BITESIZE #4| Robin Van Persie: How to Inspire Your Children

Welcome to our new series of short bitesize episodes, looking at stand-out moments from the podcast. 

Today’s clip comes from our chat with former Arsenal and Manchester United striker Robin Van Persie and the advise he gave his son to take control of his life. This has been the most viewed clip in our whole archive. The guys discuss just why it rang so true. 

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In this episode, the hosts and Professor Damien Hughes discuss a widely shared clip from their podcast featuring former Manchester United and Arsenal striker Robin van Persie. The clip centers around Van Persie's advice to his son, Shaquille, after a disappointing soccer match.

Van Persie shared how he told Shaquille to take control of his life and stop blaming others for his shortcomings. He emphasized that winners take responsibility and look for ways to improve, while losers blame external factors. Van Persie conveyed that he loved his son unconditionally and that his success as a footballer was not the primary concern. Instead, he wanted Shaquille to grow into a good and responsible young man.

The hosts discuss why this clip resonated with so many people. They suggest that it's a conversation many wish they had at a young age and that it offers valuable insights for parents on how to raise resilient and successful children.

The conversation shifts to the importance of allowing children to experience failure and struggle as a means of building resilience. The hosts highlight the concept of the Dunning-Kruger effect, which suggests that people who are not very competent at something tend to overestimate their abilities. By contrast, those who are highly competent tend to underestimate their abilities.

The hosts emphasize the role of parents in helping children understand the reasons behind their successes and failures. They discuss how teaching children to identify the factors they can control and those they cannot helps them develop a growth mindset and the ability to overcome challenges.

The episode also addresses the relevance of the discussion to individuals without children. The hosts suggest that the principles of taking control, learning from failure, and embracing a growth mindset apply to all aspects of life, regardless of one's age or circumstances.

The episode concludes with a reminder that high performance is a journey of continuous learning and improvement. The hosts encourage listeners to adopt an open-minded approach to learning new experiences and to seek ways to enhance their performance.

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[02:38.640 -> 02:42.080] Hi there welcome along to a little bite-sized episode of the high performance
[02:42.080 -> 02:48.600] podcast we wanted to create these just to give you that short, sharp, helpful hit of inspiration to equip you,
[02:48.600 -> 02:53.520] to lift you up and to educate you in the mindset of high performance. As always
[02:53.520 -> 02:57.440] Lotus Cars are our partner for these and Professor Damien Hughes is alongside me.
[02:57.440 -> 03:01.920] In a moment we're going to have a conversation about today's guest but just
[03:01.920 -> 03:10.360] give this three or four minutes of your day and I promise you it will help to build the armour that you need to live a successful, self-belief
[03:10.360 -> 03:15.520] filled high performance life. On this week's Bite Size episode, former Manchester United
[03:15.520 -> 03:25.360] Arsenal and Dutch footballer Robin van Persie with advice on how to inspire your children. So my son plays at Feyenoord,
[03:25.360 -> 03:28.040] he played against Ajax under 14.
[03:29.480 -> 03:32.200] He was on the bench, he didn't play.
[03:32.200 -> 03:35.360] So in the car on the way back,
[03:35.360 -> 03:37.800] he was like a bit moody, disappointed,
[03:37.800 -> 03:40.960] complaining a little bit about others,
[03:40.960 -> 03:42.960] about the coach, et cetera.
[03:42.960 -> 03:46.120] And then I said, yeah, I said, but Shaquille,
[03:46.120 -> 03:48.460] I said, you sound like a loser, you know,
[03:48.460 -> 03:51.140] if you talk like this in a way,
[03:51.140 -> 03:52.840] you sound like you lost.
[03:52.840 -> 03:55.100] I said, you are blaming him, you're blaming her,
[03:55.100 -> 03:56.920] you're blaming this, you're blaming everything.
[03:56.920 -> 03:59.960] I said, but I don't hear one single thing about yourself.
[03:59.960 -> 04:03.320] I said, winners, I said, they take control,
[04:03.320 -> 04:04.280] and they blame themselves,
[04:04.280 -> 04:07.040] and they look where they can improve.
[04:07.040 -> 04:10.700] And this is what you should be thinking about.
[04:10.700 -> 04:13.120] So I didn't tell him what he should think about.
[04:13.120 -> 04:15.880] You should ask yourself the question,
[04:15.880 -> 04:18.400] are you a loser or are you a winner?
[04:18.400 -> 04:19.760] I said, for me, it doesn't matter.
[04:19.760 -> 04:21.800] I said, because I'm your dad,
[04:21.800 -> 04:24.980] the only job I have and your mom has
[04:24.980 -> 04:26.200] is when you're 20,
[04:26.200 -> 04:28.320] that you're a good boy, that you're ready for life.
[04:28.320 -> 04:29.640] You know, you can make your mistakes,
[04:29.640 -> 04:31.000] you can do what you want.
[04:31.000 -> 04:33.840] I love you for the same amount.
[04:33.840 -> 04:35.120] It doesn't matter for me if you make it
[04:35.120 -> 04:36.760] as a football player or not.
[04:36.760 -> 04:40.200] I said, but you say that this is your passion,
[04:40.200 -> 04:43.360] so you should take control of your life
[04:43.360 -> 04:46.120] and stop complaining, because it sounds like a loser
[04:46.120 -> 04:50.280] I said then I don't mind if you want to be a loser be a loser. I still love you as much
[04:50.280 -> 04:52.600] I said I said it doesn't matter for me
[04:52.600 -> 04:57.800] I said but if you want to be a winner take control of your life and stop complaining about others and
[04:58.680 -> 05:04.480] Then I watched him train the next morning. My wife said where you going? I said, I'm gonna watch this session
[05:04.260 -> 05:08.100] the next morning my wife said where are you going? I said I'm gonna watch this session two days later actually because they played on Saturday and Monday
[05:08.100 -> 05:15.120] morning so I'm there sitting cold hoodie on I'm looking and I see this tiger
[05:15.120 -> 05:22.380] training running working I was like ah okay okay he realized he has to take
[05:22.380 -> 05:26.200] control of his life. He's 13
[05:30.280 -> 05:30.720] Well Damien I think if there's a clip that has been shared around the world and watched
[05:35.960 -> 05:42.040] Many many millions of times it is this one. Why do you think it resonated so strongly with people? I think it resonated so strongly because I think it's a conversation that many of us wish that we'd have had when we were that
[05:42.040 -> 06:05.080] age, but equally it's a those of us that are parents is Mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dwe know, this podcast has completely changed how,
[06:05.080 -> 06:06.320] well, I've already told you in the past,
[06:06.320 -> 06:08.360] it's changed how I do my TV presenting job.
[06:08.360 -> 06:10.520] I'm now much more interested in the psychology of football
[06:10.520 -> 06:14.480] than I am about 442 or who's in the starting lineup.
[06:14.480 -> 06:17.200] But it's also totally changed the way I parent, you know.
[06:17.200 -> 06:18.320] In what way? Go on.
[06:18.320 -> 06:22.000] Well, I just, before I started making these podcasts
[06:22.000 -> 06:25.120] with you, I assumed that resilience was
[06:25.120 -> 06:28.920] something that my children would naturally build up over time. I hadn't
[06:28.920 -> 06:33.280] really considered that the only way to get resilience is to have the struggle,
[06:33.280 -> 06:37.440] is to have the failure. And I, like so many other parents listening to this
[06:37.440 -> 06:41.440] podcast, particularly with my daughter who was born three or four years before
[06:41.440 -> 06:45.280] my son Sebastian, I built everything around her to be
[06:45.280 -> 06:50.720] successful. I removed every obstacle from her path. I guided her at the right time. I never once early
[06:50.720 -> 06:56.080] on let her fail and then said, what did you learn from that? I made sure she was successful and then
[06:56.080 -> 07:02.160] I said to her, doesn't it feel great to be successful? And I kind of assumed being successful
[07:02.160 -> 07:05.000] would lead to a mindset of wanting more success. I didn't even consider that just being successful y byddai'r cyfrifoldeb o eisiau mwy o gyfrifoldeb.
[07:05.000 -> 07:09.160] Dydw i ddim yn meddwl y byddai'r cyfrifoldeb yn dylu i chi ddweud
[07:09.160 -> 07:26.000] sut i gael cyfrifoldeb, oherwydd mae'n dylu i chi y bydd ffailio'n ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon ddigon yma ac mae Robin Van Persie yn dda iawn yn ysgrifennu i'r ffyny
[07:26.000 -> 07:30.960] Shaquille. Mae'r Dŵr Dunin Cruger wedi'i ennill ar ddau ffyrdd o'r enw Dunin a Cruger
[07:30.960 -> 07:35.280] sy'n deall bod os ydych chi'n dda i rhai pethau, ydych chi'n gallu cyfrifoldeb ychydig ar y peth
[07:35.280 -> 07:39.680] ar y fflip. Os ydych chi ddim yn dda i rhai pethau, dydych chi ddim yn deall ei gilydd,
[07:39.680 -> 07:43.520] felly rydych chi'n gwneud amserion, rydych chi'n ddweud o'r bobl eraill, rydych chi'n gweithredu'r
[07:43.520 -> 07:49.520] rhesymau ar gyfer eich nidd. Ac yr hyn y mae Van Persie yn ei wneud, ac yr hyn y byddwch chi'n ei wneud ymdrechion, rwy'n gwybod o'r bobl eraill, rwy'n ymdrechol ar y rhesymau ar gyfer eich ffailio ac yr hyn y mae Van Persie yn ei wneud a'r hyn rydych chi'n ei wneud gyda'ch plant yw eich bod yn
[07:49.520 -> 07:55.600] helpu nhw i ddeall y rhesymau o'r ôl succes, rydych chi'n helpu nhw i deall y cyfrifiad,
[07:55.600 -> 07:59.360] y pethau sy'n cael eu gweithredu, y elementau sy'n cael eu control arno, ac y mwyaf y gafodd iddo
[07:59.360 -> 08:05.000] y deunyddion hyn, beth bynnag y heriau y mae'n cael eu hadu, maen nhw'n deall sut i'w gysylltu, sut i'w Whatever challenges our children face, they understand how to fix it,
[08:05.000 -> 08:07.000] how to put it right a lot sooner
[08:07.000 -> 08:09.240] than somebody that is constantly blaming others
[08:09.240 -> 08:12.940] or as Shaquille, in Robin's discussion,
[08:12.940 -> 08:15.560] blaming referees, coaches, the opposition,
[08:15.560 -> 08:18.280] is a surefire way of living a life of being a loser
[08:18.280 -> 08:21.000] and never quite understanding why you keep losing.
[08:21.000 -> 08:22.460] You know, while we're recording this,
[08:22.460 -> 08:23.880] I'm actually looking for a message
[08:23.880 -> 08:29.000] that I got from Robin a few weeks ago and he messaged me to say hey remember
[08:29.000 -> 08:34.060] the conversation we had about my son this happened this weekend and it was a
[08:34.060 -> 08:38.660] clip of his son scoring an amazing goal for the for the Feyenoord youth team and
[08:38.660 -> 08:42.320] I was like yes there you go he took control take control of your life he
[08:42.320 -> 08:48.040] took control. There will be people listening to this now though, maybe they don't have kids so they think
[08:48.040 -> 08:50.640] well this isn't relevant to me, it's a conversation about inspiring your kids,
[08:50.640 -> 08:54.200] I'm 18, I'm driving to work or I don't have children so what's the point?
[08:54.200 -> 08:58.320] There'll also be other people going yeah I'm definitely gonna focus on that
[08:58.320 -> 09:02.000] because I've got kids and they're seven years old so I can still impact them. For
[09:02.000 -> 09:07.600] those people that are either thinking this is just about their kids or those that don't have kids, I think this conversation is not relevant to them. Is i fod yn gallu gael effaith iddo. I'r bobl sy'n meddwl mai hwn yw dim ond am eu plentyn neu y byddai'r plentyn sy'n ddim yn cael plentyn yn meddwl bod y sgwrs hon
[09:07.600 -> 09:12.640] yn ddiogel iddynt, a oes yna adnodd ar gyfer ein bywydau lle mae'n ddiddorol
[09:12.640 -> 09:16.960] i ni, lle dydyn ni ddim yn gallu ddysgu i ni fyny sut mae'r gwaith yn bwysig,
[09:16.960 -> 09:20.480] neu'r adroddiad y gafodd ei rannu i'w chanddyn, a oes yn ddiogel i
[09:20.480 -> 09:23.520] pob un o'r bobl sy'n clywed y sgwrs hon,
[09:23.520 -> 09:28.920] yn gyfraith? Yn unol. Os oes chi'n ymwneud â phob un o bobl sy'n clywed y sgwrs hon, yn unrhyw ffordd? Yn siŵr. Os ydych chi'n cofio pan ydyn ni'n sôn gyda Robin, rydyn ni wedi
[09:28.920 -> 09:34.160] ddweud ymrwymiad amdanyn nhw a dweud ei fod yn dyn 21 oed yn mynd ar 5 oed,
[09:34.160 -> 09:36.240] ac pan dyna ni'n gofyn iddo hi'r cwestiwn, pan ddewch chi'n groeso?
[09:36.240 -> 09:40.720] Roedd ei gwrs yn pan ddewisodd i 25 oed, ac yn yr ysg yma,
[09:40.720 -> 09:44.240] fe wnaeth yr ysg ddod yn ei gilydd pan ddewisodd y peni.
[09:44.240 -> 09:48.040] Ac rwy'n credu y gall hynny ddigwydd i unrhyw un o ni, son really seemed to dawn on him when the penny dropped. And I think that can happen for any of us at any age, at any stage.
[09:48.260 -> 09:51.380] It's about being open to learning new experiences.
[09:51.380 -> 09:52.340] We can always improve.
[09:52.340 -> 09:57.620] We can always get better and we can always realize how to get better at our craft.
[09:58.380 -> 10:01.100] And I don't think we have to necessarily like failure, do we?
[10:01.100 -> 10:03.820] I mean, Steven Gerrard on the podcast said he hates failure.
[10:03.820 -> 10:09.440] Sir Clive Woodward said he hated losing and failing as well. And it doesn't matter if you hate it,
[10:09.440 -> 10:12.800] you're still going to learn from it. Sometimes some of the hardest things for us are some of
[10:12.800 -> 10:17.360] the best things for us. Yeah, there's a really great technique they use in, in sort of like
[10:17.920 -> 10:23.120] elite military environments called the AAR, the after action review. And that's the point around
[10:23.120 -> 10:29.280] failure that you can fail, but it's the review that you do after it, where you explore it, work out how you
[10:29.280 -> 10:34.160] could do it better next time. That's where real high performance starts.
[10:34.160 -> 10:37.200] And we actually, I'm sure you're the same, we get a lot of messages from military
[10:37.200 -> 10:40.200] people actually listening to the high performance podcast, don't we, saying it's
[10:40.200 -> 10:44.600] helping their mindset. Yeah, definitely, that again, but again, I think that's a
[10:44.600 -> 10:45.120] reflection of their open-mindedness,. Again, but again, I think that's a reflection
[10:45.120 -> 10:49.280] of their open mindedness that they're constantly learning. How do we improve? How can we take
[10:49.280 -> 10:55.360] ideas to enhance our own performance? And hopefully anyone listening to this is got
[10:55.360 -> 11:00.080] that same approach that you're listening to learn and be able to implement. There you
[11:00.080 -> 11:04.200] go. I hope that has helped you today's high performance bite size episode. Thank you so
[11:04.200 -> 11:06.840] much to Hannah, to Will Will to Finn for putting this together
[11:06.840 -> 11:11.340] of course big thanks to Damien as well and Lotus cars we wouldn't be able to do
[11:11.340 -> 11:16.040] it without our founding partners Lotus cars so there you go a little bike size
[11:16.040 -> 11:21.600] hits of high performance we'll see you for a full episode very soon
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