BITESIZE #49 | Chris Voss: Stop giving advice and just listen

Former FBI hostage negotiator and author Chris Voss joined us for E67 educating us on how to be a world class communicator. 

One of the most profound pearls of wisdom of the enlightening chat was also the simplest: just listen. 

We talk at around 150 words a minute yet are capable of listening to around 600 words in the same period. Our brains are often thinking ahead, planning our response. Slowing down our thinking and really engaging with the other person is saying is both a compliment and adds to our own competitive advantage. 

Listen to the full episode: https://www.thehighperformancepodcast.com/podcast/chrisvoss

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# Chris Voss on the Art of Listening and Effective Communication

### Listening: A Powerful Tool for Communication

- Former FBI hostage negotiator and author Chris Voss emphasizes the importance of listening as a crucial skill in effective communication.
- Despite our capacity to listen to 600 words per minute while speaking at 150 words per minute, we often get caught up in thinking ahead and planning responses.
- Slowing down our thinking and fully engaging with the speaker demonstrates respect and provides a competitive advantage.

### Sounding Board: A Technique for Facilitating Self-Discovery

- Voss advocates for the use of "sounding board" as a technique to help others process their thoughts and emotions without offering advice.
- Simply providing a non-judgmental space for someone to express themselves can lead to clarity and a sense of coping.
- A crisis intervention hotline call exemplifies the power of being a sounding board, enabling the caller to recognize and address their inner turmoil.

### Benefits of Being a Sounding Board

- Sounding board facilitates self-expression and helps individuals make sense of their thoughts when verbalized.
- The non-judgmental and supportive presence of a sounding board instills a sense of coping and resilience in the speaker.
- This technique can be applied in various situations, including crisis intervention and personal conversations.

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[02:08.680 -> 02:11.520] This is a Bite Size episode of High Performance,
[02:11.520 -> 02:14.480] our gift to you for free every single week.
[02:14.480 -> 02:17.400] This is the podcast that turns the lived experiences
[02:17.400 -> 02:21.320] of the planet's highest performers into your life lessons.
[02:21.320 -> 02:23.040] And on these short Bite Size episodes,
[02:23.040 -> 02:24.680] we just take a look back in the archives.
[02:24.680 -> 02:28.320] We play you a clip from a guest who's joined us previously on the podcast,
[02:28.320 -> 02:32.680] and we just get you to think once more about the things that you've learned from them,
[02:32.680 -> 02:37.360] the lessons that they had for you, and perhaps the things that really hit home at the time,
[02:37.360 -> 02:41.880] but maybe with the busyness of life, you've just forgotten over the past couple of years.
[02:41.880 -> 02:47.020] So enjoy this bite-sized episode from the High Performance Podcast.
[02:47.980 -> 02:51.420] Stop giving advice and just let people,
[02:51.420 -> 02:53.180] just be a sounding board.
[02:53.180 -> 02:56.060] Don't give advice at all, stop.
[02:56.060 -> 02:57.980] Here's a big advantage to sounding board.
[02:57.980 -> 03:00.180] All of us, the thoughts in our head,
[03:00.180 -> 03:02.520] they make sense when they're in our head.
[03:02.520 -> 03:05.440] And as soon as we start talking them out loud
[03:08.960 -> 03:09.600] Just that mere act of saying stuff out loud no matter how troubled you are
[03:11.600 -> 03:12.000] some of it is going to clear up
[03:13.120 -> 03:14.800] and the mere fact
[03:14.800 -> 03:19.920] That the only thing you did was say it out loud with the person who is your sounding board
[03:20.540 -> 03:24.800] Facilitated for you was also a feeling in you that you could cope
[03:26.040 -> 03:30.280] facilitated for you was also a feeling in you that you could cope. Because you sort of missed the fact that the sounding board was not judgmental,
[03:30.280 -> 03:35.760] didn't give any advice, didn't tell you you were wrong. All they did was help you
[03:35.760 -> 03:40.460] talk stuff out loud. And the suicide hotline I was on is actually a crisis
[03:40.460 -> 03:44.600] intervention hotline, which is, you know, you might be in crisis but
[03:44.600 -> 03:45.580] not be suicidal.
[03:45.580 -> 03:48.640] And we want to help those people too. And I can remember,
[03:48.880 -> 03:52.080] I took one call where a young lady calls and she says, look, you know,
[03:52.200 -> 03:54.000] my friend here is just,
[03:54.160 -> 03:57.600] he's just in really tough shape and I can't get him to call you.
[03:58.160 -> 04:02.520] But he says, if I hand him the phone, that'll talk to you. So I'm like, yeah,
[04:02.520 -> 04:05.680] all right, put him on the phone. And he sounded completely
[04:05.680 -> 04:11.280] calm in the moment, but I knew from the context, something was troubling him and he was trying to
[04:11.280 -> 04:16.320] cope with it himself. And I said, sounds like you're going through a tough time. And 20 minutes
[04:16.320 -> 04:23.440] later, he said, wow, I had no idea all that was inside me. I'm good now. And all I was,
[04:23.440 -> 04:25.000] was the sounding board for 20 minutes.
[04:25.000 -> 04:30.640] Thanks very much for joining us for this bite-sized episode from High Performance.
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