Podcast: The High Performance
Published Date:
Mon, 14 Feb 2022 01:00:04 GMT
Duration:
1:14:36
Explicit:
False
Guests:
MP3 Audio:
Please note that the summary is generated based on the transcript and may not capture all the nuances or details discussed in the podcast episode.
Pippa Grange is an applied psychologist, culture coach and author. She worked as the Head of People and Team Development at The Football Association until the end of 2019, leaving to focus on “the broadening definition of success and winning in sport, especially for women and girls”. Her most recent book, Fear Less: How to Win at Life Without Losing Yourself, Pippa shares how living with less fear allows us to experience a more fulfilling and passion-filled life.
In this episode Pippa takes us through the different types of fear we experience, where they originate and how to overcome them. She shares her insights into performance culture and how creating a space for people to be vulnerable will encourage them to take risks. Pippa offers practical tips on how to tackle anxiety and shame, whilst exploring ideas of identity, community and the struggle of perfectionism.
You can find Fear Less: How to Win at Life Without Losing Yourself by Pippa Grange here: https://amzn.to/3Ly4ObO
.......
Check out our new limited edition prints in our shop featuring some our favourite messages.
https://shop.thehighperformancepodcast.com/
Just a few tickets left for the LIVE TOUR in Edinburgh with Scotland manager Steve Clarke on Feb 18th!
Buy here: https://sjm.lnk.to/HPPL
And remember to check out our website to join our members club THE HIGH PERFORMANCE CIRCLE where you can get podcasts, keynote speeches and inspirational boosts from some very special expert guests. Just go to www.thehighperformancepodcast.co.uk
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
# Summary of High Performance Podcast with Pippa Grange
## Fear and Its Impact on Performance
* Fear is a natural human response to danger, but it can become a hindrance when it's excessive or irrational.
* Fear can manifest in different ways, including anxiety, shame, and perfectionism.
* Fear can prevent us from taking risks, pursuing our goals, and fully experiencing life.
## The Fear System and Its Development
* The fear system is a primitive part of the brain that is responsible for our fight-or-flight response.
* It is activated quickly and automatically, often before we have time to think about it.
* The fear system is essential for survival, but it can also be triggered by non-threatening situations.
## How Fear Can Be Managed
* It is important to recognize that fear is a normal emotion and that it is okay to feel it.
* However, we can learn to manage our fear so that it doesn't control us.
* Strategies for managing fear include:
* Identifying the source of your fear.
* Challenging your negative thoughts and beliefs.
* Practicing relaxation techniques.
* Building a support system.
* Seeking professional help if necessary.
## Creating a Culture of Safety and Support
* Creating a culture of safety and support is essential for helping people to overcome their fears.
* This means creating an environment where people feel comfortable taking risks, making mistakes, and asking for help.
* It also means providing people with the resources and support they need to succeed.
## The Importance of Soulfulness
* Soulfulness is a sense of aliveness and purpose that comes from living in alignment with our values and passions.
* When we are soulful, we are more likely to be resilient in the face of fear and adversity.
* We are also more likely to experience joy, fulfillment, and success.
## Conclusion
Fear is a powerful emotion that can have a significant impact on our lives. However, it is important to remember that fear is not something that we have to be controlled by. We can learn to manage our fear and to live our lives to the fullest.
## Summary of the Podcast Episode: Fear Less with Pippa Grange ##
**Key Points:**
- Fear is a natural human emotion that can be experienced in different ways and intensities.
- Fear can be categorized into two types: in-the-moment fear and pervasive fear.
- In-the-moment fear is a short-term, situational fear that can be managed with techniques like breathing exercises, visualization, and rationalization.
- Pervasive fear is a long-term, underlying fear that is rooted in our beliefs and values. It can be more challenging to address and may require a change in perspective.
- Shame is considered the deadliest of emotions as it can lead to self-criticism, low self-esteem, and a sense of inadequacy.
- To overcome pervasive fear and shame, it is important to first recognize and acknowledge the fear, understand its source, and then work on replacing the negative beliefs with more positive and empowering ones.
- Building strong relationships and connections with others can help reduce fear and shame, as it provides a sense of belonging and support.
- Authenticity and vulnerability are essential for building genuine connections and fostering a sense of trust and safety within relationships.
- Leaders and coaches can create a culture of vulnerability by modeling it themselves and encouraging others to do the same.
- Fear and anxiety can strip individuals of their individuality and commonality, hindering them from living a life of purpose and joy.
**Additional Insights:**
- Fear can have both positive and negative effects. While it can be a protective mechanism that keeps us safe from danger, it can also be limiting and prevent us from taking risks and pursuing our goals.
- The energy of fear can be channeled and used as a source of motivation and drive.
- Techniques for managing fear and anxiety should be tailored to the individual and the specific situation.
- Building a strong sense of self-awareness and self-acceptance can help individuals better understand and manage their fears.
- Creating a supportive and inclusive environment where individuals feel safe to express themselves and take risks can help reduce fear and anxiety.
**Overall Message:**
Fear is a natural part of life, but it doesn't have to control us. By understanding the different types of fear, recognizing and acknowledging our fears, and developing strategies for managing them, we can live more fulfilling and authentic lives.
# **Podcast Episode Summary: Navigating Fear and Achieving High Performance with Pippa Grange**
In this episode of The High-Performance Podcast, Jake Humphrey and Damian Hughes welcome Pippa Grange, an applied psychologist, culture coach, and author. Pippa shares her insights on the different types of fear we experience, where they originate, and how to overcome them. She also emphasizes the importance of creating a culture of vulnerability and support within teams to encourage risk-taking and innovation.
**Key Points:**
* **Fear is a normal human emotion that can be harnessed for growth and development.** Fear can be a powerful motivator, driving us to take action and avoid danger. However, when fear becomes excessive or irrational, it can become debilitating and prevent us from reaching our full potential.
* **There are three main types of fear: physical, emotional, and social.** Physical fear is the fear of physical harm or pain. Emotional fear is the fear of rejection, failure, or loss. Social fear is the fear of being judged or ridiculed.
* **Fear is often rooted in our past experiences or beliefs.** Negative experiences in childhood, such as abuse or neglect, can lead to the development of deep-seated fears. Limiting beliefs, such as "I'm not good enough" or "I'll never be successful," can also contribute to fear and anxiety.
* **We can overcome fear by challenging our negative thoughts and beliefs, practicing self-compassion, and taking small steps outside of our comfort zone.** It is important to remember that fear is not a sign of weakness. It is a natural response to danger. The key is to learn how to manage fear and use it as a tool for growth.
* **Creating a culture of vulnerability and support within teams is essential for high performance.** When team members feel safe to share their fears and weaknesses, they are more likely to take risks and try new things. This can lead to increased creativity, innovation, and productivity.
* **Leaders play a critical role in creating a culture of vulnerability and support.** Leaders must be willing to share their own fears and weaknesses and create a safe space for others to do the same. They must also be supportive and encouraging, and help team members to develop the skills and confidence they need to overcome their fears.
**Actionable Tips:**
* **Pause and reset:** When you feel fear, take a moment to pause and reset your ego. Ask yourself if you are reacting from a place of fear or from a place of love and care.
* **Remember the love and care:** Remind yourself of the people who love and care about you. This can help to ground you and give you a sense of support.
* **Set boundaries:** Identify the things that you can and cannot control. Let go of the things that you cannot control and focus on the things that you can.
* **Take small steps outside of your comfort zone:** Start by taking small steps outside of your comfort zone. This could involve speaking up in a meeting, asking for help, or trying a new activity.
* **Create a culture of vulnerability and support:** If you are a leader, create a culture of vulnerability and support within your team. Be willing to share your own fears and weaknesses, and create a safe space for others to do the same. Be supportive and encouraging, and help team members to develop the skills and confidence they need to overcome their fears.
**Memorable Quotes:**
* "Fear is a normal human emotion that can be harnessed for growth and development." - Pippa Grange
* "The key is to learn how to manage fear and use it as a tool for growth." - Pippa Grange
* "Creating a culture of vulnerability and support within teams is essential for high performance." - Pippa Grange
* "Leaders play a critical role in creating a culture of vulnerability and support." - Pippa Grange
* "It is important to remember that fear is not a sign of weakness. It is a natural response to danger." - Pippa Grange
## Pippa Grange on Fear, Vulnerability, and High Performance ##
### Fear and Its Impact on Performance ###
- Fear is a natural human emotion that can have a significant impact on performance.
- Fear can manifest in many different ways, from anxiety and nervousness to self-doubt and perfectionism.
- Fear can paralyze us and prevent us from taking risks or trying new things.
- Fear can also lead to burnout and exhaustion.
### Creating a Space for Vulnerability ###
- To overcome fear, we need to create a space for vulnerability.
- Vulnerability is about being open and honest with ourselves and others about our fears and weaknesses.
- When we are vulnerable, we allow ourselves to be seen and heard for who we truly are.
- This can be a difficult and scary thing to do, but it is essential for growth and progress.
### Practical Tips for Tackling Fear and Anxiety ###
- **Identify your fears.** The first step to overcoming fear is to identify what you are afraid of.
- **Challenge your fears.** Once you know what you are afraid of, you can start to challenge those fears.
- **Take small steps.** Don't try to overcome your fears all at once. Start by taking small steps and gradually work your way up to bigger challenges.
- **Seek support.** Don't be afraid to reach out for support from friends, family, or a therapist.
- **Be kind to yourself.** Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you work through your fears.
### Identity, Community, and the Struggle with Perfectionism ###
- Our identity is shaped by our experiences, our relationships, and our culture.
- Community is essential for our well-being and can help us to overcome challenges.
- Perfectionism is a common struggle that can lead to anxiety, depression, and burnout.
- It is important to strive for excellence, but it is also important to be realistic and accept that we will not always be perfect.
### Key Takeaways ###
- Fear is a natural human emotion that can have a significant impact on our performance.
- To overcome fear, we need to create a space for vulnerability and be open and honest with ourselves and others about our fears and weaknesses.
- We can overcome fear by taking small steps, seeking support, and being kind to ourselves.
- Our identity is shaped by our experiences, our relationships, and our culture.
- Community is essential for our well-being and can help us to overcome challenges.
- Perfectionism is a common struggle that can lead to anxiety, depression, and burnout.
- It is important to strive for excellence, but it is also important to be realistic and accept that we will not always be perfect.
[00:00.000 -> 00:06.000] Hey, before we get going, would you like exclusive pod episodes, regular newsletters, discounts from brands we love,
[00:06.000 -> 00:09.760] incredible keynote speeches and uplifting high performance boosts?
[00:09.760 -> 00:15.120] If you'd love that and so much more, then go to thehighperformancepodcast.com,
[00:15.120 -> 00:20.960] join our members club, the High Performance Circle, and you will get access to some amazing content.
[00:20.960 -> 00:30.200] That's thehighperformancepodcast.com to become a member of the high performance circle. This is the high performance podcast I give to you
[00:30.200 -> 00:35.000] every single week for free. This is the show that turns the lived experiences of
[00:35.000 -> 00:38.760] the planet's highest performers into your life lessons. So for the next hour
[00:38.760 -> 00:42.520] just sit back and allow the greatest leaders, thinkers, sports stars,
[00:42.520 -> 00:45.480] entertainers and entrepreneurs on the planet
[00:45.480 -> 00:46.980] to be your teacher.
[00:46.980 -> 00:49.200] Today is a good one.
[00:49.200 -> 00:50.360] Here's what's in store.
[00:51.240 -> 00:52.880] Well, the thing about those fear systems
[00:52.880 -> 00:53.840] that I was telling you about,
[00:53.840 -> 00:56.480] they're fully developed in the unborn child.
[00:56.480 -> 00:59.120] So before, some of the physical attributes
[00:59.120 -> 01:02.000] of a human being are fully functional,
[01:02.000 -> 01:04.560] the fear system's fully functional, right?
[01:04.560 -> 01:05.200] So we're primed
[01:05.200 -> 01:13.000] for fear, we're wired for fear. Fear is a lazy way to motivate. Fear is a
[01:13.000 -> 01:18.040] short-term way to motivate and the cost is too high, you know, because then you're
[01:18.040 -> 01:22.640] walking around with with the terror of doing it next time. You know, so
[01:22.640 -> 01:25.080] relationships take us a while to build
[01:25.080 -> 01:30.680] because we don't actually connect fully as ourselves. You know, there's lots of
[01:30.680 -> 01:35.600] other reasons but I'm honing in on that piece of it. You know, mostly we're
[01:35.600 -> 01:40.700] in some kind of performative mode, some kind of performance when we're in a
[01:40.700 -> 01:45.600] relationship. It can go on for months, it can go on forever in families,
[01:45.600 -> 01:49.800] and you know, where you show only a part of you.
[01:49.800 -> 01:54.800] Soulfulness, a care of the soul, as I think of it,
[01:54.800 -> 01:58.160] is allowing us to be fully human
[01:58.160 -> 02:01.760] in the pursuit of those incredible goals,
[02:01.760 -> 02:06.840] the pursuit of the kind of life that we'd be happy with. If we try
[02:06.840 -> 02:13.040] and make it more pedestrian, colder, more formal, more industrialized, more
[02:13.040 -> 02:17.200] engineered and we leave out that stuff, we're working with half of what a human
[02:17.200 -> 02:21.920] being is and if we want to find real excellence surely we have to work with
[02:21.920 -> 02:26.720] the whole thing. This was a really interesting conversation.
[02:26.720 -> 02:30.640] It's time for us to maybe think about redefining how we see success.
[02:30.640 -> 02:35.320] I think we see success and achievement in a really linear way and we do it the same
[02:35.320 -> 02:36.320] on this podcast.
[02:36.320 -> 02:39.040] You know, sometimes if someone comes on and says, I want the Premier League or I want
[02:39.040 -> 02:42.760] an Olympic gold medal, we can absolutely see the high performance.
[02:42.760 -> 02:44.920] There's no doubting it, there's no questioning it.
[02:44.920 -> 02:46.800] But what about when we get a communicator
[02:46.800 -> 02:48.200] or a business person?
[02:48.200 -> 02:49.200] What about those people?
[02:49.200 -> 02:50.480] How do we define success for them?
[02:50.480 -> 02:52.440] How do you define it in your life?
[02:52.440 -> 02:53.820] How do you work out whether you've had a good
[02:53.820 -> 02:56.280] or a bad day or good or a bad week?
[02:56.280 -> 02:59.360] Maybe the best thinking that we can do is rethinking.
[02:59.360 -> 03:03.160] So welcome to a really fascinating chat with Pippa Grange.
[03:03.160 -> 03:07.480] It may well be that you don't recognise the name and you don't know what she's done. Over the next hour
[03:07.480 -> 03:12.000] though you're going to realize what a smart well-thought-out person she is and
[03:12.000 -> 03:16.680] she has genuinely brilliant learnings for your life. So if you want to get
[03:16.680 -> 03:21.240] closer to high performance stick around for the next hour or so. Our chat with
[03:21.240 -> 03:24.200] Pippa Grange comes next.
[03:24.200 -> 03:45.200] As a person with a very deep voice I'm Ad Chat with Pippa Grange comes next. LinkedIn has the targeting capabilities to help you reach the world's largest professional audience.
[03:45.200 -> 03:49.360] That's right, over 70 million decision makers all in one place.
[03:49.360 -> 03:55.120] All the bigwigs, then mediumwigs, also smallwigs who are on the path to becoming bigwigs.
[03:55.120 -> 03:56.640] Okay, that's enough about wigs.
[03:56.640 -> 04:01.280] LinkedIn ads allows you to focus on getting your B2B message to the right people.
[04:01.280 -> 04:07.040] So, does that mean you should use ads on LinkedIn instead of hiring me, the man with the deepest voice
[04:07.040 -> 04:08.160] in the world?
[04:08.160 -> 04:08.880] Yes.
[04:08.880 -> 04:10.000] Yes, it does.
[04:10.000 -> 04:12.720] Get started today and see why LinkedIn is the place
[04:12.720 -> 04:14.480] to be, to be.
[04:14.480 -> 04:17.760] We'll even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign.
[04:17.760 -> 04:20.880] Go to LinkedIn.com slash results to claim your credit.
[04:20.880 -> 04:23.280] That's LinkedIn.com slash results.
[04:23.280 -> 04:24.400] Terms and conditions apply.
[04:27.780 -> 04:29.940] On our podcast, we love to highlight businesses
[04:29.940 -> 04:31.460] that are doing things a better way
[04:31.460 -> 04:33.420] so you can live a better life.
[04:33.420 -> 04:36.780] And that's why when I found Mint Mobile, I had to share.
[04:36.780 -> 04:38.680] So Mint Mobile ditched retail stores
[04:38.680 -> 04:40.100] and all those overhead costs
[04:40.100 -> 04:42.980] and instead sells their phone plans online
[04:42.980 -> 04:48.880] and passes those savings to you. And for a limited time they're passing on even more savings with a new customer
[04:48.880 -> 04:54.120] offer that cuts all Mint Mobile plans to $15 a month when you purchase a three
[04:54.120 -> 05:02.060] month plan. That's unlimited talk, text and data for $15 a month. And by the way
[05:02.060 -> 05:07.240] the quality of Mint Mobile's wireless service in comparison to providers that we've worked with before
[05:07.600 -> 05:14.080] Is incredible. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with premium wireless plans for 15 bucks a month
[05:14.080 -> 05:20.400] So say bye-bye to your overpriced wireless plans, those jaw-dropping monthly bills, those unexpected overages
[05:20.440 -> 05:27.000] Because all the plans come with unlimited talk and text and high speed data delivered on the nation's largest 5G network.
[05:27.000 -> 05:30.000] Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan,
[05:30.000 -> 05:33.000] bring your phone number along with all your existing contacts.
[05:33.000 -> 05:37.000] So ditch overpriced wireless with Mint Mobile's limited time deal
[05:37.000 -> 05:41.000] and get premium wireless service for just 15 bucks a month.
[05:41.000 -> 06:05.360] To get this new customer offer and your new 3 month unlimited wireless plan If taxes fees and restrictions apply see Mint Mobile for details.
[06:08.080 -> 06:12.400] If we feel we have one key role in bringing you high performance it's
[06:12.400 -> 06:18.000] access. Access to people, access to minds, access to understanding and we believe
[06:18.000 -> 06:23.480] access to today's guest will genuinely help to transform the life that you live.
[06:23.480 -> 06:27.520] You're about to hear from someone who was described as the doctor who transformed?
[06:27.520 -> 06:32.660] The England football team. Well, that's what the papers said, but this person is so much more than just that headline
[06:32.660 -> 06:36.320] She's a lady who wants to transform our definition of winning
[06:36.320 -> 06:41.480] She wants to rewire our relationship with fear and she wants to equip us to be able to tackle shame
[06:41.480 -> 06:45.560] So, how do we do it? Time to find out. It's an absolute pleasure
[06:45.560 -> 06:51.040] to welcome the author of Fearless, how to win your way in work and life, a book that
[06:51.040 -> 06:56.000] was recommended to be by Rangan Chatterjee, no less, from the Feel Better Live More podcast
[06:56.000 -> 06:59.760] when I joined him just recently, he said, you need to talk to Pippa. So here we are
[06:59.760 -> 07:01.280] Pippa, welcome to High Performance.
[07:01.280 -> 07:06.920] Thank you, Jake. That was a that was an introduction
[07:08.440 -> 07:14.640] Let's get straight into it We always start every interview with the same question for our guests and I'm interested to get your take on this bearing in mind your
[07:14.920 -> 07:18.260] Specialism, what do you believe to be high performance?
[07:19.040 -> 07:25.200] And what a great starter question for me high me, high performance is about being able
[07:25.200 -> 07:30.200] to fully live and experience your wins.
[07:30.200 -> 07:34.560] So, or in fact, your failures, your losses.
[07:34.560 -> 07:38.600] So, I think that we're performing at a high level
[07:38.600 -> 07:43.280] when we don't have to be outside of ourselves pretending,
[07:43.280 -> 07:46.060] and we can actually be in the performance
[07:46.060 -> 07:50.620] whatever the outcome and we can choose we can access the performance that's
[07:50.620 -> 07:56.780] available to us and we're not narrowed so much and distracted so much by things
[07:56.780 -> 08:01.540] like fear and anxiety and worrying about not being good enough that we don't even
[08:01.540 -> 08:09.120] experience the journey that we're on. So for me that's a really important underpinning of high performance. I think all the things we
[08:09.120 -> 08:15.000] know about the technical aspects of high performance tick great, but the
[08:15.000 -> 08:20.240] difference for me is when people are actually present and you know in their
[08:20.240 -> 08:24.680] performances rather than having to hang on by the fingernails till it's over or
[08:24.680 -> 08:25.120] just be in yesterday or tomorrow. So before we talk about how people can their performances rather than having to hang on by the fingernails till it's over or just
[08:25.120 -> 08:27.040] be in yesterday or tomorrow.
[08:27.040 -> 08:32.200] So before we talk about how people can hopefully adopt this way of thinking, Pippa, do you
[08:32.200 -> 08:38.880] go through life seeing other people living under these sort of blankets of fear and anxiety
[08:38.880 -> 08:44.200] and self-criticism and you don't have that and you are sort of floating through happily
[08:44.200 -> 08:45.460] looking down on us all thing
[08:45.460 -> 08:46.380] Oh, it's hard for you
[08:46.380 -> 08:48.960] But it's great for me or or even after all the things, you know
[08:48.960 -> 08:52.060] All the research you've done all the books you've written and the people you've spoken to
[08:52.400 -> 08:55.480] Do you still have to work every single day to not be in that place?
[08:56.040 -> 09:01.460] Absolutely. The thing about it is it's not static. You don't one of the mistakes we constantly make
[09:02.320 -> 09:05.300] Is is this sort of idea that life's a self-improvement
[09:05.300 -> 09:09.440] project and we'll get to this state and then it'll all be okay.
[09:09.440 -> 09:10.880] It's never like that.
[09:10.880 -> 09:13.580] It's always dynamic and in flux.
[09:13.580 -> 09:17.880] Something like fear is we respond to fear.
[09:17.880 -> 09:22.360] So there's a circumstance that might come up for you today or for me that makes me feel
[09:22.360 -> 09:26.400] a prick of anxiety about not being good enough. i chi heddiw, neu i mi, sy'n gwneud i mi teimlo ymdrech o anxioedd am ddim bod yn dda enough.
[09:26.400 -> 09:29.200] Y pwysig yw pa mor ffyrdd rydyn ni'n ei roi,
[09:29.200 -> 09:31.760] pa mor ffyrdd ar y tafel a pha mor dda
[09:31.760 -> 09:35.200] yn ein cymryd i ddimio'r volwm hwnnw
[09:35.200 -> 09:37.840] a gwneud yn y ffordd rydyn ni'n fwythfawr i'w wneud.
[09:37.840 -> 09:41.040] Rydyn ni wedi deimlo ymdrech yno, Peppa. Un o'r ffyrdd o ymdrech,
[09:41.040 -> 09:42.560] rydw i wedi clywed chi siarad am hyn o'r blaen,
[09:42.560 -> 09:44.400] yw'r mellyn o'r gwirionedd.
[09:44.400 -> 09:49.440] Fel ein bod ni'n ymdrech i'n gwneud, fel cael ein hoffi, oherwydd dydyn ni ddim yn teimlo bod gennym ddigon o hoff i fynd o gwmpas,
[09:49.440 -> 09:55.280] neu rydyn ni'n ymdrech i roi cyfrifiad, oherwydd dydyn ni ddim yn teimlo bod gennym digon o cyfrifiad i ni.
[09:55.280 -> 09:59.440] Felly, rydyn ni a Jake yn siarad cyn ymdrech hwn o'r ymgysylltu, yn dweud, beth allwn ni wneud?
[09:59.440 -> 10:04.720] Pa gwybodaeth allwch chi i ni, fel ymgysylltuwyr, i wneud hyn yn ymgysylltu'r well mwyaf i chi?
[10:04.720 -> 10:08.740] Dyna'n gwestiwn hefyd. can you give to us as interviewers to make this the best interview possible for you? That's another great question. You know, one thing I notice when I come
[10:08.740 -> 10:14.800] into interviews like this or into sort of any kind of exchange and especially
[10:14.800 -> 10:18.400] when we're talking about high performance is that people are, people
[10:18.400 -> 10:23.240] generally are trying to filter down to the thing, the recipe, the answer, the
[10:23.240 -> 10:26.780] outcome and you know a lot of my work is actually saying,
[10:26.780 -> 10:29.280] can we be brave enough and vulnerable enough
[10:29.280 -> 10:33.500] to not fix, to not know right away?
[10:33.500 -> 10:35.600] Because usually when we get to that fix
[10:35.600 -> 10:38.520] or that sort of quick outcome, we fix the wrong thing
[10:38.520 -> 10:40.680] or we're working in the superficial.
[10:40.680 -> 10:42.560] And what I encourage people to do
[10:42.560 -> 10:44.820] is just ground themselves a little bit,
[10:44.820 -> 10:45.520] breathe a bit longer
[10:46.120 -> 10:52.720] Get a bit deeper and then we're then we're talking about the real stuff. We're talking about the you know, the things that are
[10:53.360 -> 10:56.520] Experiential and embodied and that actually make a difference to us
[10:57.000 -> 11:02.880] most times we've moved on with sort of a you know half a solution and and you know
[11:02.880 -> 11:07.680] So I would say maybe we can try and stay present enough to
[11:07.680 -> 11:12.160] get a bit deeper. Brilliant. One of the challenges then, Pippa, is that we have like, you know,
[11:12.160 -> 11:16.400] let's say this is an hour-long episode, right? We really want to leave people at the end of this
[11:16.400 -> 11:21.200] hour thinking, right, there's genuine help for me that I've picked up in that last hour. So,
[11:21.760 -> 11:26.100] normally at the very end we go, what's your sort of one message for everyone listening to this podcast,
[11:26.100 -> 11:27.100] but let's just do it now.
[11:27.500 -> 11:30.600] Like if we really want to get to the good stuff here and we want to do it in
[11:30.600 -> 11:31.600] the right kind of way.
[11:32.500 -> 11:33.600] How would you like to begin?
[11:33.600 -> 11:36.700] What's the message you would like to share to start this conversation for the
[11:36.700 -> 11:40.000] people listening when it comes to this fear and this anxiety?
[11:40.300 -> 11:47.600] What I would say is that I would like people to understand that they have loads more agency,
[11:47.600 -> 11:54.400] loads more power and control over the amount of space that fear takes up in their life than they think they do.
[11:54.400 -> 12:01.200] But the thing is, most kinds of fear, unless it's a fear you feel when you've driven too quick into a bend
[12:01.200 -> 12:08.960] and you get that immediate sort of adrenaline rush, that will dissipate when the circumstance goes away. ymlaen, a chael y rhwydwaith adrenalyn ar y cyfnod, bydd hynny'n arwain pan fydd y cyfnod yn mynd i mewn, ond mae'r rhai arall o fawr, yn enwedig
[12:08.960 -> 12:13.520] ddim yn dda iawn, yn mynd i mewn ar ei eiliad. Felly nid oes gennym y gallon ni
[12:13.520 -> 12:18.000] wneud rhywbeth amdano, rydyn ni'n ganddi'n hollol
[12:18.000 -> 12:22.320] ymdrech i greu'r math o leoedd psychologol i ni
[12:22.320 -> 12:45.820] mwynhau bywyd a gallwn gysylltu âyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, i gyd, in the moment fair and not good enough fair would you just explain that distinction it all starts in the brain and in our evolution and basically we have two systems what I
[12:45.820 -> 12:49.340] call the old circuitry and the new circuitry in our brains. The old
[12:49.340 -> 12:55.060] circuitry contains the amygdala and the fear response system. That's been there
[12:55.060 -> 13:00.100] forever in our human evolution. It's the thing that helps us survive, it's the
[13:00.100 -> 13:03.980] thing that tells us that there's a threat on the horizon one way or
[13:03.980 -> 13:05.120] another and that
[13:05.120 -> 13:10.680] we need to respond to it quickly. Then at some point in our evolution, we got an upgrade
[13:10.680 -> 13:14.600] and we got a prefrontal cortex that helps us work out the meaning of life and reason
[13:14.600 -> 13:21.400] and be rational and choose and decide, you know, beyond instinct and reactivity and the
[13:21.400 -> 13:26.720] survival mechanism. But basically what happened is that those two things don't
[13:26.720 -> 13:30.900] operate at the same level. Not only did we not get a full upgrade so we could be reasonable
[13:30.900 -> 13:35.520] all the time, they don't operate at the same level and the fear system operates just a
[13:35.520 -> 13:41.840] half second quicker than the frontal cortex, the reason system. And so it's this constant
[13:41.840 -> 13:47.760] battle in us for who's in charge, who's in the driving seat, reason or fear,
[13:47.760 -> 13:55.360] reason or survival drive. So consequently, what has happened over time, those two sort of the
[13:55.360 -> 14:01.360] central fears that have come from that amygdala, which are about being abandoned or dying, there
[14:01.360 -> 14:06.000] are two big fears. We're going to be killed, we're not going to make it, or we're
[14:06.000 -> 14:10.480] going to be abandoned. And in contemporary society, maybe that feels more like we're going to be
[14:10.480 -> 14:18.320] rejected. And so we've got in the moment fear, which I would describe as natural, organic,
[14:18.320 -> 14:24.240] reasonable, definitely needed. If there is a threat, we have to respond, right? We don't want
[14:24.240 -> 14:29.000] to live without fear. That's why it's called fear less, not fearless. You don't want to be
[14:29.000 -> 14:33.920] fearless, we need some, right? But that's in the moment fear. But what's happened
[14:33.920 -> 14:39.280] in our society and in our cultural response to society is that we've got
[14:39.280 -> 14:44.240] really, that abandonment fear has sort of turned into something else. And we've
[14:44.240 -> 14:49.120] got really worried, really anxious, really fearful about not being good enough.
[14:49.120 -> 14:53.520] It's like a contemporary manifestation of being abandoned.
[14:53.520 -> 14:57.520] And so we've got this stuff you need in the moment fear,
[14:57.520 -> 15:00.920] and without it you wouldn't respond adequately to protect yourself,
[15:00.920 -> 15:05.000] you wouldn't predict, you wouldn't see down the road and make a good choice,
[15:05.000 -> 15:10.520] but then we've got this stuff that's totally man-made. It's triggered naturally, but the way
[15:10.520 -> 15:18.120] that we recycle it in our own minds and in our cultures is man-made. It's about avoiding failure,
[15:18.120 -> 15:25.800] it's about never looking bad, it's about not being ostracized, not being shamed. Shamed is the central
[15:25.800 -> 15:32.200] material of that not good enough fear. And you know, it's for me, it is present
[15:32.200 -> 15:37.840] in so many of our lives in a way that is just a thief. It takes all the space for
[15:37.840 -> 15:40.960] other experiences, particularly the positive experiences like joy or
[15:40.960 -> 15:46.080] contentment. And we don't need so much of it and we have got the
[15:46.080 -> 15:49.960] capability to turn that down. I think this is really interesting because I
[15:49.960 -> 15:55.240] think if you start talking about fear people do see it in a certain way I
[15:55.240 -> 15:58.760] don't think they see it fear as well what will my friends think when they
[15:58.760 -> 16:01.960] come around in the house is a mess what will the teacher think when my son or
[16:01.960 -> 16:08.600] daughter goes to school with dirty shoes what will my parents think when I invite them over for a dinner party and the food's not very good and it's only now
[16:08.600 -> 16:10.080] when I start
[16:10.080 -> 16:12.440] Reimagining fear is this kind of daily?
[16:13.080 -> 16:16.640] Shame if you like about letting other people down and letting ourselves down
[16:17.040 -> 16:22.040] That you you get an idea that is I would have said I'm not a fearful person
[16:22.040 -> 16:27.940] I'm now thinking like every single day, I'm doing things purely so that other people
[16:27.940 -> 16:29.980] think I've done a good job on that, you know?
[16:29.980 -> 16:30.820] Right.
[16:30.820 -> 16:33.180] I remember now, I made my daughter's snack today
[16:33.180 -> 16:34.620] and I looked at it and thought,
[16:34.620 -> 16:36.580] well, is the teacher gonna think that's healthy?
[16:36.580 -> 16:39.020] Or are they gonna judge the fact I put hula hoops in there?
[16:39.020 -> 16:40.860] Like, what use is that?
[16:40.860 -> 16:42.860] Well, some of it is useful, right?
[16:42.860 -> 16:47.560] Some of it can orient us towards improvement and achieving a goal
[16:47.560 -> 16:53.880] in life, but a lot of it is just waste material. It needs to go in the bin. It's not helpful. And
[16:53.880 -> 17:01.160] you think how often it actually takes up your time. So, the organic fear, the in-the-moment
[17:01.160 -> 17:07.400] fear, it's actually when something is really threatening you now. Whereas when you're talking y byddai'n ymwneud â'r ffordd y byddai pethau'n ymwneud â'ch ymdrechu chi nawr. Ond pan ydych chi'n siarad am beth y bydd y myfyrwyr yn meddwl,
[17:07.400 -> 17:11.960] neu sut y byddwn ni'n cydnabod rhywbeth sy'n gallu bod yn ychydig yn ymdrech,
[17:11.960 -> 17:14.240] yn ymdrech neu'n anodd,
[17:14.240 -> 17:15.960] ydych chi'n gwybod, rydyn ni bob amser yn y dyfodol,
[17:15.960 -> 17:17.440] neu rydyn ni bob amser yn y byd.
[17:17.440 -> 17:19.080] Nid yw'r pethau hynny'n wir,
[17:19.080 -> 17:21.840] ond maen nhw'n cymryd y mwyaf o'n amser.
[17:21.840 -> 17:25.000] Felly, pan ddechrauodd hyn i ddatblygu?
[17:25.000 -> 17:27.000] Felly, os ydych chi'n meddwl amdano
[17:27.000 -> 17:29.000] i blant, i'r ffordd i
[17:29.000 -> 17:30.000] mynd i'r byd,
[17:30.000 -> 17:32.000] Pip, pan ddechreuodd y gofyn
[17:32.000 -> 17:34.000] o ddim bod yn dda enough i ddechreu
[17:34.000 -> 17:36.000] ac yna ffynyddwch ein
[17:36.000 -> 17:38.000] sylwadau o'r byd?
[17:38.000 -> 17:39.000] Wel, y peth am y systemau gofyn
[17:39.000 -> 17:40.000] rydw i'n ei ddweud o'i gilydd,
[17:40.000 -> 17:41.000] maen nhw'n datblygu
[17:41.000 -> 17:43.000] yn, maen nhw'n datblygu'n gyffredin
[17:43.000 -> 17:44.000] yn y plant anhygoel.
[17:44.000 -> 17:47.920] Felly, cyn i rai o'r atribwydau ffysigol they're fully developed in the unborn child. So before some of the physical attributes of a human
[17:47.920 -> 17:53.920] being are fully functional, the fear system is fully functional, right? So we're primed for fear,
[17:53.920 -> 17:59.640] we're wired for fear, which is why we have to culturally manage it and personally manage it.
[17:59.640 -> 18:05.580] So then you have this infant child who is dependent on other people for longer than
[18:05.580 -> 18:11.100] most other mammals, right? And in that period of let's say nine months or however long after a
[18:11.100 -> 18:18.460] child's born, they are utterly dependent on signals and relationship and connection to
[18:18.460 -> 18:25.740] another human being. That's where it starts, right? So if that child is feeling safe and loved,
[18:25.740 -> 18:29.960] they are going to develop a starting view of the world
[18:29.960 -> 18:32.480] that is about safety and love, right?
[18:32.480 -> 18:33.640] If it's the opposite of that
[18:33.640 -> 18:36.160] and they feel need and want and fear,
[18:36.160 -> 18:38.200] fear is provoked all the time,
[18:38.200 -> 18:40.360] then that's their starting view.
[18:40.360 -> 18:52.000] But then we go through this sort of cultural journey of life that is a journey of social conditioning and reinforcement on top of our base wiring.
[18:52.000 -> 19:28.000] We've always got both going on. It's not an either-or proposition. y gallwch chi ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r ffordd i ddod o'r y cyfle i ddweud hynny, Pippa, o'r math o'r adroddiadau sy'n ei alluogi neu'n ei ddewis.
[19:28.000 -> 19:36.000] Ie, rwy'n deall, rwy'n defnyddio rhywun bob amser pan rwy'n siarad am hyn gyda'r cofwydderion neu'r athletion neu'r busnesau.
[19:36.000 -> 19:39.000] A oes gennych chi weld y ffilm Whiplash?
[19:39.000 -> 19:42.000] A oes gennych chi wedi gweld y ffilm Whiplash? Mae'n rhaid i chi weld.
[19:42.000 -> 19:48.680] Mae hynny'n rhaid i mi ddweud y stori? movie Whiplash, it's a must watch. Does that ruin the story? I compare Dead Poets Society
[19:48.680 -> 19:59.400] and Robin Williams's kind of confident, encouraging pushing of these young men in his class to do more,
[19:59.400 -> 20:07.200] to get a hold of it, to be brave, to step forward and to find passion and you know, it's in response to
[20:07.200 -> 20:13.600] their error or to their apathy, right? He responds that way. That's a great example of messaging to
[20:13.600 -> 20:29.520] lower and diminish fear and to lift possibility. Then in Whiplash, there's a scene where the student is drumming, it's a scene of a music instructor, and the way that the music instructor
[20:29.520 -> 20:37.840] responds to the student who's drumming is the antithesis of good coaching around making
[20:37.840 -> 20:44.480] it possible for somebody to win. He's belittling, he's shaming, he's personal, he's aggressive,
[20:47.520 -> 20:49.960] He's belittling, he's shaming, he's personal, he's aggressive, it's in front of everybody, and he diminishes that person.
[20:49.960 -> 20:55.200] And so the only thing that that person has to hang on to then is fear to get through.
[20:55.200 -> 21:01.120] And this leads to some of the success myths that we have that fear is necessary to motivate.
[21:01.120 -> 21:04.280] Fear is a lazy way to motivate.
[21:04.280 -> 21:25.000] Fear is a short-term way to motivate. Mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn yw, mae'r gofyn ywud â'r arfer ar y cyrraedd,
[21:25.200 -> 21:29.840] i ysbrydoli pobl i newid neu adegu newydd i'w wneud.
[21:29.840 -> 21:33.520] I mi, mae'r orygen o'r ffras oedd
[21:33.520 -> 21:35.920] y disaster o'r Piper Alpha oil,
[21:35.920 -> 21:39.680] sy'n eithaf ddiddorol i gynnal ymdrech i ymdrechu pobl.
[21:39.680 -> 21:41.480] Ond sut mae hynny'n cyflawni?
[21:41.480 -> 21:43.040] Oherwydd yr hyn rydych chi'n ei ddweud mae'n meddwl,
[21:43.040 -> 21:45.680] ond mewn ymgyrch, er enghraifft, mae'r ystod y dyfodol y byddwn ni'n rhaid i ni ymdrechu pobl How does that fit then because what you're saying makes sense, but in sort of academia for example
[21:45.680 -> 21:51.740] There's still that view that we have to frighten people that if you don't change you staying on that burning platform
[21:52.160 -> 21:56.740] There's two things. I'll say here Damien. One is that we are always in a process of evolution
[21:56.740 -> 22:00.680] We do have to change all the time and there's a burden that goes with that
[22:00.680 -> 22:10.000] My point is just that shame is not very useful as a companion to change, right? Motivation doesn't have to come from shame or fear.
[22:10.000 -> 22:14.480] Motivation is like, I need a new niche, I need to get off this platform because
[22:14.480 -> 22:18.640] it's burning and on to another one. We don't actually need the weight of fear
[22:18.640 -> 22:23.440] that we carry around and we definitely don't need shame alongside it, right? So
[22:23.440 -> 22:25.400] that's one point. The other thing is,
[22:25.400 -> 22:34.840] there is enough fear. It's naturally generating. You know, life is not smooth and, you know,
[22:34.840 -> 22:42.400] always rational. Life's chaotic and we're faced with fearful situations all the time. My point
[22:42.400 -> 22:50.760] is, how good are we at turning down what's necessary? How much is enough and then what is extra that we just really don't
[22:50.760 -> 22:55.440] need to bring with us? So it's gonna happen, we've already got enough though.
[22:55.440 -> 23:01.960] Are there people who are addicted to the feeling of being fearful? I think my wife
[23:01.960 -> 23:09.080] gets annoyed at me because I talk about it on this podcast all the time. She's quite a good case study for lots of our conversations. It's just are you talking about me again?
[23:09.520 -> 23:11.680] Someone stuck to me in the supermarket about what you'd said
[23:11.680 -> 23:15.200] So I remember her I'll explain a bit more in just a second
[23:15.200 -> 23:18.080] but we were going on holiday which often gives her an
[23:18.760 -> 23:24.400] Anxious period before we go like all the fears that could possibly go wrong and then one year she wasn't worrying much
[23:24.800 -> 23:25.800] And she said to me
[23:25.800 -> 23:28.240] I'm worried. I haven't worried enough
[23:28.980 -> 23:33.040] Almost like the worry is going to be the thing that stops the bad thing from happening it
[23:33.800 -> 23:36.840] Is that something that people suffer with? Yeah, absolutely
[23:37.480 -> 23:40.880] You know, she's not on her own there at all. But is you know, the
[23:41.440 -> 23:46.760] There's part of that that's habit and the mental habit of what you do
[23:46.760 -> 23:49.080] when you're getting ready.
[23:49.080 -> 23:51.200] So we see this in dressing rooms
[23:51.200 -> 23:52.680] in every sport in the world.
[23:52.680 -> 23:54.160] You look around and there's some people
[23:54.160 -> 23:57.160] who completely occupy themselves with something.
[23:57.160 -> 23:59.960] They need to be occupied before a performance.
[23:59.960 -> 24:01.600] That's part of their getting ready.
[24:01.600 -> 24:04.160] So sometimes like worrying about the details of a flight
[24:04.160 -> 24:06.480] and whether your cab's on time and all the rest of it
[24:06.480 -> 24:09.460] is occupying yourself while you're getting ready
[24:09.460 -> 24:12.120] for a performance and others just have their tunes on
[24:12.120 -> 24:13.520] and they're sitting on their bench
[24:13.520 -> 24:16.220] and they seem to be really chilled out, right?
[24:16.220 -> 24:18.240] But that's their way of getting ready.
[24:18.240 -> 24:20.560] There isn't like a one size fits all.
[24:20.560 -> 24:22.880] So quite often what we see is the habit
[24:22.880 -> 24:25.880] of occupying your mind because you're getting
[24:25.880 -> 24:30.960] ready or you're kind of excited and excited feels a bit, you know, can feel stressful a
[24:30.960 -> 24:39.680] bit like worry. So there's that part of it. It's just whether it is your starting view
[24:39.680 -> 24:47.880] of something. I'm very close to somebody who worries constantly and you know that's their first go-to
[24:47.880 -> 24:56.240] way of assessing a situation and consequently it's very hard for them to access a good possibility
[24:56.240 -> 25:02.000] because they've used all of their attention which is finite. We've only got one bucket of attention
[25:02.000 -> 25:08.520] to use. They've used all of their attention on what might go wrong and then therefore for me there is
[25:08.520 -> 25:12.760] nothing left to actually use on good possibility.
[25:12.760 -> 25:18.560] What do you do to help them then Pippa? Because this again talking about Harriet, you know, she will fear
[25:18.560 -> 25:23.080] something and my technique is to say to her, listen, this is your brain playing a
[25:23.080 -> 25:27.060] trick, this is your brain writing a story in the future about a
[25:27.060 -> 25:31.100] bad thing. Why don't we try and write a really positive story and choose to believe that as well?
[25:31.100 -> 25:36.740] And when you say that in the moment, in the two or three minutes afterwards, it feels like, yeah, okay, let's do that.
[25:36.940 -> 25:38.940] But the next time there's another challenge,
[25:39.440 -> 25:42.040] she doesn't go to that the place that I've spoken about.
[25:42.040 -> 25:47.980] She goes straight back to the place that she's been going to for 40 years really. So what can we do with
[25:47.980 -> 25:52.000] people who suffer as your friend does or have the thoughts that my wife does? What
[25:52.000 -> 25:55.760] can we do to get them to transform and to shift so that they naturally go
[25:55.760 -> 26:00.220] somewhere else? The first thing I would ask is is it suffering for her? Is she
[26:00.220 -> 26:06.200] suffering when she's getting air-porty, as I would call that? Yeah, I think so.
[26:06.200 -> 26:07.600] Yeah, I would say she's...
[26:07.600 -> 26:09.040] Yeah, yeah, I think she...
[26:09.040 -> 26:10.760] Yeah, it just occupies her brain, you know?
[26:10.760 -> 26:12.560] Right, that's a different thing though.
[26:12.560 -> 26:15.480] Like if it's occupying her brain, is she suffering?
[26:15.480 -> 26:16.480] That's like a...
[26:16.480 -> 26:18.480] We should have Harriet on here, by the way.
[26:18.480 -> 26:19.480] Not through you.
[26:19.480 -> 26:22.360] So when you say suffering, how do you mean?
[26:22.360 -> 26:24.520] Well, you know, so it might...
[26:24.520 -> 26:26.520] You might be observing that behavior
[26:26.520 -> 26:29.600] and feeling like if that were you, you'd be stressed out.
[26:29.600 -> 26:32.120] But, you know, maybe she's not actually experiencing
[26:32.120 -> 26:36.320] that stress very negatively, she's just occupied by it.
[26:36.320 -> 26:37.760] The other thing I would say though, Jake,
[26:37.760 -> 26:40.320] is can you think of it as an energy?
[26:40.320 -> 26:44.360] Instead of trying to fix that problem right there and then,
[26:44.360 -> 26:48.960] right when it's happening, can you think of it as an energy? What kind of energy has she
[26:48.960 -> 26:54.540] got at that period of time and how does she want to expend it? Maybe then put on
[26:54.540 -> 27:00.240] a tune and let her dance that out for a second before she's, you know, or let her
[27:00.240 -> 27:05.000] express it in a different way because there's an energy there. Sometimes we
[27:05.000 -> 27:09.400] want to always take the person right back to super calm and super calm is not
[27:09.400 -> 27:14.000] where they want to be right at that moment and it's okay. It's dynamic right
[27:14.000 -> 27:19.080] it's just the distinction is is there suffering in it. That's great advice and
[27:19.080 -> 27:22.160] also I think it probably doesn't help that I'm there going look at me I'm
[27:22.160 -> 27:28.440] relaxed everything will be fine. That probably doesn't help. And she's probably thinking, can you get on with it and get a move on?
[27:28.440 -> 27:35.320] Can I give you another different scenario? So we spoke about nurture and upbringing and
[27:35.320 -> 27:39.400] making our children feel safe and secure. So we've, I think we've done that with our
[27:39.400 -> 27:45.760] children, but almost out of nowhere, our daughter has become obsessed about the dogs getting lost.
[27:45.760 -> 27:49.160] When you open the door to let them out to go to the toilet, go with them, go with them,
[27:49.160 -> 27:50.320] where are they?
[27:50.320 -> 27:53.400] If they haven't come back from the garden within two minutes, she's straight out the
[27:53.400 -> 27:54.400] garden.
[27:54.400 -> 27:56.560] And when we go on a walk, she's looking for them all the time.
[27:56.560 -> 28:00.680] And she's now started counting how many of us, just to make sure everyone's there.
[28:00.680 -> 28:01.800] And that's kind of come out of nowhere.
[28:01.800 -> 28:05.340] And that's an interesting one for me because I I sometimes look anxious kids and I think
[28:05.900 -> 28:07.900] Parents must have filled you with fear
[28:08.140 -> 28:10.140] yet I kind of feel like
[28:10.820 -> 28:15.460] We've tried to parent in a way that we haven't done that at all. And this this has suddenly happened. She's eight years old
[28:16.180 -> 28:20.560] There'll be lots of parents listening to this who maybe have a similar thing where they look at their child and they just see a
[28:20.560 -> 28:29.800] Little nugget of anxiety should we be worried about it? Should we try and get rid of it? Should we accept that as you say nothing's forever and maybe this is a period in in her development.
[28:29.800 -> 28:30.600] What do you think?
[28:30.600 -> 28:35.100] You know, sometimes we think of kids as these little vessels that are you know,
[28:35.100 -> 28:38.400] we fill up with good stuff and there will be this outcome or we you know,
[28:38.400 -> 28:41.700] we mess up now and then and there will be a negative outcome.
[28:41.700 -> 28:46.840] They're way more complex than that in some respects and you know,
[28:46.840 -> 28:54.200] whatever's going on in her little unconscious that is making her just feel such a deep attachment and
[28:54.200 -> 29:00.240] love for the dog that she doesn't want to lose it, you know, is part of just her own evolution.
[29:00.240 -> 29:05.920] I just really would not worry about that. The trick is to reassure her in the moment and to do that in
[29:06.640 -> 29:12.600] Conversation with her rather than again trying to put her back in a state that you think would feel right
[29:12.840 -> 29:19.120] So if I say the dogs are fine calm down, that's not very well useful. That's just a piece of information to her
[29:19.120 -> 29:20.600] It's not necessarily
[29:20.600 -> 29:23.520] Helping her and you know in the moment
[29:23.520 -> 29:27.200] It might be more like you know to engage her in a conversation about,
[29:27.200 -> 29:33.000] what are you thinking about when you're worried that he or she is out for so long?
[29:33.000 -> 29:40.580] And just let her express it. Let her express her emotion and process it therefore and leave it
[29:40.580 -> 29:48.720] with her. And just to say, you might do something like help her have a mechanism for feeling okay with it, you know, put an egg timer on and say,
[29:48.720 -> 29:53.360] let's see how long he's gone for an adventure this time, or how will we let him know that
[29:53.360 -> 29:58.200] when he's ready to come home, you know, we're here for him and we love him and he's welcome
[29:58.200 -> 30:07.000] home, you know, is the dog biscuit on the step or something. So helping her feel not afraid of a ond i fod yn y stepau neu rhywbeth. Felly, helpu hi ddim i feli ymdrech ar gyfer cyflawni negatif,
[30:07.000 -> 30:13.000] ond i fod yn yn y cyflawni a chael ei dal yn y cyflawni, heb ceisio ei gysylltu neu newid ei le.
[30:13.000 -> 30:19.000] Dyna'n wir, dyna'n wir yw lle mae'r rhan fwyaf yw helpu hi i gyrraedd y sefyllfa
[30:19.000 -> 30:21.000] sydd, i unrhyw rhesym, yn dangos ei anxio.
[30:21.000 -> 30:25.520] Felly, gallaf i chi fynd i'ch ôl i'r p you back to Jake's first question Pippa, when like you used a lovely
[30:25.520 -> 30:31.440] phrase there when we're talking about Harriet's anxiety and you spoke about you described it as
[30:31.440 -> 30:38.480] an energy, how does that energy express itself? And that to me was evocative of the phrase from
[30:38.480 -> 30:44.560] the great boxing coach Custa Marto that when he was working with fighters used to describe fear as
[30:46.880 -> 30:50.800] Marto oedd, pan oedd yn gweithio gyda phêrwyr, oedd yn desgrifio ffyrdd fel ffyrdd, y gallwch chi ei ddefnyddio fel ffyrdd i ffynnu eich bywyd, neu gallwch i'w alluogi i
[30:50.800 -> 30:55.280] defnyddio eich bywyd a ffynnu ei ddewis. Ac rwy'n hoff iawn o'r syniad hwn
[30:55.280 -> 30:59.040] y mae gennych, o rhai fel ymddiriedol i ffyrdd, felly unwaith y byddwch chi,
[30:59.760 -> 31:03.200] felly os byddwn ni'n byw yn y moment honno, rydych chi'n ymddirieddol o'i gilydd,
[31:03.200 -> 31:09.360] neu'n ysgrifennu'n hyn, oherwydd mae'n ffyrdd fel ffyrdd neu ffyrdd, if we live within that moment, you almost characterize it or describe it, whether it's as an energy or a fire or in any other way, would you explain the benefits
[31:09.360 -> 31:13.880] of being able to do that? Well the first benefit is that before it's a narrative
[31:13.880 -> 31:18.600] it's an image. I use image a lot. So if you think about the image of fire, you
[31:18.600 -> 31:21.120] know, what's happened as soon as you've brought that image to life is that
[31:21.120 -> 31:24.960] you've come back into the moment and into the embodied experience of what's
[31:24.960 -> 31:30.780] going on for you. So you know, if I say to you, okay Damien, think of a time that was like
[31:30.780 -> 31:37.940] a really anxiety-provoking performance for you. What did it feel like? What did it feel like in
[31:37.940 -> 31:43.040] your body? If it were like something, as he described with fire, what would it be like?
[31:43.040 -> 31:45.240] What was the energy of it?
[31:45.240 -> 31:47.000] What was the temperature or texture of it?
[31:47.000 -> 31:49.400] And straight away, using that visual image
[31:49.400 -> 31:51.800] has brought somebody back into their own body,
[31:51.800 -> 31:55.120] into their experience, and so they're working
[31:55.120 -> 31:58.560] with the stuff that's real for them at that point.
[31:58.560 -> 32:02.080] And then it's like, okay, so if there's too much fire
[32:02.080 -> 32:04.920] and the fire's consuming the house, what do we need?
[32:04.920 -> 32:07.560] So instead of it becoming a prescriptive,
[32:07.560 -> 32:11.320] always get calm, or always get, you know,
[32:11.320 -> 32:14.480] into a space that is more relaxed,
[32:14.480 -> 32:18.040] sometimes that's not actually the right energetic move
[32:18.040 -> 32:20.160] for a person and a performer.
[32:20.160 -> 32:21.320] Sometimes it's like, you know what,
[32:21.320 -> 32:27.440] I just need to reuse the fire in aach na'i ddewis.
[32:27.440 -> 32:33.040] A allech chi ddangos un enghraifft penodol o le rydych chi wedi defnyddio'r math o gwestiynau hynny
[32:33.040 -> 32:39.280] sydd wedi cael effaith ar y perfformwr sydd wedi'u gallu eu hysbysu'r energia?
[32:39.280 -> 32:49.860] Ie, yn siŵr. Rwy'n cofio gweithio gyda gathlwydd am amser. I can remember working with an athlete for a period of time and what would happen for him was that in the in the change room, in the dressing room, he
[32:49.860 -> 32:54.760] would feel, he was really somatic as an athlete which means that he would feel
[32:54.760 -> 33:00.400] his fear, his anxiety very much in his body. So you know it wasn't, he wasn't
[33:00.400 -> 33:05.520] whirring around mentally but he'd feel really heavy and flat. So you know getting him
[33:05.520 -> 33:09.840] to sort of say what tell me what that feels like in your legs you know and him saying it's like
[33:09.840 -> 33:17.200] that they're like stuck you know like I'm stuck in clay I can't move it's like lead kind of feeling
[33:17.200 -> 33:23.040] in my legs I'm like what would we do about clay legs clay stuck legs and taking him into
[33:23.840 -> 33:26.240] an activity of visualization that was about
[33:26.240 -> 33:31.480] actually melting away or digging out that clay and then you know what helped
[33:31.480 -> 33:35.720] the kind of energy that he did want which was because that's also important
[33:35.720 -> 33:39.720] what do you want to feel like now instead of thinking I should always be
[33:39.720 -> 33:44.080] calm what do you want to feel like now because sometimes it's quite up or it's
[33:44.080 -> 33:50.160] quite elevated and it's quite sort of adrenal and excited for a performer. It's like
[33:50.160 -> 33:53.360] what would give you that? And for him it was music so it's like you know well
[33:53.360 -> 33:56.680] there's a couple of tunes that really lift me. It's like okay let's do a
[33:56.680 -> 34:01.040] visualization where we dig out the clay, get you standing on firm ground. What
[34:01.040 -> 34:09.540] does that ground feel like? What does the energy in your legs feel like now? And there's a theme tune for it. So then when he's starting to feel, you know,
[34:09.540 -> 34:15.240] in the tunnel or, you know, on the way out, when he's starting to feel like he's heavy,
[34:15.240 -> 34:20.700] he comes back to that visualization of the energy moving through his legs and his hips
[34:20.700 -> 34:25.240] and his spine in the right way. He can access that and he's got a theme tune in
[34:25.240 -> 34:29.080] his head for it too. So do you think people can do this for themselves or do
[34:29.080 -> 34:33.440] you think that it's necessary to to have somebody ask these questions of them?
[34:33.440 -> 34:39.120] Absolutely you can, absolutely. The thing about imagination is it's vast, it's
[34:39.120 -> 34:44.560] endless, it's you know so rich. I bet you at the end of this conversation you'll
[34:44.560 -> 34:45.080] both be thinking about the images for when I bet you at the end of this conversation you'll both be
[34:45.080 -> 34:49.980] thinking about the images for when you feel you've had moments of anxiety or
[34:49.980 -> 34:53.440] when you felt amazing before performances. What was the physical feel,
[34:53.440 -> 34:57.920] temperature, texture of those things? Everybody has that kind of imagination
[34:57.920 -> 35:01.800] available to them and that example might not be the right example for everyone
[35:01.800 -> 35:08.640] but you have endless possibilities in your own imagination, which is why I just really like this stuff.
[35:08.640 -> 35:11.860] You don't, you don't need an expert to come and tell you this.
[35:11.860 -> 35:17.240] You just have to tune into you and what's going on and respond from your own wisdom.
[35:17.240 -> 35:21.720] This is interesting for me, because I think that I'm, I basically live in the day.
[35:21.720 -> 35:22.720] Okay.
[35:22.720 -> 35:25.640] I don't, I'm not even sure what I'm actually doing tomorrow because I just don't find it
[35:25.640 -> 35:31.040] Very useful to know so therefore if something bad is around the corner. I'm pretty much blind to it, which I like
[35:31.680 -> 35:33.680] However, I am a total hypochondriac
[35:34.080 -> 35:39.480] So if there's a slight issue with me, it's the end of the world if one of my kids has got an aching leg
[35:39.480 -> 35:40.760] It isn't just growing pains
[35:40.760 -> 35:47.400] it's some you know horrendous childhood disease which is gonna cause us a problem and it keeps me awake at night. And it's the first thing
[35:47.400 -> 35:50.680] I think about when I wake up in the morning. And this isn't every day,
[35:50.680 -> 35:55.800] obviously, but when there's a tiny little, a tiny little thing, it just dominates my
[35:55.800 -> 35:59.680] thoughts and I go, I sort of catastrophize about it. Speaking to
[35:59.680 -> 36:03.320] people, it seems quite common. What advice would you give for people like me or
[36:03.320 -> 36:05.280] people in a similar situation who
[36:09.040 -> 36:13.680] feel like loads of their areas of their life they're really in control of but there was just one thing that and I'm now 43 and I haven't yet managed to deal with this and I'm kind of
[36:13.680 -> 36:17.120] a bit like I mentioned earlier I think I get a bit of comfort out of worrying about it because
[36:17.120 -> 36:22.080] at least I'm you know thinking of all the possible potential disasters and so therefore I'll attack
[36:22.080 -> 36:29.240] them head on. You know if we go back to sort of the start of the conversation about going a bit deeper
[36:29.240 -> 36:36.760] and not fixing or prescribing or trying to allow yourself an impression of you that didn't
[36:36.760 -> 36:43.180] have to have everything right, maybe a less perfect impression of yourself, I would say
[36:43.180 -> 36:47.120] again, is there suffering in it and what's the energy of
[36:47.120 -> 36:52.360] it? And when that happens and you're thinking, oh my God, it's definitely thrombosis or, you know,
[36:52.360 -> 36:58.560] whatever else, like what helps you ground and check in on your energy and then say,
[36:58.560 -> 37:09.560] was there anything in those fearful thoughts that was useful or can some of that go in the bin? We have to recycle a lot when it comes to fear. Gotta compost a lot. It's like
[37:09.560 -> 37:15.000] yeah not useful, not real, chuck it out, no good, that's bin, that's rubbish bin material.
[37:15.000 -> 37:19.600] Can I tell you what I have found that's been useful is like that I know that I do this,
[37:19.600 -> 37:24.560] so therefore I kind of learn to ignore it in some ways. I've taught myself to ignore it
[37:24.560 -> 37:28.240] because I'm like yeah but this is you you thinking this therefore it probably is nothing and
[37:28.800 -> 37:31.180] And I kind of I try and give things a mark out of 10
[37:31.180 -> 37:36.500] So if Florence has an aching foot I say right what is the actual mark out of 10 that this is gonna be something bad
[37:36.500 -> 37:38.060] It's probably a one
[37:38.060 -> 37:42.360] And then I'll give a mark out of 10 to what's the mark out of 10 that we're gonna have a great evening on Friday
[37:42.360 -> 37:44.920] When the kids are here and we're gonna have dinner and play some board games
[37:44.920 -> 37:45.120] I can give that a 10 because I know we're gonna have fun a great evening on Friday when the kids are here and we're going to have dinner and play some board games.
[37:45.120 -> 37:46.920] I can give that a 10 because I know we're going to have fun.
[37:47.320 -> 37:49.720] So I find that that is quite a useful tool for me.
[37:50.280 -> 37:50.520] Yeah.
[37:50.520 -> 37:53.960] But it's one of the sort of in the moment fear tools.
[37:53.960 -> 37:59.760] So, you know, is rationalization, is there's, there's distraction processing,
[37:59.760 -> 38:03.840] which might be something like breathing and, or, you know, the exercise I talked
[38:03.840 -> 38:08.920] to you about before with the clay feet or rationalization is another one it's kind
[38:08.920 -> 38:13.080] of like a score out of ten how real is this okay this is just me having a
[38:13.080 -> 38:18.280] moment or I've just got high energy on this or you know I've got a worry
[38:18.280 -> 38:23.040] narrative running here I've got an old tape running here that each of those
[38:23.040 -> 38:25.840] three things are ways to deal with that in the moment
[38:25.840 -> 38:32.480] fear. But you know, that stuff is, we can always deal with that from a technique perspective,
[38:32.480 -> 38:38.640] but that's the stuff that pops up now and then. More pervasive is the not good enough fear of,
[38:38.640 -> 38:42.880] you know, that you talked about before with the lunchbox scenario. It's kind of like,
[38:42.880 -> 38:48.160] that's the stuff that takes up more of our time, energy and day. We can generally
[38:48.160 -> 38:53.320] come back to the moment and process, rationalise or distract.
[38:53.320 -> 38:59.560] So for the pervasive fear that floats under the surface, not necessarily one way you can just apportion an energy and change it,
[38:59.560 -> 39:03.800] that is just constantly there, yeah, this not good, this, I suppose shame, you've
[39:03.800 -> 39:05.000] described it as shame
[39:05.000 -> 39:07.160] being the deadliest of our emotions, haven't you?
[39:07.160 -> 39:13.360] Yeah, well, the really important thing to distinguish here is that techniques will work
[39:13.360 -> 39:19.000] for in the moment fear and for those anxieties and worries that we've been talking about.
[39:19.000 -> 39:24.280] When we're talking about not good enough fear, it's a perspective change.
[39:24.280 -> 39:26.300] It will not be solved by a technique and
[39:26.300 -> 39:31.420] this is what annoys me so much in the kind of self-help field sometimes. We
[39:31.420 -> 39:36.340] were just desperate for a prescription for everything. This is pervasive and
[39:36.340 -> 39:41.420] real and big in our lives and what I'm hoping to do is help people see that you
[39:41.420 -> 39:46.640] can change the story, you can change the underpinning story, you can stay long
[39:46.640 -> 39:52.240] enough and see where not good enough fear is showing up for you, then face what is costing
[39:52.240 -> 39:58.560] you in your life and start to replace it. But you cannot do that in 20 minutes. That is a,
[39:58.560 -> 40:04.080] if you make that decision today that you want to really have a look at the where not good enough
[40:04.080 -> 40:05.600] fear is showing up in your life, that's going to take you a look at where not good enough fear is showing up in your life.
[40:05.600 -> 40:11.520] That's going to take you a while. Everybody's journey is different, certainly. And it will
[40:11.520 -> 40:17.040] keep coming up, but you get better and better and better at managing the volume that's there,
[40:17.600 -> 40:21.520] managing how much and how you can respond. How do we start?
[40:21.520 -> 40:25.300] So you start by seeing it. You start by seeing it. So if I
[40:25.300 -> 40:30.540] say to you, okay, let's have a look at really the places where the not good
[40:30.540 -> 40:36.560] enough fear is showing up in your life. You know, where are you most
[40:36.560 -> 40:42.980] likely to feel that? You know, so I did an exercise with my team this morning. We
[40:42.980 -> 40:49.560] went for dinner last night and we were talking about human expression and how you know you can be so confident in one
[40:49.560 -> 40:53.600] area and then another area like you're really anxious about expressing yourself
[40:53.600 -> 40:58.200] in it just a human way and we're talking about singing and saying you know I'd
[40:58.200 -> 41:02.720] rather stick pins in my eyes and sing on a stage somewhere in front of people. Why?
[41:02.720 -> 41:05.680] Because I'd be shamed for not being good at it.
[41:05.680 -> 41:07.520] You know, that's the narrative in my mind.
[41:07.520 -> 41:09.000] I wouldn't be good at it.
[41:09.000 -> 41:11.200] So we did an exercise this morning of like,
[41:11.200 -> 41:14.440] everybody on our WhatsApp channel had to put a song on.
[41:14.440 -> 41:18.560] And you know, they ranged in quality significantly.
[41:18.560 -> 41:19.480] It wasn't the point.
[41:19.480 -> 41:22.440] The point was the expression of, you know,
[41:22.440 -> 42:10.000] our just common humanity, we're just expressing. But what happened for me physically, yw'r adroddiad o'ch, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, yw'n, y i'n debyg i'r anxiaeth hwnnw, oherwydd roeddwn i'n debyg i'r anxiaeth hwnnw, oherwydd roeddwn i'n debyg i'r anxiaeth hwnnw, oherwydd roeddwn i'n debyg i'r anxiaeth hwnnw, oherwydd roeddwn i'n debyg i'r anxiaeth hwnnw, oherwydd roeddwn i'n debyg i'r anxiaeth hwnnw, oherwydd roeddwn i'n debyg i'r anxiaeth hwnnw, oherwydd roeddwn i'n debyg i'r anxiaeth hwnnw, oherwydd roeddwn i'n debyg i'r anxiaeth hwnnw, oherwydd roeddwn i'n debyg i'r anxiaeth hwnnw, oherwydd roeddwn i'n debyg i'r anxiaeth hwnnw, oherwydd roeddwn i'n debyg i'r anxiaeth hwnnw, oherwydd roeddwn i'n debyg i'r anxiaeth hwnnw, oherwydd roeddwn i'n debyg i'r anxiaeth hwnnw, oherwydd roeddwn i'n debyg i'r anxiaeth hwnnw, oherwydd roeddwn i'n debyg i'r anxiaeth hwnnw, oherwydd roeddwn i'n debyg i'r anxiaeth hwnnw, oherwydd roeddwn i'n debyg i'r anxiaeth hwnnw, oherwydd roeddwn yn gofyn, ond dim ond 5% oedd yn rhoi'r dŵr, oherwydd maen nhw wedi dod o'r gwaith, a allai ddraio'n dda, neu a allai ddraio'n dda, neu a oedd yn ddrawer dda
[42:10.000 -> 42:16.000] mewn, ac mae hynny'n ymwneud â'r rhan ychydig o'r gofyn a ddarlithom ni.
[42:16.000 -> 42:20.000] Ie, ac nid oeddwn ni'n hoffi dod o'r gwaith, a llai ddrawer dda,
[42:20.000 -> 42:32.240] ond byddwn ni wedi ymdrechu hynny o'r diwydiant rydyn ni'n byw yno, We'd already have interpreted that from the culture that we live in where, you know, we absolutely hero, elite, excellent, etc. And we feel that there's something wrong if we don't
[42:32.240 -> 42:37.360] achieve that benchmark in all areas. And what that does is shut down our human expression,
[42:38.000 -> 42:43.840] you know. So, back to your question, Jake, like first see it, first notice, I'm like,
[42:43.840 -> 42:45.040] oh, I've still got some shame
[42:45.040 -> 42:52.160] about expressing myself in different ways, okay what does that cost me, where don't I raise my
[42:52.160 -> 42:58.640] voice that I might like to, you know it's just a metaphor to share with you but that where does it
[42:58.640 -> 43:05.280] really show up, you know so I'm confident coming onto this medium with you, talking in this way, but
[43:05.280 -> 43:09.720] if we were on TV and there were lots of people looking at me, I would feel less confident,
[43:09.720 -> 43:10.720] right?
[43:10.720 -> 43:14.320] I would have more potential for not good enough.
[43:14.320 -> 43:16.480] Show up, oh, I can see it.
[43:16.480 -> 43:22.480] So first notice where it actually is for you and what's the story under that, and then
[43:22.480 -> 43:26.660] start thinking about what does it cost you because
[43:26.660 -> 43:32.360] you know in your brilliant human potential, your expansive possibilities of who you are,
[43:32.360 -> 43:37.440] this will get in the way and we talk about performance as if it's this kind of narrow
[43:37.440 -> 43:48.600] channel to good that looks a particular way. It's so expansive, it's so massive, you know, the human brilliance is so massive. And then once
[43:48.600 -> 43:54.400] you've done that and only then you start thinking about how will I replace that and the things that
[43:54.400 -> 43:58.600] I talk about with replacing as you would have read in the book or around, you know, sense of
[43:58.600 -> 44:05.000] purpose and meaning, probably the most powerful part of that is relationships and real connection, yn y cyfle i ddod o'r iaith. Ac efallai y ffordd mwyaf allweddol o'r rhan hwn o'r gysylltiadau
[44:05.000 -> 44:08.000] a'r cysylltiadau gwirioneddol,
[44:08.000 -> 44:11.000] y cymuned, fel y ffordd o gysylltiadau a'r gwaith
[44:11.000 -> 44:14.000] y mae gennych, sy'n eich alluogi i ddewis ffyrdd.
[44:14.000 -> 44:17.000] Ac mae nifer o arferion eraill yno, fel y dywedwch.
[44:17.000 -> 44:20.000] Felly, wrth ddweud am y cysylltiadau, Pippo,
[44:20.000 -> 44:23.000] eto, rydych chi wedi ymddangos y ffyrdd o'r gosod
[44:23.000 -> 44:28.400] yn gyntaf, sy'n eithaf gysyll yn ymwneud â'n meddwl. Beth fyddech chi'n ei ddweud yw'r ffordd cyflym
[44:28.400 -> 44:32.880] neu'r ffordd mwy effeithiol i seilio'r gysylltiadau sy'n iawn i ni?
[44:34.240 -> 44:37.120] Rwy'n hoffi eich bod chi wedi'i ddewis yn y ffordd mwy effeithiol, Damien.
[44:39.120 -> 44:43.920] Rwy'n credu bod y peth pwysig yw dangos eich hun fel y gallwch.
[44:46.600 -> 44:53.080] the best option is to show up as you as best as you can. You know, so relationships take us a while to build because we don't actually connect fully as ourselves. You know, there's lots of
[44:53.080 -> 44:58.880] other reasons but I'm honing in on that piece of it. You know, mostly we're in some kind of
[44:58.880 -> 45:05.080] performative mode, some kind of performance when we're in a relationship. It can go on for months,
[45:05.080 -> 45:11.240] it can go on forever in families and you know where you show only a part of you
[45:11.240 -> 45:15.280] or in work relationships you only show a part of you and it doesn't mean a full
[45:15.280 -> 45:19.240] expose of who you are and everything you feel to leave you in a massively
[45:19.240 -> 45:26.560] vulnerable spot all the time but it like, what stops me actually just showing up as me?
[45:26.560 -> 45:29.720] How can I take off the mask and show up as me?
[45:29.720 -> 45:34.600] And when you do that, of course, because of the energy of exchange in relationships, the
[45:34.600 -> 45:37.520] other person is so much more inclined to do it as well.
[45:37.520 -> 45:42.840] And that's that, you know, mysterious, erroneous little thing we call trust.
[45:42.840 -> 45:46.960] That gets built much more quickly and the depth of relationship opens up.
[45:49.160 -> 45:51.420] As a person with a very deep voice,
[45:51.420 -> 45:54.400] I'm hired all the time for advertising campaigns,
[45:54.400 -> 45:56.640] but a deep voice doesn't sell B2B
[45:56.640 -> 45:58.360] and advertising on the wrong platform
[45:58.360 -> 46:00.080] doesn't sell B2B either.
[46:00.080 -> 46:01.960] That's why if you're a B2B marketer,
[46:01.960 -> 46:03.900] you should use LinkedIn ads.
[46:03.900 -> 46:08.220] LinkedIn has the targeting capabilities to help you reach the world's largest professional
[46:08.220 -> 46:09.220] audience.
[46:09.220 -> 46:13.300] That's right, over 70 million decision makers all in one place.
[46:13.300 -> 46:18.700] All the big wigs, then medium wigs, also small wigs who are on the path to becoming big wigs.
[46:18.700 -> 46:20.500] Okay, that's enough about wigs.
[46:20.500 -> 46:25.000] LinkedIn ads allows you to focus on getting your B2B message to the right people.
[46:25.000 -> 46:32.000] So, does that mean you should use ads on LinkedIn instead of hiring me, the man with the deepest voice in the world?
[46:32.000 -> 46:34.000] Yes. Yes, it does.
[46:34.000 -> 46:38.000] Get started today and see why LinkedIn is the place to be, to be.
[46:38.000 -> 46:41.000] We'll even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign.
[46:41.000 -> 46:44.000] Go to LinkedIn.com slash results to claim your credit.
[46:44.000 -> 46:47.320] That's LinkedIn.com slash results. Terms
[46:47.320 -> 46:52.360] and conditions apply. On our podcast we
[46:52.360 -> 46:53.800] love to highlight businesses that are
[46:53.800 -> 46:55.720] doing things a better way so you can
[46:55.720 -> 46:57.840] live a better life and that's why when I
[46:57.840 -> 47:00.800] found Mint Mobile I had to share. So Mint
[47:00.800 -> 47:02.560] Mobile ditched retail stores and all
[47:02.560 -> 47:09.180] those overhead costs and instead sells their phone plans online and passes those savings to you. And for a
[47:09.180 -> 47:12.780] limited time they're passing on even more savings with a new customer offer
[47:12.780 -> 47:18.100] that cuts all Mint Mobile plans to $15 a month when you purchase a three-month
[47:18.100 -> 47:25.000] plan. That's unlimited talk, text and data for $15 a month.
[47:25.200 -> 47:28.960] And by the way, the quality of Mint Mobile's wireless service
[47:28.960 -> 47:31.840] in comparison to providers that we've worked with before
[47:31.840 -> 47:32.900] is incredible.
[47:32.900 -> 47:35.320] Mint Mobile is here to rescue you
[47:35.320 -> 47:38.200] with premium wireless plans for 15 bucks a month.
[47:38.200 -> 47:40.920] So say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans,
[47:40.920 -> 47:42.640] those jaw-dropping monthly bills,
[47:42.640 -> 47:44.600] those unexpected overages,
[47:44.600 -> 47:49.000] because all the plans come with unlimited talk and text and high-speed data delivered on the
[47:49.000 -> 47:54.740] nation's largest 5G network. Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan. Bring your
[47:54.740 -> 47:57.840] phone number along with all your existing contacts.
[47:57.840 -> 48:02.460] So ditch overpriced wireless with Mint Mobile's limited time deal and get premium wireless
[48:02.460 -> 48:05.520] service for just $15 a month. To get
[48:05.520 -> 48:10.280] this new customer offer and your new 3 month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks
[48:10.280 -> 48:20.280] a month go to mintmobile.com.hpp. That's mintmobile.com.hpp. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at
[48:20.280 -> 48:25.520] mintmobile.com.hpp. Additional taxesxes, ffeis a'r rheoliadau ar gael.
[48:25.520 -> 48:27.520] Edrychwch ar myntmobile.com.hpp.
[48:29.520 -> 48:32.960] Felly, os ddweudwn am sefydliad sport,
[48:32.960 -> 48:36.080] ond mae'n gysylltiad eithaf gyda'r busnes
[48:36.080 -> 48:38.320] neu'n ystafell,
[48:38.320 -> 48:40.800] pan fyddwch chi'n gweithio gyda chyfwiliwr,
[48:40.800 -> 48:42.720] pa fath o ddechnigau y byddwch chi'n ei hyrwyddo
[48:42.720 -> 48:43.680] i chyfwiliwr
[48:43.680 -> 48:47.000] i meddwl amdano, neu ystyried eu cymryd i'r llywodraeth eich bod chi'n meddwl amdano neu'n cymryd i'w ddefnyddio,
[48:47.000 -> 48:52.000] sy'n cymryd i bobl ddewis eu bod yn eu bod yn ymddangos yn ymwneud â'r masge?
[48:52.000 -> 48:55.000] Rwy'n credu mai'r peth gyntaf yw dechrau gyda'u hunain.
[48:55.000 -> 49:02.000] Felly, dydach chi ddim yn gallu gofyn i unrhyw un hefyd i ddod yn eu hunain,
[49:02.000 -> 49:08.960] os nad ydych chi'n ddewis ei wneud hefyd. self if you're not willing to do it as well and for leaders, coaches, captains, anybody,
[49:08.960 -> 49:13.800] that's, you know, you guys have to do that on the podcast all the time, you know, you're trying to
[49:13.800 -> 49:20.040] build a quick engagement, not just an engagement, quick relationship. So the more open and honest
[49:20.040 -> 49:26.000] and vulnerable and real you are, the more you will get from your guest. And I think that's the same
[49:26.000 -> 49:31.920] for leaders all over the place too. It's like, can you first see where you're performing a bit
[49:31.920 -> 49:38.720] and you're worried about not being good enough? And can you let a little bit more of you into the
[49:38.720 -> 49:51.960] room? And it really doesn't mean expose or you've got to tell them about your kids at the weekend or whatever else. It means engagement, it means eye contact, it means physical presence, it means if
[49:51.960 -> 49:59.280] you're going to inquire how somebody is, mean it, ask, listen, respond. You know, it's like a type
[49:59.280 -> 50:10.000] of intimacy. I've made this point before but we think about intimacy as something that just happens Dwi wedi gwneud y pwynt hwn yn y blynyddoedd, ond rydyn ni'n meddwl bod ymgyrchu'n rhywbeth sy'n digwydd yn gysylltiadau cyfnodol, gysylltiadau neu teuluoedd.
[50:10.000 -> 50:15.000] Ymgyrchu, i mi, yw'n ymgyrch arall yn ein bywydau cymdeithasol, ein bywydau profesiynol.
[50:15.000 -> 50:22.000] Yn ystod ein bod ni wedi mynd allan o'r gymuned, rydyn ni'n teimlo'n ychydig yn anodd amdanyn nhw.
[50:22.000 -> 50:26.040] Ond mae'n golygu i chi ddangos eich hun ac ymgysylltu ac ymwneud â'i. Kind of like feel a bit awkward about it, but it really just means showing up as you and engaging and relating
[50:26.840 -> 50:28.080] Imagine the power of that
[50:28.080 -> 50:33.240] This is very interesting because I think when when I knew you were coming on the on the podcast paper
[50:33.680 -> 50:37.420] And I was thinking about sort of fear and shame and anxiety and things. I
[50:38.120 -> 50:43.920] Saw it as bad because it gives people sweaty palms and it makes them say no to social events or it
[50:44.680 -> 50:45.160] Brings them a stress. They don't need but actually just from having this conversation people's sweaty palms and it makes them say no to social events or it brings
[50:45.160 -> 50:47.760] them a stress they don't need. But actually just from having this
[50:47.760 -> 50:52.820] conversation the realization for me is that it basically strips you of your
[50:52.820 -> 50:56.600] individuality doesn't it? Because you have a fear to be you, to say what you
[50:56.600 -> 51:00.880] really think and and then when you just hide away and you shrink and you
[51:00.880 -> 51:04.280] disappear a bit and you just kind of try and act like everyone else and no one
[51:04.280 -> 51:05.280] notices, what's the point? Because your incredible uniqueness is just gone isn't And you shrink and you disappear a bit and you just kind of try and act like everyone else and no one notices
[51:09.980 -> 51:13.560] What's the point because your incredible uniqueness is just gone, isn't it? And that's actually what fear and anxiety and shame does for people
[51:13.560 -> 51:20.720] it removes that opportunity to live a life of of real purpose because you've stopped being who you really are and
[51:21.040 -> 51:27.120] Joy, you know, that's it know, it steals joy more than anything I think. And you know,
[51:27.120 -> 51:31.440] there's this weird paradox because it does strip us of our individuality, but it also
[51:31.440 -> 51:39.240] strips us of our commonality. You know, you've got that extraordinary, wonderful potential
[51:39.240 -> 51:46.320] in you and your, what's that quote, you know, personally I'm a floor stitched together with good intention,
[51:46.320 -> 51:51.840] something like that, you know, and so that's the same for all of us, you know, we've got both,
[51:51.840 -> 51:59.800] we've got extraordinary potential and we're a bunch of mess and flaws and that's okay,
[51:59.800 -> 52:07.000] that's what we are and, you know, we can see that in ourselves and own it and we can see that in ond rydyn ni'n gweld hynny yn ein hunain, ac rydyn ni'n gweld hynny yn yr ail. Ac yn gwneud hynny, mae gofynion a hau'n cael eu gwneud.
[52:07.000 -> 52:11.000] Ac rwy'n credu mai dyna'n llawer o waith i weithredu,
[52:11.000 -> 52:14.000] mewn unrhyw ffordd y gallwch chi ysgrifennu weithredu.
[52:14.000 -> 52:18.000] Mae cwestiwn yna sy'n ymddangos gyda mi, Pippa,
[52:18.000 -> 52:22.000] oherwydd fel eich hun, rydw i wedi cael yr wythnos i weithio mewn amgylcheddau chwaraeon
[52:22.000 -> 52:28.800] lle rydych chi'n mynd i mewn, ac yn aml, mae'n eithaf macho
[52:28.800 -> 52:35.600] mewn rhai o'r amgylcheddau hyn, ac un o'r termau rydw i'n ymdrechu yw pan mae pobl yn argyfwng ymdrechiad fel banter.
[52:36.400 -> 52:42.320] Dwi'n cael ddod o'r ffordd i ddweud y byddwn i'n dweud y bydd banter yn aml yn y ddiffyg o'r ddymhed,
[52:42.320 -> 52:46.720] bod yn aml yn argyfwng o bobl yn ddangos eu hunain pan yw'n gwdiddorol o'r ddic-ed, yw'n amlwg i bobl ddweud ei fod yn ddiddorol
[52:46.720 -> 52:49.920] pan yw'n digwydd ychydig o'i gilydd.
[52:49.920 -> 52:52.560] Ac rhan o'r rheswm rwy'n teimlo'n gryf amdano
[52:52.560 -> 52:55.120] yw, rwy'n credu, mae'n amlwg i bobl
[52:55.120 -> 52:56.960] o'u unigoledd,
[52:56.960 -> 52:58.600] mae pobl yn ymdrechu mewn ffordd uniform,
[52:58.600 -> 53:02.000] felly nid yw'n dod allan ac yn rhysgoi'r rhidicwyl honno.
[53:02.000 -> 53:03.360] Uniform, ie.
[53:03.360 -> 53:04.720] Sut fyddwch chi'n hyrwyddo unrhyw un
[53:04.720 -> 53:05.640] sy'n clywed hynny, i'w hysbwysu'r math o ddiwylliant and risk that ridicule. How would you encourage anyone listening to this then
[53:05.640 -> 53:13.160] to challenge that kind of culture where uniformity or stripping people of their
[53:13.160 -> 53:19.200] sense of uniqueness is endemic? It's such a great point to bring up. I agree with
[53:19.200 -> 53:26.200] you about banter. There's a real difference between wit and fun, you know, but banter is quite
[53:26.200 -> 53:31.280] often used at somebody else's cost. To exclude rather than to include.
[53:31.280 -> 53:38.040] To exclude rather than to include, exactly. It's got a barbed edge, as you say. And, you know, you
[53:38.040 -> 53:40.720] describe it as the defense of the dickhead and I would say it's the defense of the
[53:40.720 -> 53:50.300] fearful, you know, I think people... That's more charitable than like yours. Yeah, you know, it's powerful too. It's like the people who don't feel that comfortable
[53:50.300 -> 53:56.620] in their skin need a shield and sometimes that shield is in making the other person
[53:56.620 -> 54:06.840] feel more conforming or smaller or sharing the fear, that creates a shield but it's really really
[54:06.840 -> 54:11.200] damaging and in terms of performance whether we're talking about that in an
[54:11.200 -> 54:16.600] office setting or in a team setting all that does is lower people's willingness
[54:16.600 -> 54:22.320] to take a risk and what does extreme elite performance require? Risk. You
[54:22.320 -> 54:25.880] have to be vulnerable enough to put yourself out there.
[54:25.880 -> 54:31.900] And every time there is a culture of conformity, for me, it's impoverishing.
[54:31.900 -> 54:36.880] It really strips away people's ability to take that risk, to stand up.
[54:36.880 -> 54:42.000] You know, you would have read in the book, the Richmond Tigers, AFL, their Triple H exercise,
[54:42.000 -> 54:49.680] which actually came from Atlanta Falcons NFL, which was like being able to stand up and say, to tell a story of a hero,
[54:49.680 -> 54:53.800] hardship and highlight in their own life. And, you know, for all these,
[54:53.840 -> 54:58.840] these guys had endured and tolerated and the whole world looks at them as brave.
[55:00.420 -> 55:04.040] Doing that where it was personally vulnerable was probably the biggest
[55:04.040 -> 55:08.640] breakthrough piece that they could have that allowed them to go into a different
[55:08.640 -> 55:14.080] zone where they dropped fear, you know, and they raised intimacy and things like
[55:14.080 -> 55:20.000] that, that's like taking a risk, that's non-conforming and it's so powerful but
[55:20.000 -> 55:23.520] I agree with your point on banter. So would you tell us a little bit more
[55:23.520 -> 55:27.320] around that hero hardship and highlight exercise?
[55:27.320 -> 55:30.320] Because I'm sure there'll be teachers or leaders here
[55:30.320 -> 55:34.360] that'll be thinking that might be a really good way
[55:34.360 -> 55:37.560] of starting to create the culture that they want.
[55:37.560 -> 55:38.800] Would you tell us a little bit around
[55:38.800 -> 55:40.120] how you introduced it
[55:40.120 -> 55:43.640] and how you got it embedded into Richmond?
[55:43.640 -> 55:47.520] I actually didn't do it in Richmond. Shane McCurry did it in Richmond.
[55:47.520 -> 55:51.840] It was after my time there but it's such a clean example of a turning point for
[55:51.840 -> 55:55.680] them. The way that it's introduced is that
[55:55.680 -> 55:59.200] it's an exercise in vulnerability, it's an
[55:59.200 -> 56:02.400] exercise in getting to know each other so that the force
[56:02.400 -> 56:08.440] of the bond between the team is stronger. So, you know, how do
[56:08.440 -> 56:13.880] you really play for another person or support another person if you don't know them? You don't
[56:13.880 -> 56:19.840] know them outside of their number or their role or whatever else. And it doesn't have to be Triple H,
[56:19.840 -> 56:27.320] but the idea is of a group, in that case 40-something guys, a group each taking a turn
[56:27.320 -> 56:32.880] over a season to come to the front of the room with everybody sitting and listening and tell a
[56:32.880 -> 56:38.560] story. So the Triple H is really just an anchor for the storytelling of the hero in your life,
[56:38.560 -> 56:47.640] the hardship and the highlight. And almost everybody tells a personal story, it'll be about a grandma or a person who's
[56:47.640 -> 56:54.080] meant everything to them or a moment where they felt really small and overcame and it's humbling.
[56:54.080 -> 57:06.400] It really introduces humility and the bond that comes out of doing that like releasing the person behind the shirt or the human being behind the role or
[57:06.400 -> 57:14.760] the title is so rich and I tell you what those people who go and do it more terrified of doing
[57:14.760 -> 57:22.360] that because it feels personally exposing outside of the performance of your role than anything but
[57:22.360 -> 57:30.000] the breakthrough in richness of engagement and in willingness to really be there for that human ond mae'r gweithio'n ddwywys o gysylltiad a chyfathrebu i fod yno ar gyfer y dyn yw hir.
[57:30.000 -> 57:33.000] Ac felly, rydw i'n gwybod, mae'n gweithio'n gallu ei wneud i unrhyw un.
[57:33.000 -> 57:37.000] Pan ddarlitho i weithio gyda'r tîm, er enghraifft, a byddwch yn gofyn iddyn nhw
[57:37.000 -> 57:42.000] pa mor amser y byddent yn parhau ar sgiliau hawr yn ymhellach i'r sgiliau'r hollol llai,
[57:42.000 -> 57:46.320] fel cyflawni'r anoddiaeth a gweithio ar ddiwygio.
[57:46.320 -> 57:52.480] Nid oes gennym gwrthdaro cyhoeddiol i'r tîm sy'n cymryd 30% i 70% o'u gysylltiad o ran
[57:52.480 -> 57:58.000] lle maen nhw'n meddwl eu cyflawni'n ymwneud â 30% o'r pethau technol
[57:58.000 -> 58:01.760] a 70% o'i gysylltiadau'n ymwneud â'r rhwydwaithau.
[58:01.760 -> 58:06.240] Ond pan edrychwch ar eu diwrnodion ar gyfer y mlynedd ymlaen,
[58:06.240 -> 58:13.680] mae 90% o hyn yn cael ei gael ar gyfer y pethau hau, ac nid yw'n bob amser yn cyfrannu'r pethau'n llai.
[58:13.680 -> 58:19.920] Pa oedd eich profiadau i'r llyfr hwnnw, a sut wnaethoch chi ddewis y diwlch, fel bod e'n
[58:19.920 -> 58:23.120] cyflawniad fawr? Mae'n ddifrifol iawn, oherwydd mae'n cofio
[58:23.120 -> 58:29.120] nifer gwahanol o ffyned i'w cyfrannu. Mae'r cyfraniadurau arno yw a proportion. It's a really great point because it takes a massive amount of energy to prioritize it, the leaders priority on it is everything but the
[58:29.120 -> 58:33.240] thing about the soft skills, I hate it when we refer to it that way but
[58:33.240 -> 58:37.920] you know what I mean, the less tangible skills is it's not necessarily huge
[58:37.920 -> 58:46.280] pieces of time, technical tasks, technical skill build takes more physical time or clock time but it's
[58:46.280 -> 58:52.620] energy and priority, you know, so the cultural inputs might take 30 minutes of
[58:52.620 -> 58:57.700] the day, you know, and it's never going to look balanced in terms of the diary but
[58:57.700 -> 59:03.820] it's the leadership prioritization and energy for that, like what is
[59:03.820 -> 59:07.720] the thing that you will measure at the end of the day?
[59:07.720 -> 59:11.580] And, you know, do you have an accountable kind of culture where that's the thing you'll
[59:11.580 -> 59:15.960] allow to slide off the sheet because it's always the hardest stuff as well.
[59:15.960 -> 59:20.840] But you know, the sustainable, the teams who've done it sustainably, I don't know, I follow
[59:20.840 -> 59:21.840] Golden State Warriors.
[59:21.840 -> 59:25.200] I'm watching Klay Thompson come back last night after,
[59:25.200 -> 59:32.080] you know, after two years where his teammates were so culturally connected to him and so
[59:32.080 -> 59:36.360] encouraging, you know, there was a sense of sort of community around that.
[59:36.360 -> 59:40.120] And you know that they have built that over years and years and years.
[59:40.120 -> 59:42.400] Their values include joy.
[59:42.400 -> 59:45.600] They still have to put all of the blood, sweat and tears into the technical, physical, material eu gwerthoedd yw hwyl. Mae'n rhaid iddo dod i'r holl llwythau a'r wain i'r aspectau technol,
[59:45.600 -> 59:48.240] ffysigol a'r materion
[59:48.240 -> 59:49.800] o fod yn dda,
[59:49.800 -> 59:51.880] ond nid yw'r gwaith ddiniaeth
[59:51.880 -> 59:53.560] yn mynd o'r list o'r gwrtho.
[59:53.560 -> 59:54.800] Iawn, nid yn unrhyw
[59:54.800 -> 59:56.560] arall busnes.
[59:56.560 -> 59:59.440] Ac nid yn unrhyw arall busnes.
[59:59.440 -> 01:00:01.000] Rwy'n credu bod hynny'n cwestiwn
[01:00:01.000 -> 01:00:02.160] iawn i'r rhaidwyr.
[01:00:02.160 -> 01:00:04.160] Ydych chi'n gweithio'n ddiweddar
[01:00:04.160 -> 01:00:05.400] mewn y math o ddiniaeth sy'n gallu gynnwys eich bobl? Gallwch chi fod yn ddifrifol o fewn hynny? That's the truth question to the leader. Are you genuinely invested in the kind of culture
[01:00:05.400 -> 01:00:07.120] that will enable your people?
[01:00:07.120 -> 01:00:08.760] Can you be vulnerable within that?
[01:00:08.760 -> 01:00:10.280] Can you manage fear within that?
[01:00:10.280 -> 01:00:12.480] Will you manage your own fear to show up
[01:00:12.480 -> 01:00:14.080] and do it every day?
[01:00:14.080 -> 01:00:16.320] There's two words, Pippa, I want to discuss with you,
[01:00:16.320 -> 01:00:18.200] love and soulfulness.
[01:00:18.200 -> 01:00:19.280] You use them a lot in your book
[01:00:19.280 -> 01:00:20.720] when you talk about high performance.
[01:00:20.720 -> 01:00:24.040] And we've recorded almost 100 episodes now
[01:00:24.040 -> 01:00:29.520] of this podcast with high performers. And I don't think love or soulfulness is something that
[01:00:29.520 -> 01:00:34.160] any of them have mentioned at the end when we always say what are your three
[01:00:34.160 -> 01:00:39.280] non-negotiables for high performance. So why are love and soulfulness so
[01:00:39.280 -> 01:00:47.440] important to you? Well I think that we have kind of industrialized ourselves a little bit when we think about work or
[01:00:47.440 -> 01:00:53.000] performance of any kind and we've, it's almost like we've said we'll leave all of that stuff
[01:00:53.000 -> 01:01:00.000] for afterwards or for home or whatever but actually it's what makes up our integrity as
[01:01:00.000 -> 01:01:09.960] human beings, it's what motivates us more than anything else. Like anybody who says, you know, football, let's say, isn't full of love or emotion, it's like
[01:01:09.960 -> 01:01:14.600] they're not watching very closely. It might not be the presentation of it but
[01:01:14.600 -> 01:01:20.520] it's what we are fundamentally, it's what we are. And so, you know, soulfulness,
[01:01:20.520 -> 01:01:27.920] care of the soul, as I think of it it is allowing us to be fully human in the
[01:01:27.920 -> 01:01:33.720] pursuit of those incredible goals, the pursuit of the kind of life that we'd be
[01:01:33.720 -> 01:01:41.520] happy with at Stumps. And that's if we try and make it more pedestrian, colder,
[01:01:41.520 -> 01:01:46.800] more formal, more industrialized, more engineered, and we leave out that stuff.
[01:01:46.800 -> 01:01:50.280] We're working with half of what a human being is.
[01:01:50.280 -> 01:01:54.520] And if we want to find real excellence, surely we have to work with the whole thing.
[01:01:54.520 -> 01:01:58.000] I feel I should have paid you a fee for this, you know, Pippa, because I feel like all of
[01:01:58.000 -> 01:02:02.200] the little things in my life, whether it's moving the energy in a different direction,
[01:02:02.200 -> 01:02:06.720] whether it's, you know, distracting my daughter. She's worried about the dog
[01:02:07.520 -> 01:02:14.560] Whether it's remembering the importance of you know, personal relationships or just accepting that sometimes we'd feel this anxiety and actually
[01:02:15.120 -> 01:02:19.040] We put a label on that. It's bad. But if it isn't actually bad for us, is it a problem?
[01:02:19.040 -> 01:02:22.960] I think all of these things are so helpful for people certainly been very helpful for me
[01:02:22.960 -> 01:02:31.200] So we're now going to move on to our quickfire questions. So the first one is, what are the three non-negotiable
[01:02:31.200 -> 01:02:37.160] behaviours when it comes to fear that you and the people around you have to buy into?
[01:02:37.160 -> 01:02:45.000] I think non-negotiable behaviours around fear would be about pausing and resetting,
[01:02:45.280 -> 01:02:48.160] resetting ego actually, you know,
[01:02:48.160 -> 01:02:51.240] can I step, can I get back in the moment
[01:02:51.240 -> 01:02:53.760] and actually notice what's going on?
[01:02:53.760 -> 01:02:55.800] Isn't, you know, which is an ego reset,
[01:02:55.800 -> 01:02:57.240] that's number one.
[01:02:57.240 -> 01:03:00.040] Second is remember the love and care.
[01:03:00.040 -> 01:03:02.040] And the third is boundaries.
[01:03:02.040 -> 01:03:05.240] So, you know, is this mind to worry about?
[01:03:05.240 -> 01:03:07.440] Is this mind to fix?
[01:03:07.440 -> 01:03:10.560] Is this fear part of today or is it ancient
[01:03:10.560 -> 01:03:13.100] or projected into tomorrow?
[01:03:13.100 -> 01:03:15.840] You know, I think, yeah, boundaries,
[01:03:15.840 -> 01:03:18.120] love and care and reset the ego.
[01:03:18.120 -> 01:03:20.520] If you could go back to one period of your life, Pippa,
[01:03:20.520 -> 01:03:22.200] what would that be and why?
[01:03:22.200 -> 01:03:23.440] I wouldn't go back.
[01:03:23.440 -> 01:03:31.280] You know, that's, to Jake's point earlier about being in the day, you know, I've had a rich mix of
[01:03:31.280 -> 01:03:36.080] human experiences that have been both so much more than I could have ever hoped
[01:03:36.080 -> 01:03:42.800] for and so extraordinary and also a struggle at times, but today's today and
[01:03:42.800 -> 01:03:46.260] I'm very grateful for today and my focus is here
[01:03:46.360 -> 01:03:49.960] So a lot of people who've suffered personal loss and personal tragedy
[01:03:50.440 -> 01:03:54.760] Would choose to maybe go back to a point where you could spend time with your brother who I know
[01:03:55.000 -> 01:03:56.600] You know took his own life
[01:03:56.600 -> 01:03:59.460] How are you able and why are you able to?
[01:03:59.720 -> 01:04:04.280] Be so accepting of maybe the things that have happened and not want to go back to that time
[01:04:04.320 -> 01:04:05.040] be so accepting of maybe the things that have happened and not want to go back to that time.
[01:04:12.080 -> 01:04:26.780] Because as painful as that was, and you know, there's many more people than me with situations of pain that are similar, there is no value for me in today in regret and distress from there. That's 14 years ago for me now. And you know, I
[01:04:26.780 -> 01:04:34.480] think that to have him in my heart and keep him close in memory, for the good,
[01:04:34.480 -> 01:04:41.600] the bad, the ugly, and as real as I can, is a better cherishing of him and a
[01:04:41.600 -> 01:04:45.160] better cherishing of me too too so that I'm not lost
[01:04:45.560 -> 01:04:50.840] To regret or what might have been and especially on something that I just cannot control
[01:04:51.500 -> 01:04:55.480] So, you know, I would rather have my love and energy in now
[01:04:56.800 -> 01:04:58.800] That's lovely and powerful
[01:05:00.080 -> 01:05:07.820] Pippa would you give a book a podcast or a TV series that you would recommend to our guests to to read watch or listen
[01:05:07.820 -> 01:05:10.620] To obviously you can mention your own book if you wish
[01:05:10.900 -> 01:05:15.640] yeah, the other book that I've really enjoyed over the last few years and it's been sort of
[01:05:16.860 -> 01:05:20.920] Really important for me is a book by David Brooks called second mountain
[01:05:22.100 -> 01:05:24.860] It's about sort of how you want to live the second half of your life
[01:05:24.680 -> 01:05:30.040] second mountain. It's about sort of how you want to live the second half of your life. Like once you get through that idea of what we ought to be, then how
[01:05:30.040 -> 01:05:34.040] will we live the second half? Yeah, I really enjoyed that.
[01:05:34.040 -> 01:05:39.760] And the final question Pippa is, can you offer us one golden rule for people
[01:05:39.760 -> 01:05:43.720] that you would suggest that people can live a high-performance life?
[01:05:43.720 -> 01:05:48.560] I would say that the results are just an outcome and they're not your worth
[01:05:49.320 -> 01:05:51.320] brilliant if you would like to
[01:05:51.720 -> 01:05:57.540] Learn more about Pippa's work or understand a bit more about the things that she's discussed on this podcast
[01:05:57.600 -> 01:06:01.620] Then you can get your hands on her brilliant book fear less
[01:06:02.040 -> 01:06:06.180] How to win your way in work and life available from from all
[01:06:06.180 -> 01:06:10.280] good book outlets Pippa can I just say a huge thanks on behalf of myself and
[01:06:10.280 -> 01:06:13.720] Damien but more than that the entire community of high-performance you've
[01:06:13.720 -> 01:06:16.800] just sat and listened to a conversation like this which is really carefully
[01:06:16.800 -> 01:06:21.840] considered it comes from a place of obviously really wanting to help other
[01:06:21.840 -> 01:06:25.020] people you know great empathy great understanding of
[01:06:25.620 -> 01:06:31.300] The human mind and the human being and the fact that we are flawed not flawless and perhaps that's okay
[01:06:31.640 -> 01:06:36.840] So thank you ever so much for your time. Thank you. It's been a great conversation. I love what you guys are doing
[01:06:36.840 -> 01:06:38.840] So keep up the good work
[01:06:42.000 -> 01:06:48.720] Damien Jake that was definitely for me transformational about what, for a start, what fear represents.
[01:06:48.720 -> 01:06:52.720] I never had this kind of mindset that it was that fear is an energy and all you need to
[01:06:52.720 -> 01:06:56.920] do is, or one of the things you need to do is try and divert the energy somewhere else.
[01:06:56.920 -> 01:07:01.880] I always believed it was like calm down, relax, sit still, have a cup of tea. And it was quite
[01:07:01.880 -> 01:07:06.080] eye-opening for me when people says, well, that doesn't necessarily work forodd i weithio ar gyfer pobl y cyfnod.
[01:07:06.080 -> 01:07:06.920] Weithiau,
[01:07:06.920 -> 01:07:07.560] mae angen i chi
[01:07:07.560 -> 01:07:08.080] ddod o'r ffordd ymhellach
[01:07:08.080 -> 01:07:08.920] lle'n unig.
[01:07:08.920 -> 01:07:09.640] Ie, rwy'n credu
[01:07:09.640 -> 01:07:10.800] y methodau tri staff
[01:07:10.800 -> 01:07:11.840] y ddewis Peppar
[01:07:11.840 -> 01:07:12.480] o gweld,
[01:07:12.480 -> 01:07:13.080] gweld,
[01:07:13.080 -> 01:07:14.160] dweud,
[01:07:14.160 -> 01:07:15.080] yw wirioneddol effeithiol.
[01:07:15.080 -> 01:07:15.760] Rwy'n credu weithiau
[01:07:15.760 -> 01:07:16.640] dim ond i ddysgu
[01:07:16.640 -> 01:07:18.440] y byddwn ni'n teimlo'n ffried
[01:07:18.440 -> 01:07:19.400] ac yna
[01:07:19.400 -> 01:07:20.000] gweld e
[01:07:20.000 -> 01:07:20.520] a gweld,
[01:07:20.520 -> 01:07:21.280] wel, beth yw
[01:07:21.280 -> 01:07:23.520] yw'r peth
[01:07:23.520 -> 01:07:26.040] sy'n cael ymdrech yma ac yna gael stori wahanol ar y ffordd yw yw wirioneddol effeithiol. work out, well, what is it that is really causing that anxiety here? And then have a
[01:07:26.040 -> 01:07:29.560] different story around it is really effective.
[01:07:29.560 -> 01:07:33.000] Steve McMillan And also what she said about being individuals,
[01:07:33.000 -> 01:07:37.040] being ourselves, which is creating an environment where people can be themselves, where if they
[01:07:37.040 -> 01:07:41.320] have got issues or they feel vulnerable or they feel anxious, they can share those. But
[01:07:41.320 -> 01:08:25.840] it's a reminder that living in that constant worry about shame or something bad around ond mae'n ymwybodol bod byw yn y cysylltiad cyfnodol o rhaid i'r ddau o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rhan o'r rddai'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o'r rhan fwyaf o Mae'n dweud, weithiau, y byddwn yn agor y bydd y pwp wedi dweud, rydym i gyd yn ein technicol glir,
[01:08:25.840 -> 01:08:27.240] dim ond lle rydyn ni'n ei le.
[01:08:27.240 -> 01:08:28.400] Rydyn ni'n digwydd, ac rwy'n credu,
[01:08:28.400 -> 01:08:30.320] i unrhyw un sy'n clywed hyn,
[01:08:30.320 -> 01:08:32.340] os ydynt y tri ffyrdd y gallent ddweud
[01:08:32.340 -> 01:08:35.440] ac ymdrech a'u teimlo bod y pwp wedi'u hyrwyddo'r adroddiad honno,
[01:08:35.440 -> 01:08:37.920] mae'n eu gallu byw mewn bywyd ar eu teimlo,
[01:08:37.920 -> 01:08:40.960] nid ar definiadau rhywun eisoes neu cymdeithas.
[01:08:42.320 -> 01:08:44.320] Ac rydym yn dod i'r rhan o'r fideo
[01:08:44.320 -> 01:08:48.140] sy'n aml i ddangos i Damian and I when we get to talk to you the people that listen to
[01:08:48.140 -> 01:08:53.060] high performance and it's a pleasure to welcome Hayley to the podcast. Hi Hayley.
[01:08:53.060 -> 01:08:58.220] Hello. So Hayley you came to see us in Birmingham on our on our live podcast
[01:08:58.220 -> 01:09:03.160] tour right? That's right yes I did my husband and I came along yeah to see you
[01:09:03.160 -> 01:09:06.000] it was really good we had a really good night. What was your big takeaway? Do you Ie, i'w gweld, roedd yn dda iawn. Roeddwn i'n cwrdd gyda'r wythnosau. Ie, i'w gweld, roedd yn dda iawn. Roeddwn i'n cwrdd gyda'r wythnosau.
[01:09:06.000 -> 01:09:08.000] Pa oedd eich cymorth fawr?
[01:09:08.000 -> 01:09:10.000] Yn gyntaf, dydw i ddim yn meddwl
[01:09:10.000 -> 01:09:12.000] pa mor flynedd oedd yno, yn ymhlith yw'r wythnosau.
[01:09:12.000 -> 01:09:14.000] Y ffordd rydw i'n ei sylwi, oedd y cwm.
[01:09:14.000 -> 01:09:16.000] Doedd dim cwm ar gyfer y dynion,
[01:09:16.000 -> 01:09:18.000] ond cymorth fawr ar gyfer y dynion.
[01:09:18.000 -> 01:09:20.000] Doedd y cwm ar gyfer y dynion.
[01:09:20.000 -> 01:09:22.000] Felly dyna oedd un o'r cymorth fawr,
[01:09:22.000 -> 01:09:24.000] dwi'n credu, dim ond oherwydd na fy mod i'n ei gofyn.
[01:09:24.000 -> 01:09:26.480] Felly pa gwybodaeth byddwch chi'n ei roi i unr unrhyw ddynion a bydd yn clywed ar hyn, Hayley,
[01:09:26.480 -> 01:09:30.320] sy'n meddwl yn dod ymlaen i unrhyw show?
[01:09:30.320 -> 01:09:35.920] Oh, i wneud hynny, rwy'n ddim yn ddiogel,
[01:09:35.920 -> 01:09:40.160] ac mae hefyd yn ymdrech i llawer o sgwrsau
[01:09:40.160 -> 01:09:44.000] y mae fy nhaf a fi yn cael am eisiau dechrau ein busnes ein hunain un diwrnod
[01:09:44.000 -> 01:09:46.000] a meddwl am beth gallddai hynny'n gallu edrych fel hyn.
[01:09:46.000 -> 01:09:53.000] Ac yn ystod y cyfnod â'n gilydd, sydd ddim yn siarad am ein plant neu yma o ran ysgol,
[01:09:53.000 -> 01:09:57.000] mae'n ystod y cyfnod y gallwn ni ddreu ychydig â'n gilydd.
[01:09:57.000 -> 01:10:00.000] Ond rwyf hefyd yn ymuno â'r ffyrdd, rwy'n hoff iawn bod yma gyda'n ffrindiau.
[01:10:00.000 -> 01:10:26.000] Mae gen i ddynion anhygoel yn fy bywyd, ac mae'r mwyafwyaf o'n gysylltiadau cyd-ddifrifol yn y gweithgareddau eu hunain, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'n unig, y gweithgareddau'nny. Ac fe wnaethom ni'r cyfle i ni wneud hynny. Ac fe wnaethom ni'r cyfle i ni wneud hynny.
[01:10:26.000 -> 01:10:28.000] Ac fe wnaethom ni'r cyfle i ni wneud hynny.
[01:10:28.000 -> 01:10:30.000] Ac fe wnaethom ni'r cyfle i ni wneud hynny.
[01:10:30.000 -> 01:10:32.000] Ac fe wnaethom ni'r cyfle i ni wneud hynny.
[01:10:32.000 -> 01:10:34.000] Ac fe wnaethom ni'r cyfle i ni wneud hynny.
[01:10:34.000 -> 01:10:36.000] Ac fe wnaethom ni'r cyfle i ni wneud hynny.
[01:10:36.000 -> 01:10:38.000] Ac fe wnaethom ni'r cyfle i ni wneud hynny.
[01:10:38.000 -> 01:10:40.000] Ac fe wnaethom ni'r cyfle i ni wneud hynny.
[01:10:40.000 -> 01:10:42.000] Ac fe wnaethom ni'r cyfle i ni wneud hynny.
[01:10:42.000 -> 01:10:44.000] Ac fe wnaethom ni'r cyfle i ni wneud hynny.
[01:10:44.000 -> 01:10:46.480] Ac fe wnaethom ni'r cyfle i ni wneud hynny. Ac fe wna y gallwch eu cymryd y tu hwnnw, mewn pob ffordd o eich bywyd.
[01:10:46.480 -> 01:10:47.480] Rwy'n hoffi.
[01:10:47.480 -> 01:10:51.480] Iawn i'r bobl, rydych chi'n Gynhyrchwr Gweithredu'r Ffund Gweithredu Gwleidyddol ar gyfer plant.
[01:10:51.480 -> 01:10:53.480] Rydych chi hefyd yn mam o ddau ffyrdd.
[01:10:53.480 -> 01:11:06.000] A'ch bod chi'n ei arloes at ein gweithredu, fel y dywedwch, a'ch bod chi'n dweud y byddwch chi'n credu y byddwch chi'n credu y byddwch chi'n credu y byddwch chi'n credu y byddwch chi'n credu y byddwch chi'n credu y byddwch chi'n credu y byddwch chi'n credu y byddwch chi'n credu y byddwch chi'n credu y byddwch chi'n credu y byddwch chi'n credu y byddwch chi'n credu y byddwch chi'n credu y byddwch chi'n credu y byddwch chi'n credu y byddwch chi'n credu y byddwch chi'n credu y byddwch chi'n credu y byddwch chi'n credu y byddwch chi'n credu y byddwch chi'n credu y byddwch chi'n credu y byddwch chi'n credu y byddwch chi'n credu y byddwel. A dweudwch eich bod chi'n credu y gallwch chi'n gael y cymhwyster o leiaf y cyflawni
[01:11:06.000 -> 01:11:08.000] eich gael chi'n mynd yn y cyflawni'r mwyaf anodd.
[01:11:08.000 -> 01:11:10.000] A allech chi ddweud beth oedd y cymhwyster hwnnw?
[01:11:10.000 -> 01:11:12.000] A pheth y gall pobl eraill ddysgu o hynny?
[01:11:12.000 -> 01:11:14.000] Wrth gwrs, ie.
[01:11:14.000 -> 01:11:16.000] Felly, rwy'n credu
[01:11:16.000 -> 01:11:18.000] mae'n ôl i'r holl.
[01:11:18.000 -> 01:11:20.000] Mae'n wirioneddol.
[01:11:20.000 -> 01:11:22.000] Mae'n wirioneddol
[01:11:22.000 -> 01:11:24.000] i'r pethau i fod yn gynnig.
[01:11:24.000 -> 01:11:25.400] Yw os oes gennych y gwahaniaethau yn eu lle. Ac rydych chi'n gwybod, rydych chi bob am'n ddimplwm iawn, y pethau i fod yn gyffrous
[01:11:25.400 -> 01:11:27.360] yw os ydych chi'n cael y gwirioneddau yn y lle,
[01:11:27.360 -> 01:11:30.400] a rydych chi'n gwybod, rydych chi bob amser yn siarad am gwirioneddau o leiaf.
[01:11:30.400 -> 01:11:31.560] Ac rwy'n credu, i mi,
[01:11:31.560 -> 01:11:33.600] roedd yn clywed i bobl eraill
[01:11:33.600 -> 01:11:36.080] sy'n ddod o'r gwirioneddau
[01:11:36.080 -> 01:11:38.400] i ddim,
[01:11:38.400 -> 01:11:39.480] fel Suzy Mar,
[01:11:39.480 -> 01:11:40.080] neu, rydych chi'n gwybod,
[01:11:40.080 -> 01:11:41.360] efallai'r ddau hyn gyda Bear Grylls
[01:11:41.360 -> 01:11:43.520] lle roedd yn siarad am gyfraith yn y momenau chietaf.
[01:11:43.520 -> 01:11:44.440] Rwy'n hoffi hynny.
[01:11:44.440 -> 01:11:49.480] Rwy'n gwybod, rwy'n gwybod, roedd yn cyfraith yn y momenau cietaf. Oherwydd rwy'n credu mae llawer o gyfraig yn y diwedd arall o'r Bear Grylls, lle roedd e'n siarad am y gofod yn y cyfioedd ymhellach, rwy'n hoffi hynny, rwy'n gwybod, rwy'n meddwl bod yna lawer o gofod yn y cyfioedd ymhellach,
[01:11:49.480 -> 01:11:53.080] yn enwedig yn ystod y pandemig, i fy ngwlad,
[01:11:53.080 -> 01:11:54.560] dydyn ni ddim yn gwybod a oedd gennym ni'n mynd i'w gwneud,
[01:11:54.560 -> 01:12:00.480] roedden ni'n dod i'r diwedd 2020, ac roeddem ni'n cael ein hyrfa fwyaf dros y cyfnod,
[01:12:00.480 -> 01:12:03.280] ac yna rwy'n cofio un o'r aelwyr y bwrdd yn dweud wrthym,
[01:12:03.280 -> 01:12:13.000] bydd yna cyfle, dyma'n amser gwirioneddol, ond bydd yna cyfle, ac rydych chi'n mynd i gael y cyfle i helpu mwy o bobl o'r hyn o'r cyfle.
[01:12:13.000 -> 01:12:25.000] Ac yna gwrando i'r podcast High Performance, a gwrando i'ch gynrychiadau anhygoel, a'r cyfleau lle maen nhw'n gweld cyfle, ar ôl i'r amser m i gyd, pan oedd y cyfle'n fwy amlwg, neu'r cyfle'n fwy traumatig iddo. Fel Jo Malone,
[01:12:25.000 -> 01:12:27.000] mae'n ddiddorol iawn,
[01:12:27.000 -> 01:12:28.000] ac yn mynd i'r ffwrdd,
[01:12:28.000 -> 01:12:30.000] yn un cyfle hirach
[01:12:30.000 -> 01:12:32.000] i unrhyw un mewn eu bywyd,
[01:12:32.000 -> 01:12:35.000] i'r cyfle gwych
[01:12:35.000 -> 01:12:36.000] a'r amser i ddod allan
[01:12:36.000 -> 01:12:37.000] a byw.
[01:12:37.000 -> 01:12:38.000] Felly, rwy'n credu
[01:12:38.000 -> 01:12:40.000] dyna pam rwy'n cael
[01:12:40.000 -> 01:12:41.000] llawer o ysbrydoliad o'r cyfle,
[01:12:41.000 -> 01:12:43.000] ac rwy'n dal i weithio'n fwyaf
[01:12:43.000 -> 01:12:46.000] i'r 101 o ffilmau, o gwmpas mae'n llawer. Ond, rwy'n credu, ofnod, ac rydw i'n gweithio'n fawr i dros yr 101 episodau,
[01:12:46.000 -> 01:12:50.000] ond rwy'n ceisio geisio gysylltu â nhw bob dydd.
[01:12:50.000 -> 01:12:55.000] Mae'r teimlad cyffredinol o ran gynnal, cymorth,
[01:12:55.000 -> 01:12:58.000] y bydd llawer o'r ffytbolwyr rydych chi'n sôn amdano,
[01:12:58.000 -> 01:13:01.000] a rwy'n meddwl oedd yn fwy o'r ffynon i mi yn fy byd byd,
[01:13:01.000 -> 01:13:03.000] ond Eric Dyer, yn siarad am gynnal,
[01:13:03.000 -> 01:13:07.400] mae'n rhaid i chi gynnal, ymdrech, gweithio, a rwy'n credu y gallwch chi'n ymwneud â hynna'n fawr i unrhyw fath o'ch bywyd, But you know Eric Dyer talking about sacrifice you have to sacrifice practice keeping going and I think that you can relate it so much
[01:13:07.400 -> 01:13:08.800] To any aspect of your life?
[01:13:08.800 -> 01:13:11.800] and I think that's why I got so much inspiration during
[01:13:12.440 -> 01:13:17.960] lockdown when we were separated from people and you really wanted to try and connect and still grow and
[01:13:18.280 -> 01:13:22.880] The podcast gave me incredible space to do that. Wonderful. Listen, Hayley
[01:13:22.880 -> 01:13:24.880] it means the world to us to hear that because
[01:13:24.180 -> 01:13:28.540] space to do that. Wonderful. Listen Hayley, it means the world to us to hear that because the reason for us doing this podcast is about having impact and you
[01:13:28.540 -> 01:13:31.620] know as you mentioned Suzy Ma their infinite purpose is one of her big
[01:13:31.620 -> 01:13:34.860] things and the infinite purpose for this podcast is to reach more people around
[01:13:34.860 -> 01:13:38.600] the world every day to get them closer to a high-performance life and it's
[01:13:38.600 -> 01:13:43.340] people like you sharing the podcast talking about it passing it on just
[01:13:43.340 -> 01:13:45.120] encouraging people to listen to it,
[01:13:45.120 -> 01:13:49.600] and then it opens their minds to all of the incredible guests that we've had on the 100
[01:13:49.600 -> 01:13:55.120] plus episodes so far. So from all of us on the team, thank you so much for sharing with us today.
[01:13:55.120 -> 01:13:59.920] But more than that, thank you for realizing the power that you have to pass this podcast
[01:13:59.920 -> 01:14:03.280] on to other people and impacting their lives for good. No problem. Thank you.
[01:14:07.900 -> 01:14:11.520] What a pleasure to speak to Hayley and get her feedback on how high performance has helped her. Just a reminder if you can please share this
[01:14:11.520 -> 01:14:15.880] podcast, put it on your social media, share it at work, pop it in a whatsapp
[01:14:15.880 -> 01:14:20.400] group, talk about it, discuss it because that is what makes the difference for us.
[01:14:20.400 -> 01:14:25.240] Loads of feedback actually as well from recent episodes. Lee Child was really
[01:14:25.240 -> 01:14:28.760] interesting wasn't he, the author of the Reacher books. Karl on Instagram says I
[01:14:28.760 -> 01:14:32.080] love this episode and how Lee brought so much of his learning back to his roots
[01:14:32.080 -> 01:14:35.960] growing up in Birmingham. Our environment shapes us in ways we don't always
[01:14:35.960 -> 01:14:40.560] realise. Very true Karl. At the end of this week it's going to be an exciting
[01:14:40.560 -> 01:14:44.440] week on Friday we are going to be live in Edinburgh with Steve Clark the
[01:14:44.440 -> 01:14:47.440] Scotland manager ahead of a big playoff match for the World Cup for
[01:14:47.440 -> 01:14:50.640] the Scotland national team if you want to come along there are a few tickets
[01:14:50.640 -> 01:14:55.040] left Friday night Queen's Hall Edinburgh lots of feedback from our tour in
[01:14:55.040 -> 01:14:59.000] Manchester thank you for creating a platform that allows others to
[01:14:59.000 -> 01:15:03.560] understand they don't have to be special to achieve their goals something that I
[01:15:03.560 -> 01:15:08.960] think I've known for so long but no one ever believes you. I love the Tempest 2, someone says who
[01:15:08.960 -> 01:15:12.880] came to Manchester the Tempest 2 are two guys who have just decided to be
[01:15:12.880 -> 01:15:16.720] explorers with no previous knowledge or understanding of what it takes and that's
[01:15:16.720 -> 01:15:20.040] really what high performance is all about right? Being brave enough to go for
[01:15:20.040 -> 01:15:24.760] it. Great show Manchester, you may not be changing lives but you're showing others
[01:15:24.760 -> 01:15:25.000] they can.
[01:15:25.000 -> 01:15:27.000] Keep planting those seeds, says Christopher.
[01:15:27.000 -> 01:15:31.000] And that really was the way that I introduced the High Performance Live show in Manchester last week.
[01:15:31.000 -> 01:15:34.000] Was that we get lots of messages from people saying,
[01:15:34.000 -> 01:15:36.000] Your podcast changed my life.
[01:15:36.000 -> 01:15:37.000] And you're all wrong.
[01:15:37.000 -> 01:15:39.000] This podcast has changed nobody's life.
[01:15:39.000 -> 01:15:47.440] This podcast, as I explained to Jason, who was obviously in the audience in in Manchester and Christopher and many other people is
[01:15:47.560 -> 01:15:49.120] That you've changed your own lives
[01:15:49.120 -> 01:15:54.640] all we've done is give you the opportunity to really think and see the world in a different way and
[01:15:55.040 -> 01:16:01.080] Finally a message from Ray who says I'll be starting a new business soon. Good luck Ray and frankly, I need a bit of guidance
[01:16:01.080 -> 01:16:06.860] Why do I always see other people's anxiety as a means of slowing down or scuppering or derailing a process?
[01:16:07.180 -> 01:16:11.420] It's genuinely a contentious issue. I'm dealing with as it is hindering performance
[01:16:11.580 -> 01:16:16.380] But it's also something I've identified recently while I try to understand it and know where it comes from
[01:16:16.380 -> 01:16:18.380] I don't seem to have a solution for it
[01:16:18.380 -> 01:16:24.840] I think that the answer here right is you've already found it in your message when you say I've identified recently
[01:16:28.000 -> 01:16:32.940] That I need to understand it. I think all too often in life we walk around with opinion rather than empathy. Everyone has an opinion
[01:16:32.940 -> 01:16:36.800] about everyone else's lives but that's a useless form of knowledge, the highest
[01:16:36.800 -> 01:16:40.480] form of knowledge that we can possibly display is empathy. So what you need to
[01:16:40.480 -> 01:16:45.100] do Ray is sit down with your colleagues who are suffering with anxiety
[01:16:45.100 -> 01:16:52.240] or nerves or worrying about how your new business is going to go and have a really honest conversation
[01:16:52.240 -> 01:16:53.240] with them.
[01:16:53.240 -> 01:16:57.420] Try and understand more about them, more about the process that they've been through because
[01:16:57.420 -> 01:17:01.640] what you will find when you understand them better, they will understand you better, they
[01:17:01.640 -> 01:17:05.020] will feel more supported, you'll find ways of working with them.
[01:17:05.020 -> 01:17:08.060] I think what we can't do is see anxiety
[01:17:08.060 -> 01:17:11.240] as a way of derailing or slowing down a business.
[01:17:11.240 -> 01:17:12.820] Anxiety for a lot of people is something
[01:17:12.820 -> 01:17:15.460] they have to exist with, they have to push through.
[01:17:15.460 -> 01:17:18.660] And the two can go hand in hand
[01:17:18.660 -> 01:17:20.340] because I have anxious people in my life.
[01:17:20.340 -> 01:17:21.380] I've had periods in my life
[01:17:21.380 -> 01:17:23.660] where I've suffered with real anxiety.
[01:17:23.660 -> 01:17:25.280] But those are some of the periods in my life where I've suffered with real anxiety but those are some of the periods in my life where
[01:17:26.200 -> 01:17:28.800] Strangely, I've been at my happiest or I've achieved the most
[01:17:29.840 -> 01:17:31.840] so I think that
[01:17:32.280 -> 01:17:35.640] Understanding that for some people living with anxiety is the thing and
[01:17:37.040 -> 01:17:42.760] That you can still run a successful business with those people bringing their amazing skills and knowledge to that business
[01:17:43.000 -> 01:17:46.080] While still supporting their anxiety and their nerves those people bringing their amazing skills and knowledge to that business, while
[01:17:43.480 -> 01:17:49.040] still supporting their anxiety and their
[01:17:46.080 -> 01:17:50.520] nerves. And I think finally Ray, you know we
[01:17:49.040 -> 01:17:52.040] almost realize that living with
[01:17:50.520 -> 01:17:53.680] anxiety is like being followed by this
[01:17:52.040 -> 01:17:56.320] little voice all the time, it knows all
[01:17:53.680 -> 01:17:58.480] your insecurities, it loves to use them
[01:17:56.320 -> 01:18:00.680] against you all the time. For you though,
[01:17:58.480 -> 01:18:02.440] empathy is seeing with the eyes of that
[01:18:00.680 -> 01:18:04.720] person, listening with the ears of that
[01:18:02.440 -> 01:18:07.320] person, feeling with the eyes of that person, listening with the ears of that person, feeling with
[01:18:04.020 -> 01:18:10.000] the heart of that person. And I think the
[01:18:07.320 -> 01:18:11.460] key with showing empathy for another
[01:18:10.000 -> 01:18:13.320] person is you're then giving them
[01:18:11.460 -> 01:18:15.360] permission to be themselves. They will
[01:18:13.320 -> 01:18:16.680] find that hugely liberating. They will be
[01:18:15.360 -> 01:18:17.960] the kind of people that you want to go
[01:18:16.680 -> 01:18:20.240] on that journey with you. And just
[01:18:17.960 -> 01:18:21.960] remember really that as important as this
[01:18:20.240 -> 01:18:23.400] business is, and I wish you all the luck
[01:18:21.960 -> 01:18:25.680] in the world with your estate agency
[01:18:23.400 -> 01:18:32.060] business, actually I don't think anything is more important than empathy for another human beings suffering or issues not career not wealth not status
[01:18:32.060 -> 01:18:34.600] I think if we're going to live a life of dignity
[01:18:35.280 -> 01:18:41.000] One of the key things for us is to feel for each other and look after each other and you will find an incredible
[01:18:41.160 -> 01:18:45.000] Amazing value in the people that you decide to stand alongside and support
[01:18:45.000 -> 01:18:49.080] when times are hard, because trust me, mate, they will be with you when times are tough
[01:18:49.080 -> 01:18:53.100] and none of us know when we're going to be the ones that need other people's empathy
[01:18:53.100 -> 01:18:56.440] and understanding with our own anxieties and issues and concerns.
[01:18:56.440 -> 01:18:59.200] But thanks so much for reaching out and I do hope that is helpful.
[01:18:59.200 -> 01:19:00.480] And just explore, mate.
[01:19:00.480 -> 01:19:04.000] Get those people in a room, explore with them, speak to them, go on a journey with them.
[01:19:04.000 -> 01:19:05.260] You can't go too far wrong
[01:19:08.780 -> 01:19:13.700] Thank you as always everyone for listening to today's high-performance podcast Don't forget you can also check us out on YouTube if you want to watch the interviews not just listen to them
[01:19:13.820 -> 01:19:20.280] Find our YouTube channel. There's some great content on there as well. Check out the high-performance podcast comm have a brilliant week
[01:19:20.500 -> 01:19:26.480] Thanks to Finn Ryan to will to Hannah to Eve to to Eve, to Gemma, to everyone involved in the High
[01:19:26.480 -> 01:19:31.280] Performance Podcast. Have a really great day. See loads of you on Friday night in Edinburgh. And
[01:19:31.280 -> 01:19:36.080] remember, there is no secret. It is all there for you. Be your own biggest cheerleader. Make
[01:19:36.080 -> 01:19:58.800] world-class basics your calling card. And remember, you deserve them. Listen, be kind to yourselves. See you next week.
[01:20:00.720 -> 01:20:02.780] you