E147 - Alex Scott: Walking into the light

Alex Scott MBE is a sports presenter, pundit and former professional football player. She played for Arsenal and made 140 appearances for the England women’s national football team. In this episode, Alex reveals how she has dealt with fear from her childhood and through her career - witnessing abuse and being vilified through social media - and how her mindset has enabled her to reach a place of freedom. 

She reflects on the most crucial aspects of leadership, teamwork and understanding her self-worth. What is a strong leader? How can leaders create a place where everyone feels valued?

Alex's book 'How (Not) To Be Strong' is out now.

- - - - - - -

We have a new Book Club! We will choose books that offer tangible take-aways that you will be able to apply to your daily life. Find out more here https://www.thehighperformancepodcast.com/bookclub and chat directly with other members by joining the Facebook Group.

We are back on tour and coming to Norwich for a special HIGH PERFORMANCE LIVE! Get tickets here: https://norwichtheatre.org/whats-on/high-performance-live/

Pre-order the new High Performance Daily Journal - 365 ways to become your best! smarturl.it/HPJournal

Want even more from High Performance? We have launched our brand new premium podcast service 'High Performance Plus' for people who want to support the podcast, listen to ad-free episodes and have access to exclusive bonus content so we can get you even closer to a life of high performance. Sign up on Apple Podcasts apple.co/highperformance or Supercast https://highperformanceplus.supercast.com/

Thank you to Lotus Cars for sponsoring this episode. A partner that has been with us from the very beginning. Thank you Lotus! www.lotuscars.com

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# Alex Scott: From Fear to Freedom

**Summary:**

In this episode of the High Performance Podcast, Jake Humphrey sits down with former footballer turned broadcaster Alex Scott. Alex opens up about her childhood, her struggles with fear, and how she has overcome adversity to achieve success in her career.

Alex grew up in a challenging environment, witnessing domestic violence and experiencing abuse. These experiences left her with a deep-seated fear that she carried with her throughout her life. However, she was determined to break free from these patterns and create a better future for herself.

Alex found solace in football, which became her escape from the difficulties at home. She excelled in the sport and eventually went on to play for Arsenal and the England women's national team. Despite her success on the pitch, Alex continued to struggle with fear and self-doubt.

After retiring from football, Alex transitioned into a career in broadcasting. She faced new challenges in this role, including criticism and abuse on social media. However, she refused to let these setbacks define her. Instead, she used them as motivation to become stronger and more resilient.

Today, Alex is a successful broadcaster and role model for young people. She is passionate about using her platform to speak out against injustice and to empower others to overcome their own challenges.

**Key Points:**

* Fear can be a powerful force, but it doesn't have to control us. We can choose to face our fears and overcome them.
* It is important to have a strong support system of friends and family who can help us through difficult times.
* We should never give up on our dreams, no matter how difficult the obstacles may seem.
* We can achieve great things if we believe in ourselves and never give up.

**Memorable Quotes:**

* "I think the fear of going to bed every night and trying to listen for sounds, to hear if my mom would be okay. I needed to break some patterns in my life that stemmed yes from my dad and not being able to communicate and then that was there in relationships. I was then tending to get with people that I just wanted to help them you know which then in turn wasn't healthy healthy for myself. I didn't know that I was a leader or a captain until I went to America. I literally went from yeah I was already a right back for England but going to America where people were telling me that I'm gonna be the best right back in the world to believe in it like these people could see something in me. When I got to a stage where Lucy Bronze came in at such a young right back and I knew straight away once she had a mentality like me she was unapologetic of putting in the hard work because she wanted to be the best and I absolutely loved it and I knew I had to do what Heather Mitz did for me. I knew I was going to push Lucy, have conversations with her and get her to that place so when ultimately she took my shirt it was for all the right reasons because she was the best." - Alex Scott

* "You have to live with walking outside your door she took my shirt, it was for all the right reasons, because she was the best. You have to live with walking outside your door, taking a nice stroll, which I think is just me switching off and doing something normal, that somebody might be following you because of the stuff that they've said and the abuse that they've thrown at you, to the level of people saying that they're gonna throw acid in your face." - Alex Scott

* "I think the difference between being a good athlete or in that bracket, the high performance part is about that mindset that takes you to that next level to be really elite and keep you there performing. Which I think is coming out more and more in the sport world and not even just in sport world I think in business. Like how can you tap into things to help you know keep you there so where did that mindset come from then are we talking about you know an 11 year old Alex Scott who was like mentally solid and stable and pushing herself to the limit or as we often find with people is this a process of growth I would say it's a process of growth. And for me, understanding myself more, but I think when I go back to where I grew up in East London, playing in a football cage, there was kind of a survival instinct in there, you know, having to fight for my place in the football cage with the boys, having to prove people that I was good enough and having a dream that I wanted to get beyond that football cage. So I think there was a lot of elements in that." - Alex Scott

**Overall Message:**

Alex Scott's story is an inspiring reminder that we can overcome any obstacle if we have the courage to face our fears and never give up on our dreams. She is a role model for young people everywhere, showing them that it is possible to achieve great things no matter where you come from or what challenges you may face.

# Podcast Episode Summary: Alex Scott - How (Not) To Be Strong

**Episode Overview:**

In this episode, Alex Scott, a former professional football player and current sports presenter and pundit, shares her journey of overcoming fear and adversity, both in her personal life and career. She reflects on the importance of leadership, teamwork, and understanding one's self-worth. Alex also discusses the challenges she faced as a female athlete, including dealing with abuse and online trolling.

**Key Points:**

* **Facing Fear:** Alex recalls a time when she experienced intense fear and anxiety, leading her to seek therapy. She emphasizes the importance of seeking help when needed and highlights the benefits of therapy in her own life.

* **The Misnomer of Strength:** Alex challenges the traditional notion of strength as being stoic and unemotional. She advocates for embracing vulnerability and allowing oneself to feel emotions fully.

* **The Importance of Self-Care:** Alex stresses the need for self-care and taking time for oneself to recharge and maintain mental well-being. She encourages listeners to prioritize their own needs and not apologize for doing so.

* **Supportive Allyship:** Alex emphasizes the significance of allyship in supporting individuals who are facing criticism or going through difficult times. She encourages people to actively praise and uplift others, rather than focusing solely on negative feedback.

* **The Power of Positivity:** Alex highlights the impact of positive thinking and surrounding oneself with positive influences. She shares how a positive mindset helped her overcome challenges and achieve success.

* **Teamwork and Leadership:** Alex discusses the importance of teamwork and effective leadership. She emphasizes the value of recognizing and appreciating the contributions of every team member, regardless of their role.

* **Learning from Criticism:** Alex reflects on the criticism she has faced, particularly as a female athlete. She encourages listeners to learn from criticism and use it as an opportunity for growth and improvement.

* **The Ghosts of Childhood:** Alex explores the concept of "ghosts of childhood" - unresolved issues or questions from one's past that continue to impact their adult life. She highlights the importance of addressing these issues through therapy or self-reflection.

* **Imposter Syndrome:** Alex discusses the experience of imposter syndrome, feeling unworthy of success or recognition. She shares her own struggles with this and emphasizes the need for self-belief and self-acceptance.

* **The Importance of Mentors:** Alex acknowledges the role of mentors in her life, both in football and her broadcasting career. She emphasizes the value of seeking out mentors who can provide guidance, support, and encouragement.

**Overall Message:**

Alex Scott's journey is a testament to the power of resilience, self-acceptance, and the importance of surrounding oneself with positive influences. She encourages listeners to embrace their vulnerabilities, seek support when needed, and strive to be the best version of themselves.

# Podcast Episode Summary: Alex Scott MBE - Embracing Freedom Through Overcoming Fear

**Introduction**

- Alex Scott MBE is a sports presenter, pundit, and former professional football player.
- This episode delves into Alex's journey of dealing with fear, from her childhood through her career.
- She reflects on the crucial aspects of leadership, teamwork, and understanding her self-worth.

**Key Points**

**1. Overcoming Fear:**
- Alex shares how she has confronted fear throughout her life, including witnessing abuse, experiencing vilification through social media, and facing challenges in her professional football career.
- She emphasizes the importance of embracing a growth mindset and surrounding oneself with individuals who inspire growth and learning.

**2. Leadership and Teamwork:**
- Alex believes that strong leadership involves listening to everyone, taking advice, and ultimately making decisions.
- She stresses the significance of creating an environment where everyone feels valued, fostering a sense of unity and support within the team.
- Alex highlights the importance of recognizing that the team's success depends on the collective efforts of all members.

**3. Understanding Self-Worth:**
- Alex acknowledges the challenges she faced in accepting praise and recognizing her own strengths due to patterns stemming from her childhood.
- She emphasizes the need for self-reflection and understanding one's patterns to break free from negative cycles.
- Alex advocates for self-care and taking time to date oneself, prioritizing personal growth and well-being.

**4. Achieving Freedom:**
- Alex acknowledges that the journey to finding freedom is ongoing and requires continuous growth and learning.
- She emphasizes the importance of open communication and resolving conflicts constructively to maintain healthy relationships.
- Alex highlights the significance of setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care to avoid burnout.

**5. Dealing with Negativity:**
- Alex emphasizes the importance of avoiding negativity and surrounding oneself with positive influences.
- She believes in setting non-negotiable boundaries for lateness, excuses, and negative attitudes.

**6. Personal Strengths and Weaknesses:**
- Alex identifies her greatest strength as being able to listen and her biggest weakness as trying to help everyone before helping herself.
- She acknowledges that while it's a weakness, she wouldn't change it as it reflects her genuine desire to support others.

**7. Biggest Failure and Reaction:**
- Alex reflects on waiting too long to share her story in her book, "How (Not) To Be Strong."
- She expresses regret for not freeing her mother and herself sooner from the pain they endured.

**8. Travel and Learning:**
- Alex shares her passion for traveling and how it has contributed to her education and personal growth.
- She believes that experiencing different cultures and meeting diverse people enriches her life and provides a broader perspective.

**9. Final Message:**
- Alex encourages listeners to keep going and believe in themselves, regardless of the fears or negativity they may encounter.
- She emphasizes the importance of not letting others' fears hinder personal achievements.

**Conclusion**

The podcast episode with Alex Scott MBE offers valuable insights into overcoming fear, embracing freedom, and leading a high-performance life. Alex's candid reflections on her personal and professional experiences provide inspiration and practical advice for listeners seeking to navigate challenges and achieve their goals.

# High Performance Podcast Episode Summary: Josh Birkley - Turning Adversity into Opportunity

## Introduction

- Alex Scott, a former professional football player and current sports presenter, shares her journey of overcoming challenges and achieving a mindset of freedom.
- The podcast focuses on leadership, teamwork, and understanding self-worth.

## Overcoming Fear and Abuse

- Alex reflects on her childhood experiences, including witnessing abuse and facing social media vilification.
- She emphasizes the importance of developing a strong mindset to overcome fear and adversity.

## Leadership and Teamwork

- Alex discusses the qualities of effective leaders and the significance of creating environments where everyone feels valued.
- She highlights the importance of fostering a sense of belonging and purpose within teams.

## Understanding Self-Worth

- Alex stresses the need for individuals to recognize their self-worth and not let external factors define their value.
- She emphasizes the value of self-belief and self-acceptance in achieving personal growth and fulfillment.

## Key Insights

- **Embrace adversity as an opportunity for growth:** Alex's battle with cancer and subsequent Ironman triathlon completion exemplify how challenges can be transformed into opportunities for personal transformation.
- **Cultivate a positive mindset:** Alex's ability to maintain a positive outlook during difficult times highlights the power of mindset in shaping one's experiences and outcomes.
- **Surround yourself with a supportive network:** Alex acknowledges the importance of having a strong support system of friends, family, and mentors in overcoming adversity.
- **Find purpose and meaning in life:** Alex's journey emphasizes the significance of finding purpose and meaning in life, which can serve as a driving force for personal growth and resilience.

## Conclusion

- Alex's story is a testament to the human capacity for resilience and the power of a positive mindset in overcoming adversity.
- The podcast offers valuable insights into leadership, teamwork, and self-worth, leaving listeners inspired and motivated to pursue their own paths to high performance.

[00:00.000 -> 00:06.500] Please be aware this episode contains content that some listeners may find disturbing relating to domestic violence.
[00:08.500 -> 00:14.700] How's it going? I'm Jake Humphrey. This is High Performance, our conversation for you every single week.
[00:14.700 -> 00:20.400] This podcast reminds you that it's within your ambition, your purpose, your story.
[00:20.400 -> 00:27.000] It's all there. We just help you unlock it by turning the lived experiences of the planet's highest performers into your life lessons.
[00:27.000 -> 00:36.000] Myself and Professor Damien Hughes speak to the greatest leaders, thinkers, entrepreneurs, and in this case, sports stars on the planet so they can be your teacher.
[00:36.000 -> 00:46.080] Remember, this is not about high achievement or high success. It's high happiness, high self-worth, taking you closer to your version of high performance.
[00:46.640 -> 00:49.440] Today, this awaits you.
[00:50.240 -> 00:57.040] I think the fear of going to bed every night and trying to listen for sounds,
[00:57.840 -> 01:06.960] to hear if my mum would be okay. I needed to break some patterns in my life that stemmed yes from my dad and
[01:06.960 -> 01:10.960] not being able to communicate and then that was there in relationships. I was
[01:10.960 -> 01:15.000] then tending to get with people that I just wanted to help them you know which
[01:15.000 -> 01:21.360] then in turn wasn't healthy healthy for myself. I didn't know that I was a leader
[01:21.360 -> 01:25.640] or a captain until I went to America. I literally went from
[01:25.640 -> 01:29.900] yeah I was already a right back for England but going to America where
[01:29.900 -> 01:34.160] people were telling me that I'm gonna be the best right back in the world to
[01:34.160 -> 01:38.460] believe in it like these people could see something in me. When I got to a
[01:38.460 -> 01:43.040] stage where Lucy Bronze came in at such a young right back and I knew straight
[01:43.040 -> 01:48.360] away once she had a mentality like me she was unapologetic of putting in the hard work because she wanted to
[01:48.360 -> 01:52.960] be the best and I absolutely loved it and I knew I had to do what Heather Mitz
[01:52.960 -> 01:58.720] did for me. I knew I was going to push Lucy, have conversations with her and get
[01:58.720 -> 02:02.560] her to that place so when ultimately she took my shirt it was for all the right
[02:02.560 -> 02:04.760] reasons because she was the best.
[02:04.760 -> 02:05.720] You have to live with walking outside your door she took my shirt, it was for all the right reasons, because she was the best.
[02:09.920 -> 02:12.000] You have to live with walking outside your door, taking a nice stroll, which I think is just me
[02:12.000 -> 02:14.520] switching off and doing something normal,
[02:14.520 -> 02:16.520] that somebody might be following you
[02:16.520 -> 02:17.960] because of the stuff that they've said
[02:17.960 -> 02:20.680] and the abuse that they've thrown at you,
[02:20.680 -> 02:22.320] to the level of people saying that
[02:22.320 -> 02:24.280] they're gonna throw acid in your face.
[02:26.940 -> 02:33.680] to the level of people saying they're gonna throw acid in your face and you know and living goes back to that fear when actually I transitioned from one
[02:33.680 -> 02:38.160] career to do another career because I just love it like I'm passionate about
[02:38.160 -> 02:42.920] it it gives me so much energy so I don't understand how people can have so much
[02:42.920 -> 02:46.420] hatred towards someone or something
[02:46.420 -> 02:49.420] just because they're doing a job that they love.
[02:49.420 -> 02:55.720] Well, I'm really excited to bring you this episode of the High Performance podcast.
[02:55.720 -> 03:00.860] I'm sure you know that Alex Scott, former footballer turned broadcaster has a new book
[03:00.860 -> 03:01.860] out.
[03:01.860 -> 03:08.620] But actually, I've seen and heard a lot of the interviews that she's done over the past couple of weeks and she didn't speak about the things that she discussed
[03:08.620 -> 03:13.940] with us in the next hour. You will hear in incredible honesty her journey from where
[03:13.940 -> 03:18.220] she started to where she's got to. And the thing that stands out for me from this conversation,
[03:18.220 -> 03:22.780] you will hear the challenges of Alex's upbringing. You will hear the challenges that she faced
[03:22.780 -> 03:27.960] in her playing career. You'll hear about the challenges that she faces in her new media career. The thing that bothered
[03:27.960 -> 03:33.600] me is the question of why can't we celebrate people? Why do we want to push people back
[03:33.600 -> 03:38.000] to where they came from? Why can't we celebrate the journey they've been on? And we talk about
[03:38.000 -> 03:42.760] that with Alex, you know, she managed to make it in broadcasting, which is bloody difficult
[03:42.760 -> 03:45.320] after a career in the elite level of football, which
[03:45.320 -> 03:48.000] is equally hard after an upbringing that was remarkably
[03:48.000 -> 03:51.160] hard. So why can't people just go, wow, look how far you've
[03:51.160 -> 03:54.880] come. You are so inspirational. Your proof that where you start
[03:54.880 -> 03:56.960] is not where you finish that with the right approach, you can
[03:56.960 -> 04:00.080] achieve amazing things in life. And instead, she's faced every
[04:00.080 -> 04:03.320] day with messages of, you don't belong there. That's not where
[04:03.320 -> 04:09.640] you should be. Get off my TV. We need to change our thinking. We need to realise that you don't lose any of your
[04:09.640 -> 04:15.280] flame by lighting someone else's candle. We need to realise that we can be the difference.
[04:15.280 -> 04:20.000] If you have ever sent a message to anyone on social media or anywhere else, being unfairly
[04:20.000 -> 04:30.120] critical, you can be the difference, you can be the change. I see it all the time. I get it all the time as well. It confuses me. It makes no sense. It's unfair. It's unkind.
[04:30.120 -> 04:35.440] But I guess we have to ask ourselves why some people can only be happy by taking away the
[04:35.440 -> 04:40.780] happiness of others. And that's a big part of our conversation today with Alex Scott.
[04:40.780 -> 04:44.340] Let me just say a big thank you, of course, to Lotus Cars for being the founding partners
[04:44.340 -> 04:48.100] of the High Performance Podcast. They stand alongside us on high performance, as they
[04:48.100 -> 04:51.880] have done from the very start. If you want to hear the latest about what they're up to,
[04:51.880 -> 04:57.840] then all you need to do is go to lotuscars.com. And the big news from them is that the Lotus
[04:57.840 -> 05:03.900] Electra, which is their first all-new electric car, is a winner in the What Car? Electric
[05:03.900 -> 05:06.200] Car Awards. What Car, who are really highly
[05:06.200 -> 05:10.560] respected said that they're used to Lotus producing cars that excite enthusiasts, but
[05:10.560 -> 05:14.940] by winning the WattCar Reader's Award, the Lotus Electra, not even out yet, has shown
[05:14.940 -> 05:18.360] it has the potential to attract a whole new group of customers to the brand. And we're
[05:18.360 -> 05:24.480] so excited for you. That's the Lotus Electra coming on the back of the amazing award winning
[05:24.480 -> 05:25.400] Lotus Avaya and of course the Lotus Amira, which is also on the back of the amazing award-winning Lotus Avaya.
[05:25.400 -> 05:28.400] And of course, the Lotus Amira, which is also on the road as well.
[05:28.400 -> 05:31.200] Check them out at Lotus cars across social media.
[05:31.200 -> 05:34.400] Lotus, thanks for being here from the very beginning.
[05:34.400 -> 05:44.000] Let's get to it then. A searingly honest conversation with footballer turned broadcaster Alex Scott.
[06:08.600 -> 06:14.360] Alex Scott. LinkedIn ads. LinkedIn has the targeting capabilities to help you reach the world's largest professional audience. That's right, over 70 million decision makers all in one place. All the big wigs, then medium wigs, also small wigs who are
[06:14.360 -> 06:18.520] on the path to becoming big wigs. Okay, that's enough about wigs. LinkedIn ads
[06:18.520 -> 06:23.480] allows you to focus on getting your B2B message to the right people. So, does that
[06:23.480 -> 06:25.360] mean you should use ads on LinkedIn
[06:25.360 -> 06:31.440] instead of hiring me, the man with the deepest voice in the world? Yes. Yes, it does. Get
[06:31.440 -> 06:37.600] started today and see why LinkedIn is the place to be, to be. We'll even give you a $100 credit
[06:37.600 -> 06:42.400] on your next campaign. Go to LinkedIn.com slash results to claim your credit. That's
[06:42.400 -> 06:49.120] LinkedIn.com slash results. Terms and conditions apply.
[06:49.120 -> 06:53.040] On our podcast, we love to highlight businesses that are doing things a better way so you
[06:53.040 -> 06:54.760] can live a better life.
[06:54.760 -> 06:58.080] And that's why when I found Mint Mobile, I had to share.
[06:58.080 -> 07:02.760] So Mint Mobile ditched retail stores and all those overhead costs and instead sells their
[07:02.760 -> 07:05.000] phone plans online and passes those
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[07:16.400 -> 07:26.320] That's unlimited talk, text and data for $15 a month. And by the way, the quality of Mint Mobile's wireless service
[07:26.320 -> 07:28.960] in comparison to providers that we've worked with before
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[08:29.840 -> 08:34.760] Well thank you for coming. Thank you for having me. I'm excited about this.
[08:34.760 -> 08:38.880] Do you listen to them? Yes, that's why I'm sitting here smiling because I'm that person, I go on a
[08:38.880 -> 08:43.840] walk and I go through, I've listened to so many, Chris Hoy, when you had Roxy on, just
[08:43.840 -> 08:49.640] listening to the different conversations and actually what I can take from it as well and learn from them. So I really like your podcast
[08:49.640 -> 08:53.620] I'm not just saying it. Well, thank you for listening. And now it's time for people to learn from you
[08:53.620 -> 08:57.940] So, you know how it starts. Mm-hmm. What is your version of high performance Alex?
[08:58.440 -> 09:03.680] My version of high performance. I'm really big on mindsets to be honest
[09:04.960 -> 09:10.880] high performance. I'm really big on mindsets to be honest. So I think the difference between being a good athlete or in that bracket, the high performance
[09:10.880 -> 09:15.300] part is about that mindset that takes you to that next level to be really
[09:15.300 -> 09:20.120] elite and keep you there performing. Which I think is coming out more and
[09:20.120 -> 09:24.160] more in the sport world and not even just in sport world I think in business.
[09:24.160 -> 09:29.560] Like how can you tap into things to help you know keep you there so where did
[09:29.560 -> 09:32.920] that mindset come from then are we talking about you know an 11 year old
[09:32.920 -> 09:37.640] Alex Scott who was like mentally solid and stable and pushing herself to the
[09:37.640 -> 09:42.440] limit or as we often find with people is this a process of growth I would say
[09:42.440 -> 09:46.440] it's a process of growth and I would say it's a process of growth. And for me, understanding myself more,
[09:46.440 -> 09:48.960] but I think when I go back to where I grew up
[09:48.960 -> 09:51.980] in East London, playing in a football cage,
[09:51.980 -> 09:55.140] there was kind of a survival instinct in there,
[09:55.140 -> 09:56.660] you know, having to fight for my place
[09:56.660 -> 09:58.100] in the football cage with the boys,
[09:58.100 -> 10:01.060] having to prove people that I was good enough
[10:01.060 -> 10:03.780] and having a dream that I wanted to get
[10:03.780 -> 10:05.000] beyond that football cage. So I think there was a lot of elements in that. And I think you throw in on top of that fear, oeddwn i'n dda o hyd i ddreimio i fynd ymlaen o'r cag ffotbol.
[10:05.320 -> 10:07.240] Felly rwy'n credu bod yna lawer o ddifrifnau yn hynny,
[10:07.240 -> 10:08.880] ac rwy'n credu y byddwch chi'n rhoi ar y top o hynny,
[10:08.880 -> 10:11.240] ychydig o gofynnau, gofynnau i fod yn cael ychydig o gofynnau
[10:11.240 -> 10:14.120] neu gofynnau i ddim yn gallu edrych arnaf.
[10:14.120 -> 10:15.280] Rwy'n siarad bob amser,
[10:15.280 -> 10:18.280] rwy'n deall, rwy'n gallu cael 140 o gofynnau i Anglwyn,
[10:18.280 -> 10:20.400] ac weithiau byddwch chi'n cael cymdeithaswyr neu bobl
[10:20.400 -> 10:22.000] yn ymdrechu bod chi'r ffavourite,
[10:22.000 -> 10:23.440] dyna pam rydych chi'n cael eich pwyswng.
[10:23.440 -> 10:29.480] Ond mewn gwirionedd, bob gêm rydw i'n chwarae ar Anglwyn roedd gen i ddifrifnau ffyrddus, people assuming that you were the favourite, that's why you got picked. But I actually, every game I played for England had a strong element of fear that it would be my last,
[10:29.480 -> 10:33.960] that it was taken away, that I had to go out and be the best because, you know, I might
[10:33.960 -> 10:35.240] not get picked for the next game.
[10:35.240 -> 10:39.180] I think that's a really powerful thing to share with people because people see you and
[10:39.180 -> 10:42.960] assume there's no fear because life's successful. What about the Alex Scott sitting in front
[10:42.960 -> 10:47.680] of us today? How prevalent is fear in the life you live now?
[10:47.680 -> 10:53.520] It's always there and to be honest I think that's what keeps me going, working
[10:53.520 -> 10:56.800] so hard because it's always that I've got to prove people that I'm good enough
[10:56.800 -> 11:01.240] or flip that as well as I don't want to let anyone down that's then showed that
[11:01.240 -> 11:06.000] faith in me to put me in a position or giving me a job or picked me in the a dweud, ond mae'n dweud, o'r ffordd y byddwn i'n ymwneud â'r ffyrdd, a'r ffordd y byddwn i'n ymwneud â'r ffyrdd, a'r ffordd y byddwn i'n ymwneud â'r ffyrdd,
[11:06.000 -> 11:08.000] a'r ffordd y byddwn i'n ymwneud â'r ffyrdd,
[11:08.000 -> 11:10.000] a'r ffordd y byddwn i'n ymwneud â'r ffyrdd,
[11:10.000 -> 11:12.000] a'r ffordd y byddwn i'n ymwneud â'r ffyrdd,
[11:12.000 -> 11:14.000] a'r ffordd y byddwn i'n ymwneud â'r ffyrdd,
[11:14.000 -> 11:16.000] a'r ffordd y byddwn i'n ymwneud â'r ffyrdd,
[11:16.000 -> 11:18.000] a'r ffordd y byddwn i'n ymwneud â'r ffyrdd,
[11:18.000 -> 11:20.000] a'r ffordd y byddwn i'n ymwneud â'r ffyrdd,
[11:20.000 -> 11:22.000] a'r ffordd y byddwn i'n ymwneud ag yw'r ffyrdd.
[11:22.000 -> 11:24.000] a'r ffordd y byddwn i'n ymwneud ag yw'r ffyrdd.
[11:24.000 -> 11:26.880] a'r ffordd y byddwn i'n ymwneud ag yw'r ffyrdd. a'r ffordd y byddwn i'n y'w gofyn yw, wrth gwrs, wrth ddweud â Dr Pippa Grange, sy'n siarad am... mae dau ffordd o ffyrdd.
[11:26.880 -> 11:29.800] Mae'r ffyrdd o'r moment ar y moment lle rydych chi'n dod i bopeth a'i rhannu,
[11:29.800 -> 11:34.080] ond y ffyrdd mwy anodd yw'r ffyrdd ddim yn dda enough
[11:34.080 -> 11:37.280] y mae'n ofn y bydd y rhai o'r cyflogwyr yn ysgrifennu
[11:37.280 -> 11:39.840] y gall eu hyrwyddo am ychydig o amser,
[11:39.840 -> 11:43.440] ond yn unig, gall eu cwblhau os yw'n cael eu gael.
[11:43.440 -> 11:47.640] Sut wnaethoch chi ddod i ffyrdd i'w g'i gyrraedd i'r gofyn i'w gynhyrchu
[11:47.640 -> 11:50.600] heb ei fod yn eich gynhyrchu?
[11:50.600 -> 11:53.520] Rwy'n credu ei fod yn mynd yn ôl i'r meddwl
[11:53.520 -> 11:55.360] o gael y gofyn, fel dweudwch,
[11:55.360 -> 11:57.680] gallwch ei gael, ond dydw i ddim yn gallu ei wneud.
[11:57.680 -> 11:59.040] Rydw i'n rhywun sy'n dweud,
[11:59.040 -> 12:02.400] ok, dyma'r heriad, ac rydw i'n dewis ei agor.
[12:02.400 -> 12:03.400] Dychwch chi'n gwybod, oherwydd rwy'n gwybod
[12:03.400 -> 12:08.320] bod rwy'n mynd i'w ddweud i'w gynhyrchu ac rwy'n mynd i'w gro. Ac mewn gwirionedd, beth yw'r pwysicaf sy'n gallu digwydd? And I choose to accept it, you know Because I know that I'm gonna take a lesson from it and I'm gonna grow and actually what's the worst that can happen?
[12:08.320 -> 12:13.320] It doesn't turn out the way that I planned but I've still gonna have learned lessons during that process
[12:13.680 -> 12:15.960] So I think that fear is always there
[12:15.960 -> 12:21.280] But like you said, I know that I can use it to be better whether the outcomes if I like it or not
[12:21.280 -> 12:26.000] You know, so if we can go to that moment that you said of what's the worst that can happen? oedd y cyfle i mi ddweud y peth fwyaf sy'n gallu digwydd. Rwy'n syniadol bod llawer o adroddiad ar gyfer eich llyfr brif
[12:26.000 -> 12:30.000] ar y cyfnod ac mae'n teimlo i'w cymryd ar y gysylltiad gyda'ch father.
[12:30.000 -> 12:34.000] Felly dwi ddim eisiau i'w dynnu gan hynny,
[12:34.000 -> 12:38.000] ond rwy'n credu ei fod yn werth i ni ddweud arno.
[12:38.000 -> 12:42.000] I lawer o'r plant, dyna'r peth fwyaf sy'n gallu digwydd.
[12:42.000 -> 12:44.000] Fel rydych chi wedi'i ddysgrifio yn eich llyfr,
[12:44.000 -> 13:10.580] weithiau mynd i'r bwyd a ddim yn gwybod a ydych chi'n mynd i'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r f that you can now use it to your advantage? I think sitting here and going through a lot of lessons, learning about myself, that, yeah,
[13:10.580 -> 13:15.680] so even you saying that, like the noises and what I went through as a kid, it's all still
[13:15.680 -> 13:18.080] there and it's still very raw.
[13:18.080 -> 13:21.440] But I think I don't sit here as a victim of that.
[13:21.440 -> 13:24.160] There's a lot of stuff that I've taken strength from.
[13:24.160 -> 13:25.400] I take the bad stuff that I've
[13:22.600 -> 13:26.840] taken strength from I take the the bad
[13:25.400 -> 13:28.040] stuff that's happened in my life and
[13:26.840 -> 13:31.840] then you mix it with all the good stuff
[13:28.040 -> 13:34.560] it's made me who I am today I think the
[13:31.840 -> 13:39.200] fear of going to bed every night and
[13:34.560 -> 13:42.560] trying to listen for sounds to hear
[13:39.200 -> 13:44.320] if my mom would be okay but then
[13:42.560 -> 13:45.440] seeing the light and seeing her the next day.
[13:52.480 -> 13:53.040] And it's actually, I didn't write the book in that chapter to try and shame my dad at all.
[13:58.240 -> 13:59.040] I actually wrote the book in the light, so that's where he flipped it, to free my mum.
[14:06.400 -> 14:11.640] I wanted her to see how incredible she is and her strength, a different kind of strength that was passed on to me and my brother has got me to this place and for my mum
[14:11.640 -> 14:17.280] up to this point to continually view herself and call herself a coward
[14:17.280 -> 14:22.120] because that's how she thinks the world will view her, me writing this book is
[14:22.120 -> 14:25.560] trying to show her that you're absolutely everything but.
[14:25.560 -> 14:30.760] You know, you did everything to get me and my brother to the position that we're in now.
[14:30.760 -> 14:36.340] So I think going back to your question, the light and seeing those moments was, I could
[14:36.340 -> 14:39.120] see that she was going to get the strength to leave him.
[14:39.120 -> 14:40.120] And then she did.
[14:40.120 -> 14:43.720] And even though it was still a struggle, you know, we were fine.
[14:43.720 -> 14:44.960] We had then that freedom.
[14:44.960 -> 14:45.000] I had the football cage at the end of my road that that was my escape. even though it was still a struggle, you know, we were fine. We had then that freedom.
[14:45.000 -> 14:47.000] I had the football cage at the end of my road
[14:47.000 -> 14:48.720] that was my escape.
[14:48.720 -> 14:50.660] And my mom's friends used to laugh at her,
[14:50.660 -> 14:51.920] went like, what does Alex want to be?
[14:51.920 -> 14:52.760] And she used to be like,
[14:52.760 -> 14:54.320] oh yeah, she's going to be a footballer.
[14:54.320 -> 14:55.400] And then they used to laugh and be like,
[14:55.400 -> 14:56.320] she'll grow out of it.
[14:56.320 -> 14:59.280] But my mom knew that football was my escape
[14:59.280 -> 15:02.040] from what they didn't know what was going on at home,
[15:02.040 -> 15:02.860] you know?
[15:02.860 -> 15:04.340] So she always encouraged me
[15:04.340 -> 15:06.000] and didn't try and push me on another path. oedd yn gwybod beth oedd yn digwydd y tu hwnnw. Felly roedd hi bob amser yn ynghyrchu mi ac nid yn ceisio fy nghymryd ar fath arall.
[15:06.000 -> 15:08.000] Felly a oes gennych chi wedi defnyddio'r cyfnodau hynny
[15:08.000 -> 15:10.000] fel ffocws o gynnwys?
[15:10.000 -> 15:12.000] Rwy'n gwybod, yn ystod yr wythnosau
[15:12.000 -> 15:14.000] pan oedd gennych chi'r ffwrdd o'r cymdeithas
[15:14.000 -> 15:16.000] o'ch gwirionedd a sut rydych chi'n ymddangos
[15:16.000 -> 15:18.000] gyfraith ar teli a pethau fel hynny.
[15:18.000 -> 15:20.000] A oes gennych chi, yn eich meddwl,
[15:20.000 -> 15:22.000] yn mynd yn ôl i'r cyfnodau
[15:22.000 -> 15:24.000] o'ch gynlluniaeth
[15:24.000 -> 15:30.780] yng nghynllunio'r ysbyty lle rydych chi'n ymddangos y golygfa honno Go back to those horrible moments in your childhood bedroom Where you face in that fair and think that's the worst that can happen and I survived it
[15:30.920 -> 15:33.880] so somebody criticizing my accent is
[15:34.600 -> 15:37.440] Manageable. Do you ever use that to put it in some kind of perspective?
[15:37.440 -> 15:43.300] Yeah, I've been through worse in my life like I can get through stuff. I think the accent thing that
[15:41.400 -> 15:45.880] I can get through stuff. I think the accent thing that it just got to me,
[15:45.880 -> 15:47.600] it wasn't just that one tweet,
[15:47.600 -> 15:51.160] it'd been a buildup since our transition into broadcasting.
[15:51.160 -> 15:54.160] And it's like that constant buildup of having to hide it,
[15:54.160 -> 15:57.560] trying to show strength that, you know, I'm now a woman,
[15:57.560 -> 16:01.000] I can't be seen to be complaining or I can't handle it.
[16:01.000 -> 16:02.560] And so I think over the years,
[16:02.560 -> 16:04.320] it was a number of things that when I did that,
[16:04.320 -> 16:05.520] I knew going into the Olympics, the amount of scrutinylynyddoedd, roedd y nifer o bethau pan ddechreuais hynny, roeddwn i'n gwybod, wrth fynd i'r Olympiad,
[16:05.520 -> 16:07.560] y maen yma o sgrwtini y byddwn i'n ei leo
[16:07.560 -> 16:09.960] ymhell y tref national, Clare Bawden,
[16:09.960 -> 16:12.920] pawb ei wachu, Gabby, Hazel, Vyne,
[16:12.920 -> 16:16.320] ac yna rydw i, y rhuffian ychydig o'r dyfodol o Lundain.
[16:16.320 -> 16:18.000] Dychreuais i ddod yno?
[16:18.000 -> 16:20.280] Dymu'n dda i fynd i'r ymhell yno?
[16:20.280 -> 16:22.400] Felly roeddwn i'n gwybod, roeddwn i'n rhoi lawer o bobl bwysig arnaf
[16:22.400 -> 16:23.920] ac rwy'n credu, mae'n hawdd,
[16:23.920 -> 16:25.280] pan mae pobl yn dweud, oh, ddim i gael ar y cyfieithiau cymdeithasol, ddim i edrych arno, ond mae llawer o hynny rwy'n hoffi. So I knew I put a lot of pressure under myself and I think it's easy, you know when people say oh don't get
[16:25.280 -> 16:26.780] On social media don't look at it
[16:26.780 -> 16:30.760] but there's so much of it that I like I like the connection and speaking to people and
[16:31.000 -> 16:33.360] Actually when you're full you guys will both know
[16:33.880 -> 16:36.640] You sitting on TV or you're full in broadcast mode
[16:36.720 -> 16:43.320] Sometimes me just switching on my phone is a distraction or checking in and what else is going on in the world other than the TV
[16:43.320 -> 16:50.240] Land and then switching on yeah Twitter that night and seeing that it was just I'm not going to sit in silence anymore
[16:50.240 -> 16:55.120] like I actually can't take this anymore when I'm on the one show that is the same thing
[16:55.120 -> 17:01.440] so that was just the reaction to that I'm from an area of London where you know it was it was
[17:01.440 -> 17:06.720] a struggle but I'm proud that the that the struggle and the hard work has led me to
[17:06.720 -> 17:11.560] this place and actually why do people look at the negative? Why can't people see that? You know,
[17:11.560 -> 17:15.600] for you to achieve and get out of something and all the hard work that you've put in,
[17:15.600 -> 17:20.200] why don't you celebrate that? You just still constantly want to bring someone down because
[17:20.200 -> 17:26.960] of an area that they're from but and actually, you know, it's the UK, it's a representation of society,
[17:26.960 -> 17:29.200] but we've been stuck in a way that
[17:29.200 -> 17:31.240] this is what TV's supposed to look like,
[17:31.240 -> 17:32.960] this is what you're supposed to sound like,
[17:32.960 -> 17:36.480] and it just proves that things need to change.
[17:36.480 -> 17:39.080] I think you're so strong and speak about it so powerfully.
[17:39.080 -> 17:43.520] And, you know, I've not had anything like that
[17:43.520 -> 17:46.880] level of criticism, but I've said to my wife many times over the past
[17:47.320 -> 17:52.480] 20 years on the telly like the biggest source of mental health struggles for me is social media and the challenges it brings
[17:53.160 -> 17:56.200] It's nice in a weird way, isn't it to talk about it?
[17:56.200 -> 18:02.680] Because it does strengthen you a bit and I would just love people to really understand like the actual cost of what they think
[18:02.760 -> 18:08.080] It's just a throwaway tweet or a ridiculous comment like if you're able to would you mind
[18:08.080 -> 18:13.540] just sharing so that people can really hear it in your own words actually what
[18:13.540 -> 18:16.640] this does to somebody
[18:21.640 -> 18:29.240] boy do you know dick I remember one time you actually really, there was in
[18:29.240 -> 18:35.120] the height of it, I remember you actually on a BT show talking about it when the headlines
[18:35.120 -> 18:40.440] first broke, like and I've been since then for another of different episodes as well
[18:40.440 -> 18:46.680] and me seeing a reaction like that, I think that gives me the strength to keep going that people do have your back.
[18:46.680 -> 18:49.300] But then at the extent of it,
[18:49.300 -> 18:51.560] you've got me fearing for my life.
[18:53.200 -> 18:55.000] And people don't understand that,
[18:55.000 -> 18:59.680] that you have to live with walking outside your door
[19:00.880 -> 19:04.860] and walking, you know, having my headphones in,
[19:04.860 -> 19:06.480] taking a nice stroll, which I think is
[19:06.480 -> 19:10.400] just me switching off and doing something normal, that somebody might be
[19:10.400 -> 19:13.640] following you because of the stuff that they've said and the abuse that they've
[19:13.640 -> 19:18.280] thrown at you, to the level of people saying that they're gonna throw acid in
[19:18.280 -> 19:26.040] your face and, you know, and living goes back back to that fear when actually I
[19:27.080 -> 19:33.320] Transitioned from one career to do another career because I just love it like I'm passionate about it
[19:33.320 -> 19:38.020] It gives me so much energy. So I don't understand how people can have so much hatred
[19:38.720 -> 19:43.680] Towards someone or something just because they're doing a job that they love. Yeah
[19:44.240 -> 19:45.160] I'll tell you what helped me. It was when someone said listen something just because they're doing a
[19:42.280 -> 19:47.360] job that they love. Yeah, I'll tell you what
[19:45.160 -> 19:50.800] helped me, it was when someone said listen
[19:47.360 -> 19:53.400] all of these comments are, is their anger
[19:50.800 -> 19:55.520] just being shared and you just so
[19:53.400 -> 19:59.000] happen to be the person that they're
[19:55.520 -> 20:00.160] they're sharing their their anger or they're
[19:59.000 -> 20:03.400] shouting out or they're angry with the
[20:00.160 -> 20:05.600] world and I think um like we talk often on
[20:03.400 -> 20:06.000] this podcast right about opinion and empathy
[20:06.000 -> 20:09.120] and the difference between the two and we live in a world where people are just desperate
[20:09.120 -> 20:10.120] to have an opinion.
[20:10.120 -> 20:11.120] Yeah.
[20:11.120 -> 20:18.840] See, there's a part that I really agree with you, but then I just think I would, I wouldn't
[20:18.840 -> 20:22.920] do that even if I'd like, you know, I've just spoke about the stuff that I've gone through
[20:22.920 -> 20:23.920] in my life.
[20:23.920 -> 20:26.000] I've been in some very dark places.
[20:26.000 -> 20:33.000] I wouldn't want to put that on anyone else. I wouldn't want to try and bring someone down to a place where I know is dark.
[20:33.000 -> 20:43.000] If anything, even in the book, me sharing the stuff, people going through similar things, I hope that I can help you.
[20:43.000 -> 20:45.000] When you are hurt and it's easy to be,
[20:45.000 -> 20:48.000] oh, what about me and I'm trying to hurt other people.
[20:48.000 -> 20:51.000] When you're actually hurting, that's the time to try and help someone else
[20:51.000 -> 20:55.000] and give them a bit of life, like in their life, I think.
[20:55.000 -> 20:58.000] See, let's jump on that comment there then, Alex,
[20:58.000 -> 21:02.000] because I think the purpose of the podcast is often to help people
[21:02.000 -> 21:09.520] in their own lives, take the lessons that you've learned and do that. yw'r amlwg i'r podcast yw'n amlwg i'w helpu pobl mewn eu bywydau eu hunain i ddewis y wyliadau y gwnaethoch chi'n dysgu ac yn gwneud hynny ac rwy'n credu y mae rhywbeth yn fawr iawn
[21:09.520 -> 21:13.120] am yr hyn rydych chi'n ei ddweud y byddwch chi wedi byw o sefyllfaoedd gwirioneddol
[21:13.120 -> 21:18.400] hynny, os yw, fel plentyn, i'r ddod allan i'ch gyrfa profffesiynol
[21:18.400 -> 21:22.080] ac i gyd, rydych chi'n dod allan o hynny, rydych chi'n dal i'w hysbysu, rydych chi'n dal i'w ddod allan
[21:22.080 -> 21:27.460] a bod yn llwyr. Gwnawon ni rhai o'r technegau y gwnawt i'w ddysgu yna i'w ddysgu You're still smiling. You're still thriving and being successful Give us some of the techniques that you've learned then to cope when you're in those dark places
[21:28.240 -> 21:32.420] Give us some of the two or three tips that you've learned that are most powerful. I
[21:33.840 -> 21:38.920] Think through therapy one. It's knowing when I'm going into those dark places. Okay, I
[21:39.720 -> 21:49.120] Remove myself. I totally switch off and don't want to speak to family and friends right like I'm in my own headspace in that headspace turn it a drink as well
[21:49.120 -> 21:53.600] to try and numb all the noise so what I've learned is where am I getting into
[21:53.600 -> 21:59.560] those dark holes okay so now that I've I know those signs and I think then I
[21:59.560 -> 22:03.160] reach out to people and what are they what are some of those signs that you've
[22:03.160 -> 22:09.040] spotted when you're going down into on that into that black hole remove myself i bobl. A beth yw'r rhain? Beth yw'r rhain o'r sylwadau y byddwch chi'n eu gweld wrth i chi fynd i'r chadarn hwnnw? Rwy'n mynd i'r ffwrdd, ar fy ffyrdd,
[22:09.040 -> 22:12.800] dwi ddim eisiau sôn i unrhyw un, dwi ddim yn ymdrech i'r gysylltiadau neu unrhyw beth. Byddwn yn
[22:12.800 -> 22:16.480] gwneud fy nhau o'r gwaith, dwi ddim eisiau mynd allan i weld fy ffrindiau. Dwi'n
[22:16.480 -> 22:22.240] cael fy nhrechwch, oherwydd dwi ddim yn gallu rhoi unrhyw beth. Ond y peth yw,
[22:22.240 -> 22:28.040] dwi'n hoffi gwaith, felly byddwn yn gweithio'n ddiweddar i'r ddewis y diwethaf a mynd i'r gwaith But the thing is is I love work So I will literally wake up the next morning and go to work and you too. You wouldn't think anything's wrong with me
[22:28.040 -> 22:33.560] Okay, because I can be on and that gives me energy but straight away when the cameras off I'm going home
[22:33.760 -> 22:35.520] Then I'm in a dark place
[22:35.520 -> 22:42.160] So who knows that you've gone there then to be able to come and help dig you out of it now
[22:42.480 -> 22:44.480] through the book and through therapy
[22:45.760 -> 22:43.280] help dig you out of it. Now through the
[22:47.280 -> 22:45.760] book and through therapy people now
[22:48.880 -> 22:47.280] know those signs where they didn't
[22:49.960 -> 22:48.880] before because I think that's where we
[22:52.560 -> 22:49.960] go back when we're talking about
[22:55.120 -> 22:52.560] athletes. You're trained to hide
[22:58.120 -> 22:55.120] everything, you're trained to show
[23:00.280 -> 22:58.120] strength, don't show emotion. So all these
[23:03.760 -> 23:00.280] years and it goes back to the chapter
[23:05.680 -> 23:03.760] with my dad's stuff, I was grown in an
[23:05.760 -> 23:07.920] environment where you only speak when
[23:05.760 -> 23:09.560] you're spoken to. So one I didn't even
[23:07.920 -> 23:12.120] know how to communicate or show emotion,
[23:09.560 -> 23:13.440] you know, it's that survivor instinct,
[23:12.120 -> 23:16.120] I'm gonna be okay no matter what, I
[23:13.440 -> 23:18.800] don't need help from anyone. So now me
[23:16.120 -> 23:21.440] speaking out more, my friends and family
[23:18.800 -> 23:24.240] also know those patterns. Toby So what was the
[23:21.440 -> 23:26.720] first time that you chose to break that
[23:24.240 -> 23:29.000] cycle and of being reclusive and actually reach out and ask for help?
[23:29.000 -> 23:46.000] Going to therapy. I remember I'd just finished, it was on Sky Sports, and I was so happy they'd asked me to do a New Year's game, which was a big thing, we all know over the Christmas period, football, rydym ni'n gwybod, ar gyfer y period Christmas, y ffotbol, dyna pan rydych chi'n at ei gilydd ac rydych chi'n ei ddarlun.
[23:46.000 -> 23:48.000] Felly i mi, i gyd i wneud un o'r showau hynny, roeddwn i'n dweud,
[23:48.000 -> 23:50.000] wow, dyma'n anhygoel.
[23:50.000 -> 23:52.000] Rwy'n cofio, i ddod o'r gêm hwnnw a dod i'r home,
[23:52.000 -> 23:55.000] ac yna pawb eisiau mynd allan ac maen nhw'n cefnogi.
[23:55.000 -> 24:10.200] Rwy'n cofio, i mewn i'r mewn, roedd gen i lawer o troi a'r arloes, ac roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roeddwn i'n... roedd I was high it was at a stage where I was really hiding everything trying to be strong and going home that day drinking a lot of wine watching TV and just
[24:10.200 -> 24:14.160] bursting out crying and I was sitting there I didn't know why I was crying so
[24:14.160 -> 24:18.800] much why would I be crying you know just got a job you know I've got this second
[24:18.800 -> 24:23.000] career everything in my life I'm fine I can pay my bills because that always
[24:23.000 -> 24:28.380] used to be a worry growing up in an area you know I've just got to make some money you know so I can pay my
[24:28.380 -> 24:33.640] bills so everything should be fine from the outside world and here I am sitting
[24:33.640 -> 24:36.800] crying my eyes out and I couldn't understand why and I remember going
[24:36.800 -> 24:40.640] downstairs and walking past the mirror and looking in the mirror and just
[24:40.640 -> 24:50.040] crying like you know that sort of crying where you're like sobbing and the snot's coming out everywhere. And I think it was that night I was like I can't
[24:50.040 -> 24:55.840] continue this in my life, I need help. And then so the next morning I remember
[24:55.840 -> 25:01.640] getting on Google and typing in therapy and that was the start for me. And how
[25:01.640 -> 25:05.960] did that feel though to break that cycle because you've been really successful
[25:06.640 -> 25:10.540] Mm-hmm using the methods that you to survive that you have
[25:11.440 -> 25:16.760] At first I think the night before it was that shame like I'd finally cracked
[25:16.760 -> 25:20.880] I wasn't strong enough anymore because I'm then having to ask for help, you know
[25:20.880 -> 25:25.600] So it was fighting that mindset as well that I've lost, you know, I need to now reach out But then the next so it was fighting that mindset
[25:22.640 -> 25:28.760] as well that I've lost, you know, I need
[25:25.600 -> 25:32.120] to now reach out. But then the next day it
[25:28.760 -> 25:33.560] was scary. I remember typing in and so
[25:32.120 -> 25:35.240] many things are coming up on the
[25:33.560 -> 25:37.000] search engine and then fighting that I
[25:35.240 -> 25:39.600] was like, well those symptoms not me,
[25:37.000 -> 25:41.640] that symptoms me, what's this C, I don't
[25:39.600 -> 25:43.520] know what that means and going for all
[25:41.640 -> 25:46.160] of this long list and then just finding
[25:43.520 -> 25:49.160] someone and the process I remember when it was someone local in the area going in there
[25:49.160 -> 25:53.280] because I suppose we all grew up with therapy I know I did when people in the
[25:53.280 -> 25:56.140] past would be like maybe you should go to therapy and speak to someone and my
[25:56.140 -> 25:59.600] first reaction would be I don't need someone to tell me about myself like
[25:59.600 -> 26:03.960] they don't know me but then going into that room it was not the best experience
[26:03.960 -> 26:09.840] to be honest I had someone just sitting across from me, very just saying, yes, no, and it made me feel
[26:09.840 -> 26:14.200] uncomfortable. And then so I went back to the same pattern for a week of going home,
[26:14.200 -> 26:19.880] drinking and crying. And I remember Sporting Chance. I knew someone that had been to Sporting
[26:19.880 -> 26:25.200] Chance, which was, do you know about sporting charts and I remember reaching
[26:25.200 -> 26:27.880] out to them and I've been going to see
[26:27.880 -> 26:30.280] someone at sporting chance since then
[26:30.280 -> 26:32.760] and you still see them today yeah yeah
[26:32.760 -> 26:35.360] actually my last session with him
[26:35.360 -> 26:38.480] because I knew the weight of the book
[26:38.480 -> 26:40.920] I'd worked through a lot of stuff it's
[26:40.920 -> 26:43.480] really interesting because the narrative
[26:43.480 -> 26:46.240] around me is the
[26:44.080 -> 26:48.720] trolls push me into therapy when
[26:46.240 -> 26:50.280] actually no that was just the the end
[26:48.720 -> 26:53.320] part. I'd been through so much in my
[26:50.280 -> 26:58.760] life from my dad through retiring from
[26:53.320 -> 27:01.720] football to everything that I'd been on a
[26:58.760 -> 27:04.400] journey through therapy that I needed to
[27:01.720 -> 27:06.640] he was a light he was an angel sent to
[27:04.400 -> 27:06.000] me but going to see him my last session oedd yn ffyrdd. Roedd yn angel, a oedd wedi'i gilio i mi, ond wrth fy mod i'w gweld yn fy
[27:06.000 -> 27:09.840] gweithdrau diwethaf, roeddwn i'n gwybod y pwysau o'r llyfr a'r pethau a oedd yn dod yn y
[27:09.840 -> 27:14.560] sgwrsau a oeddwn i'n mynd i'w gael. Felly, ie, rwy'n eu hapusu o'i gilydd
[27:14.560 -> 27:19.200] y byd yn fy bywyd, ac rwy ddim yn ymdrech i, neu dwi ddim yn ymdrech i ddweud hynny.
[27:19.200 -> 27:29.920] A oes gennych chi'n meddwl am rannu gyda ni rhai o'r wyliau y mae'n ddysgu chi mewn therapeutiaid, y byddwch chi'n deall, yw'r myfyrwyr sy'n teimlo eu hunain yn y meysydd ychydig,
[27:29.920 -> 27:33.240] a allai eu defnyddio eu hunain?
[27:33.240 -> 27:37.160] Rwy'n cael rhan o unrhyw beth, mae'n sgwrs,
[27:37.160 -> 27:38.560] dyma pam rwy'n cael rhan o'r swydd rydw i'n ei wneud,
[27:38.560 -> 27:41.520] oherwydd rwy'n cael i mewn i gael sgwrs,
[27:41.520 -> 27:44.560] a gall pobl gweld y byd
[27:44.560 -> 27:45.760] a rhoi eich meddwl yn wahanol i'w un conversations and people can see the
[27:43.680 -> 27:47.960] world and give you an opinion totally
[27:45.760 -> 27:50.040] different to your own and make you think
[27:47.960 -> 27:52.320] of something that you never saw it in
[27:50.040 -> 27:54.600] that way before and I think sitting in
[27:52.320 -> 27:56.240] therapy it's not a friend it's not a
[27:54.600 -> 27:58.640] family member that will have their
[27:56.240 -> 28:00.680] opinion on your friend or your job that
[27:58.640 -> 28:03.720] you're doing it's someone totally
[28:00.680 -> 28:06.200] removed from that and can see things make
[28:03.720 -> 28:06.440] you see things in a totally rounded way
[28:06.440 -> 28:09.040] that you're just like, yeah, I understand that
[28:09.040 -> 28:10.800] and I needed to hear that.
[28:10.800 -> 28:13.240] And sometimes it's brutal, and that's what I need,
[28:13.240 -> 28:16.240] the real, the raw honesty in it.
[28:16.240 -> 28:19.720] And sometimes I may be driving and being like,
[28:19.720 -> 28:22.160] I don't need to see him today, I've got nothing to say.
[28:22.160 -> 28:29.960] And actually those sessions end up being the best ones. I come away feeling lighter of everything that I've been carrying and sometimes
[28:29.960 -> 28:33.760] I didn't even know I was carrying.
[28:33.760 -> 28:38.100] What do you do now when you apart from going to see your therapist? What are the techniques
[28:38.100 -> 28:42.120] and the tips the mental techniques and tips that you've been given that you can rely on
[28:42.120 -> 28:45.120] when you need them and there will be people listening to this right that are still
[28:45.120 -> 28:48.700] In the place that you were. Yeah when you were a footballer, which is be strong
[28:49.220 -> 28:53.140] Bottle it out. Well the the misnomer of being strong. I mean, it's not really a strength
[28:53.140 -> 28:58.140] Is it that but that sense that sharing is weakness and dealing with it yourself is a strength
[28:58.540 -> 29:02.140] So now what what do you do when you've sent something or you have even?
[29:02.580 -> 29:07.520] How you think before you go on air because people don't realize how exposing it is being a TV presenter.
[29:07.520 -> 29:09.600] You're not hiding behind a football shirt anymore.
[29:09.600 -> 29:10.600] Yeah.
[29:10.600 -> 29:12.320] Well, I think the whole thing about strength.
[29:12.320 -> 29:17.780] That's why I named the book what it is how not to be strong because it's what I've learned
[29:17.780 -> 29:22.760] about myself removing all of that showing the vulnerabilities and actually allowed to
[29:22.760 -> 29:23.760] be yourself.
[29:23.760 -> 29:46.260] I now know I need to take time for myself and I don't have to apologize for that. a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau a'r galluau Even though I've got a podcast on in my in my ears and I can hear the the messages coming through and having a shirt
[29:46.260 -> 29:53.360] To be like no, I'm not replying to your messages until I get home and it just gives me that time
[29:53.680 -> 29:55.680] For myself to think about the world
[29:56.200 -> 29:59.600] What I need to do and it puts me in a better headspace
[30:01.120 -> 30:04.720] What can we all do to be more supportive of people who are
[30:04.700 -> 30:05.440] Um, what can we all do to be more supportive of people who are
[30:10.000 -> 30:15.580] Taking criticism or having a hard time like it's interesting you picked up on the you know The why seven air about Karen Carney it like I work with Karen obviously as I was and it just got it
[30:15.580 -> 30:18.560] It was just for me as the parent of a daughter
[30:18.680 -> 30:24.840] I couldn't stand and watch it and I and I think allyship is a really important conversation that we should maybe have
[30:24.920 -> 30:27.660] You know the whole thing with Kaz as well
[30:27.660 -> 30:30.880] So me and Kaz were roommates for England basically grew up together
[30:30.880 -> 30:37.860] And I'd already gone through a high of what I'd gone through and I remember I was at home watching the game and her saying
[30:37.860 -> 30:42.040] that and then literally seeing an instant reaction on Twitter and
[30:42.640 -> 30:48.380] Straight away. I panicked I had the fear because I knew what was gonna come her way.
[30:48.380 -> 30:50.440] And getting on the phone to her, messaging her,
[30:50.440 -> 30:53.680] checking in, I remember messaging Gabby Logan,
[30:53.680 -> 30:56.200] Matt, who you know, producer at BT,
[30:56.200 -> 30:57.940] being like, you need to get these, take this out.
[30:57.940 -> 31:00.840] I was trying to do everything I can to protect Kaz
[31:00.840 -> 31:03.600] because I knew what was gonna come her way.
[31:03.600 -> 31:05.520] And the fear in that that I had for her
[31:06.240 -> 31:11.280] and obviously it's awful like we don't want anyone to go through that I've been through it like no
[31:12.000 -> 31:18.720] but I think what we need to start doing I remember saying on air one time is because you get on
[31:18.720 -> 31:29.240] social media and it's all the negative but what we're not good at doing is praising people we need to start flooding the if you think someone's been great if you even like
[31:29.240 -> 31:33.160] what they're wearing or just little bits don't be scared to say it I know it's
[31:33.160 -> 31:36.880] kind of sometimes our culture we find it hard to praise people we're like we
[31:36.880 -> 31:40.280] can't say that can we we're in America is totally opposite you know just
[31:40.280 -> 31:44.160] walking down I like your shirt today yeah you like really this shirt our
[31:44.160 -> 31:45.160] reaction would be, oh no
[31:45.160 -> 31:47.920] This is an old one, you know straight away. We go to the negative
[31:48.840 -> 31:56.220] So I think it's just reminding people that it's okay to praise someone and so maybe people will start seeing that and it will
[31:56.220 -> 31:59.080] Start balancing out a little bit and how happy are you?
[31:59.800 -> 32:05.900] Today, you know, you've written the book which is without that. I'm sure a cathartic process. I would say I'm okay
[32:05.900 -> 32:07.900] I would say I'm in a good place
[32:08.520 -> 32:14.180] There's a lot of stuff that I know that I'm gonna have to go through these next couple of weeks regarding the book
[32:16.740 -> 32:21.920] You talk about going back to my dad, you know in my head you had the fairy tale ending
[32:22.120 -> 32:28.440] Which is out of this and how I wrote the chapter chapter he will knows I don't want anyone to judge him I always think that
[32:28.440 -> 32:33.520] a person has changed and he's this amazing person now a good person but I
[32:33.520 -> 32:39.220] know I'm already going through stuff with that but actually the book as I
[32:39.220 -> 32:45.600] said before I want my mom to come out shining. I want her to have that weight lifted off her.
[32:45.600 -> 32:49.560] So that is what makes me happy today.
[32:49.560 -> 32:50.400] I did-
[32:50.400 -> 32:51.220] Has she read it, Alex?
[32:51.220 -> 32:52.060] Yeah, she has.
[32:52.060 -> 32:53.080] While you were writing it or after it was-
[32:53.080 -> 32:54.040] No, till the end.
[32:54.040 -> 32:55.440] So she didn't know anything.
[32:55.440 -> 32:59.200] Like I said, I'm literally mum, I'm telling my story.
[32:59.200 -> 33:00.520] But I don't think she even,
[33:00.520 -> 33:02.240] she didn't even, we've grown up
[33:02.240 -> 33:03.960] not being able to communicate.
[33:03.960 -> 33:08.760] So reading the
[33:04.800 -> 33:10.520] book was hard for her to hear me
[33:08.760 -> 33:12.200] talking about what I knew as a kid,
[33:10.520 -> 33:14.200] because I suppose when you grow up in an
[33:12.200 -> 33:16.240] environment like that, you don't know
[33:14.200 -> 33:18.040] what your kids have seen or what they've
[33:16.240 -> 33:19.920] heard, because you're trying to be the
[33:18.040 -> 33:23.040] strong one. Well that struck me when I
[33:19.920 -> 33:25.040] was reading it, that I think, I think for
[33:23.040 -> 33:26.000] parents sometimes that are in conflict, i'r llyfr, rwy'n credu, rwy'n credu, ar gyfer myfyrwyr, weithiau, sy'n ymgynghori, mae
[33:26.000 -> 33:30.960] ddifrifolion y bydd y plant ddim yn y stryd, nid ydyn nhw'n ei weld neu'n clywed,
[33:30.960 -> 33:36.480] ond mewn gwirionedd, mae'r realiaeth yw eich meddwl yn gallu bod yn fwy iawn na'r realiaeth
[33:36.480 -> 33:40.320] a allai fod. Iawn. Roeddech chi hefyd yn siarad am y ffaith nad oeddech chi'n siarad yn y
[33:40.320 -> 33:45.720] ffyrdd. Roeddech chi'n gwybod, roeddech chi'n siarad am gydgathledaethau ac mae gennych chi'r you were five, you know, or you spoke
[33:42.800 -> 33:49.400] about relationships and you've got the
[33:45.720 -> 33:52.240] sense of being an independent. So I
[33:49.400 -> 33:54.160] think what really intrigued me was a phrase
[33:52.240 -> 33:56.200] that we sometimes use on the podcast of
[33:54.160 -> 33:58.440] what are the ghosts of your childhoods
[33:56.200 -> 34:00.640] that still rattle around your adult body?
[33:58.440 -> 34:04.360] You know, things that you haven't
[34:00.640 -> 34:07.240] resolved yet or questions or situations
[34:04.360 -> 34:07.760] that you're trying to yet or questions or situations that you're
[34:04.600 -> 34:10.160] trying to fix, what are those that are
[34:07.760 -> 34:13.440] still there? It goes back to be it is
[34:10.160 -> 34:16.840] little Alex, little Alex still trapped in
[34:13.440 -> 34:19.680] that environment, where you don't
[34:16.840 -> 34:22.320] speak until you're spoken to or the
[34:19.680 -> 34:24.400] reaction of that, which now leads into
[34:22.320 -> 34:25.680] that imposter syndrome. To be honest,
[34:24.400 -> 34:26.440] like you
[34:24.680 -> 34:29.120] shouldn't be in the room like, I'm not
[34:26.440 -> 34:31.600] worthy enough, I don't deserve to have
[34:29.120 -> 34:33.280] either that praise or an award or people
[34:31.600 -> 34:36.320] say that, you know, you're good at your
[34:33.280 -> 34:38.000] job. Like, I don't deserve it because it
[34:36.320 -> 34:40.920] goes back to being that little Alex trapped
[34:38.000 -> 34:42.520] in that environment and that's my
[34:40.920 -> 34:44.640] journey through therapy that I'm still
[34:42.520 -> 34:47.000] working on. So when you were going into
[34:44.640 -> 34:46.720] like the Arsenal dressing room, yeah, the my journey through therapy that I'm still working on. So when you were going
[34:44.320 -> 34:48.160] into like the Arsenal dressing room, yeah,
[34:46.720 -> 34:50.440] the England dressing room, was that
[34:48.160 -> 34:52.840] imposter syndrome? Yeah. Was little Alex still
[34:50.440 -> 34:56.400] there? Yeah. Asking how are we here? Which goes,
[34:52.840 -> 34:59.840] I didn't know that I was a leader or a
[34:56.400 -> 35:02.080] captain until I went to America, because
[34:59.840 -> 35:04.240] I grew up in an Arsenal environment, the
[35:02.080 -> 35:07.560] same thing. One, I was trying to prove a
[35:04.240 -> 35:05.680] coach that, why can thing. One, I was trying to prove a coach
[35:05.680 -> 35:08.120] that why can't he see that I love Arsenal?
[35:08.120 -> 35:09.760] I've been here since I was eight,
[35:09.760 -> 35:11.360] but he didn't believe in me.
[35:11.360 -> 35:14.140] It's weird because everyone sees my Arsenal journey
[35:14.140 -> 35:17.320] and my connection and Alex's Arsenal through and through,
[35:17.320 -> 35:20.460] which I am, but actually it was hard.
[35:20.460 -> 35:24.240] I had to constantly prove my coach that I love the club
[35:24.240 -> 35:26.860] and why doesn't he see that I would do anything for this
[35:26.860 -> 35:27.340] You know
[35:27.340 -> 35:27.740] actually
[35:27.740 -> 35:34.940] It pushed me to an extent that the mindset I had to run faster than anyone I had to prove my fitness just so he could
[35:34.940 -> 35:36.700] See something in me
[35:36.700 -> 35:41.540] But I was around leaders. It's funny that Lee I think leadership has changed so much
[35:42.060 -> 35:49.280] That but I was in a in a changing room that it was a loud voice the loudest ones where I was just small I was just
[35:49.280 -> 35:52.880] like no I'm not gonna speak I'm just gonna sit here and then I went over to
[35:52.880 -> 35:58.360] America and actually I was put in a leadership group and Tony Tachiko he's
[35:58.360 -> 36:02.200] passed away now but he was the guy in the 99ers you know he was part of the
[36:02.200 -> 36:08.800] me-ham he was like the head coach then, he was like, you don't see in yourself that everyone responds to you,
[36:08.800 -> 36:14.160] everyone listens to you, and it's like me, like people were listening to me, he was
[36:14.160 -> 36:17.640] like, you've got leadership qualities that you don't even know. When I read your
[36:17.640 -> 36:21.760] book I saw the parallels and I'm conscious what I say here might appear
[36:21.760 -> 36:26.560] crass and it isn't intended to, but you know the situation you describe your mum? Dwi'n syniadus bod yr hyn rwy'n ei ddweud yn ddiddorol ac nid yw'n ei ymwneud â hynny, ond ydych chi'n gwybod y sylwadau rydych chi'n ei ddifrifio i'w mam?
[36:26.560 -> 36:27.040] Ie, ie.
[36:27.040 -> 36:34.000] Rydych chi mewn gysylltiad agorol ac yna ymlaen y gwnaethoch chi ddod allan i'r llyfr fel y dywedwch chi.
[36:34.000 -> 36:34.640] Ie.
[36:34.640 -> 36:39.760] A gwnaethoch chi'r parallelau gyda'ch carrer Arsenal yn y ffordd honno, eich bod chi'n gwneud y byddwch chi'n teimlo'n
[36:39.760 -> 36:46.440] ddymuno i fod eisiau ac y byddwch chi'n cael eu rhannw'r unig peth pan ddod i'r ffyrdd i'r llun,
[36:46.440 -> 36:48.720] yw'n dechrau ymdrechu a'i ffynnu.
[36:48.720 -> 36:50.960] A oedd gennych chi'r parallelau hynny?
[36:50.960 -> 36:52.080] Ie.
[36:52.080 -> 36:54.560] Roeddwn i hefyd yn deall, yn yr un fath gyda fy mab,
[36:54.560 -> 36:56.240] gyda'r coac arsenal,
[36:56.240 -> 36:57.560] roeddwn i eisiau iddyn nhw liu fi.
[36:57.560 -> 36:58.520] Ie.
[36:58.520 -> 37:01.080] Doedd gen i ddim anger,
[37:01.080 -> 37:03.120] mae'n dal i ddod â'r anger gyda fy mab,
[37:03.120 -> 37:04.000] gyda'r coac.
[37:04.000 -> 37:06.220] Y peth cyntaf, mae'n anodd, oherwydd os ydym yn siarad am y coac, from me at all. There's still no anger with my dad, with my coach. Like the first thing, it's weird because
[37:06.220 -> 37:07.900] if we're talking about the coach, even people know,
[37:07.900 -> 37:12.140] it's Vic Akers, who's done so much for women's football.
[37:12.140 -> 37:14.060] And that's always what I go back to.
[37:14.060 -> 37:17.740] Like women's football owes Vic so much.
[37:17.740 -> 37:22.460] But actually that relationship with me wasn't a good one.
[37:22.460 -> 37:26.400] He didn't, yeah, goes
[37:23.620 -> 37:28.880] back to not believing in me, having
[37:26.400 -> 37:30.200] judgments on me, I would say that he
[37:28.880 -> 37:33.160] didn't even know that he was doing that
[37:30.200 -> 37:35.640] constant putting me down, like I wasn't
[37:33.160 -> 37:38.200] good enough, like constantly it hurt
[37:35.640 -> 37:41.360] so much. And I said it's not till I left
[37:38.200 -> 37:43.040] the environment I found myself. But when
[37:41.360 -> 37:45.240] you're in an environment like that, which
[37:43.040 -> 37:49.120] is kind of toxic to an extent you don't even know until you remove yourself and you're like wow and
[37:49.120 -> 37:54.240] I literally went from yeah I was already a right back for England but going to
[37:54.240 -> 37:58.120] America where people were telling me that I'm gonna be the best right back in
[37:58.120 -> 38:03.240] the world to believe in it like these people could see something in me like it
[38:03.240 -> 38:06.440] was absolutely incredible my personality in a changing room,
[38:06.440 -> 38:09.120] I was the one dancing and getting everyone up
[38:09.120 -> 38:12.120] before a game, like that positive energy
[38:12.120 -> 38:14.400] is what I knew I thrive off.
[38:14.400 -> 38:17.440] Which Jake goes back to your one, growing up,
[38:17.440 -> 38:20.300] that mindset, I don't know where you learn it from,
[38:20.300 -> 38:23.200] but I was always thinking about a positive situation.
[38:24.360 -> 38:27.460] Because you had to, because were in in such a negative situation
[38:27.680 -> 38:31.120] The only thing you can do with your young immature brain
[38:31.680 -> 38:34.600] Hearing your dad attack your mom is to take yourself to a positive place
[38:34.600 -> 38:39.480] Yeah, and it's always such a difficult thing to square off in your own mind that all of those
[38:40.160 -> 38:42.160] really hard nasty
[38:42.680 -> 38:47.480] Experiences they are not totally separate to the success you've had in your life
[38:47.480 -> 38:54.080] Yeah, there's a very good case here that without those negative experiences all your achievements haven't happened
[38:54.080 -> 38:58.400] Yeah, and that's why I sit here and I don't ever say I'm not a victim of anything
[38:58.760 -> 39:07.360] like I I know that that has given me things in my life to either push through those situations of the fear or,
[39:07.360 -> 39:08.760] and it's led me to this,
[39:08.760 -> 39:10.960] that I know I can deal with certain things.
[39:10.960 -> 39:13.160] I'm the character I am now.
[39:13.160 -> 39:15.400] Like when I'm talking about Vic,
[39:15.400 -> 39:19.000] him, that tough love and how he was with me
[39:19.000 -> 39:21.320] actually pushed me to levels
[39:21.320 -> 39:23.840] that I might not have got to with a coach then
[39:23.840 -> 39:27.980] who constantly put their arm around me or told me, oh oh you're gonna be the best right back or you're
[39:27.980 -> 39:32.820] gonna be this no it wouldn't have got me to where I am.
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[42:22.480 -> 42:27.500] So how do you now choose the people that you have in your life I need positive people around me
[42:27.500 -> 42:33.120] I need people that see a world from a different angle that can have those conversations
[42:33.120 -> 42:37.180] You know you surround yourself with people that are going to give you that energy
[42:37.180 -> 42:42.120] I don't remember what book it was back in the day, but you know, don't be an energy sapper
[42:42.120 -> 42:42.580] Yeah
[42:42.580 -> 42:48.880] you know those people that constantly they just offload everything or we can't do this or why always mean you just like
[42:49.260 -> 42:53.720] Actually, how are you gonna change that? How are you gonna make it happen? You know, what's the situation?
[42:53.720 -> 42:54.960] What's the outcome here?
[42:54.960 -> 42:58.920] You just like need to flip things and have a different view on things sometimes
[42:59.280 -> 43:05.260] And have you have you realized that life's a team sport now because I think for a long time in your life Alex Scott
[43:05.260 -> 43:08.540] Yeah dealt with any problem that was in Alex Scott's way
[43:09.060 -> 43:15.480] And by the way, that's not the answer. Yeah for anyone listening to this. Are you there yet? I'm there
[43:15.480 -> 43:21.800] It's interesting because yeah, I would say I've always been a team player always
[43:22.480 -> 43:25.520] But like you
[43:23.280 -> 43:27.320] said there's situations in there like if
[43:25.520 -> 43:29.000] I'm assembling furniture and someone
[43:27.320 -> 43:31.080] wants to help me that's when I'm like I
[43:29.000 -> 43:34.440] can do it myself like I'm alright but
[43:31.080 -> 43:37.640] actually I know even in broadcasting like
[43:34.440 -> 43:40.520] I don't stand there or I'm on TV it's
[43:37.640 -> 43:43.520] never about me I love being part of a
[43:40.520 -> 43:47.040] team bouncing off someone alongside me
[43:43.520 -> 43:45.280] that conversation. So I
[43:45.280 -> 43:51.160] think, yeah, I'm totally there in terms of asking for help and accepting that and
[43:51.160 -> 43:54.040] not being that individual in that sense. Yeah.
[43:54.040 -> 43:58.000] So tell us then, what makes a great team player? Because I think we talk about
[43:58.000 -> 44:01.760] leadership a lot and people, but there's lots of people that listen to this that
[44:01.760 -> 44:05.520] are not gonna lead but they want to be part of a team. And I was in, so I Mae llawer o bobl sy'n clywed hyn, nad ydyn nhw'n mynd i'r leid, ond byddai'n rhan o'r tîm.
[44:05.520 -> 44:10.080] A dwi'n teimlo... felly dwi ddim yn gofyn i chi y cwestiwn hon, ond rwy'n ceisio ei gysylltu â'r un
[44:10.080 -> 44:15.360] mae'r cymaint o eich gilydd yn gweithio yn y llwybr ddrawg, ar Arsenal, i mi.
[44:15.360 -> 44:17.760] Rwy'n cofio... wrth i ni ddysgu hwnnw, rwy'n meddwl...
[44:17.760 -> 44:20.480] Mae'n dweud, dwi ddim yn hoffi'r rhaglenau TV.
[44:20.480 -> 44:23.760] Ond rwy'n cofio'r rhaglenau TV, fel mae'r bos yn mynd i'r fflwr,
[44:23.760 -> 44:28.120] ac yna maen nhw'n gweld beth mae'n wir yn ddweud, yn hytrach na'r bydd y byd yn ffynnu o ddewis. But remember those TV programs where like the boss goes back to the floor and then they see what it's really like rather than assuming the world smells of fresh paint.
[44:28.120 -> 44:29.120] Yeah.
[44:29.120 -> 44:31.000] I think that's invaluable as well.
[44:31.000 -> 44:35.720] So I wanted to marry that experience with the question of how do you be a great team
[44:35.720 -> 44:36.720] player?
[44:36.720 -> 44:40.980] You're making me smile thinking about the laundry days because once again, it's hard,
[44:40.980 -> 44:44.040] it's easy to go to the negative situation in that.
[44:44.040 -> 44:48.780] Like I'm in a laundry, I'm scrubbing dirty pants, like when Arsenal have played the night before,
[44:48.780 -> 44:53.100] you know, it's been a rainy muddy day and there's me on a Monday trying to get the
[44:53.100 -> 44:58.700] mud out of their shorts and everything. Actually, that environment allowed me to
[44:58.700 -> 45:02.680] learn so much. You know, I got an amazing lunch every day, which was like the best
[45:02.680 -> 45:05.920] lunch ever. But yeah, I was in a football environment.
[45:05.920 -> 45:11.200] Yeah, I was having conversations with Arsene Wenger, players coming in after training,
[45:11.200 -> 45:15.240] and I'm having conversations with a Thierry Henry about football.
[45:15.240 -> 45:19.640] So that's where my mindset goes that you can think about, I'm just locked away in this
[45:19.640 -> 45:22.000] room and it's like, why am I doing this?
[45:22.000 -> 45:27.560] But actually, I'm learning so much. And actually the little money that I did get paid
[45:27.560 -> 45:30.440] by doing that allowed me to buy my first house
[45:30.440 -> 45:32.120] when I was 21, you know?
[45:32.120 -> 45:34.800] And they're the winning bits for me in life
[45:34.800 -> 45:37.400] coming from an estate that I did that,
[45:37.400 -> 45:38.840] oh my gosh, working in a laundry
[45:38.840 -> 45:40.480] has allowed me to buy a first house.
[45:40.480 -> 45:45.800] So there's so many things that I grow and learn off that. But going back
[45:45.800 -> 45:50.040] to being an ultimate team player, I think what I've learned is, you know
[45:50.040 -> 45:56.200] everyone's importance and what everyone brings to make you all get to that level.
[45:56.200 -> 46:00.880] You all want to be successful and you all play such an important part in
[46:00.880 -> 46:07.760] making that happen. It is never about the me in a team. It is about the way that sounds really cliche
[46:08.920 -> 46:13.020] But it really is so even when I know I had the armband
[46:13.020 -> 46:18.300] I was the captain but what I actually learned in that role and it's not no one taught me
[46:18.300 -> 46:24.800] I think because it's what I felt when I wasn't a captain or sometimes how I felt I was removed or my voice wasn't
[46:26.000 -> 46:34.000] valued yeah that pan ddim yn y captain, neu weithiau fel fy mod i'n teimlo bod wedi'i ddod allan, neu nad oedd fy sylw yn ddifrifol, mae pob un yn ei chynhyrchu. Ac weithiau, y person sy ddim yn siarad efallai mae'r peth pwysicrwydd i'w ddweud,
[46:34.000 -> 46:37.000] ac mae angen i chi ddod allan i gael eu sylw.
[46:37.000 -> 46:41.000] Rwy'n hoffi hynny, mae'n ymddangos i ni pan ydym wedi ymweld â Kevin Sinfield, y chwaraewr o'r Llyfrgell Rugby,
[46:41.000 -> 46:46.000] a dweud bod e'n ei ddod allan arno ar 12 oeded, a oedd yn cofio ei edrych a'i meddwl,
[46:46.000 -> 46:48.000] mae'n well nad oes, mae'n fwy nad oes,
[46:48.000 -> 46:50.000] mae'n fwy nad oes, a oedd yn dweud,
[46:50.000 -> 46:52.000] beth allaf i wneud? A oedd yn dweud ei swydd
[46:52.000 -> 46:54.000] oedd i wneud pob un yn well.
[46:54.000 -> 46:56.000] Ac dyna sut oedd yn troi rôl yn y tîm.
[46:56.000 -> 46:58.000] Y cwestiwn rydw i wedi dysgu
[46:58.000 -> 47:00.000] pan ddewisais i America,
[47:00.000 -> 47:02.000] dewisais i'r Boston Breakers,
[47:02.000 -> 47:04.000] ac roedd y Pro League wedi'i set up.
[47:04.000 -> 47:07.160] Dewisais i'r t into the same team as Heather Mitts
[47:07.160 -> 47:10.040] who was the best right back in the world at the time,
[47:10.040 -> 47:13.160] golden girl of women's football around the world.
[47:13.160 -> 47:15.080] And straight away, everyone's pitting us together.
[47:15.080 -> 47:16.400] Why is this gonna work?
[47:16.400 -> 47:17.480] Who's gonna play?
[47:17.480 -> 47:18.760] This is not possible.
[47:18.760 -> 47:20.600] And straight away, people were telling me like,
[47:20.600 -> 47:22.200] Al, you can't go to America to play.
[47:22.200 -> 47:23.240] Like, you're not gonna play.
[47:23.240 -> 47:25.740] You're gonna like go from playing for Arsenal in England. You're gonna sit on the bench. And I was like, oh, you can't go to America to play, like you're not gonna play, you're gonna like go from playing for Arsenal in England,
[47:25.740 -> 47:27.480] you're gonna sit on the bench.
[47:27.480 -> 47:29.920] And I was like, oh, you might have a point.
[47:29.920 -> 47:32.320] But actually, no, I've just been drafted.
[47:32.320 -> 47:35.200] I was lucky enough to be drafted into the pro league
[47:35.200 -> 47:37.760] where all the best players are gonna play.
[47:37.760 -> 47:40.080] I remember me and Heather,
[47:40.080 -> 47:43.160] me and Heather became the closest of friends.
[47:43.160 -> 47:46.580] Heather ultimately lost her place to me in the team,
[47:46.580 -> 47:48.220] but Heather would stay behind,
[47:48.220 -> 47:50.980] make me stay behind with her all the time.
[47:50.980 -> 47:52.660] She was like, okay, you're great at this,
[47:52.660 -> 47:54.860] but your left foot should be better.
[47:54.860 -> 47:57.460] And so she would have me pinging balls with her
[47:57.460 -> 48:00.260] after training to make me better.
[48:00.260 -> 48:03.380] And I think that sums up the mentality
[48:03.380 -> 48:06.000] of why the American team have been so successful
[48:06.000 -> 48:11.400] because they know ultimately they need everyone to be good at the level to ultimately win.
[48:11.400 -> 48:16.600] Where I'd been in an England environment up to that point where players would sit on the bench and be like,
[48:16.600 -> 48:19.400] well, she's crap, I should be playing ahead of her or why is this?
[48:19.400 -> 48:22.600] It was like that moaning negative environment.
[48:22.600 -> 48:26.160] And so that was a big lesson for me learning from Heather Mitz.
[48:26.160 -> 48:32.240] And I remember fast forward to when I got to a stage where Lucy Bronze came in at such a young
[48:32.240 -> 48:37.760] right back. And I knew straight away once she had a mentality like me, she was unapologetic of putting
[48:37.760 -> 48:42.560] in the hard work because she wanted to be the best. And I absolutely loved it. And I knew I
[48:42.560 -> 48:47.000] had to do what Heather Mitz did for meod o'r ffordd i Lucy,
[48:47.000 -> 48:50.000] gael sgwrs gyda ni a chynnal ni i'r lle.
[48:50.000 -> 48:52.000] Felly pan ddewisodd eich gwaith,
[48:52.000 -> 48:55.000] roedd yn yr un cyfeiriad, oherwydd roedd yn y bwys.
[48:55.000 -> 48:57.000] Dwi'n teimlo hynny'n ddiddorol iawn,
[48:57.000 -> 49:00.000] oherwydd rydw i'n meddwl os ydych chi'n ymwneud â'r coach,
[49:00.000 -> 49:03.000] byddwch chi'n dweud, sut dwi'n cael y meddwl honno?
[49:03.000 -> 49:06.800] Y gwybodaeth bod rhywun yn ddigon llwyr chi'n dweud, sut i ddod i mewn i'r meiddiant hwnnw? Y gwybodaeth y byddai rhywun yn ddigon llwyr ei hun
[49:06.800 -> 49:10.000] i ddeall bod fi'n rhaid i mi ddod o'r ddau
[49:10.000 -> 49:12.000] mewn le mwy naill.
[49:12.000 -> 49:15.000] Pa fath o sgwrs oeddech chi'n cael gyda'ch hun
[49:15.000 -> 49:17.000] na allai Little Alex,
[49:17.000 -> 49:20.000] a oedd wedi teimlo'n anodd gyda hynny,
[49:20.000 -> 49:22.000] i ddod i mewn i weld Lucy
[49:22.000 -> 49:26.360] a chael y cyfioedd i gofyn a hyrwyddo ar y prif profiad rydych chi wedi profi. be able to see Lucy come in and have the confidence to encourage and nurture her
[49:24.720 -> 49:29.040] beyond the experience that you've
[49:26.360 -> 49:31.840] experienced. To be honest I don't know
[49:29.040 -> 49:34.920] if I hadn't have been in that process with
[49:31.840 -> 49:36.880] a Heather Mitz, I don't know, it's a
[49:34.920 -> 49:38.920] learned behavior, that's why I say maybe
[49:36.880 -> 49:39.920] you surround yourself with the right
[49:38.920 -> 49:41.600] people that you know you're gonna grow
[49:39.920 -> 49:44.160] and you're gonna learn from, that
[49:41.600 -> 49:46.920] growth mindset right? And I would never
[49:44.160 -> 49:48.880] forget what Heather did for me. And it was at the time, it was the American
[49:48.880 -> 49:52.800] culture of, I'll give you another example, I remember we're doing a fitness drill
[49:52.800 -> 49:56.320] and there was a girl, Tiffany Weimer, she was the most, one of the most skillful
[49:56.320 -> 50:00.360] players but her fitness was shocking, absolutely shocking. And then us doing
[50:00.360 -> 50:03.900] this drill, I remember finishing second behind Christine Lilly and I was
[50:03.900 -> 50:07.280] celebrating like, this is great, like the Americans fitness level is up there
[50:07.280 -> 50:11.300] Christine Lilly turned around and shouted to me after me celebrating I've just
[50:11.300 -> 50:14.400] finished while everyone else is still running she's like you get back out
[50:14.400 -> 50:19.500] there Scotty and you get Tiffany across the line and I was like it's like excuse
[50:19.500 -> 50:24.740] me like what like and then so Christine and me were then having to run extra
[50:24.740 -> 50:25.260] because we'd
[50:25.260 -> 50:30.160] finished early so it was kind of easier for us to get our teammate across the
[50:30.160 -> 50:34.240] line with us and that was another important lesson for me that what you're
[50:34.240 -> 50:39.080] only as strong as your weakest link and we needed Tiffany and her support our
[50:39.080 -> 50:43.960] support for her made her feel better that day that she wasn't the last one
[50:43.960 -> 50:49.000] struggling and we're all on the sideline being I'll look at Tiffany again no she needed that
[50:49.000 -> 50:55.280] support from us and so what do you now believe is strong leadership proper
[50:55.280 -> 50:59.480] leadership what should we be looking for in our leaders creating the right
[50:59.480 -> 51:06.480] environment you know a strong leader isn't afraid to listen to everyone and take advice from
[51:06.480 -> 51:11.960] people and ultimately you know you're gonna make a decision but having the
[51:11.960 -> 51:16.440] courage to be like, I want your opinion, okay, I agree with some bits, I don't
[51:16.440 -> 51:20.480] agree with some bits, having those conversations and learning and creating
[51:20.480 -> 51:24.920] an environment where everyone feels valued, I think that's the biggest thing,
[51:24.920 -> 51:25.380] everyone a part of the team and not even the people that ultimately are stepping and creating an environment where everyone feels valued. I think that's the biggest thing.
[51:25.380 -> 51:27.140] Everyone, a part of the team,
[51:27.140 -> 51:29.840] and not even the people that ultimately are stepping either,
[51:29.840 -> 51:32.040] I'm just using football, onto the pitch,
[51:32.040 -> 51:34.400] but people working in the environment as well,
[51:34.400 -> 51:37.640] knowing that they're valued, that their part matters,
[51:37.640 -> 51:40.600] ultimately to the whole success of the team.
[51:40.600 -> 51:43.320] And are you aware of how much of a leader you are?
[51:43.320 -> 51:50.940] Do you consider yourself a leader? I think it's easy for me to say like in one extent. Yes, because I had a captain's armband. I wouldn't know
[51:51.280 -> 51:53.240] See, I'm talking more about
[51:53.240 -> 51:57.160] Like you stood up and led when even you were a kid with your mom struggling
[51:57.440 -> 52:00.160] You stood up and led on a football field because you got the armband
[52:00.720 -> 52:06.480] You stood up and led for all the women who are getting criticized and abused and
[52:06.480 -> 52:10.920] they don't have to be on the television by the way to face that kind of criticism.
[52:10.920 -> 52:12.720] For me, this is true leadership.
[52:12.720 -> 52:17.600] You know, you and the women around you are breaking down doors for others to walk through
[52:17.600 -> 52:23.320] and you know, for people like us to be allies alongside women like that, it only happens
[52:23.320 -> 52:28.800] if they're brave enough and strong enough to stand up in front of everyone in the first place and and
[52:28.800 -> 52:33.920] be leaders and I am for someone like you to come along I am so much more excited
[52:33.920 -> 52:37.760] about the future my daughter has and Damien's daughter has because of the
[52:37.760 -> 52:42.200] leadership that you've shown in in the last few years so maybe instead of
[52:42.200 -> 52:44.540] asking you whether you feel like a leader maybe we should be telling you
[52:44.540 -> 52:48.400] that you are a leader. I was going to say after you say that like straight
[52:48.400 -> 52:52.560] away it makes me one it makes me go shy which people don't know that side about
[52:52.560 -> 52:55.360] me because they assume you on TV course you're not shy because you speak to
[52:55.360 -> 53:01.200] millions I still find it hard to accept people either see me in that way or feel
[53:01.200 -> 53:08.240] that way because I don't know because I've always had to show that strength or so to take praise and stuff like that I kind of like oh
[53:08.240 -> 53:12.280] god like thanks thanks for saying that Jake but I feel uncomfortable with it
[53:12.280 -> 53:17.440] but I think it goes back to that team player so ultimately you said I am that
[53:17.440 -> 53:23.520] leader and I get it but for me it goes back to I'm trying to help people like
[53:23.520 -> 53:26.200] when I sit alongside someone my thing is I don't care about me I'm trying to help people. Like when I sit alongside someone my
[53:26.200 -> 53:30.040] thing is I don't care about me I'm gonna ask you questions so you can have the
[53:30.040 -> 53:36.200] limelight or you feel comfortable or trying to help someone do a better talk
[53:36.200 -> 53:40.240] or something like that. So I get now what you're saying that is a form of
[53:40.240 -> 53:43.760] leadership but I suppose I've never seen it that way.
[53:43.760 -> 53:46.800] And have you have you found freedom? Are you there yet?
[53:47.600 -> 53:53.120] I don't know if I'll ever be there, to be honest. I'm still growing as a person. I'm still learning
[53:53.120 -> 53:59.760] stuff about myself, which I like. In the book, I finally open up and I'm really private with my
[53:59.760 -> 54:10.860] life, but I wrote a whole chapter about love And what that relationship really did for me and those patterns continued and I've spent the last couple of years actually dating myself
[54:11.520 -> 54:16.320] Cheesy that sounds you know, actually tell us more about that. Mm-hmm. What does that mean?
[54:16.960 -> 54:21.960] That I knew that I needed to break some patterns in my life that stemmed
[54:21.960 -> 54:26.060] Yes from my dad and not being able to communicate and then that was there in
[54:26.580 -> 54:30.740] Relationships I was then tending to get with people that I just wanted to help them
[54:30.820 -> 54:34.440] You know, which then in turn wasn't healthy healthy for myself
[54:35.580 -> 54:37.380] Rescuer. Yeah
[54:37.380 -> 54:41.060] And then ultimately I was losing myself in those relationships
[54:41.580 -> 54:45.880] so that's why I mean
[54:43.680 -> 54:49.960] I've spent the last couple of years knowing and
[54:45.880 -> 54:51.560] growing and understanding myself more.
[54:49.960 -> 54:55.240] But tell us about dating yourself, how do you
[54:51.560 -> 55:00.120] do that? Being okay with being on your
[54:55.240 -> 55:03.120] own or reading more to understand things
[55:00.120 -> 55:04.800] or going to therapy so I understand my
[55:03.120 -> 55:07.160] own patterns which will ultimately be
[55:04.800 -> 55:07.000] better for the next relationship that neu i fynd i'r ymdrech, i ddeall fy mod i'n faterion, sy'n well i'r ymdrech nesaf
[55:07.000 -> 55:11.000] a gallu cyfathrebu'n well
[55:11.000 -> 55:15.000] ac i weld pethau, nid ydw i'n hoffi cyfrifoldeb
[55:15.000 -> 55:18.000] oherwydd pethau yn fy nesaf, felly rwy'n ymdrech i ffwrdd o bethau
[55:18.000 -> 55:21.000] lle dyna ddim yn iechyd yn ei hun,
[55:21.000 -> 55:24.000] rydych yn eisiau angen y sgwrs honno
[55:24.000 -> 55:25.280] i ddchrau i
[55:25.280 -> 55:31.040] pethau. Iawn, mae hynny'n fy nhafu pan oedd, er enghraifft, roeddwn i'n meddwl amdano pan oedd gennych
[55:31.040 -> 55:35.760] chi'n ysgrifennu y pŵer o ffyrdd yn eich bywyd a'i gynhyrchiad cyflawns,
[55:35.760 -> 55:40.160] y bydd gennym tri adroddiadau, dydyn ni ddim? Yn ddiwylliannol, rydyn ni eisoes yn ymlaen,
[55:40.160 -> 55:45.400] rydyn ni'n ymdrech, fel bod rhwydwyr wedi'u gweld yn y llyfrgellau, neu rydyn ni'n dod ar y We freeze and like a rabbit caught in the headlights or we got on the front foot and we go and
[55:45.720 -> 55:47.720] take it on in that fight mode and
[55:50.440 -> 55:52.380] Reading your book and listening to you speak
[55:52.380 -> 55:59.480] I can see two of those responses in the freeze response that you had of struggling to communicate and and the fight response
[55:59.480 -> 56:04.400] Sometimes of going and taking the fight directly on as you as that example we spoke about
[56:27.960 -> 56:30.940] i fynd i mewn a chynnu'r ffyrdd yn ymwneud ag yr enghraifft rydyn ni'n siarad amdano. Ond nid wyf chi wedi chi siarad am y peth o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r f with your partner, my thing would be like, oh, we'll come back to it tomorrow. Like it's okay, because nothing for me and the images that I still have from my childhood
[56:30.940 -> 56:34.560] gets resolved in the heat of an argument.
[56:34.560 -> 56:35.920] You know, you end up saying stuff
[56:35.920 -> 56:38.240] that you don't wanna say, that you'll regret.
[56:38.240 -> 56:42.360] So my thing is just to remove myself from that moment.
[56:42.360 -> 56:43.760] But I suppose now what I've learned
[56:43.760 -> 56:47.240] is there's ways of doing that for to help my partner
[56:47.600 -> 56:53.800] Understand the reasons why I'm doing that and we can maybe resolve this tomorrow and come back to it when we've got a clear
[56:53.800 -> 56:57.240] ahead on things so from a selfish part of you give us some tips because
[57:00.720 -> 57:04.400] It is just in that moment knowing that it's the heat
[57:04.400 -> 57:06.960] It's the anger and you know, you can It is just in that moment knowing that it's the heat, it's the anger and you know, you
[57:06.960 -> 57:09.360] can't resolve things in that moment.
[57:09.360 -> 57:14.660] So it is either just, you know, both stepping away and just taking a moment and a breath
[57:14.660 -> 57:19.640] to realize what you do want to say and the outcomes that you want to get from this.
[57:19.640 -> 57:25.000] So do you have conversations even before you're ever in conflict to say when we do disagree yw'r fath o ddysgwyr, ynghylch y byddwch chi'n ymwneud â'r ddysgwyr, i ddweud, pan fyddwn ni'n ddysgwyr,
[57:25.000 -> 57:27.000] neu pan fyddwn ni'n cael ddysgwyr,
[57:27.000 -> 57:30.000] yw eich gweithwyr a'ch partner yn cael y sgwrs i'w cynllunio
[57:30.000 -> 57:33.000] sut y byddwn ni'n mynd i'w ymdrechu ag y ddysgwyr honno?
[57:33.000 -> 57:35.000] Wel, rwy'n credu yw'r ffordd rwy'n dysgu am bethau i mi,
[57:35.000 -> 57:37.000] oherwydd yna byddwn i'n gwneud pethau,
[57:37.000 -> 57:40.000] ac rwy'n meddwl, drwy fy nghyfwysfa o gyfansoddiad mewn TV,
[57:40.000 -> 57:42.000] byddwn i'n ymdrechu pethau.
[57:42.000 -> 57:44.000] Fel, na, dydw i ddim angen i'w ymdrechu,
[57:44.000 -> 57:50.840] byddwn i'n mynd i'w gynllunio. Dydw i ddim eisiau i unrhyw un ei weld ei fod yn effeithio arnaf, I'd suppress things right like no, I don't need to deal with it. I just push it down You know don't want anyone to see that it affects me. We're actually I'm sometimes making the situation worse
[57:50.840 -> 57:55.160] Right, and so that's what it goes back to date myself and realize that that is not healthy
[57:55.160 -> 58:01.920] I need to work on that. I could have resolved something five steps earlier. They don't actually get to here. I love that
[58:02.720 -> 58:06.000] Thank you so much for sharing so much with us being so open honest ac efallai y gallwn ni ddod i mewn i'r llyfr. Rwy'n hoffi hynny. Diolch am rannu taf o'n i gyda ni
[58:06.000 -> 58:08.000] ac am fod yn agos ac yn ddiogel.
[58:08.000 -> 58:10.000] Rydyn ni wedi cyrraedd y pwynt o'n gwestiynau
[58:10.000 -> 58:12.000] yn y ddiwedd ar y podcast.
[58:12.000 -> 58:14.000] Yr un cyntaf, a ddewiswn ni ychydig,
[58:14.000 -> 58:16.000] y trwyfathau ddim-drawedol
[58:16.000 -> 58:18.000] y mae angen i chi a'r bobl o'ch gwmpas
[58:18.000 -> 58:20.000] eu cymryd i'w ddod i mewn.
[58:20.000 -> 58:22.000] I mi, dydyn ni ddim yn gallu bod yn negatif
[58:22.000 -> 58:24.000] o'n i'r holl amser.
[58:24.000 -> 58:28.020] Dydyn ni ddim yn gallu ei ddweud. Felly, dydyn ni ddim yn gallu time. Just I can't take it. So yeah I won't allow you to in a conversation
[58:28.020 -> 58:34.460] constantly be negative. Okay. Do you know I don't like people that are late. I don't
[58:34.460 -> 58:40.420] get it. Like I need to do everything I can to be on time and show up because it
[58:40.420 -> 58:46.880] has a knock-on effect. So lateness is a non-negotiable for me. And the third
[58:46.880 -> 58:54.680] one, excuses. I can't take people making excuses. Yeah. Just be honest, tell the
[58:54.680 -> 59:00.600] truth, like I'll understand, but don't make lame excuses around me. What's your
[59:00.600 -> 59:03.840] greatest strength and what's your biggest weakness? I think my biggest
[59:03.840 -> 59:05.520] strength is being able to listen
[59:06.820 -> 59:13.480] To listen to people I think listen to myself now. I would say that my biggest weakness
[59:14.460 -> 59:16.460] It's trying to help everyone
[59:17.180 -> 59:19.180] Before I can even help myself sometimes
[59:19.680 -> 59:26.320] It's a weakness, but I think I'd never change it. What's been your biggest failure and how did you react to it?
[59:28.000 -> 59:29.920] It's made me emotional thinking about it.
[59:31.600 -> 59:32.720] I would say...
[59:34.400 -> 59:36.800] waiting this long to talk about what's in my book.
[59:38.120 -> 59:41.400] Thinking that maybe I could have freed my mum earlier.
[59:42.800 -> 59:43.600] And yourself?
[59:44.320 -> 59:47.260] And myself, yes. But for me, the book's about my mum, and yourself and myself yes but I for me the
[59:47.260 -> 59:53.120] books about my mum like I just yeah yeah even that's about my life but yeah
[59:53.120 -> 59:59.760] amazing what's one thing that we don't know about you that we should I was gonna
[59:59.760 -> 01:00:06.380] say music I think like everyone knows how much I love music. I don't know, do you
[01:00:06.380 -> 01:00:13.140] know that I love to travel? Like love to travel and I travel a lot alone to be
[01:00:13.140 -> 01:00:19.620] honest because growing up education wise I suppose we view education in such a
[01:00:19.620 -> 01:00:24.020] way but because of the speech therapy and everything I really struggled with
[01:00:24.020 -> 01:00:25.400] education and my education and learning about life I get that through traveling Ond oherwydd y ymdrechion ysgolion a phopeth, rydw i'n sbrydio gyda'r addysg.
[01:00:25.400 -> 01:00:27.880] Ac mae fy addysg a dysgu am fywyd
[01:00:27.880 -> 01:00:30.000] yn cael hynny drwy ymweld â'r byd.
[01:00:30.000 -> 01:00:31.800] Dysgu am wahanol ddyluniadau,
[01:00:31.800 -> 01:00:33.320] gwrthwynebu pobl,
[01:00:33.320 -> 01:00:35.200] ac mae'n rhoi llawer o energia i mi,
[01:00:35.200 -> 01:00:36.680] ac rydw i'n teimlo'n byw.
[01:00:36.680 -> 01:00:37.760] Felly pa fath o drwylo
[01:00:37.760 -> 01:00:38.640] y byddwch chi wedi bod yno
[01:00:38.640 -> 01:00:41.560] sy'n gwneud eich holl bwysau?
[01:00:42.640 -> 01:00:43.920] Rydw i bob amser yn mynd i leoedd gwahanol
[01:00:43.920 -> 01:00:44.840] ac rydw i'n hoffi o'r rheswm honno
[01:00:44.840 -> 01:00:45.840] oherwydd rydw i'n dysgu pethau gwahanol. Ond ym mis honno, rydw i wedi mynd i Peru Take all your boxes. I Always go to different places and I love it for that reason because I learned different things
[01:00:46.000 -> 01:00:50.640] But this year I went to Peru and it was somewhere I'd always wanted to go to
[01:00:51.720 -> 01:00:58.960] and I finally went and it was everything and more learning about the history the culture of the people and
[01:01:00.320 -> 01:01:06.980] Nature the hikes it. Yeah, it was a very special trip. You did it on your own? Yeah, went on my own,
[01:01:07.140 -> 01:01:13.380] but I feel, you know, sometimes energy attracts energy or you're meant to meet certain people and then so straight away
[01:01:13.380 -> 01:01:16.700] I go on my own to these places, but I end up meeting
[01:01:17.400 -> 01:01:25.880] amazing people and learning about their life or where they've come from and it always happens to me and I let it happen
[01:01:25.880 -> 01:01:31.760] yeah so yeah so I'm there alone but I'm I'm never alone and the final question
[01:01:31.760 -> 01:01:35.680] which is um your kind of final message I guess the people that have listened to
[01:01:35.680 -> 01:01:40.760] this incredible hour-long conversation what is what is your final message to
[01:01:40.760 -> 01:01:45.480] our listeners about living a high-performance life. That sometimes
[01:01:45.480 -> 01:01:55.560] other people will project their fears or what they're going through on to you but
[01:01:55.560 -> 01:02:01.120] you keep going and keep believing in yourself and don't let anyone else's
[01:02:01.120 -> 01:02:05.480] fears stop you achieving what you know you can achieve.
[01:02:05.480 -> 01:02:11.320] I love that and I hope that you can see that you know whether it's a little kid
[01:02:11.320 -> 01:02:14.920] knowing what went on with your mum and dad or whether it was you know and that
[01:02:14.920 -> 01:02:18.580] gave you an insight into how cruel human beings can be or whether it is as an
[01:02:18.580 -> 01:02:24.280] adult seeing how toxic society remains I hope that you're in a place now where
[01:02:24.280 -> 01:02:25.200] you can see that you've been through all of that and look where you are yeah and how toxic society remains. I hope that
[01:02:22.800 -> 01:02:28.040] you're in a place now where you can see
[01:02:25.200 -> 01:02:31.400] that you've been through all of that and
[01:02:28.040 -> 01:02:32.960] look where you are. Yeah. And your strength
[01:02:31.400 -> 01:02:34.120] is remarkable and I think a lot of
[01:02:32.960 -> 01:02:35.840] people will get a lot of strength out
[01:02:34.120 -> 01:02:38.280] of that conversation. Thank you, thank you
[01:02:35.840 -> 01:02:38.280] for having me.
[01:02:39.600 -> 01:02:45.360] Damien. Jake. I just can't resolve in my own head
[01:02:48.240 -> 01:02:49.360] Why as a society we can't?
[01:02:55.880 -> 01:02:57.880] Celebrate someone like Alex who's gone through real traumas as a young person has created an amazing professional football career And then at the end of it
[01:02:58.840 -> 01:03:03.080] Establishes herself on the TV all of which are really hard to do and all people want to do is push up back down to
[01:03:03.080 -> 01:03:09.620] The bottom does that old saying Jake I don't know who it's attributed to but we don't see the world as as they are
[01:03:09.620 -> 01:03:12.100] We see it as we are and I think sometimes
[01:03:12.900 -> 01:03:16.000] when we see somebody like Alex and then we see some of the
[01:03:16.500 -> 01:03:21.760] the bile and the abuse and the and the and the horrible sort of comments that make
[01:03:22.300 -> 01:03:47.200] You made the comment to her that we they're not seeing Alex for who she is this strong independent y ffyrdd o'r commentau sy'n eu gwneud, rydych chi wedi gwneud y coment arno, nad ydyn nhw'n ei weld, Alex, ar gyfer pa mor ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r'n gweld y byd sut maen nhw'n ei wneud ac nid yw hynny i'r cyfrif o'r math o arwain, ond rwy'n credu ei fod i
[01:03:47.200 -> 01:03:52.960] ceisio gweithio ar ei gŵr a ddylai hyn ddim yn stopio sut mae'n digwydd ac yn
[01:03:52.960 -> 01:03:57.680] byw yn y ffordd rydyn ni wedi ysgrifennu. Rwy'n credu yw'r heriau y mae'n digwydd
[01:03:57.680 -> 01:04:03.760] y cyfnod o arwain a'r ffyrdd a'r gofyn a'r cancellio a'r cyfrifol
[01:04:03.760 -> 01:04:05.400] ac rwy'n credu mai'n hollol am ymdrechion, rwy'n credu mae'n ymdrechion and anger and calling out and cancelling
[01:04:02.800 -> 01:04:06.760] and criticizing and and I just think it's
[01:04:05.400 -> 01:04:10.280] all about compassion. I think it's
[01:04:06.760 -> 01:04:13.440] compassion for someone who is in Alex's
[01:04:10.280 -> 01:04:16.080] position but it's also compassion from the
[01:04:13.440 -> 01:04:17.560] people who are in that position that you
[01:04:16.080 -> 01:04:20.360] know there is a reason why people are
[01:04:17.560 -> 01:04:24.080] carrying around such anger. How how can we
[01:04:20.360 -> 01:04:26.680] a solve that problem but be have a world
[01:04:24.080 -> 01:04:26.520] where it we all call this out we
[01:04:26.520 -> 01:04:31.360] all know this is unacceptable. Yeah and I think conversations like we've just had
[01:04:31.360 -> 01:04:35.200] with Alex here are just a small drop in the ocean of how we do it that we can't
[01:04:35.200 -> 01:04:38.880] change the world but we can change the world one person at a time and I think
[01:04:38.880 -> 01:04:44.760] the fact that Alex put her story down in a book the fact that she's brave enough
[01:04:44.760 -> 01:04:46.000] to come on a podcast and talk about some of those scars that are still quite Alex i ddod o'i stori yn y llyfr, y ffaith bod e'n ddod o'r podcast yn dda
[01:04:46.000 -> 01:04:50.320] ac yn siarad am rai o'r sgârau hynny sy'n eithaf bywyd i hi, mae e'n
[01:04:50.320 -> 01:04:54.880] ymwneud â'u helygu ar eu hynny. Rwy'n credu y byddai hynny'n dechrau
[01:04:54.880 -> 01:04:58.960] newid un o'r bobl mewn ffeithiau a galluogi nhw i ymdrechu
[01:04:58.960 -> 01:05:02.080] ychydig o'u helygu sydd angen eu mynd ar.
[01:05:02.080 -> 01:05:05.120] Ac rai o'r adnoddau a ddod o'r llyfr yma o'r gwrs, their own healing that they need to go on. And some of the tips that Alex gave there about,
[01:05:05.120 -> 01:05:07.240] you know, first of all, just reaching out,
[01:05:07.240 -> 01:05:08.260] just speaking to others.
[01:05:08.260 -> 01:05:09.920] How many of our guests have told us that,
[01:05:09.920 -> 01:05:12.240] of just the power of connection?
[01:05:12.240 -> 01:05:13.160] You know, it was Joe Wicks,
[01:05:13.160 -> 01:05:14.420] it was probably his dad to us,
[01:05:14.420 -> 01:05:17.760] where he said, the antidote to addiction is connection.
[01:05:17.760 -> 01:05:19.960] And I think the antidote to loneliness
[01:05:19.960 -> 01:05:23.260] is the ability to reach out and ask for help.
[01:05:23.260 -> 01:05:25.040] You know, and maybe anyone that is feeling that anger, that pain, that disillusionment, the ability to reach out and ask for
[01:05:22.200 -> 01:05:27.040] help, you know, and maybe anyone that is
[01:05:25.040 -> 01:05:29.720] feeling that anger, that pain, that
[01:05:27.040 -> 01:05:33.560] disillusionment, just talk to people about
[01:05:29.720 -> 01:05:34.840] it. And I hope she realises the impact
[01:05:33.560 -> 01:05:36.320] she's having because I think even that
[01:05:34.840 -> 01:05:37.720] conversation today is going to be
[01:05:36.320 -> 01:05:39.200] helpful for so many people and I love
[01:05:37.720 -> 01:05:41.320] that we were still able to talk to her
[01:05:39.200 -> 01:05:42.480] about, you know, and kind of pay homage
[01:05:41.320 -> 01:05:46.080] if you like to the fact she had an
[01:05:42.480 -> 01:05:50.080] elite football career as well Yeah, and those conversations when she was in America and seeing true leadership, you know
[01:05:50.080 -> 01:05:55.780] It's a reminder of how damaging toxic leadership can be. Yeah, you know, I'd love the definition
[01:05:55.780 -> 01:05:59.920] those two anecdotes are the ones that I'm gonna take away and repeat of
[01:06:00.400 -> 01:06:06.640] Other coaches and other teachers and leaders this idea of you're only as strong as your weakest link.
[01:06:06.640 -> 01:06:09.080] So you get everybody over the line.
[01:06:09.080 -> 01:06:09.920] That's your job.
[01:06:09.920 -> 01:06:13.160] And that second one of the idea of leave the shirt
[01:06:13.160 -> 01:06:14.520] in a better place.
[01:06:14.520 -> 01:06:16.220] So if you see somebody coming up, help them.
[01:06:16.220 -> 01:06:19.120] Don't try to keep them down or keep them in a box,
[01:06:19.120 -> 01:06:21.200] lift them up and give them the tools
[01:06:21.200 -> 01:06:22.660] that they can thrive as well.
[01:06:24.560 -> 01:06:26.840] Okay, it's time to meet another high performance listener.
[01:06:26.840 -> 01:06:28.680] And this time we're gonna chat to somebody
[01:06:28.680 -> 01:06:30.280] who is in Australia.
[01:06:30.280 -> 01:06:32.720] We had a really nice message from Josh Robson
[01:06:32.720 -> 01:06:35.280] telling us that he just completed an Ironman,
[01:06:35.280 -> 01:06:37.360] which is a full distance triathlon.
[01:06:37.360 -> 01:06:41.020] And he fell just short of a Kona qualification spot.
[01:06:41.020 -> 01:06:43.080] If you're not sure what that is, we're about to find out.
[01:06:43.080 -> 01:06:44.280] And also the fact that really,
[01:06:44.280 -> 01:06:48.520] the fact that he's completed an Ironman is a very small part of a very big story and
[01:06:48.520 -> 01:06:51.240] I'll let him fill in the rest. Welcome to High Performance, Josh.
[01:06:51.240 -> 01:06:53.040] Thanks. Thanks for having me.
[01:06:53.040 -> 01:06:59.080] So maybe you wouldn't mind telling people why completing an Ironman is one thing, but
[01:06:59.080 -> 01:07:13.000] doing it after what you've been through is something quite different? So it was about two years ago, I had a small lump appear on my right testic and about 18
[01:07:13.000 -> 01:07:17.960] months from noticing that it started to change slight formation, I went to the doctor and
[01:07:17.960 -> 01:07:21.920] I got told that I had testicular cancer.
[01:07:21.920 -> 01:07:26.560] And the first message I would like to share is like, I just put it on the back burner.
[01:07:26.560 -> 01:07:30.680] I was striving to be the best triathlete I could be, striving to do all my work hours
[01:07:30.680 -> 01:07:33.760] and I just wasn't getting regular health checkups.
[01:07:33.760 -> 01:07:38.720] And if I had have done that, I possibly would have bypassed putting my life on hold for
[01:07:38.720 -> 01:07:43.960] 12 months or even going through one of the worst feelings I've ever felt, which was chemotherapy.
[01:07:43.960 -> 01:07:48.440] So when I was first diagnosed with cancer, I made a pact with myself that I want to strive
[01:07:48.440 -> 01:07:50.760] to still be the best version of myself.
[01:07:50.760 -> 01:07:53.280] I wanted to be a high performer.
[01:07:53.280 -> 01:07:55.840] And the first thing I did was control the controllable.
[01:07:55.840 -> 01:08:00.360] So I just wanted to, you know, the only thing, the first thing that was in my control was,
[01:08:00.360 -> 01:08:02.520] you know, having a positive mindset.
[01:08:02.520 -> 01:08:06.160] And that really just sort of set up the day of going into cancer.
[01:08:06.160 -> 01:08:09.160] And I wanted my cancer diagnosis to be my invitation
[01:08:09.160 -> 01:08:10.440] to something great.
[01:08:10.440 -> 01:08:12.080] And that being, I just wanted to motivate
[01:08:12.080 -> 01:08:13.800] and inspire people,
[01:08:13.800 -> 01:08:16.160] whether it was people just getting off the couch
[01:08:16.160 -> 01:08:20.480] or people that had an adversity event faced in their lives,
[01:08:20.480 -> 01:08:22.760] I wanted to sort of set a standard
[01:08:22.760 -> 01:08:24.460] and lead by example as well.
[01:08:28.600 -> 01:08:35.320] So going through all that, I had to go through chemotherapy. So I had a test removed and unfortunately it spread throughout my body.
[01:08:35.320 -> 01:08:41.440] So the goal I set throughout chemotherapy was I wanted to train every day.
[01:08:41.440 -> 01:08:44.400] I did that for two days.
[01:08:44.400 -> 01:08:48.520] Late in cycle three and four, I was totally immobilized.
[01:08:48.520 -> 01:08:53.880] My wife had to literally get me out of bed and physically start me moving each day. As
[01:08:53.880 -> 01:08:58.240] soon as you stop that, it happened again. So those two days, late in cycle three and
[01:08:58.240 -> 01:09:10.440] four, you really learn a lot about yourself and about how slow time goes. And then, so I wanted to do that and then when I started training, getting through it
[01:09:10.440 -> 01:09:14.000] and sort of, I wasn't maintaining fitness, I was deteriorating at a fast rate, but I
[01:09:14.000 -> 01:09:19.320] set a goal to turn up to, in Melbourne we have a 2XU triathlon series and I just wanted
[01:09:19.320 -> 01:09:20.320] to go to that.
[01:09:20.320 -> 01:09:26.480] So I was training through that and about midway through the second cycle, my brother approached
[01:09:26.480 -> 01:09:32.560] me and come out of the blue and just said, I want you to train me for an Ironman. And so while I was
[01:09:32.560 -> 01:09:36.480] in the chair in chemo, 10 hours a day, I was writing this program and trying to set him up
[01:09:36.480 -> 01:09:43.200] for an Ironman. And that was moving in itself. Him getting out of his comfort zone, him turning
[01:09:43.200 -> 01:09:46.080] up to the pool three, four times a week,
[01:09:46.080 -> 01:09:48.840] 5 a.m., buying a bike and all that.
[01:09:48.840 -> 01:09:50.520] Towards the end of that, I handed him over,
[01:09:50.520 -> 01:09:52.760] I've got a triathlon coach myself,
[01:09:52.760 -> 01:09:54.080] and I handed him over to him
[01:09:54.080 -> 01:09:56.200] because I thought this kid can actually go right.
[01:09:56.200 -> 01:09:59.080] And then, long story short, nine months later,
[01:09:59.080 -> 01:10:02.240] we both completed the Cannes Ironman.
[01:10:02.240 -> 01:10:06.000] From that, our bond got extremely strong. We trained in and
[01:10:06.000 -> 01:10:11.640] out for me through chemo, coming out the end of chemotherapy. It was just a really
[01:10:11.640 -> 01:10:15.720] moving experience. I'm proud of both of us doing that, but myself doing it
[01:10:15.720 -> 01:10:20.080] through the cancer period and my brother doing it after not having any experience
[01:10:20.080 -> 01:10:23.320] showing anything's possible and trying to motivate me was just truly moving.
[01:10:23.320 -> 01:10:28.880] I've got goosebumps on my arms as you're talking to us there Josh. Can I take you
[01:10:28.880 -> 01:10:35.580] back to a moment though that just I find utterly intriguing. The moment when the
[01:10:35.580 -> 01:10:41.280] doctors diagnosed that you've got testicular cancer and the fact that then
[01:10:41.280 -> 01:10:46.580] you processed it to, you had that lovely phrase, it was an invitation to something great.
[01:10:46.580 -> 01:10:54.080] How long did that process take between getting that devastating news and then taking on that
[01:10:54.080 -> 01:10:56.360] fantastic mindset you had?
[01:10:56.360 -> 01:11:00.200] Um, I've always had the mindset, it is what it is.
[01:11:00.200 -> 01:11:05.760] And yeah, it was just instantly, I've always been, I'm not one to sit down and cry and mope about it.
[01:11:05.760 -> 01:11:08.080] I just sort of want to get the job done.
[01:11:08.080 -> 01:11:09.680] And one of the first things I said to my doctor
[01:11:09.680 -> 01:11:11.720] when he diagnosed me is what's next.
[01:11:11.720 -> 01:11:14.240] So it was just sort of soldier on.
[01:11:14.240 -> 01:11:15.720] It's not going to change the reality.
[01:11:15.720 -> 01:11:16.560] It is what it is.
[01:11:16.560 -> 01:11:19.300] And yeah, that's where I just sort of straight away
[01:11:19.300 -> 01:11:21.160] to get a positive mindset of what I was doing.
[01:11:21.160 -> 01:11:23.360] It was, all right, I'm going to turn into something great.
[01:11:23.360 -> 01:11:25.080] And by something great, as I said, I don't, I'm going to turn into something great. And it was something great.
[01:11:25.160 -> 01:11:28.160] I, as I said, I don't mean by winning an award or something like that.
[01:11:28.160 -> 01:11:31.400] If I could inspire people and motivate people, that was good enough for
[01:11:31.400 -> 01:11:33.040] me to get me moving each day.
[01:11:33.680 -> 01:11:37.400] And when, when those negative thoughts do creep in Josh, cause nobody has a,
[01:11:37.520 -> 01:11:42.320] has a bulletproof mindset, what are the tips that you or the techniques you use
[01:11:42.320 -> 01:11:44.000] that might be useful for our listeners to hear?
[01:11:45.200 -> 01:11:52.320] Um, and to just back you on that, yeah, the negative thoughts, uh, they do creep in like
[01:11:53.040 -> 01:11:57.680] towards the end of it. It was, um, you just thought, what if the, you know, the chemotherapy
[01:11:57.680 -> 01:12:01.200] and the chemicals didn't work or what if the cancer didn't go away and your life was
[01:12:01.920 -> 01:12:09.840] totally on hold for so much longer. And the way I just sort of dealt with that was one, having the support around you is
[01:12:09.840 -> 01:12:15.040] incredibly, it's an important part, like having my friends and family was just amazing.
[01:12:15.040 -> 01:12:21.480] But I just, I honestly reckon the secret ingredient is moving, staying active, you know, getting
[01:12:21.480 -> 01:12:22.840] your blood flowing.
[01:12:22.840 -> 01:12:25.040] And to me that just, I don't know,
[01:12:25.040 -> 01:12:27.000] you forget what's going on in the world
[01:12:27.000 -> 01:12:28.720] and just keep going.
[01:12:28.720 -> 01:12:31.000] Wow. Listen, man, for you to come on here
[01:12:31.000 -> 01:12:32.840] and talk like this is really quite something.
[01:12:32.840 -> 01:12:37.120] And I can see that it's still quite an emotional thing
[01:12:37.120 -> 01:12:38.400] for you to talk about, right?
[01:12:38.400 -> 01:12:39.480] Yeah, yeah, it is.
[01:12:39.480 -> 01:12:40.760] It is.
[01:12:40.760 -> 01:12:44.880] I used to think that once I went through what I went through,
[01:12:44.880 -> 01:12:46.480] because I felt what I felt,
[01:12:46.480 -> 01:12:49.160] other people would just change their perspective.
[01:12:49.160 -> 01:12:52.360] And I learned the hard way that's not the case.
[01:12:52.360 -> 01:12:56.720] But going through my cancer diagnosis and doing it, it's changed my whole view on it
[01:12:56.720 -> 01:12:57.720] on everything.
[01:12:57.720 -> 01:13:01.180] And it's a shame it took such an adversity event for that to happen.
[01:13:01.180 -> 01:13:02.180] How are you doing now?
[01:13:02.180 -> 01:13:03.180] Health wise?
[01:13:03.180 -> 01:13:04.180] I'm doing very well.
[01:13:04.180 -> 01:13:08.040] So I'm now 12 months post finishing chemotherapy.
[01:13:09.280 -> 01:13:11.320] Yeah, I'm stronger and better than ever
[01:13:11.320 -> 01:13:14.580] and got more Ironmans in the pipeline
[01:13:14.580 -> 01:13:17.840] and other races, running races and all that.
[01:13:17.840 -> 01:13:20.800] I'm working and yeah, just trying to,
[01:13:20.800 -> 01:13:23.400] once you go through chemotherapy and such a thing
[01:13:23.400 -> 01:13:25.680] and your life is wasted for six months, you don't want to waste another day go through chemotherapy and such a thing and your life is wasted for six months,
[01:13:25.680 -> 01:13:26.920] you don't want to waste another day.
[01:13:26.920 -> 01:13:28.960] So just living life to the fullest,
[01:13:28.960 -> 01:13:30.720] to the extremes that I can and be as healthy,
[01:13:30.720 -> 01:13:33.600] as good as possible and having a positive mindset.
[01:13:33.600 -> 01:13:36.660] Well, look, to be diagnosed, not just with cancer,
[01:13:36.660 -> 01:13:38.800] but with a cancer that has moved to other parts
[01:13:38.800 -> 01:13:41.880] of your body and then to still find that positive mindset,
[01:13:41.880 -> 01:13:44.640] Josh, to not just get up and go again,
[01:13:44.640 -> 01:13:45.360] but get up, go again, but get up, go
[01:13:45.360 -> 01:13:47.920] again, do something as huge as a triathlon and then come on here and
[01:13:47.920 -> 01:13:51.920] share it. It is, um, it's you that's inspiring all of us, not us inspiring you.
[01:13:51.920 -> 01:13:52.600] So thanks, man.
[01:13:52.760 -> 01:13:57.920] Josh Birkley No, I really appreciate the kind words. Truly moved by your mentality and the way you guys go about your business.
[01:13:58.040 -> 01:13:58.640] Thanks, mate.
[01:14:00.880 -> 01:14:09.040] Well, that's it. Thank you very much for listening. As always, huge thanks goes to you for growing and sharing this podcast among your community. Please continue to spread the learnings you're
[01:14:09.040 -> 01:14:13.240] taking from this series. Thanks to the whole team that are working on this podcast. And
[01:14:13.240 -> 01:14:18.080] don't forget, we have just launched the High Performance Book Club. If you want to join
[01:14:18.080 -> 01:14:21.220] the book club, which is free, if you want to join our members club, The Circle, which
[01:14:21.220 -> 01:14:26.080] is also free, then just go to thehighperformancepodcast.com.
[01:14:26.080 -> 01:14:32.400] There you can also order our book, our journal and tickets to our live show in Norwich in
[01:14:32.400 -> 01:14:37.720] February, which should be a cracker. Right, that's it. Remember, there is no secret. It's
[01:14:37.720 -> 01:14:42.640] all there for you. So chase world-class basics. Don't get high on your own supply. Remain
[01:14:42.640 -> 01:14:45.600] humble, curious and and empathetic,
[01:14:45.600 -> 01:15:16.000] and we'll see you soon. Acast powers the world's best podcasts.
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