E10 - Kelly Holmes: 20% talent, 80% mindset

Double Olympic Champion Col. Dame Kelly Holmes is one of the UK’s most popular athletes. Kelly is an Olympic, Commonwealth and European champion that has achieved seven Gold, eight Silver and four Bronze medals throughout her career. This includes her double win in the 800m and 1500m at the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens, becoming the first Briton in over 80 years to do so. Kelly won BBC Sports Personality of the Year, European Athlete of the Year and was honoured with a Damehood from the Queen. In 2018, Kelly was appointed Honorary Colonel of the Royal Armoured Corps making it the first time an individual has been appointed Honorary Colonel to a regular unit.

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**Section 1: Introduction and Background of Kelly Holmes**

- Kelly Holmes, a distinguished British athlete, achieved numerous accolades throughout her career, including double Olympic gold medals in the 800m and 1500m races at the 2004 Athens Games.
- She was the first Briton in over 80 years to accomplish this feat.
- Holmes received various honors, including BBC Sports Personality of the Year and European Athlete of the Year, and was bestowed with a Damehood by Queen Elizabeth II.
- In 2018, she was appointed Honorary Colonel of the Royal Armoured Corps, a groundbreaking recognition for an individual in a regular unit.

**Section 2: Kelly Holmes' Early Life and Journey to the Army**

- At the age of 14, Kelly Holmes expressed her aspirations to become an Olympic champion and a physical training instructor in the army.
- She faced challenges in school due to her struggles with academics.
- Holmes joined the army at 18, seeking a sense of purpose, discipline, and the opportunity to travel.
- She worked various jobs before enlisting, including a stint as a nursing assistant.

**Section 3: The Significance of Identity and Resilience in Holmes' Life**

- Holmes emphasizes the importance of identity and resilience in overcoming challenges.
- She reflects on her upbringing, which lacked a strong sense of identity due to being the only mixed-race person in a predominantly white environment.
- Holmes experienced bullying and feelings of inadequacy during her school years.
- Despite these obstacles, she developed resilience and determination, fueled by her passion for sports.

**Section 4: The Role of Sports in Shaping Holmes' Identity and Success**

- Sports became a defining factor in Kelly Holmes' life, providing her with a sense of identity and purpose.
- At the age of 13, she won the English Schools Championships in the 1500 meters, marking the beginning of her athletic success.
- Holmes' victory inspired her to pursue her Olympic dreams, which she visualized and declared to her friends.
- She credits her physical education teacher for recognizing her potential and encouraging her to focus on her running.

**Section 5: The Road to Olympic Glory and the Challenges Faced**

- Holmes' journey to becoming an Olympic champion was marked by both triumphs and setbacks.
- She experienced numerous injuries throughout her career, including ruptured calves, torn meniscus, and stress fractures.
- Despite these physical challenges, Holmes remained determined and resilient, fighting through the pain and setbacks.
- She faced mental and emotional struggles, including a breakdown in 2003, which led to self-harm.
- Holmes reflects on the importance of recognizing and addressing mental health issues in sports.

**Section 6: The Essence of High Performance and the Breakdown Experience**

- Kelly Holmes believes that high performers possess a unique ability to push through pain barriers, both physical and emotional.
- She emphasizes the significance of setting milestones and continually striving for improvement.
- Holmes describes her breakdown as a chemical imbalance that resulted in an emotional explosion.
- She acknowledges that recognizing and addressing mental health issues is crucial for athletes.

**Section 7: Lessons Learned and Advice for Aspiring High Performers**

- Holmes reflects on the lessons she learned throughout her journey, emphasizing the importance of resilience, determination, and self-belief.
- She advises aspiring high performers to embrace challenges, learn from setbacks, and surround themselves with positive influences.
- Holmes highlights the value of having a strong support system, including coaches, mentors, and teammates, who can provide guidance and encouragement.

**Overall Conclusion**

Kelly Holmes' journey as a high performer is a testament to the power of resilience, determination, and the transformative impact of sports. Her story serves as an inspiration to aspiring athletes and individuals seeking to achieve excellence in their chosen fields.

**Navigating Life's Challenges: Lessons from Olympic Champion Kelly Holmes**

**Introduction:**

In this insightful podcast episode, Olympic champion Kelly Holmes shares her incredible journey, highlighting the importance of mental resilience, self-responsibility, and finding positivity amidst adversity. Her story serves as a powerful reminder that success is not just about talent but also about the ability to overcome challenges and embrace a growth mindset.

**Key Points:**

1. **Fault vs. Responsibility:**

- Kelly emphasizes the distinction between fault and responsibility. While she acknowledges that she didn't choose to experience care homes, learning disabilities, or a nervous breakdown, she took responsibility for her actions and sought ways to improve her situation.

- She stresses the importance of avoiding a victim mentality and instead focusing on finding solutions and taking control of one's life.

2. **The Power of Positivity:**

- Kelly credits her ability to turn negatives into positives as a key factor in her success. Even during her darkest moments, she sought out glimmers of hope and reminded herself of her goals.

- She encourages listeners to adopt a similar mindset, recognizing that challenges can often lead to personal growth and resilience.

3. **The Importance of Support:**

- Kelly acknowledges the role of mentorship and support in her journey. She established a mentoring program to help young athletes navigate the challenges of high-performance sports.

- She emphasizes the value of having people who believe in you and can provide guidance and encouragement during difficult times.

4. **Mental Resilience and Self-Belief:**

- Kelly highlights the importance of mental resilience and self-belief in achieving success. She stresses that talent alone is not enough; it is the ability to push through setbacks and maintain a strong mindset that ultimately makes the difference.

- She shares her experiences of overcoming injuries, setbacks, and emotional struggles, demonstrating the power of perseverance and self-confidence.

5. **The Journey to Athens:**

- Kelly reflects on her journey to the 2004 Athens Olympics, where she won two gold medals. She describes the intense pressure and scrutiny she faced, as well as the challenges she overcame to achieve her dream.

- She emphasizes the importance of setting goals, staying focused, and maintaining a positive attitude, even in the face of adversity.

6. **The Importance of Legacy:**

- Kelly discusses the significance of legacy in sports and beyond. She believes that true legacy is built over time and through tangible results, rather than just through immediate success.

- She encourages listeners to focus on creating a lasting impact through their actions and contributions, rather than seeking short-term recognition.

7. **Golden Rule for a High-Performance Life:**

- Kelly concludes the interview by sharing her golden rule for living a high-performance life: believe in yourself. She emphasizes the importance of self-belief and having the confidence to pursue one's goals, regardless of the challenges that may arise.

**Conclusion:**

Kelly Holmes' inspiring story serves as a reminder that success is not just about talent or luck, but also about resilience, self-responsibility, and a positive mindset. Her journey highlights the importance of embracing challenges, learning from setbacks, and never giving up on one's dreams.

# Double Olympic Champion Col. Dame Kelly Holmes: A Journey of Triumph and Inspiration

In this captivating podcast episode, we delve into the remarkable life and achievements of Double Olympic Champion Col. Dame Kelly Holmes, one of the UK's most celebrated athletes. With an illustrious career spanning multiple Olympic, Commonwealth, and European championships, Kelly has amassed an impressive collection of medals, including seven gold, eight silver, and four bronze. Her crowning moment came at the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens, where she became the first Briton in over 80 years to win both the 800m and 1500m races, securing her place in sporting history.

Beyond her athletic accomplishments, Kelly's contributions to the world of sports and beyond have earned her widespread recognition and accolades. She was honored with the BBC Sports Personality of the Year award, the European Athlete of the Year title, and the prestigious Damehood from the Queen. In a groundbreaking move, Kelly was appointed Honorary Colonel of the Royal Armored Corps in 2018, marking a significant milestone as the first individual to hold this position in a regular unit.

Throughout the podcast, Kelly candidly shares her insights on the delicate balance between talent and softer qualities in achieving sporting excellence. She emphasizes that while talent plays a crucial role in reaching the highest levels of competition, it is the combination of mental fortitude, resilience, and determination that ultimately propels athletes into the realm of high performance. This powerful message serves as an inspiration to aspiring athletes and anyone seeking to excel in their chosen field.

Kelly's honesty and openness in discussing her personal and professional journey make this podcast episode a truly compelling listen. Her remarkable achievements, coupled with her humble and reflective nature, paint a vivid picture of a champion who has not only conquered the world of athletics but has also left an indelible mark on the hearts and minds of sports enthusiasts worldwide.

[00:00.000 -> 00:05.000] Hiya, it's Jay Comfrey, you're listening to High Performance.
[00:05.000 -> 00:09.000] Thanks for coming back for more and I'm glad you have because this is what's in store for
[00:09.000 -> 00:10.000] you.
[00:10.000 -> 00:14.880] You know, who else at 14 can actually say, I had these dreams, they were going to take
[00:14.880 -> 00:16.680] forever, they were the fluffy cloud up there.
[00:16.680 -> 00:20.640] It might have taken 20 years for one of them, you know, and however many for the other one,
[00:20.640 -> 00:21.640] but I did it.
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[02:43.640 -> 02:48.000] you're listening to high-performance the podcast that delves into the minds of
[02:48.000 -> 02:52.600] some of the most successful athletes visionaries entrepreneurs and artists on
[02:52.600 -> 02:56.440] the planet and aims to unlock the very secrets to their success and look you
[02:56.440 -> 02:59.520] can't do a job like this alone thankfully Damien Hughes professor an
[02:59.520 -> 03:03.240] expert in the field of high-performing teams and cultures is alongside me once
[03:03.240 -> 03:08.880] again yet today professor we're not talking about someone who excelled necessarily
[03:08.880 -> 03:13.120] in a team, we're talking about someone whose probably biggest moment in their
[03:13.120 -> 03:17.680] life came as individual glory. This person is fascinating. When I told my mum
[03:17.680 -> 03:22.680] who we were meeting today, this was the most excited she's been of all our guests
[03:22.680 -> 03:28.680] because she really admires this person for both her strength and resilience but also for
[03:28.680 -> 03:33.480] her humility and just her quiet dignity so I'm really looking forward to
[03:33.480 -> 03:37.800] exploring a little bit more. Let's do it then, let's dive into a conversation about
[03:37.800 -> 03:41.160] living a high performance life with someone who suddenly is blushing
[03:41.160 -> 03:45.600] She conquered the world from the British military to the British Olympic
[03:45.600 -> 03:49.480] team. Today's guest though didn't stop at double Olympic glory. She went on to form
[03:49.480 -> 03:54.480] foundations to take part in TV shows, to write books, to become a Dame, to return to the
[03:54.480 -> 03:58.880] military roots and so much more. So what has she learned along the way? And even if you
[03:58.880 -> 04:05.760] can't run fast, how can her high-performance life
[04:02.320 -> 04:15.960] inspire you? Welcome to the podcast Dame
[04:05.760 -> 04:18.000] Kelly Holmes. Colonel now, yes. Wow. Colonel with
[04:15.960 -> 04:20.560] the Royal Armoured Corps, which is really nice
[04:18.000 -> 04:24.080] because it you realize how, so I was
[04:20.560 -> 04:26.200] in the military for 10 years and then I
[04:24.080 -> 04:25.920] continued my athletics career
[04:25.920 -> 04:29.280] and then obviously been out for a while but you realize I look back now and
[04:29.280 -> 04:33.520] realize the values that I had from the army still instilled through my other
[04:33.520 -> 04:37.960] role so you know about courage and discipline and respect and selfless
[04:37.960 -> 04:41.400] commitment all those things are very much what I probably up here to with
[04:41.400 -> 04:48.340] everything I do. Why did you feel the need to join the army at 18? What was the thinking behind that? Well I was not
[04:48.340 -> 04:54.080] academic at all at school, at all, and so you know being in a classroom getting
[04:54.080 -> 05:00.000] exam results didn't happen. And what happened was is I had a careers officers
[05:00.000 -> 05:03.600] came basically and they showed us that the army, navy and the air force and I
[05:03.600 -> 05:07.960] wasn't inspired by the Air Force because of you know it was the administration side
[05:07.960 -> 05:11.680] I couldn't swim when I was 14 so ships at sea was not going to happen and then
[05:11.680 -> 05:14.360] I saw these soldiers and they were just all they were doing is screaming and
[05:14.360 -> 05:17.440] shouting at all the other soldiers literally going underneath the scramble
[05:17.440 -> 05:21.400] net and over the 12 foot wall and I was like oh my god and it felt like a sense
[05:21.400 -> 05:26.160] of if I could get into the army I proved I could be someone and if I could get Ac roedd yn teimlo fel, o ran, os oeddwn i'n gallu mynd i'r army, roeddwn i'n darparu bod yn rhywun.
[05:26.160 -> 05:29.840] Ac os oeddwn i'n gallu mynd i'r army, roeddwn i'n mynd i'r army o ran disyplyn a chweithio'n anodd.
[05:29.840 -> 05:34.080] Ac roeddwn i'n teimlo fel a oeddwn i'n angen y strwythur hwnnw, yn ystod fy mod i'n iawn.
[05:34.080 -> 05:39.360] Felly, ie, felly roeddwn i'n ceisio mynd i mewn, ac roeddwn i'n dod i mewn pan oeddwn i'n 17 a 10 mlynedd.
[05:39.360 -> 05:42.160] Felly, a oedd y strwythur hwnnw'n rhywbeth rydych chi wedi'i ddifrifio?
[05:42.160 -> 05:49.000] Oherwydd roedd eich mam yn cael eich bod chi ar y byd ychydig yn ifanc ac yna roedd eich bod chi mewn gofal ymdrechion ar gyfer eich blant?
[05:49.000 -> 05:52.000] Ie, yn y gofalau gofal.
[05:52.000 -> 05:57.000] A oedd y strwythur sy'n ymdrech i chi yna, oedd oedd o'n rhywbeth arall na hynny?
[05:57.000 -> 06:06.320] Ie, rwy'n credu of what the army could bring because it had
[06:06.320 -> 06:10.060] the sporting element but I didn't join for the sport, I did join to meet people
[06:10.060 -> 06:13.800] to be able to potentially travel to actually have a career because I never
[06:13.800 -> 06:17.880] know I never heard the word university when I was a kid I didn't have no idea
[06:17.880 -> 06:24.280] about what I would do and so my early early days actually I you know I got I
[06:24.280 -> 06:25.360] did my work experience at a
[06:25.360 -> 06:29.600] local leisure center then I did some work over a local army barracks and then
[06:29.600 -> 06:33.920] I was a nursing assistant which was completely random but it's about helping
[06:33.920 -> 06:41.880] people and then I kind of just felt like that pull of army life would teach me
[06:41.880 -> 06:48.000] about life and teach me to grow up quickly and to do something that nobody i ddysgu am fywyd, i ddysgu i fynd yn fwy gyflym ac i wneud rhywbeth nad oedd unrhyw un arall wedi'i wneud yn fy mhobl ardal.
[06:48.000 -> 06:53.000] Roedd fy ffrindiau yn ymwneud â'r swyddau a oedd yn ymwneud â'r swyddau a oedd yn ymwneud â'r swyddau a oedd yn ymwneud â'r swyddau a oedd yn ymwneud â'r swyddau a oedd yn ymwneud â'r swyddau a oedd yn ymwneud â'r swyddau a oedd yn ymwneud â'r swyddau a oedd yn ymwneud â'r swyddfeydd.
[06:53.000 -> 07:05.500] Doeddwn i ddim eisiau bod yn ymwneud â'r swyddfeydd, oherwydd roeddwn i yn meddwl, beth yw arall i mi? Roeddwn i'n meddwl, roeddwn i'n meddwl, roeddwn i'n meddwl, roeddwn i'n meddwl, roeddwn i'n meddwl, roeddwn i'n meddwl, roeddwn i'n meddwl, roeddwn i'n meddwl, roeddwn i'n meddwl, roeddwn i'n meddwl, roeddwn i'n meddwl, roeddwn i'n meddwl, roeddwn i'n meddwl, roeddwn i'n meddwl, roeddwn i'n meddwl, roeddwn i'n meddwl, roeddwn i'n meddwl, roeddwn i'n fwy o ddewis i hynny. Ond mae eich mam yn fy ffasinoi, felly pan roeddwn i'n darllen am eich gwirionedd,
[07:05.500 -> 07:07.000] ac rwy'n credu, rwy'n dweud yn y cyfieithu,
[07:07.000 -> 07:10.000] bod fy mam yn eich lle llai iawn,
[07:10.000 -> 07:13.000] oherwydd rwy'n credu ei fod wedi gweld eich anoddiaeth,
[07:13.000 -> 07:16.000] ond y gofod i ddweud y gwirionedd.
[07:16.000 -> 07:18.000] Ond dyna'r sgrifennol,
[07:18.000 -> 07:19.000] pan ddweudais am eich mam,
[07:19.000 -> 07:23.000] roedd e'n rhywun sydd wedi'i ddarbarthu ar dynion anodd,
[07:23.000 -> 07:26.240] ond roedd hynny'n ymwneud â cyfansodd i chi ac roedd yn ddiddorol
[07:26.240 -> 07:31.280] o ran pa ffyrdd oedd eich bod chi'n teimlo yn ymwneud â nhw. Ie, roeddwn i'n defnyddio i
[07:31.280 -> 07:36.480] gofyn, rydw i'n dweud i chi, i mi, i fy mhaer, dwi ddim yn meddwl oherwydd mae'n ddifrifol yn un ffordd
[07:36.480 -> 07:46.420] rydw i'n dweud, yn hyfforddus, yn ymdrech, rydw i ddim eisiau i mi ymswydd, roedd hi'n dweud, oh my god, rydw i'n med I think I took from her, so she had me when she was 17,
[07:47.420 -> 07:54.400] you know in the 70s when it was very taboo to me with a mixed-race guy who she'd had me with, I didn't know him.
[07:55.220 -> 07:57.220] When we went back to Kent she
[07:57.620 -> 07:59.340] was told by
[07:59.340 -> 08:09.220] her dad, my granddad, that she couldn't look after me until she could look after herself because she was 17 having a kid being about whiter than white Kent and so I
[08:09.220 -> 08:13.520] then got put in the care home but before that we were in mum and baby units you
[08:13.520 -> 08:18.640] know she'd have her own flat and then when the adoption services came
[08:18.640 -> 08:22.320] literally to take me away that day with a family she had to sign the papers but
[08:22.320 -> 08:28.260] she refused to sign the papers you know I to sign the papers. You know, I'm going to make sure I get her back. So what I had, I know, is that fight.
[08:28.260 -> 08:32.500] You know, that kind of, no, if I want to do something, I'm going to do it. And that I
[08:32.500 -> 08:37.500] know that I've kind of picked up with her, is that kind of resilience to when you get
[08:37.500 -> 08:42.700] against all odds, you can give up or you can go, I'm not going to give up. So I feel, you
[08:42.700 -> 08:50.320] know, I'm really pleased that I've had that part of her in there. Anything to do with sport or anything else, there was nothing.
[08:50.320 -> 08:56.680] But yeah so we had a you know very on and off relationship because when you're a
[08:56.680 -> 09:02.060] teenager you know I grew up with my stepdad Mick since I was five and then
[09:02.060 -> 09:08.680] she sort of left him at 17 so I've more got close to her him rather than her and then I went into the army and we didn't speak and
[09:08.680 -> 09:12.240] then you start getting back because she's your mum and I didn't know any
[09:12.240 -> 09:16.880] other blood related people until I met my sister and brother when I was 16 in a
[09:16.880 -> 09:23.120] supermarket but hey that's another story. Wow what a story. So yeah so it's just
[09:23.120 -> 09:26.280] those little I suppose elements of your background
[09:26.280 -> 09:31.080] So I think the key for me is I didn't feel I had a really good identity when I was younger
[09:31.320 -> 09:38.480] So I was in school in both my primary school my secondary school. The only mixed-race person I
[09:40.000 -> 09:44.260] Didn't have any sense of how I could connect educationally
[09:44.260 -> 09:49.420] I think if they'd actually looked into it like they do now I probably was dyslexic, you know, I couldn't read properly
[09:49.420 -> 09:52.080] I didn't write properly all of those things
[09:52.080 -> 09:58.380] So I just had to go through life fighting to be good and then of course sport which we'll talk about became my driver my identity
[09:58.380 -> 10:05.020] But back then, you know, I I think I learned quite early on and I don't know why when you're different
[10:05.020 -> 10:10.040] it doesn't mean you should then have that attitude that that's a negative I
[10:10.040 -> 10:14.600] was thought I'm different so I'm unique I don't want to be like everybody else I
[10:14.600 -> 10:18.640] want to stand out so I had a different in my head you know when you're in the
[10:18.640 -> 10:22.520] middle of a group of white kids and you're the only brown person and
[10:22.520 -> 10:28.000] boney M brown girl in the ring comes on you can take that two ways right when you're stuffed in the middle you can
[10:28.000 -> 10:33.160] either take it like ah they're picking on you or you can go yeah so I'm the
[10:33.160 -> 10:36.860] sugar in the plum plum plum you know and I had that attitude really young and I'm
[10:36.860 -> 10:40.240] really pleased that I did because I don't know has that been in the life
[10:40.240 -> 10:44.480] that you've always yeah yeah you know to have an identity that actually if you're
[10:44.480 -> 10:46.000] different doesn't matter there is research on this that's been done with byddwch chi'n byw yn y byd y byddwch chi wedi byw. Mae'n bwysig, ie, i gael unigolhedd a phosib, os ydych chi'n gwahanol, dydyn ni ddim yn bwysig.
[10:46.000 -> 10:48.000] Mae ymchwil yma ar hynny a'i wneud gyda
[10:48.000 -> 10:50.000] gynhyrchion cyhoeddus, yn enwedig
[10:50.000 -> 10:52.000] yn y ffyrdd o Olympiaid a chwaraeon,
[10:52.000 -> 10:54.000] y bydd trama
[10:54.000 -> 10:56.000] yn creu cymorth, y gwybodaethau
[10:56.000 -> 10:58.000] anodd,
[10:58.000 -> 11:00.000] yn rhoi rhai o'r
[11:00.000 -> 11:02.000] ymddygiadau i fynd ymlaen a gynhyrchu
[11:02.000 -> 11:04.000] ar lefel elit. Pa mor ffordd byddwch chi'n
[11:04.000 -> 11:05.000] ymddygiadu gyda hynny, Kallai?? Pa mor ffordd y byddwch chi'n ei ddefnyddio gyda'r cynnig?
[11:05.000 -> 11:07.000] Ie, mwy na hwnnw.
[11:07.000 -> 11:10.000] Dwi'n meddwl efallai y bydd y bobl chwaraeon yn ei gysylltu â'r cynnig
[11:10.000 -> 11:12.000] a mae pobl yn dweud, yw'n ymwneud â natur neu'n ymwneud â'r cynnig?
[11:12.000 -> 11:14.000] Dwi'n meddwl, efallai, un o'r ddau, ond rwy'n credu
[11:14.000 -> 11:16.000] y byddwch yn rhaid i chi gael ei gynhyrchu gyda chi i gael
[11:16.000 -> 11:18.000] y gynllun ychydig yn y gynllun, y gêm,
[11:18.000 -> 11:20.000] a'r math o'n i'n mynd i'w wneud.
[11:20.000 -> 11:22.000] A oes gennych chi unrhyw ddiwedd
[11:22.000 -> 11:24.000] lle rydych chi wedi'i ddewis
[11:24.000 -> 11:26.880] y byddwch chi'n mynd i'w gynnal y gêm ynfyrdd yn ymwneud â'r ffordd o'i ystyried fel
[11:26.880 -> 11:27.960] fictiwn?
[11:27.960 -> 11:33.760] Yn unig fel plant, rwy'n credu bod, rwy'n gwybod, mae'n anodd iawn i'w ystyried, oherwydd pan ydych chi'n
[11:33.760 -> 11:40.320] dynol, sut mae gennych y sgiliau hynny i'w wneud, ond rwy'n teimlo fel bod yr hyn rydw i'n gwybod yn y
[11:40.320 -> 11:47.780] ddiwedd, roedd pawb rydw i'n ei weld, fel y gwnawn ni yn y staff yma nawr, roedd pawb yn ddwylo i mi, felly dydw i ddim wedi meddwl unrhyw beth, oherwydd dydw i ddim yn gallu ei weld, felly rwy'n meddwl roeddwn i'n yr un back then was everybody that I see as we do in the room now everyone was white in front of me so I never thought anything because I can't see myself so I just
[11:47.780 -> 11:50.200] thought I was the same as everybody else you know there's only other people
[11:50.200 -> 11:54.020] identifying that you're different but skin color doesn't mean that inside you
[11:54.020 -> 11:57.860] how you're born how you're brought up how you're educated what you're told
[11:57.860 -> 12:01.480] what you're taught is different to that next person I wasn't brought up in a
[12:01.480 -> 12:04.260] Jamaican family or in a black environment I don't know it I have no
[12:04.260 -> 12:09.000] connection but it's hard to articulate that to people that don't understand it
[12:09.000 -> 12:13.160] Whereas in my youth it was just like they're all my mates, you know, we were just friends
[12:13.160 -> 12:18.320] So I think I was lucky that I didn't have that kind of you know, hard-hitting bullying or anything
[12:18.320 -> 12:19.120] I was younger
[12:19.120 -> 12:29.720] So I think then I took that into secondary school where I just felt useless all the time. I was outside the classroom, I felt like I'm just a failure, no one give a shit
[12:29.720 -> 12:35.560] because I was just like you know just the girl with no name until athletics
[12:35.560 -> 12:40.320] took its hold you know and then suddenly I'm winning everything you know my P.E.s
[12:40.320 -> 12:43.600] teacher saying like if you're going to be good if you want to be good you've
[12:43.600 -> 12:46.200] got to start focusing and believing you can be good because you're
[12:46.200 -> 12:50.320] better than all of these at this you might be outside the classroom, you've got to sort that out
[12:50.320 -> 12:53.520] but you're better than everybody here and I was like oh my god somebody's
[12:53.520 -> 12:59.560] actually told me I can be good. So was sport the first time in your life that
[12:59.560 -> 13:07.100] you experienced success? Yeah in terms of what age a feeling within six months of starting running
[13:07.100 -> 13:09.560] I was all in school champion when I was 13
[13:09.560 -> 13:12.300] But then I won the mini youth Olympic Games when I was 17
[13:12.300 -> 13:16.000] So I actually won a gold medal in the 800 meters when I was 17 years old
[13:16.000 -> 13:19.360] You see that is absolutely vital, isn't it? Because you've gone through
[13:19.920 -> 13:22.440] between 13 14 15 years of
[13:23.040 -> 13:25.080] Being told you're different
[13:25.120 -> 13:29.040] Being the only mixed-race person in a white environment being chucked out of classrooms
[13:29.640 -> 13:31.460] going into children's homes
[13:31.460 -> 13:37.680] Wondering what your family history is wondering whether you'll ever have a relationship with your family and then suddenly
[13:38.480 -> 13:41.360] Sport is the first moment where you go
[13:42.040 -> 13:47.380] Wow, that is what it feels like a to be successful but also to be
[13:47.380 -> 13:53.240] celebrated by other people yeah so when you look at it like that no wonder that
[13:53.240 -> 13:58.120] then determined your life because suddenly you related sport to feeling
[13:58.120 -> 14:02.560] like you've never felt before absolutely I mean when I won that first English
[14:02.560 -> 14:08.400] Schools Championships 1500 meters I came back and there was all this bunting outside the house, you know the old-fashioned bunting.
[14:08.400 -> 14:14.080] I've got a picture of it somewhere, you know like a piece of white paper with a handwritten
[14:14.520 -> 14:20.760] Welcome home Kelly type thing and there's me and my stepdad outside, me with a big afro and then people in a slurt.
[14:20.760 -> 14:24.040] You know those little things just like wow and then
[14:24.680 -> 14:25.640] sport literally
[14:25.640 -> 14:29.600] took up my life because we didn't have a bus to go to school so I used to cycle to school,
[14:29.600 -> 14:34.080] do whatever at school, cycle to train and do train and come back. That was my life as
[14:34.080 -> 14:37.600] a teen. I didn't go out partying, didn't go out with mates, I went round the house maybe
[14:37.600 -> 14:39.560] a couple of times. I loved it.
[14:39.560 -> 14:42.040] So where did that mindset then come from?
[14:42.040 -> 14:45.040] I loved winning,
[14:42.480 -> 14:46.840] watching the Olympic Games when I was 14,
[14:45.040 -> 14:49.760] I watched Sebastian Coe within 1500
[14:46.840 -> 14:54.880] meters. Was this the 84? Yeah, 84,
[14:49.760 -> 14:56.960] yeah I'm that old. 84 Olympic
[14:54.880 -> 14:59.200] Games, Sebastian Coe won the 1500
[14:56.960 -> 15:02.400] meters. I was already 1500 meter running
[14:59.200 -> 15:05.040] by then. I literally got goose bumps
[15:02.400 -> 15:07.280] inside me, like in my core and I went back to school and I told my best friends,
[15:07.280 -> 15:10.680] Kerry, Lara, and Kim, I am gonna be Olympic champion.
[15:10.680 -> 15:12.800] And they said, yes, you probably are,
[15:12.800 -> 15:14.920] because that's the only thing you're bloody good at.
[15:14.920 -> 15:17.080] Which was true.
[15:18.360 -> 15:21.280] But it was just that moment of, wow,
[15:21.280 -> 15:23.700] I love the whole thing about the Olympics,
[15:23.700 -> 15:27.320] you know, kind of the Olympic
[15:24.920 -> 15:29.280] rings what it meant you know the
[15:27.320 -> 15:31.440] history of it seeing success people on
[15:29.280 -> 15:33.640] a rostrum national anthem playing
[15:31.440 -> 15:35.600] British flag flying like medal around
[15:33.640 -> 15:37.440] the neck and I was like oh my god you know
[15:35.600 -> 15:39.480] I just felt it it was just something like
[15:37.440 -> 15:40.680] literally went through my body and I
[15:39.480 -> 15:42.440] knew that day that's what I wanted to
[15:40.680 -> 15:45.000] be. But you used a lovely phrase before
[15:42.440 -> 16:06.440] quite a moving phrase so I love the one where you said about I was the girl oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd y peth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd the pheth oedd We're still friends to this day, it's my PE teacher, because it was her that actually said to me, Kelly, you can be good.
[16:06.440 -> 16:10.040] Just having an identity is so important, you know, for anybody.
[16:10.040 -> 16:13.640] Knowing where they're going to go, what they're going to do, what they want to do, finding
[16:13.640 -> 16:15.080] passion.
[16:15.080 -> 16:20.240] I feel lucky that I had the upbringing I had, lucky that I had those feelings inside me
[16:20.240 -> 16:24.400] at a very young age, you know, because two dreams were to be in the army as a physical
[16:24.400 -> 16:27.800] training instructor and to be Olympic champion champion and I've done both.
[16:27.800 -> 16:31.480] Who else at 14 can actually say I had these dreams they were going to
[16:31.480 -> 16:34.880] take forever, they were the fluffy cloud up there, it might have taken 20 years for
[16:34.880 -> 16:38.920] one of them, you know, however many for the other one, but I did it. So actually
[16:38.920 -> 16:43.720] everything before that period of time was probably that little bit of grounding,
[16:43.720 -> 16:48.320] fight for it, if you want it don't give up. When you're an adult, you start thinking about all
[16:48.320 -> 16:52.660] the little incidences that have happened along the way where you could have just
[16:52.660 -> 16:56.000] given up, you could have cried, you could have said I'm not good enough yourself,
[16:56.000 -> 16:59.960] you could have listened to what people said, but I believe that to become
[16:59.960 -> 17:03.920] the Olympic champion I did was some of the traits from being young, thinking no
[17:03.920 -> 17:06.560] I'm going to do this, you think I can't, I'm going to, but that was, na, rydw i'n mynd i'w wneud hynny, rydw i'n meddwl, rydw i'n mynd i'w wneud hynny,
[17:06.560 -> 17:08.880] ond roeddwn i mewn ymdrech, dyna'r unig peth rydw i'n gwybod y gallwn ei wneud,
[17:08.880 -> 17:10.320] dydw i ddim yn gallu ei wneud mewn unrhyw beth eraill.
[17:10.320 -> 17:15.440] Rwy'n cofio'r llyfr y gwnes i chi gynhyrchu eich ddarn ym mis I Genedlaethau 2004,
[17:15.440 -> 17:18.480] ac roedd yna ddod o'r ffordd yn mynd i'r ffordd sy'n mynd i'r ffordd y gwnes i chi ynghylch y gwnaethwch chi ysgrifennu
[17:18.480 -> 17:22.320] llawer i gael i hyn, ac rydw i eisiau un o'r blwyddyn lle gallwn i fynd drosnoi hynny
[17:22.320 -> 17:26.000] heb gysylltiad a'r ymdrech i gaelliad, i ddod allan i gael fy nhafnid.
[17:26.000 -> 17:28.000] Dyma'r ffrasau rydych chi wedi'i ddefnyddio.
[17:28.000 -> 17:30.000] Pa mor amser rydych chi wedi mynd
[17:30.000 -> 17:32.000] i'r broblem o ddewis yn ôl
[17:32.000 -> 17:34.000] a'ch gwrthwynebion
[17:34.000 -> 17:36.000] i'w ddod allan i'w ddod allan?
[17:36.000 -> 17:38.000] I roi'r sylwad o hyder?
[17:38.000 -> 17:40.000] Felly fel athleta, ro'iwn i'n ddiafelinio'r ddiarys
[17:40.000 -> 17:42.000] bob blwyddyn, ac mae gen i'r un o'n
[17:42.000 -> 17:44.000] o'n 13 oed.
[17:44.000 -> 17:48.600] Ro'n i'n ddiafelinio'r diarys. Ro'n i'n ddiafelinio'r diarys. ones from when I was 13 so I wrote diaries. You were doing that at 13 as well though? Yeah just writing, well just notes about main training like how I felt or...
[17:48.600 -> 17:53.800] Where did that come from then? Because that's very smart to do that when you when you talk
[17:53.800 -> 17:57.240] about the fact that really everything was a bit of a struggle apart from the
[17:57.240 -> 18:02.400] sport so how did you suddenly apply such a kind of smart scientific approach to
[18:02.400 -> 18:06.600] your sport? I loved it you know, literally it was my life back
[18:06.600 -> 18:10.200] then so everything I wanted to be Olympic champion you can't just turn up
[18:10.200 -> 18:12.960] and be an Olympic champion. Who told you that though? That you can't just turn up and be
[18:12.960 -> 18:17.760] Olympic champion? Because I knew that to to be able to get into Olympic games
[18:17.760 -> 18:22.320] you'd have to break two minutes you know I was running 250 something as a kid you
[18:22.320 -> 18:26.080] know so I knew it was a long-term piece but I
[18:26.080 -> 18:32.240] suppose within, so that diary you referred to with the 2004, when I wrote that
[18:32.240 -> 18:36.840] passage in the diary, which I then put in my autobiography, it was really about
[18:36.840 -> 18:40.520] everything that I felt like I just kept thinking I was cursed at this time, I
[18:40.520 -> 18:43.880] think and everything was knocking me back, so basically in 2003 for the listeners
[18:43.880 -> 18:48.120] who don't know, during my career I was already 12 years as an international
[18:48.120 -> 18:54.280] athlete. I'd left the army when I was 27. I'd been in there for 10 years. I had
[18:54.280 -> 18:59.020] just a massive breakdown like literally to the point that I didn't want to be
[18:59.020 -> 19:03.080] here anymore and I was in a training camp getting ready for a world
[19:03.080 -> 19:07.000] championships. I'd already been injured for many years but won lots of medals.
[19:07.000 -> 19:14.000] I was having highs and lows for all these years, fighting back. No one knew the story behind half of my medals.
[19:14.000 -> 19:20.000] I'd be on the track and get a silver or a bronze and people were like, oh Ayrshire Oak silver or bronze, she wasn't champion.
[19:20.000 -> 19:29.000] I was like, you have no idea, I shouldn't have even been at this track. You know, there's all those things that was happening. This period of time, I was getting ready for World Champs, we were in a camp and I went
[19:29.000 -> 19:35.160] into the bathroom and basically broke down, crying inside, screaming inside, you know,
[19:35.160 -> 19:38.800] when you see somebody in pain, you see their heart breaking but you can't shout it out
[19:38.800 -> 19:39.800] because people are outside.
[19:39.800 -> 19:43.760] I saw some scissors, starting to cut myself, became a self-harmer that day, didn't know
[19:43.760 -> 19:45.120] anything about self-harming,
[19:45.120 -> 19:46.080] didn't know about depression,
[19:46.080 -> 19:47.200] didn't know about breakdown,
[19:47.200 -> 19:48.200] did not want to be there.
[19:48.200 -> 19:50.320] I mean, how I didn't do something else
[19:50.320 -> 19:53.180] was because I still had a dream.
[19:53.180 -> 19:55.600] I try to articulate it on stage.
[19:55.600 -> 19:58.060] When half of you is actually dying inside
[19:58.060 -> 20:01.560] and half of you wants to be successful and driven,
[20:01.560 -> 20:04.720] that's the hardest fight.
[20:04.720 -> 20:06.480] It's not necessarily the fight of what
[20:06.480 -> 20:11.200] you're doing because at that time it's red mist, black dog, black hole, tunnel
[20:11.200 -> 20:17.160] whatever, but I had such something inside me, I always believed I'd be Olympic
[20:17.160 -> 20:20.840] champion. I don't know what it was. Even through the depths of despair, even
[20:20.840 -> 20:23.680] through the injuries I had, ruptured calves, torniculus, you know, stress
[20:23.680 -> 20:27.440] scratches, schlanger fever, all in my international career I always woke up
[20:27.440 -> 20:31.560] thinking I'm gonna be Olympic champion and I don't know why that was I always
[20:31.560 -> 20:35.600] believe in fate I mean you know there's a big thing in fate I believe that went
[20:35.600 -> 20:40.200] through the journey could have given up didn't then I get two gold medals you
[20:40.200 -> 20:45.240] know payback but yeah there's little things which make you as a high
[20:45.240 -> 20:48.400] performer, because also different, I think something different in an
[20:48.400 -> 20:55.280] individual sport has to be some resolve inside you that can go through a pain
[20:55.280 -> 20:58.520] barrier and that's whether that's physical or emotional, that kind of can
[20:58.520 -> 21:02.920] push to that next limit, push to see how far you can get, push to know where you
[21:02.920 -> 21:09.240] can take yourself and I think I just kept pushing those little milestones and obviously the breakdown
[21:09.240 -> 21:13.360] was because I never really reflected on everything before. It's a different era
[21:13.360 -> 21:18.440] back then, you know, you didn't talk about mental health when you went on a
[21:18.440 -> 21:21.960] physio bed, they're treating the injury. Did you feel it coming, the breakdown? Did you
[21:21.960 -> 21:26.880] do you sense it was on its way? No, because I just coped with the highs and lows for so long, you know
[21:26.880 -> 21:30.560] It was almost like I was going through the same old routine, you know
[21:30.560 -> 21:37.080] I'd get injured fight through it get back get a medal get injured fight for it. It was just like normal is becoming like
[21:37.880 -> 21:39.880] Thanks. No, give me a break
[21:40.560 -> 21:44.840] When you talk about going through a breakdown for people that haven't suffered with mental health problems
[21:44.820 -> 21:45.880] When you talk about going through a breakdown for people that haven't suffered with mental health problems
[21:52.260 -> 21:54.900] Is it you wake up in the morning and something happens and that's it. The breakdown has happened. Is it an instantaneous moment? I think so the I think
[21:55.540 -> 22:01.900] The actual breakdown part is you remember where you were when it happened. Yeah, I was in France. I was in
[22:02.420 -> 22:04.420] our apartment and
[22:07.680 -> 22:12.200] I was in France, I was in our apartment and I went into the toilet because I had another little ligal and I just literally exploded.
[22:12.200 -> 22:14.200] I mean I can't explain it anymore.
[22:14.200 -> 22:21.600] Lit in a mirror and everything inside me was just like this explosion of hatred, emotion,
[22:21.600 -> 22:22.600] disappointment.
[22:22.600 -> 22:26.480] I felt like somebody was literally wanting me to fail,
[22:26.480 -> 22:31.320] like literally saying you're not going to do this and I just couldn't cope. But I think
[22:31.320 -> 22:37.480] then that's the point is you can have a bad day, you can have stress, you can have anxiety,
[22:37.480 -> 22:42.320] you can have depression, we can have all of those emotions, we can just have a bad day.
[22:42.320 -> 22:45.320] But the moment you have a breakdown that's a
[22:43.720 -> 22:47.760] different thing I think there's a
[22:45.320 -> 22:50.840] chemical imbalance that's just gone and
[22:47.760 -> 22:52.320] broken you know and I was broken. But in
[22:50.840 -> 22:53.880] hindsight is there anything that you
[22:52.320 -> 22:55.960] think you could any steps you could have
[22:53.880 -> 22:57.840] taken you know before you reach that
[22:55.960 -> 23:00.080] moment of breakdown? Maybe in sport
[22:57.840 -> 23:01.680] people recognizing that emotional
[23:00.080 -> 23:04.200] rollercoaster because when you give your
[23:01.680 -> 23:06.120] life to sport there's no guarantees is
[23:04.200 -> 23:06.020] there you know I had a remember I had
[23:06.020 -> 23:08.400] a secured job I had a pay packet each
[23:08.400 -> 23:10.700] month I had status in the army as a
[23:10.700 -> 23:13.020] sergeant by then I knew my roles my
[23:13.020 -> 23:15.720] expectations I was comfortable with that
[23:15.720 -> 23:18.700] when I left I was putting all my eggs
[23:18.700 -> 23:20.940] let's say in one basket to become an
[23:20.940 -> 23:23.300] Olympic champion so what happens then is
[23:23.300 -> 23:28.180] that every time you're doing something you don't want negative around you, you don't want somebody
[23:28.180 -> 23:31.400] saying you can't achieve because I'm thinking I've got to get to the next
[23:31.400 -> 23:35.200] Games. You know you have Commonwealth Games, European Champs, World Champs and
[23:35.200 -> 23:40.720] Olympics in that four-year cycle. So every year to prove that you're one of
[23:40.720 -> 23:43.400] the best in the world you've got to be at that Championships and you've got to
[23:43.400 -> 23:46.300] win a medal. You know so you can't just go I'm not going to go
[23:46.300 -> 23:51.900] this year it's like no there's no no there's no not you know and being paid
[23:51.900 -> 23:55.720] as an athlete you only ever get paid if you get a sponsor or if you compete I
[23:55.720 -> 24:00.140] was injured so many times on the circuit I didn't get paid to run because I was
[24:00.140 -> 24:04.860] injured so much so I'm putting everything in the medal was never about
[24:04.860 -> 24:05.760] money for me,
[24:05.760 -> 24:07.600] never about fame, never about anything.
[24:07.600 -> 24:10.640] It was about purely proving to myself
[24:10.640 -> 24:13.120] I can be good from back in the day.
[24:13.120 -> 24:14.760] I didn't really care about the money at that stage,
[24:14.760 -> 24:17.480] but you are putting your life into a dream.
[24:17.480 -> 24:18.640] So did you mention your breakdown
[24:18.640 -> 24:20.000] to anyone in British Athletics?
[24:20.000 -> 24:22.120] So in 2000, no, no, no, I didn't mention anyone.
[24:22.120 -> 24:23.120] I didn't know how to.
[24:23.120 -> 24:29.640] How do you explain that you've just gone through something you don't know you've had?
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[27:03.320 -> 27:08.560] Additional taxes, fees and restrictions
[27:05.520 -> 27:10.800] apply. See Mint Mobile for details. We
[27:08.560 -> 27:13.480] talk often on this podcast about fault
[27:10.800 -> 27:15.600] versus responsibility. You are the
[27:13.480 -> 27:17.040] epitome of fault versus
[27:15.600 -> 27:19.040] responsibility because it wasn't your
[27:17.040 -> 27:20.080] fault that you went into care homes, it
[27:19.040 -> 27:22.440] wasn't your fault you didn't know your
[27:20.080 -> 27:24.440] family, it wasn't your fault that you
[27:22.440 -> 27:26.000] weren't right at school and you suffered
[27:24.440 -> 27:28.040] with dyslexia, it wasn't your fault that you weren't right at school and you stuff with dyslexia it wasn't your fault that you had a nervous breakdown but through
[27:28.040 -> 27:33.320] every single step of the way you had to take on the responsibility and I think
[27:33.320 -> 27:36.500] it's such a strong message for people listening to this that you can't live a
[27:36.500 -> 27:42.160] life of blame and live a life of looking at fault live a life of being a victim
[27:42.160 -> 27:45.040] you have no matter how bad it gets,
[27:45.040 -> 27:48.500] and you're talking about contemplating the ultimate act
[27:48.500 -> 27:52.200] and self-harming, no matter how bad it gets,
[27:52.200 -> 27:55.700] trying to find a mindset of responsibility
[27:55.700 -> 27:56.880] is so important.
[27:56.880 -> 28:00.140] Now it really is, and I think if people listening
[28:00.140 -> 28:02.360] get to those stages, I've always had this thing around
[28:02.360 -> 28:04.800] how do you turn a negative into a positive,
[28:04.800 -> 28:07.280] because I think there's always positives into anything that we
[28:07.280 -> 28:11.960] do so even at the brink of having a breakdown if in one side of me saying
[28:11.960 -> 28:15.860] but you know I haven't given up on my athletics yet I'm still this is why I've
[28:15.860 -> 28:20.280] got to that point my dream is still to come I was able to change that
[28:20.280 -> 28:24.240] mindset through one bit even though I'm emotionally still suffering because
[28:24.240 -> 28:29.320] you're a human being. As a sports person having that ability to snap into where's
[28:29.320 -> 28:34.640] those positives and I think when I was at the depths of despair I kept thinking
[28:34.640 -> 28:38.880] this is because I want it so much you know I could give up I could give up
[28:38.880 -> 28:43.720] tomorrow why am I going through this I want this so badly only I can do that
[28:43.720 -> 28:46.160] now so I can pick myself up and I used
[28:46.160 -> 28:51.000] to think to myself especially back then I looked back and go so I've won up
[28:51.000 -> 28:56.960] until that point I'd won nine major medals right and six years of those had
[28:56.960 -> 29:01.880] been in hadn't having injuries yet I still come back with medals I then go at
[29:01.880 -> 29:06.320] the the lowest of the low I'm getting ready for world championships
[29:06.320 -> 29:09.320] and I win a silver medal at that world championships and I still in rush and
[29:09.320 -> 29:12.760] with that around my neck no one knew what was going on, no one knew what was
[29:12.760 -> 29:16.960] happening each night, what I was going through and that you take as a strength
[29:16.960 -> 29:21.720] of character. So I think some people have to remember, they've always had happiness
[29:21.720 -> 29:25.220] somewhere in their life, they've always had things. They know they can do
[29:25.260 -> 29:30.260] They've always had experience that have been great and good. So when you're at that depth of despair
[29:30.260 -> 29:34.760] There's a reason why you've got to that point, you know, there's always a reason why we have a breakdown
[29:34.760 -> 29:38.720] There's always a reason why we go to people go to drugs alcohol
[29:39.800 -> 29:47.660] Self-harming in the way I do it's cut in there's a reason for it. So I knew at that time, my reason was,
[29:48.640 -> 29:53.640] I was hard on myself because I wanted to be good.
[29:53.920 -> 29:55.680] That's throughout my whole life.
[29:55.680 -> 29:57.360] Hard on myself because I believed
[29:57.360 -> 30:00.720] that limpet dream was gonna come.
[30:00.720 -> 30:02.840] And I didn't refuse to give up on it.
[30:02.840 -> 30:05.680] You're the only person, no one else around you,
[30:05.680 -> 30:09.900] the only person who lives with that, if only I did.
[30:09.900 -> 30:12.320] So what you say about this kind of responsibility stuff
[30:12.320 -> 30:15.520] and you mentioned about, did anyone help you?
[30:15.520 -> 30:17.560] In 2004, at the beginning, in January,
[30:17.560 -> 30:21.320] I set up a mentoring program called On Camp with Kelly.
[30:21.320 -> 30:24.560] And what this program was, was to help junior athletes
[30:24.560 -> 30:29.480] learn what it takes to become world-class but everything not just the running around
[30:29.480 -> 30:31.680] the track because if you're running around the track you're on my program if you're
[30:31.680 -> 30:36.560] good enough anyway it was can you go through hard times can you go for people
[30:36.560 -> 30:40.400] putting you down can you go through the pressures of education with your mates
[30:40.400 -> 30:43.600] going out partying and you've got the talent they haven't but they're
[30:43.600 -> 30:47.360] coercing you to go off to there and I was like I'm gonna tell you teach you
[30:47.360 -> 30:50.740] everything it's taken me to get to where I've got this before I won my two gold
[30:50.740 -> 30:54.200] medals so I selected eight girls was going to take them South Africa in the
[30:54.200 -> 30:58.600] October can you imagine they're going with an international athlete middle
[30:58.600 -> 31:03.440] distance runner to South Africa then I won two gold medals and I came back and
[31:03.440 -> 31:08.120] everyone said to me it's no way you're going to take those eight girls you know I had all these jobs open to me
[31:08.120 -> 31:12.040] I could have done everything and I went do you know what my biggest value of
[31:12.040 -> 31:15.960] anything I've learned is to take these girls to South Africa now I've gone
[31:15.960 -> 31:22.800] through highs lows success and I took them South Africa for a month 15 16 17
[31:22.800 -> 31:26.620] year olds had two sort of of helpers and in the end
[31:26.620 -> 31:31.700] that program developed 65 international athletes and these girls all stuck to
[31:31.700 -> 31:37.660] their sports they transitioned because it was about what does it take to
[31:37.660 -> 31:41.660] achieve in your life what you want to achieve it takes everything it takes
[31:41.660 -> 31:44.980] hard times it takes tears it takes resilience, hard work, commitment,
[31:44.980 -> 31:48.320] dedication, people putting down, it takes all of those doesn't it to be good. Mae'n cymryd pob peth, mae'n cymryd amserau anodd, mae'n cymryd llwyr, mae'n cymryd gweithle, gweithio'n anodd, ymdrech, ymdrech, y bobl yn rhoi'n dda. Mae'n cymryd yr holl bethau, nid? I fod yn dda.
[31:48.320 -> 31:48.920] Iawn.
[31:48.920 -> 31:49.440] Iawn.
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[32:04.080 -> 32:04.560] Iawn.
[32:04.560 -> 32:11.000] Iawn. Iawn. Iawn. Iawn. Iawn. Iawn. Iawn. Iawn. Iawn. Iawn. yw'r succes i'r talent yn llai, y gallu i ffwrdd yn gyflym ac y blaid oedd yn llai i'r rhai eraill, y gallu i ddeall y materion y gwnaethoch chi ddweud?
[32:11.000 -> 32:29.200] 20% o'r talent, oherwydd mae yna llawer o bobl talentio a 80% o'r ffordd o fynd drwy pethau eraill i ddod yno. you know 0.05 of a second separated the first four of us in the 800 meters, we're all bloody good runners. Yeah yeah. You know had I given up I
[32:29.200 -> 32:33.120] wouldn't have been part of that four you know so actually there's that inner bit
[32:33.120 -> 32:38.200] the belief and your ability to push and to trust yourself. There's so many times
[32:38.200 -> 32:42.000] I probably say in my whole career only four times out of 12 years did I have
[32:42.000 -> 32:48.080] that totally in the zone where I felt like I'm floating. You know, two of those were at the Olympics and one was in breaking the British
[32:48.080 -> 32:53.960] record of 97, 1500 metres and one was in Sydney when I was told there's no way I'm going to
[32:53.960 -> 32:59.640] get there. I'd got a 12 centimetre tear in my calf in the January. I was told by everyone
[32:59.640 -> 33:03.840] that you're 30, you're not going to get there, you know, you might as well just carry on
[33:03.840 -> 33:07.680] and wait for the next kind of season to come. And I'd already gone to the first
[33:07.680 -> 33:10.640] Olympics when I was serving in the British Army and I ended up getting a
[33:10.640 -> 33:16.200] stress fracture. I still ran, I got into the heat semi-final, I came fourth, I got
[33:16.200 -> 33:20.220] pipped on the line by tenth of a second running with a stress fracture, right, had
[33:20.220 -> 33:23.600] injections into the bone site to numb it, I was emotionally in pain, physically in
[33:23.600 -> 33:27.280] pain. I said to myself I'm not going to my next Olympics without coming back roedd gen i ddewis i'r sgwrs i'w gwneud, roedd yn ymdrech i'r pêl, yn y pêl ffysical. Roeddwn i wedi dweud i fy hun, na fyddaf yn mynd i'r nesaf olympiad,
[33:27.280 -> 33:28.720] heb ddod yn ôl gyda meddal.
[33:28.720 -> 33:30.560] Roeddwn i wedi dweud na fyddaf yn mynd yno.
[33:30.560 -> 33:32.800] Roedd gen i 6 wyth o farchnau yn unig yno.
[33:32.800 -> 33:36.400] Pethau eraill o'r pêl, y stepper, y croesdwyth, y bêl,
[33:36.400 -> 33:38.160] pob peth, gweithiau, y gynhyrch.
[33:38.160 -> 33:40.320] Roedd fy nghyfnod fel, rydw i'n mynd i'r hyn.
[33:40.320 -> 33:42.440] Roeddwn i'n dod yno, ac roedd gen i'r meddal bron.
[33:42.440 -> 33:44.920] Mae'n ffasinatios clywed chi ysgrifennu'r Games Cymru,
[33:44.920 -> 34:06.160] oherwydd rwy'n cael y cyflawniad, rydw i'n cael y cyfodus. Pan ddysgwch chi'r control emosiynol
[34:06.160 -> 34:09.280] sydd yn amlwg yn Sidney i ffwrdd ar y moment honno,
[34:09.280 -> 34:13.280] ac yna, chwe blynedd nesaf, dod a bod yn ddiddorol?
[34:13.280 -> 34:16.560] Roedd gen i ddifferent o ffyrdd yn 2004
[34:16.560 -> 34:18.640] oherwydd beth sydd wedi digwydd i mi yn 2003,
[34:18.640 -> 34:22.760] fel, yn unig, gwybodais fy mod i'n cael fy nghymryd
[34:22.760 -> 34:24.720] o'r celf a'r iechyd,
[34:24.720 -> 34:26.560] ac oherwydd roeddwn i'n ddiddorol o'r pethau eraill. I just knew that the only thing that was letting me down was my body and health. So, you know, cause I'd gone through
[34:26.560 -> 34:28.000] all these other things.
[34:28.000 -> 34:31.640] So I'd said to, instead of telling people around me
[34:31.640 -> 34:33.240] the emotional side of what was happening,
[34:33.240 -> 34:35.040] I said, my physio,
[34:35.040 -> 34:37.560] I need you to be the best physio you can be.
[34:37.560 -> 34:39.880] I want to be the best in the world.
[34:39.880 -> 34:42.000] You're already good physio, but you need to be great.
[34:42.000 -> 34:43.560] Like almost like it was selfish.
[34:43.560 -> 34:44.760] I said, you need to live my life.
[34:44.760 -> 34:46.280] You know, I need to be stalking you that's
[34:46.280 -> 34:49.900] literally what I did. Training partner who was a guy who gave up his athletics
[34:49.900 -> 34:53.960] career that year Anthony Whiteman he was a 1500 meter runner for Great Britain he
[34:53.960 -> 34:57.600] was lacking in motivation kind of wanted a bit of a kick up the ass and I said
[34:57.600 -> 35:01.600] like would you come and train with me and then prior to Athens we were in
[35:01.600 -> 35:05.800] holding camp in Cyprus and because he was a man it was
[35:05.800 -> 35:11.160] faster I could just run I knew the times and he did and quickly the story goes on
[35:11.160 -> 35:15.840] that after Athens he then broke the world record for the men's over 40s 1500
[35:15.840 -> 35:19.200] meters and become world record holder for the miles you know. So you raised the bar for him as well.
[35:19.200 -> 35:24.040] So what I did in 2004 I didn't feel at that time I could get any
[35:24.040 -> 35:30.380] lower than I'd been and because I was still there, that made me even more thinking I can do this, you know,
[35:30.380 -> 35:34.700] because I can't go any lower, yet I'm still achieving, you know, so I changed my mindset,
[35:34.700 -> 35:40.060] hence why I wrote that bit in my book. And then, so what happened was, I decided that I
[35:40.060 -> 35:46.360] need my legs to do the talking, because when you go in sport and you recognize you end up getting especially in your own
[35:46.360 -> 35:51.520] Sport people want to know how's it going papers all after you comes to Olympic year
[35:51.520 -> 35:54.640] They try put people up on a pedestal. Yeah, and I just thought I
[35:55.520 -> 35:59.920] Don't want that. Do you know what the only thing that's going to actually make me feel good is me
[36:00.640 -> 36:08.800] Being good. So I ended up not doing any media that year until right before the Olympic Games. Paula Radcliffe was put on the pedestal, you know, everyone was
[36:08.800 -> 36:11.640] going to, she was going to be our golden girl which actually helped everybody
[36:11.640 -> 36:16.760] else because no one else, no one was interested in us, you know what I mean? So then what happened was,
[36:16.760 -> 36:21.560] there's a change around was, that I had a different attitude to high performance,
[36:21.560 -> 36:29.600] like I knew I could do this. You know, when you've won that many medals with that many setbacks it's like for me fate and staying injury free so
[36:29.600 -> 36:33.880] anyway what happened was is I went to a world championships fell and the indoors
[36:33.880 -> 36:37.960] and I thought you know like banging down the thing and I thought that's alright
[36:37.960 -> 36:42.520] it's just a blip and I changed my attitude to feeling like everything's
[36:42.520 -> 36:46.960] against me to feeling pick yourself's against me, to feeling pick
[36:44.400 -> 36:49.360] yourself back up, you're not injured, go
[36:46.960 -> 36:51.840] again, you took responsibility. I took
[36:49.360 -> 36:54.440] responsibility of my team, I said this is
[36:51.840 -> 36:56.880] what I expect from you, this is what I know
[36:54.440 -> 36:59.840] I want to do and what I can do and then
[36:56.880 -> 37:01.960] we got to holding camp, training was like
[36:59.840 -> 37:04.240] literally going off the roof but I'd
[37:01.960 -> 37:06.480] lost every single 1500 meter run that
[37:04.240 -> 37:08.880] year and I'd won every single 800 and that was a psychological thing.
[37:08.880 -> 37:13.980] I was wanting 1500 meters so bad I run pants. 800 I didn't think I was going to
[37:13.980 -> 37:17.760] take part, I was running how I should and that's how your brain, you know if
[37:17.760 -> 37:21.960] you're good at anything, one minute we can do it, the next minute it's like we feel
[37:21.960 -> 37:27.800] like we're useless at something because we haven't clicked that brain in the switch up so anyway I get to the Olympic
[37:27.800 -> 37:31.520] Games training's gone brilliant hadn't been injured for the rest of the year I
[37:31.520 -> 37:37.380] was eating better sleeping better happy relaxed and I could run and then when
[37:37.380 -> 37:41.440] we got to the 800 meters because I only decided that I was going to do both like
[37:41.440 -> 37:44.400] two days before I went into Athens because I thought well what have I got
[37:44.400 -> 37:45.280] to lose if I'll come back with two medals of any color or a great end to a Roeddwn i'n dechrau gwneud y ddau dydd yn ôl i fynd i Athens, oherwydd roeddwn i'n meddwl, wel, beth rydw i wedi cael i'w rhedeg?
[37:45.280 -> 37:47.920] Os byddwn i'n dod yn ôl gyda ddau meddal o unrhyw colo,
[37:47.920 -> 37:49.120] neu'n ddiweddar i'r seswn,
[37:49.120 -> 37:51.280] roedd gen i ddifrifol ymdrech.
[37:51.280 -> 37:52.120] Doeddwn i ddim yn hollol,
[37:52.120 -> 37:53.880] rydw i'n cael, rydw i'n cael, rydw i'n cael,
[37:53.880 -> 37:56.440] roeddwn i'n ymddangos y pwysau hwnnw i mi,
[37:56.440 -> 37:57.120] ac roeddwn i'n dweud,
[37:57.120 -> 37:57.640] gadael,
[37:57.640 -> 37:58.640] sut rydych chi'n gadael.
[37:58.640 -> 38:01.160] Dyna'r cwestiwn rydw i eisiau gofyn i chi
[38:01.160 -> 38:03.080] pan roeddech chi'n siarad am
[38:03.080 -> 38:07.000] bod yn y throfn yma yng Nghymru. A oes gennych chi'n teimlo e y byddai'n ddod yn ystod y cwestiwn rydw i eisiau ei gofyn pan roeddech chi'n siarad am hynny, fel bod yn y throfnod yma yng Nghymru,
[38:07.000 -> 38:13.000] a oes gennych yn teimlo eich bod chi'n gallu cael mwy i gael eich cymryd yn fwy cyffredin?
[38:13.000 -> 38:17.000] Ie, rwy'n credu y gallais gynnal yr Olympiadau hynny yn fy mhrofwyr o'r Cymdeithas Cymru,
[38:17.000 -> 38:20.000] pan ddod i'r ffordd o'r strech, a gallais gynnal y gynnal y gynllun yng Nghymru,
[38:20.000 -> 38:24.000] ond roeddwn i bob amser yn y pwynt, oherwydd y pwysau,
[38:24.000 -> 38:26.360] ac yna roeddwn i'n rhoi fy nghyflawn drwy hynny, I was always under pressure almost because of like the injuries and then putting myself through that, gotta get back, gotta get back.
[38:26.360 -> 38:28.800] I never reflected, you know, you don't reflect.
[38:28.800 -> 38:32.840] When you're on a physio bed, it's all about get that injury sorted, get that injury sorted.
[38:32.840 -> 38:39.080] No one really sort of took you on board and said, okay, so you're going through an injury,
[38:39.080 -> 38:43.080] this is going to impact your anxiety, this is going to impact the stress that you're
[38:43.080 -> 38:46.600] feeling, you're going to be worried, you're going to this, you're going to this you're going to be that it's not just
[38:46.600 -> 38:50.560] about the injury never had those conversations. You also that was an era
[38:50.560 -> 38:55.200] though where it was all about be brilliant push yourself be the best don't
[38:55.200 -> 38:59.640] be weak no one in that era was kind to themselves that was seen as a weakness I
[38:59.640 -> 39:04.120] think in that era wasn't it and I think now we're much more open to if you're
[39:04.120 -> 39:10.440] good to yourself mentally you that's not a weakness anymore. Well in 2003 no one talked about it
[39:10.440 -> 39:15.000] when I wrote my autobiography nobody was talking about it in 2005 I hadn't even
[39:15.000 -> 39:18.200] told my mum, friends, family no one even knew about what was going on in my life
[39:18.200 -> 39:22.240] up until I wrote my book the year after I retired not one person. Your phone goes off the hook
[39:22.240 -> 39:27.200] then when the book comes out I imagine. Then it goes mental but then you know how many people remember me on the
[39:27.200 -> 39:31.260] front pages of the national newspaper saying I'd sold half, hardly anyone because it was
[39:31.260 -> 39:35.600] just like fish and chip paper she said something let's you know next day it's gone and it was
[39:35.600 -> 39:40.740] only sort of 2017 when I was on a TV show that we're talking about it again and everyone's
[39:40.740 -> 39:44.680] going oh my god really and I said yeah I've been talking about it since 2005 you're now
[39:44.680 -> 39:45.160] listening and sport has now changed. Sport has also changed at a high level instead of And everyone's going oh my god, really and I said, yeah, I've been talking about it since 2005. You're now listening
[39:45.520 -> 39:51.400] And it's now changed sport is also changed at a high level instead of just having a sports
[39:51.680 -> 39:55.560] Psychology focus where it's about can I get to that track without feeling?
[39:56.200 -> 40:01.200] Nervous sick, you know can't get there properly and I need somebody to guide me through it
[40:01.200 -> 40:05.840] They now know that they need to talk beforehand about the process of how you're gonna i fynd drwy'r proses, maen nhw nawr yn gwybod eu bod yn rhaid i mi siarad yn ystod y proses
[40:05.840 -> 40:08.640] o sut rydych chi'n mynd i ddod drwy'r broses honno.
[40:08.640 -> 40:14.000] Pa rydych chi'n ddraio'r rhan o ran, rydych chi'n rhano'r rhan hwn o gwmpas eich iechyd meddwl,
[40:14.000 -> 40:17.440] ac rwy'n credu bod hynny'n ddiddorol iawn i chi oherwydd mae yna wirioneddol o
[40:17.440 -> 40:20.400] fwysigrwydd mewn yr hyn rydych chi'n rhano, ond rwy'n credu ei fod yn ddiddorol iawn.
[40:20.400 -> 40:23.440] Ond rydw i wedi bod yn ddiddorol o fod rydych chi'n ddraio'r rhan ar rhai pethau lle
[40:23.440 -> 40:26.000] dydych chi ddim yn sgwrsio ac nid yw hynny i ddisydw i wedi bod yn ddiddorol y byddwch chi'n ddrau'r rhan ar rai pethau lle byddwch chi ddim yn ymwneud â'i drafod, ac nid yw hynny i'r debat.
[40:26.000 -> 40:33.000] Ac rydw i'n ddiddorol o ran sut rydych chi'n ddrau'r rhan o ran yr hyn rydych chi'n rhannu yn ymwneud â'r hyn rydych chi'n ei gael yn y bryd,
[40:33.000 -> 40:37.000] a pa gwybodaeth byddwch chi'n ei roi i'r rhai o'r ymdrechion ifanc y byddwn ni'n clywed?
[40:37.000 -> 40:46.200] Ie, i bawb, mewn gwirionedd, byddwn ni'n byw only us that we are living our life for, essentially.
[40:46.200 -> 40:49.900] You know, we might have family and friends and people around us, but essentially it's our life, right?
[40:49.900 -> 40:54.700] We've all got this, you know, ability to want to be good at something or to drive.
[40:54.700 -> 41:02.900] And I feel like when I share anything to do with the journey of athletics and the emotion and the breakdown and that,
[41:02.900 -> 41:05.920] that's a human trait that lots of people will come across
[41:06.080 -> 41:10.440] Barriers and setbacks like when I talked about bereavement with my mum no one talks about these things
[41:10.440 -> 41:17.080] But why you're not happy just because they're now but you know had the funeral it's still freaking in you and I breathe for
[41:17.440 -> 41:22.240] 18 months I was in a right state. I believe that there's things that will help people
[41:22.920 -> 41:27.960] By me sharing those things there's things that will help people by me sharing those things. There's other things I've chosen that most people know me because I won two
[41:27.960 -> 41:32.240] gold medals, right? They don't know me for any other reason really apart from what
[41:32.240 -> 41:35.400] now they're getting to know but essentially most people know me because
[41:35.400 -> 41:40.320] I won two gold medals. So I believe how do I inspire people, not just athletes,
[41:40.320 -> 41:44.540] anybody to get the best out themselves, to be the best version of themselves, to
[41:44.540 -> 41:50.760] work hard, to be motivated, to take responsibility, to look at yourself, be respectful, be respectful,
[41:50.760 -> 41:51.760] have values.
[41:51.760 -> 41:56.000] If I can pass those, that's going to help a lot of other people with their mindset on
[41:56.000 -> 41:59.960] expectation that they should get something back for it, or actually should be given to
[41:59.960 -> 42:02.040] you easy, or it's an easy way to get to success.
[42:02.040 -> 42:03.560] No, it's freaking not.
[42:03.560 -> 42:06.160] So I share my life and my journey and what happened
[42:06.160 -> 42:08.120] to me during those heights of my season
[42:08.120 -> 42:10.600] because most people have no idea that I
[42:10.600 -> 42:13.160] went through that yet I then go even if
[42:13.160 -> 42:14.560] you've had the worst time of your life
[42:14.560 -> 42:16.640] ups downs barriers whatever they
[42:16.640 -> 42:18.440] perceived to be in your life and
[42:18.440 -> 42:22.640] remember never never ever compare
[42:22.640 -> 42:24.560] yourself to someone else's life you know
[42:24.560 -> 42:27.440] because what I've had happen to me
[42:27.440 -> 42:29.400] might not ever be as bad as somebody else,
[42:29.400 -> 42:31.200] but I'm not living their life, I'm living mine.
[42:31.200 -> 42:34.480] So what I've had happen to me was hell for me.
[42:34.480 -> 42:36.680] And I always believe if I can articulate that
[42:36.680 -> 42:38.640] in a way that's motivating,
[42:38.640 -> 42:40.960] that people can look at their life and go,
[42:40.960 -> 42:43.160] okay, this might be happening or happen,
[42:43.160 -> 42:45.760] but I can actually do something else with it, or I can take the positives out of the negatives, a dweud, o'n i, dyma efallai y bydd hyn yn digwydd neu'n digwydd, ond gallaf wneud rhywbeth arall gyda'i gilydd,
[42:45.760 -> 42:51.040] neu gallaf ddod o'r negatifau'r positifau, gweld pobl eraill yn dal i fod yn cyflogwyr,
[42:51.040 -> 42:55.360] er mwyn gweld eu bod wedi cael amser ddur, mae'n rhaid i hynny fod yn rhywbeth sy'n cymryd ymdrech i'r rhai eraill.
[42:55.360 -> 42:57.760] Felly rydw i wedi ddewis, dyna yw'r rhan rydw i'n mynd,
[42:57.760 -> 43:02.320] ym mhobl i mi a fy nghymryd a'r rhan ymdrechol o'i gilydd,
[43:02.320 -> 43:05.000] a dwi'n credu bydd yn effeithio ar bobl mwyaf yn y diwydiant. Rwy'n hoffi'r glir o ble rydych chi'n ymwneud â'r cymdeithas. Iawn, iawn. Iawn, iawn. Iawn, iawn.
[43:05.000 -> 43:06.000] Iawn, iawn.
[43:06.000 -> 43:07.000] Iawn, iawn.
[43:07.000 -> 43:08.000] Iawn, iawn.
[43:08.000 -> 43:09.000] Iawn, iawn.
[43:09.000 -> 43:10.000] Iawn, iawn.
[43:10.000 -> 43:11.000] Iawn, iawn.
[43:11.000 -> 43:12.000] Iawn, iawn.
[43:12.000 -> 43:13.000] Iawn, iawn.
[43:13.000 -> 43:14.000] Iawn, iawn.
[43:14.000 -> 43:15.000] Iawn, iawn.
[43:15.000 -> 43:16.000] Iawn, iawn.
[43:16.000 -> 43:17.000] Iawn, iawn.
[43:17.000 -> 43:18.000] Iawn, iawn.
[43:18.000 -> 43:19.000] Iawn, iawn.
[43:19.000 -> 43:20.000] Iawn, iawn.
[43:20.000 -> 43:21.000] Iawn, iawn.
[43:21.000 -> 43:22.000] Iawn, iawn.
[43:22.000 -> 43:23.000] Iawn, iawn.
[43:23.000 -> 43:24.000] Iawn, iawn.
[43:24.000 -> 43:27.580] Iawn, iawn. Iawn, iawn. Iawn, iawn. Iawn, iawn. Iawn, iawn. I never used to speak about anything close to me like nothing ever I was a closed book like literally always been a closed book
[43:27.580 -> 43:33.580] And now I'm a bit more me. I show my personality more on TV. I look how I want to look now
[43:33.580 -> 43:37.040] I don't conform. I know you know you come back from the Olympic Games and
[43:37.940 -> 43:40.900] Everyone's going to these events. You know everyone's got women got long hair
[43:40.900 -> 43:43.880] They're all in their dresses and I still wear dresses if I want to dress up or whatever
[43:44.000 -> 43:47.520] But I felt like I didn't really, again, know my identity.
[43:47.520 -> 43:52.000] My mum passed away, the day she passed away I had this hair shaved off, my undercut,
[43:52.000 -> 43:54.240] because I'd been speaking about it for ages and I thought,
[43:54.240 -> 43:58.080] shall I, shan't I, what will people think, what will people say, what will people think I look like
[43:58.080 -> 44:02.400] and I thought, I don't care, because actually I've still got my values, I'm still respectful,
[44:02.400 -> 44:06.860] I still am me as a person but I I wanna be who I actually want to be,
[44:06.860 -> 44:08.720] so I'll show it in this way,
[44:08.720 -> 44:09.880] but I don't have to then speak about
[44:09.880 -> 44:12.120] every single part of my life.
[44:12.120 -> 44:14.480] There's a book by a man called Bob Iger,
[44:14.480 -> 44:17.640] CEO of Disney, and in it he talks about the fact
[44:17.640 -> 44:20.940] that being completely you, 100% honest
[44:20.940 -> 44:23.020] in everything you say and everything you do,
[44:23.020 -> 44:24.520] not putting on a front in any respect,
[44:24.520 -> 44:28.640] is almost like a superpower. I want you're brave enough to
[44:28.640 -> 44:33.100] go this is me if you don't like it fine but this is me and that's all I can be
[44:33.100 -> 44:36.920] it's a really liberating place to get to I think and I'm so pleased that you feel
[44:36.920 -> 44:40.240] that you're there and well I feel that I'm there you know there's still things that I wouldn't
[44:40.240 -> 44:43.880] choose to discuss but that's just because you just why why why you know at
[44:43.880 -> 44:46.120] what point you know you, you know, at
[44:43.960 -> 44:47.880] what point? You might get to
[44:46.120 -> 44:49.720] part in your life at a certain
[44:47.880 -> 44:51.240] situation, it's like when I started to
[44:49.720 -> 44:52.760] speak about this, it was a point in my life
[44:51.240 -> 44:54.640] it was right. Other things that I've come
[44:52.760 -> 44:57.040] through, there's a point in my life
[44:54.640 -> 44:58.600] that is right, the bereavement, I had to
[44:57.040 -> 45:00.960] go through that to now talk about
[44:58.600 -> 45:02.520] bereavement. I didn't when my granddad's
[45:00.960 -> 45:04.400] and my nan's died because it didn't have
[45:02.520 -> 45:05.560] that same thing. There'd be a point in
[45:04.400 -> 45:06.080] my life somewhere else that something else will come out
[45:06.080 -> 45:09.560] because I think it's right but at the moment you don't have to shout. Anyone can
[45:09.560 -> 45:13.000] do what they want in life. If you want to shout about something, shout. If you don't,
[45:13.000 -> 45:18.120] don't. And finally, having waited so long, did it feel how you hoped it would feel
[45:18.120 -> 45:22.840] when you crossed the line and won the gold? Oh my gosh, yeah, more than that.
[45:22.840 -> 45:25.520] A huge weight came off my shoulders.
[45:25.520 -> 45:31.920] I felt on the 1500 metres, this tonne weight literally fly up off my shoulders.
[45:31.920 -> 45:34.080] As I was going around, literally felt the thing.
[45:34.080 -> 45:39.000] And I sat in the press conference, it was just before the 4x1 men won the gold medal
[45:39.000 -> 45:41.600] for Great Britain, and I said there, I can now be me.
[45:41.600 -> 45:43.760] That's literally my words.
[45:43.760 -> 45:44.760] So powerful.
[45:44.760 -> 45:46.760] Listen, we always finish with some real quick fire questions.
[45:46.760 -> 45:47.600] Oh God.
[45:47.600 -> 45:48.440] Three.
[45:48.440 -> 45:49.600] I don't like this, I can never think.
[45:49.600 -> 45:51.920] Three non-negotiable behaviors that you
[45:51.920 -> 45:54.300] and the people around you must buy into.
[45:55.800 -> 46:00.160] Be kind, don't judge somebody before you know them
[46:00.160 -> 46:03.240] and be respectful.
[46:03.240 -> 46:06.280] What advice would you give a teenage Kelly just starting out?
[46:06.280 -> 46:09.440] Actually, if I was writing the book to her,
[46:09.440 -> 46:12.360] I would tell her that you're going to go through shit, hell, life,
[46:12.360 -> 46:15.480] but don't give up because you're still, you know,
[46:15.480 -> 46:17.600] whatever you go through is going to be the making of you.
[46:17.600 -> 46:19.280] I always used to say, and this is not fit for,
[46:19.280 -> 46:23.480] I used to think that the Olympic Games was my destiny.
[46:23.480 -> 46:25.560] I do not believe that now. I believe it's my journey.
[46:25.560 -> 46:31.160] I think my destiny is to talk authentically to people about that period and all the things
[46:31.160 -> 46:33.480] I've gone through to help somebody else.
[46:33.480 -> 46:36.960] How important is legacy?
[46:36.960 -> 46:40.600] Legacy is important when it's talked about in the right way at the right time.
[46:40.600 -> 46:49.440] Legacy is only through history and proof and things working, just because of you know something happens. Example 2012 you know everyone said a legacy but
[46:49.440 -> 46:52.420] legacy is only now getting proven because somebody might have run there in
[46:52.420 -> 46:55.860] 2012 or been inspired by 2012 and then you can say there's a legacy.
[46:55.860 -> 46:59.840] And what's your one golden rule for our listeners that want to live a high
[46:59.840 -> 47:07.760] performance life? Believe in yourself. That is the perfect way to end listen
[47:07.760 -> 47:13.320] no thank you so much for coming on thank you being so honest and sharing a story
[47:13.320 -> 47:17.080] that I know a lot of people still won't be fully across and they won't fully
[47:17.080 -> 47:21.800] understand and hearing you sit here and talk about it in such an honest way I
[47:21.800 -> 47:30.100] think is without doubt gonna do exactly what you want, which is to help people. And when you talk about, as an athlete, 80% is in your
[47:30.100 -> 47:34.340] head and 20% is in your body, I think that is something that isn't just about athletics,
[47:34.340 -> 47:37.460] that is about life. And it's a great message.
[47:37.460 -> 47:38.460] Thank you.
[47:38.460 -> 47:39.460] Damien.
[47:39.460 -> 47:40.460] Jake.
[47:40.460 -> 47:51.240] That was far more emotional than I perhaps thought it would be you know yeah I think that for somebody to be that open and make
[47:51.240 -> 47:55.160] themselves so vulnerable I think is really courageous and that very much
[47:55.160 -> 47:59.480] came through the big thing that stands out for me is when when you said how
[47:59.480 -> 48:05.080] much was ability and how much was psychology and
[48:02.720 -> 48:08.160] I've sort of thought she'd go what
[48:05.080 -> 48:11.120] 60% natural ability 40% in the
[48:08.160 -> 48:12.640] brain 20% ability and what I
[48:11.120 -> 48:14.480] love about that is that that is a
[48:12.640 -> 48:16.640] message that can be applied to any walk of
[48:14.480 -> 48:18.800] life any person listening to this if you
[48:16.640 -> 48:20.720] can get the mental side of your life and
[48:18.800 -> 48:22.440] your approach to life right then the
[48:20.720 -> 48:24.840] rest will follow. I wasn't so surprised
[48:22.440 -> 48:26.560] that her answer to that because it's a
[48:24.840 -> 48:26.160] question that I've asked when I've y bydd y rest yn dilyn. Nid oeddwn i'n cael y cyfraniad o'r cyfraniad hwnnw oherwydd mae'n cwestiwn rydw i wedi'i gofyn
[48:26.160 -> 48:28.640] wrth weithio gyda chwaraeon chwaraeon fwyaf
[48:28.640 -> 48:31.000] ac rwy'n dweud y bydd y rhan fwyaf o hyn yn ymwneud â'r gallu
[48:31.000 -> 48:33.880] y rhan fwyaf o hyn yn ymwneud â'r cyfnod, os ydych chi'n hoffi.
[48:33.880 -> 48:38.000] Ac mae'r cyfnod cyffredinol yn y chwaraeon fwyaf yn 70-30
[48:38.000 -> 48:41.000] 70% o hyn yn ymwneud â'r cyfnod a'r mentholiaeth
[48:41.000 -> 48:42.760] a'r holl sgiliau gwahanol.
[48:42.760 -> 48:45.940] Gall talent eich cymryd i'r bwrdd am y 30% o hyn. Felly rwy'n credu eich bod chi'n iawn mentality and all those other softer skills, talent gets you to the table for
[48:45.940 -> 48:50.020] around 30% of it. So I think you're right, there's a really powerful message for
[48:50.020 -> 48:55.500] anyone listening here that this, you know, talent gets you to the table but it's
[48:55.500 -> 49:00.220] other softer qualities that get you into that realm of high performance.
[49:00.220 -> 49:08.280] Enjoyed it. Oh I've loved it, thanks. Wow that was deep wasn't it? Really deep with Kelly Holmes. Her honesty was
[49:08.280 -> 49:12.280] incredible and if you really got a lot out of that I'd love it if you would
[49:12.280 -> 49:16.800] leave a review. You can also subscribe if you don't already. Thanks so much to
[49:16.800 -> 49:20.520] Finn Ryan from Rethink Audio for his hard work. Do keep an eye out across
[49:20.520 -> 49:37.840] social media for details of the next episode. For now though, see you later.
[49:42.020 -> 49:44.020] you