Podcast: The High Performance
Published Date:
Mon, 28 Mar 2022 00:00:50 GMT
Duration:
1:30:56
Explicit:
False
Guests:
MP3 Audio:
Please note that the summary is generated based on the transcript and may not capture all the nuances or details discussed in the podcast episode.
This week we are chatting with Dr. Rangan Chatterjee. Rangan is a British physician, author and host of the podcast ‘Feel Better, Live More’. He’s known for the TV show ‘Doctor in the House’ and his appearances on BBC Breakfast. Rangan shares with us the simple techniques he uses to lead a more fulfilling and happy life. For Rangan, the most important aspect of life is nourishing our relationships and having “unmasking conversations” in which we are vulnerable and open with each other.
During this chat Rangan encourages us to re-consider the idea of a hero, whether we are really idealising the right people in connection with our core values.
Rangan shares with us: “even if life is tough, if you can be present - you are winning”
Rangan's new book 'Happy Mind, Happy Life: 10 Simple Ways to Feel Great Every Day' is available now: https://amzn.to/3JKflzB
- - - - - - - -
Check out our new addition - The High Performance Circle: The Monday Motivation Newsletter. The purpose of Monday Motivation is to connect more regularly with you! We want to give Circle members a bit of inspiration, motivation and purpose at the beginning of each week. Whether that is a few key things to consider when facing the upcoming week, reading recommendations or ideas to think about when listening to the weekly podcast episode. Sign up now. Just go to www.thehighperformancepodcast.co.uk
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## Section 1: Introduction of the Podcast Episode
* The podcast episode features Dr. Rangan Chatterjee, a renowned British physician, author, and host of the podcast "Feel Better, Live More."
* Dr. Chatterjee shares simple techniques and insights to lead a more fulfilling and happy life.
* He emphasizes the importance of nourishing relationships and having "unmasking conversations" where individuals can be vulnerable and open with each other.
* The episode also challenges the idea of traditional heroes and encourages listeners to reconsider whether they are idealizing the right people in connection with their core values.
## Section 2: The Importance of Presence and Redefining Success
* Dr. Chatterjee believes that "even if life is tough, if you can be present - you are winning."
* He challenges the notion that success is solely defined by external achievements such as job promotions, material possessions, or social status.
* True success, according to Dr. Chatterjee, lies in being present in all aspects of life, including relationships, family, and personal passions.
* High performance is achieved through presence and the ability to bring high performance into all aspects of life, not just work.
## Section 3: Money, Happiness, and the Adulthood Contract
* Dr. Chatterjee discusses the relationship between money and happiness, suggesting that money itself does not bring happiness but can remove common sources of unhappiness.
* He criticizes the "adulthood contract" that conditions individuals to compare themselves to others and pursue external validation.
* This societal conditioning often leads to a definition of success that is misaligned with true happiness.
## Section 4: The Impact of Relationships on Happiness
* Dr. Chatterjee emphasizes the significance of relationships in achieving happiness.
* He cites a Harvard study that found the quality of relationships to be the primary factor in determining one's happiness.
* Nurturing relationships, having "unmasking conversations," and being vulnerable with loved ones is crucial for overall well-being.
## Section 5: The Power of Simple Changes and Intentional Living
* Dr. Chatterjee shares the story of a patient who experienced a significant improvement in his well-being by simply making an effort to see his friends in person once a week.
* He advocates for intentional living, where individuals define their own terms of success and happiness and take intentional steps to achieve them.
## Section 6: Accessibility and Simplicity of Well-being Practices
* Dr. Chatterjee emphasizes that wellness and well-being practices should be accessible to everyone, regardless of socioeconomic status.
* He believes that simple and low-cost interventions can have a profound impact on an individual's health and happiness.
* He strives to simplify his messaging and make his recommendations practical and actionable for a wide audience.
## Section 7: The Importance of Authenticity and Vulnerability
* Dr. Chatterjee highlights the importance of authenticity and vulnerability in relationships.
* He encourages individuals to shed their masks and be their true selves with those they trust.
* Open and honest communication fosters deeper connections and nourishes relationships.
## Section 8: The Challenge of Redefining Success and Happiness
* Dr. Chatterjee acknowledges the challenge of redefining success and happiness in a society that often values external achievements and material possessions.
* He encourages individuals to question their core values and aspirations, and to pursue a life that is authentic and meaningful to them.
* He emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and self-awareness in this process.
## Section 9: The Role of Society and Culture in Shaping Happiness
* Dr. Chatterjee discusses the role of society and culture in shaping our perceptions of success and happiness.
* He encourages individuals to challenge societal norms and expectations that may not align with their true values.
* He emphasizes the importance of creating a supportive environment that fosters well-being and happiness.
## Section 10: The Journey Towards Happiness and Fulfillment
* Dr. Chatterjee concludes by emphasizing that happiness and fulfillment are journeys, not destinations.
* He encourages individuals to embrace the process of growth, learning, and self-discovery.
* He reminds listeners that true happiness comes from living a life that is aligned with their values, passions, and purpose.
# Podcast Episode Summary: Cultivating Happiness and Authenticity in Life
**Episode Overview:**
In this podcast episode, Dr. Rangan Chatterjee, a British physician, author, and host of the podcast "Feel Better, Live More," shares his insights on leading a more fulfilling and happy life. He emphasizes the importance of nourishing relationships, having "unmasking conversations," and re-evaluating the concept of heroes in society.
**Key Points:**
* **Authenticity and Acceptance:** Dr. Chatterjee stresses the significance of authenticity in life, advocating for being true to oneself rather than performing a version of oneself that others expect. He acknowledges that it can be challenging to be authentic, especially when one is concerned about being accepted by others.
* **The Role of Relationships:** Dr. Chatterjee highlights the crucial role of relationships in fostering happiness. He emphasizes the importance of having "unmasking conversations" in which individuals are vulnerable and open with each other, allowing for deeper connections and stronger relationships.
* **Rethinking Heroes:** Dr. Chatterjee challenges the societal tendency to idolize certain individuals as heroes, suggesting that we may be idealizing the wrong people. He encourages listeners to consider whether they are truly aligning their values with those of the people they admire.
* **Finding Happiness in the Present:** Dr. Chatterjee emphasizes the importance of being present and appreciating the simple moments in life. He believes that even in challenging circumstances, finding joy in the present can contribute to overall happiness.
**Additional Insights:**
* **The Impact of Childhood Conditioning:** Dr. Chatterjee reflects on his upbringing and the influence of his parents' expectations on his sense of self-worth. He acknowledges that he often felt he was not good enough unless he achieved certain accomplishments.
* **The Pursuit of Authenticity:** Dr. Chatterjee shares his journey towards authenticity, explaining how he has become more open about his perceived failings and insecurities. He believes that this shift has allowed him to be more genuine and connect with others on a deeper level.
* **Seeking Out Friction:** Dr. Chatterjee introduces the concept of "seeking out friction" as a means of personal growth. He suggests that when faced with challenging situations or criticism, individuals should use those experiences as opportunities to learn about themselves and develop resilience.
* **Identifying Core Values:** Dr. Chatterjee emphasizes the importance of identifying one's core values as a foundation for making decisions and living a meaningful life. He suggests that individuals should regularly reflect on their values and align their actions accordingly.
* **The Power of Connection:** Dr. Chatterjee underscores the significance of connection in all aspects of life, including relationships, work, and education. He believes that establishing genuine connections with others is essential for overall well-being and happiness.
**Conclusion:**
Dr. Chatterjee's message centers around the idea that true happiness and fulfillment come from living authentically, nourishing relationships, and appreciating the present moment. He encourages listeners to challenge societal norms, embrace their true selves, and seek out meaningful connections to lead happier and more fulfilling lives.
# **Podcast Summary: Happiness, Mindset, and the Pursuit of Core Values**
---
## **Episode Overview:**
In this engaging podcast episode, Dr. Rangan Chatterjee, a British physician, author, and host of the podcast "Feel Better, Live More," shares his insights on leading a more fulfilling and happier life. Dr. Chatterjee emphasizes the importance of nourishing relationships and engaging in "unmasking conversations" where individuals can be vulnerable and open with each other. He also challenges listeners to reconsider their idea of a hero and whether they are idealizing the right people in connection with their core values.
## **Key Points:**
- **The Importance of Relationships:** Dr. Chatterjee highlights the significance of nurturing relationships and having "unmasking conversations" where people can be authentic and transparent with each other. He believes that these conversations are crucial for fostering deep connections and building meaningful relationships.
- **Reevaluating Heroes:** Dr. Chatterjee encourages listeners to critically examine their concept of heroes and consider whether they are idolizing individuals who truly align with their core values. He emphasizes the importance of choosing heroes who inspire and motivate us to become better versions of ourselves.
- **The Power of Presence:** Dr. Chatterjee emphasizes the value of being present in the moment. He believes that even in challenging circumstances, if individuals can cultivate a sense of presence, they are essentially "winning" because they are fully engaged and making the most of their current situation.
- **Happiness as a Trainable Skill:** Dr. Chatterjee introduces the idea that happiness is a skill that can be learned and developed over time. He outlines a three-legged "core happiness tool" that includes alignment, control, and contentment. By working on these three aspects, individuals can strengthen their overall happiness and well-being.
- **Alignment:** Alignment refers to the congruence between an individual's values, actions, and behaviors. When a person's values and actions are in harmony, they experience a sense of fulfillment and purpose.
- **Control:** Control is about cultivating a sense of agency and empowerment over one's life. Dr. Chatterjee emphasizes that while the world may be inherently uncontrollable, individuals can focus on aspects within their sphere of influence to gain a sense of control.
- **Contentment:** Contentment is about finding peace and tranquility in one's life and circumstances. Dr. Chatterjee suggests that practicing gratitude and focusing on the positive aspects of life can contribute to a greater sense of contentment.
- **The Link Between Happiness and Health:** Dr. Chatterjee highlights the strong correlation between happiness and health. He emphasizes that research has consistently shown that happier individuals tend to live longer, healthier lives.
## **Actionable Insights:**
- **Engage in "Unmasking Conversations":** Foster deeper connections by having open and honest conversations with loved ones, where you can share your true thoughts and feelings.
- **Reevaluate Your Heroes:** Reflect on the individuals you admire and consider whether they align with your core values. Choose heroes who inspire and motivate you to become a better person.
- **Practice Presence:** Make a conscious effort to be present in the moment. Appreciate the small joys and challenges of life, and avoid dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.
- **Develop Your Core Happiness:** Work on strengthening the three legs of the core happiness tool – alignment, control, and contentment – to cultivate greater happiness and well-being in your life.
- **Prioritize Relationships:** Nurture your relationships with loved ones and make time for meaningful connections. Strong social support networks contribute to overall happiness and well-being.
- **Seek Professional Help if Needed:** If you are struggling with persistent unhappiness or mental health challenges, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. Professional guidance can help you address underlying issues and develop coping mechanisms.
## **Conclusion:**
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee's insightful perspectives on happiness, mindset, and the pursuit of core values provide valuable guidance for individuals seeking greater fulfillment and well-being in their lives. By embracing authenticity, redefining heroism, cultivating presence, and developing our core happiness, we can unlock our potential for a more joyful and meaningful existence.
# Podcast Summary: Dr. Rangan Chatterjee on Nourishing Relationships and Leading a Fulfilling Life
**Guest: Dr. Rangan Chatterjee**
**Key Points:**
1. **The Importance of Nourishing Relationships:**
- Dr. Chatterjee emphasizes the significance of nurturing relationships and having "unmasking conversations" where individuals are vulnerable and open with each other.
- He believes that the most crucial aspect of life is nourishing our relationships and fostering deep connections with others.
2. **Rethinking the Idea of Heroes:**
- Dr. Chatterjee encourages listeners to reconsider the concept of heroes and question whether they are idealizing the right people based on their core values.
- He suggests that individuals should focus on traits and qualities that align with their values rather than blindly idolizing others.
3. **The Power of Presence:**
- Dr. Chatterjee highlights the importance of being present in the moment and savoring life's experiences.
- He emphasizes that even in challenging circumstances, if individuals can remain present, they are essentially "winning."
**Actionable Tips:**
1. **Morning Routine for Well-being:**
- Dr. Chatterjee recommends establishing a morning routine that includes three components: mindfulness, movement, and mindset.
- He suggests practicing meditation or breathwork for mindfulness, engaging in a five-minute workout for movement, and reading or doing affirmations for mindset.
2. **The Power of Small, Consistent Habits:**
- Dr. Chatterjee emphasizes the transformative impact of small, consistent habits over time.
- He encourages individuals to focus on implementing one small change at a time and to be patient, as it takes weeks to see noticeable results.
3. **The Value of Curiosity and Learning:**
- Dr. Chatterjee stresses the importance of being curious and adopting a learner's mindset.
- He believes that instead of seeking to be right, individuals should focus on asking themselves, "What can I learn here?"
- He encourages listeners to cultivate a curious and open attitude towards life's experiences.
**Memorable Quote:**
"Even if life is tough, if you can be present - you are winning." - Dr. Rangan Chatterjee
**Overall Message:**
The podcast episode emphasizes the significance of nurturing relationships, being present in the moment, and adopting a curious and open mindset to lead a fulfilling and happy life. Dr. Chatterjee encourages listeners to focus on small, consistent habits and to prioritize their well-being through practices like mindfulness and movement.
# Podcast Episode Summary:
## Unpacking the High Performance Podcast's Conversation with Kate Hale
### Episode Overview:
The High Performance Podcast, hosted by Damien Walter and Jake Humphrey, engages in a thought-provoking conversation with Kate Hale, a British journalist and the founder of the Watford Women's Supporters Group. This episode delves into the importance of female friendships, cognitive diversity, and the creation of safe spaces for women in the world of football.
### Key Insights:
1. **Female Friendships and Empowerment:**
- Kate emphasizes the power of female friendships and how they can counter the societal pressures and competition often faced by women.
- She shares her personal journey of realizing the significance of female solidarity and the need to challenge the patriarchal narrative that pits women against each other.
2. **Cognitive Diversity and Allyship:**
- Kate highlights the importance of cognitive diversity and the role of male allies in promoting gender equality.
- She encourages men to educate themselves, listen to diverse perspectives, and actively support women's voices in various domains.
3. **Creating Safe Spaces for Women in Football:**
- Kate discusses her experience as a Watford fan and the challenges women face in attending away games.
- She explains how the Watford Women's Supporters Group was formed to address these issues, providing a safe and inclusive environment for female fans.
- The group welcomes men who want to bring their daughters to games, demonstrating the importance of creating spaces where women feel supported and respected.
### Notable Quotes:
- "I think it's just, it's so empowering. I've got goosebumps talking about that." - Kate Hale, on the power of female friendship.
- "It's not all just women. Again, I'm going back to the phrase male allies, but it's a group for men too." - Kate Hale, on the inclusivity of the Watford Women's Supporters Group.
### Overall Message:
The episode underscores the significance of fostering supportive female friendships, embracing cognitive diversity, and creating safe spaces for women in various aspects of life. It highlights the role of male allies in promoting gender equality and encourages individuals to challenge societal norms that perpetuate inequality.
[00:00.000 -> 00:07.000] Hi there, I'm Jay Comfrey and this is High Performance, our gift to you for free every
[00:07.000 -> 00:11.720] single week. This is the podcast that turns the lived experiences of the planet's highest
[00:11.720 -> 00:17.680] performers into your life lessons. So today, allow me and Professor Damien Hughes, who
[00:17.680 -> 00:23.600] is an expert in organizational psychology, to speak to the greatest leaders, thinkers,
[00:23.600 -> 00:26.620] sports stars, entertainers, and entrepreneurs on the planet and
[00:26.920 -> 00:33.960] Let those people be your teacher today. We've got a special episode for you. Here's what's in store. I
[00:35.540 -> 00:39.860] Think the way I look at money and happiness is I don't think money
[00:40.520 -> 00:47.080] In and off itself brings us happiness, but I think money can remove common sources
[00:47.080 -> 00:48.080] of unhappiness.
[00:48.080 -> 00:50.800] It's probably how I look at it.
[00:50.800 -> 00:57.240] We think that when we get a better job, a nicer car, we can go on a nicer holiday, we
[00:57.240 -> 01:01.280] get a promotion, we think we're going to be happy.
[01:01.280 -> 01:06.260] But what happens for many, many people is that they bust a gut to get all those things
[01:06.780 -> 01:08.780] they get those things and
[01:09.360 -> 01:11.180] then they realize
[01:11.180 -> 01:17.040] Man, I still feel crap. I've still got that hole in my heart that hasn't plugged that hole like I thought it was going to
[01:17.960 -> 01:21.640] the number one factor for your happiness
[01:22.560 -> 01:24.560] It's the quality of your relationships
[01:25.000 -> 01:30.720] for your happiness is the quality of your relationships. I've made so many changes since then because I was would question myself whose life are
[01:30.720 -> 01:31.720] you living?
[01:31.720 -> 01:33.560] Are you living someone else's life?
[01:33.560 -> 01:35.920] Are you living your own life?
[01:35.920 -> 01:43.840] And really my quest more and more is how can I really be me?
[01:43.840 -> 01:47.440] Not perform at being me, not the version of me that I think other
[01:47.440 -> 01:54.780] people want. How can I truly be me? Can you be a high performance individual without having
[01:54.780 -> 01:58.960] high levels of connection in your life? I don't think you can.
[01:58.960 -> 02:05.200] So today is all about education, but education in a different kind of way, educating you in the way you
[02:05.200 -> 02:12.440] think. As you know, I love the book Daily Stoic and it's a lesson every single day
[02:12.440 -> 02:16.120] of the year from the Stoics and there was a lovely quote I read recently from
[02:16.120 -> 02:21.240] Epictetus who said, what is it then to be properly educated? Is it learning to
[02:21.240 -> 02:25.000] apply our natural preconceptions to the right things according to nature?
[02:25.000 -> 02:30.000] And beyond that, to separate the things that lie within our power from things that don't?
[02:30.000 -> 02:34.000] And it goes on to say, a degree on a wall means you're educated,
[02:34.000 -> 02:36.000] as much as shoes on your feet mean you're walking.
[02:36.000 -> 02:39.000] It's a start, but it's hardly sufficient.
[02:39.000 -> 02:45.840] Otherwise, how could so many educated people make unreasonable decisions or miss so many obvious things.
[02:45.840 -> 02:51.080] And I think that's what today is about. Just as you can walk very well without shoes, you
[02:51.080 -> 02:55.540] walk an awful lot better with them on. And just as you could live an okay life without
[02:55.540 -> 03:00.720] high performance or without the conversation today from ourselves and Dr. Rangan Chatterjee,
[03:00.720 -> 03:13.900] you will find life an awful lot easier after this conversation. There are genuine takeaways in this episode for you when it comes to happiness and mindset and pressing reset and just looking at life in a completely new way.
[03:13.900 -> 03:18.900] I cannot tell you how good Rangan's book is, Happy Mind, Happy Life.
[03:18.900 -> 03:24.800] He calls it the new science of mental well-being and that's really what we discuss in today's podcast.
[03:24.800 -> 03:27.920] There is a link to the book on the description of this podcast.
[03:27.920 -> 03:31.640] It is brilliant, it is fascinating and you are going to get a lot from today's
[03:31.640 -> 03:37.440] episode. So sit back and enjoy the high-performance podcast with Dr. Rangan
[03:37.440 -> 03:44.760] Chatterjee comes next. On our podcast we love to highlight businesses that are
[03:44.760 -> 03:46.400] doing things a better way so you
[03:46.400 -> 03:51.680] can live a better life. And that's why when I found Mint Mobile I had to share. So Mint
[03:51.680 -> 03:56.360] Mobile ditched retail stores and all those overhead costs and instead sells their phone
[03:56.360 -> 04:01.600] plans online and passes those savings to you. And for a limited time they're passing on
[04:01.600 -> 04:09.760] even more savings with a new customer offer that cuts all Mint Mobile plans to $15 a month when you purchase a 3 month plan.
[04:09.760 -> 04:16.160] That's unlimited talk, text and data for $15 a month.
[04:16.160 -> 04:21.000] And by the way, the quality of Mint Mobile's wireless service in comparison to providers
[04:21.000 -> 04:23.800] that we've worked with before is incredible.
[04:23.800 -> 04:29.040] Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with premium wireless plans for 15 bucks a month.
[04:29.240 -> 04:33.480] So say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans, those jaw dropping monthly bills,
[04:33.680 -> 04:37.200] those unexpected overages, because all the plans come with unlimited
[04:37.400 -> 04:42.280] talk and text and high speed data delivered on the nation's largest 5G network.
[04:42.480 -> 04:45.600] Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan. Bring your
[04:45.600 -> 04:49.600] phone number along with all your existing contacts. So ditch overpriced
[04:49.600 -> 04:53.680] wireless with Mint Mobile's limited time deal and get premium wireless service
[04:53.680 -> 04:58.440] for just 15 bucks a month. To get this new customer offer and your new three
[04:58.440 -> 05:27.600] month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month go to mintmobile.com Today, on High Performance, we welcome a man you may already hear from a lot.
[05:27.600 -> 05:32.000] Rangan Chatterjee has millions of people listening to his podcast Feel Better Live
[05:32.000 -> 05:36.840] More every month. He's written four Sunday Times bestsellers already with
[05:36.840 -> 05:41.320] almost a million of his books being sold globally. He's now written another one
[05:41.320 -> 05:45.080] Happy Mind, Happy Life. It's a brilliant educational look at
[05:45.080 -> 05:49.800] happiness, why we haven't got as much of it as we should have, where we've lost it, and
[05:49.800 -> 05:54.800] most importantly of all, how we can find it again. I've read the book and I promise you
[05:54.800 -> 05:59.760] there are genuine takeaways for how you are going to be living your life. In fact, I took
[05:59.760 -> 06:03.400] a couple of photos and put them in a WhatsApp group with the rest of my family. And then
[06:03.400 -> 06:07.280] I called Harriet and I said to her, hey you need to stop buying so many clothes
[06:07.280 -> 06:12.080] because choice makes you unhappy, which was a new one on me but it was brilliant
[06:12.080 -> 06:16.360] and it's an absolute pleasure to welcome Rangan to our podcast. I was just saying
[06:16.360 -> 06:19.960] to him that I still get people every few days saying, oh I loved it when you went
[06:19.960 -> 06:24.360] on to Rangan's pod, how did he get so much out of you? And I think the answer
[06:24.360 -> 06:26.000] right Damien, is it is about security because it's always rare isn't it when i'r pod o Rongen. Sut ddod o'ch gilydd? Ac rwy'n credu bod y cyfrifiad,
[06:26.000 -> 06:28.000] Damien, yw am sicrwydd.
[06:28.000 -> 06:30.000] Oherwydd mae'n amlwg,
[06:30.000 -> 06:32.000] pan fydd rhywun yn eich cyhoeddi i mewn i'w cais.
[06:32.000 -> 06:34.000] Dyma ddim yn parhau i'r cais
[06:34.000 -> 06:36.000] i'w gilydd, yn enwedig gyda'r cefnogaethau cyfieithuol.
[06:36.000 -> 06:38.000] Ac Rongen yn recordio'r cais.
[06:38.000 -> 06:40.000] A dwi'n credu,
[06:40.000 -> 06:42.000] y chwethin ddau'r awr rydw i wedi'i gysylltu
[06:42.000 -> 06:44.000] gyda'i ffraint,
[06:44.000 -> 06:49.080] a'i ffraint, a'i ffraint, food and drink it totally changes the level on which you interact with people doesn't it? It brings the person doesn't it rather than just the profession so
[06:49.080 -> 06:54.200] yeah I think it's a really powerful powerful invitation. And after that
[06:54.200 -> 06:58.120] invitation we sat down and spoke and now it's time to return the compliment.
[06:58.120 -> 07:02.080] Rangan Chatterjee welcome to High Performance. Guys thank you very much
[07:02.080 -> 07:09.020] having me I'm pretty excited flattered to be on the show so, can't wait to get cracking. Great. I'm excited for this
[07:09.020 -> 07:12.460] because having read the book, as I said, I think there are so many, I always hesitate
[07:12.460 -> 07:15.700] to say life changing things that people can take away from this because we hear that all
[07:15.700 -> 07:19.940] the time, don't we? Every podcast everyone ever records is life changing. But you know,
[07:19.940 -> 07:24.120] I think I'm pretty in tune with how to track down happiness and I have written down numerous
[07:24.120 -> 07:25.840] things that I read in your book. So you know how we always ask people at the beginning, Rwy'n ddiddorol iawn o sut i ddod o hyd i bobl a ddweud pethau sydd ar y llyfr.
[07:25.840 -> 07:30.080] Rydyn ni'n gofyn i bobl ar y dechrau, beth yw cyflogau cyhoeddus?
[07:30.080 -> 07:33.120] Rwy'n hoffi gwybod o chi, o ran cyflawni,
[07:33.120 -> 07:35.280] o'r bobl rydych chi wedi cwrdd â, y llyfr rydych chi wedi'i ddweud,
[07:35.280 -> 07:37.160] yr holl ymchwil rydych chi wedi'i edrych ar,
[07:37.160 -> 07:42.080] o ran cyflogau, beth yw cyflogau cyhoeddus?
[07:42.080 -> 07:44.480] Os byddwch chi wedi gofyn y cwestiwn hon,
[07:44.480 -> 07:47.480] rwy'n meddwl, cymaint oed, High performance looks like if you'd asked me this question, I think five or ten years ago. I'm pretty sure I would have given you
[07:48.840 -> 07:53.760] completely different answer but in the context of happiness and
[07:54.760 -> 07:59.400] Frankly, I'd say our wider lives because I actually do think what we really all
[08:00.560 -> 08:04.800] Crave deep down is happiness depending on our definition of happiness, of course. I
[08:06.600 -> 08:08.560] Think high performance
[08:08.560 -> 08:10.560] It's about presence
[08:10.640 -> 08:16.700] For me. I feel I am a high performer if I can be present in
[08:17.640 -> 08:19.640] Everything that I'm doing. Yeah
[08:20.040 -> 08:23.960] It's easy to think about high performance as you know success at work
[08:24.560 -> 08:26.720] I'm crushing it at work. I've done that before
[08:27.240 -> 08:28.400] What's so hard?
[08:28.400 -> 08:29.840] I'm doing really really well at work
[08:29.840 -> 08:34.480] But I come to the dinner table and sit around with my wife and my kids and I'm not there
[08:34.680 -> 08:38.440] So thinking about work or should I've done that should I've sent that email?
[08:39.200 -> 08:44.480] That's not high performance, right? That's high performance potentially in one aspects of my life
[08:41.640 -> 08:43.360] high performance, right? That's high performance potentially
[08:43.360 -> 08:45.900] in one aspect of my life.
[08:45.900 -> 08:49.160] But if I can't bring high performance into my family life,
[08:49.160 -> 08:51.920] if I can't be a high performance husband,
[08:51.920 -> 08:55.460] a high performance father, a high performance friend,
[08:55.460 -> 08:59.200] then I think we've got a myopic kind of definition
[08:59.200 -> 09:00.340] of what high performance is.
[09:00.340 -> 09:02.360] And I used to have that definition.
[09:02.360 -> 09:04.000] You know, I would have thought in the past
[09:04.000 -> 09:05.880] if I'm crushing it at work, if I'm doing well, if I'm seeing have that definition, you know, I would have thought in the past if I'm crushing it at work if I'm doing well
[09:06.400 -> 09:08.700] If I'm seeing loads of patients, I'm getting them better
[09:09.480 -> 09:11.480] I'm a high performer
[09:11.560 -> 09:12.960] but
[09:12.960 -> 09:18.440] It's about presence and I'm not there yet. Yeah, I'm definitely better than I was a few years ago
[09:18.880 -> 09:23.080] But am I always present and everything I do? No, not at all, but it's
[09:24.320 -> 09:27.000] It's not a destination for me. It's it's a process. It's a journey. It's a Yn ystod y cyfnod hwn, mae'n bwysig i mi fod yn ymwneud â'r cyfnod hwnnw. Yn ystod y cyfnod hwnnw, mae'n bwysig i mi fod yn ymwneud â'r cyfnod hwnnw.
[09:27.000 -> 09:30.000] Yn ystod y cyfnod hwnnw, mae'n bwysig i mi fod yn ymwneud â'r cyfnod hwnnw.
[09:30.000 -> 09:33.000] Yn ystod y cyfnod hwnnw, mae'n bwysig i mi fod yn ymwneud â'r cyfnod hwnnw.
[09:33.000 -> 09:36.000] Mae'n bwysig i mi fod yn ymwneud â'r cyfnod hwnnw.
[09:36.000 -> 09:39.000] Mae'n bwysig i mi fod yn ymwneud â'r cyfnod hwnnw.
[09:39.000 -> 09:42.000] Mae'n bwysig i mi fod yn ymwneud â'r cyfnod hwnnw.
[09:42.000 -> 09:45.000] Mae'n bwysig i mi fod yn ymwneud â'r cyfnod hwnnw. Mae'n bwysig iifoldeb yn nifer o ffyrdd.
[09:45.000 -> 09:48.000] Ac rwy'n credu bod pobl yno a allai fod yn clywed hwn
[09:48.000 -> 09:51.440] yn sefyllfaau anodd neu'n ddiflannu,
[09:51.440 -> 09:55.480] neu sy'n ymwneud â'r ddiflannu.
[09:55.480 -> 09:57.560] Felly rwy'n credu y dywedwch chi
[09:57.560 -> 09:59.840] y bydd hwn yn gysylltiedig i unrhyw un o ni.
[09:59.840 -> 10:02.840] Gallwn ni i gyd dechrau lle bynnag y byddwn ni.
[10:02.840 -> 10:03.960] Yn fy nghyfnod ddifrifol?
[10:03.960 -> 10:06.480] Ie, Damien, rydych chi'n arbennig.
[10:06.480 -> 10:10.680] Mae'r ddechrau rydw i bob amser wedi'i wneud gyda phobl,
[10:10.680 -> 10:12.920] ar fy ngwyrdd, gyda'r llyfrau,
[10:12.920 -> 10:15.320] yw sut y gallwch chi'n cymhlethu
[10:15.320 -> 10:18.240] a sut y gallwch chi gwneud hyn yn ymgyrchol
[10:18.240 -> 10:20.040] fel y gallwch chi i'r holl bobl.
[10:21.160 -> 10:22.720] Rwy'n credu bod hynny'n dod o fy nhyrfod bywyd,
[10:22.720 -> 10:24.240] mae'n dod o,
[10:24.240 -> 10:26.120] rwy'n gweld pobl yn ystod 20 mlynedd, rwy'n gweld tyniau o miloedd o bobl, Yeah. I think that comes from my own life experience. That comes from, you know, over 20 years now
[10:26.120 -> 10:28.520] I've seen patients, I've seen tens of thousands of patients.
[10:28.520 -> 10:30.080] And I guess for seven years of my career,
[10:30.080 -> 10:31.960] I worked in a place called Oldham,
[10:31.960 -> 10:34.240] not far from here where we're recording at the moment.
[10:34.240 -> 10:39.000] And, you know, it was what would typically be called like,
[10:39.000 -> 10:42.040] you know, an inner city practice,
[10:42.040 -> 10:44.920] pretty what would be considered a deprived population.
[10:44.920 -> 10:49.800] Now I don't love those terms or a population who has low socioeconomic status.
[10:50.440 -> 10:52.520] And I learnt a lot, I learnt a lot.
[10:52.520 -> 10:57.600] I learnt a lot that yes, your surroundings and your environment massively
[10:57.600 -> 11:01.280] determines how you feel about yourself.
[11:01.320 -> 11:04.440] It can impact your life chances, your health.
[11:05.240 -> 11:11.880] But I also learned that even in the midst of adversity, you can still make small choices
[11:11.880 -> 11:14.880] every day that actually make a big difference.
[11:14.880 -> 11:22.780] Like even if life is tough, if you can be present to that, you be present with your
[11:22.780 -> 11:26.020] family, with your kids, you know, on one level you're winning.
[11:26.020 -> 11:28.680] And I don't mean that to sound condescending, right?
[11:28.680 -> 11:32.160] I should at this point mention that I don't think
[11:32.160 -> 11:33.800] when we talk about happiness,
[11:33.800 -> 11:37.100] I understand money is something that people often
[11:37.100 -> 11:38.700] think about, they might go, well, yeah,
[11:38.700 -> 11:43.020] you guys can sit around, you know, talking about happiness.
[11:43.020 -> 11:45.080] You guys are doing well at life, right? And I get that. And the research, you know, there about happiness, you guys are doing well at life, right?
[11:45.080 -> 11:45.920] And I get that.
[11:45.920 -> 11:48.200] And the research, you know,
[11:48.200 -> 11:49.680] there's a bit of conflict in the research,
[11:49.680 -> 11:51.620] but most of it points to this idea
[11:51.620 -> 11:56.620] that once we have got enough to put a roof on our heads,
[11:57.080 -> 11:59.600] to buy food for us and our family,
[11:59.600 -> 12:01.840] to have that feeling of safety,
[12:01.840 -> 12:02.960] most of the research says that
[12:02.960 -> 12:04.600] when we earn much more than that,
[12:04.600 -> 12:07.120] it doesn't actually make us happy.
[12:07.120 -> 12:14.760] So I think the way I look at money and happiness is I don't think money in and of itself brings
[12:14.760 -> 12:20.400] us happiness, but I think money can remove common sources of unhappiness is probably
[12:20.400 -> 12:21.800] how I look at it.
[12:21.800 -> 12:25.960] So let's talk then from the viewpoint of the people that are listening to this podcast. Dyma'n eithaf fy mod i'n edrych arno. Felly, gadewch i ni siarad ar y pwynt o'r bobl sy'n clywed ar y podcast hon.
[12:25.960 -> 12:30.240] A dwi'n hoffi bod yn gyntaf yn y llyfr, rydych chi'n siarad am plant a'r mwynhau plant.
[12:30.240 -> 12:32.480] Ac mae hyn yn wirioneddol iawn, oherwydd dim ond y diwrnod diwethaf
[12:32.480 -> 12:35.600] rydyn ni'n cymryd ein plant i gael chwaraeon, ac roeddwn i'n ei gysylltu â fy niferof.
[12:35.600 -> 12:37.680] Roeddent yng nghanol y gwleidyddol,
[12:37.680 -> 12:38.800] roeddent yng nghanol y gwleidyddol, yng nghanol y gwleidyddol,
[12:38.800 -> 12:43.280] ddwylo oedran o'n i, ac roedd yna, fel ddrein pwmp,
[12:43.280 -> 12:44.360] fel oedran o'r gwaith.
[12:44.360 -> 12:46.000] Ac un o'n i oedd ar un o'r ddeg, un o'n i o'r rhan, un ar yr arall, gyda'r cydweithwyr.
[12:46.000 -> 12:48.000] A dweud wrth fy nifyn,
[12:48.000 -> 12:50.000] rwy'n gobeithio y byddent yn teimlo miliwn o ffyrdd o'n i.
[12:50.000 -> 12:52.000] Mae'n meddwl mai dyma ddiddorol ffyrdd.
[12:52.000 -> 12:54.000] A efallai y byddent yn cael snapshot
[12:54.000 -> 12:56.000] yn 20 mlynedd o'r pryd
[12:56.000 -> 12:58.000] o'r moment yma,
[12:58.000 -> 13:00.000] roeddwn ni yng nghanol y wlad, roedd yna pwyp,
[13:00.000 -> 13:02.000] ond roeddwn ni'n ddewis,
[13:02.000 -> 13:04.000] ac mae gennym y snapshots anhygoel
[13:04.000 -> 13:05.000] ar ein gofynnau. Ac mae gennym nholchgar iawn ar y moment hwnnw. Ac rydyn ni i gyd yn cael y lluniau anoddau yma ar ein gofynnau.
[13:05.000 -> 13:07.000] Ac rydyn ni'n cael yr rhain, oherwydd ar y moment honno,
[13:07.000 -> 13:10.000] roedd fy myfyrwyr yn cymryd 100% yn y sticcy
[13:10.000 -> 13:12.000] yn mynd i un o'r pip a'n dod allan i'r arall.
[13:12.000 -> 13:14.000] A phwy ddaroedd i'r pip trwy'r pip yn gyntaf?
[13:14.000 -> 13:16.000] Dyna oedd y gêm.
[13:16.000 -> 13:18.000] Dydyn ni ddim yn ymwneud â hynny oherwydd ein bod ni'n adolygiadur.
[13:18.000 -> 13:20.000] Felly mae gennym pethau o'n bywyd sy'n sgarau,
[13:20.000 -> 13:22.000] pethau o'n dyfodol sy'n anoddau.
[13:22.000 -> 13:26.120] Felly rydw i'n meddwl y gallwn ni gael ychydig o'r hyn ymlaen gan ddweud yn gyntaf, wrth fy mod i, as things in our future that worry us. So I thought that maybe we could really get deep on this by first of all talking, Rangan,
[13:26.120 -> 13:28.960] about where we are as human beings
[13:28.960 -> 13:30.480] and also how we get back to that state
[13:30.480 -> 13:32.120] that we were in as children.
[13:32.120 -> 13:33.240] Does that make sense?
[13:33.240 -> 13:34.200] Yeah, absolutely.
[13:34.200 -> 13:37.000] I start off the book with that exact emotion, don't I?
[13:37.000 -> 13:42.000] The introduction, I say, remember when you were a child.
[13:42.160 -> 13:43.640] Whatever it is, everyone listening to this
[13:43.640 -> 13:50.560] will have a memory, something from childhood. You know, for me, it's been barefoot on the grass. My older brother was
[13:50.560 -> 13:55.200] sort of playing cricket against each other. You know, I think I was saluting the not,
[13:55.200 -> 14:01.120] you know, the imaginary crowd about the 50 I just scored in the garden. But you're in the moment.
[14:01.120 -> 14:06.680] You know, I see this with my kids, they're in the moment. You know, what was my definition of high performance?
[14:06.680 -> 14:08.960] Being present and in the moment.
[14:08.960 -> 14:11.060] Well, kids have got that.
[14:11.060 -> 14:13.360] You had that, I had that, we all had it.
[14:14.520 -> 14:16.320] But we lose it.
[14:16.320 -> 14:18.920] And I think a lot of that comes down to society
[14:18.920 -> 14:20.240] and the way it conditions us.
[14:20.240 -> 14:22.920] I call it in the book, the adulthood contract that we sign.
[14:22.920 -> 14:24.780] You know, we get given this idea of success
[14:24.780 -> 14:28.800] that it's about doing better than other people at school.
[14:28.800 -> 14:30.400] Right? I think that's when it starts.
[14:30.400 -> 14:35.680] You know, you're taught to compare yourself to others, whether schools want to or not.
[14:35.680 -> 14:38.640] The result is, oh yeah, oh, I got this grade.
[14:38.640 -> 14:41.360] Oh, they did, you know, I'm getting an award for that.
[14:41.360 -> 14:45.120] And, you know, I grew up with all of that,
[14:45.120 -> 14:46.160] but I see it in my kids now
[14:46.160 -> 14:47.640] and I think it's actually problematic
[14:47.640 -> 14:51.000] because it sets you up for a definition of success
[14:51.000 -> 14:53.120] that is not the same thing as happiness.
[14:53.120 -> 14:54.840] So many of us think,
[14:54.840 -> 14:57.720] we think that when we get a better job,
[14:57.720 -> 15:01.280] a nicer car, we can go on a nicer holiday,
[15:01.280 -> 15:04.460] we get a promotion, we think we're gonna be happy.
[15:06.880 -> 15:13.880] But what happens for many, many people is that they bust a gut to get all those things. They get those things and
[15:13.880 -> 15:18.380] then they realize, man, I still feel crap. I've still got that hole in my heart that
[15:18.380 -> 15:21.360] hasn't plugged that hole like I thought it was going to.
[15:21.360 -> 15:27.000] And I mean, I'm intrigued from you guys actually, because you talk to, you know, incredible athletes,
[15:27.000 -> 15:30.840] incredible people who have met society's definition
[15:30.840 -> 15:31.760] of success, right?
[15:31.760 -> 15:33.480] That's, I guess in many ways,
[15:33.480 -> 15:34.820] why they're being invited onto the show,
[15:34.820 -> 15:39.720] because, you know, people get, they're successful, right?
[15:39.720 -> 15:42.960] But how many of them, and you know,
[15:42.960 -> 15:45.980] you may not know that from an hour chatting to them,
[15:45.980 -> 15:47.920] but how many of them are truly happy?
[15:47.920 -> 15:48.960] That's a question I've got
[15:48.960 -> 15:52.560] because I spoke to Pippa Grange on my podcast
[15:52.560 -> 15:53.960] a couple of years ago now.
[15:53.960 -> 15:58.160] Pippa was the psychologist with the England football team.
[15:58.160 -> 15:59.760] Gareth Southgate brought her on.
[15:59.760 -> 16:04.240] She was widely credited as being one of the voices
[16:04.240 -> 16:05.440] that led to the culture change
[16:05.440 -> 16:10.520] in the England football team. She's got this beautiful concept called winning shallow or
[16:10.520 -> 16:17.000] winning deep. And she talks about how many of these elite athletes or elite footballers
[16:17.000 -> 16:24.040] would literally, they'd win the FA Cup, right? They'd be, they'd pick up the trophy from
[16:24.040 -> 16:26.360] being a kid. They'd be practicing, they'd be being a kid, they've been practicing,
[16:26.360 -> 16:28.160] they've been working, they've been playing every weekend,
[16:28.160 -> 16:30.580] training, training, they get it.
[16:30.580 -> 16:33.320] And as they're walking down the stairs,
[16:33.320 -> 16:34.760] they're feeling crap inside.
[16:35.680 -> 16:37.360] It didn't plug that hole.
[16:37.360 -> 16:39.520] I heard your conversation with Johnny Wilkinson.
[16:39.520 -> 16:43.100] Johnny said, didn't he, when he won the World Cup,
[16:43.100 -> 16:45.680] it's fleeting, That moment is fleeting.
[16:45.680 -> 16:48.680] Within seconds of that, you've lost it.
[16:48.680 -> 16:49.500] It's downhill.
[16:49.500 -> 16:51.440] If that's the pinnacle of your career,
[16:51.440 -> 16:53.400] if that's the pinnacle of your life, you've got a problem.
[16:53.400 -> 16:54.720] Because if you do that in your twenties,
[16:54.720 -> 16:57.040] what does that say about the rest of your life?
[16:57.040 -> 17:01.440] So for me, the way I sort of frame it for people
[17:01.440 -> 17:05.000] is it's about identity, right?
[17:05.400 -> 17:08.060] Well, it's first of all, understanding what is success?
[17:08.060 -> 17:09.720] What is happiness?
[17:09.720 -> 17:13.320] They can overlap, but they don't always.
[17:13.320 -> 17:15.360] And there's a few things I think people can do
[17:15.360 -> 17:19.760] to actually define what happiness
[17:19.760 -> 17:21.640] and success looks like for them.
[17:22.600 -> 17:24.400] In fact, if you're up for it, there's a little exercise
[17:24.400 -> 17:45.880] in the book I can try on you guys, if you want. yw'r cyfansoddau a fyddai'n dweud yw'r cyfansoddau a fyddai'n dweud yw'r cyfansoddau a fyddai'n dweud yw'r cyfansoddau a fyddai'n dweud yw'r cyfansoddau a fyddai'n dweud yw'r cyfansoddau a fyddai'n dweud yw'r cyfansoddau a fyddai'n dweud yw'r cyfansoddau a fyddai'n dweud yw'r cyfansoddau a fyddai'n dweud yw'r cyfansoddau a fyddai'n dweud yw'r cyfansoddau a fyddai'n dweud yw'r cyfansoddau a fyddai'n dweud yw'r cyfansoddau a fyddai'n dweud yw'r cyfansoddau a fyddai'n dweud yw'r cyfansoddau a fyddai'n dweud yw'r cyfansoddau a fyddai'n dweud yw'r cyfansoddau a fyddai'n dweud yw'r cyfansoddau a fyddai'r cyfansoddau a fyddai'r cyfansoddau a fyddai'r cyfansoddau a fyddai'r cyfansoddau a fyddai'r cyfansoddau a fyddai'r cyfansoddau a fyddai'r cyfansoddau a fyddai'r cyfansoddau a fydd i'r flwyddyn, os ydych chi wedi'u gwneud, y byddwch chi'n teimlo eich bod chi'n hapus iawn?
[17:45.880 -> 17:48.380] Gwasanaeth â'r plant,
[17:48.380 -> 17:49.880] ymlaen â'r llwyf,
[17:49.880 -> 17:51.960] a ddysgu blynyddoedd da.
[17:51.960 -> 17:53.180] Iawn.
[17:53.180 -> 17:54.880] Byddwn hefyd yn gwasanaeth â'r plant,
[17:54.880 -> 17:56.420] dyna'r cyntaf.
[17:56.420 -> 18:00.420] Y cyntaf yw mynd i'r gynhyrchiad gyda fy niferol,
[18:00.420 -> 18:01.180] pan fyddem yn ymgyrchu'n gilydd,
[18:01.180 -> 18:03.000] mae'n ddiddorol iawn.
[18:03.000 -> 18:03.800] Ac yn ddiweddar,
[18:03.800 -> 18:04.720] gael y cyfamter o'r teulu'n gilydd,
[18:04.720 -> 18:06.960] y cwmni, y gofamilwyr, y phant,
[18:06.960 -> 18:09.720] a'r mam a'r dad, ar gyfer y bwyd.
[18:09.720 -> 18:10.960] Iawn, a byddwn yn hoffi hynny.
[18:10.960 -> 18:13.040] Ac yna'r ddau rhan o'r gwasanaeth
[18:13.040 -> 18:14.840] yw, mae'n ei ennill yn hapus.
[18:14.840 -> 18:16.480] Felly, dywedwch am y diwedd o'ch bywyd.
[18:16.480 -> 18:18.760] Cymdeithaswch eich bod chi ar eich bwydau'n dod.
[18:18.760 -> 18:20.640] Pa tri pethau byddwch chi eisiau
[18:20.640 -> 18:22.080] wedi'i wneud mewn bywyd
[18:22.080 -> 18:24.200] pan ydych chi'n ymlaen yno ar eich pwydau'n dod?
[18:24.200 -> 18:27.120] Yn y gynulleidfa, rwy'n credu, byddwn yn dod allan o'r gym, ond mwy o amser gyda'r plant, mwy o amser gyda'r ffamiliaid. you have wanted to have done in life when you're lying there on your deathbed? Basically, I think I drop out the gym thing,
[18:27.120 -> 18:29.800] but the more time with the kids, more time with the family,
[18:29.800 -> 18:32.080] I can't think much beyond those two, to be honest.
[18:32.080 -> 18:33.680] Yeah, yeah, exactly.
[18:33.680 -> 18:35.380] It involves family.
[18:35.380 -> 18:38.200] And what's really interesting about that is
[18:38.200 -> 18:42.360] it gives you this sort of microscopic day-to-day stuff,
[18:42.360 -> 18:44.200] and it also gives you the big picture stuff.
[18:44.200 -> 18:48.120] And actually, when you really go into the exercise sort of properly you write down
[18:48.120 -> 18:50.480] three things and you write down three things to the end of your life then you
[18:50.480 -> 18:55.320] go back to the first one and go okay if I manage to do these three things each
[18:55.320 -> 19:01.200] week then I know I'm moving towards the happy ending that I want but for many
[19:01.200 -> 19:05.040] people when you do it you realize realize, oh, wait a minute,
[19:05.040 -> 19:07.000] like at any moment I want to talk about my relationships,
[19:07.000 -> 19:09.240] my friends, and my passions.
[19:09.240 -> 19:10.480] I'm too busy with work.
[19:10.480 -> 19:12.000] Like I'm working every weekend.
[19:12.000 -> 19:17.000] I'm not home to see my kids Monday to Friday.
[19:17.000 -> 19:18.160] And it's about intention.
[19:18.160 -> 19:19.800] It's not about having to go with people, right?
[19:19.800 -> 19:20.820] I understand life is tough.
[19:20.820 -> 19:21.660] It's just about,
[19:22.560 -> 19:24.360] and I think that's what high performance life is
[19:24.360 -> 19:25.080] as well for me. It's an intentional life. It's just about, and I think that's what high performance life is as well for me.
[19:25.080 -> 19:26.600] It's an intentional life.
[19:26.600 -> 19:28.800] It's you living life on your own terms
[19:28.800 -> 19:31.160] because you've taken the time to define it.
[19:31.160 -> 19:33.880] So what you both said about relationships as well
[19:33.880 -> 19:35.800] in the context of happiness and high performance,
[19:35.800 -> 19:37.120] I think is really, really interesting
[19:37.120 -> 19:40.240] because there's this incredible study from Harvard.
[19:40.240 -> 19:42.480] It's probably the longest running study we've got.
[19:42.480 -> 19:45.200] It's been going on for over 75 years.
[19:45.200 -> 19:48.240] And they've done it in people who've got
[19:48.240 -> 19:50.480] all the privilege in life who end up at Harvard,
[19:50.480 -> 19:52.760] but they've also got people who don't go to Harvard
[19:52.760 -> 19:55.480] who are from a more working class background.
[19:55.480 -> 19:57.960] And it doesn't matter who you are or where you're from,
[19:57.960 -> 20:02.600] the number one factor for your happiness
[20:02.600 -> 20:05.000] is the quality of your relationships.
[20:05.200 -> 20:06.400] Like nothing else comes close.
[20:06.400 -> 20:07.800] So therefore, if we're talking about happiness,
[20:07.800 -> 20:09.960] we're talking about high performance,
[20:09.960 -> 20:13.120] you've have both said relationships,
[20:13.120 -> 20:16.620] children, partners, friends, right?
[20:16.620 -> 20:18.540] So the question then is, I would say the same thing,
[20:18.540 -> 20:20.340] but I realized a few years ago,
[20:21.480 -> 20:22.480] actually, you know what, Rangan,
[20:22.480 -> 20:24.520] you can say that those things are important to you,
[20:24.520 -> 20:25.080] but you're working so much that you never see them. Actually, you know what, Rangan, you can say that those things are important to you, but
[20:25.080 -> 20:27.800] you're working so much that you never see them.
[20:27.800 -> 20:34.140] So instead of beating myself up then, it's about going, okay, so how can I subtly shift
[20:34.140 -> 20:36.640] something to kind of change that?
[20:36.640 -> 20:40.320] And I'll tell you one of my patients from a few years ago, I remember so well, and I
[20:40.320 -> 20:42.920] think the story might resonate with your audience.
[20:42.920 -> 20:46.440] 35 year old chap came in to see me,
[20:46.440 -> 20:49.720] felt a bit indifferent about life, feeling pretty low.
[20:49.720 -> 20:51.600] And I was asking him about his life
[20:51.600 -> 20:55.380] and from the outside, like this guy was crushing it.
[20:56.340 -> 20:58.480] Good job, running his own business, right?
[20:58.480 -> 21:00.880] Making good money, driving a sports car, right?
[21:00.880 -> 21:04.560] He's got all those external metrics of success.
[21:04.560 -> 21:05.200] And maybe people are
[21:05.200 -> 21:09.480] listening right now going yeah that's what I want right but here's the thing I
[21:09.480 -> 21:13.160] asked him because I'm trying to figure out what's going on here why is he
[21:13.160 -> 21:17.440] feeling so low why does he struggles get out bed some mornings I said okay how
[21:17.440 -> 21:23.880] how often do you see your friends and he said well you know you know I'm sort of
[21:23.880 -> 21:25.920] I kind of see what they're up to on social
[21:25.920 -> 21:27.720] media, see them on Facebook and Instagram.
[21:27.720 -> 21:28.720] I know what they're doing.
[21:28.720 -> 21:33.320] And I said, how often do you actually see them in real life?
[21:33.320 -> 21:36.360] He goes, I'm just too busy at our time.
[21:36.360 -> 21:41.440] And so I checked other things out, but the prescription I gave to him, I said, okay,
[21:41.440 -> 21:48.800] listen, for the next six weeks, I want you to see your friends in person once a week.
[21:48.800 -> 21:49.960] Now, he was lucky.
[21:49.960 -> 21:53.160] He lived in the town where he grew up, so his friends actually lived nearby.
[21:53.160 -> 21:54.160] He just never saw them.
[21:54.160 -> 21:55.740] I sent him away.
[21:55.740 -> 21:57.240] He comes back six weeks later.
[21:57.240 -> 21:59.720] He's like a different person.
[21:59.720 -> 22:03.800] He bounces into the room and I said, how are you feeling?
[22:03.800 -> 22:06.000] He goes, that's just, I feel great. I said, what happened? He goes, Dr. Chastity, I feel great.
[22:06.000 -> 22:06.840] I said, what happened?
[22:06.840 -> 22:09.900] He goes, well, we started off on a Sunday morning.
[22:09.900 -> 22:13.140] We'd go to the local cafe and catch up over a latte.
[22:14.020 -> 22:15.360] And then after a few weeks,
[22:15.360 -> 22:19.740] that led to us restarting playing Five Aside once a week.
[22:19.740 -> 22:23.900] And essentially, you know, I'm not exaggerating one iota here
[22:23.900 -> 22:25.240] he didn't have a, you know, a'm not exaggerating one iota here. He didn't have a
[22:27.240 -> 22:31.980] You know a serotonin deficiency, right he didn't have an antidepressant deficiency
[22:32.400 -> 22:39.000] He had a friendship and relationship deficiency in his life, right and he actually had the relationships
[22:39.260 -> 22:41.260] He was just too busy chasing
[22:42.040 -> 22:46.200] Success to actually nourish them and And his friends didn't know.
[22:46.200 -> 22:47.880] This is what he shared with me.
[22:47.880 -> 22:51.160] He said, actually, my friends thought I was crushing it.
[22:51.160 -> 22:53.360] And there's a whole chapter on this in the book.
[22:53.360 -> 22:55.160] It's called, Have Massless Conversations.
[22:55.160 -> 22:57.920] It's about having those relationships
[22:57.920 -> 23:00.680] where you can actually take off your masks
[23:00.680 -> 23:03.680] and really be who you are.
[23:03.680 -> 23:04.720] Like, cause you know, we go,
[23:04.720 -> 23:06.120] we often perform at life, don't we?
[23:06.120 -> 23:08.600] We show up and we put on a certain side of us
[23:08.600 -> 23:10.280] so people think of us in a certain way,
[23:10.280 -> 23:12.240] but who are those people in your life
[23:12.240 -> 23:14.000] where you can be yourself,
[23:14.000 -> 23:15.160] where you can take off the mask
[23:15.160 -> 23:18.600] and you can share your vulnerabilities, your insecurities.
[23:18.600 -> 23:20.560] And we know from research of those,
[23:20.560 -> 23:24.320] that is so nourishing for our health and our happiness.
[23:24.320 -> 23:28.320] See, what I love about that though, is that like that example of that guy that comes here
[23:28.320 -> 23:33.120] that doesn't cost anything does it you're not dispensing medicine or you're not making
[23:33.120 -> 23:37.120] expensive suggestions you're just going to just come connect on a very human level.
[23:37.120 -> 23:42.880] Wellness and well-being people often say that it's the preserve of the middle class
[23:50.340 -> 23:51.160] and I passionately disagree with that yeah sure it might make it easier no question
[23:52.280 -> 23:58.480] but I'm pretty proud of that pretty much everything I ever recommend whether it's in this book or my previous books is
[23:59.240 -> 24:05.640] Either free or low cost and is accessible to everyone. And I really, I take that seriously.
[24:05.640 -> 24:08.000] I think it's the way I've been brought up,
[24:08.000 -> 24:10.760] but it's also, you know, I have seen affluent patients,
[24:10.760 -> 24:13.480] I've seen poor patients and, you know,
[24:13.480 -> 24:16.980] there's a common humanity that binds us all together.
[24:18.240 -> 24:20.560] And I just want to help people, right?
[24:20.560 -> 24:23.280] And I know if you can simplify messaging,
[24:23.280 -> 24:25.400] you know, for me was I was challenged myself
[24:27.400 -> 24:27.880] Is that simple enough?
[24:33.120 -> 24:33.520] Could you simplify that concept even more? Yeah, you know, I've realized that you know, I I
[24:34.960 -> 24:40.760] Hope I've done it with this book But I remember when I when I when I sat down to write my very first book five years ago. It's called a four-pillar plan
[24:40.760 -> 24:42.760] I remember
[24:43.080 -> 24:46.240] First week or two of writing, I was thinking, you
[24:46.240 -> 24:51.120] know, I really want doctors to like this. I want my peers to like this book. And after
[24:51.120 -> 24:54.760] a couple of weeks, I was like, Ronan, why are you writing this book? Are you writing
[24:54.760 -> 24:59.720] it to help people or just to show off to your peers about how much you know? And I scrapped
[24:59.720 -> 25:02.800] it. I thought, right, I'm starting from scratch. I want this book to help people. So I'm going
[25:02.800 -> 25:05.280] to write this for the reader. So it's helpful and actionable for them. Anytime I think I'm Dwi'n dechrau o'r gwirionedd, rwy'n eisiau bod y llyfr hwn i'w helpu pobl, felly rydw i'n mynd i'w gwrdd â'r llyfrwr,
[25:05.280 -> 25:09.920] fel y byddai'n helpu a'n gweithredu arnynt. Unwaith y byddwn yn dweud fy mod i'n cyd-dewis, rwy'n ceisio dweud i bobl
[25:09.920 -> 25:14.720] pa mor rwy'n gwybod. Edrychwch ymlaen, gofyn eich hun, a oes y peth honno'n angen ei fod yn eich gilydd,
[25:14.720 -> 25:16.480] neu yw'n ei wneud ar gyfer eich ego?
[25:16.480 -> 25:20.480] Mae'n ddod o hyd i'r cwestiwn ddiddorol y sônais gyda Jake a fi cyn i ni gysylltu â chi,
[25:20.480 -> 25:25.200] yw pa mor bwysig yw bod yn awthentig nawr ymwneud â'r bod yn cael ei dderbyn,
[25:25.200 -> 25:29.040] oherwydd, wrth gwrs, pan ydych chi'n siarad yno am cael ei dderbyn o ran eich pwyllgor,
[25:29.840 -> 25:35.360] mae'n deimlo bod yn ddrwyr iechyd, ac nawr mae'r adroddiad yn llawer am awthentigedd.
[25:35.360 -> 25:40.080] Ie, rwyf wedi newid yn unig. Mae'n bwysig iawn am awthentigedd nawr,
[25:40.080 -> 25:44.480] ond yr hyn rwy'n ei gynnal yn awthentigedd ddiwylliannol, nid awthentigedd gweithreduol.
[25:44.800 -> 25:49.800] but what I call true authenticity, not performative authenticity. I couldn't have written this book even three years ago
[25:49.800 -> 25:54.800] because I've been very open about perceived failings in my life,
[25:54.800 -> 25:57.800] insecurities that I've had,
[25:57.800 -> 26:01.200] and I would have been too scared of what people would have thought of me.
[26:01.200 -> 26:04.600] But, you know, since my dad died in 2013,
[26:04.600 -> 26:05.660] it was such a massive hole in my life would have thought of me. But since my dad died in 2013,
[26:08.280 -> 26:09.340] it was such a massive hole in my life. For many reasons, of course,
[26:09.340 -> 26:12.280] losing parents is always tricky.
[26:13.260 -> 26:14.380] But I used to care for dad.
[26:14.380 -> 26:16.180] So I moved back to the Northwest.
[26:16.180 -> 26:17.500] I was working at Edinburgh as a doctor.
[26:17.500 -> 26:20.060] I moved back to help my mom and my brother care for dad.
[26:20.060 -> 26:21.580] That was 15 years of my adult life,
[26:21.580 -> 26:23.000] being a carer for dad.
[26:23.000 -> 26:24.540] So I lived five minutes away.
[26:25.440 -> 26:29.040] I'd say when dad died, that was a huge hole.
[26:29.040 -> 26:31.080] And I had time for the first time in my adult life.
[26:31.080 -> 26:33.480] I'd go walking, I'd go thinking.
[26:33.480 -> 26:36.720] And really I've made so many changes since then
[26:36.720 -> 26:38.960] because I would question myself,
[26:38.960 -> 26:40.960] whose life are you living?
[26:40.960 -> 26:42.480] Are you living someone else's life?
[26:42.480 -> 26:44.440] Are you living your own life?
[26:44.440 -> 26:48.480] And really my quest more and more is,
[26:49.420 -> 26:51.540] how can I really be me?
[26:52.500 -> 26:53.780] Not perform at being me,
[26:53.780 -> 26:57.260] not the version of me that I think other people want.
[26:58.460 -> 26:59.940] How can I truly be me?
[26:59.940 -> 27:01.900] And it's been a quest on my own podcast.
[27:01.900 -> 27:03.140] I try very much to think,
[27:03.140 -> 27:07.560] am I being the same person off the mic as on the mic?
[27:07.560 -> 27:09.200] And it sounds like it'd be the easiest thing in the world,
[27:09.200 -> 27:10.480] right? Just be yourself.
[27:10.480 -> 27:11.720] Why is it the hardest thing?
[27:11.720 -> 27:14.800] Because as kids, we were ourselves,
[27:14.800 -> 27:16.900] but somehow then we take on all these,
[27:16.900 -> 27:18.800] this conditioning from society.
[27:18.800 -> 27:20.160] And the truth is, you know,
[27:21.480 -> 27:24.420] I think for most of my life, I didn't feel good enough.
[27:24.420 -> 27:25.760] I think there's something about the,
[27:25.760 -> 27:28.160] maybe the immigrant mentality here that,
[27:28.160 -> 27:32.360] I remember if I came home from school with 99%,
[27:32.360 -> 27:34.800] my mum and dad would say, why didn't you get 100?
[27:35.920 -> 27:38.560] If I came, got 19 out of 20,
[27:38.560 -> 27:41.360] it was like, why didn't you get 20 out of 20?
[27:41.360 -> 27:44.560] So, to be really clear, I love my parents.
[27:44.560 -> 27:46.680] They brought me up, I think, really, really well.
[27:46.680 -> 27:48.560] This is not about criticizing them.
[27:48.560 -> 27:50.280] This is about what did I take from that
[27:50.280 -> 27:51.120] that I didn't realize.
[27:51.120 -> 27:55.260] I think I took from that, if I'm not the best,
[27:55.260 -> 27:58.960] if I'm not crushing it, if I'm not getting achievements,
[28:00.100 -> 28:02.160] I'm not really loved.
[28:02.160 -> 28:04.340] And I spoke to mum about that, literally,
[28:04.340 -> 28:05.680] because I wrote about this in the book, and I spoke to mum about this a few months ago. I said, hey mum. And I spoke to mum about that, literally, cause I wrote about this in the book.
[28:05.680 -> 28:07.640] And I spoke to mum about this a few months ago.
[28:07.640 -> 28:10.240] I said, hey mum, can I ask you, why did you,
[28:10.240 -> 28:11.680] why did you, you know,
[28:11.680 -> 28:13.760] why did you keep asking me those things?
[28:13.760 -> 28:15.800] And she said, well, I knew you were capable.
[28:15.800 -> 28:18.200] I wanted you to be the best that you could be.
[28:18.200 -> 28:20.800] Now, you know, you know, what's up, you get older,
[28:20.800 -> 28:24.400] you have kids, you really start to kind of see your parents
[28:24.400 -> 28:25.520] in a different light. Like I think, oh wow, you know, how did you deal with those struggles? Like I'm a similar age, you have kids, you really start to kind of see your parents in a different light.
[28:25.520 -> 28:28.440] Like think, oh wow, how did you deal with those struggles?
[28:28.440 -> 28:30.360] Like I'm a similar age, you know, that sort of thing.
[28:30.360 -> 28:31.280] It's really interesting.
[28:31.280 -> 28:33.880] And from their perspective,
[28:33.880 -> 28:36.600] they've come to a foreign country, the UK.
[28:36.600 -> 28:39.320] They're facing discrimination in various ways.
[28:40.480 -> 28:43.600] Their way of their kids not having to face that
[28:43.600 -> 28:45.940] was to crush it at school.
[28:45.940 -> 28:47.940] That's why education is such a massive thing
[28:47.940 -> 28:49.100] for lots of immigrant families.
[28:49.100 -> 28:50.620] It's like, if you do well,
[28:50.620 -> 28:52.540] if you get A grades, you go to a good university,
[28:52.540 -> 28:55.340] you won't have to face what we faced.
[28:55.340 -> 28:57.100] So I love Amar, I understand.
[28:57.100 -> 28:58.900] She says, look, we didn't do that with your brother
[28:58.900 -> 28:59.860] because your brother's different from you,
[28:59.860 -> 29:02.260] but we did it with you because we know you're capable.
[29:02.260 -> 29:04.620] But I took that as being, I'm not good enough
[29:04.620 -> 29:08.480] unless I be someone who I'm not.
[29:08.480 -> 29:10.120] And I've only realized in the last few years
[29:10.120 -> 29:12.040] how toxic that has been for me.
[29:12.040 -> 29:16.520] I think for much of my life, I won shallow.
[29:17.480 -> 29:18.660] I didn't win deep.
[29:19.720 -> 29:23.320] I can't remember at uni, I was at uni at Edinburgh.
[29:23.320 -> 29:26.640] And sometimes on a Sunday,
[29:26.640 -> 29:28.360] you've been partying Friday, Saturday night,
[29:28.360 -> 29:29.840] on a Sunday, we'd go to this place
[29:29.840 -> 29:31.920] called Diane's Pool Hall at Edinburgh.
[29:31.920 -> 29:33.880] I'd go with one of my best mates,
[29:33.880 -> 29:36.360] and if I was ever losing, I'm a pretty decent player,
[29:36.360 -> 29:39.560] if I was ever losing, I'd go into the toilets,
[29:39.560 -> 29:41.240] I'd go and look at myself in the mirror,
[29:41.240 -> 29:43.240] I'd hit myself on the cheek, I'd say,
[29:43.240 -> 29:49.040] come on, Chatterjee, come on, get back out there. Well, I'd go there and more often than not I'd go and win but what's really interesting
[29:49.960 -> 29:54.940] Is it was quite a shallow win? I've realized I didn't it wasn't that I wanted to win
[29:56.280 -> 29:59.040] It's just that the pain of losing was too great
[30:00.160 -> 30:02.160] Do you know it does not make sense?
[30:02.360 -> 30:06.320] Because what was it that you felt losing would say about you I
[30:07.040 -> 30:10.680] Had tied winning up with my identity
[30:11.480 -> 30:13.560] Right. So and this is where I think
[30:14.440 -> 30:21.520] Many of us fall into a trap whether it's success whether it's winning whether it's your job, right? What's your identity?
[30:22.040 -> 30:26.320] So I think identity is really key for all of us to ask ourselves and I think it comes down to values
[30:26.920 -> 30:32.920] Because my identity was tied up in winning if I win life's great if I lose
[30:33.560 -> 30:36.960] Life's just not a little bit bad life's awful
[30:37.360 -> 30:41.680] right, I think then you spiral into what I call junk happiness in the book junk happiness is
[30:42.600 -> 30:45.320] Something wrong with junk happiness, but junk
[30:45.320 -> 30:50.040] happiness is the sort of things that we think happiness are. So half a bottle of
[30:50.040 -> 30:54.720] wine, trip down to the casino, chocolate bar. I'm not saying those things are bad,
[30:54.720 -> 30:59.180] but if you're engaging in them too often and you think that's what's making you
[30:59.180 -> 31:03.240] happy, I think that's potentially a problem. So I've done a lot of work on my
[31:03.240 -> 31:05.520] identity. I don't even identify anymore as a
[31:06.240 -> 31:12.880] father or as a doctor. I don't think that surprises people. So I think identities can be limiting for
[31:12.880 -> 31:19.440] us. So if I say I'm a doctor and I'm a father, and to be clear, I'm very proud of both of those things,
[31:20.640 -> 31:26.400] then what happens? Let's say I get fired from a job as a doctor, let's say I get sick and
[31:26.400 -> 31:28.500] I can't work.
[31:28.500 -> 31:32.440] If my identity is wrapped up in being a doctor, I've got a problem.
[31:32.440 -> 31:34.680] I've started to feel worthless.
[31:34.680 -> 31:41.860] As a father, if who I am as a father, then what happens when my kids leave home, right?
[31:41.860 -> 31:45.200] What happens if my kids shout at me when the teenagers and we have a round, they say, you're a crap father, right? What happens if my kids shout at me when the teenagers
[31:45.200 -> 31:48.000] and we have a round, they say, you're a crap father, right?
[31:48.000 -> 31:48.840] This happens.
[31:48.840 -> 31:51.920] I've got patients like this, where they feel worthless
[31:51.920 -> 31:53.920] because the whole identity is wrapped up in that.
[31:53.920 -> 31:56.700] So those are roles that I play.
[31:56.700 -> 31:58.320] They're not who I am.
[31:58.320 -> 32:02.680] And what I think is a useful exercise for everyone is to,
[32:02.680 -> 32:04.720] in the book I call it the identity menu,
[32:04.720 -> 32:05.320] where you go
[32:05.320 -> 32:07.760] through, I've listed about 15 values or so.
[32:07.760 -> 32:12.880] It's not an exhaustive list, but really trying to identify what are your core values.
[32:12.880 -> 32:15.760] So for me, I've done this exercise on many occasions.
[32:15.760 -> 32:23.880] My three core values are integrity, curiosity, and compassion.
[32:23.880 -> 32:26.760] Those are the values I try and bring into everything I do.
[32:26.760 -> 32:30.760] So when I'm a father, am I living by those values?
[32:30.760 -> 32:33.840] When I'm a doctor, am I living by those values?
[32:33.840 -> 32:36.200] When I'm on the high performance podcast,
[32:36.200 -> 32:39.520] interacting with you two, am I living by those values?
[32:39.520 -> 32:41.400] Because then if I am,
[32:41.400 -> 32:44.280] that's what I can take around with me in my back pocket,
[32:44.280 -> 32:45.040] no matter what happens
[32:45.040 -> 32:46.040] in life.
[32:46.040 -> 32:47.040] Does that make sense?
[32:47.040 -> 32:48.040] Yeah, yeah.
[32:48.040 -> 32:51.880] But what I'm intrigued about then, Rungan, is how did you identify them?
[32:51.880 -> 32:56.520] So how anyone listening to this could go through that process of identifying what are their
[32:56.520 -> 32:57.520] three core values?
[32:57.520 -> 33:01.320] Yeah, that's a great question.
[33:01.320 -> 33:05.000] I think how I did it was,
[33:05.000 -> 33:07.180] this wasn't just like a one hit where I just sat down
[33:07.180 -> 33:09.920] and go, what are my three core values?
[33:09.920 -> 33:14.400] This was a constant process of self-inquiry,
[33:14.400 -> 33:18.220] asking myself questions, like regularly asking myself,
[33:18.220 -> 33:19.560] do these values sit with me?
[33:19.560 -> 33:22.200] Reassess a few weeks later, get not sure.
[33:22.200 -> 33:24.560] This, you know, it's asking a lot of questions.
[33:24.560 -> 33:27.480] One of the things that's really helped me, and I think it's really helped me with my
[33:27.480 -> 33:33.120] values is this idea that I call seek out friction.
[33:33.120 -> 33:37.060] I think this is probably the thing that's had the most impact on my happiness over the
[33:37.060 -> 33:39.800] past few years, if not over my entire life.
[33:39.800 -> 33:46.000] And it's look for friction in day today life and use it as your teacher.
[33:46.000 -> 33:53.000] So let's say you get an email from your boss or a colleague that pisses you off, right?
[33:53.000 -> 33:59.000] You could take the opinion that they should send me an email differently.
[33:59.000 -> 34:02.000] They should use better tone in their email, right?
[34:02.000 -> 34:07.680] But then you make yourself a prisoner because ultimately you now are dependent on how people
[34:07.680 -> 34:13.360] around you are behaving for your happiness in order for you to feel good.
[34:13.360 -> 34:18.080] So I would say flip it in that moment go, okay, what can I learn about myself here?
[34:18.080 -> 34:23.000] What is it that's been triggered in me, right?
[34:23.000 -> 34:24.520] Why am I getting bothered?
[34:24.520 -> 34:25.640] Because one thing I've learned, mate,
[34:25.640 -> 34:28.600] is that when you get to that place
[34:28.600 -> 34:30.720] where you are truly secure in who you are,
[34:30.720 -> 34:32.720] I'm not always there, I'm better than I was,
[34:32.720 -> 34:36.080] I've still got some ways to go,
[34:36.080 -> 34:38.880] but when you're truly secure in who you are,
[34:38.880 -> 34:42.760] what other people do, it doesn't really bother you.
[34:42.760 -> 34:44.920] Like the praise doesn't go to your head
[34:44.920 -> 34:46.780] and artificially elevate your ego
[34:46.780 -> 34:49.080] like it might've done in the past.
[34:49.080 -> 34:51.740] But the criticism also doesn't take you down
[34:51.740 -> 34:53.200] and make you feel worthless
[34:53.200 -> 34:56.360] because you know you're responsible for your feelings.
[34:56.360 -> 34:58.200] So I use that every day.
[34:58.200 -> 35:00.760] If something happens and I get triggered,
[35:00.760 -> 35:02.440] I'm like, why did that trigger me?
[35:02.440 -> 35:04.560] Is it because I'm knackered and I haven't slept?
[35:04.560 -> 35:08.200] Is it because actually they've got a point?
[35:08.200 -> 35:10.080] You know, because sometimes, you know what it's like,
[35:10.080 -> 35:10.920] you know.
[35:10.920 -> 35:12.840] It's not about being blind to the potential criticism
[35:12.840 -> 35:13.920] or the issues you've got, is it?
[35:13.920 -> 35:16.040] Yeah, it's about being honest.
[35:16.040 -> 35:17.600] And I think, you know,
[35:17.600 -> 35:20.040] in the wider concepts of high performance,
[35:20.040 -> 35:22.520] I think one of the problems of this links to authenticity
[35:22.520 -> 35:24.840] is I think many of us are walking around
[35:24.840 -> 35:26.400] not knowing who we really are.
[35:27.120 -> 35:37.160] Right. We're trying to live up to society's definition of success. We're in the rat race. We're so busy trying to do more, be more, acquire more, get more.
[35:46.780 -> 35:53.320] be and like be ourselves. And I think that's the big ticket journey for high performance for happiness is are you living a truly authentic life? I really think that's what it's about.
[35:53.320 -> 35:58.440] It's an argument though, that we have to go through a period of confusion and not knowing
[35:58.440 -> 36:05.400] and self doubt because you know, we'vech chi'n 41? 44. 44.
[36:06.440 -> 36:09.480] Rwy'n credu na fyddwn wedi'n gallu hyrwyddo'r podcast hwn
[36:09.480 -> 36:10.480] yn ôl ychydig flynyddoedd,
[36:10.480 -> 36:12.160] oherwydd nid oeddwn yn teimlo'n hyderus enough
[36:12.160 -> 36:13.920] i gael sgwrs am y cyflwyniad cyhoeddus,
[36:13.920 -> 36:15.800] oherwydd fy mhobl sy'n ymwneud â mi oeddwn i'n cael ei ymdrechu gan eraill.
[36:15.800 -> 36:18.160] Felly dyna oedd y broblem.
[36:18.160 -> 36:19.280] Ac yna rwy'n edrych ar y plant,
[36:19.280 -> 36:20.760] a sgwrsaws amdanynt ar y dechrau.
[36:20.760 -> 36:21.760] Wel, nid oedd ganddyn nhw broblem,
[36:21.760 -> 36:24.640] oherwydd maen nhw'n unig yn unigol ac yn ddiogel.
[36:24.640 -> 36:25.860] Wyf yn dweud, y diwrnod hwnn just totally and utterly authentic. You know, Sebastian said the other day,
[36:25.860 -> 36:27.500] I want to be a rock star, but he says it in a way
[36:27.500 -> 36:28.860] that it's literally going to happen.
[36:28.860 -> 36:29.860] And that's wonderful, isn't it?
[36:29.860 -> 36:31.940] Because they just believe it.
[36:31.940 -> 36:35.820] So do you feel that people have to go through the decade
[36:35.820 -> 36:39.140] or maybe two decades of confusion from let's say 18 to 38
[36:39.140 -> 36:42.620] till you hit your 40s where life is hard and life is tricky
[36:42.620 -> 36:43.780] and there'll be people listening to this
[36:43.780 -> 36:47.880] that are right in the middle of that now probably. It's something I think about a lot Jake
[36:47.880 -> 36:54.200] this idea that can you learn this stuff without having to go through it. You know
[36:54.200 -> 36:57.880] think about that as parents don't we we want to protect our kids from having to
[36:57.880 -> 37:03.200] go through the hard times even though we probably all... The only way they're gonna learn is by letting them go through the hard times.
[37:03.200 -> 37:05.340] Exactly it's if we think about our own lives
[37:05.340 -> 37:07.340] I think speaking for myself
[37:08.580 -> 37:10.580] Adversity is
[37:11.860 -> 37:15.280] When I learned the most adversity is what has taught me
[37:16.540 -> 37:18.540] Probably the most powerful learnings in my life
[37:19.220 -> 37:24.740] So I think on some level yes, I really do I as a doctor I think about this all the time
[37:24.740 -> 37:25.340] Why does
[37:25.340 -> 37:34.200] it take someone for their partner to die or them to have a heart attack before they want
[37:34.200 -> 37:40.340] to follow the advice that they knew before, but they needed that? So I think you're right.
[37:40.340 -> 37:46.040] I think there's an element of that, but I don't think we, I don't think we necessarily have to go to the extremes.
[37:46.040 -> 37:48.120] I think we can learn some of these things.
[37:48.120 -> 37:51.600] And I hope, I'm sure people are finding this already
[37:51.600 -> 37:52.840] when they listen to your show regularly,
[37:52.840 -> 37:56.680] that the lessons they keep learning week after week,
[37:57.720 -> 38:01.000] I'm sure are helping shift their perspective.
[38:01.000 -> 38:03.760] You know, we didn't have podcasts when we grew up, right?
[38:03.760 -> 38:07.400] We didn't have access to all this incredible information just at the tip of our fingertips.
[38:07.400 -> 38:10.600] So I don't feel it was that easy to learn this stuff.
[38:10.600 -> 38:15.480] Whereas you probably got teenagers now listening to the podcast, learning this stuff going,
[38:15.480 -> 38:17.040] Oh wow, well, hold on a minute.
[38:17.040 -> 38:21.920] Johnny Wilkerson, he won the world cup and then it was downhill in his emotions straight
[38:21.920 -> 38:22.920] after that.
[38:22.920 -> 38:24.320] Oh wow, I wouldn't have thought that.
[38:24.320 -> 38:25.520] I would have thought that would be a pinnacle.
[38:25.520 -> 38:27.000] I'm trying to practice every day after school
[38:27.000 -> 38:28.880] because I think that's going to make me happy.
[38:28.880 -> 38:33.880] Even just putting that awareness into people early,
[38:34.760 -> 38:38.440] I feel means that they will turn the ship around earlier.
[38:42.800 -> 38:48.200] As a person with a very deep voice, I'm hired all the time for advertising campaigns.
[38:48.200 -> 38:53.920] But a deep voice doesn't sell B2B, and advertising on the wrong platform doesn't sell B2B either.
[38:53.920 -> 38:58.000] That's why if you're a B2B marketer, you should use LinkedIn ads.
[38:58.000 -> 39:02.000] LinkedIn has the targeting capabilities to help you reach the world's largest professional
[39:02.000 -> 39:03.000] audience.
[39:03.000 -> 39:05.280] That's right, over 70 million decision makers
[39:05.280 -> 39:06.840] all in one place.
[39:06.840 -> 39:09.280] All the big wigs, then medium wigs,
[39:09.280 -> 39:12.600] also small wigs who are on the path to becoming big wigs.
[39:12.600 -> 39:14.120] Okay, that's enough about wigs.
[39:14.120 -> 39:15.880] LinkedIn ads allows you to focus
[39:15.880 -> 39:18.720] on getting your B2B message to the right people.
[39:18.720 -> 39:21.640] So, does that mean you should use ads on LinkedIn
[39:21.640 -> 39:22.920] instead of hiring me,
[39:22.920 -> 39:30.340] the man with the deepest voice in the world? Yes, yes it does. Get started today and see why LinkedIn is the place to
[39:30.340 -> 39:36.480] be to be. We'll even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign. Go to LinkedIn.com
[39:36.480 -> 39:41.600] slash results to claim your credit. That's LinkedIn.com slash results. Terms and conditions
[39:41.600 -> 39:42.600] apply.
[39:42.600 -> 39:46.720] On our podcast, we love to highlight
[39:46.720 -> 39:50.240] businesses that are doing things a better way so you can live a better life
[39:50.240 -> 39:55.240] and that's why when I found Mint Mobile I had to share. So Mint Mobile ditched
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[41:17.040 -> 41:19.320] Mae taxau addas, ffeis a'r rheoliadau yn ymwneud â'r cyfrifoldeb.
[41:19.320 -> 41:21.520] Edrychwch ar Mint Mobile ar gyfer y deunyddion.
[41:23.960 -> 41:29.000] Wel, roedd yna ddysgu ddiddorol, o'r gwdim, yng nghyfraith eich byd a'r drwyddiau,
[41:29.000 -> 41:34.000] pan ddechreuodd Wendy am gynlluniau canser a oedd yn cael eu hysbysu gan chemotherapiaeth,
[41:34.000 -> 41:39.000] ac oedd pobl ddim yn debygus am yr hyn y gwneudd chemotherapiaeth, ond pan ddewisodd Wendy
[41:39.000 -> 41:45.920] y stori am castle, roedd hynny'n effeithiol o'r canser, ac roedd yn ywmni yn dod i mewn i ddysgu y casglu,
[41:45.920 -> 41:48.320] a dyna sut oeddent wedi'i ddysgu.
[41:48.320 -> 41:51.520] Y ffaith o ddefnyddio storïau a metaforau
[41:51.520 -> 41:55.480] i gael pobl yn deall beth oedd eu datblygiad,
[41:55.480 -> 41:57.000] ac felly ddechreuon nhw'n well yn gyflym,
[41:57.000 -> 42:00.160] oherwydd oedd gennynt y sylwad o gysylltiad â'r cysylltiad.
[42:00.160 -> 42:01.320] Y cysylltiad yw'r pwysig, nid?
[42:01.320 -> 42:04.880] Rhan o'r hyn rydw i'n ei wneud a'n gweithio yw i ddysgu droswyr,
[42:04.880 -> 42:05.000] felly dydyn ni ddim yn cael siarad llawer am gynhyrchu a bywydau Connection is key, isn't it? It's part of what I do in work is I teach doctors.
[42:05.000 -> 42:07.880] So we don't really get taught much about nutrition
[42:07.880 -> 42:09.960] and lifestyle at medical school at all.
[42:09.960 -> 42:12.340] And I've created this, you know,
[42:12.340 -> 42:13.520] World College GP accredited course
[42:13.520 -> 42:14.920] where we teach thousands of doctors
[42:14.920 -> 42:16.260] and healthcare professionals how you do this.
[42:16.260 -> 42:18.600] And once at the course, someone asked me,
[42:18.600 -> 42:21.760] what's the biggest thing you've learnt
[42:21.760 -> 42:24.520] in your years of practice?
[42:24.520 -> 42:25.600] I said, the biggest thing I've learnt are your, you know, years of practice. I said the biggest thing I've learnt
[42:26.240 -> 42:33.120] are these four words, connect first, educate second. And I kind of feel that holds true for
[42:33.120 -> 42:38.160] all of us in every aspect of life. Whenever I've got a patient in front of me, my number one goal
[42:38.160 -> 42:45.200] at the start is, how can I connect with this person? How can I use my body language? How can sut i gysylltu ag y bobl hwn? Sut i ddefnyddio fy nhydd? Sut i edrych arnyn nhw?
[42:45.200 -> 42:49.400] Sut i sicrhau eu bod yn teimlo'n clywed a'n cael eu gweld?
[42:49.400 -> 42:53.400] Unwaith eto, dylai dynnu i'r rhan o'r addysg
[42:53.400 -> 42:55.600] o helpu nhw i ddeall beth y maen nhw'n ei angen.
[42:55.600 -> 42:59.800] Oherwydd os ydych chi'n teimlo eich bod yn ddim, ac ydych chi'n gysylltu'n gyflym,
[42:59.800 -> 43:02.600] ac ymwneud â'r addysg, dydyn nhw ddim yn gweithio.
[43:02.600 -> 43:05.680] A oes gennych ni ddysgu wedi'i wneud? A byddwch chi'n dweud,
[43:05.680 -> 43:06.480] gwneud yn iawn,
[43:06.480 -> 43:07.520] neu'n gwirio'n amlwg,
[43:07.520 -> 43:08.640] yng Nghymru,
[43:08.640 -> 43:09.560] lle roedden nhw'n edrych ar ddraugwyr
[43:09.560 -> 43:10.480] a oedd yn cael eu hafodd
[43:10.480 -> 43:11.680] yn ymhellach i draugwyr
[43:11.680 -> 43:14.000] sydd wedi cael y lefel mwyaf o ddraugwyr.
[43:14.000 -> 43:15.000] Y gwahaniaeth oedd
[43:15.000 -> 43:15.920] y rhai sy'n cael eu hafodd
[43:15.920 -> 43:17.880] oedd wedi cael amser o'r 15 munud.
[43:17.880 -> 43:19.120] Y rhai sydd wedi cael y lefel mwyaf,
[43:19.120 -> 43:19.840] eu hafodd o'r 15 munud
[43:19.840 -> 43:21.840] oedd 18.5 munud.
[43:21.840 -> 43:23.000] Felly roedd y gysylltiad
[43:23.000 -> 43:23.840] yn y 3.5 munud.
[43:23.840 -> 43:24.600] Y cysylltiad yw'n clus.
[43:24.600 -> 43:26.760] Ond dyna'r gysylltiad gyda'r draugwyr a'r patient, ond beth rydyn ni'n siarad am, rydyn ni'n siarad am 18 and a half minutes. So that connection was that three and a half minutes. Connection's key, but that's the doctor patient relationship
[43:26.760 -> 43:28.240] but what we're talking about,
[43:28.240 -> 43:30.200] we're talking about a relationship, right?
[43:30.200 -> 43:34.200] Any relationship in life, think about with your wives.
[43:34.200 -> 43:38.480] This is not male or female or people's husbands or partners.
[43:38.480 -> 43:40.720] People want to feel heard first.
[43:40.720 -> 43:42.040] They want to feel heard.
[43:42.040 -> 43:43.840] And I think that's what we're missing
[43:43.840 -> 43:46.080] as we get busier and busier, we're rushing around.
[43:46.080 -> 43:47.720] We miss out that piece,
[43:47.720 -> 43:49.240] but it's the most important piece.
[43:49.240 -> 43:50.960] It's what makes us human.
[43:50.960 -> 43:53.400] Can you be a high performance individual
[43:53.400 -> 43:56.600] without having high levels of connection in your life?
[43:56.600 -> 43:57.840] I don't think you can.
[43:57.840 -> 43:58.920] I really don't think you can.
[43:58.920 -> 44:00.720] And Jake, you know, you asked me about,
[44:00.720 -> 44:04.880] at the start about society and not where's it go wrong,
[44:04.880 -> 44:05.920] but what happens to the kids.
[44:06.800 -> 44:12.880] Another thing which you know maybe I'm sharing because I know your sort of past guest list,
[44:14.000 -> 44:17.680] I think there's something about heroes that's problematic in society that I've been thinking
[44:17.680 -> 44:23.360] a lot about recently. I think we worship the wrong heroes and the example I'd give is
[44:24.160 -> 44:25.760] if I take my own life,
[44:25.760 -> 44:27.220] you know, I've loved sport my entire life,
[44:27.220 -> 44:29.060] I'd put people on a pedestal.
[44:30.220 -> 44:32.000] Man, I love Tiger Woods, right?
[44:32.000 -> 44:34.920] Literally, you know, as a teenager,
[44:34.920 -> 44:37.600] I wouldn't play golf, I wouldn't be interested in golf,
[44:37.600 -> 44:38.880] a tiger didn't exist.
[44:38.880 -> 44:42.320] Just wasn't a part of my upbringing, a part of my culture.
[44:42.320 -> 44:45.560] You know, golf would not have even been on my radar
[44:45.560 -> 44:47.040] without Tiger Woods.
[44:47.040 -> 44:49.160] So I put him on a pedestal.
[44:49.160 -> 44:52.800] And then, it's been very well documented,
[44:52.800 -> 44:55.520] the fall from grace that Tiger had.
[44:55.520 -> 44:57.480] And I think we worship the wrong heroes,
[44:57.480 -> 44:58.440] because here's the thing,
[44:58.440 -> 45:01.960] we put people like Tiger on a pedestal.
[45:01.960 -> 45:04.880] I mean, I wanna be like Tiger, look at him,
[45:04.880 -> 45:06.000] the way he holds those birdie putts.
[45:06.000 -> 45:08.000] Look at the way he drives, you know.
[45:08.000 -> 45:10.000] But here's the thing, it has
[45:10.000 -> 45:12.000] very little relevance for any one of us
[45:12.000 -> 45:14.000] because very few of us
[45:14.000 -> 45:16.000] have eight hours a day to practice.
[45:16.000 -> 45:18.000] Right? It's a
[45:18.000 -> 45:20.000] false comparison. We're like,
[45:20.000 -> 45:22.000] no, no, I want to be able to do that. Oh, Tiger does that little
[45:22.000 -> 45:24.000] stinger down the fair. I want to be able to do that. It's like, okay,
[45:24.000 -> 45:25.040] hold on a minute
[45:25.040 -> 45:26.880] Great sure go and practice
[45:26.880 -> 45:32.840] but if you put him on a pedestal and then suddenly you get you saw the outpouring of fear the anger the
[45:33.200 -> 45:37.680] Animosity towards him, right? He's just a flawed human being just like you just like me
[45:37.880 -> 45:42.820] Right, if you look at his upbringing you look at you know, everything that happened, of course, it was gonna happen
[45:43.320 -> 45:48.980] No social life, no girlfriends, his dad shouting racist abuse at him to train him for when
[45:48.980 -> 45:50.140] he's going to get it on the course.
[45:50.140 -> 45:53.360] Of course at some point that's going to blow up.
[45:53.360 -> 46:00.080] So we need to worship that component, say actually, you know, I worship his golf swing.
[46:00.080 -> 46:03.880] Even if you want to worship anything, which we can say is challenging in and of itself,
[46:03.880 -> 46:06.480] but if you want to worship Tiger, you we can say is challenging in and of itself, but if you want to worship Tiger,
[46:06.480 -> 46:07.840] you've got to worship every part of him.
[46:07.840 -> 46:10.200] You've got to worship also the painkiller addiction,
[46:10.200 -> 46:12.600] the broken marriage, the depression,
[46:12.600 -> 46:14.560] the real inner demons.
[46:14.560 -> 46:18.040] And so these days, and this is literally in the last years,
[46:18.040 -> 46:19.400] you know, who do I worship these days?
[46:19.400 -> 46:20.920] My father-in-law, right?
[46:20.920 -> 46:24.320] I tell you, that has more relevance for my life
[46:24.320 -> 46:25.480] than worshiping Tiger. I'm a huge
[46:25.480 -> 46:31.120] fan of Tiger still. I don't judge people. He did what he did. I'm in no position to
[46:31.120 -> 46:35.860] judge him. It's a big thing in my life is that I don't judge people. If I find myself
[46:35.860 -> 46:40.280] falling into that trap, I pull back and go, why are you judging? We love to judge people,
[46:40.280 -> 46:44.280] especially at the moment, but I think judgment for most of us comes from a feeling of inadequacy
[46:44.280 -> 46:46.280] in ourselves. so we like to
[46:46.900 -> 46:49.500] Put them down a little bit to make us feel a bit better
[46:49.500 -> 46:53.180] But again, you're putting yourself in a prison, but my father-in-law
[46:53.860 -> 46:57.800] If I go back to values my three core values are integrity
[46:58.700 -> 47:00.540] compassion and curiosity
[47:00.540 -> 47:03.500] Does Tiger have anything to do with my three core values?
[47:03.500 -> 47:05.960] he may do we may, but the point is,
[47:05.960 -> 47:10.640] my father-in-law does because I've never once seen him
[47:10.640 -> 47:12.080] raise his voice.
[47:12.080 -> 47:14.480] I've never once seen him where he hasn't had
[47:14.480 -> 47:16.840] the most warm, delightful smile
[47:16.840 -> 47:20.000] that makes everyone in the room feel better.
[47:20.000 -> 47:23.320] And I think, well, if you want to live by values, Rangan,
[47:24.200 -> 47:27.680] that guy, that should be your hero.
[47:27.680 -> 47:28.520] Do you know what I mean?
[47:28.520 -> 47:30.480] So I think these societal things about,
[47:30.480 -> 47:33.080] because people will, you know, let's take the podcast.
[47:33.080 -> 47:35.160] They'll look at the, you know,
[47:35.160 -> 47:37.520] Stephen Gerrard, Frank Lampard, you know,
[47:37.520 -> 47:40.500] all these incredible people who've done incredible things.
[47:40.500 -> 47:42.020] I'm not saying we shouldn't worship them.
[47:42.020 -> 47:44.640] I'm not saying you shouldn't look at their skills
[47:44.640 -> 47:46.840] and go, if you want to play football go and practice them
[47:47.240 -> 47:52.220] But I think there is a problem with the level of hero worship
[47:52.720 -> 47:57.240] It reminds me of that lovely story that Michael Johnson tells do remember the the athlete in
[47:57.880 -> 47:59.840] For the meter on a yeah, come on
[47:59.840 -> 48:02.360] And he wrote a book called a slaying slaying the dragon
[48:02.360 -> 48:06.960] I think it was and he he tells us a once he was having dinner with his with with somebody and Ac roedd yn ysgrifennu blynyddoedd yn ysgrifennu'r dragon, rwy'n credu. Ac mae'n dweud, wrth i mi, pan oedd yn cael bwyd gyda phobl,
[48:07.040 -> 48:09.160] a ddweodd rhywun i mi ddweud,
[48:09.240 -> 48:10.320] na, rwy'n cael bwyd.
[48:46.520 -> 48:51.840] Dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, dwi'n dweud, mae'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n dweud, maen nhw'n football was a big part of teenage years. I remember, you'd see all these footballers who you idolized, suddenly they'd be on the front page of a tabloid with whatever might
[48:51.840 -> 48:57.840] have been going on, and we loved to tear them down. I think now, as a father, as someone
[48:57.840 -> 49:08.500] who really tries to live with this value of compassion, I think, well, how many people, if they were earning tens of thousands of pounds a week
[49:08.500 -> 49:12.060] at the age of 18, staying at five-star hotels,
[49:12.060 -> 49:15.060] having, let's say you're a stereotypically a guy,
[49:15.060 -> 49:17.980] and there's lots of people throwing themselves at you
[49:17.980 -> 49:22.980] every weekend, how many people would also succumb
[49:23.140 -> 49:26.000] to some of the things that the footballers do?
[49:26.000 -> 49:31.420] Well, I think it's probably most people or many people, but we like to think we wouldn't.
[49:31.420 -> 49:34.900] We like to think, you know, people aren't putting a microscope on our lives.
[49:34.900 -> 49:39.080] And it sort of speaks to what I've said about seeking out friction before, about how can
[49:39.080 -> 49:43.720] you use a bit of social friction to learn something about yourself if you're struggling.
[49:43.720 -> 49:48.560] And I really would urge everyone listening to try this for seven days. Anytime you feel
[49:48.560 -> 49:53.880] you're judging someone or they're pissing you off in some way ask yourself
[49:53.880 -> 50:00.960] or say this to yourself if I were them I'd be doing exactly the same thing.
[50:00.960 -> 50:07.640] Can I jump in there because my wife loves your podcasts and she gave me a line from
[50:07.640 -> 50:11.360] one of your guests on it where I was complaining about something, this is a couple of years
[50:11.360 -> 50:16.600] ago and she said, if I was them I would have made exactly the same decision.
[50:16.600 -> 50:21.560] And it was life changing for us so I'm just jumping in to advocate, it's such a powerful
[50:21.560 -> 50:22.560] thing.
[50:22.560 -> 50:28.360] It's so powerful because what it means, right, if get it it's like if I was that person with their childhood, with
[50:28.360 -> 50:33.400] their parents, with their childhood experiences, with their work, with their
[50:33.400 -> 50:38.760] social media feeds, I would be making exactly the same decision I'd be acting
[50:38.760 -> 50:42.920] in exactly the same way and if you think you wouldn't I would politely suggest
[50:42.920 -> 50:45.760] that it's our ego talking, right? Because if they
[50:45.760 -> 50:50.660] could do it any other way, they would. Now, it doesn't mean that means we need to accept
[50:50.660 -> 50:57.100] behavior that's, you know, that we don't like. It's not about that. It's about understanding
[50:57.100 -> 51:03.960] that their view of the world, look, we both had John McAvoy, right? We've both had John
[51:03.960 -> 51:06.320] McAvoy on the show. I think I've had John about three times now.
[51:06.320 -> 51:09.560] I love John because there's very few people I find
[51:09.560 -> 51:13.080] talk with the authenticity that that guide us.
[51:13.080 -> 51:15.080] And I think that's because of where he's been
[51:15.080 -> 51:16.040] and what he's been through.
[51:16.040 -> 51:19.820] But when you hear John's story from childhood,
[51:21.120 -> 51:22.880] you totally get why he ended up in prison.
[51:22.880 -> 51:26.240] I'm convinced that if I grew up like John,
[51:26.240 -> 51:28.760] I'd have two life sentences and be in prison.
[51:28.760 -> 51:31.160] 15 years ago, you'd see someone like John McAvoy
[51:31.160 -> 51:33.820] and you'd say, lock him up, throw away the key.
[51:34.920 -> 51:38.520] And now he's probably one of the most incredible people
[51:38.520 -> 51:41.260] I know, I would happily leave him at home alone
[51:41.260 -> 51:42.640] with my kids looking after them.
[51:42.640 -> 51:49.660] Like genuinely, the guy's incredible. And it just goes to the power of judgments and like you know, do you know what I mean?
[51:49.660 -> 51:52.960] Well I assumed when we met him I thought well I'm not gonna like
[51:52.960 -> 51:58.220] this guy because he's just a criminal. Then we had Kyle Loco on a while ago and he was a
[51:58.220 -> 52:02.880] gang leader in Brixton and he's now doing amazing things as a businessman
[52:02.880 -> 52:05.760] and again if you just have an opinion of him you would say well why would you put Ac mae'n gwneud pethau anhygoel fel busneswyr. Ac eto, os oes gennych un o'i ddewis,
[52:05.920 -> 52:08.080] byddwch chi'n dweud, pam fyddwch chi'n rhoi'r ffynon ar y podcast
[52:08.240 -> 52:10.360] oherwydd roedd yn ymdrech ar y gwaith y gynig?
[52:10.520 -> 52:12.640] Ond mae hynny'n galluogi am ddim o'r ymdrech
[52:12.800 -> 52:15.640] neu'r deallta o'r stori a'r rhan oedd.
[52:15.800 -> 52:19.160] Ac rydyn ni'n siarad am rhoi pobl ar y pedestalau.
[52:19.320 -> 52:20.320] Rwy'n cyd-dod â hynny.
[52:20.480 -> 52:23.400] Rwy'n credu mai'n ddiddorol i ddysgu o bobl chwaraeon
[52:23.560 -> 52:26.000] am y meddwl, y ddewis, y cyd-dewis, oherwydd gallwn ffyrdd o ddweud hynny. Rwy'n credu bod yna ffyrdd o ddweud hynny. Rwy'n credu bod yna ffyrdd o ddweud hynny.
[52:26.000 -> 52:28.000] Rwy'n credu bod yna ffyrdd o ddweud hynny.
[52:28.000 -> 52:30.000] Rwy'n credu bod yna ffyrdd o ddweud hynny.
[52:30.000 -> 52:32.000] Rwy'n credu bod yna ffyrdd o ddweud hynny.
[52:32.000 -> 52:34.000] Rwy'n credu bod yna ffyrdd o ddweud hynny.
[52:34.000 -> 52:36.000] Rwy'n credu bod yna ffyrdd o ddweud hynny.
[52:36.000 -> 52:38.000] Rwy'n credu bod yna ffyrdd o ddweud hynny.
[52:38.000 -> 52:40.000] Rwy'n credu bod yna ffyrdd o ddweud hynny.
[52:40.000 -> 52:42.000] Rwy'n credu bod yna ffyrdd o ddweud hynny.
[52:42.000 -> 52:44.000] Rwy'n credu bod yna ffyrdd o ddweud hynny.
[52:44.000 -> 52:48.320] Rwy'n credu bod yna ffyrdd o ddweud hynny. Rwy'n credu bod yna ffyrdd o ddweud hynny. consider judgment about maybe this footballer is someone I would put on my idol list because I know them, I know I understand what they've been through and
[52:48.320 -> 52:54.440] an armed robber can be on the same list as a top-level athlete, they can be in
[52:54.440 -> 52:58.240] the same place. Yeah you're absolutely right Jake and I think you know you guys
[52:58.240 -> 53:02.480] know this because you also have a weekly podcast but when you dive deep with
[53:02.480 -> 53:06.360] people and you hear their story you have a deep level of empathy and compassion.
[53:06.960 -> 53:10.040] And you realize also happiness,
[53:10.480 -> 53:12.600] it really is how you approach the world.
[53:13.040 -> 53:16.880] The goal of all my work and whatever form it is,
[53:16.960 -> 53:21.160] is that I want people to feel as though they can be the architects of their own
[53:21.160 -> 53:22.080] health and happiness.
[53:22.120 -> 53:25.560] I don't want someone's happiness to be dependent
[53:25.560 -> 53:27.120] on the world around them.
[53:27.120 -> 53:29.560] That doesn't mean I don't think the world around them
[53:29.560 -> 53:31.560] has an influence, of course it does.
[53:31.560 -> 53:35.080] But you can shift your mindsets so that
[53:35.920 -> 53:38.400] you know in every situation you have a choice.
[53:38.400 -> 53:40.240] What's, you know, I know you also love
[53:40.240 -> 53:42.280] Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning.
[53:42.280 -> 53:47.260] And you know, between stimulus and response is a space.
[53:47.620 -> 53:50.480] And it's that space in that space is our power
[53:50.480 -> 53:51.480] to choose our response.
[53:51.480 -> 53:54.300] And with our response or with that choice
[53:54.300 -> 53:56.080] lies our growth and freedom.
[53:56.080 -> 53:57.580] That's it for me.
[53:57.580 -> 53:58.420] That is it.
[53:58.420 -> 54:00.980] When you understand as hard as it is,
[54:00.980 -> 54:06.240] you get to choose how you respond in every situation.
[54:06.240 -> 54:07.840] That's freedom.
[54:07.840 -> 54:08.680] That's freedom.
[54:08.680 -> 54:10.000] This will interest you guys.
[54:10.000 -> 54:14.700] There's a study done on a football match, right?
[54:14.700 -> 54:17.800] This I think really speaks to what is truth.
[54:17.800 -> 54:21.200] An incident happens and depending on who you were supporting
[54:21.200 -> 54:24.560] you saw that incident completely differently.
[54:24.560 -> 54:25.740] We all know that feeling.
[54:25.740 -> 54:27.500] It's like, you'll say that was a foul,
[54:27.500 -> 54:28.340] that was a yellow card,
[54:28.340 -> 54:30.080] the other said no, you didn't touch him.
[54:30.080 -> 54:34.920] Same incident, two people have got their idea of truth.
[54:34.920 -> 54:38.080] I think that applies to, let's say,
[54:38.080 -> 54:40.620] two partners having a row.
[54:40.620 -> 54:43.220] Let's say that the stereotypical marital row.
[54:43.220 -> 54:44.620] Well, you know what?
[54:44.620 -> 54:45.360] Both people, depending
[54:45.360 -> 54:50.280] on what side you sit on, have got a completely different view of the same situation. So what
[54:50.280 -> 54:57.160] does that teach us? It means that any given situation has multiple realities, has multiple
[54:57.160 -> 55:02.440] stories. So my philosophy in life is always choose the happiness story. If you want to
[55:02.440 -> 55:07.200] be happy, right? If you want to be happy, choose the happiness story. If you want to be happy, right? If you want to be happy, choose the happiness story.
[55:07.200 -> 55:10.640] You could see a situation and make yourself the victim.
[55:10.640 -> 55:13.360] You could say, oh man, it always happens to me.
[55:13.360 -> 55:14.880] You know, I can't believe it.
[55:14.880 -> 55:18.080] You know, hey, and I say that with compassion.
[55:18.080 -> 55:20.840] Or you can shift it and go, no, okay,
[55:20.840 -> 55:23.800] I'm going to choose a different story here, right?
[55:23.800 -> 55:25.080] The example I think I give in the book is,
[55:25.080 -> 55:27.480] let's say in March, April, 2020,
[55:27.480 -> 55:29.680] first lockdown in the UK comes in.
[55:31.600 -> 55:34.120] There's all these things about loo roll shortages
[55:34.120 -> 55:34.960] on the news.
[55:34.960 -> 55:36.600] People go, I can't believe people are doing this.
[55:36.600 -> 55:37.960] How mean, how is, right?
[55:38.920 -> 55:40.640] You can tell yourself that story.
[55:40.640 -> 55:43.080] You're, you know, you're completely welcome to,
[55:43.080 -> 55:43.920] but what happens then?
[55:43.920 -> 55:48.880] You create stress in your body. You create tension. tension oh man I can't believe people are like that or you can go
[55:48.880 -> 55:55.760] actually I'm going to choose a happiness story here okay maybe everyone who went to the shop
[55:55.760 -> 56:00.840] that day just bought one extra and actually at the end of the day the shelves were empty
[56:00.840 -> 56:08.040] or maybe that guy who came up with a trolley with 16 packs of toilet roll, maybe
[56:08.040 -> 56:12.320] they're a carer for their grandparents and their parents or maybe they work in a nursing
[56:12.320 -> 56:13.320] home.
[56:13.320 -> 56:18.320] Maybe they had to get loads or maybe, you know, someone is really, really poor.
[56:18.320 -> 56:19.320] They don't have much money.
[56:19.320 -> 56:21.600] I thought actually this is a great opportunity, right?
[56:21.600 -> 56:29.160] As much as we may think, oh, what a low life thing to do, right? Because people will will judge that but when you look at it from the other side you go actually do you know what?
[56:29.160 -> 56:32.560] What is the benefit to us? What's the benefit? Yeah, that's the point. It doesn't matter
[56:32.560 -> 56:35.920] What's true if you want to be happy choose the happiness story?
[56:36.480 -> 56:38.480] Love that it's almost being
[56:38.480 -> 56:42.120] They call it pro-naya as opposed to being paranoid being pro-naya
[56:42.120 -> 56:45.160] It is you see everyone is out to help you that idea
[56:45.160 -> 56:49.240] that yeah I didn't know that but I love it I love it. What can be bad in that if you just and
[56:49.240 -> 56:54.240] people go are you being unrealistic so what you can make you feel good it makes
[56:54.240 -> 56:58.360] you happy. Here's the thing about this stuff right and this is the whole point
[56:58.360 -> 57:02.520] of the book really is to show you happiness is a trainable skill right you
[57:02.520 -> 57:06.180] can get good at happy but when did we learn how to be
[57:06.180 -> 57:10.380] happy? Right? Did we get, did we get taught it at school? I certainly didn't. Did I get
[57:10.380 -> 57:16.220] taught it by my parents? Absolutely not. Did I get taught it by society? No, but actually
[57:16.220 -> 57:21.260] there are some simple things that you can do that don't cost money, that you can do
[57:21.260 -> 57:25.520] every day, right? And little by little you get better at it.
[57:25.520 -> 57:27.760] So, you know, writing a happiness story,
[57:27.760 -> 57:29.740] you might find it hard straight away,
[57:29.740 -> 57:33.320] practice it week on week, you'll find in two months
[57:33.320 -> 57:35.480] you are transformed as a person.
[57:35.480 -> 57:37.080] Society's busy telling us that it's written already,
[57:37.080 -> 57:39.800] oh, you're not the sort of person that's gonna be happy,
[57:39.800 -> 57:41.400] those things aren't gonna go your way.
[57:41.400 -> 57:42.840] That's the issue is that we're constantly,
[57:42.840 -> 57:47.000] I think, battling against all the things we've discussed in this podcast that makes people think happiness is out of my control ond mae'n dweud, mae'r pethau ddim yn mynd i'ch ffordd. Dyna'r broblem, yw ein bod ni'n ymdrech, rwy'n credu, yn barod o'r pethau rydyn ni wedi'u sgwrsio ar y podcast hon,
[57:47.000 -> 57:49.000] sy'n gwneud i bobl mewn meddwl bod y ddysgu arall yn fy nghyfro
[57:49.000 -> 57:52.000] ac felly maen nhw'n aros ar ddysgu, felly dyna ddim yn dod.
[57:52.000 -> 57:53.000] Ac mae'n anodd.
[57:53.000 -> 57:55.000] Roedd unrhyw gwrs a wnaethom ei wneud,
[57:55.000 -> 57:58.000] yr hyn rydych chi'n dweud, i bawb sy'n clywed,
[57:58.000 -> 58:01.000] a oedd yn cael ei gynhyrchu, pan ddysguon ni Robin Man Percy.
[58:01.000 -> 58:04.000] Ac fe ddewisodd sut roedd e'n ysgrifennu
[58:04.000 -> 58:26.400] beth oedd yn ei gynhyrchu, y llyfr Zander. Ie, rydw i wedi ei ddysgu yn e-book. a'r unig ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r ffyrdd o'r gofod. Ac rwy'n credu, gyda'r bobl hapus, y peth arall, a rwy'n credu ei fod yn bwysig iawn i ddeall,
[58:26.400 -> 58:28.080] oherwydd mae'n debyg
[58:28.080 -> 58:30.000] ychydig yn ddiddorol nawr i siarad am bobl hapus.
[58:30.000 -> 58:32.000] Mae'n dweud, dyna, dydyn ni ddim yn mynd i ddod o'r gofod.
[58:32.720 -> 58:33.680] Mae'n ymwneud â gwybodaeth,
[58:33.680 -> 58:34.880] mae'n ymwneud â'r rhan.
[58:34.880 -> 58:37.280] Ac rwy'n treulio ddau ddau oed
[58:37.280 -> 58:38.480] o'r hyn wrth ysgrifennu hwnnw.
[58:38.480 -> 58:39.760] Rwy'n meddwl, sut allaf fy mod i'w ddod o'r gofod?
[58:41.040 -> 58:42.480] Ac rwy'n credu un o'r broblemau gwych yw,
[58:43.040 -> 58:44.000] eto, yn mynd yn ôl i Jake,
[58:44.000 -> 58:44.720] yr hyn rydych chi'n ei ddweud
[58:44.720 -> 58:51.360] mewn gwirionedd ar y dechrau am y rhai sy'n ymwneud â'r cyfathrebuadau cymdeithasol. And I think one of the big problems is, again going back to Jake, what you're saying kind of at the start about these kind of societal conditioning, we get sold an image of what
[58:51.360 -> 58:54.760] happiness is, right?
[58:54.760 -> 58:59.560] We think happiness is having a smile on your face, being out on the beach with the waves
[58:59.560 -> 59:03.400] behind you, with your family in tow, right?
[59:03.400 -> 59:06.880] We're told that that's happiness. That's pleasurable,
[59:06.880 -> 59:12.160] but I don't think that's necessarily happiness. That can be part of a happy life. And I've
[59:12.160 -> 59:18.680] got this sort of new definition of happiness that I call core happiness. And I've designed
[59:18.680 -> 59:22.680] it so that people can think of it as something they can strengthen and work on over time.
[59:22.680 -> 59:26.780] So just as you, if you want bigger biceps, right go to the gym do bicep curls every day
[59:26.780 -> 59:30.780] Your biceps are gonna get bigger. Well, I contend that if you
[59:31.240 -> 59:33.960] Work on these three legs of the core happiness tool
[59:34.640 -> 59:40.060] Day after day week after week you are going to become happier. The three legs are alignment
[59:40.520 -> 59:44.360] Which is when the person who you want to be and the person you are
[59:44.800 -> 59:48.680] Being out there in the world are one in the same space when your values and actions match up
[59:48.680 -> 59:53.080] So that question you asked us earlier about exactly exactly. So that's alignment
[59:53.600 -> 59:55.600] the second leg is
[59:55.880 -> 01:00:00.600] Control. So this is not about controlling the world that is inherently uncontrollable
[01:00:01.200 -> 01:00:04.640] It's about giving yourself a sense of control
[01:00:04.920 -> 01:00:08.160] So what little things can you do each day that give you a sense of control?
[01:00:08.160 -> 01:00:10.160] Or your reaction to the world is a good one.
[01:00:10.160 -> 01:00:11.160] Absolutely.
[01:00:11.160 -> 01:00:15.440] And as you wrote in your book, you know, you quoted the same study that scientists have
[01:00:15.440 -> 01:00:20.600] shown that people who have a strong sense of control over their lives are happier, they
[01:00:20.600 -> 01:00:23.800] make more money, they have better relationships, they have longer relationships, they have
[01:00:23.800 -> 01:00:24.800] less stress.
[01:00:24.800 -> 01:00:30.320] So, even though the world is uncontrollable, what things can you do to give yourself a mae'n gwneud mwy o arian, mae gennyn nhw gysylltiadau gwell, mae gennyn nhw gysylltiadau llunio, mae gennyn nhw llai anodd. Felly, er bod y byd yn anodd, beth allwch chi ei wneud i roi teimlad o gynllun?
[01:00:30.320 -> 01:00:34.040] A oes yna ardal arall, Rongan, o ran bobl mewn ysbytai,
[01:00:34.040 -> 01:00:40.040] pan roeddent yn rhoi plant i'w edrych arno, oherwydd roedd gennyn nhw gynllun o flwyddyn,
[01:00:40.040 -> 01:00:46.080] a oedd gan eu cymorth ar y cymorth oherwydd nhw'n teimlo bod rhai rhwydwaith yno.
[01:00:46.080 -> 01:00:50.240] Ac rwy'n credu bod hynny'n un peth fel meddygwyr, fel ddoctoraid, rwy'n credu bod un peth rydyn ni ddim wedi bod yn dda iawn
[01:00:51.440 -> 01:00:57.280] yw ein bod ni'n labelio pobl ac rydyn ni'n eu cymryd eu hanfodol a'u gweithredaeth ar eu bywydau
[01:00:57.280 -> 01:01:02.640] allan nhw. Y peth rydw i wedi dysgu mewn meddygwyr yw bod pobl angen teimlo eu bod nhw'n cael rhai
[01:01:02.640 -> 01:01:08.000] gweithredaeth ar yr hyn rydyn ni'n ei wneud, er mwyn iddo gael diagnosus ddiddorol ac yw ar gyfer meddygwyr. People need to feel that they have some agency over what they're doing, even if they've got a bad diagnosis and they're on medications.
[01:01:08.000 -> 01:01:15.000] If I can say, yeah, if you can go for a 20-minute walk each day, that's going to help A, B and C.
[01:01:15.000 -> 01:01:20.000] If you can do some meditation, if I'm going to say that will help with your pain, for example.
[01:01:20.000 -> 01:01:26.460] You see that body language change. It's like, okay, great, I've got this thing But now these are the little things that I can do
[01:01:26.460 -> 01:01:32.120] It's so so important in many aspects of a life. We need to have a sense of control and that third leg is contentment
[01:01:32.540 -> 01:01:39.280] It's about feeling calm and at peace with your life and your decisions. And basically once you understand that core happiness tool
[01:01:40.460 -> 01:01:42.100] You can look at
[01:01:42.100 -> 01:01:46.700] Various things in your life and go how does that work on my core happiness tool?
[01:01:46.700 -> 01:01:48.380] Does that strengthen that leg
[01:01:48.380 -> 01:01:51.020] or does it kind of cut that leg in half?
[01:01:51.020 -> 01:01:53.920] I tell you when you're not being authentic to who you are,
[01:01:53.920 -> 01:01:56.740] you pretty much cut all three legs
[01:01:56.740 -> 01:01:58.300] of that stool straight away
[01:01:58.300 -> 01:02:00.820] because you're being someone who you're not.
[01:02:00.820 -> 01:02:02.820] You can't hide from yourself.
[01:02:02.820 -> 01:02:06.320] If you value integrity, integrity and being kind,
[01:02:06.320 -> 01:02:10.400] you know if you've acted in a way that's not that. You know, I think it's really,
[01:02:10.400 -> 01:02:16.560] really important. But it's not that hard. It really isn't. We talk about meaning and purpose
[01:02:16.560 -> 01:02:24.400] and where that fits in is, I think meaning and purpose is a necessary ingredient for happiness,
[01:02:24.400 -> 01:02:27.300] but it's not happiness in and of itself.
[01:02:27.300 -> 01:02:32.440] So meaning of purpose comes under the alignment leg. And why I'm so passionate about this,
[01:02:32.440 -> 01:02:34.440] have you heard of the Japanese concepts of ikigai?
[01:02:34.440 -> 01:02:35.440] Yes. Yeah. No.
[01:02:35.440 -> 01:02:40.800] Oh, Jay, you'd love it. You'd literally love it. This is this, this cultural concept in
[01:02:40.800 -> 01:02:45.120] Japan. So what we should be looking for is our ikigai and it's four things.
[01:02:45.120 -> 01:02:47.720] When you do something that you're good at,
[01:02:47.720 -> 01:02:50.600] when you do something that the world needs,
[01:02:50.600 -> 01:02:53.280] when you do something that you enjoy,
[01:02:53.280 -> 01:02:55.160] and you do something that makes you money.
[01:02:55.160 -> 01:02:56.680] And you have to have all those four things
[01:02:56.680 -> 01:02:57.800] at the same time.
[01:02:57.800 -> 01:02:59.720] That's the goal, right?
[01:02:59.720 -> 01:03:02.680] So, it's a Venn diagram, it's lovely.
[01:03:02.680 -> 01:03:06.560] And I would imagine, I can't speak for you guys, of course,
[01:03:06.560 -> 01:03:08.800] but I would imagine doing the podcast might.
[01:03:08.800 -> 01:03:11.020] Yeah, yeah, yeah, run me through the four again.
[01:03:11.020 -> 01:03:12.000] Something you're good at.
[01:03:12.000 -> 01:03:12.840] Yep.
[01:03:12.840 -> 01:03:15.280] Something that you enjoy doing.
[01:03:15.280 -> 01:03:17.440] Something that the world needs.
[01:03:17.440 -> 01:03:18.440] Yep.
[01:03:18.440 -> 01:03:21.080] And something that gives you money.
[01:03:21.080 -> 01:03:23.600] I think we hit three out of four on this podcast.
[01:03:23.600 -> 01:03:25.320] But I'll tell you why that's so important, right?
[01:03:25.320 -> 01:03:26.520] It's a Japanese concept.
[01:03:26.520 -> 01:03:28.160] And I remember I wrote about this
[01:03:28.160 -> 01:03:29.560] in my second book, The Stress Solution.
[01:03:29.560 -> 01:03:30.800] I was on stage in London
[01:03:32.040 -> 01:03:34.040] about a few days after the book came out
[01:03:35.000 -> 01:03:37.680] and I was taking Q&A at the end of the talk.
[01:03:37.680 -> 01:03:40.840] And I remember back right of the arena, the sun went up.
[01:03:41.720 -> 01:03:44.280] And this student in London said,
[01:03:44.280 -> 01:03:49.680] Hi Dr. Shastri, I'm an 18 year old Japanese student.
[01:03:49.680 -> 01:03:54.440] I grew up with this concept of ikigai and I actually found it off-putting.
[01:03:54.440 -> 01:03:56.240] I found it too much pressure.
[01:03:56.240 -> 01:04:01.120] I thought how am I ever going to achieve this mythical ikigai?
[01:04:01.120 -> 01:04:05.700] And that's, I really thought about that when trying to unpick meaning, purpose and happiness.
[01:04:05.700 -> 01:04:07.840] This is where I've got to.
[01:04:07.840 -> 01:04:09.320] It's about alignment, right?
[01:04:09.320 -> 01:04:15.160] If you figure out what your core values are and you live each day in accordance with those
[01:04:15.160 -> 01:04:19.240] values, you get meaning and purpose as a byproduct.
[01:04:19.240 -> 01:04:23.320] Right, so let's say someone's listening to this, they're working in a call center, right?
[01:04:23.320 -> 01:04:28.440] Let's say they don't enjoy the job, but one of their values is kindness.
[01:04:28.440 -> 01:04:33.920] If they, on the way to work and they stop off in the coffee shop and they're kind to
[01:04:33.920 -> 01:04:38.280] the barista, if when they get to work they're kind to their work colleagues, if on the way
[01:04:38.280 -> 01:04:42.200] back they're kind to the bus driver who takes them home, you know what?
[01:04:42.200 -> 01:04:45.240] Yeah, you may not enjoy your job. You may want to change that,
[01:04:45.240 -> 01:04:46.340] but you're living in alignment.
[01:04:46.340 -> 01:04:47.780] You are living with meaning
[01:04:47.780 -> 01:04:48.780] because you're living in a corner.
[01:04:48.780 -> 01:04:51.700] So I think that's how I've tried to crack it.
[01:04:51.700 -> 01:04:53.140] And it's still about looking for those things.
[01:04:53.140 -> 01:04:53.980] Yeah.
[01:04:53.980 -> 01:04:55.060] Rather than saying to ourselves,
[01:04:55.060 -> 01:04:57.740] well, I can't possibly be that because this is my job,
[01:04:57.740 -> 01:04:59.220] this is my life, this is where I live.
[01:04:59.220 -> 01:05:00.980] You know, whatever the issue is,
[01:05:00.980 -> 01:05:02.500] they're blockers rather than-
[01:05:02.500 -> 01:05:04.600] And you'll find it, you'll get the meaning and purpose.
[01:05:04.600 -> 01:05:06.180] It will come so and
[01:05:06.960 -> 01:05:09.380] Sadness, can you be sad and happy? Yeah, you can
[01:05:09.900 -> 01:05:17.220] Right, if you're if if you're feeling sad if you've if someone's died, right, you're not feeling good and you're feeling sad
[01:05:17.380 -> 01:05:23.100] What's toxic is when you try and pretend you're feeling goods. You're not aligned then you're kidding yourself inside
[01:05:23.100 -> 01:05:25.000] You're you're crying and on the outside you're trying to say oh, I'm fine. So I know well if you can get aligned Dwi'n credu bod hynny'n bwysig iawn, Ronan. Rwy'n credu... Oherwydd, eto, un o'r cyfrifoldebau
[01:05:25.000 -> 01:05:27.000] rydyn ni'n cael arna ni weithiau yw
[01:05:27.000 -> 01:05:29.000] rydym yn dysgu bywydau i ddarlithu'r sgrin ar y gwelwch
[01:05:29.000 -> 01:05:31.000] pan fydd pethau'n mynd'n iawn,
[01:05:31.000 -> 01:05:32.000] mae'r pethau'n digwydd,
[01:05:32.000 -> 01:05:33.000] ac rhaid i chi ddangos eu bod yn dda.
[01:05:33.000 -> 01:05:35.000] Ac mae'r math o'r bod yn toxic hapus
[01:05:35.000 -> 01:05:38.000] yn rhywbeth rydyn ni'n ei ddarlithu
[01:05:38.000 -> 01:05:39.000] yn y gwaith.
[01:05:39.000 -> 01:05:40.000] Ac rydyn ni'n gwybod,
[01:05:40.000 -> 01:05:42.000] mae'r fath o'r bod yn toxic
[01:05:42.000 -> 01:05:43.000] yn y gwaith.
[01:05:43.000 -> 01:05:44.000] Ac rydyn ni'n gwybod,
[01:05:44.000 -> 01:05:49.840] mae'r fath o'r bod yn toxic yn y gwaith. Ac rydyn ni'n gwybod, mae'r pwysau'n digwydd ac mae'n rhaid i chi ddweud ei fod yn dda. Ac mae'r math o ddwyieithog hapus yw rhywbeth rydych chi'n ei ddweud
[01:05:49.840 -> 01:05:54.320] yw pwysau. Gallwch fod yn sad ac yn dal yn ymdrech, dywethaf?
[01:05:54.320 -> 01:05:56.480] Yn unol. Ac rwy'n credu bod y siannedd yn
[01:05:57.680 -> 01:06:03.280] ymdrech mewn gwirioneddol. Ac nid yw'n rhywbeth sut y gall ein bywydau fod, neu'n debyg,
[01:06:04.000 -> 01:06:05.880] byddwn i'n cael amserau lle byddwn i'n teimlo'n siannedd. Dyna'n iawn. how good our lives might be or might appear to be, we're all gonna have times where we feel sad.
[01:06:05.880 -> 01:06:07.360] That's okay.
[01:06:07.360 -> 01:06:09.540] We're about to move on to our quickfire questions,
[01:06:09.540 -> 01:06:11.000] but there's one thing I really wanna make clear
[01:06:11.000 -> 01:06:12.000] for people listening to this,
[01:06:12.000 -> 01:06:13.080] if they've listened to this whole thing
[01:06:13.080 -> 01:06:14.040] and they think that sounds great,
[01:06:14.040 -> 01:06:15.960] but I'm kind of busy or I've got young kids
[01:06:15.960 -> 01:06:16.880] or I've started a new job,
[01:06:16.880 -> 01:06:19.800] so I'm just gonna delay my quest for happiness
[01:06:19.800 -> 01:06:21.200] for another year, another couple of years,
[01:06:21.200 -> 01:06:22.600] another five years.
[01:06:22.600 -> 01:06:27.120] Research shows happiness and health are linked absolutely clearly. ychydig o flwyddyn, ychydig o ddau flwyddyn, ychydig o fflwyddyn. Mae ymchwil yn dangos bod y bobl hapus a'r iechyd yn cysylltiedig,
[01:06:27.120 -> 01:06:28.320] yn unigol, yn llai.
[01:06:28.320 -> 01:06:32.320] Yn llai, mae pobl mwy hapus yn byw'n fwy, yn byw'n iechyd.
[01:06:32.320 -> 01:06:35.280] Ac maen nhw'n gwneud yr un peth ynglyn â'r bobl ddim yn hapus,
[01:06:35.280 -> 01:06:36.880] ond mae'r bobl hapus yn rywbeth sy'n eu gael eu gael i'w gael.
[01:06:36.880 -> 01:06:38.400] Rwy'n credu y mae angen i bobl gwybod hynny.
[01:06:38.400 -> 01:06:40.200] Ie, J, rydych chi wedi gwneud pwynt da iawn.
[01:06:40.200 -> 01:06:41.440] Ac roedd hynny wir,
[01:06:41.440 -> 01:06:43.840] pam fyddwn, fel ddoctrwg am 20 mlynedd,
[01:06:43.840 -> 01:06:45.240] pam fyddwn yn ysgrifennu llyfr am y bobl hapus? Pam fydd y doctor yn ysgrifennu llyfr am y bobl hapus? point and that really was, you know, why would I as a doctor for 20 years, why would I be writing a book on happiness?
[01:06:45.240 -> 01:06:48.280] Why is a doctor writing a book on happiness?
[01:06:48.280 -> 01:06:53.100] Well for years I've been saying that 80% of what we see as doctors is in some way related
[01:06:53.100 -> 01:06:54.440] to our collective modern lifestyles.
[01:06:54.440 -> 01:06:55.840] I'd absolutely stand by that.
[01:06:55.840 -> 01:06:59.680] And so I've always spoken to people about what I call these four pillars of health,
[01:06:59.680 -> 01:07:03.080] food, movement, sleep, and relaxation.
[01:07:03.080 -> 01:07:05.460] And when we make small changes
[01:07:05.460 -> 01:07:08.200] in each of those four areas,
[01:07:08.200 -> 01:07:10.240] you know, we have huge impacts on our health and wellbeing,
[01:07:10.240 -> 01:07:12.460] no matter what our starting point is.
[01:07:13.600 -> 01:07:15.700] But a few years ago, I started to wonder,
[01:07:15.700 -> 01:07:19.280] well, why is it that some people can make those changes?
[01:07:19.280 -> 01:07:21.960] Why do some people make those changes for a few weeks
[01:07:21.960 -> 01:07:24.380] and then they flip back?
[01:07:24.380 -> 01:07:26.420] You know, could there be something that's even more
[01:07:26.420 -> 01:07:31.320] important than these lifestyle changes?
[01:07:31.320 -> 01:07:34.000] And I think it is, it's happiness and it's wellbeing.
[01:07:34.000 -> 01:07:36.860] And, you know, I very much resonated with your book, guys,
[01:07:36.860 -> 01:07:37.700] when you started off, said,
[01:07:37.700 -> 01:07:40.760] we're going to talk about mindset first, right?
[01:07:40.760 -> 01:07:42.080] That's the first part of the book, right?
[01:07:42.080 -> 01:07:47.120] It's mindset, because mindset, you get that right everything else afterwards becomes
[01:07:47.620 -> 01:07:53.440] So much easier and the research shows this so clearly happiness and health are linked
[01:07:53.960 -> 01:08:01.040] Why is that a couple of quick reasons to explain to people number one when you feel happier and more content with who you are
[01:08:02.320 -> 01:08:06.720] You find it easier to make healthy lifestyle choices.
[01:08:06.720 -> 01:08:12.520] If you feel really content with your day and the state of your life, you are less likely
[01:08:12.520 -> 01:08:17.600] to dive into a tub of Ben and Jerry's that evening in front of television or drown your
[01:08:17.600 -> 01:08:20.600] stresses or sorrows in half a bottle of wine that evening.
[01:08:20.600 -> 01:08:27.160] You're less likely to feel the need for doing that because you're not trying to use it to medicate the way that you're feeling
[01:08:27.360 -> 01:08:32.560] Right, so that's one reason why but the other reason there was this really famous study called the nun study
[01:08:33.200 -> 01:08:36.480] And they looked at these nuns, you know, and they basically
[01:08:37.640 -> 01:08:39.360] When they match them
[01:08:39.360 -> 01:08:46.000] They had the same lifestyle behaviors same good diet same exercise routine same amount of sleep because rather than the same comfort one They exactly good diet, same exercise routine, same amount of sleep. Because we're all in the same comfort, weren't they?
[01:08:46.000 -> 01:08:48.800] Exactly, even when that was all matched,
[01:08:48.800 -> 01:08:52.600] the happier nuns lived significantly longer.
[01:08:52.600 -> 01:08:54.080] It was nearly seven years, wasn't it?
[01:08:54.080 -> 01:08:56.160] Exactly, so happiness and health are absolutely intertwined.
[01:08:56.160 -> 01:08:57.000] And for people who are saying,
[01:08:57.000 -> 01:08:58.320] oh, I'll do it next year,
[01:08:58.320 -> 01:08:59.920] I'm too busy at the moment.
[01:08:59.920 -> 01:09:01.360] My challenge would be,
[01:09:01.360 -> 01:09:04.400] I'm not asking you to overhaul your life.
[01:09:04.400 -> 01:09:06.280] I'm not asking you to leave your job. I'm not asking you to overhaul your life. I'm not asking you to leave your job.
[01:09:06.280 -> 01:09:08.800] I'm not asking you to create loads of free time
[01:09:08.800 -> 01:09:10.840] to engage in your passions.
[01:09:10.840 -> 01:09:13.800] I'm asking you, maybe take one small thing
[01:09:13.800 -> 01:09:16.440] that you've heard on the show today, anything.
[01:09:16.440 -> 01:09:19.280] Maybe it was, if you were them,
[01:09:19.280 -> 01:09:21.320] you'd be doing the same thing.
[01:09:21.320 -> 01:09:23.400] Maybe it's, you know,
[01:09:23.400 -> 01:09:26.080] you're gonna look for periods of social friction. Every
[01:09:26.080 -> 01:09:29.440] time you get triggered, you're just going to say, Oh, why did that trigger me? You can
[01:09:29.440 -> 01:09:34.480] do that alongside your life. And I promise you, it's like a ripple effect. You start
[01:09:34.480 -> 01:09:40.560] with one small thing, you do it consistently. Within weeks, you will feel like a different
[01:09:40.560 -> 01:09:47.220] person and it will radiate to everyone around you. So don't wait life is happening to you now start now
[01:09:47.500 -> 01:09:53.040] Brilliant, what a powerful episode. I'm happy mind. Happy life is the book that Rangan has written
[01:09:53.260 -> 01:09:56.900] Thank you so much for coming and sharing some amazing lessons from that book with us
[01:09:57.020 -> 01:09:59.880] Are you ready for your quickfire question? I am ready
[01:10:00.740 -> 01:10:02.740] Some of these you may well have shared with us already
[01:10:03.420 -> 01:10:10.520] three non-negotiable behaviors that you and the people around you must buy into again. This is where it gets different
[01:10:11.280 -> 01:10:17.360] Having this conversation 2022 as opposed to having in 2015. I would have answered that straight out seven years ago
[01:10:18.960 -> 01:10:21.200] But that bit must buy into
[01:10:23.000 -> 01:10:30.640] If I feel that someone around me must buy into something, I make myself a prisoner because
[01:10:30.640 -> 01:10:33.520] I'm dependent on them buying into something.
[01:10:33.520 -> 01:10:34.920] They have to behave in a certain way.
[01:10:34.920 -> 01:10:38.680] They have to get this part about me because if they don't, it's going to be problematic
[01:10:38.680 -> 01:10:40.360] for me.
[01:10:40.360 -> 01:10:45.880] So I no longer need anyone around me to buy into what I do
[01:10:47.840 -> 01:10:50.700] but in terms of the What I consider to be the intention behind that question
[01:10:51.240 -> 01:10:56.360] I'm interpreting that as are there three things that I try and do each day that maybe are
[01:10:56.720 -> 01:11:02.880] Really important for my health and happiness. Is that an accurate? Yeah, it's almost like stuff that you wouldn't compromise on yourself for me
[01:11:02.880 -> 01:11:04.880] I'd say it's my morning routine
[01:11:05.040 -> 01:11:05.920] and that actually has three components to it and Tell us that stuff that you wouldn't compromise on yourself. For me, I'd say it's my morning routine.
[01:11:08.760 -> 01:11:12.880] And that actually has three components to it. And why that's so important for me is
[01:11:12.880 -> 01:11:15.760] it gives me an opportunity to be with myself
[01:11:15.760 -> 01:11:19.000] and to gain perspective on my life.
[01:11:19.000 -> 01:11:20.760] In the new book, I call it, you know,
[01:11:20.760 -> 01:11:22.880] go on holiday every day, right?
[01:11:22.880 -> 01:11:24.720] And what I mean by that is
[01:11:24.720 -> 01:11:26.840] we all love to go on holiday, right?
[01:11:26.840 -> 01:11:28.940] So what is it that a holiday gives us?
[01:11:29.880 -> 01:11:32.280] Like we think it's the sun and the beach
[01:11:32.280 -> 01:11:33.760] and the drinks and the cocktails,
[01:11:33.760 -> 01:11:36.900] but you know, we enjoy those things.
[01:11:36.900 -> 01:11:40.080] But I think a big thing that holidays give us is perspective.
[01:11:40.080 -> 01:11:41.720] You know, even when you get on that plane
[01:11:41.720 -> 01:11:42.960] and you're just taking off,
[01:11:42.960 -> 01:11:45.040] you suddenly have literally and metaphorically that 30,000 foot view on your life. You know, you can see all the plane and you're just taking off, you suddenly have literally and metaphorically
[01:11:45.040 -> 01:11:46.920] that 30,000 foot view on your life.
[01:11:46.920 -> 01:11:49.240] You can see all the little things you're worrying about
[01:11:49.240 -> 01:11:50.560] and you just put it in,
[01:11:51.840 -> 01:11:54.080] you managed to put it in that it's proper context.
[01:11:54.080 -> 01:11:56.840] And what I want people to understand
[01:11:56.840 -> 01:11:59.400] is you don't have to wait for that one week a year
[01:11:59.400 -> 01:12:01.000] to get a holiday from your life.
[01:12:01.000 -> 01:12:02.640] You can take a holiday every single day.
[01:12:02.640 -> 01:12:03.760] It could be just 10 minutes,
[01:12:03.760 -> 01:12:09.280] 10 minutes where you tune out of your life, you step outside to gain perspective and reflect.
[01:12:09.280 -> 01:12:12.840] It could be a walk around the block, it could be picking up your guitar, it could be doing
[01:12:12.840 -> 01:12:17.560] a jigsaw, whatever, right? For me, it's my morning routine. So I get up. Now I'm not
[01:12:17.560 -> 01:12:22.280] saying people need to do this, but I get up between 4.30 and 5 every morning. And I do
[01:12:22.280 -> 01:12:25.260] that because I know I'm a better human being when I've
[01:12:25.260 -> 01:12:30.240] had time to myself and my kids have always got up early. So since I became a dad, I've
[01:12:30.240 -> 01:12:34.100] been moving my bed, my bedtime earlier and earlier and I get up earlier and earlier.
[01:12:34.100 -> 01:12:38.580] So I get up in the morning and I do roughly about half an hour now of a morning routine.
[01:12:38.580 -> 01:12:46.000] It's got three M's mindfulness, movement, mindset, mindfulness, what does that look like for me?
[01:12:46.000 -> 01:12:48.500] Either some meditation or some breath work.
[01:12:48.500 -> 01:12:51.500] I've got various things that I do, but I start off the day,
[01:12:51.500 -> 01:12:54.000] literally in my pyjamas, come downstairs,
[01:12:54.000 -> 01:12:56.000] do a bit of meditational breath work.
[01:12:56.000 -> 01:12:58.500] Then what do I do? I make myself coffee.
[01:12:58.500 -> 01:13:01.000] So I've got a routine. I make coffee,
[01:13:01.000 -> 01:13:03.500] I weigh out 15 grams, I'm pretty particular with it,
[01:13:03.500 -> 01:13:07.180] pour in the water, and then it brews for five minutes.
[01:13:07.180 -> 01:13:10.440] In those five minutes, I don't go on Instagram,
[01:13:10.440 -> 01:13:12.320] I don't go on my emails,
[01:13:12.320 -> 01:13:15.120] I do a five-minute workout in my kitchen.
[01:13:15.120 -> 01:13:17.800] Right, so I'm in my pajamas, I make it easy to do.
[01:13:17.800 -> 01:13:19.480] If you make things hard, you don't do them,
[01:13:19.480 -> 01:13:20.320] so I make it easy.
[01:13:20.320 -> 01:13:22.320] I've got a kettle by there, I've got a dumbbell,
[01:13:22.320 -> 01:13:23.440] I'll do a five-minute workout,
[01:13:23.440 -> 01:13:25.160] and then I get the beautiful reward of a hot cup of coffee that I've made, just by there. I've got a dumbbell. I'll do a five-minute workout and then I get the beautiful reward
[01:13:30.640 -> 01:13:30.960] The hot cup of coffee that I've made just the way I like it and then I'll do something for my mindset
[01:13:35.600 -> 01:13:37.720] So I've got you know, some books kicking around in my living room. I'll just pick one up I might read a few pages a few chapters
[01:13:38.440 -> 01:13:40.440] if my daughter
[01:13:40.840 -> 01:13:44.720] Gets up early and sometimes she knows that daddy's doing him and will come in
[01:13:44.720 -> 01:13:49.680] gets up early and sometimes she knows that daddy's doing him and will come in just when I'm on that final M instead of reading if my daughter's there, we'll do
[01:13:49.680 -> 01:13:54.680] affirmations together so we just sit there hold hands and we say I'm happy
[01:13:54.680 -> 01:13:59.640] I'm calm I'm stress-free I'm happy I'm calm I'm stress-free and we say these
[01:13:59.640 -> 01:14:02.880] affirmations for about a minute and then you know I feel like a million dollars
[01:14:02.880 -> 01:14:05.840] at the end she's got a big smile on her face.
[01:14:05.840 -> 01:14:08.760] And that's what I try and do every morning.
[01:14:08.760 -> 01:14:13.360] And on the days where I think I'm too busy, I think, you know, I can't do it today.
[01:14:13.360 -> 01:14:15.240] Got to get onto the emails, got to do this.
[01:14:15.240 -> 01:14:17.000] I always feel it later.
[01:14:17.000 -> 01:14:18.680] I'm not as productive.
[01:14:18.680 -> 01:14:19.960] I find my focus wandering.
[01:14:19.960 -> 01:14:21.840] I'm a bit more snappy.
[01:14:21.840 -> 01:14:27.280] So in terms of those three non-negotiables, I would say it's the 3ms idea every morning
[01:14:27.280 -> 01:14:30.360] I know I would just want to say people who think I doubt half an hour in the morning
[01:14:30.360 -> 01:14:33.080] I've been using these streams with patients for years
[01:14:33.080 -> 01:14:37.600] I want to remember the single mum who was really struggling with her skin
[01:14:37.600 -> 01:14:44.220] I really bad skin and I felt stress was really playing a big role and really driving a lot of her
[01:14:44.220 -> 01:14:45.120] I persuaded her to do a five-minute morning routine five minutes I felt stress was really playing a big role and really driving a lot of her I
[01:14:48.520 -> 01:14:53.480] Persuaded her to do with five-minute morning. We've seen five minutes She did one minute of what's called the three four five breath when you breathe in for three hold for four breathe out for five
[01:14:53.760 -> 01:14:59.980] She did two minutes of some of her favorite yoga moves and she did two minutes of affirmations, right?
[01:14:59.980 -> 01:15:06.440] So she did the three M's in five minutes within, her skin problems had gone down by about 50%.
[01:15:06.440 -> 01:15:07.720] Right, and I've seen this over and over again.
[01:15:07.720 -> 01:15:11.600] So what I'm saying is that even if you feel you're busy,
[01:15:11.600 -> 01:15:14.520] I think a little practice first thing in the morning,
[01:15:14.520 -> 01:15:15.760] even if it's just five minutes,
[01:15:15.760 -> 01:15:17.800] to ground you and center you,
[01:15:17.800 -> 01:15:20.040] will pay dividends for health, happiness,
[01:15:20.040 -> 01:15:21.600] and high performance.
[01:15:21.600 -> 01:15:23.000] Brilliant, love that.
[01:15:23.000 -> 01:15:26.480] If you could go back to one moment in your life, Rangan, when would it be and why?
[01:15:28.520 -> 01:15:29.960] I don't know why this is coming up at the moment,
[01:15:29.960 -> 01:15:34.800] but I'd go back to March, 2013, when my dad died.
[01:15:36.800 -> 01:15:41.800] And I was there with dad when he died.
[01:15:42.320 -> 01:15:45.200] I was with him holding his right hand.
[01:15:46.960 -> 01:15:55.440] My mum was holding his left hand. And I literally got to witness and feel over the course of 10
[01:15:55.440 -> 01:16:04.080] hours, someone breathing, someone with a life in them, little by little, until the life
[01:16:05.000 -> 01:16:09.900] was no longer there.
[01:16:14.900 -> 01:16:15.180] And, you know, I don't think I really understood
[01:16:17.320 -> 01:16:20.500] how powerful that was in that moment,
[01:16:23.420 -> 01:16:24.820] but it was incredible to actually experience what is it to be alive?
[01:16:24.820 -> 01:16:25.020] What does it feel like? There's still a body there in front of me, But it was incredible to actually experience what is it to be alive.
[01:16:25.020 -> 01:16:26.020] What does it feel like?
[01:16:26.020 -> 01:16:30.160] There's still a body there in front of me.
[01:16:30.160 -> 01:16:33.320] Remember that the hour after dad died, my brother wasn't there.
[01:16:33.320 -> 01:16:37.860] He came in a cab to the hospital and we were just sitting there, the three of us, dad's
[01:16:37.860 -> 01:16:40.840] lying on the bed, dad's dead.
[01:16:40.840 -> 01:16:43.800] But it was almost like an hour and a half of where it wasn't really happening.
[01:16:43.800 -> 01:16:46.160] We were all chatting as if dad was still alive.
[01:16:47.640 -> 01:16:49.080] And why did that moment come up just now?
[01:16:49.080 -> 01:16:53.120] I don't know, but in some ways, if I could go back there
[01:16:54.120 -> 01:16:57.080] and really try and experience that with more presence,
[01:16:58.320 -> 01:17:00.520] I think that's the moment I'd choose.
[01:17:00.520 -> 01:17:02.160] Yeah, thank you for sharing that.
[01:17:03.280 -> 01:17:11.000] Would there be one book or one podcast that you would recommend our listeners dive into that maybe was life-changing for you?
[01:17:11.000 -> 01:17:16.000] There's so many great books and podcasts out there. It's very hard to choose one.
[01:17:16.000 -> 01:17:26.040] But maybe because I'm feeling emotional at the moment, but the conversation I keep getting drawn to is Edith Eger, the 93
[01:17:26.040 -> 01:17:32.120] old lady who miraculously survived Auschwitz and now has the most kindness,
[01:17:32.120 -> 01:17:37.920] compassion and spirit of forgiveness that I've ever come across. She's got
[01:17:37.920 -> 01:17:43.400] some great books, The Gift, The Choice, which I'd highly recommend. I have a very,
[01:17:43.400 -> 01:17:45.000] very powerful conversation with her on my own show, we talked for about 90 a byddwn yn ei ddysgu'n fawr. Mae gen i sgwrs fawr iawn gyda ni
[01:17:45.000 -> 01:17:47.000] ar ein rhaglen fy hun,
[01:17:47.000 -> 01:17:48.000] a chadwon ni am 90 munud,
[01:17:48.000 -> 01:17:50.000] efallai un o'r sgwrs fwyaf o bywydau
[01:17:50.000 -> 01:17:51.000] rwy'n cael.
[01:17:51.000 -> 01:17:53.000] Rwy'n meddwl am y sgwrs bob dydd,
[01:17:53.000 -> 01:17:55.000] ond mae hi wedi bod ar,
[01:17:55.000 -> 01:17:59.000] rydych chi'n gallu gweld Edith Eger sôn,
[01:17:59.000 -> 01:18:02.000] dwi'n credu eich bod chi'n ddisgwyl.
[01:18:02.000 -> 01:18:04.000] Rwy'n credu, os gallaf ddod i mewn ar hwn,
[01:18:04.000 -> 01:18:05.600] rwy'n cofio clywed hwnnw,
[01:18:05.600 -> 01:18:26.000] ac rwy'n cofio hefyd fod yn ymwybodol o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o'ch hynny o to offer, you have got such wisdom. And you know, if people struggle with letting go
[01:18:26.000 -> 01:18:28.240] and forgiving people, I tell you,
[01:18:28.240 -> 01:18:32.000] if Edith Eger can forgive in Auschwitz
[01:18:32.000 -> 01:18:35.080] what happened to her, I think most of us
[01:18:35.080 -> 01:18:36.440] could probably forgive the things
[01:18:36.440 -> 01:18:38.360] that we struggle with in our lives.
[01:18:38.360 -> 01:18:41.560] And the final question, what's your one golden rule
[01:18:41.560 -> 01:18:43.920] to live a high-performance life?
[01:18:43.920 -> 01:18:46.560] Be curious, be the learner.
[01:18:46.560 -> 01:18:50.080] In every situation in life, it's not about being right or wrong.
[01:18:50.080 -> 01:18:55.580] Once you let go of that need to be right, you will find a sense of peace and freedom
[01:18:55.580 -> 01:18:57.440] on the other side.
[01:18:57.440 -> 01:19:00.120] Always ask yourself, what can I learn here?
[01:19:00.120 -> 01:19:05.840] I think for me, certainly something I try and do, it goes back to the idea of curiosity.
[01:19:05.840 -> 01:19:07.360] Be curious, be the learner.
[01:19:07.360 -> 01:19:08.960] What a brilliant conversation.
[01:19:08.960 -> 01:19:13.160] Thank you so much for your time.
[01:19:13.160 -> 01:19:16.800] Damien, Jake, what stood out for you there?
[01:19:16.800 -> 01:19:17.800] I loved it.
[01:19:17.800 -> 01:19:18.800] I love Rangan.
[01:19:18.800 -> 01:19:21.600] I love his podcast anyway, so I'm a listener.
[01:19:21.600 -> 01:19:25.000] But there was that bit that really resonated where we spoke about zooming forward into ond roedd y rhan hwnnw sy'n rhaid i mi ymdrechu o ran ymdrechu i'r dyfodol
[01:19:25.000 -> 01:19:29.000] a chyfathrebu'r syniad o'r ymdrech, y ffordd y byddwch chi eisiau bod.
[01:19:29.000 -> 01:19:33.000] Ac yna, yn ôl i'r moment a gofyn, yw'r hyn rydw i'n ei wneud ar hyn o bryd,
[01:19:33.000 -> 01:19:35.000] yn cyfrifio a'n mynd i mewn i'r dyfodol honno.
[01:19:35.000 -> 01:19:40.000] Rwy'n credu bod y gallu i'r amser a'r ffordd rydyn ni'n mynd i mewn,
[01:19:40.000 -> 01:19:43.000] ond yr hyn rydyn ni'n ei wneud ar y moment a'n gael ein gwaith
[01:19:43.000 -> 01:19:47.000] yn y moment rydyn ni'n ei wneud, yn eithaf pwerus.'n ffyrdd yn y moment y byddwn ni'n ymwneud â'r ffordd y byddwn ni'n ei wneud ar y moment a'n gweithio'n ffyrdd
[01:19:47.000 -> 01:19:52.000] yn y moment y byddwn ni'n ei wneud ar y moment a'r moment y byddwn ni'n ei wneud ar y moment a'r moment
[01:19:52.000 -> 01:19:55.000] y byddwn ni'n ei wneud ar y moment a'r moment
[01:19:55.000 -> 01:19:58.000] y byddwn ni'n ei wneud ar y moment a'r moment
[01:19:58.000 -> 01:20:01.000] y byddwn ni'n ei wneud ar the moment a'r moment
[01:20:01.000 -> 01:20:04.000] y byddwn ni'n ei wneud ar the moment a'r moment
[01:20:04.000 -> 01:20:08.160] y byddwn ni'n ei wneud ar the moment a'r moment you know, still working as a GP and doing other things. And he said that it's, you know, he thought long and hard about the decision, where is his time best spent? And he said that actually,
[01:20:08.160 -> 01:20:13.840] he thinks that in 2022, the most effective and most impactful doctor he can be is a doctor that
[01:20:13.840 -> 01:20:18.400] puts all of his time and energy into his Feel Better Live More podcast and into books like
[01:20:18.400 -> 01:20:22.240] the one that we were just discussing with him today. And I think that that is really bright
[01:20:22.240 -> 01:20:28.200] as well, because, you know, society makes us think, well, you're a doctor, so you're having an impact, or you do X job, so you're
[01:20:28.200 -> 01:20:31.920] having an impact. I think it's always worth us, you know, regularly saying, is there a
[01:20:31.920 -> 01:20:36.640] way that I could have more purpose? Is there a way I could have more impact? Is there a
[01:20:36.640 -> 01:20:43.200] way that I could be living even closer to my values? And I think that he's done that.
[01:20:43.200 -> 01:20:45.200] And I think that it's not a bad exercise for all of us
[01:20:45.200 -> 01:20:47.440] every now and then just to really ask ourselves
[01:20:47.440 -> 01:20:49.640] whether we're doing the right thing.
[01:20:49.640 -> 01:20:51.080] Yeah, definitely.
[01:20:51.080 -> 01:20:53.060] I was thinking, it sounds a bit silly,
[01:20:53.060 -> 01:20:54.280] but sometimes somebody will say to me,
[01:20:54.280 -> 01:20:56.920] oh, wouldn't it be a better golfer?
[01:20:56.920 -> 01:20:58.520] Or can you help me with my golf game?
[01:20:58.520 -> 01:20:59.980] And the first question I always say is,
[01:20:59.980 -> 01:21:02.200] well, how often do you practice?
[01:21:02.200 -> 01:21:03.760] And they go, oh, I don't really, I just play.
[01:21:03.760 -> 01:21:06.440] And I say, well, you're at the level you should be at then.
[01:21:06.440 -> 01:21:08.800] You're as bad as you should be.
[01:21:08.800 -> 01:21:11.120] Because you're not investing any time
[01:21:11.120 -> 01:21:13.160] in thinking about where you want to be as a golfer.
[01:21:13.160 -> 01:21:15.400] You're just talking about where you are at the moment
[01:21:15.400 -> 01:21:17.400] and hoping you get better.
[01:21:17.400 -> 01:21:19.120] And I think that idea of occasionally
[01:21:19.120 -> 01:21:21.840] just taking the time to think, well, where do I want to be?
[01:21:21.840 -> 01:21:24.120] What's the standard I want to operate at?
[01:21:24.120 -> 01:21:46.360] Whether that's in a golf game or whether it's in life in general. And then asking is what I'm doing today ac yn amlwg, rwy'n gobeithio, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, yn amlwg, in ymladd yw'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r fath o'r f and again and again. He spoke very movingly, didn't he, as well about his
[01:21:44.080 -> 01:21:48.280] family and his father. And I think, you know, this
[01:21:46.360 -> 01:21:49.440] conversation was a really good reminder
[01:21:48.280 -> 01:21:50.800] that we're not fixed, that we're
[01:21:49.440 -> 01:21:53.520] constantly learning, we're constantly
[01:21:50.800 -> 01:21:55.120] developing. And for that reason, we all
[01:21:53.520 -> 01:21:57.120] need to be a little bit kinder to
[01:21:55.120 -> 01:21:59.120] ourselves. It's so easy to look back and
[01:21:57.120 -> 01:22:00.880] think, why didn't I? I mean, I do it all
[01:21:59.120 -> 01:22:02.400] the time, right, Damian? I think, why, why
[01:22:00.880 -> 01:22:03.640] didn't I go to the gym when I was 18, when
[01:22:02.400 -> 01:22:05.520] it would have been an awful lot easier
[01:22:03.640 -> 01:22:07.480] to build loads of muscle? Why wasn't I one of the earlier doctors of Instagram where I could
[01:22:07.480 -> 01:22:11.840] have had a huge impact on people? Why didn't I understand the power of things 10 or 15
[01:22:11.840 -> 01:22:15.280] years ago? Then I have to remind myself, well, the only reason I understand them now is because
[01:22:15.280 -> 01:22:19.040] I've gone through this journey. And I think that conversation with Rangan is very similar
[01:22:19.040 -> 01:22:23.680] to that. It's like, we can't know everything today. We have to go on the journey, make
[01:22:23.680 -> 01:22:26.540] the mistakes, learn the lessons.
[01:22:26.540 -> 01:22:27.700] And only when you're looking back,
[01:22:27.700 -> 01:22:29.300] going, why didn't I do that?
[01:22:29.300 -> 01:22:30.260] That's when we should be happy,
[01:22:30.260 -> 01:22:31.660] because that shows that we've progressed
[01:22:31.660 -> 01:22:33.480] and we've improved and we've moved on.
[01:22:33.480 -> 01:22:34.320] Definitely.
[01:22:34.320 -> 01:22:36.860] And then we can use that with that line
[01:22:36.860 -> 01:22:37.780] that I said to Ronk,
[01:22:37.780 -> 01:22:40.100] and that my wife uses it on me,
[01:22:40.100 -> 01:22:41.820] but she got it from his podcast of,
[01:22:41.820 -> 01:22:44.360] if I was you, I would have made the same decision.
[01:22:44.360 -> 01:22:48.160] So at that moment in time, living the life you've lived with the experiences you've got,
[01:22:48.160 -> 01:22:52.000] that's why you came to that conclusion. You did it because you thought that was the best
[01:22:52.000 -> 01:22:57.000] decision at that moment. But like you say, when we open ourselves up to possibilities
[01:22:57.000 -> 01:23:02.080] rather than probabilities, we develop our thinking, we learn from our experiences, and
[01:23:02.080 -> 01:23:05.120] then we might make a different decision in a different moment.
[01:23:07.280 -> 01:23:09.360] Okay, time to meet another listener
[01:23:09.360 -> 01:23:10.640] who enjoys high performance
[01:23:10.640 -> 01:23:12.440] and who's been impacted in their own lives.
[01:23:12.440 -> 01:23:14.040] This is a message from Kate,
[01:23:14.040 -> 01:23:15.800] who says, I'm taking a big breath,
[01:23:15.800 -> 01:23:17.480] I'm putting my imposter syndrome aside
[01:23:17.480 -> 01:23:19.060] for a second to write this.
[01:23:19.060 -> 01:23:21.200] I've been a listener since the Chris Hoy episode,
[01:23:21.200 -> 01:23:24.000] but I've never thought of myself as high performance.
[01:23:24.000 -> 01:23:28.160] I work as cabin crew for a big corporate company where I'm very much a number and never really feel as
[01:23:28.160 -> 01:23:32.720] if I can make a difference. But last June, I founded Women of Watford FC, the Premier
[01:23:32.720 -> 01:23:38.200] League's first ever female supporters group, not just for the women's team, but a community
[01:23:38.200 -> 01:23:42.340] of female Watford fans and allies who want football to be a safe and enjoyable space
[01:23:42.340 -> 01:23:45.520] for women. We were born out of frustration around women's safety,
[01:23:45.520 -> 01:23:47.080] a topic really close to our heart
[01:23:47.080 -> 01:23:48.960] and I'm very vocal about.
[01:23:48.960 -> 01:23:51.760] Since the formation, we've been featured on Football Focus
[01:23:51.760 -> 01:23:53.360] and various other channels.
[01:23:53.360 -> 01:23:55.560] I don't often allow myself to feel proud.
[01:23:55.560 -> 01:23:57.560] I can usually find an excuse or a reason
[01:23:57.560 -> 01:23:58.720] as to why something good happening
[01:23:58.720 -> 01:23:59.920] wasn't anything to do with me,
[01:23:59.920 -> 01:24:02.800] but wow, I'm learning to lead into this pride.
[01:24:02.800 -> 01:24:04.840] Our inbox is full of so many people
[01:24:04.840 -> 01:24:05.360] thankful for
[01:24:05.360 -> 01:24:09.840] this group existing. And we're thankful that Kate joins us now. First of all, Kate, thank you very
[01:24:09.840 -> 01:24:14.080] much for joining us. So you had to take a big breath and put your imposter syndrome aside,
[01:24:14.080 -> 01:24:19.440] did you, to send that message? Katey Fletcher Yeah, I did a bit. I'm not used to having,
[01:24:19.440 -> 01:24:24.720] being the person who makes things happen. I'm very much sort of more of a follower,
[01:24:24.720 -> 01:24:27.240] or at least I have been in the past.
[01:24:27.240 -> 01:24:29.200] And so sort of accepting that this group
[01:24:29.200 -> 01:24:31.040] is something that I have done
[01:24:31.040 -> 01:24:33.960] and has been a little bit alien to me, I think.
[01:24:33.960 -> 01:24:36.280] So do you feel high performance then
[01:24:36.280 -> 01:24:37.920] having listened to the podcast
[01:24:37.920 -> 01:24:39.760] and listened to all the conversations
[01:24:39.760 -> 01:24:42.320] where it's not about being a high achiever,
[01:24:42.320 -> 01:24:43.600] it's about being a high performer
[01:24:43.600 -> 01:24:46.160] and there is a clear distinction between the two.
[01:24:46.160 -> 01:24:47.600] Yeah, I think so.
[01:24:47.600 -> 01:24:51.200] I think that's when I hear from the ladies,
[01:24:51.200 -> 01:24:54.640] the women of Watford who have joined the group
[01:24:54.640 -> 01:24:57.080] and sort of just realizing the impact
[01:24:57.080 -> 01:24:59.680] that this group has had on them.
[01:24:59.680 -> 01:25:02.000] And that wouldn't have happened
[01:25:02.000 -> 01:25:05.600] had this group not come aboutn credu, ie.
[01:25:05.600 -> 01:25:10.800] Felly rydyn ni'n siarad yn aml yn ymwneud â chael eich trwyddi, chael pobl sy'n eich gynnydd.
[01:25:10.800 -> 01:25:16.320] Felly a allech chi ddweud i ni ychydig am sut y mae'r wynion o Watford wedi gwneud hynny a sut rydych chi'n
[01:25:16.320 -> 01:25:17.600] cynyddu'r un ar un ar un?
[01:25:17.600 -> 01:25:21.920] Ie, rwy'n credu bod yna sgwrs ddiddorol iawn i'w gael ar gyfer gysylltiad ffeminin.
[01:25:23.920 -> 01:25:25.840] Ar gyfer mynnu, rwy'n gweld fy mod yn ymdrech i gael ychydig o'r wynion, maen nhw'n fy ymgyrchwyr. to be had around female friendship. And I, growing up, I actually always felt pitied
[01:25:25.840 -> 01:25:26.760] against other women.
[01:25:26.760 -> 01:25:27.760] They were my competitors.
[01:25:27.760 -> 01:25:29.560] I went to an all girls school,
[01:25:29.560 -> 01:25:32.160] which as much as it was supposed to be, you know,
[01:25:32.160 -> 01:25:33.440] encouraging and friendly,
[01:25:33.440 -> 01:25:36.000] actually it was very competitive.
[01:25:36.000 -> 01:25:38.440] And then growing up throughout the noughties,
[01:25:38.440 -> 01:25:41.120] reading magazines, it was, who wore it better?
[01:25:41.120 -> 01:25:44.520] This woman or this woman, or which beach body is worse?
[01:25:44.520 -> 01:25:46.760] And there was a really sort of,
[01:25:46.760 -> 01:25:48.920] it was not a nice time to be a woman.
[01:25:48.920 -> 01:25:52.440] And so having taken all that in, it's just there,
[01:25:52.440 -> 01:25:54.080] it's ingrained in your brain.
[01:25:54.080 -> 01:25:57.600] And so women became my competition
[01:25:57.600 -> 01:25:59.680] and that's like, that's not right.
[01:25:59.680 -> 01:26:01.360] And so it's actually only, yeah,
[01:26:01.360 -> 01:26:03.640] throughout sort of late 20s, I'm in my early 30s now
[01:26:03.640 -> 01:26:07.880] that I've really realized the power that there is to be had in female friendship.
[01:26:07.880 -> 01:26:10.280] And yeah, again, there's another interesting conversation
[01:26:10.280 -> 01:26:12.960] there about the patriarchy and how they,
[01:26:12.960 -> 01:26:17.120] the patriarchal society might like you to,
[01:26:17.120 -> 01:26:20.520] you being women, sorry, to sort of continue believing that.
[01:26:20.520 -> 01:26:21.780] And so, yeah, let's challenge that.
[01:26:21.780 -> 01:26:23.040] Let's find your tribe.
[01:26:23.040 -> 01:26:29.820] And so having found this amazing group of women where we can sit around a table in the pub and talk
[01:26:29.820 -> 01:26:34.240] about what for Deaf See, we can talk about football without feeling patronized or even
[01:26:34.240 -> 01:26:39.560] that we have to justify being there. I think it's just, it's, it's so empowering. I've
[01:26:39.560 -> 01:26:41.360] got goosebumps talking about that.
[01:26:41.360 -> 01:26:46.000] Jason Vale – I have too. I think it's amazing. So tell us how you founded
[01:26:46.000 -> 01:26:49.520] it and how you've started to nurture it. Cause you've been doing it now for nearly, for coming
[01:26:49.520 -> 01:26:54.720] up for a year. So tell us a little bit around, around that journey you've been on. Yeah.
[01:26:54.720 -> 01:27:00.720] So the conversation I think really started, um, well, just over a year ago where, um,
[01:27:00.720 -> 01:27:07.960] Watford we were sort of in the deep dark depths of lockdown and Watford, we were sort of in the deep, dark depths of lockdown, and Watford wanted to acknowledge International Women's Day,
[01:27:07.960 -> 01:27:11.600] but you can't really do a big thing when you're supposed to be two meters apart.
[01:27:11.600 -> 01:27:15.400] And so we were sort of just brought onto this online platform
[01:27:15.400 -> 01:27:19.920] before one of the games was shown to talk about female fan experiences.
[01:27:19.920 -> 01:27:24.640] And I sort of, I bang a women's safety drum quite often.
[01:27:24.640 -> 01:27:27.360] And so I just said, I don't go to away games by myself
[01:27:27.360 -> 01:27:30.720] and probably wouldn't without a male companion.
[01:27:30.720 -> 01:27:34.880] And that I think was quite shocking for certainly some men to hit
[01:27:34.880 -> 01:27:36.400] and some women as well.
[01:27:37.360 -> 01:27:39.840] So that's a sort of soda seed, I suppose.
[01:27:39.840 -> 01:27:41.280] And then we had a really horrible week
[01:27:41.280 -> 01:27:44.640] where the Sarah Everard tragedy happened
[01:27:44.640 -> 01:27:45.520] and it prompted this
[01:27:45.520 -> 01:27:51.600] conversation around women's safety. And I just thought I can't keep talking about this, you know,
[01:27:51.600 -> 01:27:58.640] I'm 30 years old and for 30 years of my life we've been talking about women's safety, but also that
[01:27:58.640 -> 01:28:03.360] this was happening before and why are we still talking about this? I need to do something. So
[01:28:03.920 -> 01:28:05.960] got back in touch with the club and they have been,
[01:28:05.960 -> 01:28:07.720] I have to absolutely shout them out here.
[01:28:07.720 -> 01:28:10.920] They have been so supportive and we had all these ideas
[01:28:10.920 -> 01:28:13.720] of things that we could do to make football safer for women,
[01:28:13.720 -> 01:28:15.320] but decided actually a starting point
[01:28:15.320 -> 01:28:18.760] would be this female supporters group.
[01:28:18.760 -> 01:28:21.480] And without really realizing it,
[01:28:21.480 -> 01:28:24.620] we're the first group of this kind in the Premier League,
[01:28:24.620 -> 01:28:29.120] which I think is absolutely bananas. Because to me, it just seems so obvious. Yes, it's going
[01:28:29.120 -> 01:28:35.200] to help with women's safety, but also again, it's this community of females talking about football
[01:28:35.200 -> 01:28:41.600] and going to games together, which is just a really lovely side effect. I love it. And what
[01:28:41.600 -> 01:28:45.900] can we do to have better conversations about women and for women
[01:28:45.900 -> 01:28:47.540] on the High Performance Podcast, do you think?
[01:28:47.540 -> 01:28:50.980] Yeah, allyship, it's so important.
[01:28:50.980 -> 01:28:54.020] And male allies, I actually found myself,
[01:28:54.020 -> 01:28:55.260] I was at a conference yesterday,
[01:28:55.260 -> 01:28:56.380] the Women in Football Conference,
[01:28:56.380 -> 01:28:59.300] and there was a breakout session on male allies.
[01:28:59.300 -> 01:29:00.600] And actually, really, that's a phrase
[01:29:00.600 -> 01:29:01.660] we shouldn't really be using.
[01:29:01.660 -> 01:29:04.260] It's just about being a good human.
[01:29:04.260 -> 01:29:06.400] If we're talking in very binary terms,
[01:29:06.400 -> 01:29:08.400] women are 50% of the population.
[01:29:08.400 -> 01:29:12.160] And so give them 50% of your airtime,
[01:29:12.160 -> 01:29:14.120] give them 50% of your life.
[01:29:14.120 -> 01:29:19.120] And not because women are someone's wife,
[01:29:19.800 -> 01:29:22.120] someone's daughter, someone says she is someone.
[01:29:22.120 -> 01:29:25.120] I think it was Ladbible that put out a really great graphic
[01:29:25.120 -> 01:29:32.720] a couple of weeks ago on their socials. She is someone and just like be a good human and respect.
[01:29:33.840 -> 01:29:41.760] And if you find yourself only listening to male podcasts, branch out a little bit. If you find
[01:29:41.760 -> 01:29:45.040] yourself only reading books written by men, have a
[01:29:45.040 -> 01:29:52.480] read of a Marianne Keys novel, you know, just expand your, yeah, educate yourself rather
[01:29:52.480 -> 01:29:54.840] than expecting women to educate you.
[01:29:54.840 -> 01:30:00.640] So you describe it in many ways there, Kate, around the importance of cognitive diversity,
[01:30:00.640 -> 01:30:04.880] giving yourself different perspectives. Tell us about the women of Watford then in terms
[01:30:04.880 -> 01:30:06.200] of, tell us a little bit
[01:30:06.200 -> 01:30:07.720] about the cognitive diversity,
[01:30:07.720 -> 01:30:11.520] about your tribe of these women that have come together
[01:30:11.520 -> 01:30:13.720] to find this friendship group.
[01:30:13.720 -> 01:30:14.880] I think one of the really nice things
[01:30:14.880 -> 01:30:17.240] about women in general is you can sit them around a table
[01:30:17.240 -> 01:30:20.240] having never met before, and they will just talk,
[01:30:21.120 -> 01:30:22.400] which is really, really nice.
[01:30:22.400 -> 01:30:26.040] And actually the different backgrounds from people.
[01:30:26.040 -> 01:30:28.600] So one of the really nice things is we have a lady
[01:30:28.600 -> 01:30:30.320] who comes to away games with us,
[01:30:30.320 -> 01:30:34.160] who is a single mom and brings her autistic son with her.
[01:30:34.160 -> 01:30:36.560] And that's a big, big, big thing anyway.
[01:30:36.560 -> 01:30:37.640] He's football mad,
[01:30:37.640 -> 01:30:39.920] but couldn't really go to games before.
[01:30:42.480 -> 01:30:43.720] Watford have a sensory room,
[01:30:43.720 -> 01:30:46.400] so he was going to games in the sensory rooms,
[01:30:46.400 -> 01:30:50.880] gradually coming out to the stadium, and so for him to have made a massive step now to be able to
[01:30:50.880 -> 01:30:57.520] come to away games is huge, and I think it's just since creating the group I've really, really
[01:30:57.520 -> 01:31:05.560] plugged how inclusive this group is. I say guys, gals and non-binary pals. It's not all just women.
[01:31:05.560 -> 01:31:08.520] Again, I'm going back to the phrase male allies,
[01:31:08.520 -> 01:31:11.280] but it's a group for men too.
[01:31:11.280 -> 01:31:15.680] And because one of our aims is encouraging
[01:31:15.680 -> 01:31:18.280] the future female fans of football.
[01:31:18.280 -> 01:31:20.200] And so actually, if you're a dad
[01:31:20.200 -> 01:31:22.780] and you wanna bring your girls to the game,
[01:31:22.780 -> 01:31:25.760] but your maybe lads, that's a quote there,
[01:31:25.760 -> 01:31:31.280] lads stay out, isn't appropriate for them. Come along with us because not only are you providing
[01:31:31.280 -> 01:31:37.600] you know that safe space for your girls to go to the football, but also you're showing your girls
[01:31:37.600 -> 01:31:43.120] that this is a place for them as well. And this isn't, you know, when you look around football
[01:31:43.120 -> 01:31:45.000] stadiums, predominantly it's men.
[01:31:45.000 -> 01:31:48.280] But actually, we're giving you a different narrative there.
[01:31:48.280 -> 01:31:51.280] Well, look, thank you so much for coming on, sharing your story.
[01:31:51.280 -> 01:32:00.520] And I'm so, so pleased that the High Performance podcast has played a small role in the incredible things that you've done.
[01:32:00.520 -> 01:32:07.800] You know, it's a lovely thought for us that, you know, people are seeing the world in a different way because of what we've discussed and what you've heard
[01:32:07.800 -> 01:32:10.800] and what you've then gone and acted on. So all credit and power to you for doing that.
[01:32:10.800 -> 01:32:14.520] Oh, no, thank you very much. And yeah, keep doing what you're doing. It's epic.
[01:32:14.520 -> 01:32:19.200] Oh, what a lovely conversation with a lady who's clearly making a big difference in the
[01:32:19.200 -> 01:32:20.200] world, Damien.
[01:32:20.200 -> 01:32:32.200] I love that. I think sometimes that I'm, I don't want to sound too patronising, but as a father of a daughter, as I know you are Jake, that I think sometimes it like, we think we're doing the right thing.
[01:32:32.200 -> 01:32:40.840] We think that we've been an ally. Whereas sometimes it just brings us up short to ask, can I be doing more? Can I be seeing the world from her perspective?
[01:32:40.840 -> 01:32:46.080] And I think that the answer to that is always yes. Felly, no, mae'n gwneud i mi ymdrech.
[01:32:46.080 -> 01:32:47.400] Mae'n ffantastig.
[01:32:47.400 -> 01:32:49.560] Sônwch, os ydych chi'n y tu hwm a'ch chi'n clywed hynny
[01:32:49.560 -> 01:32:51.880] a byddwch chi eisiau mwy o'r podcast High Performance,
[01:32:51.880 -> 01:32:55.760] yna, dweud hwnnw, gwylio'r podcast High Performance.com
[01:32:55.760 -> 01:32:57.480] ac yna gallwch chi ymuno â'r cyngor a'r cyngor.
[01:32:57.480 -> 01:32:58.840] Mae nifer o bethau a phaeau, mewn gwirionedd,
[01:32:58.840 -> 01:32:59.920] Damien, ar y cyngor a'r cyngor.
[01:32:59.920 -> 01:33:01.320] Yn ystod y wythnos, roeddwn i ar y train
[01:33:01.320 -> 01:33:02.880] a dweud yma, ac roeddwn i'n clywed
[01:33:02.880 -> 01:33:08.840] rhai o'r adroddiadau'r cyfnodau ac mae nifer o syniadau ffasifol i'r holl ffyrdd o waith gwahanol o fywyd week I was on the train and I just went on there and I listened to some of the keynote speeches and there's some fascinating insights into all sorts of
[01:33:08.840 -> 01:33:12.400] different walks of life and I think that that's a key element I guess of high
[01:33:12.400 -> 01:33:15.560] performance is what what we're not doing we're not saying to people listen to
[01:33:15.560 -> 01:33:18.480] this way of thinking this is how we believe you should think off you go
[01:33:18.480 -> 01:33:21.880] we're kind of saying we'll put these conversations out there we'll put these
[01:33:21.880 -> 01:33:26.220] different approaches out there and hopefully you will find something
[01:33:26.220 -> 01:33:27.400] that you like among them.
[01:33:27.400 -> 01:33:28.940] There might be things you disagree with as well,
[01:33:28.940 -> 01:33:30.820] but we're not telling you what to think.
[01:33:30.820 -> 01:33:33.680] That's a crucial story as part of this podcast, I think.
[01:33:33.680 -> 01:33:36.000] I mean, that's an old truism of coaching
[01:33:36.000 -> 01:33:37.580] that you don't tell somebody what to think,
[01:33:37.580 -> 01:33:39.620] you just teach them how to think.
[01:33:39.620 -> 01:33:41.660] And I think that's what the High Performance Circle does.
[01:33:41.660 -> 01:33:45.260] It offers you just a variety of different stories and different ways and methods. And, you know, that's great the High Performance Circle does. It offers you just a variety of different stories
[01:33:45.260 -> 01:33:46.720] and different ways and methods.
[01:33:46.720 -> 01:33:48.960] And you know, that's great if you do disagree
[01:33:48.960 -> 01:33:50.900] with some of it, because it's making you think.
[01:33:50.900 -> 01:33:53.940] It's causing a reaction in you that says,
[01:33:53.940 -> 01:33:54.780] I don't agree with that.
[01:33:54.780 -> 01:33:56.980] I think there's an alternative.
[01:33:56.980 -> 01:33:58.740] What we're trying to do is, I think there's no right
[01:33:58.740 -> 01:33:59.900] or wrong to any of this.
[01:33:59.900 -> 01:34:03.360] It's simply, does this help you or does it not?
[01:34:03.360 -> 01:34:04.940] And if it helps you, great, embrace it.
[01:34:04.940 -> 01:34:05.000] If it doesn't, move on from it. Find something else. yn y blynyddoedd. Yn y blynyddoedd, mae'r cyfle i chi ddod o'r iaith yn y cyfle i ddod o'r iaith yn y cyfle i ddod o'r iaith
[01:34:05.000 -> 01:34:06.000] yn y cyfle i ddod o'r iaith
[01:34:06.000 -> 01:34:07.000] yn y cyfle i ddod o'r iaith
[01:34:07.000 -> 01:34:08.000] yn y cyfle i ddod o'r iaith
[01:34:08.000 -> 01:34:09.000] yn y cyfle i ddod o'r iaith
[01:34:09.000 -> 01:34:10.000] yn y cyfle i ddod o'r iaith
[01:34:10.000 -> 01:34:11.000] yn y cyfle i ddod o'r iaith
[01:34:11.000 -> 01:34:12.000] yn y cyfle i ddod o'r iaith
[01:34:12.000 -> 01:34:13.000] yn y cyfle i ddod o'r iaith
[01:34:13.000 -> 01:34:14.000] yn y cyfle i ddod o'r iaith
[01:34:14.000 -> 01:34:15.000] yn y cyfle i ddod o'r iaith
[01:34:15.000 -> 01:34:16.000] yn y cyfle i ddod o'r iaith
[01:34:16.000 -> 01:34:17.000] yn y cyfle i ddod o'r iaith
[01:34:17.000 -> 01:34:18.000] yn y cyfle i ddod o'r iaith
[01:34:18.000 -> 01:34:19.000] yn y cyfle i ddod o'r iaith
[01:34:19.000 -> 01:34:20.000] yn y cyfle i ddod o'r iaith
[01:34:20.000 -> 01:34:21.000] in the circle.
[01:34:21.000 -> 01:34:22.000] in the circle.
[01:34:22.000 -> 01:34:23.000] In the circle.
[01:34:23.000 -> 01:34:24.000] In the circle.
[01:34:24.000 -> 01:34:25.040] In the circle. In the circle. In the circle. In the circle. In the circle. We'll send you an invite and you're in. Damien, thank you very much as
[01:34:25.040 -> 01:34:26.040] always.
[01:34:26.040 -> 01:34:27.040] Love it, Jake. Thanks for having me.
[01:34:27.040 -> 01:34:32.660] Thanks to Damien. Thanks to Arongen, of course. You can enjoy his new book right now. So check
[01:34:32.660 -> 01:34:37.560] it out. We'll put a link to the book in the description for this podcast. Thanks as well
[01:34:37.560 -> 01:34:41.840] to Finn Ryan from Rethink Audio, to Will, to Gemma, to Hannah, to Eve, the whole High
[01:34:41.840 -> 01:34:48.560] Performance team. But most of all, thanks to you. Remember, there is no secret, it is all there for you, so be your own biggest cheerleader
[01:34:48.560 -> None] and make world-class basics your calling card. We'll see you next time. you