E107 - Gabby Bernstein: Looking at your past to face your future with confidence

Gabby Bernstein is a bestselling author, motivational speaker, podcast host and self-proclaimed “spirit junkie”. She has penned over 9 books, including her newest release, ​​Happy Days: The Guided Path from Trauma to Profound Freedom and Inner Peace. Gaby turned to spirituality after “hitting rock bottom” and becoming sober. 

In this episode Gabby shares with us her process of overcoming trauma and how she has “chosen survival”. 

You can find Gabby’s new book here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Happy-Days-Guided-Profound-Freedom/dp/1401965490

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# Inside the Episode

## Gabby Bernstein on High Performance and Overcoming Trauma

* **Gabby Bernstein:** Best-selling author, motivational speaker, podcast host, and self-proclaimed “spirit junkie.” She has penned over 9 books, including her newest release, *Happy Days: The Guided Path from Trauma to Profound Freedom and Inner Peace*. Gabby turned to spirituality after “hitting rock bottom” and becoming sober.

* **High Performance:** The UK’s most popular podcast and platform among working professionals. It turns the lived experiences of the planet's highest performers into life lessons for listeners.

## Overcoming Trauma and Choosing Survival

* **Trauma:** Everyone has experienced some form of trauma, and it can manifest in various ways, including addictive behaviors, overachievement, and workaholism.

* **Small T Trauma:** Seemingly insignificant events that can have a lasting impact, such as being told you're stupid or experiencing neglect.

* **Big T Trauma:** Major life events that are more likely to cause PTSD, such as sexual abuse or violence.

* **The Path to High Performance:** Healing from trauma is the path to high performance because it allows individuals to access their inner courage, compassion, curiosity, calmness, and leadership qualities.

## Signs of Unresolved Trauma

* **Burnout:** Feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and unable to cope with daily life.

* **Overachievement:** Constantly striving for success to avoid feeling vulnerable or unworthy.

* **Workaholism:** Using work as a way to escape from personal problems or to feel a sense of accomplishment.

* **Addictive Behaviors:** Using substances or engaging in compulsive behaviors to numb emotional pain.

## Healing from Trauma

* **Therapy:** Working with a therapist can help individuals identify and process their traumas, develop coping mechanisms, and build resilience.

* **Self-Reflection:** Journaling, meditation, and other self-reflective practices can help individuals gain insight into their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

* **Self-Care:** Prioritizing self-care activities, such as exercise, healthy eating, and getting enough sleep, can help individuals manage stress and improve their overall well-being.

* **Connection:** Building strong relationships with supportive friends and family members can provide a sense of belonging and safety.

## The Benefits of Healing from Trauma

* **Improved Performance:** Healing from trauma can lead to improved performance in all areas of life, including work, relationships, and personal fulfillment.

* **Increased Resilience:** Individuals who have healed from trauma are better equipped to handle life's challenges and bounce back from setbacks.

* **Greater Inner Peace:** Healing from trauma can lead to a greater sense of inner peace, self-acceptance, and happiness.

* **A More Fulfilling Life:** By addressing and healing from trauma, individuals can live more fulfilling and authentic lives.

## Podcast Episode Summary: "Choosing Survival" with Gabby Bernstein

**Guest:** Gabby Bernstein, bestselling author, motivational speaker, podcast host, and self-proclaimed "spirit junkie."

**Episode Highlights:**

- Gabby shares her journey of overcoming trauma and "choosing survival."
- She emphasizes the importance of facing difficult moments as opportunities for up-leveling and growth.
- Gabby discusses the significance of her postpartum depression diagnosis in her healing journey.
- She highlights the role of psychiatric medication in supporting deeper inner work, challenging the stigma around mental illness and medication.
- Gabby emphasizes the need to address the root causes of suffering and trauma, rather than focusing solely on positive thinking.
- She explains the concept of "rage on the page" as a tool for processing and releasing repressed emotions.
- Gabby introduces the "four S's" (safe, seen, soothed, secure) as a framework for self-parenting and creating a secure internal environment.
- She discusses the importance of self-led leadership, radical honesty, and nonviolent communication in creating a supportive and productive work environment.

**Key Insights:**

- Trauma and difficult experiences can be opportunities for growth and up-leveling.
- Facing mental health challenges and seeking professional support is crucial for healing and well-being.
- Addressing the root causes of suffering and trauma is essential for lasting change.
- Self-parenting and creating a secure internal environment are fundamental for personal and professional success.
- Authentic and compassionate leadership fosters a supportive and productive work environment.

**Actionable Tips:**

- Practice "rage on the page" to process and release repressed emotions.
- Apply the "four S's" (safe, seen, soothed, secure) to nurture your inner child and create a secure internal environment.
- Embrace self-led leadership, radical honesty, and nonviolent communication to build strong and supportive relationships.

**Overall Message:**

Gabby Bernstein's message is one of hope, resilience, and empowerment. She encourages listeners to embrace their challenges, seek support when needed, and cultivate a deep sense of self-love and compassion. By choosing survival and doing the inner work, individuals can overcome trauma, heal their wounds, and create a life of purpose and fulfillment.

**Summary of the Podcast Episode Transcript**

In this podcast episode, Gabby Bernstein, a bestselling author and motivational speaker, shares her journey of overcoming trauma and choosing survival. She emphasizes the importance of self-care, setting boundaries, and fostering healthy relationships.

Gabby recounts how she restructured her team in 2020, letting go of those who no longer resonated with her energetic shift towards corporate responsibility and self-leadership. She highlights the need for leaders to show up for their teams, provide support, and maintain clear boundaries.

When asked about assessing the people around her, Gabby suggests looking at skill set evolution, as teams' needs change over time. In relationships, she emphasizes the importance of matching unhealed parts, which can lead to a sense of wholeness. When one person begins to heal, the relationship may experience a shift, signaling the need to move on.

Gabby's non-negotiables in life are sleep, good sleep, authentic truth, and living and leading from self-energy. She expresses her desire to go back in time to offer reassurance and support to her younger self.

Gabby recommends the book "The Mind-Body Prescription" by Dr. Sarno and advises teenagers to keep turning inward. Her golden rule for living a high-performance life is compassionate self-care.

The hosts discuss the importance of vulnerability and self-exploration, emphasizing that caring for oneself is not selfish but rather essential for the well-being of others. They also highlight the significance of empathy and open-mindedness in understanding different perspectives.

The episode concludes with the introduction of Gabby's new book, "Happy Days: The Guided Path from Trauma to Profound Freedom and Inner Peace." The hosts encourage listeners to sign up for the new "Monday Motivation Newsletter" and the free resource pack for teachers created in partnership with National Careers Week.

# The High Performance Podcast: Inspiring Excellence and Achieving Success

## Overview

The High Performance Podcast is a motivational and educational podcast hosted by Jake Humphrey and Damian Hughes. The show features interviews with high-profile guests from various fields, including sports, business, and entertainment, who share their insights and experiences on achieving success and overcoming challenges. The podcast aims to inspire and motivate listeners to reach their full potential and live a high-performance life.

## Key Themes and Insights

* **High performance is not about perfection, but about continuous improvement and learning from mistakes.**
* **It is important to have a clear vision and purpose in life, and to align your actions with your goals.**
* **Building strong relationships and surrounding yourself with positive and supportive people is essential for success.**
* **Resilience and the ability to overcome setbacks are crucial for achieving long-term success.**
* **Taking care of your mental and physical health is fundamental to maintaining a high-performance mindset.**

## Notable Guests and Episodes

* **Anthony Taylor:** A Premier League referee, Taylor discussed the challenges and rewards of officiating at the highest level of football, emphasizing the importance of staying calm under pressure and making quick decisions.

* **Lando Norris:** A McLaren Formula One driver, Norris shared his journey to becoming a professional racing driver, highlighting the sacrifices and determination required to succeed in a highly competitive sport.

* **Gabby Bernstein:** A bestselling author and motivational speaker, Bernstein discussed her personal journey of overcoming trauma and addiction, emphasizing the power of self-belief and the importance of choosing survival.

## Impact and Significance

The High Performance Podcast has gained a significant following among listeners seeking inspiration and guidance on achieving success in various aspects of life. The podcast's engaging format and thought-provoking conversations have resonated with audiences, leading to positive feedback and a growing community of supporters.

The podcast's impact extends beyond its individual episodes, as it has also fostered a sense of community among listeners who share a common desire for self-improvement and high performance. The podcast's social media channels and online forums provide a platform for listeners to connect with each other, share their experiences, and support one another on their journeys to success.

## Conclusion

The High Performance Podcast is a valuable resource for anyone seeking inspiration and guidance on achieving success and living a fulfilling life. The podcast's diverse range of guests and thought-provoking conversations offer valuable insights into the mindset, habits, and strategies of high performers across various fields. By listening to the podcast, individuals can gain a deeper understanding of what it takes to succeed, overcome challenges, and achieve their full potential.

[00:00.000 -> 00:07.280] Hi there you're listening to high performance the UK's most popular podcast and platform among working professionals
[00:07.280 -> 00:11.240] It's our gift to you for free every single week
[00:11.440 -> 00:16.280] This podcast turns the lived experiences of the planet's highest performers into your life lessons
[00:16.520 -> 00:22.340] So today allow the greatest leaders thinkers sports stars entertainers and entrepreneurs to be your teacher
[00:22.960 -> 00:25.900] Today, this is what's in store
[00:26.940 -> 00:33.480] The bottom line guys is everybody's traumatized and everybody's running from that trauma and often
[00:33.680 -> 00:38.800] When we are running towards high performance in a really aggressive way
[00:39.360 -> 00:44.080] It's no different than being an alcoholic running in a really aggressive way
[00:45.440 -> 00:47.120] You know, I see this a lot with like entrepreneurs,
[00:47.120 -> 00:49.920] like they're like so burnt out,
[00:49.920 -> 00:51.360] even people in the personal growth space,
[00:51.360 -> 00:52.520] like this was me for many years
[00:52.520 -> 00:54.400] and a lot of my friends right now,
[00:54.400 -> 00:58.640] so burnt out, so exhausted, so over, you know, overworked,
[00:58.640 -> 01:01.360] because they're just like overachieving
[01:02.600 -> 01:05.440] because they're running from something impermissible.
[01:06.400 -> 01:10.800] In my field, in the wellness space, there's a lot of stigma around psychiatric support.
[01:11.600 -> 01:17.920] And I think that that is very dangerous because it, in my case, took four months of my early
[01:17.920 -> 01:24.960] relationship with my child away from me. I had run my team for decades in a very codependent way.
[01:24.920 -> 01:25.920] I had run my team for deck for decades in a very codependent way
[01:29.680 -> 01:30.440] It was all about how I could serve them and not about how they could serve me
[01:32.000 -> 01:34.700] and Do you have to show up for your team? You have to be there to support them?
[01:34.700 -> 01:36.700] You know, they're having a crisis like show up
[01:36.920 -> 01:38.200] but I
[01:38.200 -> 01:50.040] Around that time made it very clear the energetic shift of I'm not gonna hold your hand through your own crisis I'm not gonna give you know give you every other day personal day I'm not
[01:50.040 -> 01:54.120] not even really that it was more just like I'm not gonna energetically be a
[01:54.120 -> 01:59.280] first responder to your crises you know we talk all the time on high performance
[01:59.280 -> 02:04.040] about suspending your opinion and coming with empathy I had a rather interesting
[02:04.040 -> 02:06.680] end to last week where I put something up on Twitter about
[02:06.680 -> 02:13.720] The fact that a few people have told me that a podcast about mindset and discipline and non-negotiable behaviors was a bit too niche
[02:14.120 -> 02:19.760] For people to get much from it and I should maybe do a podcast about football straight football opinions
[02:20.320 -> 02:26.680] And I've shared that on Twitter this week and people are so desperate to misunderstand what some people say and the point I was trying
[02:26.680 -> 02:27.980] to make was
[02:27.980 -> 02:29.280] People told me this was niche
[02:29.280 -> 02:34.640] I love the fact that it clearly isn't niche and you know, I showed a photo of the queue outside our show for the o2
[02:35.440 -> 02:41.540] Yet still people were determined to believe that what I was trying to say was that either I invented podcasts or that I did something
[02:41.540 -> 02:42.840] amazing by
[02:42.840 -> 02:46.660] Creating high performance against all the odds when it isn't really against all the odds at all
[02:46.660 -> 02:50.880] Because I had a head start. I had great contacts and links. I had an opportunity to
[02:51.680 -> 02:54.180] To ask some of my friends to come on the podcast
[02:54.180 -> 02:59.440] I had a platform already to share it from but it was amazing to me just how angry people got
[02:59.840 -> 03:05.600] When there was no intention for me to claim any credit for anything and it is sad that there is so much
[03:06.000 -> 03:08.000] Misunderstanding and so much anger
[03:08.240 -> 03:14.140] Out there and it's because everyone feels the need to have an opinion and you know research shows us that getting angry about someone else
[03:14.140 -> 03:20.400] So having a strong opinion about something is actually really bad for the person having the opinion and like that wasn't great for me
[03:20.400 -> 03:27.180] That was a day where and I hate these pylons that people seem to think are fantastic and they revel in them but they don't do anything for the person at
[03:27.180 -> 03:31.940] the bottom of the pile and as much as I hated that day I feel really sorry for
[03:31.940 -> 03:35.860] the people that wanted to ping me messages in their hundreds because
[03:35.860 -> 03:38.500] they'll move on like I'm no longer interesting to them because they're
[03:38.500 -> 03:42.540] getting angry about something else and it's just such a shame that people are
[03:42.540 -> 03:45.580] walking around filled with anger and they're just throwing it out there
[03:45.580 -> 03:50.980] At any possible target they can find and it comes back to the heart of what we talked about on the high-performance podcast
[03:51.100 -> 03:55.320] We need to live in a world where there is less opinion and more empathy
[03:55.320 -> 04:00.520] And actually that is what today is all about a really fascinating conversation with Gabby Bernstein
[04:00.720 -> 04:04.140] She's a lady who's been on a spiritual path for most of her life
[04:05.200 -> 04:08.880] Bernstein. She's a lady who's been on a spiritual path for most of her life and the conversation that we have today really comes from the fact that she has
[04:08.880 -> 04:13.500] been as low as you can get and again if you have an opinion about Gabby you can
[04:13.500 -> 04:17.820] say well why do I want to listen to a multi-time best-selling author? Well the
[04:17.820 -> 04:21.960] empathy should be that this person has been the lowest a person can be and has
[04:21.960 -> 04:27.080] managed to find a way back and there are surely lessons in that that you can learn from
[04:27.920 -> 04:29.920] She's full of love. She's full of inspiration
[04:30.260 -> 04:36.800] She is a New York Times best-selling author of eight books, but she has a real mission to kind of crack open your
[04:37.280 -> 04:43.960] spiritual relationship and I know that many people come to high performance because they want to hear us talk to footballers or rugby players or
[04:44.280 -> 04:47.720] Business leaders about their non-negotiables. There is definitely also
[04:47.720 -> 04:52.520] a space for a conversation like this with a person like Gabby. I really hope
[04:52.520 -> 04:57.240] that it enlightens you and gives you something and I think one of the key
[04:57.240 -> 05:00.640] things with the high performance podcast is that we're not telling you this is
[05:00.640 -> 05:04.040] what we think you need to think the same. We're just speaking to an incredible
[05:04.040 -> 05:06.760] diverse range of different people and we're saying that you
[05:07.040 -> 05:12.140] Need to take what you want from these conversations take the learning that you think is there for you
[05:12.140 -> 05:16.760] And I really hope you do that today. So Gabby Bernstein on the high-performance podcast
[05:17.480 -> 05:19.200] Comes next on our podcast
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[07:00.000 -> 07:05.000] We're really looking forward to this episode because we get a lot of messages from a lot
[07:05.000 -> 07:10.400] of people saying I'd love to understand what Gabby Bernstein makes of a high performance
[07:10.400 -> 07:11.400] mindset.
[07:11.400 -> 07:14.880] In fact, we had a message the other day saying I'd love to just know what Gabby thinks a
[07:14.880 -> 07:19.200] high performance mindset is and I'm hoping we're about to find out because it's an absolute
[07:19.200 -> 07:23.840] pleasure to welcome a New York Times bestseller, a motivational speaker.
[07:23.840 -> 07:28.200] I'm sure you may have seen the videos online of Gabby and the amazing messages that she shares
[07:28.440 -> 07:33.500] She's written more books than you can shake a stick at and her newest book is well worth reading
[07:33.500 -> 07:38.920] It's called happy days the guided path from trauma to profound freedom and inner peace
[07:38.920 -> 07:45.580] And I just feel if there's if there's two things that perhaps sum up high performance freedom and inner peace are those things
[07:45.720 -> 07:49.040] It's a pleasure to welcome you Gabby to high performance. Thanks for joining us
[07:49.040 -> 07:54.160] Oh, it's so good to be with you. And I love that you have this random part of your audience. It's asking for me
[07:55.360 -> 07:57.360] Well, you better deliver now I better
[07:57.880 -> 08:03.920] And currently at the moment we are also accompanied by Jimmy blue my kitten who's probably gonna get kicked out in 10 seconds
[08:04.200 -> 08:05.440] Once she starts purring she's gonna get kicked out in 10 seconds once she starts purring
[08:05.440 -> 08:06.680] She's gonna get kicked out
[08:06.680 -> 08:07.480] All right
[08:07.480 -> 08:11.740] Well, we'll we'll deal with the cat when we need to but first of all, let's deal with the opening question
[08:11.740 -> 08:18.880] Which all of our guests answer on this podcast copy, which is only to you. What does high performance represent?
[08:19.000 -> 08:27.220] The answer is very different today than it would have been even five years ago really. Today high
[08:27.220 -> 08:45.160] performance to me means being directly connected to an internal landscape of courage, compassion, curiosity Calmness and
[08:47.640 -> 08:48.720] leading and living and performing
[08:51.880 -> 08:56.880] When in whatever way you perform from that energy? I think that's a really nice answer and I can imagine lots of people listen to this thinking sounds great
[08:57.400 -> 08:59.400] How do I get there? So would you mind sharing?
[09:00.040 -> 09:05.060] How you got there because as you said at the beginning it would have been a very different answer a long time ago
[09:05.120 -> 09:09.240] Yeah, well in this book happy days. I really share that journey of
[09:10.000 -> 09:15.920] Undoing the patterns from my past so that I can genuinely live with freedom and inner peace in this present moment
[09:16.360 -> 09:19.280] And I guarantee you guys there's no way in hell that I would have put
[09:19.560 -> 09:25.600] The guided path from trauma to profound freedom and inner peace with my face on the cover
[09:25.600 -> 09:29.440] if I wasn't genuinely living that.
[09:29.440 -> 09:33.600] And as a result of genuinely living that, I am living in my highest performance, my
[09:33.600 -> 09:36.040] highest and best.
[09:36.040 -> 09:41.440] What I have had to undergo to get there is really peeling back of all the layers of the
[09:41.440 -> 09:45.360] belief systems, blocks, and energetic disturbances
[09:45.360 -> 09:52.260] that held me back from really claiming that peace and that compassion and that care and
[09:52.260 -> 09:54.960] that kindness and calmness towards myself.
[09:54.960 -> 10:09.960] The journey I underwent to get here is a brave journey of fearlessly going deep into the experiences from my childhood that created the reactive
[10:09.960 -> 10:18.480] behaviors, the addictive behaviors and patterns and parts of me that were quite destructive.
[10:18.480 -> 10:21.040] And even beneficial at times, right?
[10:21.040 -> 10:27.800] And writing nine books in 11 years, like some of these work with my workaholic part had a good purpose for a while,
[10:27.800 -> 10:30.160] but she was so extreme.
[10:30.160 -> 10:33.240] And now that she's no longer extreme,
[10:33.240 -> 10:35.540] she has an even greater purpose.
[10:35.540 -> 10:36.960] Cause she can sit here with you guys
[10:36.960 -> 10:38.300] and do six podcasts today,
[10:38.300 -> 10:40.240] but really take care of herself
[10:40.240 -> 10:43.680] and take care of her time and drink a lot of water
[10:43.680 -> 10:46.620] and, you know, invite her kitten in when she wants to
[10:47.120 -> 10:50.080] So the the undoing of those historical
[10:50.680 -> 10:56.160] Traumas whether they be big T traumas or small T traumas is what is absolutely necessary
[10:56.160 -> 10:59.000] I know I'm talking to Brits and you just sort of like nope don't go there
[10:59.080 -> 11:04.160] But and maybe you guys will but some Brits might not well Gabby. Can we go there?
[11:04.180 -> 11:08.080] And maybe you guys will but some friends might not well Gabby. Can we go there? Let's go there for people listening to this like when you talk about trauma
[11:08.560 -> 11:15.580] Would you give us some examples of some of the traumas the big T and the little T's that you did experience that can help?
[11:15.580 -> 11:20.280] people identify their own equivalents, yeah, and it's interesting because
[11:21.160 -> 11:27.160] That well to talk about trauma big T or small T, which I'll explain in a moment, is the
[11:27.160 -> 11:35.400] path to high performance. Because if you don't clean up the historical disturbances and belief
[11:35.400 -> 11:46.840] systems and fears, then you're just going to be chasing something to avoid them, which means you'll never truly know what that freedom can be
[11:46.840 -> 11:52.860] like and how to achieve through doing less and attracting more, how to achieve through
[11:52.860 -> 12:01.260] having a lot more fun, how to achieve through a power way beyond the pretense of power that
[12:01.260 -> 12:13.000] we can put out into the world. So big T trauma is sexual abuse, it's sexual violence, it's any kind of any form of violence,
[12:13.000 -> 12:20.800] living with an alcoholic parent, a catastrophic event that occurred, repeated neglect, big
[12:20.800 -> 12:26.080] things that occur in our life that really shake our nervous system.
[12:26.080 -> 12:29.800] Small T trauma, an example I've been using on a lot of these podcasts lately is just
[12:29.800 -> 12:34.280] when I was in sixth grade, I had a crush on a boy and he told me I was stupid.
[12:34.280 -> 12:38.920] And that traumatic event, while it seems so insignificant, like, oh, that just happened
[12:38.920 -> 12:48.060] when I was in sixth grade, whatever, really dictated my entire education from that point forward.
[12:48.060 -> 12:49.720] I was really more leaning towards the arts.
[12:49.720 -> 12:51.880] I wasn't seeing myself as an academic.
[12:51.880 -> 12:54.160] I just never really...
[12:54.160 -> 12:58.120] It almost stopped me from writing my first book.
[12:58.120 -> 13:05.220] And only now in my 40s, I just recently did a training in internal family systems therapy and got my CE credits and I'm like
[13:05.940 -> 13:09.680] Now I'm like the the student part is finally here
[13:10.680 -> 13:14.060] The part that wants to go and learn and just nerd out
[13:14.540 -> 13:17.340] And it took a lot of that for me to write this book happy days
[13:17.340 -> 13:19.340] I put a lot of research into this book
[13:19.560 -> 13:25.740] But but that only is now that I'm starting to develop that part of myself because of this small T trauma
[13:25.740 -> 13:27.160] from my past.
[13:27.160 -> 13:29.380] So I'd love, that's a great example for your listeners
[13:29.380 -> 13:31.440] without having to go too far into the scary stuff.
[13:31.440 -> 13:34.880] Although the more traumatized you are,
[13:34.880 -> 13:36.420] the more it may affect you somatically,
[13:36.420 -> 13:39.080] the more it will affect you in every area.
[13:39.080 -> 13:42.040] But the bottom line guys is everybody's traumatized
[13:42.040 -> 13:44.600] and everybody's running from that trauma.
[13:44.600 -> 13:47.700] And often when we are running towards high performance
[13:49.000 -> 13:51.000] in a really aggressive way
[13:51.280 -> 13:53.200] It's no different than
[13:53.200 -> 13:55.980] Being an alcoholic running in a really aggressive way
[13:55.980 -> 14:03.420] Can I ask you then around that term trauma because the big T trauma stuff the sexual abuse and some of that is
[14:03.520 -> 14:10.800] Horrific and I don't certainly don't mean to demean that y pethau o trauma y tea, y rhaglen sexual ac rhai o hynny yw hirioedig ac rwy'n ddim yn ymddangos i'w ddweud. Y trauma y tea fwyaf y dywedoddwch am, dweud,
[14:10.800 -> 14:17.520] cael ei ddewis yn y 6ed neu cael ei ddysgu gan ddarlithwyr ddiddorol, byddwn yn ddiddorol i'w
[14:17.520 -> 14:22.800] ymddangos, Gabby, oherwydd dros y gwrs o'n seriw podcast, mae llawer o'n gwestiynau
[14:22.800 -> 14:25.200] rydyn ni wedi'u cael wedi siarad gyda ni am ddynion fel hyn sydd wedi'u ffynnu nhw, Of our podcast series a lot of our guests that we've had have spoken to us about
[14:30.340 -> 14:30.480] Incidents like that that have shaped them, but I'm not sure that they would have framed it as as a trauma
[14:34.640 -> 14:35.560] They would have maybe said it was a bruising experience or it was a learning opportunity
[14:39.400 -> 14:39.920] so can you just sort of explain why we need to
[14:46.640 -> 14:47.840] Reference this as a trauma to help people move on and develop from it. The word trauma comes with a lot of shame
[14:53.520 -> 14:53.640] So I think a lot of my intention for speaking about it putting on the cover of the book being so forthcoming with my own
[14:55.480 -> 14:57.640] PTSD recovery is To just take away the stigma around trauma
[14:58.000 -> 15:03.800] So the reason that you're the folks that you've interviewed wouldn't have called it a trauma is because you know
[15:03.800 -> 15:07.600] I don't have trauma trauma is you know something that's so so, you know that wouldn't have called it a trauma is because, you know, I don't have trauma. Trauma is, you know, something that's so, so, you know,
[15:07.600 -> 15:10.840] that person that was abused or whatever it is.
[15:10.840 -> 15:12.880] And then there's the other side of that
[15:12.880 -> 15:15.080] with those of us who have had childhood abuse
[15:15.080 -> 15:16.600] or things like that.
[15:16.600 -> 15:19.020] There's the victim mentality, you know?
[15:19.020 -> 15:22.740] And so when we can just see and accept
[15:22.740 -> 15:26.840] that all humans have experienced a form of trauma in some way,
[15:26.840 -> 15:30.980] it normalizes it and it gives it some freedom
[15:30.980 -> 15:32.400] to start to be explored.
[15:33.720 -> 15:38.280] So I think that to take those moments in your life
[15:38.280 -> 15:39.960] that still haunt you,
[15:41.560 -> 15:43.960] consciously or unconsciously,
[15:43.960 -> 15:45.340] and to take them seriously
[15:45.340 -> 15:47.400] and to bring them to a therapy practice
[15:47.400 -> 15:49.560] or to bring them to a book like Happy Days
[15:50.480 -> 15:54.260] is really valuable because they're running the show.
[15:54.260 -> 15:57.320] When we have those small T traumas,
[15:57.320 -> 15:59.560] we shut them down, we put them away.
[15:59.560 -> 16:02.600] We say, no, thank you, not gonna go there ever again.
[16:02.600 -> 16:07.360] And then we build up what in IFS is called protectors.
[16:07.360 -> 16:09.080] And these are all the parts of ourselves
[16:09.080 -> 16:11.680] that we sometimes praise,
[16:11.680 -> 16:13.880] sometimes we know they're real bad,
[16:13.880 -> 16:17.480] like alcoholic or the cocaine addict in my case.
[16:17.480 -> 16:18.700] But sometimes we praise them
[16:18.700 -> 16:20.520] because they're so high achieving
[16:20.520 -> 16:22.340] and they're workaholics,
[16:22.340 -> 16:24.700] but they're like getting so much done
[16:24.700 -> 16:26.680] and their podcast is doing so well and whatever the workaholics, but they're like getting so much done and their podcast is doing so well
[16:26.680 -> 16:33.600] and whatever the story may be or they're so brilliant at their sport, but it's still a form
[16:33.600 -> 16:41.920] of protecting against that impermissible feeling from that original wounded traumatic child part.
[16:41.920 -> 16:46.560] Could be the girl that got told she was stupid by the guy she liked in sixth grade,
[16:46.560 -> 16:48.720] or it could be the child that was sexually abused.
[16:48.720 -> 16:51.440] Yes, they're gonna have different imprints on the system,
[16:51.440 -> 16:53.760] and some might be a lot harder to undo,
[16:53.760 -> 16:56.520] but the protectors that we build up around it
[16:56.520 -> 16:58.220] are all the same.
[16:58.220 -> 16:59.920] And I see this a lot with like entrepreneurs,
[16:59.920 -> 17:02.700] like they're like so burnt out,
[17:02.700 -> 17:04.160] even people in the personal growth space,
[17:04.160 -> 17:06.500] like this was me for many years, and a lot of my friends right now
[17:07.000 -> 17:12.200] So burnt out so exhausted so over, you know overworked because they're just like
[17:13.360 -> 17:15.260] overachieving
[17:15.260 -> 17:17.800] Because they're running from something impermissible
[17:18.720 -> 17:30.320] See, I found that really interesting because when I was reading your book that I thought was excellent yn ddiddorol iawn, oherwydd wrth fy mod i'n ddysgu eich llyfr, a dweud oedd yn dda, rwy'n debyg i mi ddod at y ddiddorol addysgion fel y cocaine ac y
[17:30.320 -> 17:35.520] ddiddorol alcohol a phethau fel hynny, ond rwy'n credu y byd yr oedd yn mynd yn benodol
[17:35.520 -> 17:39.840] oedd pan roeddech chi'n ysgrifennu ei fod yn y tu hwnt i'ch fath, a roeddech chi'n gweithio
[17:39.840 -> 17:45.480] ymlaen ar un llyfr arall, ac roedd eich fath yn gofyn i chi, fel, pam ddim i chi gael y diwrnod arall,
[17:45.480 -> 17:47.920] ac roedd eich bod yn ei ddwylo fel ddwylo o honno?
[17:47.920 -> 17:50.320] Ac rwy'n credu bod llawer o bobl yn ein diwygio
[17:50.320 -> 17:52.360] yn ymwneud â chyflogau cyhoeddiol
[17:52.360 -> 17:54.640] fel bod y cyfnod hwn yn ystod y gweithle,
[17:54.640 -> 17:56.640] y gweithle, y gweithredwch, y gweithredwch,
[17:56.640 -> 17:58.240] y ddiddorol.
[17:58.240 -> 17:59.880] Beth byddwch chi'n ei ddweud i bobl
[17:59.880 -> 18:02.840] sy'n eu ddweud hynny fel ddwylo o honno?
[18:02.840 -> 18:05.460] Wel, dweud rhywbeth i'r dyn y byddai yn y cafodd fy mhafr a'r llaw yn ei chweil o'r 30au, wear that as a badge of honor? Well first say something to the girl that was in my
[18:05.460 -> 18:09.780] father-in-law's house in her mid-30s who was writing her you know seventh book or
[18:09.780 -> 18:16.900] whatever it was on a holiday which was every every holiday I would be off in
[18:16.900 -> 18:21.120] the other room writing and feeling the shame of him saying that to me because
[18:21.120 -> 18:26.440] it was a shameful thing in the back of mind, I knew that I couldn't really settle.
[18:26.440 -> 18:28.800] I always had to keep, stay on, stay on, stay on,
[18:28.800 -> 18:30.360] meet the deadline.
[18:30.360 -> 18:32.160] And I can look back at her with so much,
[18:32.160 -> 18:34.480] I almost made me cry when you were describing it, Damien,
[18:34.480 -> 18:38.880] just because I was like, wow, like that was a really,
[18:38.880 -> 18:39.960] that was a hard time.
[18:40.840 -> 18:42.960] But I was, my initial, at the time,
[18:42.960 -> 18:46.320] I defended that part of me because it was what I knew
[18:46.320 -> 18:47.880] and it was also important.
[18:47.880 -> 18:52.280] It was protecting me from feeling deeper feelings that I wasn't safe enough to feel at that
[18:52.280 -> 18:53.280] time.
[18:53.280 -> 18:58.840] So I have a lot of compassion for that part of me that's thankfully in a better place.
[18:58.840 -> 19:07.280] For people that are entrepreneurs or athletes or high achievers, I think, my guess, and I'd love to see if
[19:07.280 -> 19:12.200] there's a study on this, that a lot of us, I'm saying us, you know, listening, you and
[19:12.200 -> 19:18.800] me, all of us here, the listeners, have some unresolved wounds that we may be running from.
[19:18.800 -> 19:23.460] I know that all people do, and I think in particular, sometimes the high achievers have
[19:23.460 -> 19:25.680] it even worse because
[19:25.680 -> 19:30.560] we're trying to prove ourselves or we're trying to overcome some shame that we might have
[19:30.560 -> 19:35.320] had from an experience from our childhood. And so it'd be an interesting moment for somebody
[19:35.320 -> 19:42.560] to say, oh yeah, I am burnt out, I am overworking, I am, you know, unable to be still. And I
[19:42.560 -> 19:46.680] was doing some work this morning with a friend on this and he's a big
[19:46.680 -> 19:53.080] high performer and he just sort of admitted in the conversation that he's overwhelmed
[19:53.080 -> 20:00.080] and then underneath the overwhelm is insecurity. So just opening your mind to the possibility
[20:00.080 -> 20:07.240] that there could be a inner child part that is running in the background and that there could be a inner child part that is is running in the background and
[20:08.280 -> 20:16.360] That there's this workaholic over, you know overachiever that's working in the foreground to just numb out that background part
[20:17.040 -> 20:23.520] We know our audience Gabby pretty well, and I think there will be people listening to this nodding along thinking
[20:23.520 -> 20:26.480] Yep, I know the trauma. I know what it's doing to me
[20:27.440 -> 20:29.040] But I'm not sure
[20:29.040 -> 20:33.000] How I go about solving this riddle and moving to a place where you are
[20:33.000 -> 20:38.500] I also think there will be a chunk of our audience going. I'm working hard. I'm non-stop
[20:38.500 -> 20:42.400] I could be at home a little bit more my wife does keep telling me that I you know
[20:42.400 -> 20:44.800] I I do a lot and I do feel overwhelmed at times
[20:44.800 -> 20:47.520] But it definitely doesn't come from a place of trauma
[20:47.520 -> 20:51.480] It just comes from a place of wanting to achieve loads with my life and be a high achiever
[20:51.720 -> 20:55.100] So I'm really interested to those that can totally relate to what you're saying
[20:55.200 -> 20:58.360] I'd love to hear from you about what your advice is to them to move through
[20:58.520 -> 21:06.240] But first I'd love to hear what you think about those people listening to this that totally relate to the worn-out burnt-out
[21:06.720 -> 21:13.160] Exhausted husk of a human being because they're giving everything but don't link that in any way to trauma
[21:13.160 -> 21:19.340] They link it to high performance because the world tells them that's high achievement. That's high performance
[21:19.640 -> 21:22.840] well first I want to talk to that person with a lot of compassion and
[21:23.380 -> 21:29.000] Let them know that I understand them because I was there and I lived that for many years and I'm very
[21:29.000 -> 21:35.760] forthcoming about that in all of my career and in this book in particular.
[21:35.760 -> 21:46.440] And I would invite them to go on this journey with me or maybe not me, maybe another author, maybe a therapist, maybe a life coach,
[21:46.440 -> 21:50.760] to start to explore the feelings that live beneath
[21:50.760 -> 21:53.460] that need to perform so high.
[21:54.880 -> 21:58.840] Because high achieving, high performance,
[21:58.840 -> 22:01.000] sometimes known as work addiction,
[22:01.000 -> 22:05.000] is no different than drug addiction or alcoholism.
[22:06.160 -> 22:10.320] It's just so praised in our culture.
[22:10.320 -> 22:14.280] It's such a socially acceptable disease
[22:14.280 -> 22:19.280] that we just praise and emphasize.
[22:20.560 -> 22:24.420] And it's so funny when you turn the corner there,
[22:24.420 -> 22:27.240] it becomes something that I now look out for
[22:27.240 -> 22:28.860] instead of praising.
[22:28.860 -> 22:29.840] Is that girl rubbing up?
[22:29.840 -> 22:30.680] Is she tired?
[22:30.680 -> 22:31.600] Does she need to get a good night's sleep?
[22:31.600 -> 22:33.340] Does she need to have her husband wake up
[22:33.340 -> 22:34.320] with the baby in the middle of the night
[22:34.320 -> 22:37.400] because he's, you know, wanting to take off his diaper?
[22:37.400 -> 22:38.740] Like whatever, right?
[22:38.740 -> 22:40.200] How am I gonna care for myself right now?
[22:40.200 -> 22:42.280] That's the turnaround.
[22:42.280 -> 22:44.760] But those of you who are aware
[22:44.760 -> 22:47.160] that you're running from something,
[22:47.160 -> 22:48.280] I wrote this book for you.
[22:48.280 -> 22:49.960] I literally wrote that book for,
[22:49.960 -> 22:51.440] and for someone who isn't aware,
[22:51.440 -> 22:54.140] but they just know that they're not steady,
[22:54.140 -> 22:55.440] that they're suffering with anxiety,
[22:55.440 -> 22:57.320] they're suffering with addictive patterns,
[22:57.320 -> 23:00.860] they're suffering with overactive thoughts.
[23:00.860 -> 23:03.200] This is for anyone that wants to address
[23:03.200 -> 23:05.720] the root cause condition and be gifted
[23:05.720 -> 23:12.120] with the methods that are very spiritual yet therapeutic in soothing your system, soothing
[23:12.120 -> 23:17.520] your nervous system. For those folks that are like, no, I'm a high achiever, like I
[23:17.520 -> 23:24.080] have nothing to run from. And they resist this. I guess all I would ask of them is just
[23:24.080 -> 23:26.600] to get curious curious just to look
[23:26.600 -> 23:31.240] a little bit more closely with a lot of curiosity what's there something else I
[23:31.240 -> 23:34.640] need to listen to but you can still work harder Gabby can't you when you've
[23:34.640 -> 23:37.880] addressed this because I feel like if I go back in my life there's definitely
[23:37.880 -> 23:41.560] some traumas there I feel like I've dealt with them but I also feel I work
[23:41.560 -> 23:47.360] really hard and I'm kind of comfy with both like is that okay after having done the work on them?
[23:47.480 -> 23:51.880] Do you feel that your relationship to your success and your career is?
[23:52.900 -> 23:54.480] different
[23:54.480 -> 24:00.440] Than it was before working on the trauma. I definitely feel like what I look for now has to have a purpose
[24:00.760 -> 24:06.560] Hmm, okay, rather than just I'm a TV presenter here in the UK as well as doing this podcast if I go back ten years
[24:06.560 -> 24:10.520] It was just about just being on the TV. Mm-hmm now it's all about
[24:11.120 -> 24:13.520] Doing this podcast because for the first time in my whole career
[24:13.520 -> 24:19.740] I actually feel useful for other people and this feels really purpose-driven. Yeah, and suddenly other things that used to light me up
[24:20.400 -> 24:24.160] Leave me cold beautiful. I love that. Well, I think that
[24:24.900 -> 24:27.360] The answer is you can work
[24:27.360 -> 24:34.680] super hard but you have a greater sense of inner safety. So right now for
[24:34.680 -> 24:38.680] instance, you're asking me at the perfect time this question. I'm in launch
[24:38.680 -> 24:49.360] mode, my books coming out right now, I'm you know going from being so dormant and at home from COVID and now just blasting out,
[24:49.360 -> 24:51.480] like ripping off the band-aid, getting on the plane,
[24:51.480 -> 24:53.220] going on the TV shows.
[24:53.220 -> 24:57.140] And the difference is, is that I now have
[24:57.140 -> 25:00.700] this steady presence and connection to that part of me
[25:00.700 -> 25:04.260] that's like an adult, undamaged resource part of me
[25:04.260 -> 25:08.280] that can look at that old addictive pattern and say,
[25:08.280 -> 25:10.260] oh, is she confused?
[25:10.260 -> 25:12.020] Like, does she think she needs to be here right now?
[25:12.020 -> 25:13.380] Cause like, she really doesn't.
[25:13.380 -> 25:16.620] You can do this without her or you can do this with her,
[25:16.620 -> 25:18.700] but she doesn't have to be extreme.
[25:18.700 -> 25:23.700] So that high performer in me is so present right now.
[25:23.860 -> 25:26.060] And to very much echo what you're saying,
[25:27.000 -> 25:30.900] she's so present because she cares so fucking much
[25:30.900 -> 25:33.840] about the people that could read this book.
[25:33.840 -> 25:37.320] And she does not give a fuck about, you know,
[25:37.320 -> 25:38.640] being on the New York Times list.
[25:38.640 -> 25:41.640] Like she is showing up every single day
[25:42.680 -> 25:44.620] to make sure that this book gets into the hands
[25:44.620 -> 25:46.240] of somebody who needs this.
[25:46.240 -> 25:50.220] I know for myself that I had to figure out
[25:50.220 -> 25:55.220] this path on my own, and had I had an author
[25:55.340 -> 25:57.960] like myself to hold my hand throughout that journey,
[25:57.960 -> 26:02.100] it would have been really, really soothing for me.
[26:02.100 -> 26:04.740] And I just have a lot of compassion
[26:04.740 -> 26:05.320] for the suffering in the world right now. And so just have a lot of compassion for the suffering
[26:05.320 -> 26:06.560] in the world right now.
[26:06.560 -> 26:09.000] And so I think that's a really good example
[26:09.000 -> 26:12.400] of how you know you've done some deep work on yourself
[26:12.400 -> 26:14.480] is that you still work hard,
[26:14.480 -> 26:16.800] but you're working for a different purpose.
[26:16.800 -> 26:20.260] You are also most importantly caring for yourself
[26:20.260 -> 26:23.160] with the utmost care and compassion.
[26:23.160 -> 26:24.680] For me, it was like cutting,
[26:24.680 -> 26:28.680] I canceled six hours a podcast the other day because I wasn't feeling well and just
[26:29.200 -> 26:34.420] Told my husband you got the night time for for the next two weeks and you know, just really speaking up
[26:35.040 -> 26:39.560] In the book you have this great line where you say surrender your old story
[26:39.940 -> 26:46.520] To become willing to embrace a new one respect what's in front of you and surrender to your vision statement now i ddod yn ddiogel i ddewis un newydd, respectio yr hyn sydd ar y ffyrdd o chi a'ch ymdrech i'ch ddysgwyriaeth ar hyn o bryd,
[26:46.520 -> 26:49.920] a chael eich ddewis a chyfrif yr hyn sy'n digwydd nesaf.
[26:49.920 -> 26:52.240] Nawr, dyna'n rhaid i ni ddweud hynny gyda'r ddau, Jake a fi,
[26:52.240 -> 26:52.960] pan ddewison ni.
[26:52.960 -> 26:54.480] Felly, y cwestiwn yw,
[26:54.480 -> 26:56.520] sut ydych chi'n teimlo'r cyfrif ymdrin ag eich hun
[26:56.520 -> 26:59.320] i'w wneud, i'w gadael yr holl fathau,
[26:59.320 -> 27:01.960] yr holl ddewisau y byddwch chi'n eu cyflawni?
[27:01.960 -> 27:04.360] Mae'n broses yn hir
[27:04.360 -> 27:05.560] ac nid yw'n arbennig i ddigwydd dros y noth. Dydych chi ddim yn mynd i ddod o'r bandaid beliefs that you held. It's a slow process and it's not meant to happen
[27:05.560 -> 27:09.040] overnight. You're not going to rip off the band-aid and be like, oh I'm a new
[27:09.040 -> 27:15.240] person. But that's why this is a path, a guided path. And I believe that we are
[27:15.240 -> 27:20.000] ready to face into whatever we're safe enough to face into in that time. When I
[27:20.000 -> 27:31.640] was 25 I was safe enough to face into my cocaine addiction and get sober. When I was 36, I was safe enough to face into a memory that had been dissociated for decades
[27:31.640 -> 27:35.720] and accept that I had had experienced sexual abuse as a child.
[27:35.720 -> 27:41.960] When I was, you know, years later, I was able to face into the diagnosis of postpartum depression
[27:41.960 -> 27:43.240] and show up for that.
[27:43.240 -> 27:48.680] But all these experiences along the way were up leveling and we don't often look at the
[27:49.280 -> 27:52.240] Difficult moments in our life as the up leveling moments
[27:52.240 -> 27:57.600] We typically are like oh I up leveled when I you know hit that point in my career when I made that thing happen
[27:57.840 -> 28:01.520] No, we up level when we go through and come out the other side
[28:01.960 -> 28:06.620] out of all those moments and whether it was a cocaine addiction the sexual abuse
[28:07.060 -> 28:09.740] where you felt comfortable to address it or the
[28:10.380 -> 28:15.700] Postpartum depression which one of those do you think gave you the greatest learning?
[28:16.420 -> 28:18.220] all of the above
[28:18.220 -> 28:25.440] The postpartum depression was a real turning point for me though. I write about this really openly in the book.
[28:25.440 -> 28:29.880] I had spent decades with PTSD that I didn't even know about,
[28:29.880 -> 28:31.480] right, and I drank over it and used over it,
[28:31.480 -> 28:35.720] and then at 36 years old, remembered it.
[28:36.600 -> 28:38.840] I remember at that point I was in my height
[28:38.840 -> 28:42.000] of my overachiever workaholism.
[28:42.000 -> 28:44.360] I had written half a dozen books, I'd been on Oprah,
[28:44.360 -> 28:47.800] I'd like, you know, just pushed, pushed, pushed real far.
[28:47.800 -> 28:49.560] And then to your point guys,
[28:49.560 -> 28:51.400] like all the work was in the pursuit of others
[28:51.400 -> 28:52.760] and in the pursuit of good.
[28:52.760 -> 28:55.200] So super praised, you know?
[28:55.200 -> 28:57.280] And then I cracked into that
[28:57.280 -> 29:01.000] and that began my real deep dive into the trauma.
[29:01.000 -> 29:02.320] But there was so much resistance
[29:02.320 -> 29:06.440] because it's so scary to face into, particularly
[29:06.440 -> 29:09.760] those childhood experiences of abuse.
[29:09.760 -> 29:14.000] It's just horrific, and it's real tough to get in there.
[29:14.000 -> 29:17.200] And so I was chipping away and chipping away with all the modalities I write about in this
[29:17.200 -> 29:19.320] book, and they were all mandatory.
[29:19.320 -> 29:27.120] And then by the grace of God, I was gifted with suicidal postpartum depression. And I say gifted
[29:27.120 -> 29:33.280] with it because for months I just did not get a diagnosis and I kept you know
[29:33.280 -> 29:38.240] trying to ashwagandha my way out of it. And that was really a result of a lot of
[29:38.240 -> 29:43.000] the space that we live in in this wellness space of like you know don't go
[29:43.000 -> 29:45.540] the Western route, you don't need medication,
[29:45.540 -> 29:47.980] really stigmas around mental illness,
[29:47.980 -> 29:50.240] stigmas around medication-friend mental illness,
[29:50.240 -> 29:53.020] just stigmas around being a mom and thinking,
[29:53.020 -> 29:54.980] oh, I've got this, but I wasn't sleeping.
[29:54.980 -> 29:56.700] I had insomnia, I had anxiety attacks,
[29:56.700 -> 29:59.780] I became agoraphobic, and I said I wanted to kill myself
[29:59.780 -> 30:04.780] on Mother's Day, and nothing made me hit my knees until,
[30:05.000 -> 30:05.320] until,
[30:07.800 -> 30:08.840] until, this is the workaholic that was there.
[30:10.000 -> 30:13.080] I mean, this was night after night, months and months and months of traumatic depression
[30:13.080 -> 30:14.680] and anxiety and insomnia.
[30:14.680 -> 30:17.240] And I finally hit my knees when I had a talk
[30:17.240 -> 30:20.320] in New York City and I didn't sleep the entire night before
[30:20.320 -> 30:22.640] because I was suffering with insomnia.
[30:22.640 -> 30:24.520] And I emailed the host and I said,
[30:24.520 -> 30:26.520] I'm not gonna be there.
[30:26.520 -> 30:29.160] And that was the first time in my 20 year career
[30:29.160 -> 30:31.420] of being a speaker that I didn't show up.
[30:32.380 -> 30:34.840] So you can see that that being my bottom
[30:34.840 -> 30:37.040] says a lot about my history, right?
[30:37.040 -> 30:39.500] And then my therapist that day intervened
[30:39.500 -> 30:41.720] and she said, you need to see a psychiatrist.
[30:41.720 -> 30:44.340] And that was such a huge moment for me
[30:44.340 -> 30:47.800] because in my field, in the wellness wellness space there's a lot of stigma around
[30:47.800 -> 30:53.280] psychiatric support and I think that that is very dangerous because it in my
[30:53.280 -> 30:57.960] case took four months of my early relationship with my child away from me.
[30:57.960 -> 31:03.000] What was the stigma associated with? That you can fix it with meditation or that
[31:03.000 -> 31:07.380] you can fix it with ashwagandha or melatonin.
[31:07.380 -> 31:08.220] None of that work.
[31:08.220 -> 31:10.900] I tried it all, you know, the acupuncture, this.
[31:10.900 -> 31:14.440] And when you're having a biochemical condition,
[31:14.440 -> 31:19.440] there is a time and a place for psychiatric medication.
[31:19.440 -> 31:21.700] And for me, that was the moment.
[31:21.700 -> 31:26.740] And I was just so ashamed of that diagnosis
[31:26.880 -> 31:28.840] and the idea that I'm a self-help book author
[31:28.840 -> 31:30.160] and I teach meditation.
[31:30.160 -> 31:33.320] Why would I take a medication?
[31:33.320 -> 31:37.640] Which ultimately became one of the most greatest
[31:37.640 -> 31:40.120] support systems in my life to help me do
[31:40.120 -> 31:42.620] the deeper inner work.
[31:43.580 -> 31:48.480] My psychiatrist that day said to me, she diagnosed me on the spot and she gave me a prescription
[31:48.480 -> 31:51.240] for an antidepressant and she said, I want to tell you this.
[31:51.240 -> 31:55.200] She's like, I know you're resisting this majorly, but I want to tell you this.
[31:55.200 -> 31:56.360] You've done a lot of work on yourself.
[31:56.360 -> 31:57.360] You've done a lot of therapy.
[31:57.360 -> 31:58.960] You've got a tremendous spiritual work.
[31:58.960 -> 32:05.880] You've written all these books, but this medication is going to give you a safer baseline to be free and safe enough
[32:05.880 -> 32:11.000] in your system to do the deeper trauma healing.
[32:11.000 -> 32:14.120] And so I believe that there is God in the medicine, I believe that there's God in the
[32:14.120 -> 32:17.460] doctors, there's God in the ashwagandha, there's God in this podcast.
[32:17.460 -> 32:19.320] It's whatever you're guided to.
[32:19.320 -> 32:23.960] And sometimes we're guided to things that we would never have expected to be on our
[32:23.960 -> 32:28.480] path but they show up to be an up-leveling.
[32:29.800 -> 32:32.120] I've been speaking very, very publicly
[32:32.120 -> 32:34.160] and obviously in this book about this experience
[32:34.160 -> 32:35.320] because I think so many people
[32:35.320 -> 32:38.400] with biochemical conditions go undiagnosed.
[32:38.400 -> 32:41.960] I know that 43 million people in America
[32:41.960 -> 32:43.720] are suffering with mental illness right now
[32:43.720 -> 32:46.000] and half of which are not getting treatment. Mae 3 miliwn o bobl yn America sy'n dioddef o ddiogelwch mental ar hyn o bryd, a haf o'r rhai sy'n ddim yn cael ymdrech.
[32:46.000 -> 32:50.000] Rwyf wedi llawn y llyfr ychydig mlynedd yn ôl o ran hapusiaeth toxic,
[32:50.000 -> 32:55.000] y syniad o fyddan nhw'n credu bod y meddwl positif yn golygu'n holl ailiadau.
[32:55.000 -> 32:58.000] Rydych chi'n rhan o'r cymdeithas hwnnw,
[32:58.000 -> 33:01.000] y gallai pobl eich gysylltu â'r math o beth.
[33:01.000 -> 33:09.040] Rwy'n credu ei fod yn bwysig bod angen i'r trauma kind of thing and I think it's important that sometimes we acknowledge that sometimes trauma does need to be put in a different place that we can't think
[33:09.040 -> 33:14.000] our way out of some of this stuff. What's your view on that Gabby? Yeah I think
[33:14.000 -> 33:18.080] that in all of my books while they may have this title of the universe has your
[33:18.080 -> 33:22.280] back or super attractor underneath all of them is personal growth work to get
[33:22.280 -> 33:29.800] to the root cause condition because I I've always believed, and now more than ever with this new book, that underneath
[33:29.800 -> 33:37.160] our physical pain or our suffering in life or our lack isn't just a thought form, it's
[33:37.160 -> 33:39.640] a belief system.
[33:39.640 -> 33:43.240] And so beliefs are really thoughts that we keep thinking.
[33:43.240 -> 33:45.960] And in some ways, we can rethink a thought
[33:45.960 -> 33:47.480] and the belief will change.
[33:47.480 -> 33:49.280] And that's very possible.
[33:49.280 -> 33:50.960] And I've written about it for decades, right?
[33:50.960 -> 33:52.640] You know, if you keep focusing on
[33:52.640 -> 33:53.880] that nothing's working out for me,
[33:53.880 -> 33:56.000] then nothing's gonna fucking work out for you, right?
[33:56.000 -> 33:58.640] But if you start to stay open to creative possibilities
[33:58.640 -> 34:01.520] and pray for support, you know, then things change.
[34:01.520 -> 34:04.160] But when it comes to deeper rooted wounds,
[34:04.160 -> 34:06.680] like if someone's constantly in debt,
[34:06.680 -> 34:09.400] they can't just think, I'm rich, I'm rich, I'm rich.
[34:09.400 -> 34:12.460] They have to look at the traumatic wounds
[34:12.460 -> 34:15.440] that live beneath the belief that they're in debt.
[34:15.440 -> 34:19.060] And so it's funny, I write about that in this book,
[34:19.060 -> 34:22.000] that while this may not at face value
[34:22.000 -> 34:24.900] seem like my other books on manifesting and spirituality,
[34:24.900 -> 34:25.000] it's actually my most spiritual book of all. While this may not at face value seem like my other books on manifesting and spirituality,
[34:25.000 -> 34:27.680] it's actually my most spiritual book of all.
[34:27.680 -> 34:32.160] Because when you actually begin to have the bravery to go to the places that scare you
[34:32.160 -> 34:36.320] and do some work on it, you really become a super attractor.
[34:36.320 -> 34:38.580] You really get connected to the spiritual realm.
[34:38.580 -> 34:43.760] You really have heightened your intuition and opened up your energy field to receive
[34:43.760 -> 34:46.760] so much more.
[34:46.760 -> 34:48.580] Talk about high performance, man.
[34:48.580 -> 34:54.300] If you take that time to go into your own subconscious and with the support of a therapist
[34:54.300 -> 34:59.020] or with support of the book like this, do some deeper healing.
[34:59.020 -> 35:03.800] You come out of that and you just, you know, just slightly tune up the notch and it's like
[35:03.800 -> 35:05.620] the highest performance you could possibly imagine. and you just, you know, just slightly tune up the notch and it's like, poof,
[35:05.620 -> 35:07.740] highest performance you could possibly imagine.
[35:07.740 -> 35:09.980] We're all functioning at a fraction of what we're capable of
[35:09.980 -> 35:11.820] because of all the fear-based belief systems
[35:11.820 -> 35:14.140] that we stay stuck in.
[35:14.140 -> 35:17.300] And it's folks like, you know, Gandhi or Lama Gabbawi
[35:17.300 -> 35:21.200] and these beautiful humans that transcended those beliefs
[35:21.200 -> 35:23.820] that were able to make the biggest impact.
[35:23.820 -> 35:25.520] But it's not just by
[35:25.520 -> 35:30.680] thinking it it's about reprocessing it in your whole system this I'm really
[35:30.680 -> 35:35.360] interested in Gabby because I think that um we're different over here from you in
[35:35.360 -> 35:39.660] the States I'm so familiar with you and I love coming to the UK because you
[35:39.660 -> 35:44.360] really give me a run for my money good good we challenge which I think is
[35:44.360 -> 35:45.760] important but I think that
[35:46.600 -> 35:50.920] One of the issues we have over here right is that all the things you're talking about going back into your past?
[35:51.760 -> 35:53.760] Attributing the struggles in your life to trauma
[35:54.000 -> 35:59.640] Looking at the areas where you're failing and struggling and work trying to work through why that's happening or just accepting that it's happening
[36:00.160 -> 36:02.160] Lots of people over here
[36:02.680 -> 36:07.780] See that as doing something negative. I don't look at my past. I don't look at my trauma
[36:07.780 -> 36:11.680] I don't even can I don't want to consider that the reason why I'm unhappy is
[36:12.060 -> 36:16.480] Anything other than the world is being horrible to me. This can't possibly be within me
[36:16.680 -> 36:20.720] so I'd really love to go a bit deeper into this opening yourself up and
[36:22.280 -> 36:27.600] Suddenly amazing things happen. Can you can you explain to us what our listeners should start?
[36:28.260 -> 36:31.980] Doing and the amazing power that it can have when you actually do
[36:32.860 -> 36:40.840] Delve into yourself in that way. Yeah, I think it's part of the reason why the promise of so many of my books was really
[36:41.820 -> 36:43.160] upbeat
[36:43.160 -> 36:44.480] the
[36:44.480 -> 36:45.120] Superattractor manifest a life beyond your wildest dreams my books was really upbeat. The super attractor,
[36:45.120 -> 36:48.200] manifest a life beyond your wildest dreams.
[36:48.200 -> 36:49.200] The universe has your back,
[36:49.200 -> 36:51.320] even the title alone is like, oh, that feels good.
[36:51.320 -> 36:53.400] And for those books, you know,
[36:53.400 -> 36:55.880] they've done great in the UK, okay?
[36:55.880 -> 36:58.200] So people wanna know how to manifest
[36:58.200 -> 37:01.300] and they wanna know how to like, you know, get things.
[37:01.300 -> 37:04.240] But my hope and prayer is that when they open that book,
[37:04.240 -> 37:06.500] they are challenged to do some deeper work.
[37:06.500 -> 37:09.480] Now this book may be a turnoff to those folks
[37:09.480 -> 37:11.640] that's like, hell no, I don't have trauma,
[37:11.640 -> 37:12.660] I don't wanna do that, I don't wanna touch that,
[37:12.660 -> 37:14.320] we don't do that here.
[37:14.320 -> 37:17.980] So my prayer though is that,
[37:17.980 -> 37:20.740] and I'm not even a prayer, I've witnessed this,
[37:20.740 -> 37:23.820] that living through a pandemic, a global pandemic,
[37:23.820 -> 37:25.460] has cracked open a lot of
[37:25.460 -> 37:30.780] people who never otherwise would have gotten here. When I say here, to the place
[37:30.780 -> 37:36.360] of being willing and brave enough to look at themselves. Even in my personal
[37:36.360 -> 37:41.920] friendships, just countless souls that I've met along the way that are like,
[37:41.920 -> 37:46.800] well now is the moment that I had to kind of go there.
[37:46.800 -> 37:48.320] I had to sort of start to face these things
[37:48.320 -> 37:50.920] because when we are told to go home
[37:50.920 -> 37:52.200] and we don't know when we're gonna get home
[37:52.200 -> 37:53.040] and we have a lot of fear
[37:53.040 -> 37:54.800] and that there's so much terror on the news,
[37:54.800 -> 37:57.520] all of those impermissible fears
[37:57.520 -> 38:02.280] and locked up emotions from the past start to get activated.
[38:02.280 -> 38:04.200] And a lot of the ways that we used to protect ourselves
[38:04.200 -> 38:12.000] by like, you know, being seen everywhere, you know, going to the whatever, taken away. So I think we're in a
[38:12.000 -> 38:17.120] different time, British, American, whatever. I think we are in a different time where more people
[38:17.120 -> 38:24.880] are cracking open to the desire to heal. And my prayer for the UK is that you could all just
[38:28.260 -> 38:34.880] And my prayer for the UK is that you can all just give yourself permission in your closet with a little book light, don't let anybody see you reading it, to do that work and to
[38:34.880 -> 38:40.200] enjoy the process of what it feels like to heal internally.
[38:40.200 -> 38:45.200] As a person with a very deep voice, I'm hired all the time for advertising campaigns.
[38:45.200 -> 38:50.880] But a deep voice doesn't sell B2B, and advertising on the wrong platform doesn't sell B2B either.
[38:50.880 -> 38:54.720] That's why if you're a B2B marketer, you should use LinkedIn ads.
[38:54.720 -> 38:59.920] LinkedIn has the targeting capabilities to help you reach the world's largest professional audience.
[38:59.920 -> 39:04.080] That's right, over 70 million decision makers all in one place.
[39:04.080 -> 39:09.720] All the bigwigs and mediumwigs, also small wigs who are on the path to becoming big wigs.
[39:09.720 -> 39:11.760] Okay, that's enough about wigs.
[39:11.760 -> 39:16.200] LinkedIn ads allows you to focus on getting your B2B message to the right people.
[39:16.200 -> 39:21.360] So does that mean you should use ads on LinkedIn instead of hiring me, the man with the deepest
[39:21.360 -> 39:22.840] voice in the world?
[39:22.840 -> 39:24.960] Yes, yes it does.
[39:24.960 -> 39:26.960] Get started today and see why LinkedIn
[39:26.960 -> 39:29.400] is the place to be, to be.
[39:29.400 -> 39:32.680] We'll even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign.
[39:32.680 -> 39:35.840] Go to linkedin.com slash results to claim your credit.
[39:35.840 -> 39:38.120] That's linkedin.com slash results.
[39:38.120 -> 39:39.480] Terms and conditions apply.
[39:42.480 -> 39:44.660] On our podcast, we love to highlight businesses
[39:44.660 -> 39:46.520] that are doing things a better way so you
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[41:16.720 -> 41:22.160] mint mobile for details. Gabby were you
[41:20.680 -> 41:24.400] cynical at the beginning of I mean
[41:22.160 -> 41:26.680] something like manifestation I think is
[41:24.400 -> 41:28.060] fascinating and I know you believe that you can get the life you want
[41:28.700 -> 41:31.980] Through manifestation by acting in alignment with the energy of the universe
[41:32.780 -> 41:35.100] Was there a period where you look to that and thought?
[41:35.660 -> 41:41.160] What nonsense of course you can't you know life is the human being is separate to the power of the universe
[41:41.160 -> 41:50.960] No, I was brought up thinking like that. My mom brought me in and out of ashrams, I was brought up to meditate. I always leaned
[41:50.960 -> 42:00.120] spiritual. I had psychic experiences as a child and I knew, I know, I knew then
[42:00.120 -> 42:06.720] there was more beyond my physical sight and so it's undeniable for me. And so no I never questioned it
[42:06.720 -> 42:12.100] No, and for those that are questioning it, how would you like them to start a life of manifestation?
[42:12.100 -> 42:15.820] You know, is it something that we should do every day? Do we do it in the car?
[42:15.820 -> 42:22.300] Do you know do we set aside time to specifically think about what we what we really want to achieve and I suppose a question
[42:22.300 -> 42:23.700] I've always wondered like
[42:23.700 -> 42:26.800] How do we know it's working? So you're asking the question that
[42:26.800 -> 42:32.080] everybody now wants to hear the answer to but I'm gonna challenge it because I
[42:32.080 -> 42:38.480] can give you tons of tips right now on like meditations and affirmations and
[42:38.480 -> 42:47.160] visioning and it all works it all works but it's not sustainable if you don't do the inner work.
[42:47.160 -> 42:49.720] Because if you have an inner belief system of lack,
[42:49.720 -> 42:51.520] and then you do all this work around, you know,
[42:51.520 -> 42:53.120] convincing yourself that you're worthy,
[42:53.120 -> 42:56.520] and claiming it, and you know, affirming it,
[42:56.520 -> 42:58.520] and then you start to get that job,
[42:58.520 -> 43:02.020] great, you got the job, but you can't keep it
[43:02.020 -> 43:08.720] if you don't believe in your body and in your subconscious awareness.
[43:08.720 -> 43:12.580] Go ahead and read any of those other books I've written on manifesting and they all will
[43:12.580 -> 43:16.620] do inner work with you because that's, I can't just do fluffy shit.
[43:16.620 -> 43:18.260] It's not what I can do.
[43:18.260 -> 43:26.880] But if you want to really get to that place ni fydd yn fwy atractor,
[43:26.880 -> 43:28.400] gallwn ni gael mwy o mhro.
[43:28.400 -> 43:30.720] Gallwn ni teimlo'n mwy confiant.
[43:30.720 -> 43:32.880] Gallwn ni, dwi'n gwybod,
[43:32.880 -> 43:34.560] gwybod yn ddiwethaf beth yw'n iawn i mi
[43:34.560 -> 43:36.240] a ddim yn dweud ai o'n i gyd.
[43:37.120 -> 43:38.000] Dysgwch Happy Days.
[43:38.880 -> 43:39.840] Deg.
[43:39.840 -> 43:40.960] Felly, gadewch i ni ddewis,
[43:40.960 -> 43:41.440] Gabby,
[43:41.440 -> 43:43.920] a'n cydnabod, fel arwainwyr,
[43:43.920 -> 43:44.240] nawr,
[43:44.240 -> 43:48.640] bod ni'n agor i hyn, y byddwch chi'n ysgrifennu bywydau
[43:48.640 -> 43:52.320] arferol iawn ar gyfer ni, cyfleu cyhoeddiad ar ein eiliadau ein hunain.
[43:52.320 -> 43:55.520] Pa oedd y cyflwyniad cyntaf, os oeddech chi'n ein hyrwyddo,
[43:55.520 -> 43:57.920] yn ogystal â'r llyfr, pa oedd y cyflwyniad cyntaf
[43:57.920 -> 44:00.960] y byddwch chi'n ei ddweud i ni ddechrau'r ffordd hon?
[44:00.960 -> 44:04.320] Roedd rhaid i mi wneud y cyfrifoldeb i mi, ac rydw i'n dweud hynny i'ch arwainwyr,
[44:04.320 -> 44:06.660] i wneud y cyfrifoldeb i'n hunan o'r un o fath o ffynediad a'r ymdrechion this journey? I had to make the commitment to myself and I would say this to your listener, to make the commitment to themselves that the same amount of
[44:06.660 -> 44:10.860] energy and conviction that they put into their career or their sport or whatever
[44:10.860 -> 44:15.820] they are achieving, that they put into their self. Imagine all the energy that
[44:15.820 -> 44:19.260] we could be redirecting. And what form should that take? Well it's different for
[44:19.260 -> 44:22.300] everybody right? Like some people are gonna resonate with me and be like I
[44:22.300 -> 44:25.020] want to go pick up her book and some people are like that with me and be like, I wanna go pick up her book. And some people are like, that girl ain't for me,
[44:25.020 -> 44:28.920] but she said something about somatic experiencing,
[44:28.920 -> 44:30.560] I'm gonna go look at that.
[44:30.560 -> 44:32.880] Or I really like Damien,
[44:32.880 -> 44:34.200] and I'm gonna see about his coaching.
[44:34.200 -> 44:35.040] You know what I mean?
[44:35.040 -> 44:40.040] Like they're gonna be led intuitively
[44:40.200 -> 44:42.120] once they open that door.
[44:42.120 -> 44:45.060] So it all starts out with the willingness to look inward
[44:45.260 -> 44:49.020] But then there was a brilliant exercise in the book that I liked for example
[44:49.620 -> 44:51.980] Where you describe it as the rage on the page?
[44:52.420 -> 44:58.220] Which was a good one. So what I'm looking is what specific exercises like that?
[44:59.340 -> 45:05.000] Would you advocate can have a huge impacts on people. I just prescribed 30 days of
[45:05.000 -> 45:10.720] rage on the page to Fern Cotton today. Explain that for any of our listeners,
[45:10.720 -> 45:17.160] what is it? Well so in the book I have a whole chapter that talks about how, it
[45:17.160 -> 45:21.300] talks about the work of Dr. John Sarno and he wrote the book Healing Back Pain
[45:21.300 -> 45:28.040] and the Mind Body Prescription and his work was so profound to me
[45:28.040 -> 45:29.180] because I suffered for many years
[45:29.180 -> 45:30.680] with gastrointestinal issues.
[45:30.680 -> 45:32.880] And when I came to Sarno's work,
[45:32.880 -> 45:35.920] it served me so much because it helped me recognize
[45:35.920 -> 45:39.400] the psychosomatic condition I was having.
[45:39.400 -> 45:42.560] That all of my anxiety, all of my repressed rage,
[45:42.560 -> 45:46.760] all of my repressed shame, grief from the traumatic events of my anxiety, all of my repressed rage, all of my repressed shame, grief from the
[45:46.760 -> 45:53.120] traumatic events of my history were manifesting in stress, anxiety, overworking, and then
[45:53.120 -> 45:56.860] as a result really affecting my physical condition.
[45:56.860 -> 45:57.860] For me, it was in my gut.
[45:57.860 -> 45:59.640] For other folks, it's in their back.
[45:59.640 -> 46:00.640] For other folks, it's in their headaches.
[46:00.640 -> 46:05.040] It's in their insomnia, whatever, there's fibromyalgia.
[46:05.040 -> 46:09.320] And so around that time, so I started really getting deep into the Sarno work and I started
[46:09.320 -> 46:12.600] to apply it with other modalities and I write about all that in the book.
[46:12.600 -> 46:18.580] And then at one point, I did a podcast with a friend of mine named Nicole Sachs and she
[46:18.580 -> 46:20.420] teaches a lot of the Sarno work.
[46:20.420 -> 46:22.040] And I said, listen, I'm doing a lot better.
[46:22.040 -> 46:26.600] This is when I was shortly after my postpartum diagnosis. And I was like, I'm starting to sleep a lot better,
[46:26.600 -> 46:30.120] but I'm still having a lot of jaw tension, the TMJ.
[46:30.120 -> 46:32.640] And she said, okay, I want to give you a Sarno tool
[46:32.640 -> 46:34.560] that she kind of renamed.
[46:34.560 -> 46:37.080] And she called it Journal Speak,
[46:37.080 -> 46:39.440] where you would just write for 20 minutes in your journal,
[46:39.440 -> 46:41.720] just get everything that you need to get out onto the page
[46:41.720 -> 46:44.680] and then do 20 minutes of meditation.
[46:44.680 -> 46:46.960] And so I'm an experimenter, right?
[46:46.960 -> 46:49.040] And I'm like a real spirit junkie.
[46:49.040 -> 46:52.760] So I was like, let me go deeper into this and see what I could do with it.
[46:52.760 -> 46:56.400] So I started doing it, but I added in an element.
[46:56.400 -> 47:01.560] I added in the binaural music, which I reference in this book as well.
[47:01.560 -> 47:05.220] So binaural music is like EMDR music,
[47:05.220 -> 47:07.280] eye movement desensitization and reprocessing,
[47:07.280 -> 47:08.680] but it's for EMDR,
[47:08.680 -> 47:12.160] meaning that it stimulates both sides of the brain.
[47:12.160 -> 47:15.080] So it's music that sort of like rings in the right ear
[47:15.080 -> 47:17.000] and then rings in the left ear and then rings,
[47:17.000 -> 47:19.720] but it's still meditation music.
[47:19.720 -> 47:21.960] And I brought that in because when you have
[47:21.960 -> 47:29.600] bilateral stimulation while feeling into some or expressing onto the page
[47:29.600 -> 47:31.680] something that's disturbing you,
[47:31.680 -> 47:34.320] you're having a greater window of tolerance in your brain
[47:34.320 -> 47:38.020] to reprocess that experience or that feeling.
[47:38.020 -> 47:41.160] So I would listen to that music for 20 minutes
[47:41.160 -> 47:43.280] while I raged on the page,
[47:43.280 -> 47:45.540] which is why I named it Rage on the Page.
[47:45.540 -> 47:47.240] And I would just get out all the shit
[47:47.240 -> 47:49.380] that was up for me in that moment.
[47:50.480 -> 47:52.280] And then when I was done with my 20 minutes
[47:52.280 -> 47:55.020] of Rage on the Page, I would keep the same music going
[47:55.020 -> 47:56.440] and I would meditate for 20 minutes.
[47:56.440 -> 47:57.720] And it was a different style of meditation.
[47:57.720 -> 47:59.600] I would lie down, I'd put my right hand on my heart,
[47:59.600 -> 48:01.920] my left hand on my belly, this is a heart hold,
[48:01.920 -> 48:06.040] which is a real beautiful hold for safety, for feeling safe.
[48:06.040 -> 48:12.120] And I would close my eyes and I would just be in a meditative sleep.
[48:12.120 -> 48:18.160] And all throughout that process, and I still do it every day, so in that process, I was
[48:18.160 -> 48:26.600] just reprocessing, which means sort of reorganizing and redoing the feeling that I wasn't wanting to have and
[48:27.680 -> 48:31.640] So I'd come out of that and I'd feel so fresh so new
[48:32.560 -> 48:35.040] It's so soothing to my system
[48:35.800 -> 48:39.240] And I definitely would recommend that to your audience as a first step
[48:39.480 -> 48:48.000] But that also fits Gabby with like I loved the the description of the four S's Ond dyna hefyd yn ymgyrchu gyda Gabi. Rwy'n hoffi'r ysgrifenniad o'r 4 S-au yn eich gwaith,
[48:48.000 -> 49:09.000] y syniad o fod yn ddangos, yn ymwneud â, yn sicr. Ac eto, rwy'n credu ein bod ni'n cael llawer o'r rhain o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai o'r rhai Understanding of your work that they can take away and apply So would you tell us a little bit about the four s's and the importance of them or s's are not my work?
[49:09.000 -> 49:14.200] It's my interpretation of that work. So it's the work of dr. Dan Siegel who is a
[49:15.220 -> 49:20.180] Fascinating teacher, but he's came into my life through the through my three-year-old
[49:20.680 -> 49:23.600] So when I had my son, I was like, I'm gonna do this, right?
[49:23.600 -> 49:31.480] I just went deep into the all of the therapeutic child psychology and all the parenting books that I resonated
[49:31.480 -> 49:37.520] with very deeply. And they were all typically parenting books that were focusing on feelings
[49:37.520 -> 49:46.560] above all else, feelings, the child's feelings, their emotions, and creating a secure, safe, soothed, seen environment for the child.
[49:47.840 -> 49:54.000] And while I was writing this book, I was reading a lot of Dan Siegel for my kid. But quickly,
[49:54.000 -> 49:59.680] I realized I was actually reading it for myself, because so much of this book is about reorganizing
[49:59.680 -> 50:06.320] how you parent your own inner child. And so I wrote a whole chapter about reparenting yourself,
[50:06.320 -> 50:09.960] taking those four S's and putting them
[50:09.960 -> 50:11.920] into practice for ourselves.
[50:13.120 -> 50:15.920] So asking how do I want to be seen?
[50:15.920 -> 50:17.920] How can I see myself right now?
[50:17.920 -> 50:19.680] What can I do to soothe myself?
[50:21.360 -> 50:23.120] How can I create security?
[50:24.280 -> 50:27.100] And really looking into those assets those s qualities
[50:27.560 -> 50:33.680] So give us some examples and of the kind of questions that you were asking yourself to to answer those four s's
[50:33.860 -> 50:38.300] We're all leaders that are listening because if you're an entrepreneur your leader if your parents your leader in some way
[50:38.300 -> 50:46.200] And I want to teach some some methods for the leaders because I run my business with what's called self-led leadership,
[50:46.200 -> 50:49.360] which I'm trained in internal family systems therapy,
[50:49.360 -> 50:51.120] which is about connecting to self,
[50:51.120 -> 50:52.600] the resourced part of you.
[50:52.600 -> 50:55.440] Even doing the four S's is connecting to self-energy.
[50:55.440 -> 50:58.040] And so I always make sure that I lead from that place
[50:58.040 -> 51:00.320] and teach my leaders to lead from that place.
[51:00.320 -> 51:01.400] I'll get into that.
[51:01.400 -> 51:04.080] I also practice radical honesty with my team,
[51:04.080 -> 51:06.420] and I also practice nonviolent communication
[51:06.480 -> 51:11.080] So I'd be really happy to hit all of those with you the four S's
[51:12.200 -> 51:14.960] safe, seen, soothed, secure are
[51:15.840 -> 51:17.840] designed to
[51:18.680 -> 51:21.920] First and foremost be reflected onto a child
[51:22.680 -> 51:25.600] so when your kids tantruming,
[51:25.600 -> 51:27.920] really what they're wanting is to be seen.
[51:28.940 -> 51:30.440] And they're wanting to be soothed.
[51:30.440 -> 51:32.440] They're needing to be soothed.
[51:33.400 -> 51:35.920] And they're needing to help,
[51:35.920 -> 51:40.920] you need to co-regulate with your adult-resourced,
[51:41.200 -> 51:45.000] calm, compassionate energy in order to get back to safety
[51:45.880 -> 51:49.120] because as a baby, that little baby, that little kid,
[51:49.120 -> 51:53.500] doesn't have the brain capacity to regulate themself yet,
[51:53.500 -> 51:56.920] so they need to co-regulate with mom or dad
[51:56.920 -> 51:58.360] or whoever the caregiver is.
[51:59.240 -> 52:01.800] That's not that different from running a team
[52:01.800 -> 52:05.400] because we all have child parts
[52:05.400 -> 52:08.320] and they get very activated at work.
[52:08.320 -> 52:11.600] One person I've worked with gets really defensive
[52:11.600 -> 52:13.280] and that's a very common, you know,
[52:13.280 -> 52:16.960] you bring anything up and it's just like immediate defense
[52:16.960 -> 52:19.480] and that defense is a protection, a form of protection,
[52:19.480 -> 52:22.240] but protecting a child part that doesn't feel good enough.
[52:22.240 -> 52:27.120] So if I come to that person with that soothing energy
[52:27.120 -> 52:29.680] and compassion, curiosity,
[52:29.680 -> 52:33.800] I'm wondering why you might've thought that was the move.
[52:33.800 -> 52:36.000] And I'm really curious, I wanna know,
[52:36.000 -> 52:36.840] what's that about?
[52:36.840 -> 52:41.360] Or I'm curious to know why you're not working at noon
[52:41.360 -> 52:43.160] or whatever it is, right?
[52:43.160 -> 52:46.040] And just coming with that self-energy,
[52:46.040 -> 52:50.520] that compassionate, secure sense of safety within yourself,
[52:50.520 -> 52:52.740] not from an activated place,
[52:53.600 -> 52:58.060] allows the person to lay down their guard,
[52:58.060 -> 52:59.580] to relax their defenses,
[52:59.580 -> 53:02.280] because just like the child in a tantrum
[53:02.280 -> 53:04.680] that you need to co-regulate with,
[53:04.680 -> 53:06.900] you can co-regulate with your employees.
[53:07.880 -> 53:11.820] And so whenever I bring up constructive criticism,
[53:11.820 -> 53:12.860] it sounds like this.
[53:13.740 -> 53:18.000] I'm noticing that the team is really feeling out of control
[53:18.000 -> 53:20.300] and there's a lot of miscommunication
[53:20.300 -> 53:22.540] and I'm noticing that it could be a little bit clearer
[53:22.540 -> 53:24.500] the way you deliver the message.
[53:24.500 -> 53:25.880] And it makes me feel a little nervous
[53:25.880 -> 53:28.440] because I just don't wanna have the team
[53:28.440 -> 53:30.240] get too out of control
[53:30.240 -> 53:32.640] because I kind of need them to stay steady.
[53:32.640 -> 53:35.960] And I need to come up with some systems
[53:35.960 -> 53:38.960] to really support you and support the team.
[53:38.960 -> 53:41.560] And I think that we can start to implement
[53:41.560 -> 53:42.680] those systems right now.
[53:42.680 -> 53:44.520] Let's talk about them.
[53:44.520 -> 53:47.220] That's using nonviolent communication self-energy
[53:47.800 -> 53:49.800] Compassion it's a soothing voice
[53:50.240 -> 53:55.720] That is one way to say it and then the other way to say it is the team's getting really fucked up right now because you're
[53:55.720 -> 54:00.960] Not communicating the message the way I need you to and so I need you to fucking figure it out because I can't do this
[54:00.960 -> 54:02.960] And I'm too fucking busy. So get it done, you know
[54:02.960 -> 54:05.840] Yeah, or just even a nicer tone without the F-bombs,
[54:05.840 -> 54:08.000] but that energy, right?
[54:08.000 -> 54:09.360] So you guys know the difference.
[54:09.360 -> 54:12.440] So what I used in that moment was nonviolent communication,
[54:12.440 -> 54:15.400] self-led energy, and the four S's.
[54:15.400 -> 54:16.920] And it's not just about tone,
[54:16.920 -> 54:18.840] you have to do the work for yourself.
[54:18.840 -> 54:20.480] You have to get yourself back to a place
[54:20.480 -> 54:22.840] where you've soothed yourself first,
[54:22.840 -> 54:24.560] where you've calmed yourself first,
[54:24.560 -> 54:28.440] where you've connected compassionately to your child parts.
[54:28.440 -> 54:31.840] Because, you know, if you come to them all revved up
[54:31.840 -> 54:34.080] and pissed, you're coming, you're running your business
[54:34.080 -> 54:36.320] with your 10 year old self.
[54:36.320 -> 54:37.760] Cause that 10 year old self is like,
[54:37.760 -> 54:42.560] nobody else will do it unless I do it, you know?
[54:42.560 -> 54:45.660] And so I gotta make sure they fucking do it, right?
[54:45.660 -> 54:50.500] And the adult resourced self can talk to that child part
[54:50.500 -> 54:53.620] and say, let's take a breath.
[54:53.620 -> 54:55.340] Let's be compassionate towards you.
[54:55.340 -> 54:57.620] I know you feel so, I'm speaking now to my child parts,
[54:57.620 -> 55:00.660] you know, I notice you feel really out of control right now.
[55:00.660 -> 55:02.560] I'm gonna like do a meditation with you.
[55:02.560 -> 55:04.120] Let's do some rage on the page
[55:04.120 -> 55:05.460] before we talk to the employee
[55:06.680 -> 55:08.680] Let's get clear about what you need
[55:09.860 -> 55:14.700] Let's write it out. Let's write out the nonviolent communication. I'm noticing I
[55:15.560 -> 55:21.900] Feel I need and here's what's next. Let's do this. How about this kind of I say, how about this, you know?
[55:21.900 -> 55:24.160] And that is a profound
[55:24.160 -> 55:24.900] How about this kind of I say how about this, you know, and that is a profound
[55:31.600 -> 55:32.160] Way to lead. I think that's really really interesting and useful advice and it's amazing how often we feel like
[55:36.480 -> 55:37.240] To get the best out of people. We have to feel the anger ourselves. Do you know what I mean? Mm-hmm
[55:37.240 -> 55:43.080] Very rarely is that is that a useful emotion for you to feel when you go into a communication with a team like that?
[55:43.080 -> 55:46.840] I mean we have so many as said, so many teachers listening to this.
[55:46.840 -> 55:47.980] It's great advice for them,
[55:47.980 -> 55:50.980] for how they speak to their pupils as well.
[55:50.980 -> 55:54.140] Yeah, and you know, I wanna like send, extend
[55:54.140 -> 55:56.620] a lot of compassion and love to my former team.
[55:56.620 -> 55:58.440] So I had a very, I did completely,
[55:58.440 -> 56:00.860] I've restructured my whole team in 2020.
[56:00.860 -> 56:04.260] The pre-pandemic team, I send you so much love
[56:04.260 -> 56:05.240] and so much compassion
[56:05.240 -> 56:06.720] and I'm so sorry for running the business
[56:06.720 -> 56:07.960] like a 10 year old.
[56:07.960 -> 56:09.240] And I was doing the best I could
[56:09.240 -> 56:10.800] and thank you for sticking around.
[56:10.800 -> 56:12.560] And for the new team, I'm just so happy
[56:12.560 -> 56:16.000] that they walk around praising the shit out of me.
[56:16.000 -> 56:18.200] They're like, my boss has such clear boundaries,
[56:18.200 -> 56:20.600] she's so compassionate, she can tell me what she needs,
[56:20.600 -> 56:22.140] I feel safe with her.
[56:22.140 -> 56:24.760] You can call up any one of my employees today
[56:24.760 -> 56:25.800] and they will say that to you
[56:25.800 -> 56:27.800] Can I ask you then Gabby? Why?
[56:27.880 -> 56:32.900] We you've had a team at 2020 or in 2020 and now you've got a different team
[56:33.060 -> 56:36.000] Why was the team around you was the thing that had to change?
[56:36.400 -> 56:42.000] Rather than you being the thing that had to change and taking those previous people on a journey. It's actually the opposite
[56:42.600 -> 56:52.680] The team around me had to change because I changed. We attract to us what our likeness. Yeah. We, our wounds
[56:52.680 -> 56:58.840] attract others wounds. We attract where we're at. The two of the people on that
[56:58.840 -> 57:07.680] former team were with me for a decade and they were extraordinarily, profoundly impactful in my business and in my life.
[57:07.680 -> 57:11.920] But when I started to get to a steadier baseline,
[57:11.920 -> 57:13.360] I wanted to button shit up more.
[57:13.360 -> 57:17.400] I wanted to be more forthcoming about my beliefs
[57:17.400 -> 57:19.000] on racial issues.
[57:19.000 -> 57:22.600] I wanted to step into, not wanted to,
[57:22.600 -> 57:27.640] I was naturally stepping into a different way of being
[57:28.320 -> 57:30.240] because I was a different person.
[57:30.240 -> 57:32.840] And a lot of that didn't resonate with them anymore.
[57:33.800 -> 57:35.680] And was it hard to give them the opportunity
[57:35.680 -> 57:37.720] to come on that journey with you first?
[57:37.720 -> 57:40.560] Or were you quite clear that actually for you,
[57:40.560 -> 57:41.920] it had to be a fresh start?
[57:41.920 -> 57:43.680] In terms of changing out the team?
[57:43.680 -> 57:44.520] Yeah.
[57:44.520 -> 57:46.580] They quit. Because they felt threatened by the new you they
[57:46.580 -> 57:48.040] were
[57:48.040 -> 57:51.600] Definitely resentful of some of my own patterns. So I'll own my part. I
[57:52.240 -> 57:53.680] think that
[57:53.680 -> 57:57.640] They were resentful of some of my stances on things. I think that
[57:58.400 -> 58:00.400] they
[58:00.520 -> 58:02.000] Definitely whether they realize it or not
[58:02.000 -> 58:03.200] We're not loving how
[58:03.200 -> 58:06.000] Corporate we were becoming because there comes a point where you have to get
[58:06.000 -> 58:07.480] your shit buttoned up.
[58:07.480 -> 58:08.960] If you wanna do really good work in the world,
[58:08.960 -> 58:12.200] you gotta make sure that you're running your business
[58:12.200 -> 58:14.000] like a business, not like a bunch of friends.
[58:14.000 -> 58:16.120] And I think here's the biggest one.
[58:16.120 -> 58:20.580] I had run my team for decades in a very codependent way.
[58:21.640 -> 58:23.440] It was all about how I could serve them
[58:23.440 -> 58:27.680] and not about how they could serve me. And
[58:27.680 -> 58:30.480] you have to show up for your team, you have to be there to support them. If they're having
[58:30.480 -> 58:37.200] a crisis, show up. But I, around that time, made it very clear the energetic shift of
[58:37.200 -> 58:43.760] I'm not going to hold your hand through your own crisis. I'm not going to give you an every
[58:43.760 -> 58:46.320] other day personal day. Not even really that, it was more just like I'm not going to give you every other day a personal day. Not even really that.
[58:46.320 -> 58:53.880] It was more just like, I'm not going to energetically be a first responder to your crises. And that
[58:53.880 -> 59:02.200] boundary is absolutely imperative when you work with others and you lead. And even just
[59:02.200 -> 59:06.000] working with coworkers. Now, somebody at my company's having a, you know, I've had this a'r hyn yw'r ffordd y byddwch chi'n ei ddweud, a'r ffordd y byddwch chi'n ei ddweud, a'r ffordd y byddwch chi'n ei ddweud,
[59:06.000 -> 59:08.000] a'r ffordd y byddwch chi'n ei ddweud,
[59:08.000 -> 59:10.000] a'r ffordd y byddwch chi'n ei ddweud,
[59:10.000 -> 59:12.000] a'r ffordd y byddwch chi'n ei ddweud,
[59:12.000 -> 59:14.000] a'r ffordd y byddwch chi'n ei ddweud,
[59:14.000 -> 59:16.000] a'r ffordd y byddwch chi'n ei ddweud,
[59:16.000 -> 59:18.000] a'r ffordd y byddwch chi'n ei ddweud,
[59:18.000 -> 59:20.000] a'r ffordd y byddwch chi'n ei ddweud,
[59:20.000 -> 59:22.000] a'r ffordd y byddwch chi'n ei ddweud,
[59:22.000 -> 59:24.000] a'r ffordd y byddwch chi'n ei ddweud,
[59:24.000 -> 59:30.800] a'r ffordd y byddwch chi'n ei ddweud, a'r ffordd y byddwch chi'n ei ddweud, Tell us that then go because that's a really interesting one that Point that you're making that the nature of the work you do means that you you're encouraging people to go and explore and dig deep
[59:30.800 -> 59:32.280] But how do you?
[59:32.280 -> 59:36.640] Protect yourself if that's the right term from the fallout of that
[59:36.760 -> 59:42.280] What I was defining was the old way with the folks that left they were accustomed to me
[59:43.040 -> 59:44.200] being
[59:44.200 -> 59:48.200] constantly co-regulating with them, constantly hold,
[59:48.200 -> 59:53.880] you know, caring for their every need, you know, caring for their child parts, making
[59:53.880 -> 59:55.900] sure that they were okay.
[59:55.900 -> 01:00:00.480] And when I started to redirect and get rid of that codependent behavior, because that
[01:00:00.480 -> 01:00:04.800] was an old pattern of like, I just make sure everybody likes me.
[01:00:04.800 -> 01:00:08.860] And when I when I really cleaned that that up and started to adjust to,
[01:00:08.860 -> 01:00:11.920] actually you work for me and I love you,
[01:00:11.920 -> 01:00:15.580] but I'm not gonna just pick up all the piece,
[01:00:15.580 -> 01:00:18.820] I'm not gonna just energetically put it all into you,
[01:00:18.820 -> 01:00:21.780] I need you to help me out, right?
[01:00:21.780 -> 01:00:25.840] That energetic shift, whether they realize it or not,
[01:00:25.840 -> 01:00:27.600] was terrifying to them.
[01:00:27.600 -> 01:00:31.040] In many ways, I think our employees can parentify us.
[01:00:31.040 -> 01:00:35.140] And we can do a lot of stuff that might activate them
[01:00:35.140 -> 01:00:37.740] because if we're not steady in our own system
[01:00:37.740 -> 01:00:40.360] and we're not boundaried and we're not calm
[01:00:40.360 -> 01:00:43.000] and we're not in that really good space,
[01:00:43.000 -> 01:00:45.360] we are shit will activate the employee
[01:00:45.940 -> 01:00:48.840] Because you're in a parental kind of figure to them
[01:00:49.360 -> 01:00:55.680] And so the answer is now I have all the tools and I can be a support system
[01:00:56.480 -> 01:00:58.680] But I do it in a very boundaried way
[01:00:59.360 -> 01:01:01.240] Because it sounds very much like you know
[01:01:01.240 -> 01:01:05.080] The adult child relationship that it sounds like previously for all the right intentions that you you know, the adult child relationship, that it sounds like previously,
[01:01:05.080 -> 01:01:06.560] for all the right intentions,
[01:01:06.560 -> 01:01:09.880] that you've almost had the adult parent relationship
[01:01:09.880 -> 01:01:12.380] with your team, and what you're advocating is
[01:01:12.380 -> 01:01:16.280] that the best teams have the adult to adult relationship
[01:01:16.280 -> 01:01:17.600] where you can help each other.
[01:01:17.600 -> 01:01:19.360] Is that an accurate reading of it?
[01:01:19.360 -> 01:01:22.280] Yes, really self to self, resources to resources.
[01:01:22.280 -> 01:01:25.820] You know, when I say it's adult resource to self,
[01:01:25.820 -> 01:01:28.020] is who you bring to the table at work.
[01:01:28.020 -> 01:01:29.900] And that's why we practice self-led leadership,
[01:01:29.900 -> 01:01:32.740] which is this IFS model, and I'm developing it.
[01:01:32.740 -> 01:01:35.140] I'll write a book about it for you guys.
[01:01:35.140 -> 01:01:40.140] And it really emphasizes this showing up to work
[01:01:40.940 -> 01:01:44.460] with your adult resources, not with your child parts.
[01:01:44.460 -> 01:01:47.280] And for a team
[01:01:47.280 -> 01:01:52.000] leader that really means having clear boundaries that means that you've done
[01:01:52.000 -> 01:01:55.760] the work on yourself. And it's a good reminder isn't it Gabby that um we have
[01:01:55.760 -> 01:02:00.200] to accept that we're constantly changing and growing and we have to look at the
[01:02:00.200 -> 01:02:03.240] people around us all the time and really think whether they're changing and
[01:02:03.240 -> 01:02:07.780] growing with us. What advice would you give to our listeners for just assessing the team around
[01:02:07.780 -> 01:02:11.540] them and the people in their lives? It doesn't have to be a work team, it can be friendship
[01:02:11.540 -> 01:02:15.340] groups and things just to make sure that the energy is right for them at the time when
[01:02:15.340 -> 01:02:16.340] they need it.
[01:02:16.340 -> 01:02:19.580] Well, I think when it comes to work, often we might work with somebody for many years
[01:02:19.580 -> 01:02:26.160] because they're providing a service and an energetic, that's good for that time.
[01:02:26.160 -> 01:02:29.100] And then you can grow, and when you grow,
[01:02:29.100 -> 01:02:31.540] it's often, regardless of the energy,
[01:02:31.540 -> 01:02:34.600] it's often that the skill set is outgrown
[01:02:34.600 -> 01:02:35.860] because the team needs something new.
[01:02:35.860 -> 01:02:37.940] So that's one thing to look at from a business perspective.
[01:02:37.940 -> 01:02:41.060] And then from a friendship or relationship perspective,
[01:02:41.060 -> 01:02:44.020] I think that typically when one person's doing,
[01:02:44.020 -> 01:02:45.560] so typically two people meet
[01:02:45.560 -> 01:02:48.680] in relationship, in romantic relationship, in career,
[01:02:48.680 -> 01:02:51.820] when one person's unhealed parts match
[01:02:51.820 -> 01:02:53.040] the other person's unhealed parts,
[01:02:53.040 -> 01:02:55.200] and they come together to feel some sense of wholeness.
[01:02:55.200 -> 01:02:58.720] And when one of those people starts to do some inner work
[01:02:58.720 -> 01:03:02.120] and starts to heal some of those wounds,
[01:03:02.120 -> 01:03:05.720] they're no longer a match for that other person.
[01:03:05.720 -> 01:03:09.440] And so that's romantic, that's career, that's everything, friendship.
[01:03:09.440 -> 01:03:12.120] And so when they're no longer a match, it starts to feel a lot of resistance.
[01:03:12.120 -> 01:03:13.120] It feels like a distance.
[01:03:13.120 -> 01:03:16.300] It feels there's a, you know, some major shifts.
[01:03:16.300 -> 01:03:20.340] And that's usually a moment when you know it's time to move on.
[01:03:20.340 -> 01:03:21.340] Such good advice.
[01:03:21.340 -> 01:03:25.520] Gabby, we always have a quickfire round towards the end of our podcast
[01:03:30.820 -> 01:03:31.760] um, and one of the questions we ask often and people seem to really enjoy it is the three non-negotiables
[01:03:36.560 -> 01:03:38.560] In your life that that you really stand by and that the people around you have to buy into and I think it ties in Really nicely with the conversation that we're having now
[01:03:39.040 -> 01:03:41.760] Um, what would you describe as your three?
[01:03:42.860 -> 01:03:44.160] non-negotiables
[01:03:44.160 -> 01:03:45.060] sleep good sleep authentic truth Describe as your three non-negotiables sleep
[01:03:45.320 -> 01:03:47.320] good sleep
[01:03:47.320 -> 01:03:48.800] authentic truth
[01:03:48.800 -> 01:03:50.800] Live and lead from that self-energy
[01:03:51.360 -> 01:03:56.440] If you could go back to one moment in your life, what would it be and why I would go back?
[01:03:57.240 -> 01:03:58.520] to the
[01:03:58.520 -> 01:04:00.520] Girl who is strung out
[01:04:00.920 -> 01:04:03.200] in her apartment hung over from the night before
[01:04:04.400 -> 01:04:09.080] and I would sit with her and hold
[01:04:09.080 -> 01:04:17.800] her I would tell her it's all gonna be okay you can know that I'm with you
[01:04:17.800 -> 01:04:23.480] thank you for sharing that I think um you know sometimes Gabby with we're so
[01:04:23.480 -> 01:04:26.740] tempted to go back to those difficult times because we think it'll be great
[01:04:26.740 -> 01:04:30.120] I can help provide some reassurance or some healing to a former me
[01:04:30.120 -> 01:04:33.880] I think before we wrap up this episode it is important
[01:04:33.880 -> 01:04:39.020] I think to share the message with people who might be having a difficult time at the moment that in the future
[01:04:39.200 -> 01:04:42.080] They will hopefully realize that just because something is hard for us
[01:04:42.440 -> 01:04:48.900] It doesn't necessarily mean it's bad for us and that there is incredible learning in those in those difficult times. I
[01:04:50.140 -> 01:04:53.940] Would say that the tough stuff reveals to us
[01:04:54.760 -> 01:04:56.760] what we can
[01:04:56.760 -> 01:04:58.760] resolve and heal and
[01:04:58.800 -> 01:05:00.840] That's the greatest form of up leveling
[01:05:01.720 -> 01:05:05.580] Nice the next question Gabby on a quick fire round is
[01:05:06.340 -> 01:05:12.600] One podcast or one book that you would recommend to our audience. It can be one of yours obviously
[01:05:12.600 -> 01:05:16.960] But if there's something that you've heard seen or read that really changed things for you. We'd love to hear it
[01:05:17.240 -> 01:05:19.240] the book would be a
[01:05:19.440 -> 01:05:26.440] The mind body prescription by dr. Sarto nice and what advice would you give to a teenage Gabby just starting out?
[01:05:26.440 -> 01:05:28.440] I would say to her
[01:05:30.200 -> 01:05:32.200] Keep turning inward
[01:05:32.600 -> 01:05:38.980] Lovely and I final question and this is kind of your one last message really for the listeners to the high-performance podcast
[01:05:39.640 -> 01:05:44.960] What would you say is your one golden rule Gabby for living a high-performance life?
[01:05:44.980 -> 01:05:45.840] What would you say is your one golden rule Gabby for living a high-performance life?
[01:05:48.160 -> 01:05:48.840] Compassionately caring for myself. It's great
[01:05:53.160 -> 01:05:57.920] Listen, it's been so lovely to sit and chat for a good hour about all these things I think that um, you know, a lot of people are still on a journey where they think that
[01:05:58.520 -> 01:06:03.360] Caring for themselves first is selfish. Hmm where they think that talking about
[01:06:04.200 -> 01:06:06.720] difficult traumas or looking back into their past and
[01:06:07.720 -> 01:06:12.680] Being vulnerable is a weakness and I think that it's time to explain to people that actually
[01:06:13.560 -> 01:06:15.240] vulnerability is a
[01:06:15.240 -> 01:06:17.360] It's a strength and a power and to go there
[01:06:17.360 -> 01:06:22.860] You have to be incredibly courageous and that putting yourself first is the absolute opposite of being selfish
[01:06:22.860 -> 01:06:26.960] It's it's totally selfless because it's the best thing to do for the people around us. I'd like to
[01:06:26.960 -> 01:06:30.260] actually close then with this this reading something. Do you guys have a
[01:06:30.260 -> 01:06:33.720] moment? Sure. This is the introduction of the book. I'm just gonna read a few
[01:06:33.720 -> 01:06:38.440] paragraphs because it really speaks to what you just said. Introduction. The
[01:06:38.440 -> 01:06:43.840] truth about this book. We're anxious for you Gabby, said my publisher after
[01:06:43.840 -> 01:06:45.480] reading the first pass of the manuscript
[01:06:46.000 -> 01:06:51.600] It feels too vulnerable. They continued you're revealing one difficult moment after the next
[01:06:52.200 -> 01:06:54.200] You're not showing your true strength
[01:06:55.540 -> 01:07:01.080] My ability to be this vulnerable is my true strength. I responded
[01:07:02.440 -> 01:07:09.560] Brilliant. there you go. Well, I hope that it's a conversation that helps people to find that strength to look inwards to
[01:07:09.800 -> 01:07:15.480] Work on themselves to understand that some of the hard stuff could also in the end be some of the good stuff Gabby
[01:07:15.480 -> 01:07:17.480] Thank you so much for joining us on the podcast
[01:07:20.720 -> 01:07:28.400] Damien Jake, I think um, I think there's some really interesting stuff for our audience in that and I think that it's kind of Damian. Jake. Rwy'n credu bod yna rhai pethau ddiddorol iawn i'n cymuned ynglyn â hynny ac rwy'n credu bod
[01:07:28.400 -> 01:07:34.320] yna ddiddorol iawn i ni fod yn ychydig yn cynnigol am y rhanau y mae Gabby yn ymwneud â nhw,
[01:07:34.320 -> 01:07:39.520] oherwydd rwy'n credu, drwy bod yn cynnigol, rydych chi'n gofyn y cwestiynau a bydd y bobl yn
[01:07:39.520 -> 01:07:46.080] clywed at y podcast hon yn gofyn ac efallai y bydd y bobl sy'n clywed y podcast hwn yn cael y cyfansodau y byddent amdanyn nhw.
[01:07:46.080 -> 01:08:08.000] Ie, ac eto, rwy'n credu ein bod yn fwy effeithiol i fod yn sceptig.
[01:08:08.000 -> 01:08:13.000] Mae cynig yn dod ati o'r pwynt o'r ystod ei fod yn ddiddorol, ac rwy'n eisiau cyflawni pam mae'n ddiddorol.
[01:08:13.000 -> 01:08:18.000] Mae'r sceptig yn dweud, dwi ddim yn siŵr, ond rwy'n agor y gofyn o fod wedi cael ei hygyrchu er athro.
[01:08:18.000 -> 01:08:25.000] Ac rwy'n credu rhai o'r pethau sy'n fy nghymryd yn ychydigdrechion, neu'n ymdrechion.
[01:08:25.000 -> 01:08:31.000] Er enghraifft, nid oeddwn i'n ymddangos y sefydliadau a'r profiadau o'r ymdrechion yn y blwyddyn.
[01:08:31.000 -> 01:08:36.000] Mae'n trauma, ond rwy'n credu ei fod yn bwysig ein bod yn clywed a'n deall.
[01:08:36.000 -> 01:08:41.000] Ac yr hyn a dweudd Gabby oedd, os ydym yn ei gynnal, mae'n dechrau gadael y pŵer o'i gynnal
[01:08:41.000 -> 01:09:05.480] a'n ein gallu ei ddysgu a'i deall beth mae'n eihaid i ni ddod o'r ffordd i ddweud y peth a ddweud yr hyn a ddweud yr hy to a gold medal winning Olympian or a Premier
[01:09:05.480 -> 01:09:09.800] League winning football manager or a CEO of a billion dollar turnover business and talk
[01:09:09.800 -> 01:09:12.280] about mindset and approach and things.
[01:09:12.280 -> 01:09:16.860] But sometimes a conversation like this, which is a little bit different and definitely challenges
[01:09:16.860 -> 01:09:22.960] our audience, but also basically requires them to have two things, a mindset of exploration,
[01:09:22.960 -> 01:09:27.220] because you have to have that if you haven't gone to the places that Gabby goes to but also a
[01:09:28.040 -> 01:09:32.400] Mindset of empathy. How often do we say that opinion doesn't matter our opinion might be
[01:09:33.000 -> 01:09:38.220] That we don't see the world the same as Gabby does but our empathy should be like well
[01:09:39.200 -> 01:09:42.340] Explore why she feels like that and see what's there for you
[01:09:42.340 -> 01:09:46.080] I think it's a brilliant point you're making Jake and I think and I think at the end of it, you know y byddwn yn teimlo fel hyn ac yn gweld beth sydd ar gael i chi. Rwy'n credu mai dyna'r pwynt ddiddorol rydych chi'n ei wneud, Jake, ac rwy'n credu,
[01:09:46.080 -> 01:09:50.800] ar ddiwedd hwn, rydyn ni wedi dod allan o hyn, yn teimlo'n wirioneddol fwyaf o'i gilydd, ac rwy'n credu
[01:09:50.800 -> 01:09:56.640] mae'n bwysig bod y bobl yn gwybod ein bod ni'n dysgu ar hyn hefyd, ar y swydd, felly dydyn ni ddim yn
[01:09:56.640 -> 01:10:01.120] dod allan i hyn, meddwl ein bod ni'n cael y cyfraith, rydyn ni'n ymdrechu rhai o hyn, ac rydych chi'n gwybod,
[01:10:01.120 -> 01:10:05.920] rhai o'r sylwadau o'r gweith o'r ffyrdd a ddweud amdano, am
[01:10:05.920 -> 01:10:09.120] pwy ddim eisiau bod mewn sefydliad lle rydych chi'n teimlo'n ddangos
[01:10:09.120 -> 01:10:13.760] i siarad, rydych chi'n teimlo eich bod wedi'i weld a chael ei gysylltu a'i gynhyrchu
[01:10:13.760 -> 01:10:17.840] neu'n ymdrechu pan ydych chi'n ymdrech, neu dim ond yn teimlo'n ddiogel
[01:10:17.840 -> 01:10:21.760] nad ydych chi'n mynd i fod yn cael mwynhau neu rhywbeth fel hynny. Rwy'n credu
[01:10:21.760 -> 01:10:26.000] mae hynny'n dysgu pwysig iawn i gyd i ni i gyd os yw'n ein helpu i'r ffordd y byddwn ni'n ei ddweud. Mae'n ddiddorol iawn i ni, ond mae'n ddiddorol iawn i ni,
[01:10:26.000 -> 01:10:28.000] ac mae'n ddiddorol iawn i ni,
[01:10:28.000 -> 01:10:30.000] i ni, i'r cyhoedd,
[01:10:30.000 -> 01:10:32.000] i'r cyhoedd,
[01:10:32.000 -> 01:10:34.000] i'r cyhoedd,
[01:10:34.000 -> 01:10:36.000] i'r cyhoedd,
[01:10:36.000 -> 01:10:38.000] i'r cyhoedd,
[01:10:38.000 -> 01:10:40.000] i'r cyhoedd,
[01:10:40.000 -> 01:10:42.000] i'r cyhoedd,
[01:10:42.000 -> 01:10:44.000] i'r cyhoedd,
[01:10:44.000 -> 01:10:46.000] i'r cyhoedd, i'r cyhoedd, a gweithio ar y seth. Iawn, a gaf i chi ddweud eich cyfrifiad o bawb sy'n gwrthod eich cyfnod? Oherwydd pawb gwybod rhywbeth dydych chi ddim.
[01:10:46.000 -> 01:10:48.000] Ac yn siŵr, gydag Gabby gwybod llawer.
[01:10:48.000 -> 01:10:50.000] Felly roedd yn ddiddorol i ddewis ymlaen.
[01:10:50.000 -> 01:10:52.000] Hwyl i Damian.
[01:10:52.000 -> 01:10:54.000] Iawn, diolch Jake.
[01:10:54.000 -> 01:10:56.000] Dwi'n credu os yw Oprah Winfrey yn ysgrifennu i chi
[01:10:56.000 -> 01:10:58.000] fel gyrfa ar gyfer y nesaf,
[01:10:58.000 -> 01:11:00.000] dwi'n credu ein bod ni'n gyda'n dda.
[01:11:00.000 -> 01:11:02.000] Dyma'r rhan o'r show
[01:11:02.000 -> 01:11:04.000] lle gallwn ni sgwrsio ag unrhywun
[01:11:04.000 -> 01:11:06.540] sydd wedi clywed y cyfleoedd ac mae'n dweud i ni sut a pha mae'n effeithio ar eu bywydau. speak to someone who has listened to high performance and they tell us how and why it's impacted their life but we're joined by someone today that
[01:11:06.540 -> 01:11:09.360] hasn't just listened and been impacted by high performance they've taken the
[01:11:09.360 -> 01:11:12.840] impact and the learning and are spreading it out to thousands and
[01:11:12.840 -> 01:11:18.360] thousands of people. Stephen Logan is a dad but he's also a school leader and he
[01:11:18.360 -> 01:11:22.360] works with National Careers Week and for the very first time we've created a
[01:11:22.360 -> 01:11:28.840] National Careers Week package for people to access. So if you're a teacher you can get it for free, you can
[01:11:28.840 -> 01:11:33.800] empower positive change through careers education using the conversations on
[01:11:33.800 -> 01:11:38.240] high-performance with the National Careers Week and let's find out what the
[01:11:38.240 -> 01:11:41.120] reaction has been like and let's kind of unpick how this has all come about
[01:11:41.120 -> 01:11:43.600] because Stephen's with us now. Nice to have you with us Stephen.
[01:11:43.600 -> 01:11:48.880] Stephen Rees Yeah thanks Damian and Jake. Just a great opportunity really to, I suppose as a school
[01:11:48.880 -> 01:11:53.600] leader we've been leading through some very, very challenging times. And I suppose as an
[01:11:53.600 -> 01:11:58.120] individual, the podcast has impacted on me as a person, as a leader, to be able for me
[01:11:58.120 -> 01:12:04.120] to really to, you know, effectively do my role. But it came to me on a run, which I
[01:12:04.120 -> 01:12:06.480] like to do as part of my routine and habit.
[01:12:06.480 -> 01:12:08.580] I just thought, well, some of these key messages,
[01:12:08.580 -> 01:12:09.640] what about young people?
[01:12:09.640 -> 01:12:12.480] Because we need some positivity.
[01:12:12.480 -> 01:12:14.280] We need opportunity for them.
[01:12:14.280 -> 01:12:17.000] And some of the key messages on the podcast
[01:12:17.000 -> 01:12:19.000] are incredible, are inspirational.
[01:12:19.000 -> 01:12:20.440] And I thought, how could we,
[01:12:20.440 -> 01:12:22.320] and you talked about it as well,
[01:12:22.320 -> 01:12:24.800] where schools are involved and you've been constantly asked,
[01:12:24.800 -> 01:12:28.600] and I thought, maybe we could help you with that. So that's how we kind of, I got in contact
[01:12:28.600 -> 01:12:33.960] with Hannah, who's amazing by the way, and we just obviously, it went from there.
[01:12:33.960 -> 01:12:34.960] And how's the reaction been?
[01:12:34.960 -> 01:12:39.960] The reaction's been incredible. I know it's been downloaded a number of times, there's
[01:12:39.960 -> 01:12:46.000] lots and lots of shares on social media. So it's National Careers Week this week, so please ac mae llawer o farchnau ar y cyfansodau cymdeithasol. Felly mae'n Dydd Iawn Cymru ym mis hwn, felly, dweud wrth i chi, gysylltai â'r hashtag
[01:12:46.000 -> 01:12:48.000] NCW2022
[01:12:48.000 -> 01:12:50.000] i ddod yn rhanbarth
[01:12:50.000 -> 01:12:52.000] a chyfathrebu pobl ifanc, ac dyna'r hyn
[01:12:52.000 -> 01:12:54.000] rydym wedi'i wneud gyda'r podcast High Performance.
[01:12:54.000 -> 01:12:56.000] Rydym wedi rhoi ymgeisydd o
[01:12:56.000 -> 01:12:58.000] gysylltiadau i
[01:12:58.000 -> 01:13:00.000] helpu pobl ifanc
[01:13:00.000 -> 01:13:02.000] i ymgyrchu nhw, ac yn wir,
[01:13:02.000 -> 01:13:04.000] rydych chi'n gwybod eich bobl ifanc,
[01:13:04.000 -> 01:13:06.600] rydych chi'n gwybod y bobl ifanc rydych chi'n gweithio gyda yn ysgol neu'r coleg, to inspire them and really, you know, you know your young people, you know the young people you're working with in a school
[01:13:06.600 -> 01:13:10.660] or a college or a university or whatever setting,
[01:13:10.660 -> 01:13:13.540] you know, education happens, you know, parents as well.
[01:13:13.540 -> 01:13:15.700] Just use it, it's there to be used,
[01:13:15.700 -> 01:13:17.140] it's there to be downloaded.
[01:13:17.140 -> 01:13:18.120] And it's not about us,
[01:13:18.120 -> 01:13:19.620] because the theme in our careers week,
[01:13:19.620 -> 01:13:21.820] and I'm sure the values of the High Performance Podcast,
[01:13:21.820 -> 01:13:24.440] it's about you as an individual and empowering people
[01:13:24.440 -> 01:13:25.840] to make that change and to go and chase their own high performance. o'r podcast High Performance, mae'n ymwneud â chi fel unigol a chyflwyno pobl i wneud y newid hwnnw a mynd i
[01:13:25.840 -> 01:13:31.120] ymchwil ar eu hunain High Performance. Felly, yw'r un gwybodaeth arbennig, os ydych chi'n gallu dynnu un gwybodaeth
[01:13:31.120 -> 01:13:37.600] o'r holl gofynion rydych chi wedi clywed, Stephen, pa fyddai eich bod chi eisiau ei ddod o hyd i'r nesaf?
[01:13:37.600 -> 01:13:42.240] Rwy'n credu yw'r un sy'n wirioneddol i mi yw Rick Lewis. Rick Lewis,
[01:13:42.240 -> 01:13:49.680] un enwedig anhygoel, os gwelwch yn dda. Oherwydd mae'n siarad am, mae llawer o bobl yn Rick Lewis, Rick Lewis, just an incredible episode. Please, please check it out because he talks about a lot of people default to just looking
[01:13:49.680 -> 01:13:51.560] rather than doing.
[01:13:51.560 -> 01:13:54.720] And that whole concept of, am I just scrolling around?
[01:13:54.720 -> 01:13:55.720] Am I creating?
[01:13:55.720 -> 01:13:56.720] Am I helping someone?
[01:13:56.720 -> 01:14:09.000] I'm going to mention one other because it's, maybe it's the Irish in me, but Paul McGinley and that whole landscape of success and the importance of team and
[01:14:09.000 -> 01:14:13.040] behind the High Performance Podcast, behind the National Careers Week, there's a team
[01:14:13.040 -> 01:14:19.440] of people who are high performance. So how can we all team up to help young people and
[01:14:19.440 -> 01:14:23.520] inspire them through this great content? So I suppose there's two that I've mentioned
[01:14:23.520 -> 01:14:26.560] there, but honestly, that is such a difficult question
[01:14:26.560 -> 01:14:29.560] because there is inspiration in every aspect
[01:14:29.560 -> 01:14:31.920] of those podcasts that are out there.
[01:14:31.920 -> 01:14:34.440] Why do you think then it's had such an impact
[01:14:34.440 -> 01:14:35.440] in the teaching profession?
[01:14:35.440 -> 01:14:37.120] Because we get messages on Instagram
[01:14:37.120 -> 01:14:39.000] from Premier League footballers saying,
[01:14:39.000 -> 01:14:40.600] this is getting passed around in the dressing room
[01:14:40.600 -> 01:14:41.520] and everyone loves it.
[01:14:41.520 -> 01:14:43.320] The next message would be from a teacher saying,
[01:14:43.320 -> 01:14:45.240] this is getting passed around in the staff room and everybody loves it. The next message would be from a teacher saying, this is getting passed around in the staff room
[01:14:45.240 -> 01:14:46.480] and everybody loves it.
[01:14:46.480 -> 01:14:48.640] There seems to be a real parallel between elite sport
[01:14:48.640 -> 01:14:51.080] and teaching when it comes to our podcast.
[01:14:51.080 -> 01:14:53.160] I think it resonates because it's current.
[01:14:53.160 -> 01:14:54.240] I think it's relevant.
[01:14:54.240 -> 01:14:56.880] I think also as well that it's actually,
[01:14:56.880 -> 01:14:58.960] there's this misconception that high performance
[01:14:58.960 -> 01:15:00.760] is absolutely flog yourself to guts.
[01:15:00.760 -> 01:15:04.000] And, you know, it's about working hard all of the time.
[01:15:04.000 -> 01:15:06.520] When you listen to the podcast, it's actually not about that.
[01:15:06.520 -> 01:15:07.400] It's about balance.
[01:15:07.400 -> 01:15:08.800] It's about finding your passion.
[01:15:09.000 -> 01:15:11.320] It's about sharing their career journeys.
[01:15:11.520 -> 01:15:15.400] And another common misconception is that high performance equals success all
[01:15:15.600 -> 01:15:18.160] of the time and actually it's about celebrating failure.
[01:15:18.360 -> 01:15:22.240] And I think it's important we pass that message on to young people because having
[01:15:22.440 -> 01:15:26.560] the courage to put yourself out there to, you know, to go
[01:15:26.560 -> 01:15:32.320] at something, to go all in and to possibly feel it's okay. It's a really good point. You know,
[01:15:32.320 -> 01:15:35.760] I love the fact we're having these conversations, Damien, because I'm telling you now,
[01:15:35.760 -> 01:15:40.080] 30 years ago when I was at school, it was do your homework in the way that we've told you
[01:15:40.080 -> 01:15:45.760] in the time period that you've been given, we'll mark it and then off you go again. There was no conversation,
[01:15:45.760 -> 01:15:47.040] I don't know what it was like in your school, Damian,
[01:15:47.040 -> 01:15:50.160] no conversation about mindset, non-negotiables
[01:15:50.160 -> 01:15:53.040] and all the sort of golden stuff that we discuss.
[01:15:53.040 -> 01:15:55.920] No, I mean, it often surprises me
[01:15:55.920 -> 01:15:58.560] that I've been out of the education system
[01:15:59.360 -> 01:16:02.320] as a student for over 30 odd years now
[01:16:02.320 -> 01:16:05.280] and the quantum leaps in terms of these conversations just really delight me. o ran y cyfrifiadau hyn, mae'n ddilys i mi, rwy'n credu, rwy'n credu, weithiau,
[01:16:05.280 -> 01:16:09.440] chi'n gwybod, fel y clip Robin Van Percy, Stephen, a oedd yn mynd yn y ffyrdd,
[01:16:09.440 -> 01:16:12.800] y cyfrifiad gyda'i son, ac rwy'n ymdrechu am ddau blynedd ar
[01:16:12.800 -> 01:16:16.480] pam yw hynny wedi mynd i lawr mor dynol gyda phobl, ac rwy'n credu,
[01:16:16.480 -> 01:16:20.480] mae'n ymdrech y byddwn i'n gobeithio ei fod gennym, neu byddai rhywun yn ei gael gyda ni
[01:16:20.480 -> 01:16:24.640] pan oeddwn yn myfyrwyr, ac rwy'n credu, y ffaith bod chi a'ch cwmnioedd
[01:16:24.640 -> 01:16:28.840] a'r cyfrifiadau hynny yn y ffyrdd, yn y ffyrdd, yn y ffyrdd, with people. And I think it's the kind of conversation we all wish would have had, or somebody would have had with us when we were kids. And I think the fact that you and your
[01:16:28.840 -> 01:16:34.040] colleagues and the wider teaching community are actually having that conversation is the
[01:16:34.040 -> 01:16:40.600] bit that I think gives me such optimism for the future and for the next generation. You
[01:16:40.600 -> 01:16:43.880] guys are dealers in hope, as Napoleon said.
[01:16:43.880 -> 01:16:45.400] What a lovely way to end.
[01:16:45.400 -> 01:16:47.120] Dealers in hope, that's a great line.
[01:16:47.120 -> 01:16:48.120] Absolutely brilliant.
[01:16:48.120 -> 01:16:49.720] Yeah, totally agree with that.
[01:16:49.720 -> 01:16:54.440] And there's some amazing work that goes on in schools and just really, just a final plug,
[01:16:54.440 -> 01:16:56.800] just use it and it's there to be used.
[01:16:56.800 -> 01:16:58.240] And if you've got an idea, get in touch.
[01:16:58.240 -> 01:17:02.480] We can, we can, we can edit, we can change, we can, we can grow it and you can use it
[01:17:02.480 -> 01:17:03.480] beyond the week.
[01:17:03.480 -> 01:17:04.480] It's not just about a week.
[01:17:04.480 -> 01:17:10.600] You can use that at any point. So just please just use it and inspire the young people. Thank you so much Steven and listen
[01:17:10.600 -> 01:17:18.120] Let's just be absolutely Frank. It's there. It's free. It's engaging. It's compelling and you can find it by going to the high-performance podcast
[01:17:18.560 -> 01:17:20.280] dot-com
[01:17:20.280 -> 01:17:29.380] Education and what was the hashtag again on Twitter Steven for people to talk about it and share it? NCW2020. Brilliant. Look thank you so much for
[01:17:29.380 -> 01:17:32.680] taking the time to chat with us thank you for engaging us and coming to us and
[01:17:32.680 -> 01:17:36.680] you know this bit a really lovely partnership and it's just the very
[01:17:36.680 -> 01:17:40.840] beginning which is also really exciting.
[01:17:41.080 -> 01:17:45.480] Brilliant lovely to speak to Stephen and always great to hear from all of you at home.
[01:17:45.480 -> 01:17:50.360] We've had lots of responses from the Anthony Taylor episode. Tim said, what a great podcast,
[01:17:50.360 -> 01:17:55.080] a really powerful perspective from the referee. I love the comments around grassroots behaviour.
[01:17:55.080 -> 01:17:59.280] Let's hope it causes some reflection. I listened to the Anthony Taylor podcast this morning.
[01:17:59.280 -> 01:18:03.120] I run a Facebook group called The Close Call, which provides officials with a voice. We've
[01:18:03.120 -> 01:18:06.360] inspired officials from around the globe to identify what the gold standard
[01:18:06.360 -> 01:18:10.440] of officiating is and whilst our page is predominantly cricket umpires we've
[01:18:10.440 -> 01:18:14.320] been inundated with requests from referees from around the world.
[01:18:14.320 -> 01:18:18.600] And finally yesterday I shared your podcast with Anthony Taylor, you hit the nail on
[01:18:18.600 -> 01:18:22.720] the head where you said officials need a voice, they need a beacon to share best
[01:18:22.720 -> 01:18:25.360] practice irrespective of what official you are,
[01:18:25.360 -> 01:18:28.880] we can all learn from each other. It was an interesting conversation that day,
[01:18:28.880 -> 01:18:33.600] I mean, and I think that the overwhelming response from people is, Anthony Taylor spoke brilliantly,
[01:18:33.600 -> 01:18:37.680] Anthony Taylor had some great answers, Anthony Taylor changed my opinion of refereeing,
[01:18:37.680 -> 01:18:42.960] please let me hear from referees more often. It feels to me like they trusted him to come on our
[01:18:42.960 -> 01:18:47.400] podcast, they now have to trust their referees to speak to the media at some point, don't they?
[01:18:47.920 -> 01:18:54.760] We said it when we were talking to Anthony, that just humanising people and giving them a sense that they're just like me and you.
[01:18:54.760 -> 01:18:56.080] They're passionate about the game.
[01:18:56.080 -> 01:19:01.840] They're operating under, you know, intense pressure, making split-second decisions.
[01:19:01.920 -> 01:19:06.720] And if we understand that they're humans like us, they make mistakes like we all do,
[01:19:06.720 -> 01:19:09.440] I think it hopefully leads to greater tolerance,
[01:19:09.440 -> 01:19:10.760] whether that's at the elite level
[01:19:10.760 -> 01:19:11.920] that Anthony's operating at,
[01:19:11.920 -> 01:19:15.920] or like one of the listeners just said there,
[01:19:15.920 -> 01:19:18.160] actually a grassroots level where,
[01:19:18.160 -> 01:19:19.960] like when Anthony said to us about,
[01:19:19.960 -> 01:19:23.280] in what walk of life would an adult feel acceptable
[01:19:23.280 -> 01:19:26.800] to shout and abuse a 14, 15, 16 year old kid
[01:19:26.800 -> 01:19:33.440] that's out there refereeing a game? I mean, the thought is just intolerable to me. So
[01:19:33.440 -> 01:19:37.680] hopefully it does shift the dial a little bit in terms of making people reflect on
[01:19:37.680 -> 01:19:42.720] how we view our officials, because there's no game without them. There's no sport that can
[01:19:42.720 -> 01:19:46.400] take place unless we have people willing to step up and do their job. Nid yw'r chwarae wahanol, nid yw'r sport sy'n gallu digwydd unwaith na fydd gennym bobl sy'n ddysgu i ddod i mewn a gwneud eu swydd.
[01:19:47.120 -> 01:19:48.640] Yn agos iawn, yn siŵr.
[01:19:49.360 -> 01:19:51.280] Mae'n ddod o'r llwybr da o Joanne,
[01:19:51.280 -> 01:19:54.320] diolch i bawb sydd wedi dod i weld ni, ar y tour cyffredinol.
[01:19:54.320 -> 01:19:57.360] Rydyn ni wedi gysylltu â'r tour yn y 02 Indigo,
[01:19:57.360 -> 01:19:58.560] ychydig dyddiau yn ôl.
[01:19:58.560 -> 01:19:59.840] Ac yn enwedig, Joanne,
[01:19:59.840 -> 01:20:02.240] o ran yr hyn rydw i wedi ei gyrraedd o'ch rhaglen byw,
[01:20:02.240 -> 01:20:04.960] yn gyntaf, y cyfathrebu am y sefyllfa yng Nghymru.
[01:20:04.960 -> 01:20:08.840] Yn ail, ymsefydliad â'ch teuluoedd a'u hafod. In order of what I took away from your live show, first of all the acknowledgement of the situation in Ukraine, second sitting behind your families and seeing their pride, thirdly
[01:20:08.840 -> 01:20:13.160] the generosity in offering high performance lessons to us all, number four she took away
[01:20:13.160 -> 01:20:16.320] the reflections that would help her, but the final one she said the buzz I got from being
[01:20:16.320 -> 01:20:19.560] able to start to share the reflections with my team.
[01:20:19.560 -> 01:20:22.960] And that's the key thing Damien, it's all very well us standing in a theatre talking
[01:20:22.960 -> 01:20:26.240] to a couple of thousand people, but it's when those couple of thousand people
[01:20:26.240 -> 01:20:28.200] each speak to six or seven individuals,
[01:20:28.200 -> 01:20:31.220] that's when the impact of the lessons on high performance
[01:20:31.220 -> 01:20:32.580] get really interesting, isn't it?
[01:20:32.580 -> 01:20:33.420] Yeah, definitely.
[01:20:33.420 -> 01:20:34.720] I sent out a message today that said,
[01:20:34.720 -> 01:20:37.120] if we work alone, we can achieve relatively little,
[01:20:37.120 -> 01:20:39.600] but working together, we can achieve so much.
[01:20:39.600 -> 01:20:41.280] It's a quote from Helen Keller.
[01:20:41.280 -> 01:20:42.960] And I think just the ripple effects
[01:20:42.960 -> 01:20:44.600] of being in a community of people
[01:20:44.600 -> 01:20:46.600] that want to embrace these lessons,
[01:20:46.600 -> 01:20:49.080] lift each other up and encourage each other
[01:20:49.080 -> 01:20:51.100] is really empowering for all of us.
[01:20:51.100 -> 01:20:53.080] So yeah, thank you, Joanne,
[01:20:53.080 -> 01:20:54.940] and thank you to everyone that came
[01:20:54.940 -> 01:20:58.480] and invested the time to listen and pass it on.
[01:20:58.480 -> 01:21:01.120] And finally a message from Blows on Instagram,
[01:21:01.120 -> 01:21:02.560] who says, I haven't commented before,
[01:21:02.560 -> 01:21:03.920] but today I feel I have to.
[01:21:03.920 -> 01:21:06.460] I realized earlier whilst talking to my 10 year old son
[01:21:06.460 -> 01:21:07.860] that I was quoting things I'd heard
[01:21:07.860 -> 01:21:09.860] on the high performance podcast.
[01:21:09.860 -> 01:21:11.980] Not only that, but over the last 12 to 18 months,
[01:21:11.980 -> 01:21:13.340] my own behavior has changed.
[01:21:13.340 -> 01:21:15.460] Nothing spectacular, just that I've been trying
[01:21:15.460 -> 01:21:17.340] to be a better role model to my children
[01:21:17.340 -> 01:21:19.780] and give them better signposts for their futures.
[01:21:19.780 -> 01:21:21.900] I'm an ex-serving soldier of 22 years.
[01:21:21.900 -> 01:21:25.360] You can maybe imagine how difficult change can be for me.
[01:21:25.360 -> 01:21:29.600] So thanks for your podcast and your dedication. You're helping people all over the world.
[01:21:29.600 -> 01:21:33.560] I'm in Germany. I myself am trying every day to be the best version of me. Keep up
[01:21:33.560 -> 01:21:37.660] the good work. What a nice way to finish. And thank you all so much for continuing to
[01:21:37.660 -> 01:21:41.560] trust us on the High Performance Podcast to bring you lessons that are going to make a
[01:21:41.560 -> 01:21:45.840] big difference in your life. We've got an exciting guest joining us on next week's episode.
[01:21:45.840 -> 01:21:50.040] I'll tell you what, I think, why don't we just leave you with a small snippet of what
[01:21:50.040 -> 01:21:52.960] you can expect next week on the High Performance Podcast.
[01:21:52.960 -> 01:21:53.960] Have a listen to this.
[01:21:53.960 -> 01:22:00.120] I learnt a lot and of course I had good people around me to tell me how to do better and
[01:22:00.120 -> 01:22:02.160] I had to put in the effort to become a better driver.
[01:22:02.160 -> 01:22:05.080] It wasn't like it just came completely naturally to me.
[01:22:05.960 -> 01:22:08.000] Definitely certain elements were natural
[01:22:08.000 -> 01:22:09.880] and I think if you want to be one of the best,
[01:22:09.880 -> 01:22:11.480] you've got to have some knack for a way
[01:22:11.480 -> 01:22:13.840] you can just jump in and be pretty good.
[01:22:13.840 -> 01:22:16.080] But then, especially to be in Formula One,
[01:22:16.080 -> 01:22:17.800] you've got to start next level, you know,
[01:22:17.800 -> 01:22:19.440] what brings you those final hundreds
[01:22:19.440 -> 01:22:21.320] and that final 10th and stuff.
[01:22:22.240 -> 01:22:24.760] And there are hundreds of thousands of people
[01:22:24.760 -> 01:22:25.560] who can
[01:22:25.560 -> 01:22:29.280] drive a car well, you know, and you probably could jump in a car and do a
[01:22:29.280 -> 01:22:33.080] pretty good job straight away, but then those final few little things,
[01:22:33.080 -> 01:22:36.800] that final bit is down to the determination of the driver, how much
[01:22:36.800 -> 01:22:40.200] effort he's willing to put in, the sacrifices he wants to make from such a
[01:22:40.200 -> 01:22:40.960] young age.
[01:22:40.960 -> 01:22:46.140] Amazing. That's Lando Norris, the McLaren Formula One driver,
[01:22:46.140 -> 01:22:47.920] talking in a way that you won't have heard before.
[01:22:47.920 -> 01:22:50.080] So if you want to hear that,
[01:22:50.080 -> 01:22:52.040] I suggest you subscribe right now.
[01:22:52.040 -> 01:22:53.360] It makes a real difference for us
[01:22:53.360 -> 01:22:54.680] if you can hit the subscribe button
[01:22:54.680 -> 01:22:57.360] or you can leave the podcast a review or a rating.
[01:22:57.360 -> 01:22:58.640] That makes a big difference as well
[01:22:58.640 -> 01:23:01.160] because we just simply do this
[01:23:01.160 -> 01:23:03.240] because of the impact it has on your life.
[01:23:03.240 -> 01:23:05.060] Please remember, there is no secret people
[01:23:05.060 -> 01:23:11.420] It's all there for you be your own biggest cheerleader make world-class basics your calling card and remember you deserve them
[01:23:11.640 -> 01:23:41.960] We'll see you next time Why don't more infant formula companies use organic, grass-fed whole milk instead of skim?
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