E166B - Alfie Boe: The power of knowing it’ll be alright

This is Part Two of our podcast with Alfie Boe and Michael Ball where Jake and Damian talk to Alfie alone. This conversation is a deep exploration into Alfie’s mental health struggles, his time in rehab and the loss of his father. 

In Part One (go listen now on link below) Michael and Alfie delve into how to handle rejection, the benefits and challenges of working in a team and how to master your craft. They guys discuss their childhoods, their fight for success and their struggle with loneliness. The conversations are very different so we split them up this week, but both have amazing and useful takeaways that you can apply to your own life.

You can listen to Part One here: Apple - https://bit.ly/3PhMG8i, Spotify - https://bit.ly/3Hsfmtr

Alfie and Michael have been recording music together since 2016, their most recent record ‘Together in Vegas’ is their sixth studio album. 

Trigger Warning: Themes of suicide are in this episode.

 - - - - 

We have added new dates to our live tour! Tickets are available now at: https://www.thehighperformancepodcast.com/live2023 

OUT NOW! The High Performance Daily Journal - 365 ways to become your best! smarturl.it/HPJournal

Want even more from High Performance? Get ad-free episodes and bonus content every Wednesday. Sign up on Apple Podcasts apple.co/highperformance or Supercast https://highperformanceplus.supercast.com/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

# Alfie Boe on the High Performance Podcast: Embracing Vulnerability and Overcoming Life's Challenges

---

In this episode of the High Performance Podcast, host Jake Humphrey and Professor Damian Hughes engage in a deeply personal conversation with the renowned singer, Alfie Boe. After Michael Ball's departure from the interview, the discussion delves into Alfie's struggles with mental health, his time in rehab, and the profound loss of his father.

## Key Insights:

- **The Power of Vulnerability:** Alfie emphasizes the importance of being open and honest about one's emotions and experiences. He believes that suppressing or ignoring issues can lead to detrimental consequences. By acknowledging and addressing problems, individuals can find strength and support to overcome challenges.

- **Self-Love and Self-Acceptance:** Alfie acknowledges the difficulty of self-love, especially when faced with external pressures and expectations. He stresses the need to focus on one's own well-being and to recognize personal strengths and weaknesses. By embracing self-acceptance, individuals can cultivate inner peace and resilience.

- **The Value of Support Systems:** Alfie highlights the significance of having supportive individuals in one's life. He expresses gratitude for the people who have stood by him during difficult times, offering encouragement and guidance. Strong support systems can provide a sense of belonging and help individuals navigate life's challenges.

- **Learning from Mistakes and Trauma:** Alfie reflects on the lessons he has learned from his past experiences, including his struggles with mental health and the loss of his father. He emphasizes the importance of embracing mistakes and trauma as opportunities for growth and development. By acknowledging and learning from these experiences, individuals can emerge stronger and more resilient.

- **Finding Happiness Amidst Challenges:** Despite the hardships he has faced, Alfie expresses a sense of happiness and contentment. He finds joy in his relationships with his children and in the ability to use his platform to potentially help others. Alfie's resilience and positive outlook serve as an inspiration to those facing similar challenges.

## Memorable Quotes:

- "I think it's important to point out at this point that there are themes of suicide in today's episode of the High Performance Podcast." - Jake Humphrey

- "I've learned from mistakes, I've learned from my trauma and it was important for me personally. I hope that there are listeners out there that don't have to go through the personal trauma that I've had to go through or those mistakes that I've made but I'm sure that they will have you know the other ways of making mistakes or trauma that they've come across to make them develop in life and to make them become who they are. So I wouldn't change anything." - Alfie Boe

- "I'm happy that I'm here. I'm happy that I can talk about this and not keep brushing under this carpet. I'm happy that I'm not ashamed of it. I'm happy that I can maybe help someone else. Happy I still have my children in my life and that I talk to them several times a day and I'm giving them positivity to get through their lives because that's what life is about for me. It's about you know..." - Alfie Boe

## Overall Message:

Alfie Boe's candid and emotional interview serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of embracing vulnerability, seeking support, and learning from life's challenges. His journey highlights the resilience of the human spirit and the ability to find happiness and fulfillment even in the face of adversity. By sharing his experiences, Alfie inspires others to confront their own struggles with courage and determination.

In the second part of the podcast, Jake Humphrey and Damian Lewis engage in a candid conversation with renowned singer Alfie Boe, delving into his personal struggles with mental health, his time in rehab, and the profound loss of his father.

Boe opens up about the transformative moment when he realized the true meaning of life lies in providing his children with the best opportunities and chances to achieve their goals, mirroring a cycle of love and support that extends across generations.

The discussion shifts to rapid-fire questions, where Boe reveals his non-negotiable behaviors: positivity, love, connection, and respect. He emphasizes the importance of determination and the ability to pull oneself out of moments of worry. When asked about his greatest weakness and strength, Boe acknowledges his tendency to overthink but finds solace in his ability to navigate through those thoughts. He dispels the misconception that he is a grumpy person, highlighting his approachable nature and love for engaging in conversations and listening to others' stories.

Boe's guiding quote, "live for the moment," reflects his philosophy of cherishing every moment as if it were the last. His final message to listeners seeking a high-performance life is to strive for their best and be content with the outcome, recognizing that wherever they land is a testament to their dedication.

The podcast hosts, Humphrey and Lewis, reflect on the contrasting energies brought by Boe and his musical partner, Michael Ball, in the first part of the interview. They acknowledge the value of cognitive diversity and the ability to approach problems from different angles, leading to enhanced performance. They emphasize the importance of respecting individual approaches to dealing with personal struggles, recognizing that sharing publicly may not be suitable for everyone.

The episode concludes with gratitude for Boe's openness and honesty, underscoring the significance of sharing learnings from the podcast and acknowledging that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to achieving high performance. The hosts reiterate the importance of chasing world-class basics, working hard, and avoiding complacency.

[00:00.000 -> 00:06.520] Hi there, I'm Jay Comfrey and this is High Performance, the podcast that reminds you
[00:06.520 -> 00:07.720] that it's within.
[00:07.720 -> 00:11.040] Your ambition, your purpose, your story, it's all there.
[00:11.040 -> 00:15.880] We just help unlock it by turning the lived experiences of the planet's highest performers
[00:15.880 -> 00:17.360] into your life lessons.
[00:17.360 -> 00:23.540] And today myself and Professor Damian Hughes are going to speak to two incredible performers.
[00:23.540 -> 00:27.480] So we recorded this episode with Michael Ball and Alfie Boe, but halfway through
[00:27.480 -> 00:32.200] Michael had to leave and the conversation moved into such an interesting and
[00:32.520 -> 00:36.800] fascinating and personal direction that we've actually decided to release this
[00:36.800 -> 00:38.880] podcast as two separate episodes.
[00:39.240 -> 00:42.800] If you haven't already listened to Michael's episode alongside Alfie, it's
[00:42.800 -> 00:48.840] available now, and I would recommend listening to that before you get to this one for a flavor of how these two very different
[00:48.840 -> 00:54.880] characters have become such successful collaborators. But then this is what happened after Michael
[00:54.880 -> 00:57.480] left and we spoke to Alfie.
[00:57.480 -> 01:06.560] Now I've learned from mistakes. I've learned from my trauma and it was important for me personally I
[01:06.560 -> 01:12.160] hope that there are listeners out there that don't have to go through the
[01:12.160 -> 01:15.680] personal trauma that I've had to go through or those mistakes that I've
[01:15.680 -> 01:19.920] made but I'm sure that they will have you know the other ways of making
[01:19.920 -> 01:24.280] mistakes or trauma that they've that they come across to make them develop in
[01:24.280 -> 01:28.160] life and make them become who they are so I wouldn't change anything.
[01:28.160 -> 01:34.560] I think it's it's important to point out at this point that there are themes of
[01:34.560 -> 01:41.080] suicide in today's episode of the High Performance Podcast and I can't thank
[01:41.080 -> 01:47.800] Alfie enough for sticking around and having a really deep conversation with us about the struggles that he's been undergoing recently.
[01:47.800 -> 01:55.600] You know, I had no idea. I thought I knew from reading the press and doing my prep for this interview what Alfie Bowe has been through and the challenges that have been in front of him.
[01:55.600 -> 01:59.600] But to really hear him speaking the way he did was incredibly moving.
[01:59.600 -> 02:06.980] So I can't thank Michael and Alfie enough for the honesty and the openness for joining us on the high performance podcast
[02:06.980 -> 02:11.360] But you know Alfie particularly for going to places that I think a lot of people
[02:12.000 -> 02:15.760] Are still not prepared to go to but I really hope that by having this conversation
[02:16.180 -> 02:23.740] It can be really helpful for those of you who might be struggling. So let's get to it then Alfie Boe on the high performance podcast
[02:21.280 -> 02:24.200] So let's get to it then. Alfie Boe on the High Performance Podcast.
[02:29.200 -> 02:31.480] As a person with a very deep voice,
[02:31.480 -> 02:34.480] I'm hired all the time for advertising campaigns.
[02:34.480 -> 02:36.720] But a deep voice doesn't sell B2B
[02:36.720 -> 02:38.440] and advertising on the wrong platform
[02:38.440 -> 02:40.160] doesn't sell B2B either.
[02:40.160 -> 02:42.040] That's why if you're a B2B marketer,
[02:42.040 -> 02:43.960] you should use LinkedIn ads.
[02:43.960 -> 02:49.040] LinkedIn has the targeting capabilities to help you reach the world's largest professional audience.
[02:49.040 -> 02:53.160] That's right, over 70 million decision makers all in one place.
[02:53.160 -> 02:58.880] All the bigwigs, then mediumwigs, also smallwigs who are on the path to becoming bigwigs.
[02:58.880 -> 03:00.440] Okay, that's enough about wigs.
[03:00.440 -> 03:05.000] LinkedIn ads allows you to focus on getting your B2B message to the right people.
[03:05.000 -> 03:12.000] So, does that mean you should use ads on LinkedIn instead of hiring me, the man with the deepest voice in the world?
[03:12.000 -> 03:14.000] Yes. Yes, it does.
[03:14.000 -> 03:18.000] Get started today and see why LinkedIn is the place to be, to be.
[03:18.000 -> 03:21.000] We'll even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign.
[03:21.000 -> 03:24.000] Go to LinkedIn.com slash results to claim your credit.
[03:24.000 -> 03:25.080] That's LinkedIn.com slash results to claim your credit. That's
[03:25.080 -> 03:29.040] linkedin.com slash results. Terms and conditions apply.
[03:29.040 -> 03:35.600] On our podcast, we love to highlight businesses that are doing things a better way so you
[03:35.600 -> 03:40.880] can live a better life. And that's why when I found Mint Mobile, I had to share. So Mint
[03:40.880 -> 03:49.240] Mobile ditched retail stores and all those overhead costs and instead sells their phone plans online and passes those savings to you. And for a
[03:49.240 -> 03:52.840] limited time they're passing on even more savings with a new customer offer
[03:52.840 -> 03:58.160] that cuts all Mint Mobile plans to $15 a month when you purchase a three-month
[03:58.160 -> 04:05.000] plan. That's unlimited talk, text and data for $15 a month.
[04:05.240 -> 04:09.000] And by the way, the quality of Mint Mobile's wireless service
[04:09.000 -> 04:11.880] in comparison to providers that we've worked with before
[04:11.880 -> 04:12.960] is incredible.
[04:12.960 -> 04:15.360] Mint Mobile is here to rescue you
[04:15.360 -> 04:18.240] with premium wireless plans for 15 bucks a month.
[04:18.240 -> 04:21.000] So say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans,
[04:21.000 -> 04:22.720] those jaw-dropping monthly bills,
[04:22.720 -> 04:24.640] those unexpected overages,
[04:24.640 -> 04:29.040] because all the plans come with unlimited talk and text and high-speed data delivered on the
[04:29.040 -> 04:34.760] nation's largest 5G network. Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan. Bring your
[04:34.760 -> 04:37.860] phone number along with all your existing contacts.
[04:37.860 -> 04:42.480] So ditch overpriced wireless with Mint Mobile's limited time deal and get premium wireless
[04:42.480 -> 04:45.560] service for just $15 a month. To get
[04:45.560 -> 04:50.300] this new customer offer and your new 3 month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks
[04:50.300 -> 05:00.300] a month go to mintmobile.com.hpp. That's mintmobile.com.hpp. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at
[05:00.300 -> 05:07.520] mintmobile.com.hpp. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details.
[05:12.400 -> 05:14.160] So Michael's gone, we're left with the talented one.
[05:16.240 -> 05:19.760] Interestingly he walks out and you go, ah now you get the miserable bastard.
[05:19.760 -> 05:20.240] Yeah.
[05:20.240 -> 05:24.800] It's very interesting, you know, watching the two of you next to each other, just how
[05:25.560 -> 05:28.600] different your approach is, even to an interview like this is, you know?
[05:28.600 -> 05:33.760] Yeah, I suppose it, well, we are two different people.
[05:33.760 -> 05:40.040] Does his optimism and energy give you something that maybe you know you don't bring all the
[05:40.040 -> 05:41.040] time?
[05:41.040 -> 05:45.480] I'd probably say I think we're positive in very different ways, you know.
[05:45.480 -> 05:53.520] I love the way he does it but I know Michael a lot, I know him well and he
[05:53.520 -> 05:57.600] said that he's old-school and a lot of it is sort of like upfront and you
[05:57.600 -> 06:03.080] know and he shuts off a lot and there's a lot about Michael that I know
[06:03.080 -> 06:06.960] that he's
[06:03.880 -> 06:08.640] sometimes struggling inside and that's
[06:06.960 -> 06:10.520] where I can help him and it's the
[06:08.640 -> 06:13.120] vice versa because I don't have that
[06:10.520 -> 06:15.720] bubbly thing, I do go into my own little
[06:13.120 -> 06:17.960] world sometimes and I shut off and he
[06:15.720 -> 06:19.800] recognizes that and he'll come and support
[06:17.960 -> 06:22.480] me. So we have different ways of
[06:19.800 -> 06:24.360] expressing what's going on for us, you
[06:22.480 -> 06:26.800] know, or how or trying to hide our
[06:24.360 -> 06:33.440] emotions. It's interesting what works for people though, isn't it? Because it, you know, it's clear that the Michael Ball that we just had on our podcast was
[06:35.360 -> 06:39.080] quite a lot of the Michael Ball we just saw was the Michael Ball the performer. Yeah.
[06:39.080 -> 06:43.680] Yeah. At the same time you're sitting next to him and I feel like you're totally like
[06:44.280 -> 06:48.600] exposing yourself actually and I don't think there is that you don't seem to have that
[06:48.600 -> 06:52.400] facade is that fair? Yeah yeah I'd agree with that I'd agree with that I don't
[06:52.400 -> 06:59.200] think I can hide yeah I'm probably more I don't want to say more honest with my
[06:59.200 -> 07:07.640] emotions but I express them probably more I get I what I mean, I show how I feel, I put that a bit more out
[07:07.640 -> 07:09.280] there I suppose than Michael would.
[07:09.280 -> 07:10.920] What does that do for you?
[07:10.920 -> 07:17.960] I think it just in a way gives me drive, I think. Knowing that somebody understands how
[07:17.960 -> 07:23.960] I'm actually feeling, I'm not hiding anything, I'm not sort of beating about the bush, I'm
[07:23.960 -> 07:25.280] just saying this is how I feel, it's bothering me, I don't want to be bothered by it, I want anything. I'm not sort of beating about
[07:22.560 -> 07:28.760] the bush. I'm just saying this is how I
[07:25.280 -> 07:30.680] feel, it's bothering me, I don't want to
[07:28.760 -> 07:33.120] be bothered by it, I want to get over it, I
[07:30.680 -> 07:35.840] want to deal with it and move on. I
[07:33.120 -> 07:37.720] don't like brushing things under the
[07:35.840 -> 07:40.200] carpet, I have to sort of put them out on
[07:37.720 -> 07:42.320] the table and speak about them. I'm not
[07:40.200 -> 07:44.920] saying Michael doesn't do that but I am
[07:42.320 -> 07:47.400] more properly open about it than he is.
[07:44.920 -> 07:45.920] I was interested when we were talking I'm not saying Michael doesn't do that, but I am more properly open about it than he is.
[07:45.920 -> 07:49.960] I was interested when we were talking about the partnership in terms of you were one of
[07:49.960 -> 07:58.000] nine children and I've never met anyone that has been part of such a big family like that.
[07:58.000 -> 08:03.920] How much of learning to compromise, learning to express emotions did you learn as a child?
[08:03.920 -> 08:06.760] Well, I did come from a very loving
[08:06.760 -> 08:12.080] family, you know my parents were beautiful to all of us you know, but when
[08:12.080 -> 08:17.900] Michael was saying about his family and it was like the the youngest of the
[08:17.900 -> 08:22.720] second child and wanting to vie for attention and be the knowledge for
[08:22.720 -> 08:28.640] things, when you're the youngest of nine, by the time they get to nine,
[08:28.640 -> 08:33.580] you're left to your own devices a lot. You know, you'll sort of open the back door, go in the
[08:33.580 -> 08:38.360] garden, come in when your tea's ready, you know, that sort of thing. So you do spend a lot of time
[08:38.360 -> 08:47.240] on your own thinking and on your own sort of like getting through your own day. Um, it's just a different upbringing.
[08:47.240 -> 08:48.520] It's just a different format.
[08:48.740 -> 08:54.480] Um, and so I suppose that stayed with me for most of my life is that I do spend a
[08:54.480 -> 09:01.240] lot of time on my own now, you know, and I can be by myself and I do, I do think a
[09:01.240 -> 09:06.000] lot, I do sort of go into my own little tunnel and my own little world and I do think a lot.
[09:06.000 -> 09:12.000] And that's when you need someone like Michael to come and drag you out and say, come on, let's get the energy up.
[09:12.000 -> 09:17.000] But again, when I'm about to walk on stage or before I'm about to go on stage,
[09:17.000 -> 09:26.320] Michael is getting buzzy and he's doing his routine. I'm trying to be as calm and as cool as possible about it. So that's, again, two different
[09:26.320 -> 09:34.560] ways of handling it. And I think it all probably does come from childhood. I was sort of in
[09:34.560 -> 09:40.280] a place as a kid where you sometimes don't have time to show your emotions or to express
[09:40.280 -> 09:46.460] them, you know, and so that can be quite tricky later on in life, I suppose.
[09:46.460 -> 09:49.980] Toby Let's talk about that then. I wonder whether you're kind enough to yourself,
[09:49.980 -> 09:53.460] because I know that you were only in your 20s, right, when you lost your father.
[09:53.460 -> 09:59.140] And I think all of us love the idea of our parents seeing us mature and
[09:59.140 -> 10:02.540] become like the real us, you know. I think that the... how old are you?
[10:02.540 -> 10:05.280] I'm 50 next year, I'm 49 now.
[10:05.280 -> 10:09.360] So all three of us are sitting having this conversation in our 40s, hope, I think I speak
[10:09.360 -> 10:13.840] for all of us when I say that none of us have ever been closer to being the real us, right?
[10:13.840 -> 10:17.200] You go through the challenges in your 20s and 30s and then finally you realize like,
[10:17.200 -> 10:22.880] I'm just gonna be me. I wonder whether you have any regrets that the young man that your dad saw,
[10:23.760 -> 10:27.040] it's very different to the man in front of us today.
[10:27.040 -> 10:28.400] I say that all the time.
[10:28.400 -> 10:29.640] You know, when I talk about my dad,
[10:29.640 -> 10:34.640] I say I feel sad the fact that he didn't see me as a father.
[10:35.120 -> 10:37.760] He didn't see me as somebody's husband.
[10:37.760 -> 10:40.520] You know, he never met my kids.
[10:40.520 -> 10:42.240] I never saw him with my kids.
[10:42.240 -> 10:46.880] And I was always, and it's funny that I focus on that rather
[10:46.880 -> 10:52.920] than him seeing me on stage, you know, because what I do on stage, like I said at the start
[10:52.920 -> 10:56.720] of this is that that's my job, so I just do my job.
[10:56.720 -> 11:00.520] And again, I love it, but that's what I was born to do.
[11:00.520 -> 11:07.040] And but as a kid, as a teenager, the years that I did spend with my dad, I wish I'd been better.
[11:07.040 -> 11:14.240] I wish I'd realized then that life is short and that if I'd known my dad was going to die at the age of 63,
[11:14.240 -> 11:22.640] I probably would have had more patience and not been this cocky teenager that thinks he knows it all.
[11:22.640 -> 11:29.080] You know, I'm still learning now, you know, but back then you think you know everything about the world and yeah
[11:29.080 -> 11:32.660] I would have loved him to have been in my life now so he can see
[11:33.360 -> 11:36.560] Not so I can see anything. I just would love to him to have been in my life
[11:37.340 -> 11:39.340] You know, I'm missing like crazy
[11:39.860 -> 11:41.940] So when you think he'd had not that health
[11:41.940 -> 11:45.920] What what the kind of messages or pearls of wisdom that
[11:45.920 -> 11:51.040] he passed on to you at that young age that you pass on to your children?
[11:51.040 -> 12:01.560] He was always one for positivity, you know, like Michael said at the end of his little
[12:01.560 -> 12:07.880] interview here, he was just saying that this shall pass, this soon shall pass.
[12:07.880 -> 12:09.560] My dad had a different way of saying it.
[12:09.560 -> 12:13.120] He used to just say like, it'll all be all right, son.
[12:13.120 -> 12:14.720] You know, it'll all be all right.
[12:15.560 -> 12:19.640] And that was, so I've lived by that.
[12:19.640 -> 12:21.360] You know, I've always said to everyone else
[12:21.360 -> 12:25.240] that seems to be going down a difficult path in life, I've always said to them else that seems to be going down a difficult path in life,
[12:25.240 -> 12:28.360] I've always said to them, it'll all be okay.
[12:28.360 -> 12:29.360] We'll get through it.
[12:29.360 -> 12:30.360] It'll be all right.
[12:30.360 -> 12:35.360] I go on stage and the minute, just before I walk on stage, I say to my dad, give us
[12:35.360 -> 12:36.360] a hand, dad.
[12:36.360 -> 12:40.120] And he used to say that when he was alive.
[12:40.120 -> 12:42.080] And he'd used to say, yeah, no problem, son.
[12:42.080 -> 12:43.080] I'll help you.
[12:43.080 -> 12:45.040] And he'd used to get my drum kit down from the bedroom
[12:45.040 -> 12:46.280] and put it in the back of his car
[12:46.280 -> 12:49.760] and drive me to my band practice and bring me back.
[12:49.760 -> 12:53.240] And if I was troubled at school
[12:53.240 -> 12:55.480] or there was an issue at school or an issue wherever,
[12:55.480 -> 12:56.760] he'd always say, it'll be all right son,
[12:56.760 -> 12:59.080] leave it with me, it'll be all right.
[12:59.080 -> 13:02.240] And he said, so I go on stage and I say, give us a hand dad.
[13:02.240 -> 13:07.600] And nine out of 10 times, it's all right. stage and I say give us an dad and and
[13:02.720 -> 13:09.240] nine out of ten times it's alright. Thank you
[13:07.600 -> 13:11.480] for sharing that and you know the
[13:09.240 -> 13:13.000] pain of missing him is absolutely clear
[13:11.480 -> 13:15.240] but I think sometimes it's a good reminder
[13:13.000 -> 13:16.640] for people who listen to this and we have
[13:15.240 -> 13:18.920] a lot of people that come to high
[13:16.640 -> 13:21.000] performance because they have a trauma or
[13:18.920 -> 13:23.200] they've lost someone or life is a
[13:21.000 -> 13:24.360] struggle it's that just because someone
[13:23.200 -> 13:25.760] is no longer with us it doesn't mean
[13:24.360 -> 13:27.360] the value they gave us is no longer there. No, that's true, that's
[13:27.360 -> 13:33.640] very true. My dad, I think, left everybody in the family with a real strong element
[13:33.640 -> 13:39.600] of love within us, you know. My brothers and sisters, deep down inside, have a lot
[13:39.600 -> 13:42.880] of love for each other and love for a lot of people, for everyone else in their
[13:42.880 -> 13:50.320] lives. I love my audience, I love my kids, I love my family, I love, you know, you guys for bringing me in today.
[13:50.320 -> 13:55.160] It's great to be here. I'm enjoying this. It's nice to be able to, to be able to speak
[13:55.160 -> 13:59.960] like this. You don't get that much opportunity in our business to be able to open up. So
[13:59.960 -> 14:05.400] a lot of love to you guys for doing this because you're helping so many people. What about loving yourself?
[14:06.280 -> 14:07.520] That's hard.
[14:07.520 -> 14:08.480] That is hard.
[14:09.520 -> 14:12.080] I find that quite difficult
[14:12.080 -> 14:17.080] because I think I have responsibilities.
[14:17.280 -> 14:21.760] And so I've tried to focus on my kids' lives
[14:21.760 -> 14:24.900] and giving them as much love as I possibly can.
[14:25.960 -> 14:30.720] And other people that come into my life I like to embrace them and make them feel
[14:30.720 -> 14:37.080] good. But you know a friend of mine is a big fan of the RuPaul's Drag Race and
[14:37.080 -> 14:43.960] he always ends his TV show by saying if you can't love yourself how the hell
[14:43.960 -> 14:45.040] are you gonna love someone else?
[14:45.040 -> 14:52.480] And it's true, it's absolutely true. So that's why if I'm down or if I've had a
[14:52.480 -> 14:57.520] rejection or something like that I try and find some element of positivity to
[14:57.520 -> 15:01.960] keep myself going, to keep myself on a high. Because I know personally I can
[15:01.960 -> 15:10.160] sink pretty low and I have done in the past. I've sung as low as I'll ever be never gonna go back there. Would you mind just
[15:10.160 -> 15:14.200] sharing with us the lessons from that that period when I'm assuming you're
[15:14.200 -> 15:18.200] talking about when you separated from your wife yeah and you you really
[15:18.200 -> 15:21.680] struggled would you mind not necessarily telling us what happened if you don't
[15:21.680 -> 15:25.400] want to but there may be a value in explaining to people,
[15:25.400 -> 15:27.000] a bit like Michael said, really, everything will pass,
[15:27.000 -> 15:30.900] how hard it got and the tools that you used to emerge.
[15:30.900 -> 15:36.000] It was a real surprising turn of events in my life,
[15:36.000 -> 15:38.400] something I wasn't prepared for,
[15:38.400 -> 15:42.800] something that I wasn't expecting at all,
[15:42.800 -> 15:45.000] and it shocked me to the core.
[15:45.500 -> 15:48.400] It really seriously shook my world,
[15:48.400 -> 15:50.500] shocked me like crazy.
[15:50.500 -> 15:52.740] Every single day that I woke up,
[15:52.740 -> 15:55.660] I was living in fear of what was gonna happen,
[15:55.660 -> 15:57.000] what was gonna be written about me,
[15:57.000 -> 15:59.700] what was gonna be said by friends,
[15:59.700 -> 16:01.260] what people were gonna think of me,
[16:01.260 -> 16:03.980] what accusations I would have got.
[16:03.980 -> 16:05.040] It was just everything
[16:05.040 -> 16:12.520] piling on top and knocking me down to a point where I couldn't cope with that
[16:12.520 -> 16:22.120] pain, that heartache, that pressure, that fear and I wanted to pretty much just
[16:22.120 -> 16:26.000] switch off from it, you know. I wanted to just step away from it, I wanted to pretty much just switch off from it. I wanted to just step away from it.
[16:26.000 -> 16:31.000] I wanted to turn it all off and just close my eyes and just not have anything.
[16:31.000 -> 16:37.000] People say that that's another way of saying you're trying to kill yourself.
[16:37.000 -> 16:39.000] That wasn't my intention.
[16:39.000 -> 16:44.000] My intention was to just step out of my world, step out of myself,
[16:44.000 -> 16:46.840] so I could breathe, so I could try
[16:46.840 -> 16:53.760] and just find that thing that just got me back into the world and into reality
[16:53.760 -> 16:59.840] and into that space of living again and I could deal with it and I could handle
[16:59.840 -> 17:08.080] it and I could move on and and yeah, I did something pretty silly, you know. I don't want to use
[17:08.080 -> 17:16.400] that word silly, but I did something that was pretty drastic, a big measure. And I remember
[17:16.400 -> 17:17.720] being in the hospital.
[17:17.720 -> 17:30.000] What was it you did specifically of? I took some pills to try and sleep and to try and numb myself out and it was a few too
[17:30.000 -> 17:45.000] many and I'm not proud of it but it was my desperation at time to try and recover in a very strange manner,
[17:45.480 -> 17:46.640] in a very strange way.
[17:48.740 -> 17:53.240] And I remember being in hospital
[17:54.840 -> 17:58.560] and having the trauma nurse approach me
[17:58.560 -> 18:01.000] and she did not pull any punches.
[18:01.000 -> 18:05.000] She was stern, angry, no affection, no sympathy.
[18:07.420 -> 18:10.040] And she said to me, this shook me to my core,
[18:10.040 -> 18:15.040] she said to me, if you'd succeeded in doing what you
[18:15.100 -> 18:19.120] intended to do, you would have basically been signing
[18:19.120 -> 18:23.560] the death certificate for one of your children.
[18:23.560 -> 18:28.120] Because statistically, that's what happens.
[18:28.120 -> 18:32.360] Anybody that commits suicide, statistically one of their children will do exactly the
[18:32.360 -> 18:33.360] same.
[18:33.360 -> 18:37.600] So that was like being hit with a crabe in the face.
[18:37.600 -> 18:40.920] It was like, oh my God, what the hell have I done?
[18:40.920 -> 18:49.000] You know, and tears and pain and suffering and shame, guilt, anger, all just started
[18:49.000 -> 18:55.000] flooding like an electric cable, just all this like power just went through me of
[18:55.000 -> 19:02.320] negative energy that then resulted into positivity and into drive and into more
[19:02.320 -> 19:06.000] of a forward-looking, I've got to protect my kids, I've got to
[19:06.000 -> 19:10.480] give them the best life that I possibly can, I've got to do this, I've got to do
[19:10.480 -> 19:14.560] that, I've got to move forward and get out of this shadow that I've been living in.
[19:14.560 -> 19:21.680] And you know I thank that nurse for telling me that and so I used to just
[19:21.680 -> 19:26.180] find anything like I do now, I find anything to keep me
[19:26.180 -> 19:30.760] on that path. And it can be the simplest things like cooking a meal or whatever
[19:30.760 -> 19:35.240] but you know I went to the Alps and I threw myself in a frozen lake and swam
[19:35.240 -> 19:41.420] under ice and jumped off a bridge and did anything to just see the potential
[19:41.420 -> 19:45.840] of what life could be. And I've been lucky, I'm lucky that I've had people
[19:45.840 -> 19:48.960] in my life that have, I went to rehab after that.
[19:48.960 -> 19:53.320] I went to rehab after coming out of hospital.
[19:53.320 -> 19:56.160] There was one guy in there, and he lived for rehab,
[19:56.160 -> 19:59.040] that was his life, he used to just go to rehab,
[19:59.040 -> 20:03.920] get clean, come out, relapse, and then go back in.
[20:03.920 -> 20:07.480] And he said to me, I turned up at rehab and I was
[20:07.480 -> 20:13.800] like every group therapy session I was in tears, you know, you're taking your
[20:13.800 -> 20:17.760] painkillers, you're taking your drugs to sort of numb you out a little bit and
[20:17.760 -> 20:22.160] I'm in tears and I'm thinking my life was this, my life was that, now it's
[20:22.160 -> 20:25.560] here, I'm in a center for rehab
[20:25.560 -> 20:28.680] and it wasn't a posh one, it was a pretty gritty one.
[20:29.880 -> 20:31.800] And he said to me, why are you crying?
[20:31.800 -> 20:34.380] And I said, well, what do you expect?
[20:35.280 -> 20:38.980] Yeah, my wife's left me, I'm out of the home,
[20:38.980 -> 20:42.080] I'm in rehab, I've just done this, I've just done that.
[20:42.080 -> 20:43.440] Why do you think I'm crying?
[20:43.440 -> 20:45.760] He said, well, there's only one way forward.
[20:45.760 -> 20:49.120] He said, you can't stop feeling sorry for yourself
[20:49.120 -> 20:51.800] because nobody's gonna feel sorry for you in here.
[20:51.800 -> 20:53.400] He said, this is about rehabilitation.
[20:53.400 -> 20:55.320] This is about building back up.
[20:55.320 -> 20:56.800] He said, stop crying.
[20:56.800 -> 20:58.200] And he was right.
[20:58.200 -> 21:03.200] And unfortunately, when he left, he relapsed and passed away.
[21:03.720 -> 21:05.560] A lot of people did when they come out of rehab
[21:05.560 -> 21:12.920] and so I'm in a place where I feel lucky that it worked for me the way it did. But
[21:12.920 -> 21:19.380] you know, that was, wow, I didn't know I'd talk about this, but it's quite a time
[21:19.380 -> 21:23.880] looking back, you know, when you're in a facility like that and you open the page
[21:23.880 -> 21:25.640] of a newspaper and you see the fact that you've been given an OBE when you're in a facility like that and you open the page of a newspaper
[21:25.640 -> 21:30.520] and you see the fact that you've been given an OBE and you're in rehab,
[21:30.520 -> 21:38.160] or you open the other page and you see your ex-wife in Ascot with the celebrating and things,
[21:38.160 -> 21:40.920] and you think, wow, and I'm in here.
[21:40.920 -> 21:47.480] It's just how interesting life can be, you know, and how everybody's
[21:47.480 -> 21:52.800] lives are individual and how the journeys are very different and how we all just dip
[21:52.800 -> 21:58.840] into each other's worlds. So yeah, that time period for me was life-changing, it really
[21:58.840 -> 22:07.040] was. And I feel like the fact that I have opened up about it in the past and spoken about it all
[22:07.040 -> 22:12.080] that I can deal with it, like putting your issues out on the table, I can put them out
[22:12.080 -> 22:14.120] there and I can deal with them.
[22:14.120 -> 22:17.760] Keeping them in, it doesn't work for me.
[22:17.760 -> 22:23.840] Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds.
[22:23.840 -> 22:27.840] At Mint Mobile, we like to do the opposite of what Big Wireless does.
[22:27.840 -> 22:30.440] They charge you a lot, we charge you a little.
[22:30.440 -> 22:34.440] So naturally, when they announced they'd be raising their prices due to inflation, we
[22:34.440 -> 22:38.200] decided to deflate our prices due to not hating you.
[22:38.200 -> 22:43.440] That's right, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month.
[22:43.440 -> 22:45.160] Give it a try at MintMobile.com.
[22:45.160 -> 22:46.160] Switch.
[22:46.160 -> 22:48.240] $45 up front for three months plus taxes and fees.
[22:48.240 -> 22:49.600] Promote for new customers for limited time.
[22:49.600 -> 22:50.920] Unlimited more than 40 gigabytes per month.
[22:50.920 -> 22:51.920] Slows.
[22:51.920 -> 22:52.920] Full terms at MintMobile.com.
[22:52.920 -> 22:59.040] On our podcast, we love to highlight businesses that are doing things a better way so you
[22:59.040 -> 23:00.760] can live a better life.
[23:00.760 -> 23:04.080] And that's why when I found Mint Mobile, I had to share.
[23:04.080 -> 23:08.820] So Mint Mobile ditched retail stores and all those overhead costs and instead sells their
[23:08.820 -> 23:13.060] phone plans online and passes those savings to you. And for a limited time
[23:13.060 -> 23:17.020] they're passing on even more savings with a new customer offer that cuts all
[23:17.020 -> 23:22.340] Mint Mobile plans to $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan. That's
[23:22.340 -> 23:28.560] unlimited talk, text and data for $15 a month.
[23:28.560 -> 23:33.520] And by the way, the quality of Mint Mobile's wireless service in comparison to providers
[23:33.520 -> 23:39.280] that we've worked with before is incredible. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with premium
[23:39.280 -> 23:44.240] wireless plans for $15 a month. So say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans,
[23:44.240 -> 23:45.240] those jaw-dropping
[23:45.240 -> 23:49.780] monthly bills, those unexpected overages, because all the plans come with unlimited
[23:49.780 -> 23:55.420] talk and text and high-speed data delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Use your
[23:55.420 -> 24:00.400] own phone with any Mint Mobile plan, bring your phone number along with all your existing
[24:00.400 -> 24:05.120] contacts. So ditch overpriced wireless with Mint Mobile's limited time deal and get
[24:05.120 -> 24:10.400] premium wireless service for just 15 bucks a month. To get this new customer offer and
[24:10.400 -> 24:15.640] your new 3 month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com
[24:15.640 -> 24:27.180] slash HPP. That's mintmobile.com slash HPP. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at MintMobile.com slash HPP. Additional
[24:27.180 -> 24:35.960] taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details.
[24:35.960 -> 24:40.400] Thank you for sharing that. That's really humbling and I appreciate the vulnerability
[24:40.400 -> 24:46.600] of it. For people listening to this that
[24:43.200 -> 24:49.960] maybe have going through something
[24:46.600 -> 24:53.200] similar, what are the kind of red flags
[24:49.960 -> 24:55.800] that you could highlight that, with that,
[24:53.200 -> 24:58.640] before it gets to a situation where you
[24:55.800 -> 25:00.040] considered the action you did, what
[24:58.640 -> 25:13.160] advice would you offer to anyone listening? I think what I stopped doing was recognizing problems,
[25:13.160 -> 25:18.120] feeling like I could deal with them, feeling like I could move through them
[25:18.120 -> 25:23.520] without having to upset anybody. Being that kid in the back garden where you're
[25:23.520 -> 25:29.440] just on your own and you're in your own thoughts you got to address everything.
[25:29.660 -> 25:43.180] You got to talk about it you got to open up that's why i'm i'm about this podcast you guys have set up is that we get chance to do this you get chance to talk about stuff and open up and hopefully help.
[25:43.440 -> 25:46.000] No you listen isn your listeners and things.
[25:46.000 -> 25:52.000] And I'm hoping what I say will help someone else get through their problems.
[25:52.000 -> 25:57.000] But the red flags are important to acknowledge.
[25:57.000 -> 26:11.700] Know yourself, know who you are as a person, and know how you handle a problem. And if it's handling it where you don't want to talk about it, then that's not a good thing
[26:11.700 -> 26:16.480] for me, you know, where you're just ignoring your issues.
[26:16.480 -> 26:17.940] It's so important.
[26:17.940 -> 26:22.020] And there's so many people out there that you can talk to, so many good listeners.
[26:22.020 -> 26:25.140] Even being friends with somebody that's going through a problem you do
[26:26.160 -> 26:33.800] Just listening to their issue is is the best thing being a good listener is is is learning how to listen is is
[26:34.560 -> 26:38.680] This is the first and foremost thing because when you're listening to someone else and you can
[26:39.520 -> 26:42.820] Recognize your own issues you become your best listener
[26:43.160 -> 26:46.000] And when you can recognize your own problem,
[26:46.000 -> 26:51.120] then you can deal with it, as long as you talk about it. Don't believe your own story,
[26:51.120 -> 26:58.480] because we all create a world for ourselves that's probably not true. Really acknowledge
[26:58.480 -> 27:05.640] the truth, acknowledge if you do have problems that you need to address, that's
[27:05.640 -> 27:12.120] important, knowing who you are. And that, I would say, is a form of loving
[27:12.120 -> 27:18.080] yourself, is knowing who you are. I think there's so much good stuff there for our
[27:18.080 -> 27:21.040] listeners to learn from. You know, I think one of the big things for me is that
[27:21.040 -> 27:25.240] you're talking about creating a story in your head that
[27:25.240 -> 27:30.560] everything was a disaster right but you were still this brilliantly loved
[27:30.560 -> 27:36.560] extremely talented performer who was you know a loving son a great brother a
[27:36.560 -> 27:42.520] brilliant father but there's a reminder then isn't there that all of the sort
[27:42.520 -> 27:48.460] of trappings of success suddenly count for nothing when you have issues in your personal life and I think
[27:48.460 -> 27:52.540] there's a really strong reminder for our listeners that chasing outside love and
[27:52.540 -> 27:57.300] outside success until you can really have that inner peace and inner
[27:57.300 -> 28:00.780] freedom you know there's always going to be a challenge for people. It is, it is I
[28:00.780 -> 28:06.700] think you've really got to fix yourself first and foremost, you know,
[28:06.700 -> 28:12.800] really like again that love yourself. You've got to make sure that you are in a strong
[28:12.800 -> 28:19.200] position to be supportive and loving for someone else's life, whether it's your kids or whether
[28:19.200 -> 28:22.400] it's your friends or whatever. Now it's true.
[28:22.400 -> 28:23.800] And accept that you're on a journey.
[28:23.800 -> 28:24.800] Exactly.
[28:24.800 -> 28:25.200] Understand as Michael said, the lows pass. I think it's true. And accept that you're on a journey. Exactly. Understand as
[28:25.200 -> 28:29.440] Michael said, the lows pass. I think it's a, everything should pass is brilliant
[28:29.440 -> 28:32.160] because if there are people listening to this now that are feeling great, right, and
[28:32.160 -> 28:35.840] thinking I'm glad I'm not where Alfie was. Yeah. Well everything passes so you
[28:35.840 -> 28:39.920] may well be there at some point, so you need to equip yourself now. And those that are
[28:39.920 -> 28:43.720] in there, it passes and you can come out. And do you know what, I wouldn't change
[28:43.720 -> 28:49.000] anything looking back at it. I wouldn't change a thing now. If I could say, I
[28:49.000 -> 28:54.160] don't have to go through that again, you know, you can you can wipe that away
[28:54.160 -> 29:00.280] that's not gonna ever exist. I'd say no because that's made me who I am today.
[29:00.280 -> 29:07.220] Now I've learned from mistakes, I've learned from my trauma and it was
[29:07.220 -> 29:12.540] important for me personally. I hope that there are listeners out there that don't
[29:12.540 -> 29:17.300] have to go through the personal trauma that I've had to go through or those
[29:17.300 -> 29:21.500] mistakes that I've made but I'm sure that they will have you know the
[29:21.500 -> 29:25.240] other ways of making mistakes or trauma that they've come across
[29:25.240 -> 29:27.520] to make them develop in life
[29:27.520 -> 29:29.400] and to make them become who they are.
[29:29.400 -> 29:31.440] So I wouldn't change anything.
[29:31.440 -> 29:35.960] And as we sit here now, how happy are you?
[29:35.960 -> 29:37.760] I might not look it, but I'm thrilled.
[29:37.760 -> 29:42.160] I am, I'm really happy.
[29:42.160 -> 29:43.640] I'm happy that I'm here.
[29:43.640 -> 29:45.920] I'm happy that I can talk about this
[29:45.920 -> 29:48.760] and not keep brushing under this carpet.
[29:48.760 -> 29:51.920] I'm happy that I'm not ashamed of it.
[29:51.920 -> 29:54.380] I'm happy that I can maybe help someone else.
[29:54.380 -> 29:56.640] Happy I still have my children in my life
[29:56.640 -> 29:58.920] and that I talk to them several times a day
[29:59.880 -> 30:02.880] and I'm giving them positivity to get through their lives
[30:02.880 -> 30:09.600] because that's what life is about for me. It's about you know when I became a father that was
[30:09.600 -> 30:15.000] the meaning of life. It's about giving them the best opportunities and chances
[30:15.000 -> 30:19.960] that they can possibly have to achieve their goals and then when they become
[30:19.960 -> 30:23.000] parents they do it on to their kids and that sort of thing.
[30:23.000 -> 30:25.360] Brilliant and you know that one day they'll be saying,
[30:25.360 -> 30:26.360] help me out dad.
[30:26.360 -> 30:27.360] I'll be there to do it.
[30:27.360 -> 30:28.360] I'll be alright.
[30:28.360 -> 30:29.360] That's the story.
[30:29.360 -> 30:30.360] Yeah.
[30:30.360 -> 30:33.600] Time for a quick fire questions to round off.
[30:33.600 -> 30:35.720] You get to do these all on your own.
[30:35.720 -> 30:36.720] I know.
[30:36.720 -> 30:40.640] I actually have a puppy to go and look after.
[30:40.640 -> 30:43.800] Only works for one guest.
[30:43.800 -> 30:48.000] The three non-negotiable behaviors that you and the people around you need to buy into
[30:49.000 -> 30:52.920] Positivity love. Yeah that connection with each other and
[30:53.640 -> 30:55.400] respect
[30:55.400 -> 30:57.400] So I've done three already
[30:58.560 -> 31:06.000] One of the determination I think is is determined that to get to
[31:04.480 -> 31:08.800] really put every effort into what we're
[31:06.000 -> 31:10.320] doing. If you could go back to one moment
[31:08.800 -> 31:13.360] of your life what would it be and why?
[31:10.320 -> 31:17.000] Simple moment for me it was in my back
[31:13.360 -> 31:19.760] garden in Fleetwood drinking a cup of
[31:17.000 -> 31:22.440] tea middle of the summer building a
[31:19.760 -> 31:25.440] shed with my dad that was it. That
[31:22.440 -> 31:26.260] moment for me was really special, simple.
[31:26.260 -> 31:30.340] Because I had a connection with him and it was the strongest connection that I can recall
[31:30.340 -> 31:33.620] as a kid having, you know.
[31:33.620 -> 31:39.960] And then I just, I was only a young kid but I built from there, you know, with him.
[31:39.960 -> 31:45.660] And the last 10 months of his life that I had with him, I felt every day we were building
[31:45.660 -> 31:48.960] a shed, you know, it was weird.
[31:48.960 -> 31:53.900] That's lovely. What is your biggest weakness and what is your greatest strength?
[31:53.900 -> 31:58.060] My biggest weakness is probably that I think too much. My biggest strength is probably
[31:58.060 -> 32:08.560] that I think too much. I think a lot, you know. Yeah, I think I do go pretty deep sometimes and think a lot. I suppose
[32:08.560 -> 32:17.000] I suppose my weakness, I'd probably say I worry. I do worry, but my strength is being
[32:17.000 -> 32:21.240] able to pull myself out of that worry, you know, finding a way through it.
[32:21.240 -> 32:33.360] What is the thing that people get wrong or misunderstand about you most? That I'm grumpy bastard. Maybe in a similar, in a sort of way that
[32:33.360 -> 32:41.400] people sometimes see this guy up on stage that is so exasperated with
[32:41.400 -> 32:44.480] Michael being the bubbly guy and it's like oh here he is again that sort of
[32:44.480 -> 32:48.640] thing. I'm not like that, I am obviously you know I'm approachable. I
[32:48.640 -> 32:52.980] love people. I love having conversation. I love meeting people, listening to other
[32:52.980 -> 32:58.780] people's stories. I'm just a I don't know I just quiet guy really I suppose. I'm not
[32:58.780 -> 33:06.840] I'm not always miserable. What quote or motto do you
[33:04.360 -> 33:09.200] remind yourself of most or live by? Yeah
[33:06.840 -> 33:12.440] live for the moment I think is the
[33:09.200 -> 33:15.040] biggest thing that I try and do now. I try
[33:12.440 -> 33:17.080] not to look too far ahead and it's
[33:15.040 -> 33:19.280] important to live every moment like
[33:17.080 -> 33:22.080] it's your last in a sense. And what would be
[33:19.280 -> 33:28.320] your one final message for listeners to live a high performance life? I think to know that
[33:28.320 -> 33:36.440] wherever you get in life as a performer, as an achiever, as a businessman or
[33:36.440 -> 33:42.200] whatever, it's good enough. You've done your best. That's all you can do. As
[33:42.200 -> 33:51.000] long as you've done your best, that's all you can do. And wherever you get in life, then, as a high achiever, then, that's good enough.
[33:51.000 -> 33:54.000] Wonderful. You know what, that's a brilliant way to end this conversation.
[33:54.000 -> 33:58.000] And thank you so much for sticking around after Michael had left and finishing that off.
[33:58.000 -> 34:00.000] And I think that's a really good point to end on, actually,
[34:00.000 -> 34:04.000] because I think often, like, what are you in life is a question we get asked.
[34:04.000 -> 34:06.880] You know, what do you do for a living all that what are you if you can just say
[34:06.880 -> 34:10.760] enough that's all you need it's a good place to get to thank you guys thank you
[34:10.760 -> 34:14.240] for your privilege a lot of love to you
[34:18.120 -> 34:24.800] Damian Jake well what an interesting conversation very much a podcast of two
[34:24.800 -> 34:25.880] halves I loved it
[34:25.880 -> 34:31.040] I thought there was a real energy that Michael brought to the conversation first of all and then the depth that
[34:31.560 -> 34:35.800] Alfie went to in the second bit. It was yeah, like say a real contrast
[34:35.800 -> 34:38.880] I really like the fact that they're two such different characters yet
[34:38.880 -> 34:41.800] they've managed to find common ground to perform together because I think
[34:42.360 -> 34:45.000] More and more in a world
[34:43.440 -> 34:46.960] where we're more connected than we've
[34:45.000 -> 34:48.960] ever been and there are more opinions
[34:46.960 -> 34:50.720] out there than there's ever been before. We're
[34:48.960 -> 34:52.480] living more in an echo chamber because
[34:50.720 -> 34:54.920] we only follow the people we agree with.
[34:52.480 -> 34:56.680] We only, you know, algorithms are designed to
[34:54.920 -> 34:58.800] pump the things we already think into
[34:56.680 -> 35:00.720] our brains and I think what these two
[34:58.800 -> 35:03.520] have got and developed is a really good
[35:00.720 -> 35:05.160] reminder that actually cognitive
[35:03.520 -> 35:05.080] diversity, coming to the world in really good reminder that actually
[35:02.560 -> 35:07.040] cognitive diversity, coming at the world
[35:05.080 -> 35:10.720] in different ways, approaching your
[35:07.040 -> 35:12.080] problems from different angles, can
[35:10.720 -> 35:14.680] still lead you to a place of high
[35:12.080 -> 35:16.680] performance. Toby – Definitely. I read a book
[35:14.680 -> 35:18.240] years ago, a book that we've
[35:16.680 -> 35:20.240] referenced in the chat with them by a
[35:18.240 -> 35:22.400] guy called Daniel Brown, it's called the
[35:20.240 -> 35:25.360] boys in the boat and it's about the US
[35:22.400 -> 35:28.680] rowing team in the 1936 Olympics and it's brilliant but it's where I first read about this concept of
[35:28.680 -> 35:34.060] swing in rowing what we said where when everybody's in harmony the boat
[35:34.060 -> 35:37.760] goes so much faster and more powerful but it feels more effortless for those
[35:37.760 -> 35:41.920] that are in it and I think that was what I was intrigued about two guys from very
[35:41.920 -> 35:45.120] different backgrounds maybe see the world from very
[35:45.120 -> 35:50.640] different ways, how they can come together and create that swing where somehow as a unit
[35:50.640 -> 35:53.000] they're more powerful than two individuals.
[35:53.000 -> 35:57.560] And I think listening to the way they said it, of recognizing each other's strengths,
[35:57.560 -> 36:04.040] knowing they can disagree safely and securely, and having each other's back and trust, I
[36:04.040 -> 36:09.200] think they were three important elements that if anybody's listening to this as part of a team
[36:09.200 -> 36:13.280] starts to think about how you do that are you playing to strengths do you have
[36:13.280 -> 36:18.320] trust and can you respectfully and safely disagree with each other it also
[36:18.320 -> 36:22.720] is a reminder that we must be careful about telling people listening to this
[36:22.720 -> 36:31.340] that there's one way to deal with your problems Like I think that Alfie Boe coming in here and talking so openly and so honestly is incredible and it will be a huge
[36:31.360 -> 36:33.520] benefit to a lot of people listen to this podcaster
[36:34.400 -> 36:37.500] Absolutely applaud him and his bravery and his honesty for doing that
[36:37.720 -> 36:41.880] But at the same time it's also okay that Michael sits here and says listen
[36:41.880 -> 36:45.640] I don't need to share that information in a public forum.
[36:45.640 -> 36:47.920] I share it at home, I share it behind my front door.
[36:47.920 -> 36:50.240] And Alfie said, you know, he shares it with him.
[36:50.240 -> 36:52.360] Alfie knows the depth that Michael goes to,
[36:52.360 -> 36:54.280] but he didn't want to share it with us,
[36:54.280 -> 36:55.760] which I think also you have to respect.
[36:55.760 -> 36:58.240] And I think we have to be careful of making people feel
[36:58.240 -> 37:00.280] that just because they don't share,
[37:00.280 -> 37:01.760] they're not dealing with things in the right way.
[37:01.760 -> 37:03.760] I think having someone to share it with is great,
[37:03.760 -> 37:05.640] but it doesn't always have to be
[37:05.720 -> 37:10.400] Shared with everyone and what works for Alfie doesn't work for Michael and what works for one listener won't work for another
[37:10.800 -> 37:13.480] Yeah, I again I can't echo that
[37:14.000 -> 37:21.440] More powerfully enough that there is no one things that I often say to people that listens to podcast this we don't advocate
[37:21.440 -> 37:22.880] There's a right way or a wrong way
[37:22.880 -> 37:26.520] We just ask is it helpful for you or is it unhelpful?
[37:26.520 -> 37:29.000] And that's for each individual to decide.
[37:29.000 -> 37:33.640] And if sharing your struggles publicly, does that help you?
[37:33.640 -> 37:34.480] Great, do it.
[37:34.480 -> 37:37.200] If it doesn't, as long as you're doing it somewhere
[37:37.200 -> 37:40.600] that you do find it helpful, like Michael's example,
[37:40.600 -> 37:41.440] do that.
[37:41.440 -> 37:42.960] And I think that's a really good example
[37:42.960 -> 37:48.960] of trying to park our own opinion or our judgment and just allow people to share what works for them.
[37:48.960 -> 37:51.200] Steve Well it was certainly an insight into the
[37:51.200 -> 37:55.360] way they work together and into the way that they operate individually that I am, that
[37:55.360 -> 37:57.960] I have never heard before. It was really a pleasure.
[37:57.960 -> 38:00.400] Ricky It's brilliant and I think the fact is that
[38:00.400 -> 38:09.360] they are doing something that people might look at and see it as intangible, like that magic that somehow has propelled them to such commercial
[38:09.360 -> 38:13.160] success. But what they've done there is offered us an insight into how any of
[38:13.160 -> 38:16.080] us could take it and apply it in whatever team we're working in.
[38:16.080 -> 38:23.280] I enjoyed it. Thanks mate, loved it. Thank you so much to Alfie for being so open,
[38:23.280 -> 38:25.000] so honest and giving us so much during thisie for being so open so honest
[38:27.000 -> 38:27.240] And giving us so much during this conversation
[38:31.360 -> 38:31.520] Just a reminder, of course that this was the part of the conversation where we only spoke with Alfie
[38:34.980 -> 38:35.600] You can actually hear him and Michael talking together in
[38:36.920 -> 38:42.360] episode 166 a which was recorded as the first part of our interview once again
[38:42.360 -> 38:48.360] Huge thanks to our guests for coming and joining us and sharing the truth with us on High Performance. Also huge thanks to
[38:48.360 -> 38:52.680] you for growing and sharing this podcast among your community. Please continue to
[38:52.680 -> 38:56.500] spread the learnings you're taking from this series. You never know, you sharing
[38:56.500 -> 39:00.120] this episode might just be a game-changer for someone. So if I could
[39:00.120 -> 39:04.640] ask you to do one thing today, that's all it is. Just share what you've heard. Thanks
[39:04.640 -> 39:08.960] to the whole team for their hard work on this episode, but for you at home listening to this, remember there is
[39:08.960 -> 39:37.600] no secret, it's all there for you. Chase world-class basics, work hard, don't get high on your own now.
[39:36.950 -> 39:39.010] you