BITESIZE #77 | Kelly Jones: Make time to understand the full picture

Singer-songwriter Kelly Jones, frontman of the Stereophonics, opened up with us about his relationship with the press after his childhood friend and former band member Stuart Cable sadly passed.

The key lesson: Make the time to understand the full picture. It is not always as it seems.

Listen or watch the full episode with Kelly, episode 31: https://www.thehighperformancepodcast.com/podcast/kelly-jones 

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# Podcast Episode Summary: The Significance of Understanding the Full Picture

**Key Lesson:**
Take the time to comprehend the complete picture; things are not always as they appear.

**Podcast Episode Highlights:**

- **Misrepresentation and Misunderstanding:**
- Singer-songwriter Kelly Jones shares his experience of being misrepresented and misunderstood by the media after the passing of his childhood friend and former bandmate, Stuart Cable.

- **The Importance of Context:**
- Jones emphasizes the need to understand the context behind actions and decisions, especially when they appear negative or controversial.

- **The Media's Role:**
- Jones criticizes the media's tendency to sensationalize stories and create narratives that may not accurately reflect reality.

- **Dealing with Misrepresentation:**
- Jones discusses how he has learned to deal with misrepresentation by accepting the situation and focusing on what he can control.

- **The Power of Acceptance:**
- Jones emphasizes the importance of acceptance in overcoming negative emotions and moving forward.

- **Focusing on Happiness:**
- Jones stresses the significance of prioritizing happiness and making choices that align with personal well-being.

- **Empathy and Compassion:**
- Jones advocates for empathy and compassion, recognizing that everyone is doing their best given their circumstances.

- **Understanding Others' Perspectives:**
- Jones encourages listeners to consider that if they had lived someone else's life, they might have made similar decisions and experienced similar struggles.

- **Developing Compassion:**
- Jones highlights the importance of developing compassion and understanding to achieve tranquility and happiness.

- **Spreading Happiness:**
- Jones concludes by emphasizing the positive impact of spreading happiness to others.

**Overall Message:**
The podcast episode underscores the importance of understanding the full picture before making judgments, accepting situations that cannot be changed, and focusing on happiness and compassion to lead a fulfilling life.

[00:00.000 -> 00:05.280] Hey everyone, welcome along to another bite-sized episode of the High Performance Podcast. This is
[00:05.280 -> 00:10.560] really cool actually, I want you to cast your minds back to episode 31 when we were joined by
[00:10.560 -> 00:14.800] Kelly Jones, the lead singer of the Stereophonics, and I know that the audience for High Performance
[00:14.800 -> 00:20.240] has grown an insane amount in the last six or eight months, so many of you might not have heard
[00:20.240 -> 00:29.680] the conversation we had with Kelly. As always, it wasn't a conversation about music, it was a conversation about life. And this is what he had to tell us when we spoke to him
[00:29.680 -> 00:35.360] about being misrepresented, being misunderstood, people having an opinion when they don't know
[00:35.360 -> 00:40.800] the full story. Here's Kelly Jones when he joined us on the Hard Performance Podcast.
[00:42.800 -> 00:45.200] You know, the press loved making a big thing, didn't they?
[00:45.200 -> 00:47.720] When your former bandmate, Stuart, passed away.
[00:47.720 -> 00:49.040] Oh, you weren't getting on.
[00:49.040 -> 00:50.500] Do you have regrets now?
[00:50.500 -> 00:51.400] You were getting on.
[00:51.400 -> 00:53.680] You'd had a period where you weren't, and you were.
[00:53.680 -> 00:56.880] But you still, to have a childhood friend
[00:56.880 -> 01:00.320] who you have to, asked to leave the band,
[01:00.320 -> 01:01.960] and they pass away, you then,
[01:01.960 -> 01:04.560] you I'm sure thought about that a great deal.
[01:04.560 -> 01:06.260] I wonder whether you've worked hard to keep hold of those lessons that you've learned, and if you have, how then have, you I'm sure thought about that a great deal. I wonder whether you've worked hard
[01:06.260 -> 01:08.200] to keep hold of those lessons that you've learned
[01:08.200 -> 01:09.720] and if you have, how you've managed to do it
[01:09.720 -> 01:10.900] because I think we all say,
[01:10.900 -> 01:12.440] oh, that's changed my life, that.
[01:12.440 -> 01:14.520] Two years later, we've forgotten how.
[01:14.520 -> 01:16.040] Yeah, it can do that.
[01:17.280 -> 01:18.340] The Stewart thing was interesting
[01:18.340 -> 01:20.320] because again, we were very private.
[01:20.320 -> 01:22.000] We knew what was going on with Stewart and his life
[01:22.000 -> 01:24.320] and we knew he was getting a bit, you know,
[01:24.320 -> 01:25.800] off track really and you know, we've all went through it and we all picked each other up with Stuart and his life, and we knew he was getting a bit off track, really,
[01:25.800 -> 01:26.960] and we've all went through it,
[01:26.960 -> 01:28.680] and we all picked each other up at times when we had,
[01:28.680 -> 01:30.640] but Stuart was going on this road
[01:30.640 -> 01:32.560] where it didn't look like any of us
[01:32.560 -> 01:35.860] could pull him back from it, and we had to let him go.
[01:35.860 -> 01:38.560] And it wasn't like getting rid of a band member.
[01:38.560 -> 01:39.440] As you know, in the film,
[01:39.440 -> 01:41.680] I lived six doors apart from Stuart my whole life,
[01:41.680 -> 01:43.720] so it was like I'd been in a band room since I was 12.
[01:43.720 -> 01:45.680] The first gig I did at 12, he was 15, you know,
[01:45.680 -> 01:48.680] so that's how long I'd been with him.
[01:48.680 -> 01:50.440] So when we parted ways, you know,
[01:50.440 -> 01:53.760] we didn't talk for like a year or whatever,
[01:53.760 -> 01:56.760] and then the press were giving me the outing about it
[01:56.760 -> 01:59.200] because I'd fired Stuart,
[01:59.200 -> 02:01.040] because I wouldn't tell the press
[02:01.040 -> 02:03.440] what Stuart was getting up to in his private life,
[02:03.440 -> 02:09.000] basically, because it's his business. But then of course when Dakota goes to number one which is
[02:09.000 -> 02:12.400] the next single after Stewart has left, first single we ever had go to number one
[02:12.400 -> 02:16.440] which I wrote and produced it, the first text I guess of Stewart saying
[02:16.440 -> 02:20.860] congratulations man what a great song basically and then the review in Q
[02:20.860 -> 02:25.400] magazine I always remember was the first line said, Stuart who?
[02:25.400 -> 02:27.320] So it was like, they'd given me the outing,
[02:27.320 -> 02:28.600] but then when the song comes out,
[02:28.600 -> 02:30.600] then it's like, well, you didn't really need him anyway.
[02:30.600 -> 02:34.280] And so that's why I don't get involved in it really,
[02:34.280 -> 02:35.760] because it's a bit like, well, what's the point?
[02:35.760 -> 02:39.520] Because you don't need to take in one part of the story
[02:39.520 -> 02:41.240] to the advantage that you want to,
[02:41.240 -> 02:43.040] whatever cards you want to play there.
[02:43.040 -> 02:46.000] Yeah, in many ways, I think it symbolizes
[02:46.000 -> 02:48.040] what life has been like for you all the way through
[02:48.040 -> 02:48.880] being in a band.
[02:48.880 -> 02:50.560] It's a bit like being in an iceberg, right?
[02:50.560 -> 02:53.120] There's loads of stuff going on beneath the surface,
[02:53.120 -> 02:56.520] whether it's traumas and setbacks and problems,
[02:56.520 -> 02:58.360] personal or public,
[02:58.360 -> 03:00.680] but all we see is the little bit of the iceberg above.
[03:00.680 -> 03:02.800] And we base all our opinions
[03:02.800 -> 03:06.520] on what someone like you is like, privately, that
[03:06.520 -> 03:13.840] little bit, and there's all that underneath. I just, I would not be able to deal with that.
[03:13.840 -> 03:17.520] And now this is interesting because we recorded that episode with Kelly quite a long time
[03:17.520 -> 03:22.240] ago and I've said on many occasions I have changed completely from the conversations
[03:22.240 -> 03:27.100] that I've had on the High Performance Podcast and you know you just heard me say that to Kelly Jones I wouldn't be
[03:27.100 -> 03:30.880] able to deal with being misquoted or misrepresented and it's only been in
[03:30.880 -> 03:35.840] the last week and a bit that I have had to deal with that. So at the end of the
[03:35.840 -> 03:39.980] last football season I went to BT Sport and I just said to them I love my job
[03:39.980 -> 03:44.840] however I've got two kids and I've never been at home on a Saturday I've never
[03:44.840 -> 03:45.960] taken my boy to football I've never taken my boy to football
[03:45.960 -> 03:50.320] I've never taken my daughter to her awesome dance class that she loves. I've missed every wedding
[03:50.320 -> 03:52.840] I've missed every birthday party and I
[03:53.640 -> 03:58.440] Need to see if I can find a way of being home a little bit more and I totally get that for some people
[03:58.440 -> 04:03.600] That's confusing. But I think what you need to know about me, right is that nothing is about legacy
[04:03.900 -> 04:05.920] Nothing is about other people's opinions. Nothing is about legacy, nothing is about other people's
[04:05.920 -> 04:10.560] opinions, nothing is about status, nothing is about stature, everything is just about
[04:10.560 -> 04:17.720] happiness. You know, when I walked away from my job at the BBC, ten years ago, exactly
[04:17.720 -> 04:23.640] ten years ago actually, I was offered Match of the Day 2, Formula 1, World Cups, Olympics,
[04:23.640 -> 04:26.080] Euros, Commonwealth Games, Sports Personality
[04:26.080 -> 04:30.480] of the Year on a four-year contract, like the ultimate contract for a sports presenter.
[04:31.040 -> 04:35.280] But I remember speaking to Harriet and she's like, how many of those jobs that you've been
[04:35.280 -> 04:41.360] offered would be, would happen here, like near our house? And I said, well, none of them.
[04:41.360 -> 04:46.200] Sports Personality travels, the Olympics is abroad. The Commonwealth Games is likely to be abroad
[04:47.280 -> 04:50.600] Formula one is certainly going to be abroad every week and you know
[04:50.600 -> 04:53.360] Of course, I was lucky to have that amazing job offer from BT Sport
[04:53.480 -> 04:58.440] but I still made the decision to say no to that contract that I think very few people would say no to
[04:59.440 -> 05:01.440] and I you know, I will
[05:01.440 -> 05:08.680] Happily say that I struggled for a few months afterwards because the start of the new Formula One season came and I wasn't doing it and, you know, and it
[05:08.680 -> 05:15.100] was difficult at times. But I believe you can only make a decision based on what makes
[05:15.100 -> 05:20.080] you happy and based on what makes the people most important in your life happy as well.
[05:20.080 -> 05:26.400] And those people are my children and my wife. So therefore, you know, I made another big decision
[05:26.400 -> 05:27.860] and you've heard me use the phrase,
[05:27.860 -> 05:29.360] never sit in the comfy chair.
[05:29.360 -> 05:31.480] Sitting in the comfy chair would have just been carrying on
[05:31.480 -> 05:33.600] and hosting Premier League for another three or four years,
[05:33.600 -> 05:35.320] but BT were amazing with me and said,
[05:35.320 -> 05:37.440] look, let's find another way of doing this.
[05:37.440 -> 05:39.720] And we will announce some news on that in a few months.
[05:39.720 -> 05:40.560] And funnily enough,
[05:40.560 -> 05:43.720] it revolves around the High Performance Podcast as well.
[05:44.560 -> 05:45.760] But after all of that, I
[05:45.760 -> 05:50.000] then had to wake up to headlines with capital letters, Jay Comfrey sacked from the Premier
[05:50.000 -> 05:57.360] League coverage, Jay Comfrey dramatically dropped by BT Sport. And I would have really
[05:57.360 -> 06:00.960] struggled with that. I really struggled with that a few years ago, I would have wanted
[06:00.960 -> 06:05.320] the world to know what was going on, I would have been angry about it, but I wasn't angry.
[06:05.320 -> 06:07.280] You know, I put out a couple of tweets explaining
[06:07.280 -> 06:08.800] that actually that's not totally right,
[06:08.800 -> 06:10.120] but the person taking over from me,
[06:10.120 -> 06:12.440] the awesome, amazing, talented, brilliant,
[06:12.440 -> 06:15.160] Lindsay Hipgrave more than deserves the opportunity.
[06:15.160 -> 06:17.440] And she's, she was fantastic at Fulham last week
[06:17.440 -> 06:19.200] and will continue to be.
[06:19.200 -> 06:21.920] But I would have been really, really bothered by that.
[06:21.920 -> 06:23.500] But through the conversations
[06:23.500 -> 06:29.320] on the High Performance Podcast, I've realized that the only thing that I can worry about is the
[06:29.320 -> 06:34.580] things that I control. Because the reality is, even if I don't like that
[06:34.580 -> 06:40.640] situation and I didn't, I've still got the choice to accept the situation. And
[06:40.640 -> 06:48.680] once I learn and decide to accept it, then I can focus on what I can control.
[06:48.680 -> 06:53.940] You can only choose to focus on the things that are within your control.
[06:53.940 -> 06:57.960] And I think another big lesson I've learned through high performance is that we sometimes
[06:57.960 -> 07:01.560] make the mistake of thinking that we're the lead character in everybody's story and everyone's
[07:01.560 -> 07:03.320] talking about it and it's a really big deal.
[07:03.320 -> 07:04.320] Nobody cares.
[07:04.320 -> 07:07.980] That's the truth. Nobody cares whether I'm doing a job or not
[07:07.980 -> 07:13.620] doing a job. I'm only the lead character in my own story, not in yours and not in
[07:13.620 -> 07:18.700] anybody else's. And I don't like being misrepresented. I mean, I, you know,
[07:18.700 -> 07:21.960] Twitter, as we all know, is a horrendous place. I put up a couple of bits last
[07:21.960 -> 07:28.800] week about the new high-performance journal that we're releasing. And by the way, thank you very much for getting it number one in the charts
[07:28.800 -> 07:33.520] months before it's out. That's real trust from all of you listening to this. But one person replied
[07:33.520 -> 07:39.360] and said, Oh, I think I know the secret to high performance. It's your secret. Have rich parents
[07:39.360 -> 07:45.680] and a friend in the industry that gives you a leg up. I mean, I read it and thought, my mum was a teacher.
[07:45.680 -> 07:47.840] My dad worked for Age Concern Norfolk.
[07:47.840 -> 07:49.840] As a kid, my clothes came from jumble sales,
[07:49.840 -> 07:51.520] and we didn't, and never have had,
[07:51.520 -> 07:53.640] and still don't have any money.
[07:53.640 -> 07:55.420] My parents haven't got any money.
[07:56.520 -> 07:59.640] Industry contacts, well, Age Concern Norfolk,
[07:59.640 -> 08:01.860] a boy from a tiny village.
[08:01.860 -> 08:07.440] But what is the point in me worrying about that?
[08:14.000 -> 08:18.240] The negativity of others does not matter, but your happiness does. So therefore you can't let people get to you. You just need to think and do and operate with whatever makes you happy. And you
[08:18.240 -> 08:24.560] need to realise that for some people, the only happiness that they will have is taking away yours.
[08:25.000 -> 08:26.200] The only happiness that they will have is taking away yours.
[08:28.400 -> 08:32.000] And there is a good lesson for all of us there. Make sure that you don't ruin other people's happiness
[08:32.000 -> 08:34.600] because you're struggling to find your own.
[08:34.600 -> 08:36.600] People are struggling an awful lot more than we think
[08:36.600 -> 08:38.800] and an awful lot more than we know.
[08:38.800 -> 08:40.200] And that's why we talk all the time
[08:40.200 -> 08:43.000] on the High Performance Podcast about empathy.
[08:43.000 -> 08:45.800] You simply don't know what is going
[08:45.800 -> 08:52.200] on in someone else's life. So what I would love to say for the end of this episode is
[08:52.200 -> 08:57.380] going back to the conversation that we had there with the amazing Kelly Jones is have
[08:57.380 -> 09:02.200] a mindset of best intentions. Just trust that the people around you and even the people
[09:02.200 -> 09:07.160] you see on the telly and even the people who use Instagrams you see, they are just trying to do their best and
[09:07.160 -> 09:12.120] they will at times come up short and they will make mistakes, but they are
[09:12.120 -> 09:17.440] trying to just do their best. And if there are people in your life and you
[09:17.440 -> 09:21.360] really struggle with the things they say and the decisions they make and the
[09:21.360 -> 09:28.100] direction in which they travel, you've also got to remember that if you'd have lived their life,
[09:28.100 -> 09:29.800] if you'd have had their experiences,
[09:29.800 -> 09:33.300] if you'd have had their struggles and their traumas and their pain,
[09:33.300 -> 09:36.400] then you would be doing exactly the same thing as them.
[09:36.400 -> 09:41.200] If you'd lived their life, you would be making the same decisions.
[09:41.200 -> 09:47.160] So develop your compassion, develop your understanding, and that will take you to tranquility, that
[09:47.160 -> 09:51.720] will take you to happiness, and then that happiness can spread to other people.
[09:51.720 -> 09:57.440] So there you go, Kelly Jones on the High Performance Podcast, bite-sized episode.
[09:57.440 -> 10:01.040] Have a brilliant day, wherever you are, whatever you're up to.
[10:01.040 -> 10:05.800] And just remember, we're always here, we've got your back, anytime you need to, come and
[10:05.800 -> 10:09.480] get some golden content from the team here at High Performance.
[10:09.480 -> 10:09.720] Take care.
[10:04.930 -> 10:10.630] to. And just remember, we're always here. We've got your back. Anytime you need to,
[10:10.630 -> 10:14.630] come and get some golden content from the team here at High Performance. Take care.