] them workouts. I was still doing it unpaid. I worked for five months unpaid. I
[52:59.620 -> 53:02.740] actually raised money for charities during it instead. I said if you want to
[53:02.740 -> 53:06.400] donate after these workouts then do that. I did not earn a penny for five months I was
[53:06.400 -> 53:10.080] still thinking in my head what am I gonna do so this app we didn't have any
[53:10.080 -> 53:14.040] subscribers on it only had gym workouts on it I don't develop the app myself I
[53:14.040 -> 53:17.800] couldn't overnight change it to a home workout app so I thought what can I do
[53:17.800 -> 53:21.840] instead I built a loyal following I built up a loyal amount of people doing
[53:21.840 -> 53:24.960] these things for three thirty thousand people thirty five thousand people was
[53:24.960 -> 53:25.440] coming on live but two hundred thousand people was coming on live
[53:25.880 -> 53:27.080] but
[53:27.080 -> 53:31.440] Two hundred thousand people was actually watching that video and doing that workout because you could post it
[53:31.820 -> 53:36.900] So this was a huge huge following I was gaining thirty thousand followers overnight
[53:36.900 -> 53:41.400] I wrote in my notes every single night how many fat how many followers I was gaining
[53:41.400 -> 53:45.400] I was just so excited about coming on. That was
[53:45.400 -> 53:49.560] the highlight of my day was doing that 9 a.m. workout. So can I ask you a question
[53:49.560 -> 53:53.240] that links to the very first answer that you gave then. You spoke to us about how
[53:53.240 -> 53:56.600] when you were a young girl you felt an awful lot of pressure and that then
[53:56.600 -> 54:01.160] manifested itself in the eating disorders and that horrible self-talk
[54:01.160 -> 54:05.340] that you had. So as you're doing this now, you've got the pressure of,
[54:05.340 -> 54:07.960] you've launched an app, you've gone all in with the money,
[54:07.960 -> 54:10.140] you've got more and more eyeballs
[54:10.140 -> 54:11.600] coming watching these workouts,
[54:11.600 -> 54:13.960] you're feeling that there's nowhere to hide,
[54:13.960 -> 54:18.900] like the belly rolls or the flaws that you might have.
[54:18.900 -> 54:21.680] How did you now process pressure differently
[54:21.680 -> 54:24.680] than when you were 17 and it manifested itself
[54:24.680 -> 54:26.000] in such
[54:26.000 -> 54:31.040] horrible ways. I tapped it into business so I didn't, through lockdown I didn't
[54:31.040 -> 54:35.960] have any bad thoughts about what I look like. It's weird, not one, maybe maybe
[54:35.960 -> 54:39.320] every now and then but I didn't sit there and worry about what people was
[54:39.320 -> 54:43.080] thinking about what I look like but then I started having the issue of worrying
[54:43.080 -> 54:49.640] about people judging what I was doing and not liking my, my, my, I was giving in the workouts, not liking things that I
[54:49.640 -> 54:55.640] was posting on Instagram. So that moved over to the business side of things. And that's
[54:55.640 -> 54:58.640] when I needed to start having the therapist that I knew that I really need to tap into
[54:58.640 -> 55:01.400] this and see what was channeling this.
[55:01.400 -> 55:04.480] So you got the therapist when you got it right?
[55:04.480 -> 55:05.000] Yeah, when the bits were booming.
[55:05.000 -> 55:08.960] Literally when the bits were booming. That's interesting because most people would do that when they're
[55:08.960 -> 55:13.280] struggling. Yeah. So there's real foresight there. And so what did you, when you go and see a
[55:13.280 -> 55:16.860] therapist right and they go what's the problem? You kind of go in and go well
[55:16.860 -> 55:21.240] life's never been better. So what did you explain to that therapist you wanted from
[55:21.240 -> 55:25.840] those those sessions? Well no I remember I actually rang the therapist crying my eyes out.
[55:25.840 -> 55:26.840] Really?
[55:26.840 -> 55:27.840] Actually, yeah.
[55:27.840 -> 55:29.880] So I was in this big house I just bought for myself.
[55:29.880 -> 55:36.320] I was a, as I say, 25 year old girl in a five bedroom house, my own gym studio in the garden,
[55:36.320 -> 55:38.560] had everything I ever wanted and I was happy.
[55:38.560 -> 55:44.120] I wasn't unhappy, don't get me wrong, and I was really happy but I was getting so overwhelmed.
[55:44.120 -> 55:45.240] I had my first panic attack in my office in that room and I could not breathe and this was the day that I was getting so overwhelmed. I had my first panic attack
[55:45.240 -> 55:48.840] in my office in that room and I could not breathe and this is the day that I
[55:48.840 -> 55:53.200] rang the therapist. So describe a panic attack for someone that hasn't ever had one.
[55:53.200 -> 55:57.280] I've not had one since. Okay go on. I was sitting on the floor and I could not breathe and I
[55:57.280 -> 56:00.800] could not breathe for a good light hour. And what triggered it? What had happened
[56:00.800 -> 56:06.360] leading up to this? I think it was days and days of little
[56:06.360 -> 56:11.280] tiny comments by the way, it's so superficial when you look at it but
[56:11.280 -> 56:14.460] people going I didn't like that you done this, I don't like this what you've
[56:14.460 -> 56:18.200] posted but remember I've put my heart and soul into this for like two years. I
[56:18.200 -> 56:23.480] loved my community and I loved the people that I'd built, I train with them
[56:23.480 -> 56:27.540] every single day so to think that someone didn't like what I was doing
[56:27.540 -> 56:29.660] affected me so much.
[56:29.660 -> 56:31.140] Remember, it was one silly little comment.
[56:31.140 -> 56:33.140] I think it was something as stupid as,
[56:33.140 -> 56:35.600] why have you called that workout that?
[56:35.600 -> 56:37.100] And I just remember sitting there
[56:37.100 -> 56:38.180] and I was getting so overwhelmed
[56:38.180 -> 56:39.680] and I was on my own in this office.
[56:39.680 -> 56:41.380] And I remember I was in my pajamas as well.
[56:41.380 -> 56:42.900] I felt like a nutcase.
[56:42.900 -> 56:44.180] I was so erratic.
[56:44.180 -> 56:45.360] I was like, what is going on?
[56:45.360 -> 56:46.480] What is going on?
[56:46.480 -> 56:48.080] I didn't tell anyone that I rang this therapist.
[56:48.080 -> 56:50.240] And then I booked in with her the next week.
[56:50.240 -> 56:52.860] And I just remember feeling nuts.
[56:52.860 -> 56:53.880] The instant that I heard,
[56:53.880 -> 56:55.760] she was getting me putting my hand on my head,
[56:55.760 -> 56:56.920] my hand on my chest.
[56:56.920 -> 56:58.440] She was amazing, don't be wrong.
[56:58.440 -> 57:00.600] She's completely changed the way that I see business.
[57:00.600 -> 57:03.360] First couple of sessions I thought, what am I doing?
[57:03.360 -> 57:08.800] I'm literally sitting there, she's making me go. I'm thinking, she's making me imagine myself on a
[57:08.800 -> 57:13.400] beach and connecting to things. What was the purpose of that? It was so
[57:13.400 -> 57:17.120] spirit, it was tapping into how I was deeply feeling and what I was and just
[57:17.120 -> 57:20.520] getting me away and just chilling me out basically. She was trying to chill me out,
[57:20.520 -> 57:24.200] trying to calm me down. She was telling me when I was waking up,
[57:24.200 -> 57:27.600] because I'd wake up quite a lot in the night, and she was like when I wake up put your hand on
[57:27.600 -> 57:30.840] your chest and take deep breaths and put your hand on your head and take deep
[57:30.840 -> 57:36.080] breaths. It helped me so much. These sort of things are so powerful. Tapping into
[57:36.080 -> 57:40.320] things and just chilling out. So when did you stop feeling like a nutter then?
[57:40.320 -> 57:45.160] When it started working, when I started sleeping better and when I was
[57:45.160 -> 57:48.880] actually listening to her thinking I'm paying this woman and I'm trying to, I
[57:48.880 -> 57:54.280] really want to calm down and I really want to have that nice balance of being
[57:54.280 -> 57:59.040] always on the go but also knowing how to find my calm. I never trusted anyone to
[57:59.040 -> 58:03.400] do any jobs that I didn't want to do. I mean I've since the day that I've met
[58:03.400 -> 58:05.360] her I've employed like a team of 10 people.
[58:05.360 -> 58:07.840] You were a control freak before then, were you?
[58:07.840 -> 58:10.920] Massively. I only had one person working for me. And even then I didn't trust what she
[58:10.920 -> 58:15.880] was doing. I felt like I had to do everything to make it perfect. I would never, ever, ever
[58:15.880 -> 58:19.200] have hired a CTO. I mean, I've got a chief tech that goes off and out doing meetings
[58:19.200 -> 58:23.220] for me, and then coming back and telling me things. It's just losing that control and
[58:23.220 -> 58:26.060] losing that power and knowing that you're not gonna be good at everything.
[58:26.060 -> 58:29.260] And I always felt like I had to have the power,
[58:29.260 -> 58:32.060] I had to control because I'd built this business myself.
[58:32.060 -> 58:33.740] I felt like I was the only one that could do it.
[58:33.740 -> 58:37.100] But how can I then go back to me telling you guys,
[58:37.100 -> 58:39.620] oh, to scale out, I wanted to build this up.
[58:39.620 -> 58:41.460] To scale out, you've got to have other people
[58:41.460 -> 58:43.820] that are better at you than what you are.
[58:43.820 -> 58:45.480] You're not gonna be the best at everything.
[58:45.480 -> 58:49.200] And I think that's where I was quite overwhelmed and stuff
[58:49.200 -> 58:52.440] was I was putting this insane amount of pressure on myself
[58:52.440 -> 58:55.200] to be here, there and everywhere, say yes to everything
[58:55.200 -> 58:58.720] and do everything in my business that I just couldn't do.
[58:58.720 -> 59:01.480] But there's a pattern here in terms of two of the answers
[59:01.480 -> 59:03.440] that you've said that like,
[59:03.440 -> 59:05.000] when you decided to remove those fillers and you described that really, really powerfully yn ystod dwy o'r cyfansodau rydych chi wedi'u dweud, fel pan decidwch chi i ddod o'r ffyllau hynny,
[59:05.000 -> 59:08.000] a ddewch chi'n ysgrifennu hynny'n eithaf gallanol,
[59:08.000 -> 59:11.000] a yna ddechreuwch chi ddweud nid i fynd allan i ddinno
[59:11.000 -> 59:13.000] gyda phobl rydych chi ddim eisiau.
[59:13.000 -> 59:15.000] Dechreuwch chi ddweud nid i wneud pethau rydw i ddim yn teimlo'n dda.
[59:15.000 -> 59:18.000] Ie, ac yna mae'n ddweud mai'r gwefan wedi dod yn ôl,
[59:18.000 -> 59:21.000] lle rydych chi wedi'i ddewis gyda llawer o gynhyrchiadau
[59:21.000 -> 59:24.000] ar gyfer y busnes, ac yna rydych chi wedi cael y panic attack,
[59:24.000 -> 59:25.080] a rai o bobl wedi dweud, mae yna rydych wedi cael y panic attack, a dweud rhai,
[59:25.080 -> 59:26.720] y ddraithydd sy'n dysgu i chi,
[59:26.720 -> 59:27.840] gadewch amser,
[59:27.840 -> 59:29.040] rhoi amser i chi feddwl,
[59:29.040 -> 59:32.000] ac rydych wedi mynd dros y
[59:32.000 -> 59:33.040] chwith ddysgu o'ch gyrfa.
[59:33.040 -> 59:34.800] Felly, mae hynny'n grifio i mi,
[59:34.800 -> 59:35.800] addictive.
[59:35.800 -> 59:37.640] Ie, felly rydw i'n gofyn i chi,
[59:37.640 -> 59:39.360] ar hyn o bryd, rydych chi wedi ysgrifennu ddau ffordd
[59:39.360 -> 59:41.800] lle rydych chi wedi rhoi amser i chi i gael teimlad,
[59:41.800 -> 59:43.160] rydych chi wedi tyfu,
[59:43.160 -> 59:45.200] ac yna rydych chi wedi'i ffynnu o'r byd gweithiol, ac yna rydych chi wedi cael un o'r moment lle rydych chi wedi cael teimlad i gael teimlad, It's giving yourself time to calm, you've grown and then you filled it with busyness
[59:45.200 -> 59:50.160] and then you've had another moment where you've had to find time to calm, you've grown it
[59:50.160 -> 59:51.160] again.
[59:51.160 -> 59:53.240] How do you avoid it happening a third or a fourth time then?
[59:53.240 -> 59:55.560] I think it's tapping into it early.
[59:55.560 -> 59:58.640] You know when you're getting a bit too controlling, you're getting a bit too addicted to something
[59:58.640 -> 01:00:01.240] and there's nothing wrong with having an addictive personality, right?
[01:00:01.240 -> 01:00:07.620] It's made me be the businesswoman that I am today and I think a lot of high performers a lot of successful people say the same thing
[01:00:07.620 -> 01:00:11.200] they say they've got an addictive personality it is a thing and it's not a
[01:00:11.200 -> 01:00:15.800] bad thing but you've got to know how to have that balance and listening to other
[01:00:15.800 -> 01:00:19.360] people having good people around you not thinking you can do everything yourself
[01:00:19.360 -> 01:00:23.640] I think is the most important thing and I think when you get when you get
[01:00:23.640 -> 01:00:28.520] addictive and you get obsessive over something it's because you think you know the best all the time you don't
[01:00:28.520 -> 01:00:31.200] think you should listen to anyone else you don't think you should take advice to anyone
[01:00:31.200 -> 01:00:37.680] else it's listening to podcasts it's listening to other entrepreneurs it's listening to therapists
[01:00:37.680 -> 01:00:41.640] it's listening to people that you just love people that you respect their decisions and
[01:00:41.640 -> 01:00:48.120] it's actually taking in what they're saying and not thinking that you're always the best all the time, which is an easy thing to slip into.
[01:00:48.120 -> 01:00:52.840] After this hour-long conversation it kind of actually takes us all the way back to the very beginning
[01:00:52.840 -> 01:00:57.000] and now it's all about being reminded that empathy is actually what matters
[01:00:57.000 -> 01:01:01.000] and the Courtney Black that we would have spoken to five or six years ago
[01:01:01.000 -> 01:01:02.400] I would have never have been here.
[01:01:02.400 -> 01:01:04.000] would have had opinion at the forefront.
[01:01:04.000 -> 01:01:05.520] I would never have been here. I would never have been here.
[01:01:05.520 -> 01:01:09.120] And I honestly don't think that if I didn't get rid
[01:01:09.120 -> 01:01:11.680] of them fillers, if I didn't, wasn't true to myself.
[01:01:11.680 -> 01:01:14.120] And if I wasn't back to who I was,
[01:01:14.120 -> 01:01:16.200] nothing in lockdown would have happened.
[01:01:16.200 -> 01:01:18.500] I would never have gained the trust of all them people.
[01:01:18.500 -> 01:01:19.840] Never, ever.
[01:01:19.840 -> 01:01:22.640] And I needed that little moment to be back to who I was
[01:01:22.640 -> 01:01:23.560] and to be successful.
[01:01:23.560 -> 01:01:24.520] And that's why I said,
[01:01:24.520 -> 01:01:27.300] you need to be genuine to be successful because nobody wants to love
[01:01:27.300 -> 01:01:30.700] someone who doesn't love themselves and who doesn't genuinely believe in what they're
[01:01:30.700 -> 01:01:31.700] preaching.
[01:01:31.700 -> 01:01:37.180] What a fascinating journey it's been for you and an amazing conversation.
[01:01:37.180 -> 01:01:38.980] We've now reached the moment for our quickfire questions.
[01:01:38.980 -> 01:01:39.980] Okay, I'm scared.
[01:01:39.980 -> 01:01:45.400] What are the three non-negotiables that people around you have to buy into to be part of
[01:01:45.400 -> 01:01:46.400] your world?
[01:01:46.400 -> 01:01:47.400] Driven.
[01:01:47.400 -> 01:01:48.400] Yeah.
[01:01:48.400 -> 01:01:49.400] Charismatic.
[01:01:49.400 -> 01:01:50.400] Know how to work a room.
[01:01:50.400 -> 01:01:53.640] I think that's a very important quality.
[01:01:53.640 -> 01:01:55.860] Knowing how to talk to different kinds of people.
[01:01:55.860 -> 01:01:59.800] If you can't go in and talk to people that you've never spoken to before and be thrown
[01:01:59.800 -> 01:02:04.360] in the deep end and be able to communicate with people that you're not really used to,
[01:02:04.360 -> 01:02:08.240] that's a big, big red flag for me, especially in business and especially in
[01:02:08.240 -> 01:02:13.200] people that I would want to be around. And calming energy. I want people to be
[01:02:13.200 -> 01:02:17.040] able to calm each other down and be able to be empathetic to each other and be
[01:02:17.040 -> 01:02:22.360] able to maybe take things in the right way when they sometimes can seem
[01:02:22.360 -> 01:02:28.520] negative. What's your greatest weakness and what's your biggest strength? My greatest weakness is I'm super
[01:02:28.520 -> 01:02:33.760] impatient, super impatient. Everything's got to be go, go, go and that's made me to
[01:02:33.760 -> 01:02:38.600] make big decisions. So I'm very on the spot, I can think on the spot but
[01:02:38.600 -> 01:02:43.720] sometimes it's not a good thing but it's also made me make the biggest decisions
[01:02:43.720 -> 01:02:46.000] and it's made me excel the most in my career and
[01:02:46.560 -> 01:02:53.040] I am a very loyal and loving person and what I do is always with the best interest at heart
[01:02:53.040 -> 01:02:56.840] I'm a very very loyal person and I think that really shines through in everything that I do
[01:02:57.000 -> 01:03:02.080] What is the lowest moment in your whole life or your biggest failure? And how did you react to it?
[01:03:02.080 -> 01:03:07.400] I think the lowest moment is when I was living in that flat and I had the eating disorder
[01:03:07.400 -> 01:03:12.520] and I was just going through relationships and everything that was making me feel worse
[01:03:12.520 -> 01:03:16.480] about myself and I was seeking validation out of people that I should never have seeked
[01:03:16.480 -> 01:03:23.080] validation from and as I say just in a miserable spell of trying to overcompensate, trying
[01:03:23.080 -> 01:03:25.280] to be someone that I wasn't, and then that, but
[01:03:25.280 -> 01:03:28.340] it made me the person I am today. It literally did. If that didn't happen, I
[01:03:28.340 -> 01:03:31.520] would not be here. We talk often on this podcast that what is hard for you isn't
[01:03:31.520 -> 01:03:36.280] necessarily bad for you, and you've lived a life of really hard moments. Yeah, 100%.
[01:03:36.280 -> 01:03:39.960] That have equipped you with what you need to do. I've not even touched base on things that I've
[01:03:39.960 -> 01:03:43.940] literally like, like my dad for example, and other things that have happened in my
[01:03:43.940 -> 01:03:45.360] life which have made me the person who I am today, and other things that have happened in
[01:03:43.840 -> 01:03:48.520] my life which have made me the person who
[01:03:45.360 -> 01:03:51.640] I am today. And I agree, everything that's
[01:03:48.520 -> 01:03:53.640] I laugh at it all the time.
[01:03:51.640 -> 01:03:55.600] Every time, I mean I've been single for five
[01:03:53.640 -> 01:03:58.400] years right, whenever I see someone, I
[01:03:55.600 -> 01:04:00.160] gain something from it. I feel like crap
[01:03:58.400 -> 01:04:01.600] at the time because something bad's happened
[01:04:00.160 -> 01:04:03.960] or something's happened it's not worked
[01:04:01.600 -> 01:04:05.920] out. I always learn something and I always
[01:04:03.960 -> 01:04:05.160] gain something and I always gain something.
[01:04:05.160 -> 01:04:07.840] And I always feel like I would never take that back.
[01:04:07.840 -> 01:04:09.720] So what's been the biggest learning
[01:04:09.720 -> 01:04:11.480] you've had from a relationship?
[01:04:11.480 -> 01:04:13.600] Don't trust people on face value,
[01:04:13.600 -> 01:04:16.680] don't seek validation from people that love bombing,
[01:04:16.680 -> 01:04:18.880] or they, no one's perfect basically.
[01:04:18.880 -> 01:04:20.400] And everyone can make them seem like
[01:04:20.400 -> 01:04:21.800] they live this perfect life,
[01:04:21.800 -> 01:04:24.080] and they're gonna have the most perfect thing for you.
[01:04:24.080 -> 01:04:27.640] But that's not realistic. People have flaws and when people show you their
[01:04:27.640 -> 01:04:31.600] flaws is the best people to be around, not people that are trying to be perfect all the
[01:04:31.600 -> 01:04:32.600] time.
[01:04:32.600 -> 01:04:34.320] What one book would you recommend for our listeners?
[01:04:34.320 -> 01:04:37.440] The Magic of Thinking Big. I love that one.
[01:04:37.440 -> 01:04:39.680] That Maxwell Maltz is it?
[01:04:39.680 -> 01:04:43.800] Yeah. And what I said to you earlier, How to Win Friends and Influence People.
[01:04:43.800 -> 01:04:46.160] And your one final message to the people listening to this,
[01:04:46.160 -> 01:04:48.560] and it may well be that they're struggling like you used to,
[01:04:48.560 -> 01:04:50.800] it may well be that they're wannabe entrepreneurs
[01:04:50.800 -> 01:04:54.080] or they might already be running successful businesses.
[01:04:54.080 -> 01:04:57.040] What one golden rule would you like to leave our listeners with
[01:04:57.040 -> 01:04:59.520] for living their own version of high performance?
[01:04:59.520 -> 01:05:02.480] Don't seek validation from anyone else.
[01:05:02.480 -> 01:05:04.400] And even though you're listening to these podcasts,
[01:05:04.400 -> 01:05:06.420] I listen to podcasts all the time.
[01:05:06.420 -> 01:05:08.200] Someone's story is not the same as your own.
[01:05:08.200 -> 01:05:10.200] And just because someone lives a certain way
[01:05:10.200 -> 01:05:13.040] does not mean that that's gonna work for you as well.
[01:05:13.040 -> 01:05:14.520] 100%.
[01:05:14.520 -> 01:05:15.360] Amazing.
[01:05:15.360 -> 01:05:21.160] Don't forget, if you want to hear more from this guest,
[01:05:21.160 -> 01:05:22.680] then all you need to do is subscribe
[01:05:22.680 -> 01:05:28.960] to our premium service, High Performance Plus, and you can hear what was said when the mics kept on rolling.
[01:05:28.960 -> 01:05:29.960] Damien.
[01:05:29.960 -> 01:05:30.960] Jake.
[01:05:30.960 -> 01:05:36.840] I thought that Courtney was such an impressive person who's done so much, and I think a conversation
[01:05:36.840 -> 01:05:41.920] like that is a really good reminder for people listening to this that nothing comes for free.
[01:05:41.920 -> 01:05:45.960] You know, if you're going to achieve great things, then often there is a flip side to Nid yw'n dod ar gyfrif. Os ydych chi'n mynd i ddarparu pethau da, yna ychydig yn aml yw'r le arall.
[01:05:46.120 -> 01:05:48.640] Yn ei fath, mae'n eich personaliad addictiwg
[01:05:48.800 -> 01:05:52.080] ac y gall ddangos ei hunain o ran ymdrech arwain.
[01:05:52.240 -> 01:05:54.560] Ond y gall ddangos ei hunain o ran
[01:05:54.720 -> 01:05:57.600] fod yn ymddangos o gael effaith ar gyfer pobl eraill
[01:05:57.760 -> 01:06:00.040] a'i drifo'r busnes.
[01:06:00.200 -> 01:06:02.160] Rydyn ni'n ymdrech ar gyfer y byd.
[01:06:02.320 -> 01:06:04.240] Os oes gen i'r amgylchedd, mae'n negatif.
[01:06:04.400 -> 01:06:05.000] Ond y gall ymdre ni'n ei ddod yn fwy iawn yn y byd honno, fod os oes gen i unrhyw ddiddordeb, yw'n negatif.
[01:06:05.000 -> 01:06:08.000] Ond rwy'n credu bod ddiddordeb yn gallu bod yn ddefnyddiol
[01:06:08.000 -> 01:06:11.000] fel y gall ei fod ar amserau yn ymdrech.
[01:06:11.000 -> 01:06:12.000] Iawn, yn debyg.
[01:06:12.000 -> 01:06:14.000] Rwy'n credu bod yna astudiaethau ar hyn.
[01:06:14.000 -> 01:06:18.000] Rwy'n cofio i ddysgu un ar gyfer un fyddwch chi'n mynd i mewn i gynhyrchiaeth
[01:06:18.000 -> 01:06:19.000] o ran ddiddordeb,
[01:06:19.000 -> 01:06:22.000] ac roedd yn edrych ar rai o'r perthynasau o ddiddordebwyr
[01:06:22.000 -> 01:06:24.000] sy'n ymdrech i'r CEOs,
[01:06:24.000 -> 01:06:26.720] o ran bod angen i chi ddiddordebwyrweidiwrau droed yn ymdrechol i'r CEOs, o ran bod angen iddo ddifrifo'ch marciau,
[01:06:26.720 -> 01:06:29.160] angen iddo fod yn ymdrechol yn y gynlluniau'r dynol
[01:06:29.160 -> 01:06:30.880] a phethau fel hynny.
[01:06:30.880 -> 01:06:33.520] Ac rwy'n meddwl ei fod yn ddiddorol
[01:06:33.520 -> 01:06:34.240] o ran y gwnawn i,
[01:06:34.240 -> 01:06:36.080] ond mae'r pwynt y maen nhw'n ei wneud yw
[01:06:36.080 -> 01:06:38.960] bod cymdeithas yn ymwneud â un fel ddraweidiwr
[01:06:38.960 -> 01:06:40.560] a pheth fel flynyddoedd.
[01:06:40.560 -> 01:06:42.000] Ac rwy'n meddwl mai dyma'r syniad
[01:06:42.000 -> 01:06:45.720] y mae angen i ni ddod allan o'i binari, mae'n dda neu'n dda. Rwy'n credu fel y dweud, And I suppose it's this idea that we need to get away from it's binary, it's good or
[01:06:45.720 -> 01:06:46.720] bad.
[01:06:46.720 -> 01:06:50.720] I think like you say, in the dignity of personality, it can be good in some contexts, but bad in
[01:06:50.720 -> 01:06:51.720] another.
[01:06:51.720 -> 01:06:56.160] And we need to understand the contact to be able to harness it to our advantage.
[01:06:56.160 -> 01:07:01.240] Because actually, if you look at what she's done, the impact that she's had, it's all
[01:07:01.240 -> 01:07:02.760] about connection.
[01:07:02.760 -> 01:07:05.260] It's about connecting to people who need someone
[01:07:05.260 -> 01:07:10.260] to help them and guide them and drive them through. And I really, I'm, I'm like positive
[01:07:10.260 -> 01:07:14.780] about the world because there are people like Courtney just laying it bare, telling it how
[01:07:14.780 -> 01:07:17.740] it is and being really vulnerable for the benefit of others.
[01:07:17.740 -> 01:07:19.900] Toby Vallier Yeah. I think that was a big thing that I
[01:07:19.900 -> 01:07:26.480] took away from it, Jake, about the fact that it was only when she chose to be authentic has that
[01:07:27.120 -> 01:07:33.520] connection increased with her members of that subscribe to her app and that suddenly her
[01:07:33.520 -> 01:07:38.800] business has taken a quantum leap forward. And I think for any of us listening to this,
[01:07:39.440 -> 01:07:43.040] we might not be running a business, we might not have an app, but the point is we can all be
[01:07:43.040 -> 01:07:47.960] authentic, we can all recognize when we're wearing a mask, we're trying to present an image to
[01:07:47.960 -> 01:07:53.960] the world that isn't who we really are. And I think to stop and ask ourselves those questions,
[01:07:53.960 -> 01:07:59.720] is this really the person that I want to, I want others to identify with, that then
[01:07:59.720 -> 01:08:02.280] allows us to live a life of authenticity.
[01:08:02.280 -> 01:08:03.680] I enjoyed it.
[01:08:03.680 -> 01:08:05.360] No, I did too, it was a pleasure.
[01:08:07.760 -> 01:08:12.320] Now look, we know that these high achieving, world famous individuals that we often speak to
[01:08:12.320 -> 01:08:16.880] have got a great lesson or a great journey or a great story to tell, but we also know that so
[01:08:16.880 -> 01:08:22.160] have you. And we also know that your story is just as valuable as theirs. So every week on the High
[01:08:22.160 -> 01:08:25.520] Performance Podcast, we like to bring you into the conversation
[01:08:25.520 -> 01:08:27.680] and hear from a high performance listener.
[01:08:27.680 -> 01:08:29.360] So let's do that right now.
[01:08:29.360 -> 01:08:31.240] It's an absolute pleasure to welcome Alex
[01:08:31.240 -> 01:08:32.080] to High Performance.
[01:08:32.080 -> 01:08:33.040] Hey Alex, how are you?
[01:08:33.040 -> 01:08:33.880] Yeah, not too bad.
[01:08:33.880 -> 01:08:36.200] Thanks for having me on, really appreciate it.
[01:08:36.200 -> 01:08:37.220] Mate, it's a pleasure.
[01:08:37.220 -> 01:08:38.820] So you put something on LinkedIn recently
[01:08:38.820 -> 01:08:40.840] where you spoke about the High Performance Podcast
[01:08:40.840 -> 01:08:42.420] being an outlet for you.
[01:08:42.420 -> 01:08:45.460] Would you mind sharing with people listening to this,
[01:08:45.460 -> 01:08:47.720] your story, and then we'll talk about
[01:08:47.720 -> 01:08:49.020] what the podcast did for you.
[01:08:49.020 -> 01:08:50.700] Yeah, no worries.
[01:08:50.700 -> 01:08:55.700] So 2019 was the year I started my undergraduate degree
[01:08:55.760 -> 01:08:57.800] in education studies.
[01:08:57.800 -> 01:09:02.300] And before starting uni, I lost my dad to suicide.
[01:09:02.300 -> 01:09:05.600] And so, you know, that was like just a crazy period in my life.
[01:09:05.600 -> 01:09:09.920] I didn't sort of know whether I was coming or going, basically. I knew I had to be headstrong.
[01:09:09.920 -> 01:09:15.120] So I knew my long term goal was to be a primary school teacher. And that's still the goal.
[01:09:15.680 -> 01:09:24.240] And then so six months into my degree, my mum died of bowel cancer. And so that was in January 2020.
[01:09:24.240 -> 01:09:25.480] And there was times, you know,
[01:09:25.480 -> 01:09:27.200] where we're in the hospice, my sister and I,
[01:09:27.200 -> 01:09:29.320] and I was still working on my uni assignments
[01:09:29.320 -> 01:09:31.080] and cracking them with my uni work.
[01:09:31.080 -> 01:09:32.120] And I remember saying to my mum,
[01:09:32.120 -> 01:09:34.080] like, I don't think I can do this anymore, mum.
[01:09:34.080 -> 01:09:36.280] You know, I just want to sack it all off.
[01:09:36.280 -> 01:09:39.080] And, you know, I just want to make sure that you're okay.
[01:09:39.080 -> 01:09:41.760] And she was like, Alex, you know, you've signed up for this.
[01:09:41.760 -> 01:09:43.200] You've got to keep going.
[01:09:43.200 -> 01:09:46.880] She'd always say to me, you know, you're going to sink or swim,
[01:09:46.880 -> 01:09:49.240] and she said, but I know you're going to keep on swimming.
[01:09:49.240 -> 01:09:51.600] And that's something that sort of resonated with me,
[01:09:51.600 -> 01:09:52.880] and stayed with me throughout.
[01:09:52.880 -> 01:09:57.760] And then, yeah, so this year I graduated from uni with a first class degree
[01:09:57.760 -> 01:09:59.320] in education studies.
[01:09:59.320 -> 01:10:03.320] And yeah, I sort of look back and listen to what my mum and dad,
[01:10:03.320 -> 01:10:06.520] you know, sort of like taught me and said to me and what you
[01:10:06.520 -> 01:10:10.000] guys, you know, and the guests that you, you've had on and what
[01:10:10.000 -> 01:10:12.760] you guys stand for. And that's what got me through. And, you
[01:10:12.760 -> 01:10:14.600] know, sort of like, here I am. Yeah.
[01:10:14.960 -> 01:10:17.440] Amazing. Well, look, congratulations for being where
[01:10:17.440 -> 01:10:20.080] you are. Congratulations on getting that first class degree.
[01:10:20.280 -> 01:10:22.120] But you know, first of all, on behalf of everyone on the
[01:10:22.120 -> 01:10:24.760] podcast, everyone listening to this, the whole team, you know,
[01:10:24.760 -> 01:10:30.040] my condolences, I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through, you know, losing your mum is is awful
[01:10:31.180 -> 01:10:33.920] Losing your dad to suicide is a particularly difficult thing, you know
[01:10:33.920 -> 01:10:37.680] We've had that experience in my family as well, and I don't know about you, but one of the really big
[01:10:38.920 -> 01:10:40.920] Emotions it always brings up in me is you just think
[01:10:41.360 -> 01:10:42.840] Like was I not good enough?
[01:10:42.840 -> 01:10:46.560] Like it was it was I not enough of a reason for you to stick around?
[01:10:46.560 -> 01:10:48.960] And I think, you know, for people listening to this,
[01:10:48.960 -> 01:10:51.200] it would be really helpful for you to,
[01:10:51.200 -> 01:10:53.120] maybe if you can share with us how you managed
[01:10:53.120 -> 01:10:54.920] to resolve that in your own head.
[01:10:54.920 -> 01:10:57.320] Yeah, it's just like what you've just said as well,
[01:10:57.320 -> 01:11:00.220] you know, it's sort of like, is it, am I not good enough?
[01:11:00.220 -> 01:11:01.960] Is my, you know, my sister not good enough?
[01:11:01.960 -> 01:11:06.600] But also, it's going back to like Ryan Holiday's episode,
[01:11:06.600 -> 01:11:10.400] like the Stoics and what he, what he spoke about,
[01:11:10.400 -> 01:11:11.600] you know, sort of like what you can
[01:11:11.600 -> 01:11:14.260] and you can't control around you.
[01:11:14.260 -> 01:11:16.680] I think, you know, when, when someone is in, you know,
[01:11:16.680 -> 01:11:19.900] that mental state, you can't sometimes
[01:11:19.900 -> 01:11:22.280] necessarily control that.
[01:11:22.280 -> 01:11:23.760] You can have an influence on that,
[01:11:23.760 -> 01:11:26.240] but you can't always control it.
[01:11:26.240 -> 01:11:29.680] And it's then just as well coming off of that,
[01:11:29.680 -> 01:11:32.800] realizing that communication and reaching out
[01:11:32.800 -> 01:11:36.300] and speaking to people, it's so powerful.
[01:11:36.300 -> 01:11:38.880] And, you know, knowing that if dad done that,
[01:11:38.880 -> 01:11:40.840] and, you know, the situation might have been
[01:11:40.840 -> 01:11:42.240] totally different.
[01:11:42.240 -> 01:11:43.060] Yeah. You know what?
[01:11:43.060 -> 01:11:44.600] I feel good for the future of our nation.
[01:11:44.600 -> 01:11:45.760] If it's people like you, mate,
[01:11:45.760 -> 01:11:47.400] that are gonna be standing in front of them.
[01:11:47.400 -> 01:11:49.200] No, I appreciate that, thank you.
[01:11:49.200 -> 01:11:51.480] You know, I know that you've got your three non-negotiables
[01:11:51.480 -> 01:11:54.760] of empathy, humility, and resilience.
[01:11:54.760 -> 01:11:58.100] There is no question that you demonstrate all of those
[01:11:58.100 -> 01:11:59.240] in this conversation with us,
[01:11:59.240 -> 01:12:01.680] and no doubt draw on those every single day.
[01:12:02.560 -> 01:12:05.000] What a fantastic conversation,
[01:12:05.000 -> 01:12:07.680] really, really special for a lot of people I know.
[01:12:07.680 -> 01:12:10.480] We always ask this to our visitors or our guests
[01:12:10.480 -> 01:12:12.140] at the end of each high-performance episode.
[01:12:12.140 -> 01:12:13.260] I'd love to know this from you
[01:12:13.260 -> 01:12:14.960] after everything you've been through.
[01:12:14.960 -> 01:12:16.480] What would you leave people to think about?
[01:12:16.480 -> 01:12:19.560] What would you leave as your one golden rule
[01:12:19.560 -> 01:12:21.760] for living a high-performance life?
[01:12:21.760 -> 01:12:23.600] What you can control,
[01:12:23.600 -> 01:12:26.100] make sure you control it to the best of your ability,
[01:12:26.100 -> 01:12:29.020] whatever that is, and just don't give up.
[01:12:29.020 -> 01:12:31.740] Mate, listen, so much love to you.
[01:12:31.740 -> 01:12:33.140] So sorry for everything that's happened,
[01:12:33.140 -> 01:12:34.820] but what a powerful and strong person you are
[01:12:34.820 -> 01:12:36.640] to sit here and talk about it in the way you have.
[01:12:36.640 -> 01:12:38.380] Take care, lots of love, man.
[01:12:38.380 -> 01:12:40.580] Andrew, thank you so much, have a good one.
[01:12:41.700 -> 01:12:42.820] Well, there we go then.
[01:12:42.820 -> 01:12:47.280] That's it, the first episode of 2023 has been and gone. It starts
[01:12:47.280 -> 01:12:50.480] now, doesn't it? I really hope that you're full of good intentions. I hope you've got
[01:12:50.480 -> 01:12:54.960] some great New Year's resolutions. I hope that you've got some great plans, but I also
[01:12:54.960 -> 01:13:00.720] hope that you understand that it's not a linear path. Success is compound. Okay. It takes
[01:13:00.720 -> 01:13:06.160] time. It takes consistency. It takes effort, and sometimes it also takes struggle.
[01:13:06.160 -> 01:13:10.000] But I would love you to stick with us. I'd also love you to share this podcast with as many people
[01:13:10.000 -> 01:13:13.840] as possible. If you want more from us, High Performance Lessons from the Best on Becoming
[01:13:13.840 -> 01:13:19.280] Your Best is about to be released in paperback on the 5th of January. And throughout 2023,
[01:13:19.280 -> 01:13:23.760] we're touring the UK. So if you want to come and see us live and get an amazing high performance
[01:13:23.760 -> 01:13:28.560] experience, I think there are some tickets still available, so get involved there and come and join us.
[01:13:29.200 -> 01:13:34.160] But remember, there is no secret, it is all there for you, so chase world-class basics,
[01:13:34.160 -> None] don't get high on your own supply, remain humble, curious and empathetic, and have an incredible 2023. you